Sign up with your email address to be the first to know about new products, VIP offers, blog features & more.

9 Gadgets To Own

By Hanafi Kaka

This is a gadget guide for men and women who love their toys. Things you have to have as a bona fide gadget freak.

Power bank

Power banks shouldn’t look like weapons of mass destruction.  You want a power bank that says Shaken, not stirred. That way, every time you pull it out of your pocket, having fit perfectly in there, it’s followed by a beam of neon lights and a 1970s disco soundtrack. You just unveiled the future to the mere mortals around you dragging blocks in their specially-dedicated-for-power-banks carrier bags.  That said, the ideal power bank should be slim, does not look like it will get you arrested for terrorism, fits in your pocket, has a high capacity and above all – it shouldn’t be pink. In fact, this is the most important consideration. But if you really really must carry around a pink power bank, let it be tethered to a Chihuahua, with a matching collar. It’s easier to forgive you that way.

A Damned Smart TV

bikozulu

It’s 2015! You shouldn’t be caught with a TV that you cannot control with your phone. The fact that 3D and 4K and 1080p resolution TVs are now as affordable as a crate of apples means you should be able to smell the onions on The Food Channel; I know I can with mine.

Wireless Speakers

Yes, these things will keep your teeth in your mouth if you are of those fellas with magnetic toes. You know yourselves. The age of tripping over lines of wires running through your house and scaring your little ones every time only exist in memory. We are not trying to harness horses with all that wire running under the carpets and around corners of the house.

A Smart Watch

bikozulu

We know Rolex and Longines have not made their own yet, but just use the Apple or Samsung ones for now. They come with themes, faces you can change, color variations and they keep you healthy if you listen to them. Your tummy will fade just from wearing a smartwatch, imagine. Plus, it’s cool to go all wearable these days. They even have clothes that change color depending on your moods. I just worry what color they may change to when you’re about to let out a silencer fart. You’re sitting in a meeting and your shirt begins to turn green. Incoming!

Jimmy Jane Hello Touch

I’m sure this counts as a sex toy in a way. But only if you use it below the equator. It turns out the ladies really do love things that vibrate; blenders, washing machines, phones on silent modes. No? And your fingers. This naughty little gadget is your ticket to making that touch electrifying. Literally. It has a power and control unit that you strap to your wrist and two ring caps on the end of chords that you wear at your fingertips, and vibrate when you hold her. Yes, you can use them to pick your nose too.

Universal Clip Lens

bikozulu

You’ve probably already seen these little monsters in a tech store somewhere. And the fake geeks there who wear fake spects (this is an equivalent of parking in the handicaps section. It’s an insult to the rest of us who are actually blind. Ish) tried to make you buy them even though your iPhone camera works just perfectly. But for those of you who only buy smartphones for Instagram and Whatsapp, these little things help to improve the quality of your pics. Any missing teeth will be replaced in the final picture. Hehe. That was for you, Trixx. Just make sure you get to seriously test them before packing them in your bag. Some shops just sell you distorted glasses with no real optical qualities.

Safari Charger

It’s been said a thousand times, and we shall say it again. Always have more than one charging unit if you have to work on the road.

A Vacuum Stubble Trimmer

bikozulu

The punchline for this great device is simple: Leave no evidence.   This shit is the real bomb. It trims your beard, moustaches (and your legs if you’re into that), while sucking in the fallen follicles. No one will know you are actually a primate.

An electric, massaging chair and seat pad

I promise, this is the last I will talk of anything that vibrates and goes below your waist, or behind your back. Or anywhere close to you. Some of them come with complimentary neck pad massagers as well, so you can be getting your back, ass and neck squeezed to comfort while you scratch your beard and dose off.

Feel free to add more gadgets to this list.

69 Responses
  • nyamunjeri
    04.11.2015

    wireless speakers sounds good……

    • Wanjuhi
      04.11.2015

      Wireless speakers!!! I had no idea, still thought I was with it with my ‘Horse harnessing’ ones LOL! Thank you Hanafi

  • Gideon
    04.11.2015

    Dude!! okay that’s how we roll Huh?

    • C.S.A
      04.11.2015

      duh??

  • Magunga
    04.11.2015

    At least I have one of those; the Samsung Curve Full HD TV. Now that is the truth! A tourist attraction for my boys – but sometimes I like to lie to myself that they visit because they miss me.
    http://www.magunga.com/the-real-bachelors-of-langata/

  • owa nawiri
    04.11.2015

    you should be able to smell the
    onions on The Food Channel; I know I can with mine.”
    hahah really now?!

  • SalsaS88
    04.11.2015

    I’m loving this ‘ gadget’ day..imma add Apple TV as a must have gadget, earphone adapter for when you travel and Bose’ the ones with noise cancellation. A hands free too, the ones that speak to you ” call from xxxxx answer or ignore?” 🙂

  • Mufasa
    04.11.2015

    Ok. How about I move to kileleshwa while I’m at it? Most of the things mentioned here though rank as trendy, aren’t entirely necessary. What strata of the economy do you imagine read this blog???

    Sometimes that pink power bank is all I got… Was a gift from APA to say Asante and it works just fine…and why do I need my phone on my wrist. It’s in my pocket.. That works just fine. Never miss a thing… And my tummy… That’s what I have karura and an alarm clock for… Anyway… Plenty things here I don’t think are necessities… They are cool but not necessities… For me at least!!!

    • Wesh
      05.11.2015

      I agree with you. This is a list of cool gadgets to own not essential gadgets. Though I’ll buy that ka 4K HD Tv but I really know I dont need it.

    • Juelzjaber
      05.11.2015

      This had to be said… I also have a pink powerbank, a gift but definitely no chihuahua. My tv is not curved and just a lil smart (Same as my watch) but that’s alright. My speakers are wireful and that’s alright too. Our priorities are all different.

    • Ritchie
      19.11.2015

      i think this post was intended for the tech savy geeks out there and not a specific economic niche dont hate on the author

  • faith
    04.11.2015

    I love this gadget guy. Easy read and involving. I want all the above…in pink

  • Jane.Shee
    04.11.2015

    “No one will know you are actually a primate.” hahahaha dead!!
    Good read

  • Sir Kev
    04.11.2015

    power bank all the way

  • Kadonye
    04.11.2015

    I’m not a techie & I would not voluntarily buy anything on this list. But I enjoyed the article! It was a well written, fun read. (BTW, who buys these things?! Kenyan middle class, you’ll kill yourselves)

  • Esther
    04.11.2015

    Wasn’t a gadget fun but with this kind of writing, am interested so easy to understand now.

  • Annie
    04.11.2015

    Easy read for me. I see why Biko got on a donkey to come looking…

  • Emmanuel Taracha
    04.11.2015

    A Smart watch works for me. This Samsung one has served me well indeed. From measuring my heart rate to measuring the effectiveness of any exercise I am doing may it be walking to running to skiing to cycling. Did i mention it can track your sleep and you can read your mails and messages and even see which calls you missed? I just love it! heremyinkdrops.wordpress.com

  • LPFJ3
    04.11.2015

    Gadget #10: a whole lot of money, fawk you mean in this economy.

  • Chanyado
    04.11.2015

    The Kindle.

    • Wanjuhi
      04.11.2015

      My most valuable gadget in the whole wide world; Kindle Voyage

    • Cheruto
      04.11.2015

      A must have.

    • Air Hostess
      16.11.2015

      But our smart devices like phones, pads & tablets already have Kindle in them!

  • Miss Dee
    04.11.2015

    Love the gadget guy. I’m tempted to go out and buy everything on that list

  • Miss J
    04.11.2015

    Fun to read.loved it Way better than miss fashion.

  • francis
    04.11.2015

    And it is pronounced Chi wa wa not chi hua hua tafadhali.

    • janet
      04.11.2015

      Its written as Chihuahua but pronounced as chiwawa as you would have it…….
      Wikipedia : The Chihuahua /tʃɪˈwɑːwɑː/ is the smallest breed of dog and is named for the state of Chihuahua in Mexico.

      • Ritchie
        24.11.2015

        Hahaha ROAST!!! i like you janet, subtle but straight for the jugular

  • Anne
    04.11.2015

    Good read, however am no gadgets person. Plus I would never spend mymoney to buy things I don’t need, to impress people I don’t like.

  • shiku
    04.11.2015

    Nice read…

  • lucie
    04.11.2015

    Lovely read.Am almost tempted to buy the Tv so I can smell the onions

  • Wanjuhi
    04.11.2015

    Hear, hear on that Power bank storo. Some that I have seen around are scary; like weapons of mass destruction,to say the least. I love one that is discreet and elegant in a simple color preferably black or grey with a high capacity

  • abdullah omar
    04.11.2015

    what next?a gadget opinionated soul?

  • njeri komu
    04.11.2015

    power bank + wireless speakers
    atleast siko nyuma vile
    i like this tech guy

  • Dcipher
    04.11.2015

    You do not need to break the bank to make your tv ‘Smart’ just by a Chromecast for about 5k and enjoy Smart TV convenience on your dumb tv.

  • Naomi
    04.11.2015

    Right now I’m squatting in a dark corner sucking my thumb(biko style. hehee) and thinking about the wrong life choices I have made. I’m wondering if I’m really normal since I do not own any of the above mentioned gadgets. What is wrong with me?? I love the gadget guy (as the gang has nicknamed him) though. I dig his writing.

  • D.B Cooper
    04.11.2015

    You forgot Samsung TV Noma…and you no longer have to listen to Prof. BAMBA

  • kariuki george
    04.11.2015

    Nice piece except Jimmy Jane Hello Touch thingie

  • Hellen
    04.11.2015

    Keep updating us/ me on must haves

  • Sandra
    04.11.2015

    Wireless headphones. You can run without getting into a tangled mess.

  • Burdizzo
    04.11.2015

    Great piece. Include a Fitbit on that list

  • Njooro
    04.11.2015

    Well written.

  • LJ
    04.11.2015

    Miss fashion should get the cue,, there is something about images that urges you on however mundane an article can get. Not to say that this was mundane, I enjoyed reading Kaka. Thumbs up.

    http://www.lusekacafe.com

  • Nimmo
    04.11.2015

    Wait till I get my money right…….

    • Volker Finke
      06.11.2015

      Right!

  • Ireneann
    04.11.2015

    looove the accompanying photos make the article more intersting.

    • Ireneann
      04.11.2015

      forgive the typos

  • Jed
    04.11.2015

    All the above!!In shades of pink.
    Reformed ghost reader.

  • Ian Duncan
    04.11.2015

    Heheh. Hanafi, Some of us still live below the Dollar Bwana. Lol

    http://www.ianreal.wordpress.com

  • Gathoni
    04.11.2015

    The guy who makes me laugh when I’m reading…..gadget stuff! A first

  • Boni-STFU
    05.11.2015

    Call me old fashioned but I love me a tik tok kinda watch.Hubolt or Rolex will do just fine.But on the TV,I feel you bro,go smart or go home!

  • Patricia
    05.11.2015

    If it were not for the images, I would have no idea of what you were talking about.

    • shirleen
      05.11.2015

      hahahahaha

  • Charles
    05.11.2015

    Android TV?

  • Ythera
    05.11.2015

    Hanafi! I’m drooling but the economy won’t let me. Kindle for ebook lovers, Fitbit for TeamHealthy.

  • Shi Ro
    05.11.2015

    A Vacuum Stubble Trimmer can i use this for other places below my waist but above my thighs??? Please advice

    • Boni-STFU
      05.11.2015

      @Shi Ro,just to quote Hanafi…..”if you are in to that”.

  • Chebet
    05.11.2015

    You’re sitting in a meeting and your shirt begins to turn green. Incoming!

    • Chebet
      05.11.2015

      Am seated in a meeting 😉

  • Lawrence
    05.11.2015

    why do i need a smart tv while the Chromecast or Nvidia Shield offers me more functionality at a lower price point

  • Wangui
    05.11.2015

    Am a bit disappointed that Kindle didnt make the list

  • Butterscotch
    05.11.2015

    What’s the estimated budget for all these?

    GSOH….

  • Faceless Piranha
    05.11.2015

    Definitely, kindle if you love books.

    I have never heard of all these things you’ve mentioned.
    Ati a smart watch! Where would you buy all this stuff?

  • PK
    06.11.2015

    Loved it. Work hard play hard.

  • feli
    06.11.2015

    I like this tech guy. I din”t get bored reading.Yes fashion lady should borrow a piece from this

  • Jerome Onyango
    08.11.2015

    Well said,at least clueless guysvcan borrow a leaf

  • chaxchax
    09.11.2015

    They
    even have clothes that change color
    depending on your moods. I just worry what
    color they may change to when you’re about
    to let out a silencer fart. You’re sitting in a
    meeting and your shirt begins to turn green.
    Incoming ! I love that got me off the chair . BTW I love everything Apple made, kwanza that Apple Tv thingie

  • Siegmund
    11.11.2015

    Where can I get the Universal Clip Lenses?

  • Ritchie
    19.11.2015

    am a techy and i would definitely buy most of the items on this article

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *