A letter to Kenyans Abroad

Dear Diaspora.

There is this time I walked into this shoe shop in Dublin, Ireland. It was winter and cold as a hyena’s snout. I had on this hoodie with “Safaricom” emblazoned on its front in green. So, there I was checking out these shoe when I heard someone ask, “Wewe ni Mkenya?” I looked up to find this grinning miro guy. I said, yes, I was Kenyan. Boy, was he happy to make my acquaintance! He bear hugged me, which is something I try to reserve for the opposite sex. He then rattled on, asking about home and how it was “back there.” Asking about politics and things. He told me he watched Citizen news online most of the time, but that still left him shelled with homesickness. He lived in Northern Ireland, which is really next to the end of the world, and he is probably the only black guy for thousands of miles before you run into a Nigerian.

I asked him when was the last time he was home and he said 11years ago. That depressed me more than the weather. I asked him what he missed most about being home and he surprised me by saying, “attending funerals for close ones.”
He said he had missed his father’s funeral (it was cheaper to send money for burial), something that seemed like a monkey on his back. In fact, he had missed tons of funerals for close relatives. And he missed Mukimo (he was okuyu). On a light note I asked him if he had a kiosk in Belfast and he laughed, that distinct Kenyan laugh that starts from the diaphragm and doesn’t leave it. We chatted for a bit, in Swahili, mine markedly tattered.

I remember feeling such gutting sympathy for him when we parted. Him, out there, in that bleeding cold that makes your nails pale and your tongue blue, so far away from home, wondering who else will be buried in his absence. Wondering when he would next feel the balminess of the African sun on his forehead and the warmth of our own soil under his feet. It must be tough, this life in absentia. I would die of depression. No really, I would.

It’s easy to feel sympathy for fellows living abroad, right up until they land at JKIA, then the bottom falls off. Let’s first talk figures before my spiel.

Do you know how much guys living abroad ploughed into the economy in the first five months of this year? Ksh45 billion! That’s a lot of dough, about 10% of what Kamwana is bringing back from the East! And we appreciate this contribution, guys. We could use every yen, dollar and rupee we can lay our hands on now, especially during these trying moments that some of our governors have decided to conduct county matters from plush hotels where they live.

But your financial contribution notwithstanding, we need to straighten out some issues, guys. It’s about your conduct when you come back home for vacation.

First off, please don’t whine about how nothing works in this country. Nobody wants to host a whiner. Thing is, traffic cops will control traffic at traffic lights that work. That’s just how it is. Service in eateries might not be as swift as it is in Toronto. That’s just how it is. Matatus are a law onto themselves. That’s just how it is. It’s illegal to burn music for local artists, so don’t ask us to. Oh, and Kalamashaka doesn’t sing no more.

Secondly. You know, we love having you back home. And we don’t mind taking you to look for artefacts at Masai Market. But can you imagine that since you left life also happened to us? Hard to believe, I know. We got and changed jobs. We dated and we got married. We got kids. Most of us grew up and that came with different priorities. Life is a moving wheel. I know it might seem like we have lots of time on our hands back here but we don’t. We can get very busy between spending time in traffic jams and Facebooking.

And because there is work and there is school and there is family we can’t take you out partying on the daily. And just because you are back in the country after 10 years doesn’t mean all these things stop and we have to lay banana leaves on your path to Mercury Lounge. Or fetch you coffee. You are on holiday, we aren’t. If we have time, we will take you to do your rounds. But it’s not your right, so don’t sulk and brood and feel unappreciated.

Secondly, the legal tender of Kenya is Kenyan Shillings. Not the dollar. Not the Euro. Don’t go to Mama Oliech’s for fish and when the bill lands you ask the poor waitress if they can accept dollars! That waitress is from Kochia, the dollar is a currency she isn’t well acquainted with. And FYI, the only people who accept dollars or rands are the forex bureaus.

Talking of going out. A few years back my cousin landed in the country from Jersey (you should have heard how he pronounces “Jersey”). This time I took him to Havana in Westlands and he kept asking the deejay to play some song by T-Pain. I wasn’t that acquainted to T-Pain at that time because he was new-ish in the scene and I’m not exactly hot for that genre of music. You should have seen how after harassing the deejay he would come back to the seat complaining how the deejay wasn’t with it because he didn’t have a particular song by T-Pain. And so the whole whole night it was T-Pain this, T-Pain that. What a royal pain!

And guys, if you are going to have the deejay play your favourite jams at least buy him a drink, will ya? And be sure to use Kenyan Shillings, if that’s no trouble.

Then there is politics. Isn’t it flattering that every guy in diaspora has a solution to our political problems? And this is only because, I suspect, they have read Obama’s “Audacity of Hope.” Guys, like Mikhail Gorbachev once said, if you really want to change things back home, you got to go back home. You just can’t change things during your tea break at Starbucks. I‘m afraid it’s a bit more complicated than that. This animal called African politics needs time and energy, not a quote from Malcolm X.

It’s not like we are sitting here allowing the politicians to shaft us without as much as dinner first. It’s not that we have become so politically numb and inept. No, we make noise. On twitter. We stoke Boniface Mwangi’s fires on Facebook then we go on Youtube to see if he survived the fracas. We have realised that the only way we can fight these politicians and their endless plunder and greed is through the mighty power of Retweet! So don’t judge us, not until you walk 140 characters in our tweets.

I’m overeating? Just look at the Facebook pages of Kenyans in diaspora, with their breathless streams of political consciousness, tinged with Machiavellian teachings hoping that will change the political panorama. They won’t, guys. Because politicians don’t read. And the few who do don’t care. Your tweets will drown in the churning sea of social media melee, never to be seen by them. And their social media tools are managed by busybodies that only retweet comments that favour them. And so the most they can do, in response to your Facebook updates is to poke you. And you don’t want a politician poking you, trust me. And if you don’t believe me, ask…

And why are you guys shocked at poverty in Kenya? Poverty is the same as you left it. Poverty is still spelled the same way you left it. This is Africa; some folk eat only one meal, yes, even here in the city. And they aren’t on a diet; they just can’t afford to eat square meals. Fast food? Do you know that KFC is a luxury back here? Yes, back here it’s the hoity-toity who throng there, with their iPhones and their monstrous Guci shades coifed in Gussii-land. Poverty is part of this social fabric, even the middle-class are poor, only their poverty is the worse kind.

You know what we secretly laugh at behind your backs, dear Diasporas? When you come visiting and you tell us smugly, “ You know, back at home…” Back at home? Excuse us. United States of America is not your home, son! Your home is Nyansore, South Mugirango. Isn’t that where the remains of your dear mother lies? I’m sorry, was your grumps buried in Brookhaven, Atlanta? You are called Moguche, how many native Londoners are called Moguche? And please don’t ever say “you Kenyans,” That’s just racist.

And here is one of my favourites. I had this retarded conversation one day with some diaspora.

Kenyan from Texas (KT): Biko, I want to go to the Barclays in Loita Street, is it safe?

Me: What is safe, Barclays? Yes, it is.

KT: No, I mean Loita Street.

Hehe. Did he just ask if Loita Street is safe? Tell me, how can I be so wrong about my friends?

No, I told him, Loita Street is not safe. Get police escort. Hell wear a Flak jacket

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and lower your hat to your face in case they suspect that you are a foreigner because your eyebrows are different from ours. Hire security if you can (but not G4S). Loita Street is very dangerous. People get killed there every day, especially Kenyans visiting from abroad. And don’t wear your fancy cologne; it might draw attention to yourself.

Doesn’t that just make you sad? Here is a guy who grew up in Umoja and shopped at Mutindwa scared of being mobbed in Loita Street. A guy who lived in Kenya for 27yrs – taking matatus and eating roasted maize by the roadside- before he flew out. A typical Kenyan. This is the same fellow who asks you if Loita Street is safe because he now has an iPhone 5? While odiero backpackers are fearlessly trolling downtown Nairobi this guy is debating if he should leave his damned wallet at home before venturing into town?! If he should remove his watch before going to Kimathi Street?! Do they imagine we are super humans not to get killed by the numerous, mines, IED’s and snipers outside Loita Street? Do we, as Kenyans, have a special contract with God?

One last thing. Let’s be honest. We know you aren’t as loaded as you once was. No, we do. Central Bank Of Kenya told us. The diaspora remittance to Kenya declined by 9.4 per cent in June from Ksh 9.66billion to Ksh8.75billion in May owing to inflows from North America, Kenya’s biggest source of the dollar injections. Life, indeed, is hard everywhere. If Detroit declared itself bankrupt, really, things are hairy. Europe isn’t any better financially as we speak. So no need to keep appearances. It’s unnecessary. When you come down don’t drag us to the champagne bar at Sankara and get mild dementia after one look at their menu. And don’t call Sankara thieves. They aren’t. Sankara isn’t McDonalds. Shit is expensive there.

This city has its owners, mate. They dine at the Tribe Hotel and sleep in Laikipia. They never look at the bill after their meal and they can put three actuarial science students in a room with all their money and those kids will grow beards before they finish counting that cheese. So Sankara guys aren’t stealing from you, it’s just a different pond for a different kettle of fish. Try Tamasha, they have a happy hour. Look, we are just happy you are home, we don’t care much that you can splash money because we know it wasn’t handed to you easy back there.

And one last thing. You couldn’t have schooled in Durban, South Africa and picked an American accent. It’s unfathomable and ludicrous. We can understand you having an Indian accent because Durban has the largest population of Indians outside India, but they don’t speak like Americans last time I was there. And if you came back to Kenya from abroad more than 3 years ago you can’t prefix all your statements with “When I was in the UK…” It negates everything you will say after.

I love Kenyans in diaspora because of their uncanny ability to summon amnesia. You guys forget fast. You forget so quickly where you came from. You forget how the machinery back here runs. You forget that this is motherland and no matter how broken this place is, this place still remains your place.

Yours truly,
Bikozulu.

731 thoughts on “A letter to Kenyans Abroad”

  1. Gish says:

    Have one of those landing this Saturday, been praying for patience and tolerance since i heard the news.

    • sugu says:

      quick question Biko, what were you doing in the diaspora and for how long?

    • Nameme says:

      Take heart Gish..five yrs ago i financially helped one of them to go to Oz..before he settled he always called me back here, but now that he is settled and has a well paying job..he went quiet, last month i thought i should call him to see if he is ok,,this is how he responded, “hello,wha’ u want?” huh,,i told him,”nilikuwa nakujulia hali” he disconected the phone and never called back. Tell ’em Biko, East or west..nyumbani ni nyumbani.

    • Wacuka says:

      We too love having y’all Kenyans come visit us in the States (plse don’t forget to insert that famous all American accent), & yes we don’t mind taking u to shop in New York or party like its 1999 in “Sin City” Vegas or party in every floor in that club in DC, but geez wheez, those are three different states very apart & far from each other & we have to fly & some states even drive for days just to get there & it costs A LOT OF MONEY. And just coz we came to the States, life didn’t just magically over night become rosy…nah! Just like y’all…life also happened to us! Hard to believe, I know. We got and changed jobs. We dated and we got married. We got kids. Most of us grew up and that came with different priorities. Life is a moving wheel. I know it might seem like we have lots of time on our hands in the States as well, not to mention dollars, but we don’t. We can get very busy between our two jobs, each parent taking time to babysit, jumping on the train & making different transfers to get to school from work while NOT facebooking, but trying to finish that assignment or studying for that quiz on train between transfers, & just like u Gish when we have one of those landing we begin to fast not just pray (coz praying alone just won’t cut it) for patience and tolerance immediately we hear of the news.

      • oku says:

        Well said, I was visiting with my kids who are very well behaved,polite and I have trained them to eat whats offered and to my surprise.Someone says” they don’t even look like they live abroad,other than the twenty
        “. How are they supposed to look?

      • Naserean says:

        Yes that all famous American accent gets me all the time especially the whole trying to twang while writing………..sweery instead of sweety

    • Ruth M says:

      this is the best blog i’ve read in a while…how true!

    • Ann says:

      Woi pole…

    • Andika Writers says:

      At least Wacuka maintains her Okuyu Name. Thanks stars for that

    • Jacinta Mwali says:

      Hello, I should finish the letter and write this few words but no. Anyway, please Kenyans, do you have some understanding of where we come from before writing things like this? I don’t but I try to.
      The reality of Martin Luther King Jr. and many other civil rights movement heroes, does it resonate to our live today? The life of sacrificing for others, for our children and our parents to live a little beat better? The man in the cold may have missed many funerals, just like Dr. King missed his presence and many other things for the life that we have today. That is bravery. Please, Kenyans abroad, be very brave, people may not know or understand what you go through, but it is worth it.
      I will read this story and finish my commend. God bless us all.

    • Jacinta Mwali says:

      We need to get over ourselves, our self reservedness and see things for what they are. I certainly would hope someone would think,(why do may people live in Mombasa and go hoe once in 3 years) and make space for other people.

    • Jacinta Mwali says:

      We have many abroad who have their goals and I applause them because, despite many obstacles, they work towards their goals. Needless to say, go Kenyans abroad….

    • Jacinta says:

      Well, I guess this writer is mad with someone. But I know someone, a hero, who has been supplying computers from N.Y ( Ndambuki is his name)to our schools, and I don’t know about you but where I come from, many kids have seen the first computer in their school from this guy, and not to mention the other projects including afforestation that he is blessing my village with. The reality is, we may be mad of different things, like people not meeting our expectations and many other things. I’m mad because my people fetch water 2 hours away everyday in the village, my village, and that’s their normal life, now. But although they may have no hope, I know something can be done, and I am furious for that.

    • lyna says:

      @Nameme Your post cracked me up! Ati Hello, whatchu want, huh? Lol!

  2. AH says:

    Hahaha. I know people who are guilty of many of those.

  3. Kanda says:

    I am reffering this to a friend in Texas.He keeps wining how we have screwed leadership here and yet I left him in form 3 in a school in Siaya in 2007.

    • pretty says:

      life is good up here. If you hv a problem with that, then you need to deal with it. some pple commenting here are just a bunch of jealous parasites who doestn’t even know the way to JKIA. They ridicule us in public but fill our inboxes with “woshie siunitafutie kajob huko”, “nitafutie mzungu” or “Mpesa”. Leave us alone!!!!!!!!!! When we come home for vacation, we are just there to relax not to be tormented with your problems. We also hv our own problems to deal with. Get life!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Wambui says:

    You should have seen my face light up when i saw a brand new article from you. I love your writing and I also read your Thursday articles on Business Daily 🙂
    I have relatives in the diaspora (USA) and I know what you mean.They are not really in the US since their heart and soul is here and they obviously aren’t in Kenya. It’s a sad situation.

  5. viru5detected says:

    Whenever I come home (my vacations are always short, 1 month max) I make it known to friends that I have limited time and finances. Nonetheless, I still get complaints about feeling too proud to make enough time for people just cos I now live abroad and expectations to foot all bills for those with whom I get to spend time. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

    • Mr Wolf (@cgitosh) says:

      When you come home from twitter?

    • @Nyambura says:

      Haha nice one!

    • @mbitogee says:

      LMFAO!

    • Texan and loving it says:

      @viru5detected….. ain’t that the truth!!!

    • Mkenya says:

      It’s the same people who criticize and in the same breath turn around and ask you to mpesa them without any shame whatsoever! I read the first few paragraphs and lost respect for the writer of this idiotic and pompous article. Unless you’ve walked at least a thousand miles (barely enough) in any Kenyan’s shoes (abroad), then you don’t have any qualifications to say shit about how they live their lives.

    • wambui says:

      @Mkenya, you do not need to write shit too. And have you walked those a thousand miles yourself. Besides what Biko has written does not talk about anyone’s personal life, but rather about the general behaviour, which I have personally witnessed to.

    • Nimmu says:

      @Wambui: what so-called biko is trying to do is intimidate Kenyans living in the diaspora, by trying to generally taint their characters. They are just human like any other, including Kenyans. The same applies to some guys who live in Nairobi and never visit their rural homes… It’s the same notion. I’ve walked 1000miles (while I was a student in India), came back and I live in Kenya. Why can’t we accept gaps in our living patterns and change -for the betterment of our lives. If anything, local Kenyans should appreciate the FREE advice. Anyone would have probably taken up the chance to live abroad, and there’s a very high likelihood that they’d have behaved the same way. If something is wrong, act/change it, and if you don’t, then you are part of it.

    • Josh Ogega says:

      Sure. That is the part I dislike about Kenyans. We all think that the folks coming from abroad are raining dollars when most of them sacrifice a lot to be home for the holidays

  6. LARRY FROM DUBAI says:

    LOL! Biko Jackson! You have “woken up for us”? I have heard of you from some friends I used to hang out in the states kitambo in 2007, before Dubs and I’m regretful I didn’t start reading you earlier. What you have said ni ukweli. Keep up this good job it has made my day.

  7. Ras Mengesha says:

    I love it! Reminds me of Binyavanga’s How to Write About Africa.

  8. Sally Njoki says:

    I actually know someone who had the nerve to say”you know now i am African american” and he was actually being serious heheheh ok i just had this O_o look on my face and was thinking you left Kenya in 2007 and now all of a sudden you are African American Haiya..ok no comment
    Good one will make sure to pass this along!

  9. sau says:

    your lifelong albeit silent fan. loved it! shared to all relas and friends in the diaspora.

  10. Corrie says:

    Hahaha this is so so true —> Just look at the Facebook pages of Kenyans in diaspora, with their breathless streams of political consciousness, tinged with Machiavellian teachings hoping that will change the political panorama. The accents never stop good lawd —> And one last thing. You couldn’t have schooled in Durban, South Africa and picked an American accent. It’s unfathomable and ludicrous. PAHAHAHA!! Tell them! Coolsome read Biko. made my week!!

    • Ransom says:

      An idiot laughing at themselves…so we are supposed to sit back and watch a country dive deep into hell because you lot are too lazy to do anything? Lol…pathetic..this is why africans can never develop…they are too immature to take criticism

  11. Odhiambo says:

    Tehehehe..As a self-appointed spokesperson for Kenyans with Amnesia, I want to say that no amount of intimidation will deter us 🙂 Ati come back home? Haiya, no offense(sp) but we do like our hot showers and this Thomas Edison’s invention called Electricity. Or was it Tesla? Never mind. Being rudely interrupted by power cuts while watching X factor is not our idea of chillaxing. And God forbid we are afraid to get robbed. Have you ever seen a Nairobian with half his trousers torn and hanging out from the pocket downwards? All for the crime of having a nice phone? I have, back in 2000, when I was in Kenya -next day, I boarded a plane out, no kidding. Who among you would risk the death of his balls? coz whoever ripped that gentlemans’ trousers near damn well came close to plucking the guys descendants with it. Like Kibaki is fond of saying, “Haina haja”. Lets also be real for a moment, pickpockets in Nairobi are more sophisticated than their counterparts in Atlanta. That’s a universal truth.
    In the meantime Biko, pack all your belongings in a small bag and flee to some place ancient, like Uyoma…hahaha…

    • Njeri says:

      I feel you on the bit about hot water and electricity.

    • MO' says:

      Guduone Odhiambo.. especially on the electricity!

    • Benjaps says:

      You know what we are all thinking behind your back? “McDonalds gave you that long a break? Long enough to nip into your phone and post that long comment? Wow! The supervisor must be on leave!”

    • Bywa says:

      A good read and a good laugh on most counts. But this?:
      “First off, please don’t whine about how nothing works in this country. Nobody wants to host a whiner. Thing is, traffic cops will control traffic at traffic lights that work. That’s just how it is. Service in eateries might not be as swift as it is in Toronto. That’s just how it is. Matatus are a law onto themselves”
      This I have a problem with- it’s the kind of resigned apathy that will relegate us to underdeveloped status for eternity.Our lethargy and acceptance of the absurd and the outrageous is legendary.We could use some whiners with a fresh eye and alternative experiences to help us snap out of our pathetic comfort with the substandard.

    • Milkah says:

      Benjaps you nailed it..ha!

    • Andenyi says:

      Benjaps for president 😀

      Diaspora people with or without electricity disruptions,your home is your home,You CANNOT run forever!!

    • Bubudiu says:

      Run Odhiambo run, that geezer Ronald’s calling out for you to change his diapers as you write down bull. Might miss out on that 5 dollar bill son.

    • Andrew says:

      Hee Hee Hee… we all watched Nairobi Half Life… ‘Nuff said.

    • Mercysoul says:

      Mr Odhiambo, you could come back home and make your own hot shower work! I live in the diaspora and hope to make some changes there for the others to experience the same sooner than later. You sound like a mental retard and you need serious help!

    • Miki says:

      i think that this article comes from a mentality that is quite similar to those who profile people by race, color, ethnicity and so on….maybe some people do go overboard but that doesn’t speak for all of us in the diaspora. i can understand someone asking if it is safe to go to a certain area, if a travel, my safety is my priority, if i have a visitor here, there are places i would advise them not to go to due to high crime rates in those areas. yes we consider ourselves African American, i AM African with an American nationality. So before you sit on your high horse and judge, get your facts right. We are proud to be African, but excuse us if we dare come there and complain about traffic!! i am sorry but complaining is human nature, even when I am in traffic here i am complaining, there is no biased. Maybe you guys are just taking things too personal and judging from a one sided view. Get the whole picture before you judge thousands of people based on a handful of those you know. Such a shame.

    • Gorgeous says:

      @Benjaps..echoed my thoughts, i was thinking nursing home. Anyhu, we could use some change true, but the whining doesn’t help. If the whiners really care about home, come make some changes, if not, get yourself permanent citizenship abroad and spare us the drama

    • Timothy Onyango says:

      What else to say, I have witnessed a foreigner from Macedonia robbed of her wallet in Nairobi streets, I have witnessed an American from California cornered in a matatu by 5 able bodied men who slapped her, tore her bag and took away with her Mac book air plus camera. Remember these are conspicuous white fellas who are easily visible. What would they do to camouflaged one’s from the diaspora?

      You must have forgotten the fact that out there you forget about washing your clothes.

    • None says:

      ADDRESED TO ODHIAMBO…..You know what we secretly laugh at behind your backs, dear Diasporas? When you come visiting and you tell us smugly, “ You know, back at home…” Back at home? Excuse us. United States of America is not your home, son! Your home is Nyansore, South Mugirango. Isn’t that where the remains of your dear mother lies? I’m sorry, was your grumps buried in Brookhaven, Atlanta?

    • MtuFlani says:

      ummm Okay I’m in the diaspora and I do not agree with this comment… so what once in a while the hot shower doesn’t work. boil water put it in a bucket and have a bath or better yet if you’re enjoying a luxurious life in the diaspora why not spend some of that money fixing up the house back home so that you have solar power and massive tanks for your hot showers…? or are you afraid that they’d be stolen as well…?
      If you’re not part of the solution you are part of the problem. You need to stop ostracizing yourself from your motherland and the culture you were raised in. Yes you may have security concerns when going to tao or something but so does everyone else who pandas a mat and is worried that their phone will go!
      Please get off your high horse!

    • Tong Fo says:

      I am sure your parents are proud of you that you are a Janitor and wiping some old men at a nursing home.

    • sheila says:

      i think that this article comes from a mentality that is quite similar to those who profile people by race, color, ethnicity and so on….maybe some people do go overboard but that doesn’t speak for all of us in the diaspora. i can understand someone asking if it is safe to go to a certain area, if a travel, my safety is my priority, if i have a visitor here, there are places i would advise them not to go to due to high crime rates in those areas. yes we consider ourselves African American, i AM African with an American nationality. So before you sit on your high horse and judge, get your facts right. We are proud to be African, but excuse us if we dare come there and complain about traffic!! i am sorry but complaining is human nature, even when I am in traffic here i am complaining, there is no biased. Maybe you guys are just taking things too personal and judging from a one sided view. Get the whole picture before you judge thousands of people based on a handful of those you know. it’s such a shame to see such lopsided thinking.

    • Odhiambo says:

      Haha! I have come to the realization that most of you wouldn’t recognize satire if it walked up to them,slapped them and then introduced itself.

    • century of the self says:

      Bywa, You nailed the point. Diasporans need a meausure of apathy too. I think the author gets too tight in their corner. We cant resighn ourselves to “its just the way it is”. We must push for better running of our country.. but with action not complaining. A person is a total sum of his/her experiences. Dont live a half baked life to please anyone.

    • Afrorigi says:

      Might be true that ‘ golden arches’ gave you ‘that long break to nip into your fone..” in the meantime i know of some doctors, lawyers, teachers.etc dying to ‘ flee’ to the diaspora ,ati ‘ hata kama ni kuosha choo’..to quote Aiyeyaa-poa, poa(A.K.A).. ” choose kibaru that pays..kaazi…ni Kazi, “

    • Mbui says:

      Haiya, B-Co…. You want to come out missing??
      They will hire that fellow Kinyua who ate an Oga to consume you!!
      Hahahahaaaa……
      As usual, mind-blowing, hilarious, factual articles you write.
      Give ’em some more, wajinyonge!!

    • Irene says:

      @ Miki I just love you for your comment!

    • Jacinta says:

      Surely and truly….

    • arts says:

      My friend Otis! you can have a hot shower connected for less than Ksh3000/ very affordable nowdays. Electricity reliability is much better today compared to back in 2000. Sometimes we can go for a whole year without experiencing any blackout. Things have really changed in this country.

  12. Kiz says:

    Now my week just started.

  13. N says:

    I was guilty of the comparison game but I also learnt there are things I would not trade for the world, in Kenya there is always hope that processes can be changed albeit slowly, in the UK, the weather will not change no matter how much you complain, so yes, Kenyan sunshine any day 🙂

  14. Reneeissance says:

    “And please don’t ever say ‘You Kenyans’ that’s just racist” Please DON’T!

    http://www.reneemurrey.blogspot.com

  15. Mr. Okeyo says:

    That’s Biko the Master!

  16. Hadassah says:

    I am not surprised but someone had to say it! For me it does not add up when I see posts of you having fun n living large when your family back home is in a state…!

    • Afrorigi says:

      Hadassah, i dont know how it for works for women, but for men, once you get married and have kids, they become your family number 1, then ‘mom’ number 2, then bros, sis’, uncle aunt and all other relas…so dont fault a fella for looking out for number 1 first..

    • mkweli says:

      This is the Ignorance of thinking that Living abroads equals lots money there are guys abroad who dont have a roof on Top, its histling.

  17. J.Muriuki says:

    A preacher once said ” the day Kenyans start behaving like Kenyans, then we , as Kenyans , shall change the world.

  18. Baraka says:

    LOL Biko you kill it daily —>You know what we secretly laugh at behind your backs, dear Diasporas? When you come visiting and you tell us smugly, “ You know, back at home…” Back at home? Excuse us. United States of America is not your home, son! Your home is Nyansore, South Mugirango. Isn’t that where the remains of your dear mother lies? I’m sorry, was your grumps buried in Brookhaven, Atlanta? You are called Moguche, how many native Londoners are called Moguche? And please don’t ever say “you Kenyans,” That’s just racist.
    You just made my Monday!

  19. Joe Mwega says:

    Politics here needs time and energy not a quote from Malcom X. that totally nailed it. recently a friend of mine from the states started talking crap about thika road flooding relating it to the fire at JKIA. His comment was style up, Kenya or something to that effect. Let me not say that I felt like going all nkt. that is an understatement. thanks for voicing out our thoughts for us..hopefully out there they do read. esp this blog.

  20. Ocs Sukach Nyiri (@atwenga) says:

    Haha good read.

    We are always busy in jams and in facebook..lool

    At least my relatives abroad don’t behavior this way

    • Reh says:

      “don’t behavior?? ” new English perhaps?

    • graduategamers says:

      you could have gone to school before buying a computer

    • jim says:

      Sukach nyiri you guy? Wah? Ja mach

    • Nyagüthii says:

      If only we would spend as much time and energy criticizing each others command of the our individual mother tongues as we do on the English language.

      Whoever wrote this article forgot that Kenyans in the Diaspora tend to be much more conscious and proud of their race and culture than the mentally colonized and enslaved Kenyans back home

  21. Ng'esh says:

    you mean that guy was from Umo and the way it has been dangerous since the beginning of time. The alteration of cultures doesn’t mean you get your memory erased. People from diaspora, Kenya is the only country that has it ALL. Keyword, all.

    • Afrorigi says:

      I grew up around umo, outer, buru, Sou,long before umo2, sijui tena, and all the kadhalikas came about, i dont know which “umo has always been dangerous since the beggining..” You speak of..

  22. Eva (@EvaDiiva) says:

    Even the ones from Dubai now come back with an accent, SMH!

  23. Maureen says:

    Well said, I wish the Kenyans in diaspora would read this! I have a friend who went to Germany less than three years ago, she says she can’t come back because of the constant grenade attacks, for her Kenya is not safe enough and remember we went to kisumu girls together. And don’t get me started on how she expects everyone to drop their plans when she’s around. She even complains about traffic and she knows that outering road jam has been there even before she left. This article should be on one of their blogs where they whine about Kenya.
    And oh! can you also add that washing clothes with our hands is still hygienic? I hate it when they say that they’ll get some infection when we don’t use washing machine.

    • Brenda says:

      Ati the constant grenade attacks, shame, I have friends who have been in a conference in Egypt for the past one week, they went because they believe in development and they love their continent. Non of them was scared. They are very safe and they’ve given me hope that one of these fine days the bloodshed in Egypt will end. Just like it stopped back home (Kenya). So to hear that your friend is scared of the constant grenade attacks is just absurd. Please remind her that once you loss touch with your culture you become a slave.

    • Afrorigi says:

      ” outer jams been long since she left..” -this kind of mentality, and wonder we get classified as 3rd world..

  24. NameAnn Kafi says:

    I hear they are called summer bunnies 🙂

  25. john maina says:

    very true Biko. especially when they try business. they flop

  26. Benjaps says:

    Hehehehehe ….. You killed me with laughter you Kenyan!

    “Try Tamasha, they have happy hour” … Hehehe … They even have #Team50 when they sell select tots at 50 baab … Hehehe

  27. Kendi says:

    Once again, your writing makes my day! Well, as a Kenyan living in the UK, I dare say your analysis of ‘diasporans’ is spot on! I must add that not all are guilty of that……some of us are really grounded and in touch with reality bak home….and yes, Cambridge isn’t my home, Kenya is!

  28. Frederick says:

    And here I am having stayed in Jozi for a couple of years all I could bring back home was ‘Yaah Ne! What a waste of time.

  29. kenyaone says:

    First class….!!!

  30. SKS says:

    You nailed it…I have travelled round quite abit and there is no place I would rather be – East West Home is best… With our noisy unruly matatus, add those annoying boda bodas, those kenchic ‘fatty’ chips and chicken, our good old KPLC, I wouldn’t trade them for systems that run smoothly in cold Countries with somewhat ‘coldish’ people …

    • Victor says:

      somewhat ‘coldish’ people . Spot on my friend. It funny how all Kenyans in the diaspora have been put in one box(out of touch box). Someone needs to write a new narrative this one has been overplayed.

    • SKS says:

      And please return our ‘scorching sun’ if you may..so we use the Solar Panels B-)

  31. Vasilievich says:

    This —> “..It’s not like we are sitting here allowing the politicians to shaft us without as much as dinner first. It’s not that we have become so politically numb and inept. No, we make noise. On twitter. We stoke Boniface Mwangi’s fires on Facebook then we go on Youtube to see if he survived the fracas…”

  32. G.Khimani says:

    Can someone send this to Makau Mutua Letter from New York,on the political stuff he writes about home,has the guy ever done a public video conference with any of the Kenyan news studios to show solidarity ? only yapping away on pen and paper…

    • lea says:

      i second you.

    • Lawrence says:

      Then there is politics. Isn’t it flattering that every guy in diaspora has a solution to our political problems? And this is only because, I suspect, they have read Obama’s “Audacity of Hope.” Guys, like Mikhail Gorbachev once said, if you really want to change things back home, you got to go back home. You just can’t change things during your tea break at Starbucks. I‘m afraid it’s a bit more complicated than that. This animal called African politics needs time and energy, not a quote from Malcolm X. –

    • Mimi Wamae says:

      Spot on G. I couldn’t help thinking about Makau Mutua’s Sunday ‘pearls of wisdom’ to clueless natives.

  33. Mtu Flani says:

    Lol, point taken. But you guyz should also lower yo’ expectay-shenz.

  34. Karimi says:

    I approve this blog post.

  35. Boss says:

    If this is what Kenyans think about us in the diaspora, then its such a shame. Some of us come home, and leave without making a fuss. We ride in the same matatus as everyone else, and eat mutura with relish.

    Someone needs to tell the other side of the story. There are accomplished Kenyans who do not need to convince everyone they have made it.

    Also kuishi kwingi, kuona mengi. There is knowledge that comes from interacting with other cultures for extended periods. Let the Kenyans in the diaspora add their voice to National conversations.

    • Nancy says:

      True that Boss, I second you on this one. Some of us who live abroad do not fit the summer bunny bill. we dont need to prove anything to anyone, and fit right in with everyone else when we are home, you would never guess we live out “there” YesI have lived outside nearly 20 years and no; i dont have an accent and I miss roasted maize 🙂

    • Vicky says:

      I was gone for four years, I came back and guys couldn’t believe i was taking a matatu, I meet friends in town (4months down the line) and they ask me to buy them lunch. “what did I bring from “abroad”? I was in school, and no, money doesn’t grown on trees there. I’m out here hustling for a job like everybody else. There are two sides of the story, Biko, you haven’t lived in the diaspora, and no visiting doesn’t count.so please don’t be too quick to judge.

    • Christina 'Nimu' says:

      Amusing read, but I find that most of us ‘of the diaspora’ have been put in the same category. I must protest that we are all different. Others go out there and don’t come back, others go and come back with accents, others come back and are unsatisfied with the conditions, others pick up just where they left off… and so on… yes it can be annoying when some come back and think they’re better than others, but not all act like that. In response to the ‘accent thing’, for me, its just how we got the locals there to understand us better (giving presentations in uni was a nightmare because they wouldn’t understand most of what we were saying as international students, so not just kenyans but just anyone not from england). So we had to adapt, and it got easier and soon second nature…. and yes there are also those wannabe’s who force the accent (yet they’re fresh off the boat) and go on and on about being abroad. So I get where Biko and others are coming from, but we’re not all the same.

    • Annitta says:

      I may be British and yes originally from Kenya and having lived in the UK for over 15yrs, my accent changed just as much as my citizenship. I still acknowledge Kenya as my motherland but I dont live there. Obviously things have changed and I have changed, you dont expect my accent not to change after living in a different environment for so long. Would I have been in Mombasa, I would have a coastal swahili accent, but at that no one would penalise and judge me because Mombasa is in Kenya. You live in Germany or Iceland, their national language is german and Icelandic most of them do not speak english. So you live there for 10yrs and over and someone expects your english to remain the same? Remember english is/wasnt’ my mother tongue, I learnt it too in school. Obviously there are so many things that life abroad offers that I cannot compare to Kenya, and if they bother and I have to whine why not? Dont you whine in your village Biko? I also whine at things here in the UK, so spare us your long oratory judgements on a 6or less than visit visa and give people wrong info. The lastime I checked this is a free world, one can live anywhere they choose to, speak whatever language in whatever accent they want so if you feel comfy without whinning at the traffic along jogoo road as it may be something you have gotten used to, I may not be comfortable. I queu to get into a bus and no one snatches my wallet or handbag in the process unlike back home. We must glorify vices in the name of being Kenyan, some of these practises we must shun and learn to make better from experiences borrowed from other cultures. …(Diversity) so what of the chinese, japanese who live in the UK and USA and their accent change with time? Yes there are indians and if they have lived here for a while there accents change, this shows your inknowledgeable experience during your visit to the UK. My daughter of 13yrs has been in the UK for the last 4yrs since she was 9 and her accent is nothing like she left Kenya, her swahili is crap at the moment. So hell to the NO, spare us the crap of Diasporans coming to change Kenya, we came here to search for a better life and do the little we can to help our families. Kenya cannot save itself so and neither can the rest of Kenyans living there do much to change anything. Let live and live with whatever makes each of us comfortable but do not drum negativities into people’s ears about life abroad. What are the positives? If life abroad is not for you Biko, may not be the same for everyone else.

    • Muziq Bafa says:

      And if one say, felt the need to ‘prove a point’, who is one to tell them not to..i as a kenyan are not accountable to the other..like we used to say, ” wewe nani amekuzuia”.. Granted ‘Biko’ is an author-they and artists, philosophers..etc , shape the culture, keep culture ‘in-check’,but that this made it to ‘print’ , leads me to believe that some ‘kenyans’ do have a lot of time in their hands..

  36. Ohweknow says:

    Eish..mkubwa! Umewatandika na kiboko kweli kweli. “Boka rao!” they call it in Kendu Bay. I am yet to meet a diasporan who has picked up an indian or Chinese accent…why doesn’t that happen?

    • vic says:

      you have to speak the language to pick up the accent, how many speak mandarin or hindi ?

    • feng shui says:

      me go speak to you like its nin hao on thika road, then quickly switch to a serius gujuratified english accent and before the very thika road floods imma bid you farewell in wariahe speak and by the time u say pardon me..i shashamane it fi ya……it can be done, it has been done -Shrug

      they are just languages PEOPLE! STOP getting offended when kenyan natives acquire new ways fi talk… and if you have to, then hate on the Bara people who live in the coast so long they speak pure swahili like them grew up there..Think Ann Ngugi( KTN SWahili newscaster)

    • Koko says:

      I speak Hindi ……..so what?. I remember my days as a student in India well. How people back home would make Fun of my Indian accent every Year I came home for Summer breaks. At the same time expected …… rather, demanded a treat or a gift from a ……. student. Now having lived in Germany for 12 years, dont blame nor laugh at my German accent. Dont blame me when I complain about corruption, water shortage, power cuts, traffic, air & noise pollution. Its wrong to say, thats the way it is. Dont expect us to bring change nor take it for granted, our rocks are meant to feed family back home. When you visit us abroad, we take leave from work to be with you, we clear the kids room for you, we hire a vehicle to show you around, we take you shopping, wo buy your meals and send you off with gifts for everyone including the neigbour’s tots. When we come home, we come to relax from the long, dark winter chills, to enjoy the weather, food and spend time with family and friends. And not to be ripped off from family, friends & strangers.

    • Ohweknow says:

      Kuna kitu inaitwa saitre people…tongue in cheek guys,..tongue in cheek. It is never that serious!

    • Ohweknow says:

      I meant to say satire (at least there are no grammar nazis around). As for Koko,….I sympathise with you and how you view yourself as the typically stereotyped diasporan. This was not meant to be a piece to pick up a fight with, but clearly it shows how pent up emotions are for many folks who found an avenue to spew their frustrations and intolerance.
      Mimi ni mtu wa ku-enjoy satire, sarcasm and all pieces with irony twisted in it. If you cannot spot a joke and light note….pole ndugu!
      Peace!

  37. Valentine Ziki says:

    Well written and the truth is well spoken. This is how Kenya works. Wish the diaspora folks would be honest enough and admit that life overseas is not a bed of roses. The weather sucks, you’re ‘black’ in most places and the pressure man, the pressure to come back home loaded. Not forgetting how many dream of coming home..

    • Victor says:

      And life in Kenya is a bed of roses? Abroad you are “black” but in Kenya you are kyuk Jeng, Lunj, kao dorobo etc.

    • Wangari says:

      Give us a break already the americans dont want us in there country and fellow kenyans dont understand us,we are rediculed by the mzungu for our kenyan accent,you think you speak english but when you get here they think you are speaking a foreign language hence the tweng

    • Wangari says:

      Please I hate it here am only here coz I was jobless back home but I can work and support my family,they think am illetrate coz I come from africa they think we run around kenya and they dont understand my english coz of my kenyan accent! What bloody accent.

    • Priscah says:

      They say if you go to Rome you do what the Romans do. Its amazing how we in the Diaspora are judged by our fellow Kenyans. Have a look at this Scenario. You plan to meet one of your friends back home when on Holidays,they Show up hours later, but you are not allowed to complain, otherwise watasema unaringa.As a Diasporas if you are home People expect you to be loaded, maybe they think pesa zinaokotwa huku,mara they want this mara that. On the other Hand if you decide to splash your Money the way Biko has put it, we become criticized ati tunajionyesha,and tunaambiwa they know life is not a bed of roses huku but if you tell them the same wanasema ati unadanganya.I mean guys get serious.About the Accent Thing si kitu ya kujiwekelea.Just as someone said we acquire accents to be understood by the natives and after a period of years it becomes normal and automatic to speak like that. I remember my first years living in the UK,after expressing myself in English the Kenyan way, One of my lectures was like“that Accent will get you nowhere“And no I don’t work at McD or Change Peoples diapers, so haters spare me.Finally These fellow Kenyans hating on us are the very same ones ukienda home wanakushow vile uwa unganishie Job hapa majuu and here they are pretending and dissing.

    • Muziq Bafa says:

      ‘Bed of roses in deed..’ Only the other day some kenyan went bananas- couldnt be served..what …pasties?..@ Prisca, heri those ones asking for jobs..some that i come across-even married ones go like ‘huwezi nitafutia kamzungu hapo?’..as if they had heard i run a ka-pimping biz…also the number of Kenyans selling their biznas ati to go abroad is unbelievable,case in point- check olx.. Me thinks when visa and ‘papers’ all thro’ bitterness is inevitable…

  38. The Real G says:

    Shared this with my sister abroad. Cant wait for her response. However, you forget the part where they come back from waitering at McDonald’s and we descend upon them with delirious requests for handouts.

    • ekinyanjui says:

      Wacha wivu Binti . Dada yako hachakukosea . She is also fighting to FIT IN . What has your post help her with .

    • Priscah says:

      I don`t see no problem working at McD. It pays her school fees, pays her bills and helps put food on the table and not forgetting Mpesaring her hard earned money to relatives who sit their lazy arses waiting for Manna to fall from the Diaspora.

  39. sharon says:

    absolutely amazing letter. I love it. Its funny and has so much truth to it is unbelievable! Especially that part about them forgetting where they came from.. such a shame.

  40. Tina says:

    Can’t stop laughing. This relates to so many people I know. A friend of mine went to Australia, came back to visit and proudly declared that she is no longer a Kenyan! Poor soul.

    • Annitta says:

      What is wrong with her not being Kenyan? I naturalised as British so yes am British originally from Kenya. Dual Citizenship ringing a bell????????of course if you had a chance to change a few things in your life you would be, who would not?

  41. Wanjiru says:

    It seems that Kenyans in the diaspora are more versed with what goes on in Kenya than in their host countries and seem to comment only in their home blogs. Don’t they socialize with non-Kenyans and the people they live and work with out there? The politics of their host country should be of more importance as they affect them more. For some their friends are only from their tribe and they even attend Kikuyu church services in the US. Despite their global travel they still live in their tribal cocoons and do not learn or appreciate any new cultures or make new friends. How sad.

    • kiterunner says:

      so true, tribalism is worse out there.

    • Nimmu says:

      Maybe that’s practiced by people from specific ethnic origins. But generally speaking, one needs to embrace the cultures of where they mostly reside (US, Kenya, Australia… name it). But that shouldn’t deter me from commenting and/or complaining about what’s not working – in my country of origin. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t, and if I’m concerned,
      then I’ll to complain – and I shouldn’t relent until it’s works right! I’ve lived in Kenya most of my life, and the last time I was outside was like 15yrs back. But I think it’s unfair for diaspora guyz to be attacked. I believe everyone would probably behave the same – if given an opportunity to live abroad….

  42. Vince says:

    I like this guy…rather this guy’s writing; and No- I am not gay!
    Whenever i read through his lines, it feels like a wave of joy has invaded my vessels. It tickles my creative juices,to the extent that I feel sufficiently motivated to put two or so lines of my own. Keep cheering us man

  43. JK says:

    Amusing. I have lived in the diaspora for the last 8 years.

    Yes, there is lots truth in what you are saying but I can definitely read arrogance because people in the diaspora are not sheep to be put into the same pen…but all the same a good read.

    When I come home and I do come twice a year – I barely have to ask anyone if Loita street is safe – my family and cattle in Kajiado takes most of my time.

    Nothing much has changed in Nairobi streets – I can still find my way to the pubs, banks and offices. I even feel safer in Nairobi. Friends tend to move on quick – so I stopped bothering to catch up for a drink – that’s just reality. What brings be back is family.

    Traffic – I used to get the same in Los Angeles and now in Johannesburg. The motorcycle does wonders. Biko, buy one for yourself and save time instead of those hours on traffic.

    About dollars and accents – I agree. Some guys can be real idiots – as if they have landed from the moon. If they behave like that in Kenya, they do the same in North America.

    I would defend the accent thing though – people learn to survive – you learn to speak Americanese so that can get a job. How can you do a call centre job in America with a Kikuyu or Luo accent or any customer service job? Biko, wacha zako. Even your radio and TV presenters are all over the country with foreign accents.

    I must stop because it is getting too long!

    • mike says:

      JK,totally agree with you,had to change my accent,first in Johannesburg, and again in Sydney Australia to be able to communicate effectively with locals,otherwise they will not understand a word you are saying. On traffic jams,i must admit also used to get slow at times but lets face it, dry taps and power outages are rare in SA and Australia..and if it happens you will have been warned weeks in advance..and of course i cant forget our unreliable meteorological department,in SA and Australia you get weather forecasts to shocking accuracies,how i wish we had such in Kenya,then our agricultural production would triple..and hey,some of us dnt bother with Nairobi when we are back in Kenya,and if we do then we drink from local joints,eat mutura in Umoja..generally avoid anything that reminds me of overseas life…but i have noticed ‘summer bunnies’ are different,we have the educated ones,those ones who earn good monies abroad and dont have time to show off while back in Kenya…and then we have those ones doing three manual jobs..

    • GN says:

      KUDOS!! Jk and Mike u’ve hit all areas. his article is pure generalization and one sided.

    • NameDeey says:

      ”Even your radio and TV presenters are all over the country with foreign accents”.

      Key word here is ”YOUR”…there it goes again eeh! Embrace your country my friend.

      Biko, well said!

  44. Reh says:

    I have a friend who went to the same primary school as i did. This person recently posted: ” I am glad the Jubilee government is ruling well back home, all the new roads will ensure more food for Kenyans.” .. i was pissed…maybe its the same guy who asked you if Loita street is safe!!!!

  45. Rovin Maa says:

    Amusing. I have lived in the diaspora for the last 8 years.

    Yes, there is lots truth in what you are saying but I can definitely read arrogance because people in the diaspora are not sheep to be put into the same pen…but all the same a good read.

    When I come home and I do come twice a year – I barely have to ask anyone if Loita street is safe – my family and cattle in Kajiado takes most of my time.

    Nothing much has changed in Nairobi streets – I can still find my way to the pubs, banks and offices. I even feel safer in Nairobi. Friends tend to move on quick – so I stopped bothering to catch up for a drink – that’s just reality. What brings be back is family.

    Traffic – I used to get the same in Los Angeles and now in Johannesburg. The motorcycle does wonders. Biko, buy one for yourself and save time instead of those hours on traffic.

    About dollars and accents – I agree. Some guys can be real idiots – as if they have landed from the moon. If they behave like that in Kenya, they do the same in North America.

    I would defend the accent thing though – people learn to survive – you learn to speak Americanese so that can get a job. How can you do a call centre job in America with a Kikuyu or Luo accent or any customer service job? Biko, wacha zako. Even your radio and TV presenters are all over the country with foreign accents.

    I must stop because it is getting too long!

  46. Merci says:

    You killed it Biko! That mischievous grin on my face, guys at work keep peeping at my screen. They wonder why am too charged for a Monday!

  47. mwangi says:

    Well written.

    wish I had the nut to forward this to a few individuals

  48. Lois says:

    Haha. Yawa. They are forgeting they come from kasipul kabondo. Nice read 😀

  49. Nizz says:

    This needed to be said…!!!

    Lol 🙂 Also is Loita Street safe? Hahaha “And don’t wear your fancy cologne; it might draw attention to yourself.”

    Great read.

  50. Musa says:

    There’s no doubt you have had many interactions with diaspoarians coz u definitely hit all the right spots and in a very hilarious way. However even as I acknowledge that this is a blog not the NY Times, your comments refuse to look at whether there is any merit in some of the things that diasporians point out. It always tickles me how touchy Kenyans are when their country is criticized and are very content in the fact that Kenya is better than Uganda and Tanzania. However, the fact still remains that customer service is shitty and Kenyans very much contribute to their political problems by restricting themselves to making jokes on twitter and facebook. Just my 2 cents

    • David says:

      As much as Kenyans have contributed to their plight, don’t make nonsensical comparisons. How old is civilisation in Kenya compared to the US, China or India. Pause and ask yourself why stuff works in the west and not in Kenya and give us the answers to implement.

    • Bywa says:

      David, stuff works because people want it to work and make it work! That’s all. But if you are proud of the matatus being a law unto themselves and all other types of nonsense, then nothing will work. And please, stop the self-defeating and tired excuse of the age of civilizations. We do not need 200+ years to appreciate basic tenets of decency and the rule of law.

    • Nyawate says:

      It always tickles me how touchy Kenyans are !! Musa we ni mkenya?! If you are Could you just come back and make those changes you think need to be made…..

  51. Mzee Kobe says:

    Good observation. However its one sided and makes many assumptions.

    1) First, you need to know that the only views we get of kenya, are what we are to find on line as that is the only contact we have with home. So if i watch citizen, nation, star, ktn online and all i see is crime reports and bad politics, that is the impression you get. and trust me they have a habit of making it look like the whole of kenya is falling apart.
    2) Its interesting you note that kenyans are struggling abroad coz of the reduced remmittances, however not every one shares your views. If for any reason we have not visited hoem for donkey years, its because we are constantly sending money to maintain our folks back home, who never appreciate the kind of humiliation we go through to send those littel sums we send. If we send money, atleast a thank you would be appreciated, but it never ends, its always, i want an iphone 5, samsung galaxy 4, i need money to start a business etc etc. no one ever asks how we are, no one ever wonders that if maybe we didnt send that money back home then maybe we would be able to visit kenya frequently and not loose touch with the reality of local life.
    Thirdly, Britain once ruled the world, because, whenever they travelled across continents, they brought back with them ideas, and adopted them. For once, dont you think that diasporans solution may actually work? or do you think they actually speak from their arses? My advice open your minds, and listen to them, they probably do have a point. as for the DJ guy, why couldnt he have just told the diasporan, that he hasnt heard about T-Pain? what is wrong in admitiing that you dont know someone rather than trying to give the impression you know when you dont know?
    as for the diasporan knowing that things have changed, fair enough, its always a shgock whern you find people have moved on, however, you guys are guilty of a show off malaise as i call it. every one wants to show the diasporan how well they are doing, busy trying to show off their cars, houses, money, buying drinks like its the end of the world. we have our own money and can buy our own drinks, we have seen all that materialism, its not knew to us. all we want is to spend time with you and talk about the old good days when we had nothing. so stop looking at things froma narrrow minded view, and for once appreciate that however different we are, we are still kenyans and should work together for the prosperity of our country.

    • Malcolm says:

      Love your comment, hauehuaheua they blame peopkle but truth be told from the minute you land there is a list of people with the most outrageous demands following you around and woe be unto you ukikataa kuwasaidia ….. hahahahah things have changed in kenya and people there are now sooo rich some of them earn double what I earn and work half of what I work yet I am still the bad one when I ignore the endless stream of Mpesa me this much messages

    • Nyas says:

      “Thirdly, Britain once ruled the world, because, whenever they travelled across continents, they brought back with them ideas, and adopted them. For once, don’t you think that diasporans solution may actually work? or do you think they actually speak from their arses? My advice open your minds, and listen to them, they probably do have a point. ”

      While your comment has very solid points any Kenyan from the diaspora who only complains that things don’t work and makes comparisons is no different from the average Kenyan who only makes noise on social media or in social gatherings but takes no initiative to change things in this country.

      A round of applause for every Kenyan who has lived in the diaspora and come back home and done something, however small, to contribute to the positive development of our country with the knowledge and insight they gained from living in developed economies.

    • Brian says:

      Great point, and finally bringing it to a full circle. There is always another perspective. If the one you have is not serving you in the way you’d like, then change it – or at least acknowledge that it can be changed.

  52. MDM says:

    Loita street..hell I’m taking a bullet proof vest..yer know!

  53. Middle Ground says:

    Like it or not we shall have to find a middle ground. Yes people at home have changed; people abroad have changed too. The problem is when people abroad or at home claim to know more. People abroad are also tired of conversations involving money. Every time one calls home to say hi, the conversation ends up in money. Can’t we just say hi and appreciate those abroad as people and not banks? Hateful articles are not going to change anything. All we need is a little bit of tolerance from both sides

  54. Bobo says:

    Hahahaha nailed it……Will forward this to some fellows i know in the diaspora..

  55. Rachel says:

    This is soooo true, great read!!

  56. Mwangi says:

    Brilliant piece!! Of Kenyans who hail from Nyansore, South Mugirango, schooled in Durban, picked an American accent, and are worried about safety along Loita Street. “You Kenyans” in the diaspora are just a special lot

  57. Malcolm says:

    Have been guilty of some of these wrongs as put above BUT as someoene else said up there, after a few years there are some things that you would never trade for anything…….I LOVE KENYA WITH ALL MY HEART AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE KENYA. and no matter what is wrong with it it will always be my Home, BUT where I live now has also become a second home and there are things here I wouldn´t trade for the world ……..

    anyways we Diasporiana are guilty of a lot of sins ………. Mimi sina kwetu niwacheni na Amani, because after years of thinking I was from there I discovered even my grandparents were immigrants from somewhere else ……………..

    hata sijui nlikuwa nasema nini ……

    wacha nikauze KFC as mwingine saifd hahahahahhahaha

  58. feng shui says:

    middle ground has a point here.. this coin has two sides…i dont like the loita street side coz eh, i dont have an oblong coin( what happen to the shillingi tano coin..the real kobole..i hazard a guess here, kobole means oblong mayherps?

    any hoo, a bit of tolerance from all fronts..and now biko an article on kenyan news casters and how they copy and paste from cnn/sky/nbc albeit without the natural smoothness of native speakers of a language, any language( the swahili is done very well though..dont player hate on that !

  59. Oldie wa RCBowen a.k.a DHARUBA! says:

    Biko,
    You will never understand us until you walk in our shoes. Just like we will never understand you guys who never left Kenya and built your lives hapo. Our reference points and experiences are different. If you walked in our shoes and stayed abroad for those 11 years and read those daily bizarre Kenyan news stories of demonic cats dodging nine bullets while the entire neighborhood watches, Al shabaab bombs going off twaff even on Moi Avenue, police pickpockets on Thika hwy, and WHOLE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT BURNING DOWN (WTF?) trust me you too would be asking if Loita Street is safe.

    • Nkatha says:

      That is the truth!

    • Annitta says:

      Wellsaid Oldie,on point. Evrything changes with time, even the Kenyans at home have changed why not the ones in Diaspora. If I could count how many friends on fb I went to school with in primary,secondary,and University who got no jobs. You try to evade replying to their messages or calling as every call ends in asking for cash to do this and that like we pluck them from trees here abroad. If Kenya was that superb to the life we live here, they would never be asking for money, they would never be asking us for ways on how to come abroad.

  60. Okari says:

    Hehe, Biko, it is Nyasore, there is no n and it is not in South Mugirango. Good read though. This is one debate I would really love to watch unfold;Kenyans in the diaspora and Kenyans wenyewe (wenye wako Kenya). For once, it wont be about some tribe and some tribe. Keep up.

  61. Mungos says:

    Standing ovation bro this hit the nail on the head

  62. Judy says:

    Wow you’ve hit the nail on the head, on this one. Years from now i will still be reading this article, soooo funny

    • not calling Kenya home says:

      Its absolute utter rubbish. It is one man’s opnion. I call where my heart tells me to call -home . It rills me when people think I am too a fancy to speak swahili, I never spoke swahili since I could speak so why should i try to please someone just to show that I am grounded to my roots.as for checking if I can get robbed on whatever street…yes I will ask. Anyone visitor to a certain contry will ask. Kenyan should travel more often and stop being so shallow by judging other. In short everything changes- WHEN IN ROME ACT LIKE ROMANS. Foutsek!!

  63. Miss Dee says:

    Biko i am your number 1 fan but today……..Rovin Maa and Mzee Kobe have said it all. For crying out loud ofcourse I will pick up an accent. Don’t we usually say when you go to Rome, do as the Romans do? Besides its not fun having to repeat yourself coz half the class/workplace does not understand what you are saying in your “african accent”. Accent=survival.

    Talking about politics in Kenya, I am in a political science class so i have to keep up with politics at home. What Kenyan media regurgitate to us is very limited information so yes I will call home very often to ask for more accurate information. Besides its not interesting that I have to defend my country here and on the other hand Kenyans are just criticizing me.

    My apologies for the summer bunnies behavior but i have no apologies for being a Kenyan abroad. I still speak and teach Kiswahili, Kikuyu, Luhya and Maasai. First thing I do when I get home is go to shags and have a home cooked meal with family. BTW we would appreciate a phone call/ skype from home every now and then that has nothing to do with money. It gets lonely out here. Lets not criticize but appreciate.

  64. ericmadung says:

    This type of blanket condemnation is the bane of Kenyan problems , it is merely another form of “ism” only that now the object of hate is the tribe called diaspora.I came back to Kenya after 10yrs and it was mostly because of reasons beyond my control , to make fun of someone who was not able to bury their parent is beneath low.When I was home many were suprised how my sheng was good and none could even tell that I had lived outside for that long , my dress code was very modest and was quite impressed with the way kenyans shine.Bikos lamentation represents manys true feelings about the diaspora , it is a thinly vieled jealousy and envy the same guy who is ranting diaspora this , diaspora that will be the first to catch a plane as soon as he wins a green card so he can start making the green.Let us face it , Kenya is an unequal society and the class system shuts the door for so many people out here you get a shot in life all you need is confidence and willingness to reach the apple so Biko you are welcome to America when you eventualy get that elusive visa , you are even welcome to sleep on my couch untill you buy that dream mansion.

  65. gitts says:

    funny look at it, we can make home so good nobody would want to leave!

  66. Gladys Mbatiah says:

    Awesome piece Biko!!

  67. George says:

    Perfect just perfect!! Tell them Biko

  68. Bitu says:

    Wawawa…well put Biko! Spot on!

  69. MKM says:

    Great article, it reminds me of some pals who used to come every summer.

    The same can be applied to guys who come to Nairobi after growing up in shags. Get an accent, change attitude, look down on folk they left back home. As a matter of fact, this could be a whole article on its own

  70. Khogro Madhajes says:

    its uncanny how all our friends who have flown out come back and behave in the same way. this article is accurate down to how they expect you to be in the same spot they left you and having as much time as you had back then.
    good read.

    • Bywa says:

      Uongo! There are many of us who are more reasonable than this article suggests. Some of you took it too seriously- like someone was voicing something that’s been bugging you and you had no guts or wit to express it. But I think (or hope) it was just written tongue-in-cheek. Just laugh it off and stop acting like your hero just stood up for you… In the diaspora or not we continue being Kenyans. And yes, our sojourn in other cultures will impact and change our perspectives in many ways- deal with it! We make no apologies for ourselves. Neither do we need to be like you or think like you or accomodate your limited point of view.

    • Christina 'Nimu' says:

      1. They don’t all behave in the same way.
      2. This is not accurate, because it does not recognise 1. and although amusing, is highly one sided.
      3. Some of us come back excited to see the growth of our country and our friends…. so…. refer to 1.

    • Sharon says:

      Bywa you may not behave that way but most Kenyans who live in the diaspora do

  71. Mwende says:

    Standing ovation Biko!

  72. D.od says:

    This article is simply brilliant!!! Couldn’t have said it better myself. Been having this conversation with my friends at home all the time when they ask me how come I haven’t become all ‘bourgeois’ like everyone else who goes abroad be it for school or work.
    Well the simple answer to that is because I am Kenyan, always have been, always will be. I have lived in the US for four years now and I come home once a year during my summer breaks. The Kenyans in diaspora I have come to know around America n Canada would always look down upon my travelling back home as if I’m heading back to some kind of prison, saying why would u want to go back to having water problems, power problems, riding matatus and to the filthiness of Nairobi. It’s not safe there and Kenyans party too much n never work blah blah blah… N yes, they did say Kenyans as if they too are not Kenyan so I’m glad u pointed that out.. Living in a different country should not change who you are, it should actually make you an even stronger Kenyan at that. I have a friend who told me she doesn’t go home because she feels she can’t relate to Kenya anymore. She can’t relate to the people aka her friends that she has known since childhood.. WTH?? That really baffles me because she has only been abroad for 4 yrs, just like me. This was two years in when she said this, yet she used to be the most down to earth person I know. She is even thinking of becoming a full citizen of the country she is in now, n luckily for her she won’t have to disown her Kenyan passport but I’m sure if she had to choose, she would have dropped it in a heartbeat.
    I am not a major fan of life abroad, I came here to study and now that I’m done I’m just fulfilling my life’s dream of wanting to travel the world. I love home and will be relocating back there this December:) I agree with you about the ridiculous behaviour of certain Kenyans in diaspora but as someone has said so above, not all of us have turned a blind eye to our country. Some of us are still well grounded and keep up with it everyday.
    Once again, brilliant piece Biko, glad u brought this to light.

    • Khadija says:

      Nothing was brought about here other than stereotyping. And four years is not that long, no one I know considers Kenya a prison. Good on you that you can afford to go home often, some of us cant afford it, have established roots etc.
      Just bloody get of your high horses.

    • D.od says:

      Khadija, as I said.. NOT EVERYONE is like that. Some of the Kenyans I have met during my time here and some I knew from before who came here around the same time as I did are the ones I say have the negative look towards home. I did not say it was EVERY SINGLE KENYAN in the diaspora. And I, just like you, work extremely hard here and one of the reasons I work a lot is to save for my trips back home. I told myself I would go back every year and nothing will stop that routine as that is the only time I get to see my family and friends. You may have established roots here but some of us still have roots back home that we would like to remain tied to.
      I did not say four years is a long time, in fact I mentioned me being here for ONLY four years as opposed to most people who have been here much longer. I am glad you feel at home here and have established a foundation here, though that isn’t the same for some of us. You are lucky enough not to have met those type of kenyans but I have and it saddens me that they have such a negative look towards our country. Anyway to each his own, this was just my 2 cents on the matter and that was yours. No disrespect at all.

    • Oldie wa RCBowen a.k.a DHARUBA! says:

      Is your return home “voluntary”? ha ha ha. Most returnees go home for good because they do not have papers and their visas are expiring so of course they will justify how much of a paradise Kenya is because they do not have a choice! Good luck in that tribalism and dust infested pit named Kenya!!

    • D.od says:

      It is voluntary, Im blessed to have that choice and I choose to go home. I don’t need to justify it for you or anyone else. like I said, I want to travel the world, experience a multitude of different cultures and continue enriching myself with knowledge from all over and so I will be diasporan for quite some time, in the end though, I know where I want to settle and that’s back home in Kenya.

      Thank you for your wishes and good luck to you too, wherever you are.

    • Tim says:

      Lets be honest; it does not apply to all in diaspora, but it does for about 90%!

  73. Paula says:

    i know someone i want to tell this so bad her conduct when she came back to Kenya after 6 years was astounding to say the least.

  74. Brian says:

    What does miro mean???????

  75. kiogora gatimbu says:

    You have caught attention of many but forgotten that not all fall in this class…..we got the down to earth who even dont announce their coming,easy to be with,come down all the way to mashambani,enjoy bolied maize and the evening walks in the tea plantations and so on….in ur next article plz highlight on his as well…only that way it will look unbiased

  76. Freddy says:

    Haha. This made my evening. Glad I visited. Cheers and rock on Biko! I haf a twendi dorra bill in my pocket…does that make me diasporan too? Haha. Thanks for the laugh.

  77. sheila says:

    I just died!!!!!! this is tooo funny…. you nailed it!!

    http://www.ateliermon.blogspot.com

  78. Brian says:

    Very one sided post. A few things I thought I’d mention.

    1. Saying “you Kenyans” isn’t racist at all. Racism is based on race. I believe Kenya is a multi-racial country and saying “you Kenyans” isn’t really racist. It’s insulting yes, but not racism.

    2. I believe there is a huge population of dutch people in South Africa and I’ve met quite a couple of dutch people that sound kinda American.

    3. I’ve lived in Kenya for about 20 years and have only been in town a number of times. Don’t know some street names/buildings and so on. So if I ask if a street I’ve never heard of is safe, it’s a pretty logical question. I do the same thing about towns/cities I’ve never heard of in other countries too. So don’t jump into conclusions making general statements.

    4. When someone complains about service in a restaurant or something else for instance. It is because they are obviously used to living differently. They will adjust to life in Kenya when they get back, so just give them time. It also isn’t just how Kenya is when you say, poverty is the same as it was 10 years ago. Should there be no development? Are you disillusioned? There’s a sense of acceptance of the status quo I sense in this post. You mention Kenya has some level of poverty, so should the situation remain the same because this is Kenya? You see that person living in the diaspora has lived a different life and he wants to come back to a country like the one he/she lived in. It’s obviously not going to happen overnight but that urge to want to better your home is where it begins. Dreams are great, dreams turn into visions are great for a developing country. While some ideas of how Kenya can benefit politically may not really apply, some could.
    While some people may be gloating, not everyone gloats as you think. Open your eyes and don’t generalise.

    • Mzee Kobe says:

      You nailed it my man. I went back home, with a business idea copied from a company in the states. met up with one of my childhood buddies who was into IT business for over 10 years, seeking his advice on how i can establish my business idea and if he was interested we could join hands. He dismissed the idea outright, calling me an ignorant Diasporan, and that i should keep those american ideas in America as they would never work in kenya, and that he has over 10 years experience in the IT industry of kenya and people have tried my idea and failed miserably. He also stated that Diasporans think they know yet they know nothing. Must admit i was shocked at the hostility. So i approached an ex diasporan who we once shared a house with back in our university days. He embraced the idea and we set the ball running. My mate still is in shock how the idea worked and now the bizna is doing better than his. I sometimes think all this hostility to the kenyan diasporan is to do with an inferiority complex, with some people back home i.e the DJ who could not admit he has never heard of T-Pain. same way their are some diasporans who to cover up for their inferiority complex will insist on drinking coke, as water is dangerous, eating cake as ugali will mess their tummy, Hiring a car coz matatus are expensive etc etc

    • Tim says:

      you are in denial

  79. Joe says:

    This is a slighlty irritating article from a very narrow minded individual who aims to entertain a particular audience by insulting a particular people (the Kenyan in Diaspora).

    We are all individual and have our own character traits, just because you have a friend abroad who behaves like a little shit whenever he/she visits doesn’t give you the right to say all Kenyans in diaspora are arses.

    Britain is home for me now, not Kenya, my mother died and is burried in Kenya. she worked so hard to educate, feed and house my brother and I with very little income. From this, I learnt how to be extremely hard working, focused, tenacious and ambitious. I moved here against all odds, like growing up in the poor side of eastlands. My mother, rest her soul in peace, tried to move us abroad a few times when we were little, to improve our quality of life, she did not succeed, but after her death, her sons did manage to move abroad (making her proud am sure), I am sure, my mum would not want me to come back to Kenya to suffer with unemployement and poverty (yes I was unemployed for the 6 yrs between finishing high school and moving abroad) just because that is where she is burried. She, unlike our writter here, had realistic expectations, through life and am sure after life as well.

    I started off in UK washing cars, managed to get into the Armed Forces, worked my way up in the forces from a private infantry soldier to a dentaly qualified non commisioned officer (so we do not all work in McDonalds and we are not financialy struggling) we just dont fucking appreciate sending money home to some bum sitting on their ass waiting for manner to fall down from heaven or western union. Mali yangu ni yangu, so screw the idea that the figures from central bank are an indicator that our pockets are running dry.

    I have been ‘home’ recently, last year, and the year before and the year before, I always use public transport and walk the streets. While doing this, I am always vigilant of my wallet and phone, like every kenyan and actually every individual in every country does (surprise dumb ass, no one likes being robbed)I do meet up with my true friends, only when they are free, the rest of the time, I do my own stuff and no, I dont take the boys for drinks, I dont believe in that crap, I wake up at 0530, go for a 10KM run, get ready for work, be at work for 0800, work through to 1730 then head home, there is no way after all that, I am coming to take you out for drinks with my hard earned money (I dont expect you to take me out when you decide to visit me here one day). The only thing that marred my last trip, was a makanga trying to charge me more because he thought I wasnt that with it. Nimezaliwa eastlands na change alinirudishia.

    Forgive the french in my article, but to be quite honest, you have judged a very large group of people due to a few misbehaving individuals, which is quite sad, as I do not go around saying Kenyans are parasites and thieves because I got car jacked along jogoo road 7 years ago. I instead, sell my country to all who want to visit, work hard and give Kenyans a good name here and try to live my life the best I can for my family, and if it means setting my home here and planning to live here for the rest of my life, so be it. When I have children, I do not want them to experience poverty as I did, God bless my mother, she did the best for my brother and I, she gave us all she could, and she would expect nothing less of me for my own children.

  80. Geoffrey says:

    I don’t spit entertaining English like you do. I must say not only was I humbled by the truth in your article, but also found it quite entertaining. Your writing is amazingly entertaining, informative, positively criticizing, eye opening and of course full of truth. I am now your new fun, if only I can pick up a few of your skills as well..:)!

    • Nimmu says:

      Sure, every other narrow-minded Kenyan would certainly fall for this. I live in Kenya, and am a Kenyan. One must have starting living positively, with an open-minded foresight especially after High School. Sorry for those who didn’t, and still don’t. Everything has pros and cons. Consider slavery: a good number of Africans have the idea that they were colonized and stolen from. That now they are independent. I totally disagree with this. I believe most Africans are suffering more than ever, with their ‘independence’ which is ‘in-dependence’. Why? Cause or so-called ‘leaders’ are ruining our economies more than the colonizers did. Point: Learn from your past. If one criticizes your way of doing things, think about it critically, re-think, n do the right thing. Don’t look at the source of criticism. Take it positively and improve you lifestyle. If anything we need to be applauding the Kenyan Diaspora Team for giving ‘us’ FREE consultancy services.

  81. Muthoni says:

    ‘So don’t judge us, not until you walk 140 characters in our tweets.’
    Now that, is what I call literary genius!! Brilliant!

  82. Nyanchwani says:

    This is literature. This is pure class. Art. Thematic, and apt. We all must share it with them…

  83. kenyan in diaspora says:

    am just saving my comment..be careful we are all individual here abroad.

  84. Wanja says:

    Biko- I don’t know which “disaporians” you hang out with and what that says about you but there are plenty others who will make you proud.

    Blanket statements have never and will never help anyone.

  85. Khadija says:

    Mr. Biko,
    You come across as exactly the very thing you are complaining about.
    You come across rude and patronizing and have generalized too much.
    I am one those that come home every 2yrs or so. I have an accent, I drink and eat in Tamasha and if service is shitty I complain whether in the USA or Nairobi.
    I am certain relas and friends from diaspora will want to hang out with you with a heart like that. Maybe we should not come home at all with hosts like you and some of your readers.

  86. Jim says:

    So good!!
    Biko, when you find me, I owe you a drink.
    Jim

  87. nana says:

    love this article

  88. Emma C. Cheppy says:

    Funny (and true) as some of the points may be… it makes me sad to hear all the complacent, defeatist tints. I mean, is it REALLY “OK” to just roll over and continue getting shafted by the politicos doing whatever they want whenever they want with the money that WE ALL put in to the economy?! Is it OK to just accept matatus and their death star ways as status quo? And so what if we want to know if it’s safe to go certain places? I get asked everyday about how safe my ‘hood in Harlem is…! To which I respond, I live in Nairobi, this aint sh*t! You mention back packers, when was the last time you saw one getting jacked? If Kanjo isn’t on their backs 24/7 trying to get a bribe then, some one else is. And let’s face it, most of them have no money anyways. At least never on them…

    As per complaining, I was in Diani last year when I was home over the summer, you think WE diasporans complain?!?!?!?!?!?! Please go to coast and hang out with Nairobians… OBJECTIVELY. Just listen! Nairobians are by FAR some of the brattiest of bratty city folk I’ve been around. Living where I live now, that’s saying a LOT! God help you if you hang around those with some money…. *rolls eyes* … Neddless to say, I left the pristine 5 star (which was no good for some of my Nairobian companions by the way) and moved to a lodge and kicked it with some backpacking britons…. I would HANDS DOWN hang with a broke traveller, than be around middle class Nairobians (who think they are upper class) that sit around complaining about everything and everyone and simply tweet their issues, because THAT’S gonna solve issues!! …right?

    Oh and on the “power of the retweet”… I attended a couple of Boniface Mwangi rallies that had a LOOOOTTTT of twitter action, by the way… Come the day of, I only saw about 2 of the middle/upper class people that had been verbose about it! … Where was everyone else? Comfy in front of their computer at Art Caffe tweeting their support, while having a cappuccino and a croissant, I presume.

    So yea, we DO do stuff when we come home. We send a boat load of money, AND we’re busy too! When we come home, we just WANT to be happy that things are good and changes ARE being made (even if we’re realistic with the fact that it will be slower, thanks to all the complacency I have observed)… but no, you guys just sit and complain about everything, including us Diasporans who – believe it or not – ARE happy to be home, genuinely so.

    … and while we’re at this, can someone please initiate a “personal space” academy?!?! I’m punching the next jerk who breaths down my neck at the checkout of the damn super market or hovers over me at the bank teller!

    • D.od says:

      #uppercrustfolk hahaha..

    • Jared says:

      Your hood in harlem hahaha

    • Christina 'Nimu' says:

      By the way ati that thing ‘retweet while eating a croissant and having a coffee at Art Caffe’ irritates me as well… people sit around complaining all the time in Kenya, so can guys stop pretending that when a diasporian complains, that its a new thing… Most people and kenyans included complain all the time, no matter what side of the fence they’re on. If I (a diasporian) complain about something you (non-diasporian) complain about as well, how can you turn around and condemn me?

    • Andrew says:

      Spot on Emma 🙂

  89. Nzel says:

    Sad that Bikozulu has also been bitten by the green eye bug that generalizes about Diasporans. The article or story is so inflated with stories that remainers or stay at homers sit and tell at the fireside when all esle fails. It is simplistic and a collection of rants by uunhappy remain at homes! Diasporans are different and do things the best way they know how. Being different is everyone’s prerogative and if they irk you when they come home then stop hanging around them for a whiff of the dollar and a chance to floss with your relative who lives majuu and shows the other that your family is sort of represented far and wide! Might I also add that Diasporans are also weary of remainers who tag along and ask for money and other things from you as if you carried the Federal Reserve Bank with you when you came home on holiday. Don’t get me started on the ones who come to visit you huku majuu and the things they want to bring back home when safari ya kurudi is emminent…Some see waste even in the supermarket jualas and plastic milk cans that you throw away! Ball is clearly played on both parts of the field and while we have our shortcomings, the remainers have even bigger ones! And Bikozulu…A hoodie is not standard wear for winter!

    • Oldie wa RCBowen a.k.a DHARUBA! says:

      he he he good one. The funny thing is that many of the “green eyed” monsters or remainers as you call them prolly had their visas denied at some point, hence the seething jealousy and desire to broad brush us all in a negative light. As he “pities” us for the Kenyan sun not patting our foreheads, we pity him too for the flies and dust he has to munch largely as a result of the poor sanitation and unkempt pavements that still need addressing.

    • Andrew says:

      *Clap*Clap*Clap*… I like this 🙂

    • Texan and loving it says:

      hahahahahahhahaha…..

      Jealousy indeed…. love it!!! hahaha

  90. Juma Bahati Ali says:

    Great read. One can fault the generalization, but not the writing… We look up to you. Get rid of the second “Secondly” though 🙂

  91. Ben Kairu says:

    Oh boy! Just the other day, another one had all the answers to our problems somewhere on a spreadsheet in some overpriced tablet. We were courteous enough to wait for him to leave before we engaged in a hearty laugh. Something happens to a Kenyan (African) when he goes abroad, maybe anthropologists and psychologists can give us answers.

  92. Mercy says:

    Gudu one!

  93. Bartender says:

    In defense of the Kenyans in the diaspora, there is something human in all of us, the illusion of memory. People tend to ‘modify’ their memories subconsciously to depict a rosier, more palatable picture of the past. Hence the reason older people keep thinking they were wiser when they were younger, and better mannered and listened to deeper music, dressed better, etc…

  94. Sonara says:

    This one erupted like a volcano and am sure many slope dwellers are burning. Well I miss home but I hope my visit one day would not be that bad. At least I have nothing to say about politics just plainly missing my mtaa. That writing is commendable.

  95. Tasha says:

    Love, love this article. And I even live abroad. But this is really, spot on and really, you’re just not hating. I lived in the USA and lived in Kenya for 2 years after that..before I moved to Sweden. In my two years there, I did notice this behavior and was so embarrassed by it. One of my pals from the USA used to walk around with her IPAD and wed go to a small hair saloon and she,d ask if the bathrooms were ok to use…. in front of the ladies working there……and say you Kenyans, and make sure everyone knew she had lived in the USA and and and….I do not have an american accent…I hate watching anyone try to speak with one. Like that Tujuane presenter chic..or Robert Nagila….acquiring an american accent is deadly hard ….you almost need a speech coach to get one. Its not that serious people. But again if these people are so annoying why does the media give them jobs on TV. I don’t get that. It sends a message that ou can only be important if you have an accent….It just makes people sound and seem plain stupid. Anyway…I’m ranting…but I loved your piece…very well researched, well written. Will be a huge fan from today…lol

  96. Maish says:

    Went abroad a yr after high school. lived a decent life until my dad decided to quit his well paying job to be a pastor. rice and tomatoe soup everyday for a whole yr. had run away quick. Never been back. been a decade now. it just saddens me the level of poverty that exists. I’m tired of sending my hard earned $. For Christ sake they know my pay day. I put myself thru school was tough. most people I still talk to in Kenya be like maisha ni magumu. No motivation for me to visit.

  97. Collins says:

    I am Ghanaian but I can relate to all that you have mentioned. It’s not any different here in Ghana. It is well with us.

  98. Ndemo says:

    Interesting, the article nailed it. However, a new setting needs an adaptation to. It happened when my big Bro went to college in Nai and came back with an accent, forgotten the mother tongue. And yeah, coming from Mombasa drama festivals a while ago my classmates diagnosed the Pwani ‘flu’ in my voice. Call it contagious. For some it doesn’t matter, they are equally mean when abroad. Speak to them in Swahili, you get that alien look and an answer in English.

  99. Chiex says:

    A good one

  100. Mudachi says:

    The extreme nature of the comments are way more amusing than the post itself!! It is never that serious. Well written a guy

  101. Nzel says:

    Granted he writes relatively well but this by far is not one of the good ones I have read by Biko…and not just because of the content but also from the purview of flow of thought and general articulation of the not-so-novel sentiments. It adds nothing new to the already badly and mercilessly flogged topic of bash-the-diasporans-any-chance-you-get library. Sad little article.

  102. Bren says:

    preach!!! took the words straight out of my mouth….

  103. Ian in USA says:

    This article is entertaining but narrow minded just like many other articles that are better suited for a comedy club.
    It is insulting to a lot o hard working Kenyans in the diaspora.
    And what if they work in McDonalds? At the end of the day thy earn their living.
    And, oh, I have heard of a native American called Obama, so Nyoike could just as well be an American or a Londoner.
    Nice article, Biko, you have sparked a conersation and if that was your end objective, then much kudos to you. If you intended to potray some sort of realistic article that could stand the test of truth then you failed.
    Nonetheless, kudos for starting a conversation.

    • Anne says:

      Very true! My kids who were born in America and thus Americans by virtue of birth have kiuk middle names so surprise there might be Americans called Nyoike or Nyokabi or whatever!

      I couldn’t agree more, so what if someone works at a Mac D? Last time I checked they didn’t ask you to foot their bills!

  104. Mwikali says:

    YAWN!! Otherwise…

  105. Anne says:

    You don’t know for a fact that I’m not making more money than I used to! Maybe I stopped sending money to Kenya because my parents and siblings don’t need it anymore!

    Things change, before I left Kenya, there were street boys everywhere in CBD but the last time I was in Kenya(2010), I didn’t see any so if I ask whether an area is safe, it’s because the last time I was there it wasn’t safe.

    Where do you come off generalizing all of us? Btw, there is poverty in the US as well, yep there are homeless people and people who can’t even afford one meal a day. So how exactly do we forget about poverty?

    So I guess it’s ok for Kenyans living in Kenya to discuss politics but it’s not ok for me to join the discussion because I don’t live in Kenya?
    Newsflash, not every Kenyan is an Obama fan so not all of us have read his books or take every word that comes out of his mouth to be the gospel truth! If discussing Kenyan politics is off the table for me because I don’t live there is wrong so why should I refer to Kenya as home?

    I pay my taxes in the diaspora, I’ve lived in the diaspora for years so every single cent that I own is in the diaspora …true I grew up in Umoja but diaspora is my home. Deal with it!

    Try walking a mile in our shoes before you judge us 🙂 My cousins have been in the UK for eons and went back to Kenya in 2010 for a burial but people said that they were proud simply because they couldn’t remember Kikuyu…again try not talking kiuk or swa for years and lets see how you will do!

  106. Wagathoni says:

    its very true that this article represents some people in the diaspora but for a well such a well written article its always good to have some numbers and more so statisticlal population sample to atleast give the various readers a balanced view of the sampled population. i know a few who feel and behave exactly the way the article say but i equally know more who wish they could get a chance to got back home and make a good living nyumbani, coz east west nyumbani ni nyumbani and is the best place to be. the diaspora is face by many challanges and ontop of the list is legal documents to work/study and travel back home.

  107. cedric says:

    fantastic piece biko. absolutely fantastic.

  108. Esther says:

    Ok..guyz should just relax. Anyone reading this article should see that it is with a light touch. We all know people who behave like this and we also know people who don’t. Same way some people who were left behind ask for money and others don’t. Come on..how did you miss all the sacarsm and the parts where Biko ‘insulted’ those of us who stayed back home and go to KFC? I would like to believe that people can read this and discuss it without getting all touchy. Laugh a little ok?

    • Wanjjiku says:

      Totally agree Esther, Biko made fun of both the Kenyans in Diaspora and the Kenyans at home e.g. holding demonstrations on twitter. Relax people, have a laugh, its never that serious!

  109. Stuart Seenama says:

    Biko is a fantastic writer, I love his articles.
    But this well written this article lacks of perspective making it banal. It makes the writer sound not much different from the same people he is criticizing.

  110. britts says:

    Do these pple know how long does it take some of us to get a career esp. those living in countries where they have to learn a foreign language. Its difficult for pple living kenya to understand the endless list someone has to accomplish before lending a hand to others.

  111. Benzer says:

    Great read, Biko.
    Good to see you back.

  112. Fiona Santana says:

    Look, we are just happy you are home, we don’t care much that you can splash money because we know it wasn’t handed to you easy back there. – yeah right,
    Uwongo uwongo
    I totally disagree with the above Statement

  113. Back bencher says:

    Utapigwa mawe Biko!!! hehe
    but like someone here said you can fault the generalization but never the writing, brilliant n entertaining

  114. ryn says:

    …..As others complain how diasporas are snobs while in abroad, others get irritated when ‘bear hugged’ by the same, As those in diaspora find themselves being ‘probably the only black guy for thousands of miles’, others cant stand people from certain tribes, As those in diaspora take a few years to come home, some Kenyans go upcountry only on Christmas,…
    So Biko its sad how you have generalized everyone in diaspora. I love your articles but this one has grieved my heart.

  115. MARY says:

    Well said, too funny.

  116. Julius says:

    Ha Ha Ha…this not only happens in Kenya. You could substitute Jamaica where I am from and the article would still be relevant!!

  117. Kiere says:

    I live in Kenya bt am always vigilant, u never know when they will strike… Even at Kenyatta ave. so dnt blame Kenyans abroad u fool

  118. Mkenya Mzito says:

    This is ‘high end’ literature. it is satire, commentary and all. Readers, please don’ take it personal, but take note of it. Am proud of this talent, ability to describe, to pun and all. keep it up Biko. I have been in diaspora for 6 months, all the Kenyans I met were reflective, people of substance. And even those that often visit Kenya and we ran around having fun together don’t come across as simple as the ones you describe here. But I have only dealt with a small sample size. I could not doubt your observations. It is those who go abroad and while there develop a deep seated identity crisis that end up this way. It takes a lot to look down on uaself, or your people. Ignorant people tend to disappoint, nothing ever really adjusts them properly. Nothing.

  119. miminawewe says:

    Ilike

  120. Diasporan says:

    http://mkawasi.blogspot.com/

    A Letter from a Kenyan Abroad

    A response to Bikozulu’s “A Letter to Kenyans Abroad” http://bikozulu.co.ke/a-letter-to-kenyans-abroad/

    For a long time I’ve fought the itch to respond to blogs, tweets, status updates and newspaper articles from Kenyans at home that bash Kenyans abroad for their accents and attitudes. I had decided it’s too trivial. Until today when “A Letter to Kenyans Abroad” arrived on my wall, twice, then twice again, demanding to be read. And I did. Time to scratch that itch.

    Bikozulu starts off well, then degenerates into a rant of castigating Kenyans in the diaspora for being o-so-obnoxious. Some Kenyans at home have taken to carrying around a big stick canning their diaspora brothers and sisters at every turn for defiling a certain doctrine of Kenyanness. Thanks largely to Bikozulu’s letter, I have summed up their ten commandments for Kenyans abroad.

    1. You’re not allowed to have an American or British accent.
    2. Don’t criticize your country’s dirty politics. That’s the way it is.
    3. Stop pointing out the crippling poverty in your motherland. That’s the way it is.
    4. It’s sacrilegious for you to speak of a foreign country as “home.” It turns your ancestors in their graves.
    5. Stop asking for quality time with us when you visit; we’re busy and we’ve moved on from you.
    6. If you want to make a difference, come to Kenya. Stop that diaspora rights nonsense.
    7. You’re not allowed to use the phrase “when I was in…” or “back in…” with reference to a location in Europe or North America during conversation with a Kenyan at home.
    8. We are allowed to insult you for flipping burgers and scrubbing toilets abroad because… remind us, didn’t you go to get a PhD?
    9. You’re not allowed to criticize a Kenyan at home for poor work ethic. That’s the way it is here, respect us.
    10. No matter how long you’ve lived in Europe or the US, maintain an authentic Kenyan accent. (A variation of 1st commandment.)

    So let me start with the 1st, 7th and 10th commandments, by far the most irksome to Kenyans at home. A year or so ago, there was a news item about a certain white lady who had lived in Lamu for only a year and mastered Kiswahili perfectly, complete with the Lamu indigenous accent. What was interesting is how so many Kenyans in Kenya, including the journalists, were awed by her effort and achievement, holding her up as an example for other Kenyans whose Kiswahili is questionable. But a Kenyan abroad speaking excellent English with a decent command of the British or American accent is considered arrogant, false and somehow a rejecter of his/her African heritage.

    The stuff of inferiority complexes by colonized minds still amazes me. It is what I see every time I see reactions to Kenyans abroad speaking with some degree of a western accent. Yes, some consciously work at it, either because in their workplace they bear an obligation to be understood (I’m a teacher, language is my tool, and to be understood is my responsibility), or because it simply makes life easier to do what the Romans do while in Rome. Some acquire accents overtime, subconsciously, in varied degrees. That does not mean they lose your identity. It is true that Kenyans abroad acquire a deeper pride in their ethnic and Kenyan identity, some speaking Kiswahili for the first time, and those who were born here learning their mother tongue with pride while Nairobi kids could care less.

    Now, some claim, with a chest-thumping, that they don’t have an altered accent after living abroad for decades. False. Even a Kikuyu with the heaviest Kikuyu accent somewhere in Boston will subconsciously slip in a “tomayto” here, a “callege” there, a “Canerricat” (Connecticut) too. There’s nothing to it. And if while in Kenya you slip into your diaspora-acquired accent, don’t ever apologize for it to puzzled Kenyans ready to write you off as a fake. You are the sum of your experiences. Because I’m fully aware of this attitude, before I visited Kenya after a long period of absence some years ago, I warned my family, “my accent is significantly tainted.” I’m also able to switch back and forth between accents, depending on who I’m talking to. I know a lot of diasporans have this dexterity. Did you study Darwin?

    And yes, Kenyans do pick up accents from other parts besides Europe and North America. I can point you to Kenyan friends who settled in India, Nigeria and Tanzania and came back with the various accents. But Kenyans at home just choose not to highlight it. Go figure. You don’t even have to look beyond Kenya. My Taita aunts, married and settled in different parts of Taita, now speak with accents from that part of Taita. But do we tell them they’re being arrogant? No. Only if they settled in America and spoke with an American accent, then they deserve our wrath.

    As for commandment 7, it belongs to the same category of inferiority complexes displayed by those who think it arrogant for a diaspora Kenyan to speak of foreign (read, Western) places in conversation. See, I’ve told so many stories starting with “when I was in Kakuma refugee camp…” and tell of what I learnt about bravery beyond human comprehension from the “lost boys” of Sudan, and never once did I receive a judgmental look. But the minute I start a story with “when I was in New York…” Kenyan noses are squinted upwards, eyes rolling back into insular heads as if I just farted nerve gas. C’mon Kenyans.

    Commandment 2, 3, 6 and 9. Reading Bikozulu’s repetitive tag, “that’s the way it is”, as in, you have no right to change our status quo, is really telling of the “outsider” attitude directed at diaspora Kenyans. Kenyans abroad criticizing Kenya is seen as insulting someone else’s mother. Get over it, Kenyans, we’re Kenyans too, and we too have a fierce responsibility to hold our politicians accountable and our fellow Kenyans responsible for conduct that builds a country. The corruption sucks, the poverty stinks, the matatu menace is barbaric, the roads suck (don’t brag to me about Thika Superhighway, a mere 50 km stretch that leaves another 8,900 km of principal highways in need of similar upgrading, and 63,000 km of interurban roads crying for attention; we made one step in the right direction, don’t act as if we’ve arrived).

    The insecurity on city streets we once walked is still unacceptable, even more now that we have experienced greater safety in foreign countries. We want the good socio-economic experience we’ve had abroad to be available in Kenya too; uncongested transportation, social services for the poor, clean neighborhoods…and for the well-off Kenyans to care enough about the lives of slum-dwellers in their backyards. Yes, we will tweet and blog and status-update from our diaspora perches until you hear this. Even as we have in our own diaspora midst shameful incidents of tribalism of the worst kind, our failings and foibles do not allow you to exclude us from the privilege of being part of Kenya’s journey, in critical speech and action.

    And while we’re on this topic of criticizing each other, there really ought to be a deodorant revolution in Kenya. Why is it that the minute you land in Kenya, the foul smell of human armpits hits you? You walk about the streets or ride a matatu and wish you had a gas mask. Or if an elevator full of people somewhere in the US is reeking of stale sweat, I’ll bet you all my diaspora remittances the culprit is definitely the newcomer diaspora African at the corner. Our collective reputation is fouled up. Yup, I said it, yes I did. My African peeps, man. Style up. Please don’t tell me about poverty and choosing between soap and food. Dignity is important. Martin Luther King actually made such a call to his people, told them to stop stinking, that working hard for long hours with little pay does not mean neglecting personal hygiene, and to date, you won’t find any black person all funky, even in the heat of summer, the poorest of black folk in America smell good! Heck, Richard Pryor probably said it best, “Don’t just wash you’re ass hole, wash your whole ass.” Let’s take care of the total package of who we are, not just one aspect.

    On commandment 6: The world is now a kaleidoscope of each other’s influences, and claiming you don’t want “American” solutions is myopic while America itself seeks all kinds of ways to get stuff from Africa for its own growth, from culture to human and material resources (yup, they harvest human brain power through the green card “lottery” every year). The Romans built their civilization upon a borrowed Greek culture and a borrowed foreign faith that later became Christianity. So diaspora, go ahead with your exposed selves and influence change for the good of our country. And yes, Mr. Bikozulu, I can actually sit in Starbucks and effect change. It won’t come in one tweet, or one blog, or one electronic transmission of funds to Kenya from my cell phone. It will come from a concerted effort of using all the tools I have in the diaspora. In fact, diaspora has contributed to change and continues to do so.

    On commandment 8: Kenyans go through a lot in the diaspora, few have it easy all the way. Don’t gloat over those who go through flipping burgers and scrubbing toilets while working towards their school fees or just to pay rent. It’s these very same Kenyans that send money home, haba na haba. Some have made a business out of it, no kidding. You can find Kenyans running cleaning businesses that have done so well they’ve bought homes. I speak of people I know personally. A Kenyan banker I spoke to recently left his “big” job for a taxi-driving business. Labor which Kenyans at home consider menial can be turned to gold. It’s attitude that counts. It’s time Kenyans at home kicked the habit of equating success with white collar jobs. And yes, some succeed, some don’t. Such is life. A little encouragement would go a long way.

    Finally, a touchy one for me, is commandment 4. About calling a foreign country home. I’m a transnational citizen. Kenya is my home, my birth country, the land of my family, extended family and ancestors. I also have a home in the US (not a house, a home). I very easily and naturally, without skipping a beat, speak of “going back home” when I’m in Kenya, referring to the US. I have no apologies for that; I and millions of other human beings for whom the concept of home is not limited to your ancestry, the origin of your name, the sound of your accent, or a certain cultural definition of “home” that is held sacrosanct by your people. We know that in Kenyan cultures, even the cities are not your home, only your ancestral land qualifies for the title. I understand where Bikozulu’s emotional but unelightened chastising is coming from. Brother, some of us long released ourselves from the shackles of that cultural straitjacket that does not allow you to belong anywhere outside of your ancestral home or country of birth.

    Kenya is still the abode of my constant agitation. I will care about what goes on there till the day I die. My spirit will continue to roam around the hills of Taita all the waking days of my life. Yet none of this stops me from staying active in my neighborhood committee in Baltimore. This is home. I seeking solutions to crime, overgrown sidewalks and career opportunities with as much passion as I do for Kenya. This is home. I cared about the Trayvon Martin case, the Ravens winning Super Bowl, and wonder loudly if Mayor Rawlings-Blake really cares for inner city Baltimore. This is home. I take the train to Washington DC to teach, attend countless meetings and socialize. This is home. America has nurtured me, annoyed me, loved me, grown me. In most likelihood, I will be buried here. This is home. Don’t tell me not to call it home just because Kenya is home too. And should my family move to Italy or Rwanda or China, I refuse to live a suspended existence of non-belonging because I’m not “home”. I will plant and harvest the crop of my dreams there too and make a home in that country. That, my friend, is quintessential diaspora experience. I treasure it.

    Posted by Mkawasi Mcharo Hall

    • Stacy .M. says:

      Nobody hates people in the diaspora and not all of them are as described but he is speaking from his own experience, blanketing or no blanketing, no reason for you to get your panties in a bunch,if you aren’t that way..great, but if you are then too bad.
      I understand that people get accents to adopt,no problem with that but as it is said when you go to rome,do as the romans do, we have no problem with you speaking with an accent,just don’t start bombarding relatives from shags with these accents and claiming how you do not remember any swahili (again,not directed towards anyone in particular.)

      What everyone needs to do is calm down..the lady who wrote this article finds Kenyans smelly,that is fine,it is her opinion and i am not affected because i know i do not smell.

      About the complaining..yes we know our matatus are stupid and they make us mad,yes we have mad traffic and yes town is unsafe but we know this,we so not need you reminding us about this each damn time without providing any solutions. You cannot run your house from a friend’s house,bring your ideas here..do something like some of us instead of saying how bad your homeland is..actions people,actions!

      We love our people in the diaspora,they work hard to make money so ata sisi tuwache tabia za kuomba omba pesa kila saa,the struggle is real everywhere, just because mtu ametoka abroad doesn’t mean they have money.

    • Priscah says:

      well said,kudos

    • Gorgeous says:

      This I do not refute…even I am angered by a lot of things we are apathetic to. However, Biko is against the phony attitude SOME Kenyans in diaspora develop. I am all for development and civilization which we badly need in Kenya. I however can also see through phony belittling attitudes developed by SOME Kenyans abroad. So while I agree with every thing u say, I know Biko too has a point.

    • Texan and loving it says:

      LOVE IT!!! well put……

      Your reply was a hoot

    • Thunderthighs says:

      Good GOD, so much hurt feelings over a satirical article.
      Jeez.
      1. Not all diasporans have the attitude Mr. Biko has talked about, but the truth is, SOME do. And I see some people getting all riled up because he’s bothered to point it out. Chill.
      2. Not all Kenyans are sitting on their smelly asses in the rat and fly infested homes waiting for the savior that is money from the Diaspora. Again, SOME do, but not all of us. Some of us actually get up, kick ass and earn our livelihoods so you people generalizing things about us like that yet attacking Biko for pointing out pretty much the same thing…uuumm, hypocrisy much? Hello pot!
      Not all the things said here apply to all of us. No need to get your panties in a bunch because of that. Again, CHILL. Sheesh.
      Touchy much??
      We need to take things with a lighter touch.

  121. scouts desk says:

    easy good people easy.get the humour and move..mafeelings mingi ya nini….

  122. Peres says:

    Love it. Came home after 15 years abroad and everyone was wondering why I still had a Kenyan accent and why I still spoke fluent jang’o. It was a deliberate choice. I will die before I loose my accent. Mimi Mkenya thru and thru…down to the kwon and apoth!

    • Moss says:

      @peres. Kudos. My sis came in Dec 2012 after 15 years of being majuu. She didn’t have an accent, her swahili was like everyone else here, and when she went to visit her in-laws in shagz she spoke Kikuyu very well and was very respectable. I was very surprised. But she said it was a choice she made. To drop the American accent at JKIA and realize that if a crazy president was to be elected in the States who would want all immigrants deported, then she’d have to come back to Kenya with all its issues. As a result she had the BEST time here, people were making time for her in their busy schedules to show her around, on their dime.
      It’s all about attitude and the way you present yourself.

  123. Babu says:

    hehehe, my take…Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do at home or in Diaspora… Hell, get a Chinese accent if you so wish…Out of the box is unique, and I say that’s what makes us who we are… Good read though..

  124. Dont be so judgemental says:

    You know what irks me? I have lived in America for 20+ years and I can still speak my mother tongue fluently and even write in it! Yet my friends who have never left Kenya cant even have a decent conversation with their shosho. Oh wait funny thing is they also calculate money in dollars. Did I say they never left Kenya? And they wear more designer clothes than I do and know the latest song by Rihanna before I can even tell them about it. So you see Biko the same way you wrote this blog please do us a favor and address those right underneath your nose not the ones dropping 45Billion Shillings which you appreciate so much. And if your friends are all like your pal from TX asking about safety by Barclays bank then I guess I can understand why you would have such a mentality about everyone in diaspora. When it comes to politics damn if we damn if we dont. Politics are all based on opinions and everyone has them. Even the Queen has hers about Kenya. Good luck with changing that one! Otherwise your English and writing skills are Superb! I just wish you can use it to bring people together instead of dividing us we already have over 42 pieces of clothes that we would like to make one beautiful quilt! That says Kenya!

  125. Just commenting on some Errors ;( says:

    You are entitled to your opinions, but as a blogger, I’d say please be careful in the future before publishing your views to read through your article and rid it of grammatical errors, distortion of facts, ill use of words and contradictory statements to name a few. As a writer I can imagine you’d be loathe to constantly run afoul of this very embarrassing situation.
    A simple read-through, on your part (or a second set of eyes) I imagine would address this issue.

    I will highlight some examples:

    1. “I’m sorry, was your grumps buried in Brookhaven, Atlanta?”
    Grumps. What the hell is Grumps? My grumpy old self? Did I bury my grumpy old self in Brookhaven? Eh, I’m thinking you meant Gramps. There’s an “a” lodged between the ‘r’ and the ‘m’

    2. Racism – saying “you Kenyans” does not qualify as racism.
    Racism is: the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races. AND a “race” is each of the major divisions of humankind, having distinct physical characteristics.

    3. “Its illegal to burn music for local artists, so don’t ask us”
    What? Why would a diasporan be burning music FOR a local artist? Is that something that goes on in Kenya? Are local artists requesting diasporans to burn music for them? What kind of music is this they seek? And it seems that they use “you” – the non-diasporan Kenyan – as the middleman to acquire this music. So if I read this well I take it ‘you’ – the non-diasporan Kenyan – are requesting diasporans not to ask you whether they can burn music for the local artist? Did I get this right?

    4. “And FYI, the only people who accept dollars or rands are the forex bureaus” WRONG!!! So blatantly wrong and misguided.
    Some fact checking would be good here to educate yourself on institutions that accept foreign currency.
    Top of the list are Banks (which are not forex bureaus – a forex bureau is a business whose customers exchange one currency for another. A forex bureau may be located in a Bank).
    Some hotels and restaurants will also accept dollars – and what I’ve found is that the dollar note has to be 2003 and later.
    Of course very risky, expensive but still available is the black market. If you know how to locate it.

    5. “We have realised that the only way we can fight these politicians and their endless plunder and greed is through the mighty power of Retweet! So don’t judge us, not until you walk 140 characters in our tweets.”
    Then you say to the diasporans —
    “Your tweets will drown in the churning sea of social media melee, never to be seen by them. And their social media tools are managed by busybodies that only retweet comments that favour them”
    So how pray tell are YOU making a difference re-tweeting if by your own account politicians don’t react to tweets?? Eh? or is my English getting rusty? These seem like contradictory statements to me.

    6. And one last thing. You couldn’t have schooled in Durban, South Africa and picked an American accent. –
    Och, och, och! Those who’ve never left the country can be guilty of this trait too. There are those who have been schooled in Kenya and picked up a pseudo-British accent. Check out the TV or listen to the radio – listen to some of these reporters/ newscasters/ talk show hosts, radio jockeys …. boy there’s a plethora of weird Kenya/American/English/Dutch/Flemish/GodKnowsWhat accents going around. Let people talk how they want. That’s what choice is all about. So if someone feels good about changing the way they speak why should that keep you up at night? Let them be.

    7. You know what we secretly laugh at behind your backs, dear Diasporas? When you come visiting and you tell us smugly, “ You know, back at home…” Back at home? Excuse us. United States of America is not your home, son! –

    WRONG!!!

    Definition of HOME: the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household.
    — So unfortunately you are wrong here. If a person has relocated to another country and they live there permanently they have every right to call it “home.” There is no requirement that ones parents or grandparents are buried in said place known as “home.” There is also no requirement that your name be native to the land you call “home.”

    7. As for your last paragraph commenting on “how quickly diasporans forget” … well (as ‘sweet brown’ would say it) maybe it is that they choose not to remember.

  126. @Nyambura says:

    The shock was when diaspora were demanding IEBC to register them to vote!! All 200k of them spread around the world.. Really?

    • KenyanAbroad says:

      Yes really! The world is a village now if you have not heard and you do not lose your identity when you go from one side of village to another. Promise to be here in 2017.

    • @Nyambura says:

      If you want to vote come and register and then come back and vote.how many countries actually have the diaspora voting?

    • Oh come on!! says:

      Have you heard of the Internet? Many other countries are doing it, we can only ask as hope that at some point someone will consider the voice of the diaspora Kenyan, don’t make it sound like its a ludicrous demand!

    • Priscah says:

      We were demanding to vote because we are Kenyans as well. Girl you seem to have deep rooted problems with Kenyans abroad. Does it really matter what other countries do in regards to having their Diasporas vote? Coming back home costs money Miss, we have schedules to attend to. duh! We live in a digital era and if it can be done online then be my Guest.

  127. Nyayo says:

    The article is entertaining but the following part needs to be addressed:

    First off, please don’t whine about how nothing works in this country. Nobody wants to host a whiner. Thing is, traffic cops will control traffic at traffic lights that work. That’s just how it is. Service in eateries might not be as swift as it is in Toronto. That’s just how it is. Matatus are a law onto themselves. That’s just how it is. It’s illegal to burn music for local artists, so don’t ask us to. Oh, and Kalamashaka doesn’t sing no more.

    The squealing wheel gets oiled. You Kenyans better start squealing!

  128. Joe Wama says:

    An the guy writing the article is using the queens language, so African of you I guess. Such a hypocritical article. Some of us own homes and families in the diaspora, so yes it’s home to us. Just like some Kenyans own homes in the country as well as the city, and they call both home. We can also talk Kenyan politics as we please, because we send money and own large tracks of land and homes. I’ve been in the diaspora and hell yes I don’t have the same Kenyan accent I arrived with, of which nobody tends to understand. Walk a mile in our shoes and then you can feel free to talk this nonsense. As for safety, I love going out and walking home at 3am in the morning while on my iPhone without being paranoid that somebody will jump me. So yes I will ask about safety all day long. This guy sampled five of his friends and generalized it enough to write an article. You call yourself a writer/journalist? Well then you need more schooling and perspective. There is something called research when writing articles. This article just discredits you as a writer, doesn’t make me want to take any of your work seriously.

  129. Chipukidding says:

    Nice article..but you should learn to use SOME instead of generalising. Maisha ulaya ni ngumu,kama tu ya malaya home(Kenya) ;)..so when some of us go home,ofcourse we want to enjoy ourselves,plus we all know Kenyan fun is the real deal,so bare with us
    Lakini hio ya Loita street ni utiaji…
    And you guys complaining about accents,haha..try learning a new language,plus you have to use their accent for them to totally understand you..all in all,Home is best!!!

  130. majoe says:

    Jealousy

  131. NameDorine says:

    The article is very good to read and well we can not generalize that all Diaspora people behave as such. On the currency issue only a daft person will come with Dollars, Euros and say a Swiss Franc to a local, it not ignorance but plain showing off. On the foreign accent though i tend to defend them. For any Kenyan soul to get a job out there they have to learn a foreign language and accent is part of that learning and to some extent it comes out automatically after some years of speaking that language. Imagine a Kenyan speaking French, German or Italian in a Kikuyu accent. You may want to dive into the nearest river!You have to speak as the locals do if you have to get a realistic chance of getting round the city leave alone getting a decent job!

  132. jj evans says:

    Biko ,

    If you live in an American city, with no Ke nyans for say 12 years , and your co workers and friends are all American. Your spouse is American. Your kids are American. You have even got your American citizenship now.

    HOW DO YOU EXPECT THAT PERSONS ACCENT NOT TO CHANGE????????????

    You think that Kenya damu crap is so hot , that you can talk Kenyan accent everywhere and be proud. No my friend no. You have to change your accent. And after a decade or more, trust me, YOUR ACCENT WILL CHANGE. Not showing off , its a fact.
    If a west African from a French speaking nation leaves his country to go to FRANCE when he is in his early 20s and returns to visit at nearly 40, ARE YOU TELLING ME HIS OUTLOOK ON THINGS WILL STILL BE AFRICAN? WILL HIS ACCENT STILL BE WEST AFRICAN?

    Stop with diaspora jealousy bashing. We are used to a different lifestyle. There are two Kenyans. Kenyans in Kenya and Kenyans in the diaspora. One common heritage. That’s it. We are no longer the same people.

    People who go abroad for decades and come back like they never left are people who associate with wananchi in the USA. They attend Kenyan churches. Marry Kenyans, only socialize with Kenyans, talk Swahili between themselves at work ( VERY ANNOYING).

    • Jina says:

      You nailed it Sir jj ! I hope Biko hugs you like the other Mukimo guy he hugged in Ireland or wareva…

    • Njeri says:

      True JJEvans, I find it Ludicrous that some Kenyans who only hang out with other Kenyans whilst abroad expect everyone else to hang out with fellow wananchi and bash on wazungus! That is why their English nver evolves!

  133. Shem Ochuodho says:

    A good piece, Bwana Biko! But only if you promise to and until you write a counterpiece. What you prescribe is true of a significant section of Diaspora. There are those who deride home/Kenya and the homeland-based for one reason or other.

    In the same vein, there is a significant section of “homeland” Kenyans who for one reason or other despise, mis-understand or envy Diaspora. It is imperative a similar piece be penned about such people too.

    For Kenya to unleash its full potential, the spirit of Article 10 of the new Katiba (National Values & Identiity) must be embraced, especially “inclusivity, equity and tolerance”. We are all interconnected – and to some extent, inter-dependent – one way or other. Concerted public/civic education of some sort to bridge the gap is required on both sides of the divide – to better understand and appreciate each other.

    I consider articles like this and the resultant comments as important contibutions to that discourse. Therefore, Bw Biko, keep it up – and go further and give us a counter-piece! For every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction; for every matter there must be an equal and opposite anti-matter!

  134. Kiboko says:

    You are wrong to paint everyone in diaspora with same brush. We all have different experiences, should appreciate each other and never despise anyone. Does the bashing of diaspora make the lives of Kenyans in Kenya any better??? I think NOT! Lakini there is always 2 sides of a coin… Here is a reply to his letter – http://mkawasi.blogspot.com/

  135. OLE says:

    ‘Hate speech” not all kenyans abroad have that fake behavior.

  136. Odhiambo says:

    Its hilarious how folks are busy fact-checking this article and catching feelings. You are not reading some article about Weapons of Mass destruction from the pages of The New York Times, this is Biko doing what he does best – Write. I doubt he is loosing sleep about inconveniences such as facts getting in the way of a good story.

    So ask yourself this, Is this a good read, you bet your ass it is! Has the writer been extravagant in more ways than one, aha! Has the writer deliberately paint all Kenyans living abroad with too broad a brush? Yep. Was it malicious? Hell nope, Biko trades in shock humor. Can you sue him for not being factual? Nope, he’ll probably plead temporary insanity.

  137. stan says:

    I haven’t stayed away 4 long but I know what those diasporans say is truth. My dilemma is, if I speak my mind and people think in the lines of biko’s article, does it mean I should lie and tell them JKIA is not dimly lit as compared to other airports. And on American accents from SA, everyone is getting an American accent even people who have never left their rural village in Kenya, just watch those guys on tujuane calling themselves gs n hustlas, those Kenyan rappers like caligraph n muthoni drummer etc, dude, for real? It’s the English language and American English is the modern version, mine sucks but that’s just coz am a shade, if I could flex my tongue better I would be all over it coz it’s the language the powerful understand, “realigning urself with power”. Tell u what, every time I fail at something, I wish everyday that I had listened to the advice of people who knew better, truth is the diasporans know some things better, to ignore their runts means to ignore their words whic means to miss the message.

    • Ousman says:

      Stan, you nailed it! Everytime am back home from the Diaspora, after having passed through International Airports such as Schipol in Amsterdam i wonder if we should call our JKIA an International Airport. For real it doesnt qualify! Its dimly lit, no proper direction and gate signs like you can see clearly in Schipol or any airport in Europe. Does it mean we should not point this one out and continue to praise our so called’super highways’ and not tell them that the rest of the world built super highways long time ago?
      Truth is, the kenyans in Kenya want to hear that Kenya is best in everything but the reality is far from their delusions.

    • Sharon says:

      Ousman what Biko pointed out is that we already know these things you don’t need to point them out every other time

  138. LEAH WANGARI DUBS says:

    Allow me to reposnd to this letter in lay mans, language. I am in no way shape or form, born during this xemanese linguo and neither do I come from khosa tribe.. the xaxa xema quorraum. I want everyone to understand my letter from a Kenyan living in America, married to an American nad have Kids who are actually Americans. This is their home. Not Ngacura.. I proceed.
    I really did love this article. Truly there was a lot of truth about it, however they should not generalize it. Karoki I totally loved your last point… you totally nailed it. I rem in 2009 I went home (or should I say back there) for my yearly visist. Nothing changed for me. I still shop at the same places most times. I went to sunbeam or one of those show stalls to find some jeans. I found one guy who was still at the same stall as he was in 2001. The guy rem me nad was so happy to see me. He gave me a real tight hug, leaving the other buyers (females) looking at me like am some alien). Ooh well first thing out of his mouth was *insert Eastlands talk) “manze yaaani Loeah yaaani mtu akienda majuu hunuka hivi? Jo! Unanuka tu kama oteto, auskii mi na vuka haki niunganaishie” we laughed and I left.
    There are those Kenyans who go back home from diaspora and act like buffoons. Trust me I have witnessed it first hand. They need to do more research on that kind of people. Most of them come from diaspora… read==== India, South Africa, Dubai, China, some South American countries… and have been there for like a year or two and go to act like they have been living in heaven and Kenya is hell. Troubleshoot.. those arenjust emotionally, insecure, disturbed persons. I am yet to meet one who has been in real ‘diaspora’ for more than 10 years and acted like they were not happy to be home.
    Why cnt one person from the diaspora write a letter to the Kenyans in Kenya and tell them how they act when we visit. First, half of them in Nairobi have mysteriousely acquired a foreign accent. They have this tweng going on and you are left wondering… mara her swirrry, so nice of yah hellooo? They watch too much reality tv and think that is everyday talk here. Secondly, their dressing, they need to lay off too much MTV… dressing like Beyonce during the day is just whack!! Dnt they know that celebrities wear what they do because those are costumes for stage performance? Some are advertising shyt? But no ooh hell not Kenyans.. go to Westlands and tell me how many rihanna wanabees you see. The Mohawk and one Michael Jackson glove. Funny we make fun of 9jas and the Kenyans are heading that way, wear Gucci (from river road) stunners at night to hook up chilles…. Oooh lets not start about how busy they are. Majority are hiding. When we come to visit, we do not expect them to stop all they are doing to worship us,,,, no… we call them and tell them where we will be and they can come and see us, only because we are there for a short moment and cannot spend two or three weeks visiting a thousand and one places. It is not boasting, we are actually doing you a favor to meet you and will not ask you to pay for anything.
    Many are jealous, they are gloating and busy commenting bashing us diasporas but h=behind their backs (fellow Kenyans) are the ones secretly inboxing us, “si uniandikie letter of invitation, ukona friends single..and shamelessly adding you to wedding and funeral committees of people you have not met.. the list goes on, they better not get me started.. its that time of the month I can yap all day and night bashing Kenyans in Kenya. I am a proud Kenyan and I love my country. My kids are American and this is their home. I have two homes and whoever has a problem with it, write it down on a piece of paper, gently fold it and shove it up your ….you know where.

  139. patricia says:

    Bikozulu. I so read through every bit of your article, It’s so sad bit yet so true. I live in New Jersey I have visited my country Kenya whenever I can and love it so much. One I have the freedom to laugh on the street and nobody gets scared of my color and laughter. I can shelter on anybody’s house if it rains and I can get a cup of strong tea. I can go on and on about how great is kenya. The accent I have to learn to talk American because. .I have to imitate them so that they can understand me..everytime I speak to an American they ask me? You have an accent, where are you from? But when am home I love to speak ekegusii and swahili to those who don’t understand my kisii. Salary, most kenyans in diaspora live in diplorable conditions..most of kenyans can be ranked poor in America. Some of us shop from the cheapest of shops, where by it’s equal to daraja mbili or gekomba..but in malls. Our bills are larger than our income. Most live with rroommates in a one bedroom apartment..or basements in the worst of neighborhoods. I have encountered the likes here who don’t wanna speak kisii and yet they know it well..so I usually talk in my mother tongue and they reply in whatever. So anyways..those who say that Loita st is unsafe..hope they don’t leave in Jersey’s slums…

    • vic says:

      the cost of living in the big cities is high esp if your still on minimum wage, and some states like jersey have the highest taxes in the land,

    • Muziq Bafa says:

      Dude, i dont know where u live, but from your description, if i were you i’d be on the next boat or plane home..

  140. Rosey says:

    Where to start, first of all, people change accents because no one understands what you say unless you say it in a certain way, do you know how aggravating it is to keep repeating yourself and explaining what you’re trying to get across. Calling us stereotypes, yet you put yourself in the same category. If someone is working in McDonald’s, then well with it, better than no job. Let them put a roof over their heads the only way they can. You don’t see us criticizing janitors, and housekeepers or whoever. That’s your hard earned money. And you know what’s funny is that many of those working in McDonald’s are putting themselves through school to be pilots, nurses, doctors, engineers. You need that extra money for whatever. It is sad to go home and have people ask you for money when you’re a STUDENT! I mean really? That’s just shady. I remember working as a nurse assistant, those checks paid for my rent, internet, tv, furnished apartment, elecricity and i lived in a big ass apartment, and still sent money to my family whenever there was problems.I’ve been here for almost six years, went home last year, and forgot how life was back home. Everyone in my class knows im from Kenya, even with that American accent because when we introduce ourselves at every new class, you get to say where your from. i’ll tell all sorts of stories from my high school, wildlife, they love it.I love my country, don’t get me wrong but I got used to the privileges I had. It makes you appreciate things more. I don’t look down on anyone, if my friends wanted to hang out, I was down with it, but I also understood that people had lives going on. no hard feelings.

    Generalization is the worst kind of ignorance mister. I avoided matatus like you wouldn’t believe it. Many of my neighbors did the same. Hata kabla ni fly out, I always avoided them. I’d rather panda a double m, or KBS, nani anataka kuibiwa? Even though kwa basi it can still happen, it’s just not as bad as matatus and I’m saying this cause after kuishi easich na ongwaro, I’ve seen it all. You come out as a bitter person when you start generalizing things based on your experience. Takataka was my problem and you know what it was still a problem before I left, my friends and family used to make sure not to litter around me, cause why keep polluting the environment. I can’t change everyone but if those around me can see things from my point of view then something is accomplished. Yer heard???

  141. Tony says:

    BIko Biko Biko……well your artikle is interesting but ..some part of it its True…and the other Parts dont really apply.
    1. your Article is a STEREOTYPICAL attribute about Kenyans in the Diaspora!

    2. some arrogant kenyans back home..should try and Walk the Long Hardworking WALK OF LIFE we Diasporians Take and face everyday in USA,Europe or anywhere!.

    3. Sucessful KenyanDiasporans when they come back home- usually expect to live the same way of Life they are used to back in Europe or E.U. So a Local Nairobian would take this as MASTINGO ama being PROUD.

    4. Not all KE-Diasporans have ACCENTS.

  142. USLatte says:

    I’m not known to keep quiet over controversial issues especially those that result in constantly putting people who no longer live in Kenya down. I will try to address all the issues presented hopefully with humor and respect.

    1) Whining about how things don’t work- First off, most people that live abroad have this rosy colored image of what they perceive Kenya to be like because there are things that frustrate them about living abroad. When they come to Kenya you call it whining but in reality they are shocked to discover that Kenya is not the pearly gates that they have thought it to be for years and start to appreciate their lives in abroad. You call it whining, people living abroad call it reality check.

    2) Kenyans are busy-FYI most people living abroad are under the assumption that if they don’t spend time with their old friends and relatives, then they think that they are now better than everyone else but alas if they try to involve y’all then y’all are too busy. Most people living abroad are very independent and can come and go as they please without relying on old friends and families. Why not just decline to attend such activities. In addition, most people living abroad relate to the fact that when Kenyans visit their countries abroad, they take time to host their friends and relatives. Therefore, hosting goes both ways and they do it without writing blogposts about how high the expectations of these guest are including but not limited to the fact that they can’t even make their tea in the microwave because they expect their host to do it stove top for the 2+ months they will be staying over.

    3) Currency- People living abroad are under the perception that local vendors prefer to get paid/Tip in other currencies because the exchange rate is higher. In addition, other visitors coming to Kenya will often do the same thing. So why the annoyance when it is a non-tourist doing the same thing? Doesn’t the local vendor get the same benefit as well. Also, it is not that easy for someone to keep going to the bank to withdraw money or exchange currencies when they live in an economy where 95% of everything they do is done electronically.

    4) Your cousin was just a douche-bag but also there is nothing to be desired about the current Kenyan night scene. I can assume your cousin’s frustration was because the Kenyan night scene has decided that RAP HIP HOP is trashy and 95% of the music at a club is either pop and rock because Kenyans have been brainwashed to think that that is classy (refer to Mirfat from Tujuane). In short, clubbing in Kenya is very boring. It’s not for a lack of exposure or access to this music, y’all have just decided that y’all are “CLASSY” for hip hop yet everyone seems to be trying to imitate the likes of Drake and Kendrick Lamar (refer to the WHACK show called Str8 Up Live).

    5) Politics- Who cares we don’t even vote in Kenya but at least we have the options to apply for dual citizenship unlike the millions of Kenyans that are so invested in Obama and The White House and can’t even get a visitors visa to come and take a close-up of the white house.

    6) Poverty-Are you seriously trying to state that the gap between the upper class and working class has not widened? The shock doesn’t come from seeing people in Kibera, it comes from seeing how places like South B, South C now look like Dandora. Let’s not even talk about how these people living in South B, South C, or Langata are so proud and look down on other people living in “eastlands” and when we look at them, we are puzzled over what it is about. Those housing communities here would be condemned by the departments of public health. We have a lot of compassion over people that live in the slums and are constantly rooting for matatu drivers or shoe shiners to be successful like the likes of Jaguar.

    6) Back home – Home is your domicile. The definition of domicile is the country that a person treats as their permanent home, or lives in and has a substantial connection with. Great-grandma buried in XX does not quite rise to the level of “substantial connection.” Factors like schools, property, spouses, family, jobs, where you vote etc. etc. etc. count.

    I won’t even bother with the rest. My point is that there are always two sides and two perspectives. There are people living abroad believe it or not who are really really happy and thriving and have no significant ties to Kenya other than extended relatives with your type of attitude. There are people living in Kenya who are also thriving and really really happy and don’t need the attitude of the likes of your douche-bag cousin from NJ has. As long as the Kenyans in Kenya are happy with their lives in Kenya and the people living abroad are happy with their lives what is the beef about. FYI Kenyan tourists abroad are also not easy to deal with and they come with a lot of attitude and expectations. Why not seek to understand each other and just accept that both sides are different?

    • Texan and loving it says:

      USLatte!!!! hahahahahah…. that is SOO!! true….

      Awesome reply…… esp. last paragraph

      “FYI Kenyan tourists abroad are also not easy to deal with and they come with a lot of attitude and expectations”

  143. Kairitu says:

    Your writing Biko is truly in a class of it’s own. Love it! Keep us in stiches bro.

  144. Viking says:

    Geeeeez,this piece blew me out of the water.Been a Ghost reader…but this, and am not in the diaspora.

    PS.People need to take it easy.mhh…

  145. Grandson says:

    True some of the things ‘returnees’ say and do are outrageous and delusional but then there are good folks in diaspora: folks who are grounded! I have been out here in the States for a couple of months and among the first Kenyans I met is a dude who hosted us for a July 4th party. One of the richest Kenyans in the US from what I saw and heard but the dude is HUMILITY ITSELF! And couple of weeks ago I bump into this idiot in a club so full of himself: he is probably a janitor in a rehab but he possessed the arrogance to annoy every Kenyan in that club including HIMSELF! A friend who is a neighbor back home huko Zambezi where soil is red recounts to me a story of how this idiot went home for his grandma funeral and over slept on the funeral day! His explanation to family: HEY YA ALL CALM DOWN I STILL HAD MY PHONE ON WASHINGTON TIME! Now Biko I need you to call out the so called cool Nairobians who have fake accents too and are fond of words like dope and killing it and chilling out…They chill / hang out ( idle is most like it) in places with fancy names and know so many cool things that is just plain useless and nonsense AND THEY DON’T DO RIVERROAD! When you have PERSONALLY dealt with that ‘class’ those of us in diaspora will have no one to compete with being DOPE when we come on vacation!

  146. Gakaa in NYC says:

    Personally I will never swap my life in NYC for the Life in Kenya or any other Country. Not because I don’t love my home country but because I have found a place where I feel fully self expressed without the consistent pressure of having to conform to expectations from my immediate family or friends. It is this kind of freedom that inspires me to excel. I don’t expect the debate to end on how either People Living Abroad on those in Kenya ought to relate to Life however, I think we should focus more on acknowledging that Life will always be invariably different from both ends of the world. There is nothing wrong or right with it, it just is. Let everyone though enjoy the opportunity to call, act, behave and call home the place they find they can succeed the best regardless of maternal or paternal heritage. Personally, a fulfilling life full of varied experiences and diverse cultures is worth much more than conforming to a stifling heritage 🙂

  147. Mhenga says:

    Very interesting piece. Rather than bash any side of the divide, I believe it’s important to separate emotions from facts. The fact is most of what the writer has said holds a lot of water. Most – if not all of us know that. You’ve either witnessed it, or deep down know you do it. And might I add that this doesn’t only happen with the diaspora folks.

    I think the most important thing is for us all to look deep down in ourselves, just within our individual circumstances and choose to act appropriately, for it is indeed a choice that one can make. It is true that very many (not all) folks who live in the diaspora do have the articulated tendencies, which would naturally drive anyone up the wall, and it is plain silly.

    However, it is also equally true that some other folks always place crazy expectations (mostly financial) on folks who live and work overseas, whether during their visits back home or upon their return – again, plain silly behavior.

    We’re all entitled to our own opinions. For some, as mentioned in some comments herein, getting an accent is survival. Works for them. Others never needed it to succeed in life. One Kiraitu Murungi – a Havard Law School graduate can attest to this. Whether it is turning Burgers at McDonalds or being a top executive that pays your bills, then so be it. Always read the words ‘usidharau kazi yangu. Yako hainisaidii’ on everyone’s forehead.

    The bottom line is, looking down on where you came from; trying to be who you’re not – in the name of impressing people who don’t even care about your self imposed antics; feeling more important than you really are, while in the process seeing others as nothing, are just as silly as being like a leech (always saying ‘give me’), when dealing with someone who lives in the diaspora, just because you think they have finances dripping all over.

    Na kwa hayo machache, kumbuka kuwa mwacha kinyago hanyeli; huenda akawia papo.

  148. kmm says:

    To a point i do understand your point i am Kenyan and in defense of our people out there, the flip side of things is true. You live in a place long enough you are bound to pick an accent, give it a deeper thought even among ourselves as Kenyans it happens. two, Kenyans expect this from our ‘foreign’ brothers and sisters sometimes they are humoring you and while i understand you being busy to take them around, if they gave you a year’s head up they would come to visit why not take the time off for two days and spend it with them, the country is gorgeous but they mainly come to see you and finally the comment that is jazzing everyone here talking about going back home, really people that is funny? most of the people in the city of Nairobi, when they travel home talk of going back home when wanting to get back to Nairobi from the countryside me being one of them. it does not negate my ancestral home nor does it undermine my heritage, it just means i have set roots and i am at home in the city. so it is with those who are abroad, it just means they are at home there it is not a definition or them dissing you. oh and the African American comment, they are African who have become American through citizenship or whatever so how is the phrase wrong? isn’t that how the African Americans came about? like i said in the beginning the flip side counts for the same, you don’t like whiners, good neither do i, so don’t whine either.if this is your opinion then their whines are theirs, its a big world be accommodating just like everyone else accommodates each other hmm.

  149. Logomba says:

    Lol, Biko una uchungu kweli, truth be told. 1) YES Kenyans visiting from the diaspora are easily identifiable in town and are targeted! Not just by thieves but by makangas, street vendors, watchmen etc! Its the truth. 2) Ndio, machali kenya hunuka jasho, sio siri ask any chick in Nai or MSA when the bunnies are around in DEC. They can smell a diaspora guy from 3 streets away! 3) Home is where you heart is, not some shamba where your ancestors were buried! Yours is a colonial definition of home derived from the african reserve concept of wabeberu. Peace out , youknowwharrimsayin! lol.

  150. Pato says:

    A Letter from a Kenyan Abroad
    A response to Bikozulu’s “A Letter to Kenyans Abroad” http://bikozulu.co.ke/a-letter-to-kenyans-abroad/

    For a long time I’ve fought the itch to respond to blogs, tweets, status updates and newspaper articles from Kenyans at home that bash Kenyans abroad for their accents and attitudes. I had decided it’s too trivial. Until today when “A Letter to Kenyans Abroad” arrived on my wall, twice, then twice again, demanding to be read. And I did. Time to scratch that itch.

    Bikozulu starts off well, then degenerates into a rant of castigating Kenyans in the diaspora for being o-so-obnoxious. Some Kenyans at home have taken to carrying around a big stick canning their diaspora brothers and sisters at every turn for defiling a certain doctrine of Kenyanness. Thanks largely to Bikozulu’s letter, I have summed up their ten commandments for Kenyans abroad.

    You’re not allowed to have an American or British accent.
    Don’t criticize your country’s dirty politics. That’s the way it is.
    Stop pointing out the crippling poverty in your motherland. That’s the way it is.
    It’s sacrilegious for you to speak of a foreign country as “home.” It turns your ancestors in their graves.
    Stop asking for quality time with us when you visit; we’re busy and we’ve moved on from you.
    If you want to make a difference, come to Kenya. Stop that diaspora rights nonsense.
    You’re not allowed to use the phrase “when I was in…” or “back in…” with reference to a location in Europe or North America during conversation with a Kenyan at home.
    We are allowed to insult you for flipping burgers and scrubbing toilets abroad because… remind us, didn’t you go to get a PhD?
    You’re not allowed to criticize a Kenyan at home for poor work ethic. That’s the way it is here, respect us.
    No matter how long you’ve lived in Europe or the US, maintain an authentic Kenyan accent. (A variation of 1st commandment.)

    So let me start with the 1st, 7th and 10th commandments, by far the most irksome to Kenyans at home when broken. A year or so ago, there was a news item about a certain white lady who had lived in Lamu for only a year and mastered Kiswahili perfectly, complete with the Lamu indigenous accent. What was interesting is how so many Kenyans in Kenya, including the journalists, were awed by her effort and achievement, holding her up as an example for other Kenyans whose Kiswahili is questionable. But a Kenyan abroad speaking excellent English with a decent command of the British or American accent is considered arrogant, false and somehow a rejecter of his/her African heritage.

    The stuff of inferiority complexes by colonized minds still amazes me. It is what I see every time I see reactions to Kenyans abroad speaking with some degree of a western accent. Yes, some consciously work at it, either because in their workplace they bear an obligation to be understood (I’m a teacher, language is my tool, and to be understood is my responsibility), or because it simply makes life easier to do what the Romans do while in Rome. Some acquire accents overtime, subconsciously, in varied degrees. That does not mean they lose your identity. It is true that Kenyans abroad acquire a deeper pride in their ethnic and Kenyan identity, some speaking Kiswahili for the first time, and those who were born here learning their mother tongue with pride while Nairobi kids could care less.

    Now, some claim, with a chest-thumping, that they don’t have an altered accent after living abroad for decades. False. Even a Kikuyu with the heaviest Kikuyu accent somewhere in Boston will subconsciously slip in a “tomayto” here, a “callege” there, a “Canerricat” (Connecticut) too. There’s nothing to it. And if while in Kenya you slip into your diaspora-acquired accent, don’t ever apologize for it to puzzled Kenyans ready to write you off as a fake. You are the sum of your experiences. Because I’m fully aware of this attitude, before I visited Kenya after a long period of absence some years ago, I warned my family, “my accent is significantly tainted.” I’m also able to switch back and forth between accents, depending on who I’m talking to. I know a lot of diasporans have this dexterity. Did you study Darwin?

    And yes, Kenyans do pick up accents from other parts besides Europe and North America. I can point you to Kenyan friends who settled in India, Nigeria and Tanzania and came back with the various accents. But Kenyans at home just choose not to highlight it. Go figure. You don’t even have to look beyond Kenya. My Taita aunts, married and settled in different parts of Taita, now speak with accents from that part of Taita. But do we tell them they’re being arrogant? No. Only if they settled in America and spoke with an American accent, then they deserve our wrath.

    As for commandment 7, it belongs to the same category of inferiority complexes displayed by those who think it arrogant for a diaspora Kenyan to speak of foreign (read, Western) places in conversation. See, I’ve told so many stories starting with “when I was in Kakuma refugee camp…” and tell of what I learnt about bravery beyond human comprehension from the “lost boys” of Sudan, and never once did I receive a judgmental look. But the minute I start a story with “when I was in New York…” Kenyan noses are squinted upwards, eyes rolling back into insular heads as if I just farted nerve gas. C’mon Kenyans.

    Commandment 2, 3, 6 and 9. Reading Bikozulu’s repetitive tag, “that’s the way it is”, as in, you have no right to change our status quo, is really telling of the “outsider” attitude directed at diaspora Kenyans. Kenyans abroad criticizing Kenya is seen as insulting someone else’s mother. Get over it, Kenyans, we’re Kenyans too, and we too have a fierce responsibility to hold our politicians accountable and our fellow Kenyans responsible for conduct that builds a country. The corruption sucks, the poverty stinks, the matatu menace is barbaric, the roads suck (don’t brag to me about Thika Superhighway, a mere 50 km stretch that leaves another 8,900 km of principal highways in need of similar upgrading, and 63,000 km of interurban roads crying for attention; we made one step in the right direction, don’t act as if we’ve arrived).

    The insecurity on city streets we once walked is still unacceptable, even more now that we have experienced greater safety in foreign countries. We want the good socio-economic experience we’ve had abroad to be available in Kenya too; uncongested transportation, social services for the poor, clean neighborhoods…and for the well-off Kenyans to care enough about the lives of slum-dwellers in their backyards. Yes, we will tweet and blog and status-update from our diaspora perches until you hear this. Even as we have in our own diaspora midst shameful incidents of tribalism of the worst kind, our failings and foibles do not allow you to exclude us from the privilege of being part of Kenya’s journey, in critical speech and action.

    And while we’re on this topic of criticizing each other, there really ought to be a deodorant revolution in Kenya. Why is it that the minute you land in Kenya, the foul smell of human armpits hits you? You walk about the streets or ride a matatu and wish you had a gas mask. Or if an elevator full of people somewhere in the US is reeking of stale sweat, I’ll bet you all my diaspora remittances the culprit is definitely the newcomer diaspora African at the corner. Our collective reputation is fouled up. Yup, I said it, yes I did. My African peeps, man. Style up. Please don’t tell me about poverty and choosing between soap and food. Dignity is important. Martin Luther King actually made such a call to his people, told them to stop stinking, that working hard for long hours with little pay does not mean neglecting personal hygiene, and to date, you won’t find any black person all funky, even in the heat of summer, the poorest of black folk in America smell good! Heck, Richard Pryor probably said it best, “Don’t just wash you’re ass hole, wash your whole ass.” Let’s take care of the total package of who we are, not just one aspect.

    On commandment 6: The world is now a kaleidoscope of each other’s influences, and claiming you don’t want “American” solutions is myopic while America itself seeks all kinds of ways to get stuff from Africa for its own growth, from culture to human and material resources (yup, they harvest human brain power through the green card “lottery” every year). The Romans built their civilization upon a borrowed Greek culture and a borrowed foreign faith that later became Christianity. So diaspora, go ahead with your exposed selves and influence change for the good of our country. And yes, Mr. Bikozulu, I can actually sit in Starbucks and effect change. It won’t come in one tweet, or one blog, or one electronic transmission of funds to Kenya from my cell phone. It will come from a concerted effort of using all the tools I have in the diaspora. In fact, diaspora has contributed to change and continues to do so.

    On commandment 8: Kenyans go through a lot in the diaspora, few have it easy all the way. Don’t gloat over those who go through flipping burgers and scrubbing toilets while working towards their school fees or just to pay rent. It’s these very same Kenyans that send money home, haba na haba. Some have made a business out of it, no kidding. You can find Kenyans running cleaning businesses that have done so well they’ve bought homes. I speak of people I know personally. A Kenyan banker I spoke to recently left his “big” job for a taxi-driving business. Labor which Kenyans at home consider menial can be turned to gold. It’s attitude that counts. It’s time Kenyans at home kicked the habit of equating success with white collar jobs. And yes, some of succeed, some don’t. Such is life. A little encouragement would go a long way.

    Finally, a touchy one for me, is commandment 4. About calling a foreign country home. I’m a transnational citizen. Kenya is my home, my birth country, the land of my family, extended family and ancestors. I also have a home in the US (not a house, a home). I very easily and naturally, without skipping a beat, speak of “going back home” when I’m in Kenya, referring to the US. I have no apologies for that; I and millions of other human beings for whom the concept of home is not limited to your ancestry, the origin of your name, the sound of your accent, or a certain cultural definition of “home” that is held sacrosanct by your people. We know that in Kenyan cultures, even the cities are not your home, only your ancestral land qualifies for the title. I understand where Bikozulu’s emotional but unenlightened chastising is coming from. Brother, some of us long released ourselves from the shackles of that cultural straitjacket that does not allow you to belong anywhere outside of your ancestral home or country of birth.

    Kenya is still the abode of my constant agitation. I will care about what goes on there till the day I die. My spirit will continue to roam around the hills of Taita all the waking days of my life. Yet none of this stops me from staying active in my neighborhood committee in Baltimore. This is home. I seek solutions to crime, overgrown sidewalks and career opportunities with as much passion as I do for Kenya. This is home. I cared about the Trayvon Martin case, the Ravens winning Super Bowl, and wonder loudly if Mayor Rawlings-Blake really cares for inner city Baltimore. This is home. I take the train to Washington DC to teach, attend countless meetings and socialize. This is home. America has nurtured me, annoyed me, loved me, grown me. In most likelihood, I will be buried here. This is home. Don’t tell me not to call it home just because Kenya is home too. And should my family move to Italy or Rwanda or China, I refuse to live a suspended existence of non-belonging because I’m not “home”. I will plant and harvest the crop of my dreams there too and make a home in that country. That, my friend, is quintessential diaspora experience. I treasure it.

    • Manyala says:

      I agree with this in as far as Biko saying it as if all diasporans are spoilt is concerned. Lakini hii mambo ya kuangalia I-fricans like we are diseased nayo mtawacha. Ukienda kula lunch kwa hao ya neighbour mdosi, usianze kutukana/kushangaa mbuyu wako kwanini ako down. Hata vidole za mkono hazitoshani.

      Do you know it took America more than 300 years of ‘democracy’ for women to start voting in the 1920’s. You talk of transport that works, unajua hiyo transi imework for centuries lakini kama si Rosa Parks kuzusha as recently as the 50’s nyinyi ma-blacks mko States mngekua mnaichekia tu hewani?

      My point? What I-frica has done within half a century of indipendence Amerika couldnt dream of doing for more than four hundred years. Tuko nyuma najua lakini hiyo states imejengwa na whips kwa migongo za Wa-I-frika. Free labour. The west imejengwa from free resources. Walikuja I-frica wakachota gold kama maji, waka-farm on our lands for free tukiwachapia job on the same farms for free. Hii ndio story iliwapatia head start. Sisi tunajifanyia pole pole na challenges zetu na nguvu yetu ndio maana super highway yetu bado ni 50KM.

      ‘ We know where we are going. We know where we are from. We leaving babylon . . . going to our father’s land!’ ~ Nesta

  151. lloyd says:

    most of these kenyans are whining about kenyans in the diaspora how about u first stop with asking for money from us every time we log on to Facebook or call you or buy you drinks or this and that when we visit we are not BANNKS, and yes when u live in the diaspora your accent has to change, u cant talk your mother tongue so obviously you have to talk like people you met here to be understood, and about the security issue… its obvious that when u visit kenya from the diaspora u will be an easy prey for theft and thats why we have to as if we will be secure when we go to a certain street at a certain time and I’m sure as hell that most of the people on here commenting and talking shit about people in the diaspora have never even left kenya and don’t know how life is here all they do know is what they hear and see so u look like a damn fool talking about stuff u know nothing about, i am a proud kenyan living in the united states and i love it here i don’t care if somebody thinks as they say “KUJISKIA” because i have an accent or I’m concerned about my security when i visit. lastly most of you who are having negative comment about people in the diaspora you know you would love to visit e.g the US, or the UK but you probably cant because of circumstance so stop with the jelousy and work hard.

  152. Kingi says:

    I’ll keep advocating for ‘personal space ‘ and the elusive ‘deodorant use’… Before I listen to arrogant , uninformed writters

  153. Anniespice says:

    Whoa, what a lashing!
    Anyhow, I guess one skunk can stink the whole neighborhood.
    Loved reading this article, i wonder why guys are getting so personal.

    • Texan and loving it says:

      whats the meaning of personal to you?

      They are simply commenting on what was written…. Nothing about the replies is personal….

    • Anniespice says:

      Dear Texan,

      I happen to be a Kenyan in the diaspora and a writer.
      You know what… whatever Biko said is water off my back…. my two cents is that whatever he wrote was on a light note. so…. I choose to take off my serious glasses and laugh at the humour. Besides, its ‘high school’ as he calls it.

  154. booz says:

    before some kenyans talk shit about kenyans in the diaspora, how about they stop asking kenyans who ask money from us in the diaspora to stop everytime we communicate like wer banks

  155. SG says:

    I am a proud Kenyan living in the diaspora and I had to smile (and occasionally laugh out loud) at some of the points you raised, Mr. Bikozulu.

    Are we that bad? Really?

    We are not and I think our friend Mkawasi has the perfect response to you letter, Mr. Bikozulu.

    http://mkawasi.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/a-letter-from-kenyan-abroad.html

    Read it and maybe, understand that it is what it is. We are Kenyans for life regardless of the twengs we adopt, our political views (however condescending), and yes our nostalgia for a Kenya that we don’t recognize anymore. No one can take that way from us. So cut us some slack, will you?

  156. Ken Ndungu says:

    Surely, are these the issues that are going to lead us (Ooops, ma bad, please read: Patriotic Kenyans living in Kenya) to vision 2030?
    I would rather see you write more on the reasons why the Diaspora money remittance has dropped – Is it because, Kenyans living abroad are fed up with scammers and lazy people waiting for handouts, or is it because Kenyans living in Kenya are becoming more self sufficient?

  157. LetterFromTexas says:

    You busybodies,,,who are you to set rules on how one should speak,the form of transport he should use or the comments about politics he should make?Did we stop you from coming here?Mind your own business!We dont need your letters and comments to survive here!!

  158. kenneth rutto says:

    thats article is actually mind blowing coz it depicts the true state of affairs kudos to the one who wrote it am a kenyan and always proud of my country

  159. abdul says:

    Kenyan living in the state, man I loved your article…

  160. Larry says:

    This is a good article,but like many a well written article. It does an even more impressive job of hiding its flaws.While some of what the writer has said is true and very poignant. It goes without saying that there are a lot of generalizations in some of the assessments and the writer takes great liberties in talking about some things that undoubtedly has has no idea. The very fact that remittances home account for a significant amount of income for people as well as Kenya’s foreign exchange reserves should even in the least be a good indicator how important our roots are for those of us that do not live there day to day.
    Some of the things that are referred to here cut both ways,its not uncommon for friends to come visiting abroad with the expectations that we should be able to drop our jobs and attend to them every day and in every way.
    While it is true that people from the diaspora do not do a good job of representing everyone else,it is misguided if not downright wrong to think that surmises what all of us are about.
    Whenever i am home which i manage to do 4 or 5 times a year,i take a matatu, i stay at home and i certainly do not eat at sankara. I am certainly not proud of the fact that i have picked up an accent and i make every effort to speak in my mother tongue and swahili to prevent those “watu wa majuu” monikers.
    As a writer,i think this article should have been narrowed to the realm of your personal experiences and nothing else. You do not understand our political persuasions…some of us are equally disappointed in Barack Obama as we are in our local MP’s and councillors,for you to deem that you can speak for everyone is wrong and downright nonsensical if nothing else.
    I enjoyed the read,but a well written article fails when it is not well researched and the scope is so obviously broad that the very messages it intends to convey is mired in endless clouds of ludicrous assertions not supported by fact or otherwise.
    A bit more research next time will clear it up for ‘us’ in the diaspora and we certainly will learn better decorum of dealing with nchi yako since it seems wewe ni mwenye nchi.

  161. Diasporan says:

    I am not sure where all the hate for the Kenyans in the diaspora has come from. I feel that there is not much one can conclude about a place or an individual just from a few weeks or a couple of months visit. This judgmental disdain for the diaspora is misplaced. Why can’t we accept and learn from each other. The fact is, living in a different environment and being exposed to different cultures will change an individual. It could be for better or worse but this change is inevitable. Why can’t we accept each other and learn from each other coz in the grand scheme of things, no one is right and no one is wrong. As the saying goes, there is more than one way to kill a chicken. If we brainstorm, we could probably discover efficient methods of killing chicken rather than disparaging each other for being different. Diversity is a strength and not an weakness, maneno ya “you people” imetuharibu sana e.g tribalism and now diasporaism. I wonder, is there another group you can identify for a portion of Kenyans to hate?

  162. Bea says:

    Someone sounds like a hater

  163. shiru says:

    I have never been robbed in Nairobi but I moved to DC and got robbed 3 times at the same place, on my way to Safari DC. These punk kids would not quit! I can see the authors point but until you walk in our heels you should never judge…try and tell an American that you are looking for paaaaking instead of paRking. You will be there all day long! You pick up the acceng for survival and after a while you realize that it just makes sense…and calling you a Kenyan is NOT racist, negro please.

  164. Y-c says:

    Biko, I always enjoy your articles but you hit a new low by allowing a hint of jealousy to get the best of you and your writing. It is expected that anyone that resides anywhere other than “home” would develop what would be termed “different” for obvious reasons.
    Human beings can be insufferable; we all work, live and school with a few of them and they aren’t all Kenyans in Diaspora.
    If “that’s just how it is” is your response, I must say that that’s just how it is with Kenyans in Diaspora so you, too ought to learn to deal with it.

  165. shiru says:

    …. and oh, I forgot to say that i learned 60 percent of my Kyuk and perfected it here in DC, Nairobians cannot even come close to my kikuyu and swahili proficiency!

    • vic says:

      I know alot of people, whose mother tongue improved when they moved over here. Hence, attending ethnic churches/associations just to practice.

  166. Rublet says:

    It’s sad that Kenyans are looking down upon each other. Same script, different cast. People pity me cause I call Nairobi HOME. I mean, I’ve lived in Nai all my life (26years and counting) and I’ve visited shaggz for a total sum of 3 weeks. So why would i call I place i know not home as opposed to a place I was born and brought up in.
    I haven’t lived abroad but I know it’s not right for you Biko and your fellow commentators to bash on other Kenyans. And we wonder why tribalism will never end. Just a bunch of insecure people demeaning others so as to feed their inferiority complex. Man up people and let us unite!!!

    • Sue says:

      I agree with this wholeheartedly! This article may have been meant as some kind of joke from Biko. I cannot imagine that an article with such broad generalisations was meant as a serious piece. And after reading the comments one can see the division, one group bashing the other….

    • Nimmu says:

      @Rublet: Very true! Let every Kenyan be a ‘true Kenyan’. Style-up and look at things more positively – from a non-tribal and non-diaspora point of view. I do expect the so-called learned and/or élite (learned, prosperous…) to lead the rest into this attitude of being accommodative to one another. It’s the ONLY way that Kenya will grow, develop and prosper, and every Kenyan will be included in this process proportionately.

    • Debbie says:

      Wow I cannot believe you are 26. You have the wisdom of a zillion years! Big up city buoy

  167. mkenya daima says:

    clearly there is loss of peripheral vision..therefore seeing the broader picture is out of the question. unless you live in the diaspora, better not open your mouth to criticize..you will offend our sense of smell with your bad stench and odour coming from your oral opening.you have no idea what amount of sweat we emit just to send money to our people back in kenya.and yes,we have business ideas but our money sent back there to do business is misused because people think we have a steam plant here that will manufacture money whenever..even the government of kenya depends on funds from abroad to do most of its projects. ata usijaribu kuongea tena..you do not have an iota of idea of what you are talking about.

  168. Valybae says:

    Such ignorance, such bloody lies you are spreading I feel sorry for you, oh what a pity… Do you hear yourself rant? You seem to be very bitter. Kwani umekosewa sana ukaona utukane watu hawajakosa? and for all those people who think even for one second that everyone in the Diaspora is that shallow, you must be hanging out with the wrong crowd cause as far as I am concerned Kenyans here are very proud to be Kenyans. We embrace our culture, we are proud to say where we come from and we are proud to stand up tall, and yes when I come to Kenya I want to go to masai market, i want to do everything and guess what I do have friends and family who are willing to take time out because we have a greater bond than what you are trying to portray. If they were to come here I would take time out too and make sure they have an awesome time, or when you go out to other countries you hang out by yourself? I highly doubt it. So what if we come home and we have friends who are ready to embrace us, if you don’t feel like doing it then don’t do it no one is forcing you. You haven’t said anything that makes sense at all. So your cousin was scared of going to Loita Street, who gives a hoot? People change because of the society they live in, at least he still remembers there is a barclays at Loita street… OMG!!! You are sooooo ignorant, next time you write an article or a blog DO NOT GENERALISE cause we are not all like that. I love my country, I love it flaws and all…

    • Sharon says:

      So the only isuue you have with Biko is that he generalised right? if you don’t have those funny behaviors just enjoy the article and leave at that. Its the same way most people believe that those who marry foreign men do it for the money, the fact is some are geniunely in love, so in the same way some Kenyans come back with an attitude others don’t, this article was for those who do

    • Corrie says:

      Lol Valybae i think you missed the sarcasm in this article…remember satire, remember irony…literature class.. hint hint…there you go..that’s wassup! It’s never that serious don’t spew and catch feelings over works of literature especially in Biko’s blog. Umecatch sana, breathe in…out…

    • Max says:

      From the way you’ve commented, you ARE one of them.

    • Priscah says:

      Yeah even if she is one of them who gives a damn??And oh! If you guys could stop flashing the Hilarious, sarcasm card when We in the Diaspora decide to give Biko a piece of our mind.He was definitely serious about what he was writing,duh!!(please read this putting on a British accent coz it was written with one)LOL.

    • Sharon says:

      Priscah as I said if you don’t those irritating behaviors there is no need to get all worked up

    • Priscah says:

      Sharon what irritating behaviours are you talking about? Asking if a place is safe? don’t act like insecurity in the country is news to you. With the kidnaping issue I heard about recently, the Alshabab saga not forgetting about con men and women in Nairobi that’s on the increase and the old time robbery with violence, thanks to the joblessness that is looming. Nobody wanna get mugged. About the accent thing enough has been said, guess its clear by now ,Heck!_About spending money,damn its theirs, they worked hard for it.We as the Diaspora are not `catching feelings ‘as you guys put it, whatever that means. Anyways,This Biko Zulu guy needs more exposure.

  169. Manyala says:

    OK, for once Biko is sounding like a typical #KOT by hating for hating’s sake. & what does the article injustice is that it heaps all diasporans under this ‘bad behaviour’ type.

    Just to bring you back home, it has Kenyans who left their ocha for Nai and when they go back home they are already alienated from a life they have lived for like forever!

    When these ‘Nairobians’ go back to ocha unapata wanashangaa venye mtu anaweza kunywa maji ya kisima, venye hakuna pub ya maana, venye watu ni washamba etc Watasema ati busaa ni pombe chafu na hiyo ndio iliwalipia fees ya kuenda primo!

    Wadhii kama hawa hawakosi. But it doesn’t mean everyone in Nairobi is mean when they go back home. Some of us go back home for that busaa and for that shower by the riverside, stuff we cant do in Nai.

    So I agree, kuna njaro zingine za wana but you shoulda singled out wenye hizi njaro. The way it reads ni kama a projection of some poorly behaved relas/friends on all the diaspora.

  170. CityVillager says:

    Ha ha Jackson, You know you can’t pick up a quarrel with KIDs and win. No? Although you used a broad brush, just look at the comments on accent and note the illogical arguments therein – there’s no issue in doing what the Romans do when in Rome (after all, survival is a basic response, people learn it right from infancy), but the issue arises when one demands that, when not in Rome, the non-Romans must put up with one’s Rome strategy. I am not in the habit of quoting my ‘credentials’ to justify my comments, but to quote Oscar Wilde:
    “Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital [emphasis added]. When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.”

    I don’t see why those who do not behave ‘that way’ feel insulted; after all, you family and real friends know your true self.

  171. Mark says:

    A good read!
    to the very last detail, currently hosting two Kenyans who have barely spent 10yrs abroad but the torture…aaaaaargh! lucky I got a job and am ‘always’ busy to them!

    • Joe says:

      But you expect them to host you if you visit them!? Typical Kenyan you…

    • Tim says:

      Joe – Mark and myself are not intending to visit them?

    • Priscah says:

      Here we go again. If they piss you off why not tell them? But no am sure you not gonna do that because you depend on them financially on the period that they are staying with you. And oh yes, I refuse to believe otherwise.

  172. Kariuki says:

    Funny thing is this, Biko. There is aguy who’s responded to you, by the name Mkawasi – http://www.mwakilishi.com/comment/reply/45470. I agree with you on many fronts, and I agree with him on most. Biko, you’ve restated some of my positions, and also restated some of my prejudices. Mkawasi has cured me of those prejudices and reaffirmed some of my positions, very common with most of yours. I must thank you both. You are like great debaters in the Roman Senate, say, Marcus Tillius Cicero and who the hell was that other guy? (I need to go easy on Vodka, my memory is not what it used to be). Anyway, I must say, this is the most refreshing debate I have read in a very long time, but please see the rejoinder too. Gentlemen, take a bow.

  173. Jayson says:

    Nice pierce…..

    …..a few pointers though…

    The US, UK, Canada, Australia and everywhere else can be home for Kenyans. There’s nothing wrong with adapting another country as your homeland.

    Yes, one could have grown up in Umoja but by coming to the diapora, they’ve ‘upgraded”…nothing wrong with that. After all, that’s why they flew out, right…..:-)

    Other than that, great job.

  174. http://jimjamesnetwork.com/ says:

    I enjoyed reading this. Nice work.

  175. CHAMI KAKAI MOSES says:

    If you want kenyan to read your article,then you better as much as possible make it brief.

  176. spla says:

    Glad to see ujinga on a new level.
    Very unfortunate article.

  177. jay says:

    I learn something new everyday. .

  178. spla says:

    Ujinga ni ule ule!

  179. Jay says:

    Everyday I learn something new. .

  180. Really Though! says:

    This is the Greatest Troll Effort I have even seen aimed at Kenyans. Well done Bikozulu- You’ve managed to take trolling to a whole new level. And they all bought it.

  181. Anne says:

    I love how u put pen to paper. U av made my day. Good job.

  182. Wesangula says:

    ” When you come down don’t drag us to the champagne bar at Sankara and get mild dementia after one look at their menu.”
    Puahahahaha!! Oh The Insanity!!

  183. Shinsky says:

    So, a couple of months back, when a “friend” from back in the day began to ask me aboutt how safe Kenya is, and how good the housing is, and nini nini, I had this blank look on my face. He’s been in Norway and somewhere else for a number of years, and while he was here he was so ghetto!!! so suddenly he’s bourgee, and all I can say is I’m baffled. could I just shove this great article up his backside?!!!!!!

  184. maureen(@mohbandz) says:

    I totally get where you are coming from,I have had a few friends with such behaviors but some are still as nice as they left.LMAO to that loita street safety.one thing though,i never understand the people who miss their parent’s funerals..i just don’t get how you wouldn’t want to say goodbye to someone you love and send money instead…maybe i will understand someday

    http://thefunshionmistress.blogspot.com/

  185. Cici Namukhula says:

    Biko Zulu!!! You are entitled to your opinion about people living in the ‘diaspora’. Thank God it is yours and those that agree with you entirely. In my opinion….you need to make a new set of friends in the diaspora…..is all I have to say. Good luck bruh!!

  186. Vic says:

    Hehehehehe @T-pain….more like Tooshie-pain with those crazy demands…

  187. Wakili says:

    Stepping on toes and not taking any prisoners I see. So, does Tz count as ‘Diaspora’? I have tweaked my Swahili, got me a Bongo accent and all… Tee hee!

  188. Ruthie says:

    So true!

  189. GaiiFAFA says:

    Being a Kenyan living in diaspora, I find it funny that the author has many egging him on and concurring, yet when I’m in Kenya, I see many Kenyans doing all they can to “enda majuu” even if is it’s the barbaric Middle East. I believe some of this vitriol is rooted to the fact that some of us got a better quality of life the easy way and some didn’t.

    • Sharon says:

      You must agree though that some people who live in the diaspora, have irritating behaviors,

    • Sam Wanjere says:

      Issue here is the irritating behavior of some diaspora Kenyans. It will not apply to everyone, just like not all Kenyans aspire to go abroad. It’s a light read that should form part of our social education.

  190. Ndugire Maina says:

    And the conclusion sums it all up. If it’s broken it needs fixing. The machinery is grounding to a halt. Putting the whole of the diaspora in one basket is for small minds. Some Kenyans have not stepped out of the country but won’t walk to Dodoma road leave alone Mathare or Umoja even.

  191. Sharon says:

    Lovely piece Biko,

  192. mojo7o6 says:

    Hahaha never experienced this. But this is still some funny shit.

  193. Kaniax says:

    Benjaps, honey, I should buy u a cold one!

  194. Kisare says:

    Nice One.

  195. Mex says:

    Nice Read! we kenyans might have our own little problems,our politics might be gangsterish but you know what?its what makes us Kenyans. Don’t go abroad and have selective amnesia all of a sudden! Some of them are there illegally yet they have the audacity to whine! Come back home and put your $1.99 wisdom into action! Facebook and Twitter doesn’t earn you a spot in the political arena neither does it bring about the change you so much anticipate to see…ask P.K!

  196. Sharon says:

    The issue that most people are raising is that Biko generalised but they aren’t denying the fact that those behaviors exist. This was a light read people took it too seriously and too personally, just enjoy the read, if you live in the diaspora and you don’t have the above mentioned behaviors just chill, don’t bite Biko’s head off, the truth is some Kenyans in the diaspora portray those behaviors and truth be told its irritating.If someone says women are naturally caring and gentle, it doesn’t mean all women are like that there are some very mean women. So if you live in the diaspora and you don’t have those funny characteristics, just enjoy the article

  197. James Rakuom says:

    Biko you have done it again. It’s true, the mindset of the “diasporans” must change. Someone had to say it

    ====> “But can you imagine that since you left life also happened to us? Hard to believe, I know. We got and changed jobs. We dated and we got married. We got kids. Most of us grew up and that came with different priorities. Life is a moving wheel. I know it might seem like we have lots of time on our hands back here but we don’t.”

  198. Kimathi says:

    The worst enemy to Kenya and Africa is not famine, corruption, disease, ignorance, war or lack of infrastructure. Its brain drain. We have brilliant minds out there that could help make a difference at a time. But how many are willing to. Few if at all any is the answer.

    • NameSweetBrown says:

      You make a really good point and ask a really good question. But I have a second question that needs to also be asked …. “But how many are allowed to (make a difference)?”

  199. Shim says:

    What a nice piece. Humour and satire combined but the message is clear. Very true this is.

  200. El says:

    Biko you have so made my day…clearly this has lead to a lot of readers “catching feelings” hahaha…Truth is your post is on point..Ukweli isemwe!

  201. somakip says:

    I love this….

  202. Sandra says:

    I am officially your fan after reading this <3 <3

  203. Jenny says:

    You are good writer, thats a given, one thing I have noted about you is that you are ever so critical, I hope the criticism does not come from a place of wanting to humble people who you think are above you in any way.

  204. dee says:

    You’re back!!! lol, i know guy who are from bunduz and when they come to Kenya they pretend to be affluent… So funny..

  205. Manasseh Riek says:

    This long letter, I didn’t read it all , but from my inner feeling ,is a peaceful one ,, specially for diaspora Kenya ,and other nations including me from south sudan ,,live in Australia as a citizen ,,,,really our main home land , couldn’t be forget at all, for me as I like me mother land , I just travel a lot to south sudan , because I like my home land ,, and it’s the same to any person from different African or Asian countries .

  206. Mordy says:

    Biko was right! They are all whining despite the fact that he asked them noto to! All the comments from Kenyans in the diaspora are long-winded and defensive. If the advice is relevant to you, take it and change, if it is not, read it and laugh. Just spare us the whining. Well said, biko

    • KenyanAbroad says:

      It is not clear who you think Biko is but it seems like he is a disgruntled ne’er-do-well. Were you expecting Kenyans in the diaspora to agree with him or did you have a scripted template you wanted used?

  207. kipchumba says:

    you have looked far. It starts here in Kenya. sample Nairobians when they go back to the village. Even those of us who grew up in the village will arrive there with different mannerisms,pretending like we cant do or have forgotten the local dialect, cant go the river,we have to hire someone to fetch weter for us…and so much more. I think it is something inborn or just natural and people have to learn to hide it. otherwise it just shows.

  208. TNgash says:

    We have realised that the only way we can fight these politicians and their endless plunder and greed is through the mighty power of Retweet! So don’t judge us, not until you walk 140 characters in our tweets. ‘

    What clever word play in this paragraph!!!!! Are we ever going to see a book from you Biko?

    • Kinjeketile says:

      Clever wordplay? Um, NO!! I bet he pulled it off Google!! Especially since it negates his prior assertion to the effect that politicians will never read tweets from diasporians…what gives? Please negro, get real!! The boy’s mind is twisted!!

  209. Ndungu says:

    Interesting. However, you lost me the moment you decided to homogenize all Kenyans outside the boarders of Kenya (well, actually those in mid-high income countries: SA and not UG). Anyone who has actually traveled the world will simply laugh at your microscopic view of an entire subject on global migration. The simple fact is that once anyone gets into a plane and jets out of their so-called mother-country, many factors come into play in determining how they respond to the “world out there.” Most frankly, the fact that they are “Kenyan” is only a single variable in this. In other words, how do Ugandan’s behave when they visit Kampala from Nairobi? Or Mexicans visiting Guadarajara from DC? This article has so many fallacies of consistency that it is only worth reading for fun. In other words whatever you are saying doesn’t make any sense, if you think about it.

  210. Sera says:

    Nice Article.
    Waoh…. It seems like Biko rubbed some people the wrong way. hahahahaha …

    http://mkawasi.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-letter-from-kenyan-abroad.html

  211. O.G says:

    If we could all take this article as it is intended,to show the idiosyncrasies of the Kenyan abroad albeit tongue-in-cheek,appreciate the funny,acknowledge the not so funny…then the conversation here would not be an us-vs-them…we are all Kenyans…no matter where we are,none of us is perfect,neither are there those that can claim to be more Kenyan than others despite their current residence,your country of birth is a birthright…just as much as you cannot change your mother who gave birth to you…you celebrate her strength,and help her where she is weak… some of the Kenyans abroad also have not so good experiences with their friends and relatives and vice versa and i can attest to that…so little of the vitriol and more of the love…it is a given fact that there are Kenyans abroad who would love to come back permanently and there are those in Kenya as someone said who would take the first green card out of here…none is superior to the other…my take would be for a diasporan to do the same and bring to light their side of the story….because whats going on here is enemy combatants on a virtual battlefield notwithstanding that they fight under the same banner….KENYA…

  212. Rachel says:

    @Miki, get cob out of your ass. There is no generalization here, if you take time to read this post it does not say all. Lucky you fall in the category of the polished and whatnot…..8 in every 10 can relate to what our beloved Biko is saying.

  213. Achieng' says:

    Best read in a long time and every element in it is spot on.
    The satire is to die for….You are my Denzel Washington when it comes to writing. Kudos Biko!!!

  214. Marshall Minnesota says:

    True story.

  215. Tulia says:

    🙂 Just came back to check the comments 🙂

    Biko told his side of the story and others are telling theirs too. I like…

  216. Timothy says:

    @Valybae, breathe or take a chill pill. It’s never that serious. You clearly have never heard of satire and I don’t blame you. I would hate to share any space with you. Take some time before this winter to have a chat with Dr. Phil…

  217. Nabz says:

    “I’d rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I’m really not, just to fit in”. Poverty of philosophy by Immortal technique.
    some real set of facts Biko.Respect

  218. kerushkerubo says:

    Spot on Biko. You killed it! What a way to start my week. Meanwhile check out my blog. I welcome your comments and criticism.
    http://muffledvoicez.wordpress.com/

  219. Jak says:

    The tales of Have and Have Nots!!!
    Bikozulu Vs Mkawasi

    Who speaks for the indigenous Kenyans who don’t have acquaintances abroad and In Nairobi?….. Having read both articles reminds me of Kenyans Living in Nairobi & Kenyans Living in the Rural Areas

  220. Achieng' says:

    I Achieng, approve this post. Take that to the bank. 🙂

  221. Tech Man says:

    @Biko,

    MY GOODNESS WHAT DID YOU DO?? YOU HAVE REALLY PISSED OF OUR RABBITS OR ARE THEY BUNNIES……..All in all you might just have unearthed a new crop of writers going by the length of comments here.
    Hehehe this is by far the article with the most comments i have seen…

  222. Joey Omaita says:

    When I grow up, I want to write like Biko. And… Here comes, ladies and gentlemen… the next *clearing throat* the next B… Watch this space!

  223. wanjiru kimani says:

    LOL!! great article. i couldnt stop laughing as i had a mental imagination of each relative..!!
    very informative for all the people in diaspora and/or recently back, we didn’t stop living when you left, we r busy face-booking. hahaha!!
    #goodstuff

  224. Diaspora says:

    Okay what is the main issue if someone has an accent, because when you get to Kenya you get critised a lot.. its something some of us have grown up with and live with in this countries so I don’t get why people make such a big deal if someone has an accent, yes I do agree some people do take up a notch but not everyone mate.

  225. Kj says:

    He he he Keep your pants on and have a good laugh Diasporas, laugh at yourselves and learn. It’s supposed to be fun, not a fire breathing dragon. These facts here are so stingily true in a typical Biko Zulu satire and from the reaction, this seems like it is really crawling up your pants, the responses My God!! I can see the frustration of a horny Chihuahua trying to mount a German shepherd!! But its literature.. As he would have it, that is how it is!! It’s a meal for all of us, sukuma wiki, and from this side I must say Biko did a nice meal, the Diasporas find it bitter and unpalatable either way nobody is picking on anyone YAWA!!

  226. spla says:

    Someone return this guy to South Africa.. or Namibia where his zulu name comes from!

  227. mesh okall says:

    Bikozulu, my friend i think you have machungu with people in diaspora. now first and foremost, thanks to google, Mikhael Gorbachev did not issue that quote. Secondly, you seem to have a bent that is becoming prevalent with kenyans against their friends and families in the diaspora. Haven’t you noticed that Kenyas three past leaders and the current one lived in the diaspora for a while, as a matter of fact UK worked in burger king? check your facts.

    Secondly, accent…. do you realize you have an accent? whether be it nairobian or the journalistic(which i consider hilarious though). so dont throw mud at others you will end up loosing ground.

    thirdly, haven’t you heard of dual citizenship? so wambua of dallas, georgia( jooja is the way the accent calls it), is indeed an american and is considered so by the US government!

    KFC? i dont even eat there! i cook my own ugali, pizza hut?? have you wondered why kenyans still look skinny after living in the diaspora after all these years??? theres nothing like a home cooked meal.

    Now since you are considerate enough to talk about money, the diaspora is slowly owning kenya and we are taking it back from the neo-cons not Sankara(i hope you are talking about Thomas Sankara, coz if so then check your history….. he was the man who brought prosperity to burkina faso by introducing measures to keep foreigners out and making the common man better, and yes he wasnt rich).

    Well, i guess you are looking to make your name or cut a niche’ in the journalistic estate. if so, leave the diaspora alone. Find dirt to write about land, CBK, IEBC or other initialized group.

    • Edward says:

      Relax Mesh,

      The commentary was meant to be satirical and not what you turning it to be. And for the record u so off key on Sankara. Try google Sankara hotel

      You seem to have so much machungus

    • Mimi Mkenya says:

      hahahaha its Sankara Hotel my friend.

  228. Nema Kuhia says:

    A well written piece – literally genius I must say. Well done Biko… I will be following you after reading this. Your humour is a big plus… the issues you tackle are real – very real!

  229. MrsMwiti.Com says:

    “…wondering who else was being buried in his absence…” 🙂

    Great writing as always.

    And diasporians should take a chill pill.Acting so defensive and all.

    Relax! It’s never that serious.

  230. Josephine says:

    Spot on Biko! Love your work. Keep it up!

  231. Ma Nate says:

    You forgot their groupies….oh the groupies…..

  232. Sam Wanjere says:

    No need for feelings. There’s lots of truth in what’s been written. Everyone here has a personal example they know of any of the enumerated behaviors. Good read.

  233. Joonji says:

    But I just love your writing. Period.

  234. Dave says:

    Biko Lolest, thanks you made my day. I have always known they clean toilets for the whites there and when they come here they behave like white hose cleaners he he!

  235. Diasporan Kenyan says:

    Dear Well-traveled diaspora critic,

    Like many people, I really liked the first 3 paragraphs. You even admitted that the “Irish” fellow had better Swahili. Then you decided to “talk figures” – so far so good. After that I understood why you called it spiel/jabber.

    The many comments here and replies e.g. from mwakilishi and others, sum it all up – little thought was put in writing this article.

    But I feel the items below have not gotten adequate rebuttals.

    Why would you compare Sankara to McDonalds? However, be as it may, the prices in Sankara will be closer to McDonalds than to Ritz-Carlton or Four seasons. For the right kind of wallet Sankara is a super deal.

    There is also the issue of Geography….It is true that Northern Ireland had a handful of Africans but for a fraction of the distance you have mentioned in your blog (about 100 miles! e.g. from Belfast to Glasgow) you will find not just Nigerians, Jamaicans, etc. but Kenyans, by the truckloads; the joke’s not so funny when your target audience actually live in Belfast or for those with access to Google Maps.

    Finally, let’s talk about music! This is not the 80s where tapes had to be shipped across the sea… DJs have no excuses these days, please update your DJ, get him connected and so that he/she can join us in the age of streaming. Who is even burning CDs these days? Kenyans have moved on, we buy Kenyan music online.

    Regards,
    Diasporan Kenyan

  236. MOKAN says:

    Nice piece of writing, and having been abroad for 20 + years, I can relate to being broken and missing home. You are right however, that banter you hear from folks abroad is cry for help and a coping mechanism, we can’t say we are relevant to you so we try through suggesting ways to better Kenya…knowing full and well you guys have it under control. We just miss you guys, miss Kenya a lot of people want back in…but it’s tough. So God bless kenya and keep making us want to come back …nice job Kenya..

  237. Allan Deya says:

    A bit on the harsh and sarcastic side but I feel you Biko.

    There are those who are who they always were or wear who they have become well and then there are the clowns with the constant need to entertain us. I am always of the opinion that everyone has a right to do and be as they please, but please people (and the “people” know themselves) if you cannot spare me the agony of your posing and fake a** twang then at least have the decency to not happily (and loudly at that) embarrass yourself in public.

  238. Aria says:

    I have been reading Biko’s blog and Mkawasi’s blog and here is my 5 cents.
    Well as a kenyan in kenya, kenyans in diaspora should know that not every kenyan back home is desperate to live and work in the diaspora, we love our country, we adore it, we wanna grow it, develop it make africa proud and remove the filthiness and dust and whatever bad you guyz in the diaspora see in it. Remember the diaspora countries you guyz are so proud to be associated have been civilized for more than 200 years so slowly by slowly we are catching up there and someday your children and granchildren will come back home and find that its not soo stinking and bad after all.
    If you’ve been in the diaspora and you’ve liked the life so much back there when you come home, why complain of no water and electricity? The money that you are so thrilled to go to the bar and drink/spend, why cant you put a water tank to your folks at home, why cant you buy solar to power the house you live in?
    When i read all these comments, i feel bad coz my best friend recently moved to the states and am so afraid of the day she comes back home and start asking me silly questions like is Kenya safe, is there water, is there electricity….
    Be informed we are not jealous of kenyans in the diaspora at some point *speaking for myself* i kinda pity them, my uncle went to the diaspora more than 10 years ago to better his life….he lives in a trailer, he left his nice home to live in a trailer, for all i know, those 10 years in kenya, even if he was farming, he could have made something for himself and his family. Its your choice to go to the diaspora, everyone knows how hard life is there, so is life in kenya but at least we can embrace each other, we can laugh around family, hug each other of our stinking armpits and you know what we get the pride in growing our country, economy and one day we shall be proud when we are old and stinking even more saying, we grew this proud nation.
    If you are in the diaspora and you feel that this country is an embarrassment to you…F..k off, rot there and let us rot in our country. We make believe here in Kenya, filthy nairobi…..

    • Tim says:

      well said

    • Muziq Bafa says:

      Oh dear, you’re full of ‘sh..ugar’ and you know it.. Bet you missed the green card ‘boat..

    • Muhahe says:

      Ehe..so why is your uncle in a trailer?? Is he lazy, old or both?

    • Kinjeketile says:

      “I kinda pity them??” Honey, please stop…you are killing me with your BS!! Did your uncle also tell you that his trailer comes with basic amenities i.e carpet or tile, oven/fridge, phone/cable jacks, fire alarm, a trash bin in the back etc.?
      Ati “everyone knows how hard life is there” and yet all “everyone” does is annoyingly ask for money and invitations to…yes, you got it, DIASPORA!!
      Here’s a generalization: You are all a bunch of lazy, conniving, money-hungry hypocrites., How’s that?

  239. Manni says:

    I am a Kenyan in diaspora and I would like to commend you for a well written article. We tend to be followers not leaders, we have never accepted ourselves that’s why we tend to imitate the western world. Please be honest and write about both sides of the coin. Kenyans in Kenya do also sag, wear weaves on their hair, men pierce their ears, line up to eat KFC and pizza (just look what this food does to the western world) and not to mention wear hoodies and in the middle of the hot Kenyan weather. Lets stop being in denial. Its not a problem of Kenyans in diaspora, its an African problem. Lets work together and fix it.
    MM

  240. Michael Njoroge says:

    @ Joe Wama, you have to be one of those Kenyans this brilliant writer is referring. Am very certain of that. And for our information, he has won awards here in Kenya. When was the last time you wrote anything in the US of A and it was published and earned you an award? Huh? I did not hear you….So please sit yourself down. NKT.

    • Joe says:

      I don’t need to write or publish shit, I’m doing fine just as I am. And I may be one if those Kenyans, and honestly, I don’t give a rats ass. I make my money and enjoy the lifestyle I’m living wherever it may be, so take your comment and shove it up your…..kiss my rear while at it.He has won awards in Kenya? Lmfao…is that his accomplishments?. What if he was wangari maathai who won a Nobel, we would never hear the end of it. So feel free to go cuddle with your so brilliant writer….

  241. Irene says:

    Hey Biko! I am one of the silent readers, but we all come out of the woodwork sooner or later! 🙂
    I have read the comments, and all I can say is I pity anyone who says Kenya is not their home. We all know that you struggle to fit in abroad, which is fine. But in that struggle, you forget who you are. In turn, when you come home, we cannot identify with you, because you are not the same person. I have family members who still talk the same as when they left! Probably, they even speak better kyuk than the rest of us! Do not come bragging to us about your new “home”, and we know you work 3 jobs just to build a house in nairobi! The fact is, they will never accept u as one of them, but your parents and family here always will.
    You opted to go study/work abroad, which is fine. But those of us who stuck around here to try make OUR country better don’t deserve your constant complaints. Yes, we know of the jams (we live them!), the KPLC issues etc. But what’s important is we are working on them. You went to a country already built by Tesla or whoever, and you come to brag about that?! Shenzi!
    Instead of the petty criticism, do something about your home country!

    • jj evans says:

      Thise whos accents don’t change is cause they live abroad in seclusion. By that I mean every weekend they only socialize with Kenyans. Their spouses are Kenyans. They cook Kenyan and don’t explore. They work with Kenyans and talk Swahili all day.
      OFFCOURSE SUCH A CLOSED MINDED PERSON WILL COME BACK AND STILL BE TALKING LIKE HE NEVER LEFT HOME.

      I have zero apologies for my accent after decades away. ITS NATURAL.

  242. Nimmu says:

    Much has been said. Factual or not, it might not really matter. But I still believe that everyone has a choice to make here, provided it’s not illegal. If u say that I tweng or… merely cause I’ve been the West or something, yet you back home want to be somewhere on the modern world’s map by acquiring education and experience, then I wonder what you really want. The saying goes ‘when you go to the Romans you behave like them’. One last thing: there’s no way you’ll improve if you don’t someone who challenges your character (education, finances, social life, family life.. name it). So don’t be too harsh for something you don’t like or can’t have.

  243. Janet says:

    This conversation has reminded me how to laugh out loud and hard. The level of defensiveness is too funny. *sips my brandy* :-!

  244. Richard says:

    Guys, truth be told. Even though I kept laughing at all the things being said, but these are hard facts.

  245. Mimi Wamae says:

    I should forward this to my friend who recently went to New zealand. He once told me all his kids are Kiwi not Kenyan!

    • Priscah says:

      Miss or Mister, does the word dual citizenship ring a bell in your ears? Don’t let me get started already on educating you. There are several ways one does acquire citizenship and one is by birth. His children having been born in New Zealand qualify them to be Kiwis. They hold new Zealand passports don’t they? They attend school there etc. quit being shallow minded, would you? Hope its clear now.

  246. Newcomer says:

    High skul on fire, someone call G4S. Kenyans vs Kenyans living in the diaspora. Emotions geting @ boiling point.Loving the drama though!

  247. Diaspora Messenger says:

    A letter from the Kenyan Diaspora to Mr Biko Zulu & Comrades.

    Dear Mr. Biko Zulu,

    I hope this letter finds you in good health back home. We are doing quite well here except for the economic crisis that is depriving our pockets. This year, we might not be indulging as usual. But we will still make sure we send enough money for school fees, food and funerals. However, we might not be able to visit the motherland in large numbers as our tradition mandates.

    We recently received your letter nanoseconds after you sent it: http://bikozulu.co.ke/a-letter-to-kenyans-abroad/. Thanks to our fast Internet speeds. First we would like to apologize for the hard times that our brothers and sisters have given you, except we have no apologies currently available. It happens. That’s how it is. However, you have to apologize to us and to the rest of the Kenyans for your name. Biko Zulu? Where is your real name? Since when did we run out of authentic Kenyan names? Can you stop hiding your Luo name and wear it proudly? We import many things from the diaspora but names should not be part of the list. Get a Kenyan name if you don’t have one before you start criticizing our mannerisms.

    Mr Biko, you are very right that about our dollars – no one gives it to us for free. We work hard for them. And when we have made the money, we pay our bills, we pay school fees for our siblings, we buy 10 sacks of fertilizer for our relatives in the village and, finally, we buy that air ticket! That’s why when we come we splash money. We do it because we have worked hard for it! We buy expensive clothes and expensive drinks because we can afford to! Why would anyone continue drinking safari cane when he can afford champagne? Why live in Kibera when you can live in Westlands? Mr Biko, we all love nice things even herein the diaspora. When we come home, things are mad cheap. We don’t simply buy stuff, we shop and we have no regrets! We are not trying to keep appearances. No, we are acting normal, spending as usual. That’s how it is.

    Mr Biko, why bite the hand that feeds you? I have heard of countless tales of financial expectations directed at the citizens of diaspora. You should do more justice to our financial contributions that we inject to the economy: remittances are just but underestimated. You forgot what happens after we land at JKIA. The numerous dinners we are invited to, only to be left to settle the bill. What of the villagers, near and distant relatives who see us as their financial Messiahs. Strange tales of financial woes greet us wherever we go. Talk of how the only family cow had suddenly died days before your arrival, yet there was no money to replace it. Tales of the most expensive tea served in the village: a neighbor inviting you for tea only to pour out her financial inflictions until you part with Ksh. 2000. Sometimes it happens that an arrival causes so much excitement that a neighbor decides to go to labor – good news because your arrival was in God’s plan. Then you have to fork that 10k for transport, maternity fees, and diapers and cerelac! How forgetful of them that, sometimes, we are mere students with expenses, struggling to make ends meet between classes and homework – working odd shifts to pay for tuition, food etc. That we too have expenses and budgets. That some of us have families – and boy, daycare is mad expensive here! Yet we do not complain because we understand ‘things are hard’ back in Kenya.

    Given your preference for Russian quotations, it seems you believe more in Mikhail Gorbachev than Obama – I don’t believe in either. If the only way to change home is to be home then how have you changed home yourself? Why have the 40 million Kenyans not changed home yet? It’s because change is hard to come by –it takes time and comes in many forms. We might be thousands of miles away but we are still making strides. We work hard and save to make sure that our siblings, relatives and neighbors get better education. We send a few dollars here and there to help a brother start a kiosk. Many households are alive with electricity at night, thanks to the sons and daughters in the diaspora. We heavily invest in our economy. Isn’t that change?
    Social media is a powerful tool for exchanging ideas. But apparently Kenyans at home are better at using social media than those in diaspora. So is this how Kenyans at home make noise? “We stoke Boniface Mwangi’s fires on Facebook then we go on Youtube to see if he survived the fracas.” That’s cowardice! You want Boniface to get burned but you would rather sit and hide behind the safety of your screen. Since you are the Kenyan at home, why don’t join Boniface on the street, Mr Biko? ‘We have realised that the only way we can fight these politicians and their endless plunder and greed is through the mighty power of Retweet!”. Have you? No you haven’t ! Your tweets ‘will drown in the churning sea of social media melee…’ Walk the talk! Be brave!

    Furthermore, behind the veil of online anonymity, how many Kenyans have you and your comrades murdered on Facebook and Twitter? How many killed Caroline Mutoko online? When Ngunyi talked the truth, how many RIPed him on Facebook? Oh yes, remember Tujuane? The show should be renamed Tuuane. Mr Biko, are we you talking of the same Kenyans who unanimously executedand buried Mirfat on Facebook? When are you electronically cremating Edah Otieno?

    Accents.
    Don’t be too quick to judge when we ask for ‘warrer’ because we have had to do what we had to do to survive. We have had our embarrassing moments, when we requested for ‘water’. You should have seen them laugh when we asked for ‘coke’. We’ve had our times, good and bad. There were countless times when professors and others repeatedly asked me us to ‘come again, please’. Pardon us, perhaps our problem is that we learn quickly, may be too quickly. Soon enough, we went from‘it is what it is’ to ‘ir is war ir is’. And we’ve got no apologies to make. We are still not perfect yet. For some reason, many of us still can’t quite differentiate between ‘walk’ and ‘work’, ‘coke’ and ‘cock’, ‘cant’ and “c…’,‘hungry’ and ‘angry’. We are still refining our accents, yet you and others are busy complaining already! Please let us be. Wait till we master the American tongue!

    If you are adamant on criticizing our acquired accents, you should start by criticizing Kiraitu Murungi for mispronouncing the word ‘bus’. Kiraitu’s ‘Mbas’ would not make much sense if he didn’t talk of the ‘ndriver’. In my village, a bus is called ‘pas’. No one has or should have the right to blame him because he spent more than 20 years conversing in his native dialect. The man grew up where every pupil, primary and high school teacher was a Meru – where everybody understood the word ‘mbas’ meant ‘bus’. Even animals are not immune to this cultural heritage. In Kamba if you tell a dog ‘kuja hapa’ the dog will simple look at you uncertain of what to make of your words. But if you told the same dog, ‘kuya hapa’, the dog would come running like an antelope. Same applies to American dogs, and people of course. So do not blame us, because wherever we are, everybody including dogs understands ‘warrer’ to mean ‘water’. Ir is warr ir is!

    Security.
    My friend, we are very wary of insecurity everywhere. Just because we lived in Kenya for twenty something years is no reason for us to be less vigilant. Everywhere we go, even in the diaspora, we are circumspect. I am sure you read of the numerous homicides committed against Kenyans in the US recently – thanks to the Daily Nation et al! So it should be no surprise that we appear too wary when we walk the city. We have acquired expensive property that makes us prime targets. In this technology era, it’s not uncommon to arm ourselves with Ipads, Ipods, and I-phones! We have them because we need them. And we can afford them too. Everything is not for show. We have work and other important matters to attend to via email. Ask your diaspora brothers and sisters -they will tell you that some companies actually require smart phones for work. But in any case, there is nothing illegal with owning the latest I-phone 6s. If victims are being sent to the ICU for possessing a Ksh 1,000 phone sembuse I-phone?! You must be joking!

    English Grammar:
    Finally, I find your critique of your Loita street conversation quite silly. You attack this poor fella’s grammar as if he is a native speaker. Did you know that Americans are terrible at grammar as well? Now you know. You will be pleased to find a number of grammatical inconsistencies in this response because I have not, and I care less, about a perfect presentation, especially for you. I have seen many people like you on facebook and elsewhere online illustriously ridiculing others for their grammatical inadequacies. I call it idiocy because I believe in communication rather than stupid grammatical rules that we need not adhere to. Have you ever listened to the typical Kenyan Swahili conversations? They are riddled with egregious violations of grammatical rules yet we still manage to communicate among the 42 tribes. I and many others engage with our friends in the villages and elsewhere – those not privileged enough to have had complete formal education. They have very powerful ideas despite their unsophisticated use of language – you should listen to them! Perhaps you and your comrades should join TSC to become teachers of language and literature.

    Mr Biko, do not complain about our accents and our money. Tame your resentment and bitterness, we still love you. We love our country very much, that’s why we keep coming back. We have seen efficiency, that’s why we complain. That’s just the way it is. We will keep sending them dollars and Euros and rupees and Renminbis. And finally, get yourself a real name from where the remains of your ancestors lie. Eti Zulu Biko, omera yawa!?

    I mean:
    Ir is war ir is
    It is what it is

    Yours,
    Diaspora resident

  248. No Sympathy says:

    No sympathies for me.
    So I left Kenya (what was my then home) at 18 and I get to college and am black firstly shock horror!! Surprised, okay I did not realize that is what I was, which was fine I am proud to know my roots and proud to come from Africa. Before you all go jumping on the band wagon I say this before I had left I was my tribe and Kenyan not my colour. Where do I call home where my heart is, that is home to me it could be anywhere would you be dissing and chastising me for calling Tanzania home although am Kenyan. I may just want to be cremated since I don’t see the purpose of shipping my body to Kenya note I did not say Home!

    Then of course when you are out of the environment you were used you assimilate to survive after two years of being away and coming back during the Moi regime in 2000 I had a bit of a culture shock from the airport, noticing that everyone I came across with is Black and not to mention the state of the airport then, I had to stop myself and laugh at the absurdity of it all. You see I was seeing people in a different light all I noticed first is the colour. Why am I shocked at the poverty because i have seen what it would be like not to have poverty staring at me and it saddens me to know that it has become the norm and that we are accepting this. Apologies, for saying that out loud slap on the wrist. Tsk Tsk…

    English came by ship so when I arrived and I had to alter my pronunciation to what the wenyeji of language could understand, it became I am twanging to Kenyans and just for information it is true the accent changes depending on who am communicating with where I am as I would not like to give a presentation and not to be understood. Not because I was not proud of where I came from and having a Lion in my backyard and going to school on an elephant yes I say it loud and clear I was just too damn lazy to keep repeating myself.

    KFC is a luxury I don’t see you dissing the people who work there yet you are dissing the Kenyans who are working in Mcdonalds to earn a living similar to the KFC staff in Nairobi. Anyway KFC as a luxury brought to Kenya to increase and promote poor eating habits which is the bane of the Western world, I would rather my kuku porn and the dirty chips with the unchanged oil from 1900

    The odiero backpackers who are fearlessly walking down the road are ninjas in their countries so of course walking down Loita street is like taking a walk in Brooklyn, and they have saved for 10 years to come and mislead the school/college/university girls, the ones you don’t talk about are the ones who just fly for safaris and stay at the all-inclusive resorts in Mombasa. Even Sankara will accept payment in Dollars and most of the hotels please let’s not mislead the folks so not just Bureau de Change Forex.

    I did not forget what Kenya was like and where I come from Life happens and I had to get on the wheel and turn as you did in Kenya and perhaps in my mind and my wish I would have loved to show my Children the Kenya I knew and grew up in where it was relatively safe to walk down the streets in Nairobi without any worries or having to think of car/matatu jackers not because I come on summer holidays because I Love my life, perhaps that is a valid reason!

    No I am not getting my knickers in a twist out of this Irony that has been written just a thought did you get rejected for a visa application count yourself lucky as you can sit back and write irony about people in Diaspora it was a blessing innit mate.

  249. mark maina says:

    http://www.mark-lammergeier.blogspot.com

    This is a great piece Biko! Some Kenyans who spend a few years abroad, come back complaining about everything and speaking in funny accents.A bigger population of those living in diaspora sacrifice a lot, toil endlessly in such harsh environment in order to uplift the standards of their families & relatives back home. we shouldn’t stigmatize any of our countrymen for comming back with a different perspective towards life instead adopt their new ideas to develop our nation. Relatives and friends should stop making outrageous financial demands on those in diaspora.Find solutions to your problems on your own!

    • Afrorigi says:

      Yet, i see nothing wrong with ‘accents’.. Kwani what is ‘kenyan accent’. One that ‘intone’ when saying things like ” we fika-d… Kiidu 1pm.. You jua.. You were the one that did..” ?

  250. Masisi2 says:

    First of all am not surprised yet another blogger trashing diasporans, but I have to say he’s right when it comes to diasporans who go overboard yes, we do have them.There are Kenyans living in Kenya who act the same but don’t get the same bashing. The journalists who read our news in American accents and have never left Kenya, the young men in Kenya calling each other “ma nigga” and have never hit the streets of Brooklyn, Kenyans in Kenya you talk to them in swahili and they only respond to you in English. Biko, when you have one finger pointing at the diasporans you should have three fingers pointing at you and others like you who are quick to judge without living the diasporan life, and just because you stepped out for a quick minute doesnt mean anything . Living the life of people who had to leave Kenya to for greener pastures, might give you a better perspective. As for the ‘tweng’, if I have to fake an accent to put food on the table, damn it I will fake it all day everyday, if I have to wipe ass to feed my kids, i will wipe that ass the best way I know how. What is the big deal? you can work at McDonalds and have the most fulfilling live ever or you could be a CEO and your life is just as miserable. About working in McDonalds there is nothing wrong with that, our youth in Kenya are wasting away with joblessness and we are here chastising a hardworking Kenyan half a world away.How did we Kenyans become so shallow? You might know a few Kenyans who work in McDonalds and nursing home but I do know a few Kenyans working in McDonalds, nursing homes, college professors, medical scientists, artists and Dr.’s whose work is greatly appreciated out here and I dont hear guys like you mentioning them.We live in a free world and you can be who you wanna be if you open mind and your heart to better experiences, other than sitting there judging and criticizing people who have chose to do just that. Cheers!

    • vic says:

      I heard peeps in mtaani calling each other nigger`s even maddo on standard newspaper was calling obama the house nigger. now biko calling us uppity and the pretensions that peeps dont speak their mother tongue only english,

  251. Not Surprised says:

    I have never heard of this guy – how about Kenyans just focus on their lives? I am Diaspora, quite comfortable with my life – not sure why it bothers people who have no plans of leaving Kenya?

    You do not need to leave Kenya to be successful, neither do you have to stay in Kenya to be successful. Each to their own.

    Very silly article.

  252. jebichii says:

    You have to wake up Zulu (u better find some other name like mchokoraji coz thats wat u are chanting about).Things are the way it is my foot!YOU ARE IMPENDING CHANGE! if being back at home is making change then wat have you done to bring change? Wouldnt u ask if nyando river banks have expanded if u hadnt go home for years?Well, if you dont then your brain cells are stuck within the sphere of ‘undynamic’ thinking.We are aware of the change in everything around us thats why we ask if a certain place is safe wen we come back home.
    Get a life Zulu.Kenyans would be grateful if u focused on a diff writing for they have worse problems.

  253. mimi says:

    I feel a lot of hate from peoples comment now I live in Canada and a Canadian citizen, so Canada is home for now I pay my bills and my kids go to school here now I bealive im still Kenyan because I was born and raised in Kenya and still have my family who I love to death in Kenya, my accent has changed sorry its not Kenyan anymore but I still value my Swahili and my mother tongue, I love my life and I thank God everyday for bringing me to Canada. I still thank God for Kenya too, it seems you just meet the wrong people but please don’t generalize, people here work hard and earn their money right even if they clean toilets or peoples butt at least they are earning, next time write a note on how to improve Kenya and have our youth get jobs. I’m a proud diaspora with a Canadian accent.

  254. terby says:

    you killed it there!”there loita street thing about it being safe”………..one guy from joburg once told me life ni ngumu huku mpaka inahitaji energy drink(ka redbull) n that were we strong to survive the so called “tide”,the issue is before he went he was a hustler than me!

  255. Nana Fredua-Agyeman says:

    Your writing is engaging. Will love to read a novel from you. Excellent piece of writing.

    This story is not peculiar to Kenyans. In Ghana it’s the same.

  256. Kakai says:

    Biko, thank you! Thank you very much for this brilliant, hilarious piece of work.

    For 6yrs now I’ve lived in Harlem, New York City, by far the dopest spot for a black guy on this planet. And you couldn’t have expressed my thoughts on this situation more aptly. Of course, I get ribbed endlessly by Kenya Kenyans for my mildly transformed accent, my astronomical expectations when I go home, and my recent financial woes. Often enough when I’m home and open my mouth with some ridic NYC shit my bro goes, “shut up jamaa, this is Kenya. ”

    That said, MOST diaspora Kenyans don’t fit this mold. I’m talking a good 70% – the quiet ones, the ones you don’t even notice right outside of JKIA, the ones who spend 5 weeks (2 weeks of that unpaid) a yr at home attending funerals, weddings, building homes, relationships, being Kenya Kenyans. These are the ultimate Kenyan hustlers, guys like me who rose out of the dust and cacti of Makueni and keep hustiling for more. Guys that can blend in at an NYC Corporate Happy Hour just as well as a muddy stall in Ngara haggling for a cheap Ksh5K suit – and rocking that same suit on Wall Street like it’s a legit $3K Roberto Cavalli.
    For a guy like that, the truth is I am home in Makueni, in Kisumu , in NRB Loita St, in NYC and in Tokyo. And in all these places people always ask me Who I am and Where I come from. what a completely irrelevant question. Ask me where i’m going next instead.

  257. Nyambura says:

    @Texan and loving it, you must those shady Kenyans we hear about parroting everything that people whine about, Don’t you have your own voice. Get off your high- horse and go repair your texan accent.

  258. Rahab mwangi says:

    Ha ha that response was so classic:) Well done.Take a look at the log in your eye first Bikozulu. Thanks!

  259. ManMan says:

    Nice article.Hope all ma diasporas are reading this.

  260. jj evans says:

    TO THE POSTER CALLED GRANDSON: You say you have been abroad for a few months and cant understand why Kenyans abroad have accents or think differently. YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN HERE A FEW MONTHS SHUT UP. Wait until you are here ten years, lets see if you will be saying the same thing.

    I have an accent and I have no apologies. My siblings are all here and we are all married or dating Americans. We are all American citizens too. Our kids are American.
    Our foods are American, our political talk is American.
    Kenya is the place of my birth. PERIOD.
    I love Kenya yes I do . But my parents visit us every year, so we have no reason to go back home. And I don’t think Kenyan anymore. How can I

  261. vic says:

    Biko Zulu, Are You Out of Your Mind Attacking Kenyan Diaspora?
    By Mwakilishi | Tue, 08/27/2013 01:11AM -0400
    Printer-friendly versionPDF version
    You have touched a raw nerve my brother. How could you spend time to disparage a whole 1.5 million army of Kenyan immigrants spread from Swaziland to Switzerland, Oregon to Christchurch? What wrong did any of them do to you?

    Ati we whine and call abroad home and splash the dollar at mama pimas, blah blah blah, on and on you went with your vitriolic diatribe.

    Well, allow me to educate you and anyone who thinks they can poke the eyes of innocent, hard working Kenyans spread in all four corners of the universe.

    Immigration has been and will continue to be a reality in human history. The same reason that made you leave Uyoma for Nairobi, or Kapenguria for Likoni, Mombasa, is the same reason that made Akinyi leave Ugenya for Adelaide, Australia or Kamau leave Thika for Buffalo, New York.

    Were it not for man’s endeavor to explore and move out, Columbus would have remained in Spain, or Italy, or wherever he came from. Abraham was told by God to leave his motherland to move to an unknown place where he found his blessings.

    Give us a break man! While we are at it, as the horde of your supporters clap at your hate speech, have you asked them the last time they visited their rural homes? Did you know there is a category of urban Kenyans who never sleep in their rural homes? When they visit with vehicles larger than the village path, they troop to the nearest town in the evening to sleep in dingy motels for fear of jiggers and night prowls.

    How many Nairobians call home to ask if it has rained and postpone their visit to the village because they do not want their Subarus getting stuck in the village path? And you dare raise a finger at us. You also live in a glass house. Usituletee!

    Did I hear you castigate us for acquiring some foreign accent? And what will you say if you visited Mpeketoni, Lamu, or Kisumu Ndogo, Kwale where Kikuyus and Luos settled among the locals respectively and acquired their mannerisms?

    When two cultures meet and collide, there is bound to be some layering, otherwise known as acculturation.

    You say that our facebook pages are breathless streams of political consciousness tinged with Machavellian teachings. In the same breadth you accuse our politicians of not reading. Mamayo! The last time I checked, the Kenyan political landscape is filled with PhDs and professionals who have veered off to politics. And even if they do not hear, at least somebody said it.

    We are bound to compare how things are done abroad with the sickening status quo at home. How long will Kenyans continue calling police stations only to be told the only police car has no fuel? Who will speak on behalf of that school girl I saw on Citizen TV who uses chicken feathers and dirt during her monthly period? In the meantime, our leaders are dipping their fingers into the cookie jar. And Mr. Biko Zulu wants us not to twit about it. We will continue to make so much online noise until the day our leaders will stay awake all night and realize that all is not well mashinani.

    While you brazenly tell us that there exists a class of Kenyans who dine at the Tribe Hotel and sleep in Laikipia, there is nothing to celebrate about that. It only shows that the gap between the rich and the poor is wider than the Rift Valley. One can only give thanks that an immigrant working at a local McDonalds can easily afford to eat at the same restaurant with the city mayor and ride in the subway with Jay Z. Why? You ask, because the system is set to work for anybody with a sense of work ethics.

    In the meantime, Kenyans abroad will continue to be patriotic. They will continue to support positive change back home, they will participate in the great debate to make our motherland a better place, and yes, when they come home they will point a few things that need to be done in a better way. They will forever be tired of the lethargic approach to work by some civil servants. They will forever complain about endless traffic jams, and that corrupt traffic cop. They will not fail to notice that the law states three passengers in a matatu seat, or that the County General Hospital has no beds.

    For if they do not, their fellow compatriots may think that is the way things should be.

    By Peter Gaitho | babaashley@yahoo.com

  262. Lost in the Diaspora BUT still a Proud African from KENYA says:

    OUTSTANDING ARTICLE!!

    I have not been home since I left due to circumstances I care not to go into as it is irrelevant, BUT, my heart has never let me forget where I came from and who I am. When asked where I am from, I always state from Kenya, but raised in the UK. I am blessed with dual citizenship, British and U.S. (TOTALLY MEANINGLESS). I was stripped of my Kenyan citizenship when I was naturalized as a dependent child of my parents in the UK.

    I have been out of my country for MANY, MANY years. Through no fault of mine, I am embarrassed to state that I only speak ENGLISH, but still fully understand my local language and some Swahili. I am now craving to reconnect with my ROOTS; and God’s willing, I plan to go home next year to rediscover my ROOTS. My HEART’S DESIRE is not to stay in the city, but to go and stay in the village where I can relate to the reality of the very life that I stemmed from.

    Why is it that when God Blesses us, blacks in general, not matter where you originate from, we have a tendency to SHOW OFF to those less fortunate, forgetting that we were there too and share the heart-felt experience of poverty???

    REMEMBER MY PEOPLE, GOD BLESSES US SO THAT WE CAN BLESS OTHERS and not SHOW OFF……………. Often, those wealthy impersonators have very SHALLOW pockets, especially if their wealth is measured against those who are less fortunate or shall I say, who do not have the same opportunities to better their lives.

    God Bless our motherland – Kenyan and all its inhabitants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you for sharing this outstanding article.

  263. Swahiba says:

    http://www.mwakilishi.com/content/blogs/2013/08/27/biko-zulu-are-you-out-of-your-mind-attacking-kenyan-diaspora.html
    Enjoy the rejoinder. But Thanks for opening the Pandora’s box…Occasionally we need some distraction from the humdrum of this life. Let the conversation begin.

  264. Jahazi says:

    I think Biko was also attacking some not-so-savoury local traits…people only chose to focus on the diaspora side. Both sides need to style up. Bruv, you got people talking. For once its local vs emigrants (diaspora) rather than the usual fights over political or ethnic affiliation. The ‘diaspora’ tribe is really miffed and is responding in kind.

  265. Diasporan in Germany. says:

    When you make analysis, please realise your fair share of it, unless this was strictly or loosely based on your genuine experience after whatever time you spent in Dublin, Ireland. Meanwhile, this sort of energy needs rechannelling to mayhap searching for ideas of the input you need to make in order to contribute to the success of this ‘diasporan integration course’. Nonetheless, this is a good read for the pure purpose of entertainment, but not for its literal sense of ‘enlightenment’, Bikozulu.

    So, do ‘they’ become whiners because of articulating their sentiments contrary to the norm, which according to this article reads: that’s-just-how-it-is mentality?! Better still, is this perception then, a deeper revelation of your laxity!?

    Also, “change is the only constant”, especially after any form of cultural exploration. Suffice it to say, some things take more than a breakneck pace. Breathe easy.

    p.s. This was an enjoyable read. Cheers. Although autocratic, your voice here hit a home run. Well done!

  266. Doh says:

    its simple. there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a diaspora Kenyan picking up an accent if they so wish. fake or otherwise. its no business of mine whichever place, for one reason or the other, they choose to call home. They can complain about Kenyan Politics, Kenyan roads, Kenyan traffic, Kenyan streets all they want, that’s colonization doing what it’s paid to do…Whatever another individual, with a whole lifetime different from mine, chooses to make of ANY of their experiences, including living abroad, is not my concern. “to them, their way.” Here is my problem. I have encountered the kind of people that I think Biko’s article is mostly directed at, those who use this “living abroad experience” to belittle and demean 1. Me, as a person who has yet to travel abroad 2. My country, our country. 3. My culture, our culture. Their criticisms of Kenya are usually aimed at making me feel inferior. less of a person. less intelligent. less cooler. less “with-it” because I live in this ain’t-never-been/going-nowhere-superhighway-that-still-gets-flooded-dust-everywhere bloody country! Now you see, coming at me and my country with intentions like those is just unacceptable. and yes, those people must be called out. they must be reminded of the wars we fight everyday in this here our country. poverty. HIV. corruption. they must be asked to quit trying to intimidate or stifle us with their accents and know-it-all-but-really-know-nothing attitudes. We don’t need our shortcomings rubbed in our faces by alienated individuals doing very little to help the situation. If you feel the need, as a Kenyan, to separate yourself from your country and your culture, That is your choice. That’s for you to settle with your heart and not owe nobody an explanation. Just don’t try to police the rest of us out here, doing the most. That is all.

  267. Esther Neema says:

    ha ha ha, this was a very funny article. I don’t see why anyone should take offence, unless one does the things above. Love your writing 🙂

  268. Kwaka says:

    Do not poop in a house from which you are shifting, for it it might begin to rain the moment you step out the door……

  269. MR SAM says:

    Hahahaaa…. Last time it was tribal clashes… What do we call this ones? Long live America and the Kenyans in it RAAA!

  270. mimmy says:

    This is hilariously painful!

  271. vinny says:

    You just have wrong friends Or family . I have a big family in kenya ananother big family in the united states. If they all had a saying in this then tungesema ni vaco. We left home humbled n we are still the same. U still make calls to the boys I used to hang with, I send money to grinds just to boost them and I don’t complain. Don’t forget that sometime the likes of u are the one’s who push Kenyans abroad to stupid limits. Like kuonbaomba pesa na kulazimisha conversation in English tukijaribu kuongea swa ama kiluga. As much as. Mnaboeka na sisi haitutishi we have a life to live and bills to pay n I hope you do to so fuck off n n go to the drawing board n chose different grinds who keep it real wakikuja hme.
    o

  272. Dee Awuor says:

    Biko bwana, mbona unatuchapa below the belt hivi? Bwahahaha

    Thura, nennwa oruma seche moko!

  273. janet says:

    Why is it that we should make fun of how people are make a living as they work hard to put food on the table ? Would you make fun of a someone flipping burgers in Nairobi ?
    About acquiring the accent, so much has been said . It surprises me that the writer is not bothered as he listens to newscasters in Kenya and all the other kenyans who speak with American accents altho they never left the country !The children in diaspora … they speak the accent , they can’t help it – just the way it is .My son returned to Kenya at 15 after being away for 7 yrs . His childhood friends whom he had so longed to see rejected him saying he was ‘jifanyaring’. He hated the experience and returned disillusioned and having lost his identity .
    Saying ‘when i was in …’ , it is indeed many years of experience and it becomes a point of reference . Can you erase that from your mind ? It is the same way a Nairobian would say , ‘when I lived in Eldoret or shags etc . It sticks just with you .
    The deodorant issue , lets agree , it’s called good grooming . We can do it and we owe it to each other !
    If it is indeed true that we are show offs when we visit Kenya , well , that’s a shame . There is nothing so special about these countries we have chosen to make our second homes for whatever reasons . The earth is the Lords and the fullness therein .These boundaries are man made . We all children of the universe with one (uni) song (verse) I am grateful to God to call this place home and grateful that I have Kenya to call home .

  274. Mary says:

    So is Obama Kenyan or American? His father is Kenyan and buried in Kenya so I guess he should quit with that fancy accent and go back to Kisumu where he belongs!

  275. USLATTE says:

    @ODHIAMBO….I have no idea why you felt the need to say “I have come to the realization that most of you wouldn’t recognize satire if it walked up to them,slapped them and then introduced itself” because a lot of other Kenyan’s abroad agree with your sentiments.

    Don’t apologize for being who you are. There is not a day that I don’t wake up and thank God for blessing my parents and giving them the foresight to acquire US Citizenship so that their children could have a better life and access to opportunities that were not available to us in Kenya. In that same spirit, they taught us to be nothing but humble and compassionate because it is God who gives favor for all the blessings in life.

    Most Kenyan’s that left, left things off really well with friends or relatives only to visit years later and thinking that they could just pick up where things left off and are surprised that people (especially Nairobians) have developed a nasty attitude towards them. I can boldly profess that I decided not to waste my time trying to reconnect with people when I am in Kenya. Life is too short trying to convince people to accept you for who you are. I only reconnect with Expats that have moved back to Kenya and my relatives from Shagz. They have no judgment, love you, and accept you for who you are.

    Most people are just being themselves but when they are VISITING (and yes that is not a mistake as it is no longer HOME), everything they do or say is misconstrued to the most negative interpretations. Some of us left the 254 a long time ago when we were minors with our entire nuclear family and a lot of extended family members as well. Do you really expect us to know the infrastructure, speak the language fluently with no “American Accent” and not question which areas are safe for someone sticking out like a sore thumb to withdraw money from an ATM? Heck what/where is Loita Street? Who even remembers street names anymore?

    The comment about people working at McDonald’s (not MACDONALDS) is just hilarious. I sure did work there as a summer job when I was teenager like 90% of American kids do in the summer. For those FOB (Fresh Of the Boat) Kenyans; work at McDonald’s or at a Nursing Home with pride and put food on your table and make your dreams come true. Leave this class-driven people alone that think success only comes from white collar jobs. They are chasing after matatu’s with their PhDs and Master’s degree especially after clubbing in the wee hours of the morning while you are comfortable settled in your heated car after clubbing at 4am with awesome amazing highways and lighted interstate’s and highways (yes a friend I know went over a round-a-bout at night because visibility was poor).

    Kenya is a beautiful amazing country that has a lot to offer. And many Kenyans are nothing but hardworking and generous and accepting of all types of people be they foreigners or their relatives abroad. I love Kenya and but I love living in my country a lot better than living in Kenya. I sure as heck won’t make apologies for me loving my country regardless of whether y’all acknowledge that fact that this is MY country or not. I recognize it and the US government recognizes it so whether you all agree with that or not is really a moot point and pointless.

  276. El says:

    Maybe it takes one to be in the Diasporas shoes to understand why such immense feelings have been ‘caught’ but upon my first read I was of the opinion that the tone in this blog post was satirical, aimed at evoking humor, a sprinkling of hyperbole here and there, oh well.. A good read by many standards!

  277. Jina says:

    Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance, this is the danger of a single story, ….

  278. Afrorigi says:

    ‘Dude’..kwani ‘ulinyimwa papers..’ I assure you it’s got nothing to do with me, so spare me while I live.. I choose to summer bunny- for me , not for you, so if you expect to ‘ dunda-dunda ‘ on my hard earned moolah, expecte to be my ‘tour guide’ as well..tit for tat..you also left out the bit that not only diasporans whinge about’ nothing works here’-if ‘ haki yetu , bado mapambano.. tunaomba serikal..’ demos and pleas are anything to go by..not only do i find ‘cops at a traffic light ‘ absurd- heres one more, traffic lights at a round-about…maybe give should be written in Swa…last time i checked, kids, yes kids, that work at ‘golden arches’ earn more than a kenyan accountant..that ‘ kfc is a luxury..’ i fail to see how that is my fault..maybe time to go ‘bado mapambano ‘…again..accents: i could care less about about them as much as i care about ‘our’ colonial (christain/baptismal) names, however i take it that with a name like that, you are southAfrican??

  279. Caroline says:

    Player haters.com

  280. Jenn says:

    Dear Buku,

    Here is a rebuttal to your article titled , “A letter to Kenyans abroad”. I do think you hit the proverbial nail on the head on several points however you were way too subjective and your encounter with diasporans was highly selective to a few people you have met. I am sure you have met many level headed diasporans who you could not tell from their speech they live outside Maviringo South. I am here to make a case for the level headed diasporan, the mature ones who are actually more Kenyan than the Kenyans living in Kenya.

    As you noted, diasporas monetary contribution is colossal and to put it all in perspective, diasporas are sending money all year through, donor aid comes in spurts and pledges are sometimes not honored. As noted on remittances by yourself, in the first five months of the year, diasporans have remitted Ksh 45 billion ($508million) to a country badly in need of revenue. This is not pocket change and it goes to address most household needs such as tuition fees, expenses for household health and food which keeps the economy moving despite the fact that government coffers are empty.

    Your first point you raised was on whining by diasporas while I do agree with you, no one wants to host a whiner however, there are big issues afflicting our beloved countries that need to be addressed. I was recently shocked to read of a fire at JKIA, this is not some casual whining but my questions are where were the fire brigade based at airport when the fire started?. I was equally embarrassed to see AP servicemen carrying buckets to put out a fire. This is a busy airport, the hub of East and most of Central and Southern Africa, why don’t we have a fire station, if there is one, why aren’t they adequately equipped and why do the same people still hold their jobs after such an incident. While still addressing the fire issues, I clearly remember a few years back, there was a fire at Nakumatt opposite New Stanley Hotel. This was even more tragic as lives were lost; there were reports that the owner of Nakumatt actually ordered their employees to lock everyone in to avoid theft. Have the owners been prosecuted to date? Even Kenyans living in Kenya can point out these as serious issues that need a strong administration at the airports and judiciary to hold someone responsible and accountable. Kenyans living in Kenya have raised these issues and so kindly allow diasporas to vent their frustration at sometimes incidents that show some parts of our governance is not working.

    Your second point is a painful one indeed, we know life goes on while we are away and missing birthdays and funerals of close relatives and friends is not something we revel in, its circumstances beyond our control that hold us back in our adopted countries.

    We also understand you cannot be partying with us every night however you must also understand we cannot also see everybody while on a 2 weeks’ vacation and the best way is for everyone to come together and see us at one go.

    The point you raised on legal tender is sheer follishness on the part of diaspora and I do agree with you on using the legal tender for Kenya when in Kenya, further to this, forex bureaus and the airport should have written notices of the US$ notes they accept, preferably on their websites so every travelers are made aware in advance. Also , please do not try and sell stuff at “African Price” at the Masai market when you see or hear diasporas.

    I am sorry you had to endure a painful night with your cousin from Jersey, well just to let you know, we have parties in Jersey all the time and we always want to play Kenyan or African music, we want to worship and sing in Kiswahili. I do think you are painting all diasporas with one brush, we are all different and the older lot are more mature and attached to home than some who left Kenya after completing form four..

    As for politics, I think Kenyans love their politics, I remember during 2002 and 2007 electioneering period; the news was rated as the most popular show. Hence by extension, Kenyans in diaspora also love to be involved in politics. If we look at the love of politics by Kenyan even those in diaspora, it should be viewed in a positive light. And every voice should be heard, providing a solution is a good thing, there is no use to discuss a problem and not offer a solution. You are also free to join in these discussions. It is erroneous to think, most diasporans have gotten into politics because of Obama’s book titled Audacity of Hope, I have known diasporans to be involved in politics even before the publishing of this book, however if it encouraged most diasporans to be involved in politics then it is a good thing. We hope in future we will be able to vote from our adopted countries and not be locked out of participating in the political process in our home countries.

    Another point you raised, is we think you are being shafted in politics even so much without dinner, first and foremost, it’s difficult to know from Twitter and Facebook feeds who is a diasporan and who is writing from Kenyan. We understand political development is going to take time however if we do not demand for our freedoms then the oppressor will not give it to us. Some of the people in diaspora have lived through saba saba and the Moi years so we understand what oppression is all about. We also have tons relatives in Kenya and we want them to live in country with better governance and rule of law. I do agree with you, there is still more that can be done by diasporans like forming lobby groups to discuss various issues affecting our dear beloved countries.

    On poverty, you stand corrected, it’s not the same as when some diasporas were back at home, it has simply gotten worse, I was in Nakumatt last year and the prices of food had gone up, it was difficult for me to continually buy food for my family of 5, I even wished I had carried some of the spaghetti in my suitcases to supplement my families food intake during our vacation. Yes, you can get shocked when you realize the middle class in the towns are struggling, one wonders how the rural poor and people living in the slums are providing for their household needs. I realized costs of food in Kisumu was the same as in the USA for most things while others can be found cheaper in the USA, so my concern is that the level of incomes are not the same in both countries and in the USA there are social protection services who provide money for the unemployed, food for the homeless and other household essentials. My question was how were the rural and slum dwellers cope with increases in food prices (Increase in food prices have been going on since 2008, the financial and economic crisis that hit Europe and the USA was felt in Africa later and is still going on even Europe and USA is in the recovery stages.)

    On security in Nairobi, we are all aware of the car-jackings and robberies in matatus, things change even when you have been out of the country for 5 months. In a recent visit to Nairobi, we were being driven by our brother in law at around midnight and we noticed he did not stop at the traffic lights, when we asked why he would not stop at a red light, he said it was safer to deal with the police after being caught running the lights than stopping at a red light and risk being robbed. The first rule in security is always know your surrounding and there is no harm in asking about your surroundings as things can change.

    Finally, I will tackle the accent issue. We all know, we Kenyans are fascinated by accents; all our comedies thrive on jokes about our accents. Our radio talk shows and Tv anchors and presenters are mainly people with Western accents. Some of them I cannot even make out where the accents are from. Being diasporas are from the same stock as the Kenyans, most people either assimilate, while others try and adapt an accent either to fit in or because of some inferiority complex. The accent issue really baffles me that a Westerner living in Kenya, their kids will have a Western accent while we come to the West as adults and develop a Western accent.

    Now that I have addressed some of the issue you raised, I would like to raise some of my own. There is a lot of animosity for Kenyans in diasporans, especially when they come home and some of it can come from total strangers. Before I settled in the USA, I was a frequent traveler because of my job, I was treated so badly at the airport and most of the time by young women like myself. I would ask why I was receiving such bad customer service. An example is once I was booked to travel to Paris on an E-ticket, the person in charge refused that I should travel, all my immigration documents were in order, even after calling the office in Mombasa, he still would not allow me to travel. Finally, I told him I wanted to talk to his boss and then he let me travel. I really did not understand why he would have refused that I should travel given that E-tickets had been around for a while.

    Another animosity that I frequently encounter are people on the internet stating all diasporans clean mortuaries, dead bodies or change bed pans. First and foremost, how I make my money out here is not anyone’s business, what most people in Kenya need to understand is healthcare is the largest and most steady form of employment (at least in the USA), there is flexibility in work hours that can allow a couple to take different shifts and still take care of their children. Child care in most places is more expensive than college education so most people have to change their careers and join the health field in order to afford child care and have a steady form of income and a career. Kindly note , money earned from cleaning mortuaries and changing bed pans make up the KES43 billion and is used to pays school fees, medical bills, food , rent and clothing for our relations.

    Mr. Buku, you have clearly pointed out that we are not so loaded as we used to be. Why is it when I come for a funeral/ wedding or a vacation, do I get 4-5 people lined up looking for school fees for their children. Sometimes, I have bought the ticket using my credit card. Please pass this memo around, diasporas do not have as much money as they used to. Secondly, most diasporas always complain about sending money home to a brother, cousin or son/daughter to build them a house but the short African story is the house is not built or he has has built it in his own compound and moved in. I am also not going to buy you alcohol the whole night, if you came out to spend time with me, you should carry your wallet. I am not made of money neither am I an ATM machine.

    I think Kenyans are one and we should see ourselves as such whether you live in Kenya, USA or UK. There will always be a few immature people that do not still understand that as a Kenyan you are no different than the other based on the place you live currently. It is false to think of Kenyan as “us” versus “them”. I have agreed with a lot of your points and sorry that you met the immature diasporan. Next time, I am in Kenya, I would like to visit Bama and eat some Matumbo, Kenyatta Market for some good food and also while at the Lake side, I want to eat Fish at Cham gi wadu hotel. I hope I will not be time barred to go to Loita street and please Mr. Buku, I will need that security update.

  281. Daraja says:

    Biko has generalized here but the truth is, this DOES happen. There is a bigger picture here though and this should be a learning moment for all of us.

    Kenyans in Kenya can bash Kenyans in the diaspora all the day long and vice versa but it’s not productive at all. The real issue is the class system that is embedded in the Kenyan culture. A villager in some shags in Kenya could have written this same article about some Nairobians. A certain tribe in Kenya could have written the same article about another tribe. We could all write the same article about our politicians.

    This problem is the reason politicians don’t care about their constituents. It’s the reason we don’t care about our watchmen and house helps. It’s the reason tribalism has stuck on us like white on rice. It’s the ‘I am better than you complex’ and we are all guilty of letting this complex get the better of us from time to time.

    So let’s not throw stones and instead focus on being more sensitive to each other’s feelings. Let’s think twice before behaving in a way that could be perceived as ridiculing another’s life. Let’s take advantage of our different backgrounds to build a stronger nation. Let’s respect and uplift each other.

  282. Julia says:

    And who said we only flip burgers abroad. I know a lot of successful doctors, lawyers, engineers, computer analysts and entrepreneurs. Why cant we have two homes, one here and one in Kenya? If you ask any kenyan in the States, there are things they love about kenya and things they hate about it and the same goes for the U.S. There are things that are great about living abroad and things that are not so great. What every successful person knows is you have to make your situation work out for you. If you are in Kenya, make your life the best you can to your ability and if you are abroad, take advantage of all the opportunities here. Well, if you think living in abroad sucks, you just haven’t met the right people or being to the right places.

    • Nimmu says:

      @Julia: You are very right. I’m a Kenyan living in Kenya. I believe one needs to make the best out of the situation to better their lives. The more one lives in denial, the more the chances that the quality of their lives will dwindle or remain the same. If systems (esp. governance) don’t work, say it! Cause if you don’t you are part of the system. Otherwise our ‘leaders’ won’t change for better. I’m certain those complaining about guyz living in the diaspora would take the chance if they had an opportunity, why: to better their lives, and would be complaining about things not working ok at home.

  283. SASA POA says:

    Biko writes a lo of bull. i am glad that I left this god forsaken country. where I live now I am respected as a professional. When I was in Kenya a qualified Engineer it pained me to see that a DC who had not completed form four was earning twice what I was earning because his Uncle was a PS or if it is a female opened her legs for a male HR.
    I am so glad that I got a chance to leave. I have made enough money to build a house in Raunda and one in Diani. I will reire in Kenya not because I love, because I can hire one of you to clean the toilets.
    Most of you who have commented get your views from persons who never made in life on merit but had a relative who got you a job in the civil service.
    I am looking forward to retire in Kenya if I cant hack it I will leave and retire back home which isint Kenya but abroad. I live in a global village. In my country the dont close the roads for hours for the president.
    Finally when a truly Kenyan was asked what would he do if US gave a green card to any Kenyan who wanted to emigrate. his response was I will clomb a tall tree as I do not want to be crushed in the stampede.
    PROUD TO BE BLACK, ASHAMED OF BEING KENYAN.

    • Sharon says:

      Sasa poa the only wrong thing that Biko did was to generalise, but there are Kenyans who live abroad who behave exactly the way Biko described, for you Kenya shames you but thats your opinion and no one faults you for that. Having said that this was a light read just enjoy it.

    • Tim says:

      We hear you

    • katherine says:

      nigga pliz.(let me use ur new lingo. )ur probablly cleaning toliets in the US.spare us that BS…if you hate kenya that much. si u retire there. better yet get burried there too. we dont need our soil soiled by your unpatriotic views.
      Ans p.s u have to command respect and earn ur place in life.

    • Mkenya Daima says:

      you have a point but you should not forget your roots.

    • Kakai says:

      evidently, deep seated bitterness at play here. We’re Kenyans and we love you and you need to forgive. We have all suffered the pain of our collective ignorance, perpetually oppressed by the continued racist, colonial, mindset that you seem to want to propagate. We need to heal from that wound.

    • vossti says:

      You do not sound like a professional Mr. Sorry.

  284. mkenya says:

    some insights but overall the author does not get it… let him first tell us what he was doing in Durban and for how long?

  285. Masisi2 says:

    For those of you that think this was meant for fun or satire. It’s not funny when you come to Kenya to visit and discriminated against or exploited based on such stereotypes held by many Kenyans.

  286. Wanjiru Brod says:

    Okay, so, when i go visit Kenya with my husband, who is white American by the way, people will look at me as a Kenyan in diaspora because i adapted into an environment that is different from my home country after having lived there all these years? Get over yourselves folks! Then let me be a Kenyan in diaspora with a dual citizenship because bottom line thing here that matters is success and happiness. Life is what you make it to be. You can be successful in Kenya or abroad so stop hating. Another thing, don’t blame someone for trying to find out safe locations in a country we all know too well to be not safe. PERIOD.

    • Priscah says:

      Tell´em.We have to ask about safety.I mean the last time I checked a Grenade exploded at Moi Avenue.The same could happen at Loita street.They are the ones who live there and are informed.I fail to understand why the author get so worked up over that.These guys got issues.

    • Diasporan in Germany. says:

      Yes, a point I forgot to add in my comment yesterday. I’m in full agreement with you on your statement in regard to the ‘safe locations’ although from my viewpoint, I doubt he or anyone else with a similar thought projection was blaming anyone. I think he’s just being evasive about it, sadly. Security, Bikozulu, deserves its own thread before we can dissect it accordingly.

      Kimani Cira

  287. Ka Meritah says:

    ..The age old fight between Diasporians and those at home is kind of stale. It’s like siblings in one family fighting about mannerisms of the ones who live in the city and the ones who live in the village.

  288. Name says:

    both this and the other letter have some valid points…..I personally dont care as long as we live in respect to each other as human beings.

  289. antony says:

    hahahahaha…ur dope brooo.True story there

  290. 0bed says:

    Mr. Biko I want to start by saying that what your are saying is true, we complain a lot when we come back home. I want to ask you if you know the difference between a rotten retard brat and an intellectual? your argument is like of the former. We in the diaspora have accepted the change we see in places where we live and we try to tell people back at home what is going on around the world. The last time I checked according to history we only have three countries speaking English as their first language and kenya did no feature. If you want us to do everything in the Kenyan way stop writing in English because its a borrowed language and it comes with a price of going to school. There is nothing like Kenyan english so if somebody is speaking with american accent or british accent he is on the right direction because all the dictionaries I have seen they either tell you american pronunciation or british in that matter neither one talks of Kenyan pronunciation or spelling. you see stupid people would want to infect other people with there stupidity so that they all look the same and that is what you are exactly doing. learn to accept cultural diversity, thing keep changing day by day, please am begging you to try and change. Change is like rest and it begins with you not the politicians. If people in kenya who have never travelled out of Kenya try to adapt to american dressing style, try to talk like americans and all that what of somebody who lives with them?

    • Tim says:

      matusi ya nini? umeumwa that much?

    • vossti says:

      You have a point bro, but go easy with the name calling. Its not that serious.

    • 0bed says:

      @Tim have you ever struggled to do something good to somebody and then he insults you after that? I have tried to invest back home, assisted my family and friends in different aspects, I visit Kenya every now and then. Back in the US we identify ourselves as kenyans by having cultural events, we go to Las vegas every year to cheer our sevens rugby team. We always want to participate in Kenyan politics. What else do want us to do?

    • Tim-Z says:

      @Obed, now i get you; but take it easy bro

    • Vowkallz says:

      Obed, There is you… The good ones. Then there is the rest of them. I have been with both kinds so I know… There are those that really do what Biko said. OK, I admit, personally, I do not mind the partying… I still party in their absence, in the same clubs where I take them when they come. But with respect to the writer, in the absence of his content… His mastery of the Art is impeccable.

      Have you read his piece about the gay community? It is more or less the same as this. But focused on LGBTI community. So relax. Its never that serious… 🙂

  291. Achieng' says:

    Biko, keep up with the amazing writing. What you have here is awesome talent. I will keep reading your work as long as you keep writing.

    No writer in Kenya that I know of has created such a buzz. Some conversations we just need to have and the truth is sometimes hard to handle!!!!

    • Muziq Bafa says:

      I looked for an inkling of truth there in didnt find any..’southafrican’ Biko , did sound like an ‘status quo’ agent…’ dont whinge, that’s the way it is’ ..i.e ‘diasporans, please dont wake kenyans up.. let sleeping dogs lie..’

  292. Jen says:

    Kudos Biko.You have told this story with your eyes open,going by the comments it is the truth.

  293. AcidBurn says:

    Nice article the diasporians are furious

  294. Wanjiru says:

    MEOW!!!! Who rubbed this cat the wrong way???

    If my presence disturbs you when I’m home…steer clear of my way. Everyone has an opinion on politics….me included, live with it. & if I rock up with a Latin American accent whilst living in, say, Oz…..it really is my problem not yours. I will enjoy my gin & juice….whether it is in Sankara or Buffet Park (I miss Buffet park); provided I settle the bill, sioni shida. So, what is the matter here? Can’t we all just get along??

  295. Sera says:

    High School is sooo packed this Week…LOL… Can the Principal call an assembly and welcome the visitors. While you are it ..talk to them about high school rules and regulations!! Veterans… Lets enjoy the buzz…

  296. George says:

    This has degenerated into something the writer didn’t intend. I think Biko’s piece was satirical. Diaspora contingent is overreacting and the hard position taken by those living in Kenya is exactly what our village folks have to say about us when we show up with bottles of Dasani at a funeral and complain about the ‘backwardness’ of our ancestral homes. This is a class issue. As you succeed in life, your comrades who are unlucky and got stuck in the trenches history will surely have some negative words regarding your new lifestyle. You can’t please everyone. Be yourself.

    It’s true some Kenyans misbehave after spending a few years abroad. Yes I call it misbehaviour coz how on earth can you spend 3 years in Siberia and come back here speaking like Richard Quest? But if you live in the US for 10 years, in all fairness you’ll have an accent and you shouldn’t apologize to no one. Ir is war ir is…

    Can’t believe someone, an adult of sound mind I assume, is attacking Biko for alleged grammatical errors. Jesus Christ!!! This is a blog. Go teach English in school for all you care. I love Biko’s articles and I read them not to learn grammar but for fun.

  297. Eve says:

    Biko,awesome article as always. All diasporans out there catching feelings are guilty of most, if not all, that you have written. Sure, there are afew awesome and very cool guyz out there, (and I can point them out from their comments) but majority fit your description, again, very easy to point out.

    All in all, excelent piece.

  298. Ann wa Majuu says:

    Biko, have one on me…Hehehehe…

  299. wendy says:

    This is the MOST IGNORANT Article I HAVE EVER READ!
    Take time live in Germany for 3 Yrs and youll know WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT!
    You are LUCKY to be home! Here people STRUGGLE AGAINST RACISM AND OTHER BARRIERS/ STONES!

    You know what it takes to get:
    — a FULL-TIME Work Permit?
    — CITIZENSHIP not for luxury, but so as to get the jobs …. that one has studied for?
    — A NORMAL APPARTMENT- thats not poorly made for any foreigner? Ever paid 520€ for a simple 2 rooms (Yes I wrote euros- Thats the currency I have used for so many yrs- am not acquinted with ksh- I live in EUro land!
    — Good marks at the university thats are not painted with racissm????

    Do you know what it is not to see family and friends for yrs? Do you think thats a choice?

    Ohh yes! You dont know what life is!
    IGNORANT WRITER- am glad i didnt read your name- I ont have to know it!

    And ohh yes my english is no longer good- I learnt German, studied in it and thats what is used in the offices- so next time you speak english/ Swahili with me- call me whatever you wish coz Ill either answer in Kimeru, or in my broken swahili/english. THATS THE WAY IT IS!
    FOOL!

    • vossti says:

      Relax wendy. Its not that serious.

    • Eunice says:

      Of all the replies I read from the Diasporans, yours sounded the most bitter and the most personal, as if you were just waiting to attack someone.
      Did you even read the article? One, it’s a satirical blog and am sure Biko wasn’t attacking anyone, he just expressed his opinion.
      So you know, I live in Germany too, and true, it’s not easy. I do agree with most of the replies to Biko here from other Kenyans in the Diaspora, but aren’t you taking it too far and getting personal and insulting? Read the piece again and try again.
      As for Biko, maybe you should do an article on Kenyans behaviour towards those in the Diaspora, just to even the field out.

  300. marilyn says:

    Biko Zulu,

    You make some interesting points. Your post made me laugh and I could identify.

    The accent thing, is hard to keep as others have raised. I had an accent before I left home. I went to a primary school, where all the teachers were Mzungu, there were less than 10 kenyans in the school, so that is where the accent came from. I have been in the UK for over 20 years now. Accent has helped, as my job involves communication, and people can understand me. Interesting when I first arrived, and started applying for jobs, noone knew I was not English on the phone. Get to interview, their faces turn red, and suddenly the job is not available. Experienced this many times.

    I got teased when I got to secondary school because of my accent, but it did not bother me. When I go home and call friends in their offices, it makes me laugh when their PA’s say, there is a Mzungu on the line for you.

    I do have a bug bear with Kenya Power, and the Water guys. Yes, I complain. Hell, my family in Nairobi are complaining daily. In fact whenver I start a conversation with my folks at the weekend, the first question is do you have electricity. If so, conversation has to be kept short so they can make food. The power cuts ended up in us getting a generator, for our parents. Not cheap to buy, and not cheap to run. As for the water issue, last time I was home, taps ran dry a number of days a week. What did we do about it, we got a tank built so we could have a supply. That did not avoid storing water in Debe’s and having to boil water in Sufurias. I must say when I got back to London, it was bliss not having to deal with these issues and have a hot bath.

    As for Solar, we have set that up in shags now.

    I have had mixed experiences with service back home. I go to a certain hotel in Mba, because they treat me well. Took my old lady there for her 70th birthday. One of the waiters refused to believe we were Kenyan. Anyways, while we were all having our meal, my old lady spoke to him in vernacular. Where we come from, there are different levels of vernacular, and hers was deep. The guys could not believe it, and then had a confirmation that we were Kenyan,lol. He treated us so well while we were there, and would always give mathe extra food, and get stories from her. Had a negative experience in the same hotel at the pool. A waiter and pool guy would ignore me daily. I guess because I was Mzungu, and they assumed I would not tip. I do tip, and am always told I am too generous. Anyway one afternoon the GM came to sit with me by the pool, those two staff members were by my side in seconds. This is rubbish, as why should they change their attitude, once they realise I am on friendly terms with the GM.

    I love going home. I feel so much better, and look so much better when I return. It is the love that I feel when I touch down that overwhelms me. My peeps and others are so happy to see me.

    I don’t expect people to drop everything when I am home. However to not make contact at all, I find wrong. These same people know how to find my number when they are coming to London. I always take annual leave when they are around. Some I never hear from at all, only when they are coming to the UK. I understand fully people have commitments and lives.

    As for safety, yes it is something that I ask about. We have been robbed several times. So we now have askari day and night. We have an electric fence, and dogs. One of my family members was robbed at home by one of our staff, and almost raped last year. When we went to the police station, they had no cars. Said they had no cars for 6 years, and asked for transport. You can’t tell me this is acceptable in 2013. The officer said that their lives are put at risk as they have to travel in Ma3’s and KBS with crooks, and put their lives at risk. In fact when asked what happens in an emergency his suggestion is pay for a security company with a response team! How many people can afford this?

    I have a friend who was burgled one Sunday afternoon, having a BBQ. He lives in South B. All the cars were stolen, and they were all taken to the ATM to withdraw money.

    Another friend of a friend who came home to set up business. In the first month, they were burgled, and they raped his wife in front of him.

    Another friend who got robbed at gunpoint in their shop on Moi ave.

    I could go on, but yes I ask about security all the time. I don’t go out after 6pm in Nbi these days. I am too para. I feel safe in Mba, user Ma3’s there all the time. I don’t in Nbi.

    Yes, I feel the love like no other the minute I touch down.

    • Gene says:

      Marilyn… Finally comment I can reply to. I agree with you. Things here are fifty/fifty. I relocated back here and I have been reading this comments and I keep asking myself, Kwani how many Kenya’s are there?

      Been back for about 3 years. I have lived and worked in Nairobi for those three years. I have always have water from my tap, I have had a blackout once when the estate transformer blew and this was back in 20 min. I have never, really pre and post diaspora, been mugged. I can’t quite get it. And also, back at the office, everything seems to work fine. The water, the electricity, the service at the office apartment restaurant… Everything really seems fine.

      And yes there is the quality of those services. I give Kenya another 10 years and we will be there. But I think what Jackson was trying to tell people is, stop talking and start acting.

  301. HappyMeals Online Services says:

    Wah!! Was wondering why a post went viral. But men you are spot on!! I can totally relate with every last instance!

  302. katherine says:

    My only beef with Diasporas is the safety thing. i mean how safe is US when Ur kids are getting murdered in NURSERY school and guns are available EVERYWHERE.PUUUHLIZ…and the street gangs and drug lords…we know y’all are living in the projects. so stop pretending.

    • vossti says:

      Dear Katherine
      1. Not every kenyan in the diaspora lives in the U.S..perhaps if you had friends in other continents or perhaps even took the trouble to venture out there they would tell you how safe it actually is and what peace of mind it gives you when u take the security equation out of it.
      Suddenly not every home is surrounded by a stone wall with razor wire/jagged bottles.. suddenly windows are not grilled and the only reason you would want to get home early is so you can wake up early in time for work the following day and not because theres a 90% chance u’ll get robbed/carjacked at gun point.
      2. How many Kenyans do you know live in the projects?.. the projects or housing commissions as its known in other countries is govt housing for CITIZENS who dont work or cant afford normal housing… yes they are insecure but most of the violence and stuff you see on tv is restricted to those places… unlike at home where it really doesn’t matter where u live..,Kenyans in the diaspora slave away and DO NOT live in the projects .. they live quite comfortably many in plush suburbs.. why? coz they work… and hard work pays – literally !!
      Trust me security is nothing to brag about its a basic right that we as Kenyans have agreed to be stolen from us by a govt who wont clamp down on the vice..

    • 0bed says:

      peoplpe live in projects because of unfortunate people like you, they live there to atleast pay your school fees, rent, meals and even water to drink. Have you ever felt shame when you receive that reference number to go and pick cash from moneygram or western unoin? That money comes from somebody who lives in projects. For it were not of you who apparently has become his burden he could be living in a better place.

  303. Evo says:

    Biko Biko Biko,inega yawa,cant stop laughing.sooo true.diasporas should stop this crapn the dublin SA accent is just awesome,reminds me of someone.

    • Afrorigi says:

      I’m currently ” at home” , hard at learning wakoli pifwoli-k /kemboi-k /tsimonjero-ik ‘kenyan accent’, how else do i ‘fit in’..zaaa-za, zi duonane..

  304. Jackie says:

    In the interest of full disclosure, I’d like to say this: I’m Kenyan and I’ve never traveled or lived outside Eastern Africa.

    Dear Biko,

    I’ve read this article twice and I still do not get it; what were you exactly driving at? What is the thoughtful point that we should be reflecting on?

    Here’s what bothers me; you embraced a stereotype (and statistically, I’d be curious to know you based your observations on exactly how many Kenyans living abroad that you personally spent time with) and wrote a commentary on it. I have lots of friends & family living abroad. And do you know how many fit your stereotype? 01. 01 person fits your stereotype. The rest are pretty awesome people. And yes, I want them to keep pointing out the stuff that is not working here. Why? Because the day, I accept the bad stuff as NORMAL. Is the day I’ll have basically died and will be just ‘existing’.

    Or maybe, the above is just a joke that I’m not getting (which means I’m either humorless or your joke’s lame). Except the problem is, it comes off as easy and douchey

    BUT, the article could be just an opinion. And with that in mind, you’re entitled to your wrong opinion. Except you are a popular writer with the power to influence a lot of young people.

    yours truly,

    Jackie

    PS: Something is seriously messed up. Why on earth are people knocking on Kenyans who work at Mc Donald’s and nursing homes in America? Here, we also have fast food restaurants and nursing homes and are city council cleaners and for me, they’re honorable professions done by people who do an honest day’s job & pay taxes. It’s the greedy politicians we should be mocking and looking at with disdain.

    • Julia says:

      Jackie, so well said. We should be mocking the corrupt government officials and politicians not honest citizens working hard to provide for their families.

    • CiCi Namukhula says:

      Great point Jackie! Tell them……Dude needs new friends… as in I guess his point of view is based on relationships with his current family members and friends abroad.

      Yes, the day we accept “bad stuff” as normal is the day we stop living. I guess Biko wants you and everyone else to stay at home and accept – then that makes you a better Kenyan.

      Ati his writing is satire….pliz!!!

      So what is so stupid “satirical” about a person that works in whatever kind of work they do as long as its an honest living and they pay taxes? Why ridicule and mock it with the stroke of a pen?

      This open letter should have been address to “Biko and a mindset of Kenyans living at home!”

  305. Tim-Z says:

    The article is wow! It applies most to Kenyan-Americans (like 90%). Those in Europe like 50%. These are my estimates because I have been to the Europe and US.

  306. Ben M. W. says:

    Very true, I have a friend who went to states and keeps on bragging about his home in America.

    • vossti says:

      How bout politicians who have lavish homes abroad and have collossal sums of money stashed away in foreign bank accounts plundered from your very own national budget? Arent they the very ones who come to buy votes from the grass roots every 5 years and are met with cheers and humongous home coming parties only to dissapear into the high walled, razor wired apartment blocks and houses in kileleshwa at the end of elections.. And leave you the middle class hard working citizen to deal with the muggers and all manner of scum waiting to steal (again) your hard earned days wage?… Yet you have beef with a honest hard working kenyan abroad whose flipped burgers and worked in nursing homes to pay his way thru Uni abroad and is lucky enough to have found a well paying job (or maybe even started his own cleaning company) and has acquired a mortgage and is just telling you how things are abroad?? WE NEED A BIG ATTITUDE CHANGE KENYANS!!! WTF!!

  307. vossti says:

    Hahahaha interesting read. whoever is feeling attacked by ur article is just too stuck up to admit some realities of what life abroad does to you..
    I’m Coming home in afew weeks (welcome party anyone?.. no?…ok..) and i admit that I have already been bitten by the home-insecurity bug… you cant blame some of us though coz thats all we see/ hear on the net. Having said that, I think i’m gonna re-adapt pretty quickly given i have been relieved of my valuables once before along ngong road. See yous there!!

  308. vosti says:

    buda hi ni poa. ume deal nao they should come back home and build the nation wawache pang’anga wako broke

  309. nimimi says:

    Good one Biko. Truth Hurts.

  310. Letterfromsweden says:

    who the hell do you think you are to judge our ways of lives?Mind your own businesses….as long as you dont pay my bills,my air fares, you better shut up and get busy.You should be the ones who need to stop bothering us about sending you dollars as if we live in the treasury or even looking for mzungus for you as if there are no girls in kenya.You will talk and talk shit,write all forms of letters but you will never affect us…we have better things to do.

  311. TomA says:

    Clearly this post went over many people’s heads. All I see in it is a hilarious satirical piece.

  312. Mary Mwangi says:

    Mr. Biko,
    Rather than feign sympathy for the ‘Okuyu’ in the Dublin shoe shop, you should in fact celebrate his resilience and sacrifice. Finding his way and eking out a living in a region you refer to as ‘next to the end of the world’ surely beats remaining in Kenya unemployed. The grossly mismanaged and looted Kenya economy cannot provide employment and sustenance for all Kenyans. This national shame is what we in the diaspora carry on our shoulders as we seek livelihoods outside the Kenya borders. We may not all have lofty high paying jobs, some of us are watchmen and nurses’ aides, but we are a dignified lot. Of course every village has a mad man, a thief and a witch (pick which you are), however, the greater majority of Kenyan diaspora are hardworking goal oriented individuals who chose to get on the plane rather than procrastinate in a country where the unemployment rate is over 45% and climbing.
    A globetrotting Jackson Biko Zulu in not an average Kenyan and thus his views cannot be said to be that of an average Kenyan living in Kenya. The facts are that an average Kenyan lives in insecure, squalid and substandard housing with no electricity, piped water or a toilet. He or she is unlikely to have completed two years in a third tier college or technical school. The average Kenyan is one who is technologically inhibited, a two-bit cell phone being the height of his modernity. An average Kenyan in Kenya goes to bed hungry, has no means of accessing affordable healthcare, is in perpetual fear of insecurity and will prove his perfected idiocy by voting in the same crop of leaders in the next general election.
    Mr. Biko, you may choose to sneer and ridicule the ‘Okuyu’ in the Dublin shoe shop but I will encourage him to keep the faith and keep working as in the end, when all is said and done, he has refused to be the average Kenyan in Kenya. When opportunity knocked, he chose to escape a land where only the rich and supremely connected have a real shot at securing employment. A land where master’s degree holders are watchmen and stone masons.
    Mr. Biko, your acknowledgement that nothing works in Kenya; be it traffic lights, etc. is an honest assessment. What sickens the Kenya diaspora is your wimpy tail-between-the-legs acceptance of things as they are. That ‘that’s just how it is’. That you are okay with matatus riding roughshod killing Kenyans on a daily basis. That you are just fine with substandard service at eateries and everywhere else. That you are okay with dry taps and blackouts. That you feel just fine in Nairoberry. That you are fine with the lawlessness that exists virtually everywhere in the country. That you are okay with the heinous crimes against hapless countrymen. That it’s okay to put out airport fires with buckets of river water. WHERE’S THE OUTRAGE? It is not whining when the Kenyan diaspora point out these realities. We are simply encouraging you to fight for your rights. Well, granted Kenya is a third tier third world country where the intricacies of civility have not permeated the society but driving on the sidewalk? Really?
    About you not having the precious time taking us to Masai Market and Mercury Lounge; nobody put a gun to your head. In any case, you gladly tag along for freebies. And whatever happened to African hospitality? If you cannot set aside a day or two for a brother you haven’t seen in 11 years you should be ashamed of yourself. I did not fly across the Atlantic to come sit inside a house. Cut the jealousy and envy and take me around. In most cases I will fuel your car and pay for ALL expenses. Shamelessly, that is what is expected from a Kenyan diaspora visiting Kenya. Everywhere you go the bill is sheepishly brought to your attention. And you people expect me to bring gifts from America for everybody including the brother in law of the sister to my cousins uncle. I become an instant enemy the minute I confirm I did not bring that digital camera for Wanjiru. You claim financial independence yet you stage various elaborate schemes of siphoning cash from us. Either way, when you visit the US, we’ll gladly take you to the Statue of Liberty, The White House and everywhere else. We know hospitality.
    Now, you Kenyans must not feel slighted when I refer to the US as my home. I’m at liberty to choose my home. My children were born in the US, are going to school in the US, will work in the US, will marry fellow Americans and when I die, I will be buried in the US, my home. My choice. Period. Mr. Biko, your perception of ‘home’ does not apply to everybody. Please free your mind and allow yourself to accept the views of others, especially where it does not affect or concern you in any way.
    When it comes to politics, there’s absolutely no reason to discuss anything as we really cannot compare notes and thereafter pretend to have had a genuine conversation. It’s a night and day thing. I’ll put it this way, if Martians visited Kenya during and immediately after the general elections, and went nowhere else in the world, they would think human beings are the most foolish creatures in the universe.
    Outside of that, I have no strong opinion on the matter.

    Mary Mwangi

    • Janny says:

      You hit it home! Thanks.

    • Cici Namukhula says:

      Could not have said it better! Thank you Mary

    • Waithira says:

      Thanks Mary for such an elaborate reply. You spoke on behalf of every Kenyan that has been forced to make a life outside of Kenya. On top of that it would be great to note we are as proud Kenyans as we were before we left. Kenyans are representing well in board rooms across the silicon Valley thru Washington D.C. “Dude”, we have one of our very own as the president of USA. Stop being malicious at best and think how the kenyans abroad can work with Kenyans home for a better Kenya. How shallow to think that it’s about you. Your fellow Kenyan was so happy to see you, give him/her a break when they come home with equal excitement to a home they have missed and loved so purely! This is clearly a prodigal son syndrome, get over it. The Leaders of our beloved Kenya are appealing to Kenyans to come home to build the nation and the likes of you are standing on the way. By the way, we still whine when there is traffic in the US and demand our tax dollars to be put to good use, try it, you will be surprised how much the government can do in kenya when you sot being so complacent and unbelievably take pride in it.!

  313. Dido says:

    Thanks for the drivel Biko..

    How is this any different from rural- urban migrations or vice versa and its subsequent individual traits acquired along the process?

  314. aba- dubs up says:

    @biko I think you need to appreciate change and accept Kenyans abroad shouting and tweeting.
    you must have enjoyed your visit to Ireland …green scenery and the nice roads…..

  315. aoko says:

    Perfect Kenyans!The ‘real’ Kenyans are in Kenya…………..let them teach us how to be Kenyans and leave us to live our lives,they do not know about the struggle,the tears,the disappointments,all they know is what they imagine.
    So ammo take my fake twang and my dorrars, and keep living this “American dream”where I finally got a chance to live a life that if I worked hard I would earn my just labor and live a life that my mother hoped I would,full of hope,opportunity and growth….

  316. Julie says:

    For those who took this personally … wear that shoe (only means you do these funny things) otherwise some “Diasporans” have their panties in a bunch for no reason ; “sans levity”.

  317. Jimtrixx says:

    Biko,you are just an asshole full of damn shiet and i can conclude that you don’t know anything about diaspora.If you didn’t make it coming here,am sorry you have to take heart my friend na uwache wivu na roho chafu…about the accent,my guy you are very wrong,that normally comes automatically…na kama nimekuboo sana,you can as well buy a rope and a chair,then go act a movie on a tree…go to hell idiot!!!

  318. lloyd says:

    most of these kenyans are whining about kenyans in the diaspora how about u first stop with asking for money from us every time we log on to Facebook or call you or buy you drinks or this and that when we visit we are not BANNKS, and yes when u live in the diaspora your accent has to change, u cant talk your mother tongue so obviously you have to talk like people you met here to be understood, and about the security issue… its obvious that when u visit kenya from the diaspora u will be an easy prey for theft and thats why we have to as if we will be secure when we go to a certain street at a certain time and I’m sure as hell that most of the people on here commenting and talking shit about people in the diaspora have never even left kenya and don’t know how life is here all they do know is what they hear and see so u look like a damn fool talking about stuff u know nothing about, i am a proud kenyan living in the united states and i love it here i don’t care if somebody thinks as they say “KUJISKIA” because i have an accent or I’m concerned about my security when i visit. lastly most of you who are having negative comment about people in the diaspora you know you would love to visit e.g the US, or the UK but you probably cant because of circumstance so stop with the jelousy and work hard.

  319. mikedoe says:

    Statistics please. All good writes can say all you’ve said, but great writes will back all they say with stats and not those including family members. You have some truths to what you said, but most of it are based on your personal encounters. It’s hard to believer every person you encountered was a summer “tourist” coming back home to show off.

    You have valid points, but shutting off Kenya’s in diapora from politics back home is going too low.

  320. Kenyan In Victoria says:

    My God! The stereotypes? Biko, i have enjoyed your blog for over a year now, but this post hit a new low.

    I can tell you that out of hundreds of Kenyans i know here only two work in fast food, and yes they earn more than McDonald’s and they were brought here on a work permit by the companies they work for. These same people are living humble lives taking care of their families back home. The rest of the Kenyans work in professional fields, own businesses or are going to school. Canada is not a country you can live illegally.

    I hear all these stereotypes all the time, say what you want but being here means my family can slowly pull itself out of poverty. All my siblings can afford to attend university, my mom is building a dream home and my nieces and nephews will have way more better opportunities than we had. It is not easy, we miss home, we miss our families and their support, it is a sacrifice most of us choose to take on for our families.

    As for Kenyan politics, i don’t care!! I stopped checking the newspapers or scouring online for news. If it is important, someone will let me know. Yes, it is not perfect here but it is where i have chosen to live.
    Call us what you want to, but most of us in diaspora take care of villages back home, it is a tough living but we know we are making a difference.

    For your information:
    I don’t have a Canadian accent, i have a Kenyan accent
    When i come home i have one thing in mind, time with immediate family and maybe some R and R
    I don’t party or go clubbing
    I am not an ATM machine and i have no interest in treating people to ridiculously expensive meals. And yes, even fast food restaurants are expensive in Kenya compared to some Canadians.
    I grew up in Nai but i keep my stay to two days max and head to shags

  321. Kenyan In Victoria says:

    And here is a good reply!
    http://mkawasi.blogspot.ca/

  322. Janny says:

    Biko, Thanks for stirring the hornet’s nest. Noted a few good writers in this bashing party!

  323. belinda Oketch says:

    This guy was in diaspora shortly akarudi.either deported or visa yake haikuongezw,that he felt so bad and had to get a reason kuchokaza na kuharibia diasporans jina.,ama alikuwa na beshte,wakapitia hard times.sasa huyo beshte akaenda abroad.anamsikilia kiwaru!!!yes i said kumsikilia waru coz am only 14 years out here and still remember those words.funny.ehh??kusema ukweli enda kwa streets home kama umevaa real blink blink!!even those at home atleast the ones i know take care of where to go,when,and what to wear.also close their vehicle windows wakiwa sehemu fulani,ama dont come out in some areas.all shikilia their bags sisi diasporans tumezoea kutembea saa zingine na bags open.ama we tembea with fons kwa kwa mfuko ya longí.is it not normal ukiwa home try to ask kama this and that place is safe coz even things change.KUNA MOST THINGS which might sound funny,or are funny to u.but like huku hata ukisahau handbag kwa super,ama duka ya viatu.you can still come kesho and ask utapata mtu alichukua akapeana uwekewe.but nishasikia many people home ni friends.Friends in quotes,anakupangia majambazi.,Mkiwavaamia pia yeye anatwangwa!!ndio mtu asijue alikuwa kwa mpango.how do we say it in kiswahili.kikulacho kinguoni mwako.anakusindikiza mpaka bank saa hizo anakuambia saa zingine doh huisha hapa heri uchukue enough ya the whole week.hihihihihihihi..sms inatumwa saa zile mumekunywa,baadaye wanagawana cash.ama mtu anakusaidia kutafuta accomodation then anaambia watu wacome wakuibie and tell you kikupata hapa kesho utakufa.those are real stpories that make people from diapora behave the way they do.but i bet you already know all this.ama nani??.niliambiwa juu ya chali fulani anaendesha bonge la gari. na amejenga mpaka rentals nai with cash ya madems wake wako abroad.MA DEMS!!!like ako na mmoja Germany,,mwengine UK,Russia,na kadhalika.anajua mpaka mabeshte wao.so anatafutia watu accomodation,ama ukitembea jioni mtu anakufwata kila mahali anaona kusnatchia bag.je wale wana doh but watu wa diaspora wakiwa home wao ndio wanaspend?where are those friends from kitambo who would invite you kwao ukifika home.cook sima,kwa mboga ya kienyeji,na all those traditional dishes.and weekends the diasporans can take u out kujinice?siku hizi ni ,ndio wanakuambia where the best clubs are.where a coke goes for 800ksh kuendelea juu.okkkaaay!!kama umezoea kwenda that place basi leo wewe nilipie coz diaporans get their cash through washing matako ya wazee the way you always saying!!.hiyo siku hakuna kunywa maji ama soda moja mbili but choose those drinks hata hazina ladha for them!!bora spend your cash.sasa ndio kila siku shopo coz beshte atalipa.kwanza how many peopel do we block on fb coz kila saa ukiongea nao the first day.ARE YOU MARRIED??NI MZUNGU AMA MKENYA?hebu nitafutie mzungu!!Kwani mzungu ako gikomba unaenda kutafutia mtu kama nguo??ama ako uchumi kwa fridge kama alvaro utachukua tu na kupelekea mtu?Ama si unialike huko!!wewe unaalika mtu hata humjui??na je wale wanataka kukuoa after chating 2 times kwa fb then tell u:ukinioa al come huko na profile pic yake ni ya wedo hata haijamaliza one year.,while the next ni ya mtoi wake.ukimuuliza anasema hawa watajisort!!!Ukiamuakuangalia profile yake unaona mabeshte wake half ni from diaspora,and only ladies.kwa picha zao amecomment!!UREMBO NAO DEAR!!!i love those sexy legs.kila saa unaita mtu dear saying i can not buy you car,i can not buy you gold,i can not take u to posh places.the only thing i have is love.basi wacha pia mimi nicome home tukule love.i heard mapenzi can buy food,can pay bills,can pay your holidays.coz i only have love for you too.where are those good old days where men were provider?KENYA is the best place where men tell women,ukija dear,ill take you out in nice,nice places for dinner..But niko broke.nani alikuambia hiyo posh places drinks na dish ni za bure??ama mtu atashiba through angaliaring them?wacheni kuingilia watu diaspora!Si wao ndio shoda yenyu.i bet Kenyan men have other probles.think why our women are going to akina …..whats the nameof that nigerian guy who said wanasaidia kenyan men to marry their Girls?hahahahaha!!Kazi yenyu ni kusema wasichana wakenya ni materialistic.Mkiwacha kuteta about watu wako mbali and come ones a year home maybe mtakuwa na time ya kulearn what we kenyan gals love.ba the way,yes.i do watch kenyan programs,read kenyans newspapers.usituingilia diasporans ati siku hizitulienda ujeru tunashangilia only bayern München.coz naona wewe umesahau when u go to Rom do what romans do.unaweza hata teta:eehh wakenya sasa siku hizi ati mpaka wanazungumza kijeru.pole too bad wajeru dont speak the 42 tribes languages we got home so we have to.and ,,mmmhhhh hiyo stories za accent.Funny you dont compalin wasee wa home wakliongea ma accent ya akina DONGE!!ama si ukucheko,si anaukucha saa nkapi?ama Moi Speaking Ghenya Ni inji ya bhole bhole.do you complain?coz pia hiyo ni twenging in other llanguages..ongea french ama kijeru 20 years.you´ll defnately have an accent.ama wewe ni ule akienda mahali anajifungia kwa hao.no intergration,then baadaye anateta vile life ilikuwa your letter was wonderful!!for those who spend time kushughulikia what others do wrong.KUNA WATU WANA TIME YA KU-OBSERVE!!that means you love us,you care,bure hungetumind!!WE LOVE YOU TOO!!!

    • Sukumawiki says:

      Usororaji, na umbenye ni asili ya ukenya…labda..

    • Cici Namukhula says:

      Thank you Belinda! Well said…..

      His intro…yaani about him states he “likes to play God…” I guess he feels he is doing us all a favor by pointng out what he perceives are peoples wrongs and what he and his groupies purpote as his truth.

      One things for sure, Biko and his groupies purpoted truth is not mine and lot of other peoples truth. While he is playing “God” with his pen/keystrokes….I/we already have a God. Live and let Live is my mantra and let the one true God be the judge. Unless of course, if Biko has inspirational ideas that will make us all grow socially, professionally e.t.c. let’s hear it!

    • Chep Chep says:

      Belinda Belinda Belinda is it you from way back in Tush who used to bleach your self with Jik to look lighter. and getting married to an old Mzungu doest make make you better.
      You have no moral authority to judge or throw stones with your poor written response. If you cant see the humor in it you need help.

  324. Baba Tj says:

    Kenyans, Kenyans, Kenyans! Satirical or not. Please let us be Kenyan’s first. As you continue to bash each other (A Letter to Kenyan’s Abroad Vs A letter from Kenyan Abroad), hope you find away to categorize those of us who don’t know where to call home or abroad. I traverse this countries like right now am in Kismayo – Somalia where av stayed for the last 3 months just help keep peace and make a living. I work with Syrians who right now are defending Syria regime even though they know something is a miss and yet they feel bad and may even kick you Axx when you say something bad to and about one of them (Syrians). My point: Be your brothers keeper.

  325. Hala says:

    Fellow Kenyans, my dear fellow Kenyans…How long are we going to sit back and say “Thats the way it is ?” Lets provide constructive forums for ideas that will stir each one of us to bring about the necessary changes that we seek, instead of bashing one another.

  326. Mike says:

    *looks at menu*

    May I please have “A Letter to Kenyans abroad” and a side of inferiority complex please.

    Thank you.

    • Mary says:

      Lol. The first comment worth replying to. That’s funny. And yes, I have read most if the comments here. So much hatred.

  327. alibaba says:

    Omera ,Spot on.

    since the truth hurts,you now need a helmet and renew your life cover.

    the venom that has been coming your way…

  328. Mwangi Wa Githumo says:

    Kudos Biko. This is what journalism is about. Bringing up things people don’t want to hear. I am a Kenyan in diaspora and I agree 100% with what you wrote. All I can say is there is a swahili methali that says “Pilipili usiyoila yakuwashiani?”
    I have never seen a German citizen or a French citizen come to the States and change his accent to be heard.We as Africans in general have to be proud of who were are. Kenya is not the perfect place but it is still home. That is why we call ourselves Kenyan American. I am blessed to work a professional job I don’t consider myself lucky but a guy who was given and opportunity and worked hard. Focused on his goal and achieved it.I know friends of mine who didn’t, spent their youth drinking and partying and now treat me like crap (shit). I still see some of them here. All the things you wrote are true. Not only in Kenya but also here. Ask some of these guys who have been here for 20+ years why they have never had an education despite having the opportunity to get one!. We have a choice in this world and when you make one don’t complain! Keep on writing, we need more people like you to make our society look at it self and hopefully grow from a debate like this. God bless you Biko!

    • Cici Namukhula says:

      You make an excellent point ….it can go both ways….”All I can say is there is a swahili methali that says “Pilipili usiyoila yakuwashiani?”

      Therefore, the question is – ni nini iliwasha Biko? The article clearly signals amewashawa kabisa!

      If someone wants to speak in the accent of his/her adopted home, what is it to you? Yakuwashiani? It could very well be viewed as assimilation. Again I ask yakuwashiani?

      To each his own…..mind yours! If you disapprove of the accent – don’t get one!

  329. Muthoni says:

    I have made popcorn…..Let the show continue….

  330. Sukumawiki says:

    Atleast someone wont let it remain ” that’s the way it is”…. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xh9Ux7WH2KE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DXh9Ux7WH2KE

  331. Maria says:

    People do not understand satire…come on guys, it’s never that serious!!!!

    • Kinjeketile says:

      That’s just the case…nothing is ever serious!….Sonko insulting Caroline Mutoko is not serious. A whole governor (Kidero) slapping an elected representative (Shebesh) is not serious!! There are even some women and a whole lot of men saying how these two women deserved what they got!! Amkeni tafadhalini. Kumekucha!!

  332. magaribina says:

    Biko, I take offence on behalf of all facebooking Kenyans in the motherland. You have subjected us to public ridicule for no good reason. If I had a lawyer, you would be hearing from him soon

  333. bo says:

    Nice work Biko.. Soem other author put it interestingly here,,,http://saharareporters.com/column/american-life-rudolf-ogoo-okonkwo

  334. Driva Tuktuk Mtukutu! says:

    Wow Biko,is there any piece of you remaining!These Diasporas have cannibalized every part of you!They were only shy of bringing the K… RANT because it was not about tribe prejudices!Hey people,it’s not that serious!Get a life!Laugh it off and move on..it’s just a blog!Not an election!

    • Diabs says:

      So are bloggers subject to different rules? I know what you mean and don’t agree with the people who are correcting grammer and all that BUT I think bloggers should write responsibly and not cause division in an already divided society.

      Nothing good can come out of this article. It’s not even funny.

  335. Tina says:

    Can guys on both sides take a chill pill. It’s never that serious should be some peoples slogans if the comments are to go by.
    Another thing just because you are faceless and nameless on internet doesn’t mean you have to be vile… Say the truth but leave the nasty talk to the low self esteemed fellows whothereofe only venue is the ne

  336. KA says:

    Umm, this was not a good read….I was so excited…then I read the content…. *sigh* I get the idea BUT basically you’re telling people abroad to hide the fact that they have been abroad by not saying statements like ‘…when I was UK…’ and you’re telling people that they should accept the mediocrity, the law breakers and not to point out things that should be better by now but aren’t…..

  337. Sheks says:

    Me manze as I read the article I felt my hairline descend towards the bak of my head. First of all If I want service with a smile dammit thts exactly wat I shuld get. im payin for tht shit with my hard earned $$$.if the service is (at minimum) less than acceptable then expect me to demand my moneys worth. Alafu u talk about calling abroad hme….like what r we supposed to say?… ‘in the Uk……’ each tym we talk. Wont they then say ur braggin or jus simply showin off tht u live abroad? Clearly u cnt win with senseless ppl lyk u n ur minions. So wat if I call England hme?! Lyk harrooo! Thts whr I live n its the only place ur sure to find me. Wat matters?….. is which country I REPresent. And for the record We love Kenya bt let us moan bout it too coz we want to see it move forward AND we kno it has so much potential to do so.No matter how much we diss, moan n bitch….no one ever wants too see their country fail. So please! Ur punk a$$ B.S. needs to take a seat n we keep it movib

  338. Julius says:

    Clearly people did not go to English class.
    Those diasporans yapping and complaining are those that slept through literature!

    It is called SATIRE. A stylistic device.
    You remember ‘similes’ and ‘metaphors’??? No? Yes? Maybe?

    Oh I forgot…you were sleeping.

    • Cici Namukhula says:

      Ok Julius…..this thread is made off people who were sleeping in English class and you were AWAKE!

      What’s your point Mr. ???? Is it that everyone should agree with the writer? ***shallow, i think****

      Will that then make us ALL smart like “you”?

      While satire is meant to point out vices and flaws in a subject by using humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize , it also creates discourse. I believe that’s exactly what’s going on here!!

      So you take your smart self and get off this thread that has people that slept in English class and have ‘no idea what SATIRE’ means in your world.

      Take a sit Julius….wacha watu waongee!

  339. artfullyContrived says:

    I was there when it happened.

  340. Poetbaibe says:

    What does it matter whether you live in diaspora or right here in Kenya.? I see people using alot of ‘f’ words here trying to defend themselves…..but Biko wasn’t attacking no one.!! he was simply writting about his observations. deal with it !! Not all ya diaspora guys behave like so, and if you do, thats your life, you don have to change none.
    Guys….make me understand this : I wonder if guys go inboxing strangers just bcz thy are in diaspora asking for money. can someone plase make me understand what these people are talking about, coz I’d assume the inboxes are from their family and friends and not randomn kenyan strangers asking for money.

    Note to all you throwing tantrums…..Kenya is your home….if you were born here, then this is home to you and if (God forbid) you did something wrong and got depoted, this is where you’d be depoted to. love your country and appreciate our struggles. its not easy for most ya diasporas out there, you all do have your struggles and i wish alot of us back home can understand that and appreciate your struggles too, but at the end of the day, we are all Kenyans.

  341. Waci says:

    This one has had quite some comments! Us high schoolers feel like Hig School was invaded. Lakini karibuni nyote.

    Here is another article of one who has lived there.. an oga man oo

    http://mobile.saharareporters.com/column/american-life-rudolf-ogoo-okonkwo

  342. James Ogongo says:

    Biko is a writer. He doesn’t need to please anyone! And you do not need to like what he writes! It simply makes a good read!

  343. Cameroon says:

    The blog post was written to illicit a certain reaction.

    Basically it is from a point of inferiority!!! Inferiority Complex at it’s best. Playing with words can’t hide that fact.

    Let me explain…

    The writer made sure to show how well Kenyans are “westernized” with his heavy dose of mentioning twitter, Iphones, KFC, Gucci, Facebook ETC. It is as if mentioning those things makes one more ‘with it’. NOT!!!

    He did not criticize those ‘imported’ aspects of life BUT he used them to show that wamefika???

    The assumption here is that everyone who has traveled abroad behaves the same way.

    There is no mention of how Kenyans universally expect you to pay for everything. Like you have foreign chapa in oversupply.

    There is no mention that Africa is where it is because Africans are disorganized, individually greedy and can’t keep time hence why they are late for development.

    ALL the (political) news they are obsessed with is by some fake ass accent presenters YET they don’t’ complain about that.

    The truth is the accent makes them feel inferior when they hear it from someone who is back from their travels. Don’t hate coz you don’t have one. Watch the news for some inspiration.

    They spend the rest of their time watching “imported” British soccer from previous colonial masters. Really? May be that’s the closest they will get to being abroad as a group.

    Also the soccer scenario got me thinking. How can u claim u like football but you don’t like Tusker or Karaturi but like EPL.

    Arsenal is NOT from huruma. South Hampton is not buru buru. Isn’t wanyama not in a foreign land now??? Hahaha, the jokes on you.

    What is the obsession with Obama. He is not Kenyan. Never has and never will. You can whine all you want about him not visiting. Get the picture. Using the writers sic logic then his home is USA. Sorry, but your desperate desire to belong is misplaced. Be original.

    Everywhere I went in Kenya I saw this race to become even more westernized.

    And now one guy writes something that makes it seem that the mass inferiority complex is non-existent. Excuse me.

    AND HOME is where you generally rest at night. Period.

    Point of fact: even “Kenyans” are originally from West Africa. May be they need to go back home.

    They are obsessed with the western culture BUT they do a poor job being westernized. Poor copy cats who can’t stand that life didn’t give them a chance to call the west home even for a few years.

    10 traffic police on a functioning street light = STUPID. PERIOD.

    Everything you are proud of is imported.

    And don’t’ talk to us about the ‘Thika Super Highway’. Please. You can’t even build a poorly designed road. You have to get the Chinese to do it? Are you that incompetent?

    Most people I know don’t share the writers views. Thank God. They know that we are ALL different and you should not paint everything /everyone with the same IMPORTED brush.

    Africans are trying to be westernized, and they’re doing a very poor job – they lack originality.

    You are mostly about see and be seen! Don’t believe me. Go to church and see for yourself.

    EVEN your religion is IMPORTED.

    Go Back Home To West Africa!!

    RETWEET THAT.

    • Cici Namukhula says:

      Isn’t that factual! Ps. I said factual not truth. FACTUAL!

      Everyone has there own truth but facts are facts….be it about technology, politics, social culture e.t.c. The whole ‘westernization’ concept assessment and that of Biko, from his own writing [this piece] is spot on!

      Thank you Cameroon!

  344. marilyn says:

    Biko Zulu,

    Looks like you have someone who thinks like you in Nigeria, just read this.

    “I just got back.” It’s a phrase that’s said to pepper the conversations of Nigerians who have returned home to live and work. When confronted with the erratic power supply, or the four-hour traffic jams, or the day-long petrol queues, they sigh and say: “I’m not used to this. You see, I just got back.” So often do these returnees utter these words that they have come to be called IJGBs.

    After Home Office vans began patrolling London’s streets telling illegal migrants to “go home” – making legal migrants of all backgrounds feel unwelcome too – some in Nigeria now wonder if this will mean a new wave of IJGBs.

    The story of the African diaspora returning home to seize new economic opportunities is a familiar one, trumpeted on mainstream news channels and backwater blogs. The continent is poised for unprecedented growth and, all over the world, young African professionals are heeding the call of the motherland and returning to lend their expertise. From founding start-ups to working in established companies; from oil and gas to film distribution; from government appointments to niche private sector roles, the African marketplace is thronging with Africans who have lived and trained abroad. Yet, where some see a Marcus Garvey-style exodus to the promised land, I also see a similar pattern to that laid down by European colonisers in the 19th and 20th centuries.

    When IJGBs arrive on African soil, many come with a set of Victorian-era assumptions. The natives are backward. By natives I mean those who have not lived or worked or studied abroad. The native, with his questionable degree from a rundown local university, does not have the skills needed for a modern business world. Thus the best jobs should go to the IJGBs. They have not flown south and crossed the Atlantic to be clerks and graduate trainees. They are here to be district officers and bank managers and live in the best sequestered accommodation.

    Where possible, they ask to be paid in foreign currency. Where possible, they found clubs of IJGBs and limit their contact with the natives to a minimum. And often a foreign accent, preferably British or American, clings to their speech long after they’ve graduated from IJGB status to “I’ve been back for a while now”.

    There can often be one standard for IJGBs and another for everyone else. In Nigeria, where a year of national service is mandatory for all who have graduated before 30, the most likely to wriggle out are the IJGBs, with the excuse of illness, busyness or just a general inability to cope with the truly horrible living conditions that home-trained graduates must have no choice but to endure.

    I discovered that I had unwittingly imbibed some of the prejudices of the diaspora when I attended a reading in Lagos where the audience comprised chiefly of Nigerian students and graduates. Their questions showed great erudition; their contributions were abreast of contemporary discourse, and the breadth of literary knowledge on display put my own paltry store to shame. And what other reason for my surprise, but that I had unconsciously believed all I had heard about the Nigerian graduate. I felt like a reader whose knowledge of Africa had come from Joseph Conrad and Joyce Cary who then stumbles on Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart for the first time. I felt chastised.

    This is not to say that there is nothing the IJGBs have to bring to the story of Africa’s development. We need bankers from Goldman Sachs and legal minds from Clifford Chance. But we also need financiers who know the saving habits of market women in eastern Nigeria, and lawyers who know how to move around a Lagos high court. Most importantly I feel that diasporans must accept that, with the internet, knowledge is migrating faster than we can pack our bags. We are arriving on a continent where the natives are armed with local expertise and a knowledge of the outside world. Let us remember this if we decide to heed the writings on the vans. We are arriving to be partners, not lords and masters. So let us tread softly and tread humbly.

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/aug/25/africa-arrogant-just-got-back

  345. Mjamaaa says:

    Good wriitng Biko everyone just take it easy i guess we all would be having a laugh if he was all about the new” middle-class” living in muddy areas of the so called Nairobi surburbs…South C, South B.
    If you want to know Kenyans in Diaspora are as Kenyan as they come wait this a general election approaches thats when we all huddle in our tribal cocoons with Okuyos claiminng their boy of average intelligence is genius and Luos feel they are entitled too automatic leadership.
    We like pulling attitude its a Kenyan thing, those from Nairobi feel Kenyans from Mombasa are slow..and the rest from ushagoo ni washamba likewise a Kenyan from NY kinna looks at the so called the new ”middle class” and says buying a second hand Subaru Imprezza doesn’t make you the ish….

  346. asterix says:

    High school has certainly been invaded.
    Someone ought to read catch-22 then come back to this page. I don’t feel a need to defend Biko any more than I feel a need to defend KWAMCHETSI MAKOKHA on Nation.

    Did Biko paint the ‘Diasporites’ with a broad brush? Hell yea! Was he factual? Not on some issues if you want to get into statistics and ‘What was the sample size?’, ‘What was the median of grouped data that he used to arrive at his conclusion?’ * Crickets* I don’t know don’t care.

    *hands broad brush to diaspora*
    http://mawazo-asterix.blogspot.com/2013/08/these-kenyans.html

    • Kinjeketile says:

      So here is the deal, I’ve read (and greatly appreciate) catch-22 but still find your boy Biko’s brand of satire utterly uninformed!! You all make it sound as if “diasporites” do not understand satire, sarcasm or whatever else you want to call his rant. On the contrary, we do. Very much so. We also understand trash talk as well as plain old stupid talk.

      Now, I just read your piece “these-Kenyans” and enjoyed it thoroughly. Very clever. But here’s where you went wrong: “Diasporites” are indeed Kenyans. Do I have to remind you? You say we should use your list to get back at Kenyans in Kenya…like a rejoinder of sorts?? Dude, really? As Kenyans, we can absolutely smile and nod our heads while devouring your list. Why? Kwa sababu we have lived it! Sisi ni wakenya. We know, understand and have participated in the popular Kenyan mchongoano. So No, that wouldn’t make us feel better. Tell us something we don’t know…if you can that is…

      Your friend Biko on the other hand went off on a rant about supposed lifestyles of people in places he knows little to nil about, and probably never will. Therein lies the difference. Call it what you want, fact is his rant was offensive just for the simple fact that it was mainly a product of his imagination (the reality is a wee bit different). Or maybe it was based on conversations with his homeboys about “mazee hawa majamaa wa majuu…” It was misguided, myopic and offensive. He started off with his supposed sojourn into fake diaspora to somehow authenticate his piece but ended up sounding like an idiot. You see, you have to LIVE in, or at the very least research diaspora, in order to understand diaspora. Google, twitter and FB do not constitute research!! What he did was akin to a white American dude telling Kanye West, “wuzzup my nigga” – A NO NO. Not saying you can’t satirize unlived experiences, just saying it helps if you’ve got some background info. Folks have gotten punched in the face for lesser transgressions, lol..
      Maybe you asterix, should teach him a thing or two, huh?

  347. Kwame Kwapong says:

    The overspill huh. One thing I have been contended with to live whereever, with what background that reads after me.!!!. Who never battles with it?. The Nationalism, The Nationalistic.

    A finale conclusion , Kwame ? Yei.!!! so do we do international relationals?. Hymm.
    Go in Peace and shd name speak then you konw you have contributed… Hurray Hymm. Aseeemoooo….!!! .

    Boy shd size and chop ooooh!!!. Thanks.

  348. T.O. Lenhart says:

    reminds me of an old article Native Expatriates by Oyunga Pala

  349. Kinjeketile says:

    I grew up in the village then went off to a fancy boarding high school. When I came back to the village, I got one of my mama’s lesos and started filtering brown river water to make it “drinkable” because after seeing clear tap water, the brown water became less appealing. Some neighbors were flabbergasted at my “audacity”

    Then off I went to University in the “big city.” My dressing style changed and my village accent disappeared because after all I wasn’t going to tell my city friends about “khale khakisakati ketu.” But something else changed. Every time I visited the village, it felt alien to me. The abeingo will understand when I say I couldn’t join the “khuminyisia” any more. With time, I started spending more time with my city relatives (their kids could not utter a word of lunje, it was too “primitive” for them – so it was mostly English with a bit of Swahili thrown in – That’s how I started twanging, lol…

    After graduation I landed a fairly decent job and found my own SQ in a “nice” part of town. The village became even more alien. Only reason I ventured there was Dad and Mum.

    Then Diaspora Beckoned. What can I say, struggle or no struggle, I quickly learnt to appreciate the clean air, paved roads and the fact that stuff works over here, no offense to my mamaland and my village. I could drive, work and pay for shit I could only have dreamed of!! Given my humble background, working hard comes easy. So I paid my way through school while managing to send money home and living comfortably. Now I have a career I love. I just laugh when non-diasporians look down on honest jobs like “wiping behinds”, Mcdonalds, caring for disabled folks etc…Fact is that most people that work these jobs are bonafide citizens, most of them white. And they do it to earn a living and raise families. Why then pray, would these jobs be below a miro with no means from a country with no jobs??

    My first visit back home was well, a reality check!! It’s been said elsewhere but you really have to live it to believe it!! Home smells different when you’ve been away!! Everything looks run down and people look thin, even emaciated. And things look dirty!!It’s just how it looks!! Kinda like how your shags looks to you fancy Nairobians!!Suddenly Kileleshwa, lavington and westlands look like some run down ghetto in south East Dallas!! I kid you not!!

    But we know that it is home and that we are just seeing it through a new “worldly” lens. We don’t love it any less than we always did. We might criticize some things based on where we’ve been but we love us some Kenya. Always have and always will. And if you are like any typical Kenyan, you spend as much time as you can with your relatives and friends and sigh with relief when you finally head back to your newly-found comfy abode – – – in DIASPORA!! Such is the mystery of life!! Long live Kenya, Long Live Diaspora!!

  350. Tony says:

    The truth of the matter is what you have written holds water, and lots of it. One thing you need to realise is that, just like mentioned, somebody has not been home for more that 13yrs and has been living a life of the past. All the hardships, which few really discuss and mention to folks back at home, make such a person go wild after landing at JKIA. On the other hand, Biko, please inform some of the folks at home that life out here is not all rosy, and despite those who show off with their their few Dollars, others are true to them selves, and are notlooking for any special favours, so do not exploit, and cry wolf every other time.

  351. mashariki says:

    i have met such people, bitter to the bone about diaspora people. The fact it that you’re ignorant and lack the intelligent to realize that things work 100% that than your of country Kenya. ill still call you ” you kenyans” if you act like those ignorant kenyans who give you bad service and expect a tip or payment… You drive on a shitty road and think you have ” reached” — as you kenyans call it! Your government services dont work, yet you think thats ok and you dont deserve better. Kenya is a messed up place and you need to wake up and help change things, one way is to whine about bad things in kenya but give constructive feedback while you are at it. Many kenyans for change would actually take it. Im Kenyan, but also American, i like the latter much more and i can do or say whatever i want when i come to “your”home. your people are thieves, conmen, fruadsters, corrupt ,and youre trying to make excuses for them. shame on your face.
    it seems like you’re bitter ….someone of the sort that was denied a visa to the US or just couldn’t hack the life abroad…. And oh on the matter of paying expensive, only an ignorant chap cant realize you’re being ripped off when you pay $400 ( you can do the shilling conversion at your leisure) for a plate of steak . You buy american lifestyles in Kenya at ridiculous prices, thats why i know not to go to some crap place like KFC to spend 3000 KES for a plate of two ; food you could give me for free and ill still throw in the trash! stop chastising those of us who know what we want in life, my diaspora comrades, be as annoying as you want until such bastards are willing to make changes !

    • Sharon says:

      Mashariki relax it wasn’t that serious why the insults? The fact is some kenyans who live or lived abroad have those annoying behaviors that Biko mentioned, this article was meant for those people, personally I have met such people and its not easy dealing with them.

    • ndiransh says:

      Yes! This biko man lacks intelligent to realize that things work 100% that than his of country Kenya!!!!! And the way he writes, even for free this blog is paying expensive. He is fruadster number 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Priscah says:

      And his Avatar commented again.Always on the defence mode for him,(read himself) .Yes dont act surprised,its that obvious.You know yourself.

    • mashariki says:

      sharon,

      no matusi, Just keepin it real. its also not easy dealing with these people! and ndirash…..btw – this blog was made in the USA

  352. missy says:

    Bikozulu!,…

    you seem to have such big anger and pain towards us, aye?..this anger of urs seems to be directed to someone specific, aye?. and who gives you the right to judge people , If they are PROUD to be Kenyans, they will say it am sure, as most of us here are, and if others aren’t, why point your anger towards them. If they have forgotten where they came from, their cultures,.blah blah blah ( though it may seem not right,- according to you n the rest ),..,

    We all have different views of everything,. we got our own freedoms to express ourselves and views in whichever way we each individually feel.!!…

    LET US BE !! concentrate more on building our NATION that being too quick to analyze every other thing …

  353. Jacinta Namu says:

    wah, clearly people wait for the first chance they get to snap….guys, its not that serious….and if I read Biko’s article well, he wanst hating on y’all living it up out there…nooo, we love you so so much….we just thought you should know how “we” feel with the whinning…..some of them (a number of them actually) are very courteous I actually think living out there was the best thing that ever happened to them. I think some of us just want to get krunky, make this personal and actually think we are jealous of them….Im sorry to burst this bubble BUT WE ARE NOT….we are all hustling to make ends meet….TO BIKO…nice piece!! I really had fun…:)

  354. laymyann says:

    Well written Biko,you never disappoint and you seem to have put a lot of Diasporas on the defensive hmm.
    Kiraitu speaks with a heavy Meru accent and he was in Harvard.
    So toeni hiyo ati you have to change the way you speak to be unders