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ALEX, THE GAS-MAN

I called Alex Shipiri:  “My name is Biko, I got your number from a mutual friend, Gacheri.”

“Right. She mentioned you would call.”

He has a deep rich raspy voice, like he just woke up even though it’s after 2pm.

“Great. I don’t know if she mentioned this but  I’m starting a series profiling men and women in their 40’s about what it feels like to be above 40; a life lived, lessons learnt, things to do with money, relationships, careers, disappointments, triumphs etc. I’m trying to capture this 40’s zeitgeist. I want people who are not shy to get vulnerable and she mentioned that you are the man I’m looking for.”

He chuckled lightly.

“Where are you going to write this?”

“I have this small blog that I write.” I said. “Listen, my aim is not to embarrass you or anything, just to get the best life’s lessons off you. Ideally you get to choose how you want to appear in the story, I have no angle…”

“Well, I don’t care how I appear. I’m not worried about being embarrassed, it’s my life and I have lived it the way I have seen fit, so if someone doesn’t see it that way then it’s not my problem, it’s theirs.”

I punched the air with glee.

“Can we do lunch tomorrow? On me.”

We meet for fish at 3D restaurant. We sit in a room full of politicians, which is like watching wolves getting fed. Later we walk to Uptown Grill next door – it’s closed for renovations – and sit on the high stools at the verandah. Warm afternoon. He has on a brown coat and brown shoes and what looks like a new haircut. He has a golden ring and a chunky silver chain on his right hand. He’s a tall bulky man with self confidence sticking out of his pores.

He’s 47 years old.

“Do you remember when you turned 40,” I ask, “and what space you were in?

He looks away in thought. “I honestly don’t remember.”

Pause.

“Wait, I remember,” he says.

“I met my wife when I turned 40.”

“You married late.”

“No, I had been married before, for a year.” He smiles, half ruefully. “It was a quick one; in and out. I shouldn’t have married her.”

“Why did you? Love?”

“I married her because she wanted to get married. I didn’t, to be honest. We were a complete mismatch. We had a great expensive and very lavish wedding, but it was also a very empty wedding.”

“Are you not unfair to her, to say she is the one who wanted to get married and you didn’t?”

“No, she was unfair to me.”

“Oh, how so?”

“Because she probably knew that she wanted to get married more than I did and she kept pushing for it and pushing so I said sawa, let’s get married. Then one day she must have realised that the marriage was a mistake and she walked out,I didn’t follow her. I think marriage is about value, if a woman or man doesn’t add value to your life you leave. She wasn’t adding any value to my life, neither was I to hers.”

“What did she bring to the table then?”

“I thought she was beautiful…”

“And what did you bring to the table?”

“Unfortunately it was my table. I offered her enough for her to want me to be her husband.”

I chuckle at this bare cheek.

“Sawa, then you turn 40 and you meet your current wife. How did you meet her, where did you meet?”

“Well, when I met my current wife I was dating a married woman who lived in Dubai, she – “

“Wait! Wait… “I hold my hand up. “Wait…I suppose you want me to leave that part out?”

“No,” he says. “My wife knows about it, she knew about it then, so it’s fine.”

So he was seeing this married woman who popped into 254 once in awhile. He says it worked because he had the best of life; he  was single and was enjoying the freedom that came with it but he also didn’t have a woman knocking on his door frequently or leaving her wet knickers hanging in his shower. The Dubai lady was never down for many days and soon she was back to the Middle East.

At this time Alex was running a dial-a-gas company “before Kenyans discovered the business and flooded it.” And making a killing. This one time a client calls for gas delivery and she says, call my pal she gives you directions to my house because I can’t talk on phone at the moment. So he calls this chick who gives him directions and he delivers the gas but eventually he meets this girl who gave directions and discovers that she was the sister of a former friend who had committed suicide way back in 1990!

“Like a movie!” I tell him.

“This is a true story.” he says.

This girl – Maria – who gave directions later became his girlfriend. She has a daughter. Her parents were not too hot about that relationship, he admits. Why? I ask. He says he was living in Dagoretti at that time while she was on Riverside Drive, they thought I was with her for her money. He shakes his head and stares out at cars passing on Kilimani Road.

“You were making loads of money as per your admission,” I tell him, “any reason why you were staying in Dagoretti?”

“Why not?” he asks. “I stayed there because I could. Don’t forget I was the pioneer of that gas business, I had a big client base there. I was called Alex The Gasman. I would deliver gas to many households in that area and beyond, Kile, Kili, Lavi…making a profit of about 300K a month. I didn’t have any responsibilities, no school fees I was paying for. I grew up in a fairly well to do family in Woodley, the last born in our family so I was not paying any fees for my siblings, I was cruising in life. I didn’t drink booze or smoke weed. My money was my money, I had a lavish state of the art apartment. I wouldn’t be mooching off anyone. Didn’t need to.”

So they got married. Then the wife quit Mumias Sugar where she was working because it wasn’t working. The morning after she had arrived in Nairobi,  while Alex dressed up to hit the streets begging for his gas, he asked her to join him. He told her, “bring that brain to my business, we can make a killing.” So she joined his gas business and in one month the revenue doubled to 600K. Later they started running a restaurant which made more money.  “In three months after leaving Mumias, she was making thrice what she used to make in salary.” he says. “She’s a brilliant woman with a brilliant mind, everything she touches flourishes.”

Then she got  a big job with an international outfit that took her to Morocco. He sold his gas company and joined her in Morocco as an expat husband. Now, most men don’t do that; they wouldn’t uproot their lives to join their wives in their new postings, it’s always the other way round. Why did he do that?

“Because money has never meant anything to me, Biko. if you pick anything from this conversation it will be that. Money means little to me. ” he says. “I mentioned that I didn’t grow up lacking and so money isn’t something that was going to ruin my relationship with my wife. I didn’t see it [ moving to Morocco] as a big deal, I saw it as going to be with the person I love. Plus there was always something to do as an expat husband who, for your information, was being paid half her salary wherever we settled in. I wasn’t just sitting in the house doing dishes waiting for her to come home in the evening. I always found a job to occupy me.”

I figured I’d quickly strike that iron while still hot, so I ask.  “Who makes more, your wife or yourself?”

Without hesitation. “My wife makes so much more.” he says. “Listen, the stage where my wife has reached in her career, she doesn’t earn anything under a million.  I on the other hand have an income of 600K from all my biasharas, whether I’m in Nairobi or Burma, that’s the amount that will come. Surely it makes sense for me to ‘disrupt’ my life for the sake of my wife’s career. This is the price you pay to support your wife and I don’t even see it as a sacrifice. I see it as my commitment and promise to the marriage.”

“Has the money difference ever been an elephant in the room?” I ask.

“Why should it? The male ego is not a product on its own existence, it’s a product of our interactions with other males who mislead us. I don’t spend a lot of time in bars because I don’t drink alcohol and quitting alcohol 17-years ago was the best thing I ever did because men lie to each other in bars. Men sit and high-five each other and feed into each others’ egos.  I saw a friend’s marriage dissolve because of ego. Men telling other men that they are henpecked by their wives; ‘how are you left to take care of the baby? How dare she tell you what to do? Put your foot down!’ Then when the marriage goes south – and it normally does – when she leaves and goes back to the democracy she knows, you start crying about your kids. Where are the chaps in the bars who used to puff you up with ego? They are with their wives and children at home.”

He pauses as he waits for me to continue writing those thoughts down.

“The reason it didn’t  bother me following my wife abroad was because I didn’t have anyone feeding me this ego claptrap. I didn’t go to bars where men would have told me I’m a pussy for leaving things behind to follow her abroad; it’s hard for anyone to tell you these things in a coffee-shop. My decisions were and have always been between my wife and I, not between me, my wife and my friends in the bar. Once your marriage becomes your friends’ marriage it’s already ending. Thankfully, the friends I keep are highbred friends who understand me, people who were socialised differently, men who are confident about themselves. If you keep friends who are confident on who they are, you will never feel the need to prove anything to anyone.”

When Alex sold his dial-a-gas company he gave his wife the money from the sale. “ I told her, use this to pay Wendy’s [her daughter’s] school fees. She was joining Michigan State University in the States at that time.”

“Kwani how fast did she grow?” I ask.

“My wife had her when she was 19.”

The wife – a HR practitioner – started moving up the ladder, she was moved to different stations in the world; Togo, London, Ghana, Switzerland…Alex says he transited between these cities and Nairobi where he was setting up a real estate businesses.

“You have been together for 7-years, do you plan to have kids?” I ask.

“Well, at some point I wanted a child but she said she was building her career. But then she said sawa and we tried for a baby unfortunately she got several miscarriages. So – frustrated – she told me to get a woman who could get me a baby and bring that baby to her and she would raise it.”

“No way.” I mumble.

“Yeah. She said, and listen to this,  “you have raised my child, now it’s my turn to raise your child, so bring me a baby and I will raise them.”

“Damn! Did you consider it?”

“Well, no, but we hired a womb.” he says.

“Like a surrogate?”

“Exactly.”

They went to the UK for tests etc, found a woman to carry the baby to term and they are due on June 9th-  about 9 days from today.

“Do you know this lady carrying your baby?”

“No,” he says. “Never met her.”

“Has your wife met her?” I ask.

“Never.”

“So how will this work?”

“We will get admitted to the hospital the day the baby is due, she will give birth and walk away. It’s a transaction.”

“How much did that cost you?”

“A little over half a million.”

So here is Alex at the threshold of 50 expecting a baby, “what feeling does that come with? “I ask.

“I’m looking forward to it, we are. I mentioned earlier that milestones have never meant anything to me; things happen when they are meant to happen. I don’t sweat timelines.”

[In a terrible twist of this take, we spoke with Alex on Sunday and he mentioned that they lost the baby. He chokes it down to  God’s will.]

I peek at the time, it’s 3:20pm, Tamms school is out at 3:30pm. I can almost see her sulking in the car because I’m late.

What kind of advice would he give his 30-year old self? I ask Alex.

“I would have told myself to run, because time runs out. Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.

His mom calls his mobile. “ Yes mama….nitakuja…I will come…., just finishing a meeting in the office….how was Moses?….Ehh…sawa…” then he hangs up.

“My mom is 78, widowed and lonely like hell and sickly too.” he explains “ I run her business, I carry her ATM card, she wants me to go pick her up we go withdraw money.”

I ask him what he has learnt about marriage so far?

“Am I a better husband because I married in my 40s? I don’t know. Would I have been a better husband had I married someone else? I don’t know. Is my marriage working because of who we are? I don’t know. Is it fate or destiny? I don’t know. Here is what I know though; if you treat your wife like a lady, with respect and love, she will do virtually anything for you. Anything!  At least that is my experience.”

“That’s a very nice thing to say.”

“Do I do the wrong things? Of course. I can flirt. You saw me flirt there at the restaurant, but that doesn’t mean anything, it’s like building your biceps in the gym, does it mean you want to punch somebody? I’m yet to meet a woman I want to cheat on my wife with. Nobody understands the kind of relationship I have  with her.  People imagine it’s cash, even you picked on that when you asked me if she earns more than I do. I will tell you what, of course her working for these multinationals has exposed me to some luxuries; I mean I’m happy to drive her big V8, but when she changes jobs and the cars are taken away I’m always happy to go back to my pickup. I have no problem with transition because I put little value on things.”

What is your greatest regret at 47, I ask him looking at the time.

“ I’m in real estate. Together with some pals, we have run other businesses like Club Afrique and other biasharas. Currently we are managing this building we are sitting at and other ventures. My regret is that my father never saw my success.”

I ask him what his philosophy on friendship is now at 47, and if it has changed drastically over time as he got older.

“When I used to drink booze I was obsessed with what the next person thought of me, where the next party was and if I was invited and if not why? I was obsessed with pleasing the public…” His phone rings, he cancels the call. “…now it’s about me being happy and being the best I can be. My wife is at the core of my friendships but I also have my friends, some of whom we sometimes make a lot of money with and lose some money with. My philosophy on friendship is be with people who understand you, not people who want you to be something they think you should be.”

I have to run, or Tamms will not speak to me for a year.  Maybe even remove my name from her birth certificate. We say goodbye at the parking lot.

Sitting with Alex The Gasman was like eating a fruit with its skin. He was brazen, self aware, unapologetic and deeply reflective. There is something he said as we said our goodbyes. I asked him who Alex is in a nutshell and he said, “  If I was to give birth to a disabled baby, I would never ask God, ‘why me?’. Because who else is supposed to get that burden? Does it mean the person with a disabled child is less deserving than me?”

Do y0u know anyone in their 40’s who wants to share life’s lessons with me? People who want to TALK and go DEEP ? Email me on biko@bikozulu.co.ke

453 Responses
  • Lilys
    30.05.2017

    Aye!!!!! I have always wanted to be the first to comment here….I made it !!!!

    *Drum Rolls*

    *Bazokizo*

    Back to reading the article.




    92
    • Joseph
      30.05.2017

      Congratulations then…you should definitely win the Nobel prize for this ‘great’ achievement.




      68
      • Lilys
        30.05.2017

        Why do I feel like you wrote that frowning?




        32
        • Chandi
          31.05.2017

          This story was too deep, for a first comment (without reading) to be any form of achievement.




          24
    • Mware
      30.05.2017

      those are the storys you will be telling when you will be in your forties. kwani when do people grow up? just asking??




      17
      • Peterson
        31.07.2017

        Step by step you figure things in ur life…i think when i hear somebody say they went into a situation with everything figured out its a big fat lie…in my fourties i will probably be “Quotable” because i will be through much or dead.




        0
    • Rogue Wolf
      30.05.2017

      Hahaha….you should see the community at some of the online novels I read. There was a time guys used to cause the site to hang and go offline in the eagerness to be the first commenters. The site doesn’t go down anymore, but the fervor to be first is still burning strong. Seeing your comment here made me laugh




      8
    • Eunice
      30.05.2017

      Wow, excellent! Love the honesty. Sorry about the loss of the baby.




      4
    • Jazmine
      30.05.2017

      Beautiful just beautiful..




      3
      • Meg
        31.05.2017

        Amazing! Amazing! Don’t know if its Alex super brains and reasoning and being so overly mature or Bikos beautifull written article or even Bikos behind motive and drive to always inspire us. Biko God bless you. So Sorry for the loss of your baby Alex. You are a blessed man.




        23
    • Jane
      30.05.2017

      I am 19 years old and never have I read a blog that spoke to the younger me like this




      28
      • lotosas
        04.06.2017

        I only wish you whispered more words to the ending … I like what you write it’s like you describe what i seek to define ,only that on my part i simply lack the words… I look forward to your next piece ,am hooked dear




        3
    • Kreemer
      01.06.2017

      Great writing, great story.




      3
    • RAY
      08.09.2017

      but at 47 without achild…what legacy does he leave behind




      0
  • anonymous
    30.05.2017

    new here




    4
    • Njeri
      30.05.2017

      You will love it here.. Keep coming




      6
      • Agwata
        01.06.2017

        Nice




        0
    • Millicent
      31.05.2017

      You may want to dig into the archive.Karibu.




      3
  • Kui 1
    30.05.2017

    Poleni Alex on the loss of baby….. I wish I could do the surrogate mum for you & your wife(if it was up to me alone:))
    Your wife seems brilliant… @Biko,can you interview her next?…..
    True words….’The male ego is not a product on its own existence, it’s a product of our interactions with other males who mislead us’….




    161
    • Muthoni
      30.05.2017

      Yes Biko, please interview his wife. I would love to read a female’s perspective, and how she manages the ‘alpha female’ character especially in the marriage without denting his ego.




      60
    • NO3drug
      30.05.2017

      We can all drop our egos if we find such women…. Those who can make us drive V8s when we own pick ups




      41
      • Kaz
        30.05.2017

        It is the other way round and he said it, be half the man he is with your woman and you’ll get virtually everything from her.




        19
        • Rizzla
          31.05.2017

          He he… Leeching 101 as taught by the one leech that made it…




          3
          • Alex Shipiri
            31.05.2017

            Hi it’s not her v 8. It’s a company owned then if material stuff is your forte so do you…a friend once said you do you…I do me….just like a plane you fly then let others fly…..




            19
      • Mags
        31.05.2017

        I think you drop your ego first and then start attracting such women, not the other way round.




        9
      • Alex Shipiri
        01.06.2017

        Did I mention how I courted her in my jalopy then ……it’s about self awareness ….look at life through different lenses….when she lost her v8 did I bolt haha no she brought her brains to my current project and took it to another level ….remember no one has a monopoly that’s why it’s Bill and malinda if that’s the spelling (gates) Hillary and Bill Clinton …. michell once when out with B O to a Resturant and she stopped to chat a guy and when BO Asked who that was she said she dated him…BO says oh you lucky you married me now your First Lady….you would have been spouse of a Resturant owner…..she says no he would have been president ……




        61
        • Mags
          02.06.2017

          I describe this as “a man about his business” ie a man whose confidence is an internal resource and not archived in an externalized item or experience. When a man’s confidence is internal, it oozes. It’s not ego, it’s not pride. It’s just knowing what defines you and what doesn’t. It’s like the ultimate “je ne sais quoi” #Yum




          5
        • Smoke Buccaneers
          06.06.2017

          Wow. Interesting. And hilarious at the same time.




          0
        • Nimu
          08.06.2017

          Hi Alex,
          I am so sorry for your loss.
          If you would like to try surrogacy again, please feel free to get in touch with me.
          Thank you.




          0
          • Alex Shipiri
            08.06.2017

            Thank you will certainly will




            2
        • Beverly
          12.06.2017

          I also want a date with Alex. He sure has a gas-full of insight!




          0
        • Mo
          14.06.2017

          You and Maria are such an inspiration, Alex. The way you describe your relationship speaks of shared values based on nurturing what matters most – your relationship. You put each other first and that’s everything.




          1
        • Phoebe Mungai
          23.06.2017

          Wow. Alex you are so wise. Am taking notes. God bless you for sharing your life with us. This 40 series is so full of life lessons, keep up the great work Biko




          0
        • Francis Jura
          27.07.2017

          So spot on!




          0
      • KAT
        28.06.2017

        You don’t find such women, you create them….with your love and your respect.




        1
    • Karani @thinkerisaac
      30.05.2017

      Oh yes; please interview the wife as well.




      6
    • Eddy
      30.05.2017

      Biko, this is a good read. The loss part is sad though. I second Kui1 on her suggestion of having you interview Alex’s wife.




      3
  • Emily
    30.05.2017

    It’s true. After all is said and done the most valuable investment is in relationships. I couldn’t agree more. A great introspective conversation.




    17
    • Mike
      01.06.2017

      He said money is not important, however they moved to Morocco because of more money, and the V8 lol.

      Alex might be the one who does not “value money”…..

      But his wife clearly does.

      Otherwise 600k a month would have been enough.




      3
      • Alex Shipiri
        02.06.2017

        40000$ a year school fees for Michigan …..maybe she would pay in her dreams …..




        10
        • Sheillah
          03.06.2017

          Alex you owe no one an explanation. I have seen many European men do the same as you….it doesn’t make men like you less. You are my hero.




          7
          • Mine too! I wish our Kenyan guys can drop this nincompoopery of ego and patriarchy…Bleh!




            4
  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    30.05.2017

    He left his sharas and moved with his wife to Morocco. That part alone makes him a unique man. I think that’s the exact definition of swimming upstream especially in a society where egos have grown bigger than our politician’s lies. My lesson – invest in people. Thanks for this Biko.




    140
    • Anto
      30.05.2017

      you should read between the lines man. it does make him a unique man; it makes him a weak man to give up his sharas to follow the dreams of a woman. a man should have a mission, and that mission should not be his woman…




      18
      • Gilad
        30.05.2017

        Woi! Nice sounding phrase but deeply shallow thinking! This is the ego Alex is talking about. It blindens you to the deeper and happier life this person and his wife seem to be living, and is possible for anyone. Alex’s mission seems to be deeper than ‘just a woman’ but he seems to understand that to live a happy and fulfilled life is not just about his own happiness and dreams fulfilled but that of his wife as well. I suspect his wife would just as readily make sacrifices for him too just as he has for her. Sounds like a happy fulfilled couple too despite not having everything they need. (the baby) They also sound like people who will be happy in whatever circumstances they find themselves in. Thanks for this human story, Biko!




        62
        • fred
          30.05.2017

          Gilad, only in an utopia. The issue is not supporting his wife. The issue is throwing his own pursuits out the window to kiss his wife’s butt. A man should lead. Why would I sell my stuff to follow my wife? Postmodernism view of masculinity, male ego and romance is abhorrent. People should learn from history. The Romans were duped by this same trend – weakness by submission on the part of men. Jeez, patriarchy is at the root of every successful civilization.

          I must however qualify that there is nothing wrong with supporting women. That said, men should never sacrifice their dreams for the woman. It’s not in man’s nature to submit. Just like its not in a woman’s to dominate. Submission is feminine, dominance masculine.

          Alex is just Pussy whipped, which is no surprise given men are the true romantics. Women love conditionally.




          21
          • Doris
            30.05.2017

            On point!




            3
          • Ciru
            30.05.2017

            Lucky for women like Alex’s wife, you will never meet them or date them or Marry them.




            42
          • Patrick
            31.05.2017

            My thoughts exactly,all that story about how he loves his wife and what not,he was kissing the ass that keeps him in existence. He lives under the umbrella of his wife. That a failed fourth




            5
          • Alex Shipiri
            31.05.2017

            well said Fred am sure your happy and yes am pussy whipped …last I checked it’s my life not ours…..you with Alfa ego me with pussy ego…tell your story I told mine




            92
          • Mike
            01.06.2017

            The man sold his soul to the matriarchy. He left his young wife only to later on marry a single mother. Who somehow uproot him and drag him all over the world as she pursued HER career. Its true this is the Liberal post-modernism masculinity. Men with feminist’s set ideals.




            2
          • Suzanne
            01.06.2017

            “Well, I don’t care how I appear. I’m not worried about being embarrassed, it’s my life and I have lived it the way I have seen fit, so if someone doesn’t see it that way then it’s not my problem, it’s theirs.”




            5
          • Alex Shipiri
            02.06.2017

            Patrick kindly understand the fact that I make my own cash and not dependent kindly advise how one would burn 600 k and doesn’t drink and high five Patrick and Fred in pubs…it’s called being the ultimate male ….not wanna be…I realized my dream lives it and guess what am happy I only have petrol bills to pay our daughter is self sustaining …the wife enjoys imparting her skills …I enjoy building and traveling and worshipping God …..if am living a bad life wow … wonder how good looks like… by the way Switzerland is a great country try visiting it




            34
          • Eva
            08.06.2017

            Fred, is a man’s leadership capacity defined by his job? Or his salary? If that is your view them I feel only part for you. That is such a warped and narrow minded view of who a man is it is galling.




            3
          • Sarah
            16.06.2017

            Pulled that shit right out of your rectum. LOL “submission is feminine, dominance masculine”. Backed by approximately zero evidence. Not surprising. Patriarchal pseudo-psychology. Or in plain English, weak shit. Conditioning. Read about it.




            1
      • Awinjo
        30.05.2017

        The man was already living a vision, moving to MOROCCO was part of it.Maybe you are not forty to understand.




        28
        • fred
          30.05.2017

          The guy was neting over 600k. He doesn’t need to supplicate to his wife’s whims to live that dream.

          Reread the story and see behind the veil. Ignorance is bliss perhaps.

          I don’t need to be forty to see things as they are. When you look behind the veil, things are damning. Alex’s story comes out as a man who has rationalized his situation (subpar choices).

          It’s these kind of stories that mislead young men in their 20s




          9
          • Keene
            30.05.2017

            Money is not an object to him, clearly noted if you took the time to understand his point. He is a man driven by a mission bigger than what man can and will ever be able to supplement. In the event that his wife does not have the income she currently has, he would stand by her. It’s best to note that after she left her job at Mumias sugar he was the one who offered her a job. Is that what you consider kissing ass? However, this is a concept, not any shallow mind would understand.




            42
          • STL
            31.05.2017

            Money comes and goes, no matter where you are, and so do people, but not the right person. Most just have that one chance in life to find the right person…he found his right person. 3 Ps in life: Purpose, People, then Profits..The difference? Is which you put first. Call him pussy whipped or whatever you like, its how he prioritised his Ps.




            28
          • Alex Shipiri
            02.06.2017

            Free you sound bitter ….wonder why….but it’s like that part that ever one has…the altar ego is amazing am sure your the kind of guy who was a A student and if you got a b you blamed the examiner…in hindsight God gave man free will…or democracy the right to choose …last I checked I was practically living mine….notice I said invest not pretend ….Biko has left his email I would love to hear your/read your advise ….and I would for your information accept it….it’s called free will




            9
      • Mina T
        30.05.2017

        *Slaps face *




        4
      • Sarah
        30.05.2017

        With such a closed mind you miss the story and its purpose




        8
      • VMW
        31.05.2017

        I think you got it wrong. He already had everything he needed in life, except for a wife. Him following her to her different postings doesn’t mean he was weak or he was making her his mission. It means he knew what he didn’t have in his life and he got up and followed her.




        20
        • Alex Shipiri
          01.06.2017

          Well said people like to define others happens .once during the presidential debate a candidate said …the fact that an wealthy does that negate my rights as a citizen …..after all the cash and trimmings nothing beats a genuine hug……




          11
      • Mags
        31.05.2017

        The whole point of how/why he’s so happy with this life is because he didn’t listen to men like you. He figured out who mattered and surrounded himself with those people. Nyinyi watu hizi fikra didn’t faze him and now, here he is, married to a woman he loves and living a life he’s proud of PLUS running his “sharas” from anywhere across the globe. Also known as “Win-Win”. Endelea tu kukua strong man. We wish you happiness as well. Lol.




        23
      • Alex Shipiri
        31.05.2017

        Hi it’s not her v 8. It’s a company owned then if material stuff is your forte so do you…a friend once said you do you…I do me….just like a plane you fly then let others fly…..




        11
        • Omarion billy
          31.05.2017

          No need to explain a thing its a nice story and the readers who understand it we like it and those who dont perhaps have issues keep it up men I wanna treat my gal like you thanks for the story




          12
      • Meg
        31.05.2017

        It’s your problem if you see him that way. That’s what he saw fit living his life. It’s his life. And he isn’t embarrassed… Live your’s as you please. But some of you have a very long way in discovering what’s the difference between ego and confidence.




        5
      • Caroline M
        31.05.2017

        And you forgot the bit he said he is still making his own money. 600k per month is a lot of money in this our Kenya whether le wife earns more or not. He is not a weak man, you are for thinking that a mission based on following his happiness; which we all seak isn’t a mission




        8
      • Mike
        01.06.2017

        THANK YOU…. So many people on here got their emotions stroked and been blinded, they all like “aaawwwwwww,.. so cute romantic and how brave of him”… but when you sit back, step outside the box and look again…. you gonna see this man is weak, a simp and a cuck.




        0
        • Alex Shipiri
          02.06.2017

          Mike I agree totally .Have you ever asked yourself ….why….every one has a story this happens to be mine…no appologies ……young men need to be taught value …virtue and women like them need love…you can guide build and love in one breath ….but I guess that’s another level it’s called self actualization …..wonder why it’s so difficult to say hey there that’s a great opportunity ….let’s assume your Daugter is sharper than your son …and goes up to become a Dr and falls in love with the guy next door ….. she gets an opportunity to venture yonder with a 7figure salary but the guy says no…..his not going ….she opts to stay with a dead end job and her family needs the cash….hmmmm




          7
          • Alex Shipiri
            02.06.2017

            A King with a defect in one eye and in one leg asked all the painters to draw a beautiful portrait of him_But no one was ready to draw, as how to show him beautiful with a defect in one eye and a defectin a leg_One painter however agreed and drew a classic one…! It was such a FANTASTIC painting that everyone was surprised…!__He painted the King aiming for a deer in a hunt,__targeting with one eye closed & a leg bent for it…!__Why can’t we all paint others like this, “hiding their weakness” & “highlighting their strengths”…???__May we learn to hide other’s weakness & bring their virtues to light_For in Our weakness the grace of God is made sufficient.




            22
      • Sly Ngari
        01.06.2017

        This is what I call warped reasoning. When will you get over the whole idea that men are superior? The male ego that gets fed to guys in the bars is clearly manifest in your words.




        3
      • Francis Jura
        27.07.2017

        Women give up on their dreams all the time to be with the husbands, are they any less human on account of those acts?

        Am here seriously considering taking the same route, leaving the Country …….. It takes a brave man to follow his wife to a foreign Country and start all over again!




        0
  • Angela Darcy
    30.05.2017

    What a beautiful read! I truly understand him. Good work Biko.. That was creative..




    4
  • Loise
    30.05.2017

    Place value on people not money, a good lesson but you need to identify the people, like Alex did… Great read




    17
  • Karyah Margaret
    30.05.2017

    “The male ego is not a product on its own existence, it’s a product of our interactions with other males who mislead us”.
    Alex is on another level, living more with less. He appreciates everything. Whatever you give to the universe, is what it gives you back.
    It’s so sad that he lost the baby, what have read, he would make a great father.




    29
  • Debz
    30.05.2017

    Thats deep. Live your life by your rules.. you will be happier.




    9
  • Hadi
    30.05.2017

    For a couple of weeks I’ve found the articles here pretty blaaah and bland. This one here restored my faith. Good read




    25
    • Charles Kagana
      30.05.2017

      Why not just say ‘Good read’ and leave out the negative comments? You are just the kind no one wants to marry.




      32
      • Esther
        30.05.2017

        LOL Hadi’s comment is criticism. Yours on the other hand, dear Charles Kagana, is negative.




        23
      • Njeri
        30.05.2017

        Charles, LOL! You are irony redefined. You just told Hadi off for being negative, then added that no one want’s to marry him/her. That’s negative too – would you not say?




        7
      • Hadi
        31.05.2017

        To quote Muhammad the Prophet, “In this world take pity on three kinds of people. The rich man who has lost his fortune, the well-respected man who has lost his respectability, and the wise man who is surrounded by ignorants”. I suggest you, Charles Kagana, google the meaning of constructive criticism. It might dispel some ignorance.




        5
    • Wangechi
      30.05.2017

      Me too….first article I have managed to read through in a very long time




      12
  • ogetodoc
    30.05.2017

    this is so real as a man in everyday life
    I cant wait to get there in 15years and look back and reflect
    A GREAT READ




    3
    • Japhet bett
      01.06.2017

      Nice read,never thought love can happen from this angle.. Alex shipiri I had to go to Facebook to put a face to this story ; totally loved the honesty.




      2
  • Kris
    30.05.2017

    Alex sounds like a thoroughly solid bloke, great read Sir




    11
  • Ngwili
    30.05.2017

    A story with a lot of insight as we grow old.




    3
  • Lily
    30.05.2017

    Now this is to my 40 year self in a couple of years. Interesting read as always.




    3
  • Joseph
    30.05.2017

    Men in bars behave like ladies in salons…Am beginning my 20s so I guess this lessons do apply to me.




    14
  • Reen
    30.05.2017

    Wow !




    1
  • Zita
    30.05.2017

    Awesome read… Looking forward to more!




    1
  • Mumbi
    30.05.2017

    “My decisions were and have always been between my wife and I, not between me, my wife and my friends in the bar.”…this is wisdom that will only come with age. This is the best post yet.




    39
  • Riri
    30.05.2017

    Meeeeeeen!!!! Biko!!! There is something about older confident people ….. They resuscitate you when you are on your way to a world of ….




    10
  • nancy
    30.05.2017

    invest in people…now that’s something everyone should do




    6
  • ““Well, I don’t care how I appear. I’m not worried about being embarrassed, it’s my life and I have lived it the way I have seen fit, so if someone doesn’t see it that way then it’s not my problem, it’s theirs.”
    So many nuggets of wisdom in this post. Just brilliant. This is what going into the fourth floor does to you. It makes you focus on what is really important, you learn not to sweat out the small stuff. Looking forward to more stories!




    41
  • Faynosh
    30.05.2017

    Wow, I have never read something so inspiring! I loved everything Alex said. Now that is a true man! Guys should follow his example.




    9
  • Patrick
    30.05.2017

    Waah!

    That’s really deep. Its time I cherished the people around me. Thanks for the article




    4
  • Wamuyu
    30.05.2017

    Awesome read. Alex is a rare breed – self assured African man with nothing to prove. Me likee




    14
  • Teryl
    30.05.2017

    This is a must read for every Kenyan man.Alex is just deep




    8
  • Wachu
    30.05.2017

    WOW. Just Wow.




    0
  • Metumi
    30.05.2017

    The male ego is not a product on its own existence, it’s a product of our interactions with other males




    7
  • Patrick
    30.05.2017

    I wouldn’t want to be that man,maybe am very traditional. Well,I wouldn’t close my thriving business so I can tug on my wife’s dress to God-knows-where,I can’t hold on having my own toi’s as she builds her career and I raise and educate hers. Maybe this is as a product of my bar friends, but I love my occasional drink. But as he said,its my problem.




    21
    • one
      30.05.2017

      Great, glad to see someone who sees past the romanticism that’s being subtly horned hear. I can relate to the Alex who talked about owning the table. The latter is someone I would despise being. When you isolate yourself from your friends, you literally bind your fate to the whims of your wife, and the pitfalls thereof. A man ought to be his own mental point of origin.




      9
      • Njeri
        30.05.2017

        One, why not at least consider that Alex has had different experience from yours? And that this path he has chosen worked great for him? There doesn’t seem to be any pitfalls in his wife, at least not by his own account.




        6
        • one
          30.05.2017

          Grace, i agree that he had had a different start, or he would be telling a different story. But only to an extent. How long before the good lady realizes that she’s married ‘beneath’ her class? If the piles of human psychology I have examined and the dozens of real life experiences I have observed are anything to go by, Alex’s experience is an exception and not the rule.

          Woman like a man who they can look upto or in the least who seem to have his own thing going on – like a mission. And that’s why you hear ‘women date and marry up’. So it’s not wrong for the woman of the house to earn more, what is wrong is for Alex to forego his dreams to support his wife’s. If anything he should broaden his while supporting his wife’s. Now that would a man with no worry in the world.

          I bet he has his head spinning what happen should the ticking time bomb this is goes. Don’t drive your wife’s V8, hustle and get one for yourself – or atleast don’t say how you enjoy driving it. Now that’s the way of men.

          Finally, he should learn to stop conflating men’s company as toxic. Thus damn for a man who clearly had so much figured out earlier in the story.




          5
          • Awinjo
            30.05.2017

            Since we are here to learn. One of the observations is that the guy was making 300K a month before the lady.

            She quit her job and he became the boss before better opportunities arose.




            7
          • Patrick
            30.05.2017

            My thoughts exactly,this cake is gonna crumble some day,and when it will,it will dawn on him that he built his wife to his expense and he got nothing to his ego. I will never be this man for any romance in the world




            3
          • Linda
            30.05.2017

            These are the societal constructs we inherit that destroy perfectly good, human relationships. This man is his own man, living a real life, his life, rather than living up to some story of how he should live his life.




            13
          • Steve
            02.06.2017

            It’s called hypergamy .Women fuck upwards whether people here like it or not . Alex doesn’t come as an intellect if his interactions here are anything to go by .I’d be interested to know if she goes with him to those high society cocktails that expats are wont




            1
          • Alex Shipiri
            02.06.2017

            Am no interllectual am whipped you forget …..




            0
      • Awinjo
        30.05.2017

        Don’t you think that you missed the point simply because your judgement is clouded with one perspective?

        Going with his wife does not necessarily mean that he left his friends.The whole story is about friendship and what role you allow them to play in your life.




        9
        • one
          30.05.2017

          Umh, I got the story just fine. And i was not referring to that particular part
          . I was referring to this
          “Men sit and high-five each other and feed into each others’ egos. I saw a friend’s marriage dissolve because of ego. Men telling other men that they are henpecked by their wives; ‘how are you left to take care of the baby? How dare she tell you what to do? Put your foot down!’”

          The assumption here is that men go out of their way to subotage each other marriages. Women will never know the pains that men will go through to keep their marriages intact; inspite of all the clues. And mind you, some of the advice referenced here is actually point on. Housekeeping is a woman jobs. Leading (not dictating) is a man role.




          4
          • Mina T
            30.05.2017

            Come on, we’re in a new era….
            ‘Housekeeping’…very limiting to the female abilities, don’t you think?




            4
          • Njeri
            30.05.2017

            One, you can only speak authoritatively about your own experience and expectations. To predict that Alex’s marriage will break is going to far.




            7
          • Blank
            31.05.2017

            And women don’t go through those pains?? Times have changed..
            you don’t even have to go to bars even in a matatu you’ll hear men gossiping..
            Let the man live as he pleases following his wife and all




            1
          • JustSaying
            31.05.2017

            Now thaaat’s hilarious to me. ‘ House keeping is a woman’s job and leading is a man’s role’
            Vagina’s do not come pre-installed with the ability to “keep” households. These are learned skills that every functioning human being should have in order to survive.

            You have made a lot of similar comments on here… calling Alex’s ways wrong and whatnot, and it really makes me wonder… because all these things you’ve mentioned are social constructs about gender that were created by human beings… which suggests that one can choose to create whatever life they want to live because these are all ideas at the end of the day.
            So how can you then say that he is ‘wrong’ for uprooting his life etc? Who gave you that power?
            Live and let live.




            16
          • Wanjjiku
            31.05.2017

            One, did you just say house keeping is a womans job? Are women born with a housekeeping and cooking gene? So why are there so many male Chefs?

            Secondly a baby is born with both parents genes, why should it be a big deal for a father to care for their flesh and blood.

            Alex didn’t sell his biashara to sit and bum while his wife toiled away, read the article again, he said he kept busy as he was still working, quick reminder in the age of internet you can work from anywhere.




            4
          • Veroh
            31.05.2017

            “Housekeeping is a woman’s job?” This is the beginning of all your wrong assumptions.




            2
          • Alex Shipiri
            01.06.2017

            I smile and often wonder why it’s so difficult to introspect, a friend new parents had a new borne son and the baby was crying and the dad rushed the kid to the mum and asked what should we do… the mum retorted …am new at this too….life lesson don’t be to quick to. Stereo type….another friend his daughter cries daddy…..and yes both are wealthy persons with stay at home wives….we fear to look into the mirror and ask self difficult questions…..my answer choose your lane reach out your hand to lift your spouse or friend up….not strike them down ……my thoughts




            6
          • Bai
            01.06.2017

            Can’t a man lead when his wife is earning more than him?




            4
          • Alex Shipiri
            02.06.2017

            Interesting the interllectuals are rattled like the last statement that a woman’s role is house keeping etc ….you took the statement literally …I stop hating. Just be real stop hypocrisy ….judging all over sudden am not interlllectual …sad all I did was love a person the way I know how…. maybe am a simpleton all I did was to state a fact then all guns blazingWhat happens to society where polyandry is practiced ….according to almighty Steve and one the men there are whopped.Simply put send an email to Biko say your egoist story and let people critic it…. for me I love to love and am not embarrassed or change my way because of interllectual Steve or one….people like that should mentor Boys instead of attacking people with set beliefs(myopic) I may add….I love me and I enjoy my life as it’s currently constituted my friends too…just love your woman period




            1
      • Mo
        31.05.2017

        He only isolated his bar friends and looked for better friends! Only when a man/woman knows how to discern friendships does he exploit his purpose in life !




        7
        • one
          31.05.2017

          Just saying, gender roles are not just social constructs. They a manifestation of something more profound. Masculinity and femininity are part of the yin and yang. There’s a reason men have more testosterone and women more oestrogen. But more specifically women have strikingly low levels of testosterone.

          Nature confers dominance to masculinity and submissiveness to femininity. The problem in our age is that academics conflate these opposites with ‘male undermining female’, which is skin-deep. For a society to stand, male and female cannot be equal. Again study history, and see what happened to the Romans when they toyed with the lie that man ans women are equal and that gender roles were mere social constructs.

          But you probably don’t have to go that far, check our western societies. Average divorce rate is 53%, 90%+ of which are initiated by women. Women who are drunk with the hubris of equality and ‘male patriarchy’.




          1
          • Natasha Muhindi
            03.06.2017

            @ one
            Question,
            Is the mind male or female?




            0
          • ED
            08.07.2017

            Dude, male and female are equal. They are just not similar. Ying and Yang, to use your own words. Equal and opposing forces that should complement each other, otherwise there is no balance. Things do not have to be similar to be equal. A kilo of oranges and a kilo of bananas are equal – just different. Stop with the male is better / worth more than female thinking. It’s very passé.

            Women – and men – leave marriages that make them unhappy, not to prove a point about women’s equality. No one makes such heart-breaking decisions thinking “yeah, let me stick it to the patriarchy!” A low divorce rate in a given area / community is not an indicator of happiness with the institution of marriage – or indeed, of people abiding by the ‘correct’ gender roles. It’s more likely an indicator of how difficult it is to dissolve such a union, or of prevailing circumstances that make it uncomfortable for the people involved to start over on their own. And as a woman many have described as “domineering”, I laugh in the face of that ‘nature confers dominance to masculinity’ story. Hilarious stuff. Human behaviour simply isn’t that clichéd. There are always exceptions.

            Leading is a function of brain power and clear vision, not of dangly bits and testosterone. If it was, no man in history would ever have made a stupid decision, and no woman would ever have made any smart choices, but you know that isn’t the case, so down goes that point.

            Alex is living his dream. Not gender constructs, not what a man ‘should’ do, *his* dream. One that clearly boggles your mind, so stop trying to shoot it down. Accept the difference in opinion and his right to choose his own path to happiness, find your own role models, live your testosterone-fueled dream, then come back here and tell us about it.




            0
      • Alex Shipiri
        31.05.2017

        Well last I checked show me your friends and that speaks volumes of your person ….when your obsessed with what your pal does try hospital let’s see how many will clean your soiled sheets and sleep with your kid when sick….when curtains close your accountable not us guys…. but in every pack there is the Alfa male ….wonder if there others males there too….




        8
        • Njeri
          31.05.2017

          The Real Alex Shipiri? Big up!




          1
        • one
          31.05.2017

          Alex sounds like someone who used to be an Alpha, when he talked about owning the table. The latter version of him is more a Beta male. Alpha hardly ever give up control. They retain their dominance. This one sounds like he is swinging by his wife’s skirts. Sad.

          I’m all for being supportive, but never through self deprecation.




          2
          • Alex Shipiri
            02.06.2017

            One you can’t even write your name…..I still own the table ….my table with my queen seated instead of my pal and enjoying my ride so much I have no regrets leaving your kind behind the pub and engaging at a different levels…not the egoist crap that you postulate ….I discovered myself and guess what I like me…..and more over I stare in the mirror and I like me…I suggest you like you and last I checked I was happy dancing and whistling in the rain..,,,




            3
    • Mina T
      30.05.2017

      But you would expect your wife to do the same?
      And don’t say no because it’ll be a lie.




      2
      • one
        30.05.2017

        Mina, pardon por favor. What?




        0
    • Kui
      08.06.2017

      My kind of man. The alpha male




      0
  • christine
    30.05.2017

    “Well, I don’t care how I appear. I’m not worried about being embarrassed, it’s my life and I have lived it the way I have seen fit, so if someone doesn’t see it that way then it’s not my problem, it’s theirs.”
    He was brazen, self aware, unapologetic and deeply reflective.
    These stopped me in my tracks especially how self aware of himself he is. Amazing article and insightful




    6
  • Paula
    30.05.2017

    “I’m yet to meet a woman I want to cheat on my wife with” WoW!




    24
    • Lydia
      30.05.2017

      Exactly Paula. WOW!




      4
  • Grace
    30.05.2017

    This is powerful…. My goal in life is to be as self assured as Alex the Gas man… I’m working on it…




    5
  • Dan
    30.05.2017

    Deeeeep…. So deep. I have to read a second and a third time.




    8
  • Claudia
    30.05.2017

    Beautiful piece. Eye opener too. Thanks Alex the gas man




    2
  • Anonymous
    30.05.2017

    Maria is my relative…an amazing woman without limits! I have known Alex for many years (actually, I thought I knew him until I read this) and all I can say is that they are both keeping it real. I am currently in my early 40s and divorced…this story has surely give me hope.




    18
    • Njeri
      30.05.2017

      There is hope – always. Even after divorce.




      6
  • Lydia
    30.05.2017

    WOW!




    1
  • Rael
    30.05.2017

    This truth right here … wow! Here is what I know though; if you treat your wife like a lady, with respect and love, she will do virtually anything for you. Anything! At least that is my experience.”
    http://www.shesatomboy.com




    6
  • jcee
    30.05.2017

    So deep so deep…….I mentioned earlier that milestones have never meant anything to me; things happen when they are meant to happen. I don’t sweat timelines.” …..i want to be this guy! Time runs out. Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase……..two lines that have stood out for me!




    15
  • Naomi
    30.05.2017

    I love his confidence. Sounds like a real gentleman. He’s a man who understands the difference between ego and confidence, a thing that most men don’t. What I’ve derived from this; live your life as you see fit; never conform to societal expectations.
    Sorry for your loss, Alex.




    14
  • Liz
    30.05.2017

    Wow, brazen interview. I look forward to more of such.




    2
  • Qui
    30.05.2017

    Amazing read!!

    Sorry about the baby..




    0
  • The House of Tales
    30.05.2017

    WOW.




    0
  • Maxx
    30.05.2017

    Everyone has a story, what strikes me about the Gasman is that unlike most people, he has embraced his and this makes him authentic. People are unconsciously attracted to this, but they find it really hard to open up. Keep the stories coming especially the life stories, who wouldn’t appreciate to learn from other peoples experiences? Kudos




    9
  • Tesh
    30.05.2017

    A man who knows his worth. That BS ego that men feed and idolize is just a reflection of their insecurities. Liberated is my description of Alex. Nice read as always Biko. Thanks!




    11
  • Miriam
    30.05.2017

    My goodness! The unexpectedness and relevance …




    2
  • Anyes
    30.05.2017

    I still feel that a tad bit of him accepted to move with the wife for the money,,, however, the most important thing he said, and which men don’t and should know is “If you treat your wife like a lady, with respect and love, she will do virtually anything for you.” Word!




    3
    • Alex Shipiri
      31.05.2017

      when we wash our hands we are able to seat on the table of Gents … have you asked why…is it at the expense of a relationship …. maybe I have never been to Morocco ….have you been….learn to love….the worst that can happen is a broken heart …. dust your self get up and move on …. stick to your lane with no appologies …. I have non and truly …as for you if money is your guide seek it……am held by different Stardards …. mine…. once I took a matatu from my home to town and took a selfie and posted it on FB I received bashing on how broke I had become ….etc….. later I posted a pic of me in biz class flying to Europe….. there was no comment I am confortable in my lane… that’s the moral….




      11
  • Jack
    30.05.2017

    Nice story Mr Biko. Well told.
    Pole to Alex the gas Man.




    0
  • Mso
    30.05.2017

    I’m yet to meet a woman I want to cheat on my wife with…………is he looking 😉 Great insights Alex




    7
  • Lydia
    30.05.2017

    Once a man figures how to love his wife,he is sorted for life.My best line ” I don’t sweat timelines.”




    9
  • Philip
    30.05.2017

    Woooow wooow wooow,nice piece…..deep

    “Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.”




    6
  • Carol
    30.05.2017

    Inspiring! Wisdom happens as you grow older. Looking forward to my big 4-0 next year




    3
  • Wuod-ma
    30.05.2017

    so worthwhile..




    0
  • Mish...
    30.05.2017

    “I mentioned earlier that milestones have never meant anything to me; things happen when they are meant to happen. I don’t sweat timelines.”
    Much appreciation for this. You can never force things to happen until the meant time.




    5
  • John
    30.05.2017

    Nice read




    0
  • Alí Aswan
    30.05.2017

    Deep,has lots to teach we the young generation,it’s all on us and the relationships we build that will define us at the end.




    0
  • NN
    30.05.2017

    I am truly sorry about the baby Alex. That part broke my heart!

    The amount of confidence and self- awareness Alex has is very much admirable.In our current times, very few men comprehend the difference between ego and confidence. Everyone wants to please the societal norms.

    And a man who talks so well about his wife is just God Given. She is one lucky woman and you are equally one lucky man.

    Biko – This is so real. So deep! Good job!




    14
  • F W
    30.05.2017

    Deep just as I like and as always beautifully packed.




    0
  • Switch
    30.05.2017

    Man! Things keep getting hotter in here.
    State of the art piece of write.
    But that Alex chap should not discredit drunks.Disabled or drunk, aint both more or less a deuce?




    0
    • Ronald
      30.05.2017

      Drunks have no credit in the first place to be discredited
      *hides*




      13
      • Kinns
        30.05.2017

        Hahahaaa… Stop discrediting men of tipple




        1
  • Kate
    30.05.2017

    That’s the beauty of growing old.the privilege of it.coming Into your own and knowing more and more of who you are and what matters. that’s a rare man.his wife is very lucky.




    3
  • gathoni
    30.05.2017

    I feel as if Biko’s jaw was dropping along with Alex’s answers, for some reason. 🙂




    12
  • Wanjiku
    30.05.2017

    Wooooh…..now that is a man full of wisdom. Wish we had more men like these…we would see less troubles in the world.




    3
    • Rob
      31.05.2017

      It’s s good that you accept male as a leader and as an equal. Things can move smoothly




      0
  • Egesa
    30.05.2017

    Deep stuff…especially for us in our 20s.




    3
    • Monuel
      31.05.2017

      When you have the right type of woman it’s ok to be an “Alex”




      2
      • Gilad
        31.05.2017

        Why not be the right kind of guy on your own first? Why wait for a woman to make you the right kind of person? You are who you are and who you have chosen to be on your own. A woman is just an excuse to blame if you are not a good man.




        2
  • Violet
    30.05.2017

    Not apologetic to have read this while I have pile of work waiting to be completed on my desk.




    7
  • Ronald
    30.05.2017

    Lots of wisdom and great comments above but can I please be petty? Just one petty outlier comment woiyee
    You see, the guy who wanted to cuddle with your words imagined your words describing him as “He has on a brown coat and brown shoes and what looks like a new haircut. He has a golden ring and a chunky silver chain on his right hand. He’s a tall bulky man with self confidence sticking out of his pores.”
    I’m still pleading for his case.

    Nice read anyway, as always.




    7
  • Githinji Mwaniki
    30.05.2017

    I like Alex




    5
  • graceN
    30.05.2017

    Wow..that was very deep..straight from the heart.




    1
  • Moses
    30.05.2017

    Biko!




    0
  • Ythera
    30.05.2017

    I am inspired by people who do not care what the world thinks of them. In the end, it’s “my story,” not “our story.” I’m just sorry the baby didn’t make it here.




    5
  • Vanessa
    30.05.2017

    It’s all in the attitude.
    It’s because of people like Alex that my hope in humanity especially the male species, is restored.
    My condolences for the lost baby.

    Great read Biko.Truly excellent.




    9
  • Mwangi Muthee
    30.05.2017

    Alex always looks at life positively. I pray each day to have such an attitude.




    1
  • morris
    30.05.2017

    Arf arf arf!




    0
  • andy
    30.05.2017

    Jeez !!! I wish all men or half of their population can share their story? Loads of lessons there, Kudos to Alex that’s Sacrificial Leadership,….. Biko do have an elderly dad 65+ who will be willing to share his story.

    Kind regards




    7
  • Natasha Muhindi
    30.05.2017

    I am in my 20’s so worried about life. I have fallen sick simply cause ‘the unknown’ is too much for me to handle. Reading this story is like a breath of fresh air in my airtight worries. I thank God for small mercies like this piece. The ability to see life in a different spectrum.




    18
    • Dee
      30.05.2017

      I agree tasha for such a time like this… Its a such a timely piece




      1
      • Ireneann
        03.06.2017

        This reminds me of a sermon series we have been having,For such a time as this.




        0
    • Njeri
      30.05.2017

      Natasha – breathe in and out. You are going to be alright! I can say that – being 48. I recall my uncertain worry-filled 20s. Someone said (and it is true) that 85% of stuff we worry about will never happen. 15% is stuff you have no control over, so no need to worry. And the 5% that you need to worry about and that will happen is actually never that negative! You will do great. Just focus on what you can do today.




      15
      • Natasha Muhindi
        30.05.2017

        @Njeri, thank you




        1
  • Wanja M
    30.05.2017

    WOW!!!




    0
  • Giluih
    30.05.2017

    if i can date and marry such a guy, i will do anything for him! the male ego is BS! brilliant piece!




    3
  • HildahDidah
    30.05.2017

    So much to learn from the wise Alex, clearly not just the gas man. I wonder what kind of lady;woman, earns this type of man.




    0
  • Biegon
    30.05.2017

    Beautiful read. I’m 24 and halfway there, I feel I could learn alot from this. Invest? yes but more in people.




    1
  • Mark
    30.05.2017

    Ni kama drama. Ni kama video.

    Alex has a lot of insight. We are fortunate to hear his story and learn from it.

    ION, I shall let Ego only be a song by Beyonce.

    https://thispostisabout.wordpress.com




    12
  • James
    30.05.2017

    Quite an inspiring story that invokes personal soul searching on what life is all about. Personal pick, we will never have all the answers we would want to have for the many questions that pop up everyday but life is more rewarding if spent with people who appreciate you for who you are. Thanks Biko for the story.




    8
  • Kajura
    30.05.2017

    Biko, now this is writing with a purpose. I have been struggling reading your articles and hoped that you will redeem yourself. This just like the interviews on BD is your most impactful work.




    3
  • Merci Jowi
    30.05.2017

    I would quote every bit of this. Deep and reflective. I think this is a winner in all your interviews I have read Biko. Alex is a rare breed.




    4
  • Wakweika Felix
    30.05.2017

    I enjoyed reading this. I long for those days when all that’ll honestly care about is me first. This is an exciting series, can’t wait for the next post! Keep it going Biko!




    0
  • nimo
    30.05.2017

    Two pea’s in a pod… Gas Man and his wife! Lucky they found each other. My learning-Marry right!

    My favorite lines

    “things happen when they are meant to happen. I don’t sweat timelines.”

    “Here is what I know though; if you treat your wife like a lady, with respect and love, she will do virtually anything for you. Anything! ”

    good read




    4
  • Waithira
    30.05.2017

    My take home
    What kind of advice would he give his 30-year old self? I ask Alex.

    “I would have told myself to run, because time runs out. Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.




    3
  • Aly
    30.05.2017

    Hats off* that was a perfect piece




    1
  • PK
    30.05.2017

    Deep stuff. This Alex guy has figured it out. Wish he could mentor men of our times.




    4
  • Charles Kagana
    30.05.2017

    It is not my kind of life – I never would find happiness or contentment following my wife around, driving her cars, living her life, going for a shave knowing that I cannot have a double afterwards… It would kill me, but then, to each his own.




    5
    • Anto
      30.05.2017

      i share your sentiments man.




      0
    • Lydia
      31.05.2017

      You have the wrong wife.




      1
      • A1
        02.06.2017

        I feel sad for you. So quick to blame his wife. Surely the problem could be with him or both of them!




        0
        • LILIAN
          05.06.2017

          Or perhaps there is no problem and their equilibrium is perfect for them.




          1
    • Redempta
      01.06.2017

      He can have a double if he wished. His businesses are thriving. Woman look for such confident men, who know they are men irrespective of what they earn.




      0
    • Kui
      08.06.2017

      You are my kind of man Charles. I love the alpha male. You were made to be the leader.




      0
  • Wairimu Wa Chege
    30.05.2017

    I would have tagged someone here, but for the sake of peace, let me just say this is a real man!I just love every bit of his 47 year experience!The regret, wow!He has lived! Eye-opener indeed!Lesson:what they think about you doesn’t matter!This is my life in a sentence!




    5
    • Anto
      30.05.2017

      Just as men cannot relate to the experience of being a woman, i do not think a lady should tell us what being a real man entails…




      3
      • Mina T
        30.05.2017

        Because you’re gonna marry a man?!




        1
      • Kui
        08.06.2017

        Totally agree with you




        0
    • one
      30.05.2017

      A real man?? How would a woman kno what being a man is about? Leave alone what a real man is. If everything I have had is true, women struggle with the idea of being a real woman is. So when a woman ignorantly shoves the words a ‘real man’, I find that abhorrent. It’s hubris.




      2
      • Njeri
        31.05.2017

        Actually, only a woman can tell what being a real man is. Light is only recognized the extent that darkness exists…and vice versa.




        4
        • one
          31.05.2017

          Solipsism in action … Njeri, you are using false equivalence. And it’s even a gross oversimplification that light is considered in the context of darkness. Women have no clue about what being a real man is like. And that’s why single moms raise effeminate sons that have no clue about masculinity. Unless of course they expose their sons to father figures e.g a masculine grandpa, uncle, or a stepdad. The same extends to daughters. Women want to marry the best versions of their fathers; and it helps when they have a strong father figure … e.g one who doesn’t not swing by his wife’s skirts (Alex).

          To sum up, it has been said that a man will mold a woman into someone he loves. A woman will however, mold a man into something she despises, sooner or later.




          2
          • wattuman
            09.06.2017

            Solipsism? Really?! i see what you did there, One. castigating Njeri for engaging in solipsism, while you’re the solipsist. look up what solipsism means vis-a-vis your laments in regard to Alex’s story. I must recommend you for your sophism, detectable only by those who see through your hubristic arguments.




            1
  • Njoks
    30.05.2017

    This is so deep and lovely stuff.




    0
  • rose
    30.05.2017

    “The male ego is not a product on its own existence, it’s a product of our interactions with other males who mislead us” well said




    4
    • Anto
      30.05.2017

      how can one be a man, if he does not associate with them? the definition of masculinity is much flawed in the present generation




      2
      • Monopoly
        30.05.2017

        He did not say he does not associate with all men, just not in the bars, and not with alcohol. He does have male friends. Selective reading.




        9
  • Githogori
    30.05.2017

    Deep




    0
  • Tony
    30.05.2017

    Alex is well, inspirational. On a flip chart, Biko am at that Mark in less than 15 years. Can we write in future Continuous tense?




    0
    • Susan
      30.05.2017

      Lol!




      0
  • abdullah omar
    30.05.2017

    surrogate motherhood?




    0
  • Nellius Mbugua
    30.05.2017

    Such a beautiful read. Thank you for the insight.




    0
  • Almasi
    30.05.2017

    Ati hope into the plane to join my wife abroad as an Expat husband? Mmmmhh…




    1
  • Narisha Kenei
    30.05.2017

    “If I was to give birth to a disabled baby, I would never ask God, ‘why me?’. Because who else is supposed to get that burden? Does it mean the person with a disabled child is less deserving than me?”
    I have one, i have been asking this question for the last few years, the article has surely given me a reason not to ask again, not anymore for i think i am actually privileged that God trusted me to take good care of one. Alex, you are the real man, i wish i were you
    Biko, i offered to tell my story about raising a challenged kid, did you consider my email i sent you a while ago?




    26
    • bikozulu
      30.05.2017

      I haven’t received it. Some fall through the cracks. Please email biko@bikozulu.co.ke Danke.




      3
      • Narisha Kenei
        31.05.2017

        Biko,

        I have sent you a skeleton, lets engage

        regards,




        1
    • Mercieh
      30.05.2017

      Enjoy your blessing Narisha and may God supply to all your needs that you may never lack




      4
      • Narisha Kenei
        31.05.2017

        Thank you




        0
  • Cynthia Walubengo
    30.05.2017

    I happen to know Maria, she used to work with mama back in Mumias. She is that and more.
    Great Read as always!




    1
  • Anne
    30.05.2017

    This is the best piece I have read this year. Alex oozes brilliance..wow




    3
  • Jane
    30.05.2017

    Very very deep. I like Alex…this man




    0
  • Susan
    30.05.2017

    I am so loving this 40’s People segment! What a start! Candid conversation, Amazing read!

    The other day I was left out of some training and I was like “Why me”! but then out of the blues I asked myself who among the persons chosen was less deserving, and the matter rested.

    “If you keep friends who are confident on who they are, you will never feel the need to prove anything to anyone.” I couldn’t agree more with Alex on this.




    3
    • Wangari Muriithi
      07.06.2017

      Susan that is really putting yourself in another’s shoes. No one indeed is less deserving. I like that. I really like that.
      In addition to Biko’s posts,it’s comments like these that bring me here.
      Now let me continue reading the comments.
      BTW great post Biko. I see you found your mojo or is it Mbuju. Now let’s see if your next forty something interview is going to work up storm like this did.
      Alex and Maria continue living your lives as you best know how.




      0
  • Jetoloxd
    30.05.2017

    Still hitting the bar later like i didn’t read this .




    7
  • Sophie
    30.05.2017

    Captivating read. Heartbroken about the baby. Am I the only one who Googled Alex and his wife?




    2
    • nimo
      31.05.2017

      Nope that makes two of us…. Stalker alert!




      0
  • Lydia
    30.05.2017

    Very insightful piece…Love the confidence Alex the gas man…guess it comes with maturity..




    2
  • Mwangi
    30.05.2017

    Am i the only one who wishes the meeting would have been little bit longer?…that’s a fresh way of looking at life..




    10
    • Erick Wabwire
      30.05.2017

      Yeah, I second that. Maybe, Biko should do another interview with this guy. It feels like he has more to share




      3
  • Patrick Thuo
    30.05.2017

    It bleeds my heart wondering if and when the jerk in me will get there. To drive her V8 but still shift back to the whatever lower class that is not corporate owned. To uproot and leave the (lets just say the county).

    Main Insight though: Raise your kids right, they will (probably) be great at 47




    17
    • Malaika
      30.05.2017

      I heart it just for the last sentence…




      2
  • Kate Ng'ang'a
    30.05.2017

    Great piece!
    So sorry for their loss
    “Invest yes…but invest more in people and relationships” powerful words




    2
  • Nancy
    30.05.2017

    Today, i have been left speechless.This is a read on another level.
    All my love to Alex and His wife.




    3
  • paul
    30.05.2017

    Insightful. Alex knows what really matters in life..the relationships.




    1
  • Lauryn
    30.05.2017

    Lovely lessons there…. Sorry to Alex the gas man for losing the baby, I can imagine the pain




    0
  • Oyite Ojok
    30.05.2017

    What Alex the Gazman has shared is worth more than all education I have received in my life. Very deep tho




    5
  • Raha
    30.05.2017

    True words….’The male ego is not a product on its own existence, it’s a product of our interactions with other males who mislead us’….
    Saturday, walking back home came across 2 of my bros and a friend in a bar. Ordered soda, they were on beers. 30 min later big bro is like
    ‘oya, baadaye acha nikaangalie wife na watoto’
    Friend: umekaliwa sana na wife. Bado mapema
    Small bro ( being cheeky as always): dah, inakaa hii married life ni noma sana
    The friend starts a very long monologue of how a man is doomed once married, esp if the wife is a friend to the husbands mother (haswa kama bibi ni rafiki na mamavyaa) with occasional encouragement from small bro.
    Had to ask bro we go watch the arsenal vs chelsea game from home.




    3
  • martin
    30.05.2017

    Great read, calls for serious soul searching as to how authentically we live. Its your life, your mistakes, your successes. See life through your own lenses!
    This article is the best GIFT I have received this year. Thanks Biko & Alex




    5
  • Sharon
    30.05.2017

    This guy was bare before us, it’s truly like a fruit eaten with its skin (bora si apple). I’ve learnt a lot.




    2
  • Karey Kamuto
    30.05.2017

    “I would have told myself to run, because time runs out. Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.” Deep stuff




    5
  • Catherine
    30.05.2017

    I looove this one…sorry for the loss of their baby, there shall be one for them in time if God so wills.




    2
    • Phirithi
      30.05.2017

      I wish they could consider adopting one here in Kenya. I’ve seen many people happy and satisfied with their adopted children. They have a heart that could take that in, not to mention the resources to take care of the child.




      6
      • Gilad
        30.05.2017

        This!

        And I wish I could see a piece here on adoption.




        2
  • cindy
    30.05.2017

    Wow! am speechless . Thanks Biko.




    2
  • Dee
    30.05.2017

    y philosophy on friendship is be with people who understand you, not people who want you to be something they think you should be.”

    Wooooow




    0
  • wa Nyaga
    30.05.2017

    To those aunties who nag and prod about finding a husband, it is still applicable at 40. Read this…




    2
    • Njeri
      30.05.2017

      LOL. I read a joke once about that auntie who, at every rela’s wedding turns to you and asks “when is yours going to be…”. You wait until there is a family funeral. Nag her lightly, lean towards her and ask “when is yours going to be?”.

      She will get cured for life!




      4
  • Akinyi
    30.05.2017

    My word, Alex! Your story has spoken to me in ways my young (ish) self needed to hear.
    Bless you!




    2
  • Ndech
    30.05.2017

    Mazeee. Ningekuwa mgaldem kiasi ningekuwa nisha slide dm ya Biko kudai contact ya huyu bazenga wa ma gas. Ka mi ni mguyz na niko na mancrush yake na magaldem je?
    He makes manhood sound like something exotic. Built on principles and ideals. Riddled with faults, yet built to last. Something a guy barely on the third floor should strive to become.
    Oya Biko, ka mentorship program unaonaje nw hawa mabazenga na ma vijana ka sisi angalau tu save boy child kiasi yake….




    11
  • Mathew
    30.05.2017

    wow. simply amazing!!




    0
  • Chambers
    30.05.2017

    This was a very insightful read, and Alex is the kind of person whose life story and philosophy on life brings out the true meaning of being woke!




    2
  • Malaika
    30.05.2017

    He is on another level of zen. Wow ! Not the conventional Kenyan man. Men in there 40s focus on their achievements, talk about them…worry and have cold sweats about them. He, Alex, focuses on relationships, especially with his wife! Rare man that one. I pray you two are blessed with a child, whichever way you get one, that it gets to enjoy your love and wisdom.

    WOW




    4
  • Erick Wabwire
    30.05.2017

    Jeez! The confidence in that guy is suffocating. I wanna be Alex – The gas man.




    3
  • Claire
    30.05.2017

    I love this words;
    Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.
    Alex you are a great man ,this is wisdom !! Sorry for your loss but you are a great inspiration.




    2
  • Anto
    30.05.2017

    Good read, to improve my writing skills or mere entertainment. in the beginning, the man was in the right direction. I think he lost his way when he gave up his life to follow her dreams. i would never dare do that…my opinion though…




    2
    • Alex Shipiri
      31.05.2017

      Well every man has his way ..that’s mine ……relax breathe in and learn to love …don’t judge … when all is said and done you live life on your terms by the way by the time I reach 53 we have tasked our self to cruise the hidden treasures of the world try it focus on good not evil




      5
  • TheBlackKennedy
    30.05.2017

    “Things happen when they are meant to happen. I don’t sweat timelines.”

    I love that… Makes me wanna stop stressing over every little thing




    3
  • one
    30.05.2017

    This guy was on the right track, right until the time he lost his way along the middle. Anywho, the sisterhood, and our sister’s keepers continue to champion the error of his ways. Some women here (drunk with hubris), have the vanity to say that this story spoke to them. Really, how?? It’s a guy’s story … You’re not a man are you? Men lead. Anywho, the ugly truth will catch up with Alex, sooner or later.




    7
    • Alex Shipiri
      31.05.2017

      Well every man has his way ..that’s mine ……relax breathe in and learn to love …don’t judge … when all is said and done you live life on your terms by the way by the time I reach 53 we have tasked our self to cruise the hidden treasures of the world try it focus on good not evil my income will be 7 figures because I have the luxury to invest without peer pressures




      2
    • Wangari Muriithi
      07.06.2017

      One. Question?
      If a woman wrote a story about the pain of losing a child and man commented about how he could relate. Would you ask if he is a woman? Can fathers not also feel pain.
      In the same vein,his story spoke to me (woman) because there are lessons to take from it. I for one struggled (truth be told, still struggling) with the part where he leaves his thriving business to be with Maria. But that is his journey and it cannot be like anyone else’s.
      “Life is a race against our own personal best”.
      We readers, young and old, men and women, enterpreneurs, strugglers, wannabes, team mafisi, Vera Sidikas & Co. Ltd are here to read someone’s life’s view from the 40th floor. Sometimes tunafunguwa roho zetu in the comments section. Ni maoni tu.
      One, 80-20 rule. Take the 80% that is good and live with the 20 that is not.

      Alex, dance to your own beat.




      0
      • Alex Shipiri
        07.06.2017

        Hey….
        Wangari I didn’t leave a thriving business …I sold it….made a profit and reinvested …..then the going to Maria was a decision between the both …then we are not all crazy about cash….maybe if you read the small print …you will see….. it’s called relocation ….




        1
      • Ben
        15.06.2017

        Not to spoil here but that’s not what 80/20 rule is about lol




        0
  • Kenn
    30.05.2017

    I like the story. The way many ladies keep on commenting about the fact that this guy is so humble and down to earth yet ignore the same kinds of folks in real life bamboozles me. I think life is the sum total of who we are. you cannot attract kind of people you are not. So male or female if you are struggling to link up with a good mate maybe it is time to look at your life and perceptions.




    7
    • Vincent Kiprop
      30.05.2017

      I couldn’t agree anymore. Genuine self actualization first. The rest will just come!




      0
  • Mushie
    30.05.2017

    Wooow!!this is deep..I wanna be like him.
    How I wish men in this generation would emulate him.




    2
  • Leeken
    30.05.2017

    Nice piece. Full of life lessons. Nice Job Biko.

    Well in other ‘News’… Check this blog out guys.

    https://leeblogscom.wordpress.com




    0
  • Jess
    30.05.2017

    This is such a great read! I had to read it all over again. I concur with everyone who said that reading the last few articles was a bit of a bore but this is such a great comeback!




    3
  • Beatrice
    30.05.2017

    Great article. Deep.




    1
  • Miss Mukatia
    30.05.2017

    Aaww gas man…he is such a sage.




    1
  • Phirithi
    30.05.2017

    That guy is made of solid mahogany wood if there’s such a thing in human beings. He’s real. He’s deep. I would love to have 10mins of his time. I want my sons to be like that when they grow up.
    @Biko, get that guy to start a mentorship class for boys. I’ll sign up as the first.




    7
    • Sunayia
      30.05.2017

      Definitely a practical view of the world and the modern man rather than the inane churchy mentorship mess being thrown around.




      2
  • Chosen
    30.05.2017

    Its deep and one that causes one to reflect and think hard. Gives a chance to access oneself and be motivated and encouraged giving clear sight of landmines too
    He’s exceptional no doubt




    2
  • A
    30.05.2017

    What a great read!

    Also, shouldn’t this be on the ’40’s People’ and not ‘People” category? No?




    0
    • Njeri
      30.05.2017

      “Also, shouldn’t this be on the ’40’s People’ and not ‘People” category? No?”
      Eh, it is also on 40s category




      0
  • Ruthy Stevens
    30.05.2017

    Am I the only person who enjoys the comments on this blog almost as much as the post? I can’t stop reading through every bit. Biko Great Read as always. Very Inspiring.




    9
    • Vincent Kiprop
      30.05.2017

      Hauko pekee yako. I personally reserve time to read all the comments!




      1
    • Matt
      02.06.2017

      No you are not.




      0
  • Musangi
    30.05.2017

    Wow! His level of self awareness is in another level. The closest I have come knowing someone with this type of confidence is from a friend, 38 years of age. His opinion about himself is the only one that matters.




    5
  • Janie
    30.05.2017

    Great article ,,alive alive Alex is.
    Bless you and your wife.
    I hope you try again for the baby!!!




    3
  • Retha Morr
    30.05.2017

    This is so inspirational and raw!! I am looking forward to more….

    and i support the idea of his wife being interviewed 🙂 <3




    2
  • Njeri
    30.05.2017

    Great read. And meaningful one – Biko, more of 40s, and 60s.

    I can completely identify with the underlying message of it is your life, live it.

    Being 48, I can confidently say that my best years have been my 40s. Just the sense of knowing who I am, and what I want in life. Not worrying about how I am perceived. But balancing that with the fact that people/relationships are important, and should be nurtured – mindfully.

    It is like participating a marathon with thousands of runners. When you get to mile 20, it is never about who is ahead of you or who is about to overtake you. The only goal is to cross the finishing line. You encourage those running alongside you. You high-five total strangers. At the finishing line, everyone who participates is a winner in their own right. Everyone is on their own timeline.

    More years to you Alex!




    22
  • fridah
    30.05.2017

    Wao nice read Biko. Very few men and women in fourth floor have this kind of maturity. Thank you gas man for sharing!!




    1
  • What an interesting read. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the screen for even a second. I am still puzzled however, what is the right age to get married?




    3
    • Gilad
      30.05.2017

      You get married when you are ready, and only if you want to. There is no one right age for everyone. You should not give in to any pressure whether from society, family or whatever. Otherwise, you will make your spouse very very very miserable because there’s nothing as difficult as being married to someone whose heart and mind is not fully invested in the marriage and that’s where you will be if you get married out of pressure or to be within certain timelines.




      11
    • Charles Kagana
      31.05.2017

      Like when you are over 18, and meet someone you feel ready to commit to and are able to provide for? Follow your instincts, live your life and stop searching for a template.




      0
  • AJ
    30.05.2017

    Great advice from Alex. Nice and motivating read Biko .Thumbs up.




    1
  • Mukami
    30.05.2017

    Biko now this is the vintage you! Alex thanks for sharing wisdom from 45+. Gang let’s pray Biko can also interview Maria!!!




    2
  • Oscar Ogutu
    30.05.2017

    This is a great read.




    0
  • Mimi
    30.05.2017

    Awesome read. I happen to know both of them and they keep it 100% all the time. As someone said it’s good to come to your own,you realize these competition we call life is futile. Each of God’s creation is put on Earth for a reason but most times we don’t get to discover what our purpose is because we conform with others and refuse to break out of the norm into the unknown and end up competing with others instead of pacesetting. Biko, for the sake of tomorrow’s generation and especially for the boy child kindly consider showcasing more inspirational pieces on life lessons, stories of people who tried, failed but persisted and ended up making it in life,real stories about real people.




    6
  • Njeri
    30.05.2017

    I read through all comments (It’s a slow day for me – so yes, I had the time).

    I was very interested in the statistics of the comments on this piece, largely because what is presented goes against the grain. As Biko indicated, it is usually the case that a woman would give up their careers to follow the husband… Alex is surely swimming upstream.

    You did not ask, but as of the time of this post, here are the statistics. (NB –I counted the main comments, not the replies/responses to the comment).

    Positive Comments from Men: 24
    Positive Comments from Women: 61
    Negative Comments from Men: 4
    Negative Comments from Women: 0
    Positive Comments from can’t-tell-if-commenter-is-male/female: 43
    Negative Comments from can’t-tell-if-commenter-is-male/female: 0
    Neither Positive nor Negative : 13.

    Total Number of Comments tallied: 145
    Statistics do not lie. What you do with them is up to you!

    (Assumptions: that the commenter’s name is indicative of gender. e.g., Njeri is female and Omondi is Male. I realize that can be somewhat flawed… especially in this day and age. )
    Cheers!




    10
    • Gilad
      30.05.2017

      I was exactly thinking about the demographics of the positive and negative comments which was so blaringly obvious, and I thought to myself: I wonder if some of the men can look beyond how much the women seem to love Alex and in a deeper sense understand that it’s not that Alex is pussy-whipped (excuse my french), but rather that he seems to genuinely regard his wife as a human being worthy enough to pursue her own dreams as much as he’s worthy enough to pursue his and that both sometimes, depending on their particular circumstances will require either and/or to sacrifice and that it should be okay for a man to sacrifice for his wife as it seems to be expected of the woman.

      Also, Alex has clearly stated that he’s still pursuing his own things and making his ambitions work as he supports his wife.




      15
      • Njeri
        30.05.2017

        What stood out for me is that only 4 men had something negative to say. That is a small %, very small. Overwhelming majority of men were positive. Yet, I’ve always thought (not sure where I got that notion from) that men would not be supportive of Alex’s position. May be the world changed and we did not even realize.




        5
        • Shezzie
          31.05.2017

          Perhaps it’s because society has stereotyped men and boxed them as egoists and as such not taken the time to see beyond that. Then again, it’s probably what the men show when they are with other men and have to front a certain persona to be perceived as “MEN”. They just needed an “Alex” to let them know that it’s safe to be independent of the stereotype regardless of the audience.




          2
          • Njeri
            31.05.2017

            True that




            0
    • Kat
      01.06.2017

      hahaha i did wonder about you Njeri the several comments 🙂 and thought to myself perhaps she should start her own blog she has some life nuggets too. Good analysis and use of slow time D:)




      0
  • David
    30.05.2017

    That is very deep, Alex the Gas man just opened my eyes on relationships.

    Thanks Biko




    4
  • Mpenza
    30.05.2017

    Great read. Inspirational for all tht value is in people that we love




    2
  • Kaz
    30.05.2017

    Alex seems like a great guy. Kindly let us know if they’re gonna arrange
    another surrogate? It’s worth it Alex. Please try again. You two are a team together. I know you will have that baby if you try again. Thank you for treating your wife well and valuing your relationship above money. Other men should learn from your good example that egos are not everything.




    5
  • Sunayia
    30.05.2017

    Another master piece Biko! What a great read!




    1
  • Nuwagira
    30.05.2017

    You got me at me at deep rich raspy voice……:-) awesome read.




    1
  • Mr Mogeni
    30.05.2017

    You are amazing Alex. True that’s Ego Sacrifices and investing in others is a sure bet. Can you interview the Alpha wife?




    2
  • Wamuyu
    30.05.2017

    Captivating story. I know Alex and his family – we grew up together. He was good looking, I remember




    1
  • Allan Deya
    30.05.2017

    Wonderful piece.




    0
  • Waf
    30.05.2017

    Great piece




    0
  • Ephraim
    30.05.2017

    Life is quite simple: do what you love doing , always remain true to yourself and don’t care too much about other people’s opinion. They will always talk, regardless of whether you do anything positive/good or negative/bad. Remember, a lion never loses sleep over the opinion of sheep.




    3
  • Ndwiga
    30.05.2017

    This is a beautiful piece. Thank you Biko.. sorry for the loss of the baby.. It is indeed well…




    0
  • Jsy
    30.05.2017

    “The ego relies on the familiar. It is reluctant to experience the unknown, which is the very essence of life.”(Can’t remember who said this). That’s his story in a nutshell, no?

    We’re constantly driving ourselves nuts by asking: What ‘looks’ manly. What ‘looks’ successful. What ‘looks’ proper. We never pause to ask (probably because it is not comfortable) who I’m I as an individual? What’s my baggage? How can I do better? Whose gaze I’m I using to determine my identity & self worth? Who are they?

    I think Alex’s story (and some of the feedback it’s getting) requests we ask ourselves these hard questions.

    I like how Alex has figured out the limitations of money/material wealth. How a certain type of masculinity can limit & even poison the self. And I think Alex has given his wife something of more value than money…something truly priceless; a safe, loving space for her to TO BE (and male or female don’t we desire that, deep down?).




    17
    • Kare
      31.05.2017

      There should be a double like!




      1
    • lynnah
      31.05.2017

      we all desire that




      1
  • Rachael
    30.05.2017

    Self awareness: muhimu!
    Also, kuishi kwingi, kuona mengi.




    0
  • Saint
    30.05.2017

    Hi Steve,
    Great new look to the “school”! (yes, it *has* been awhile 🙂 )
    Tell you what, I’m not 40 (yet) but we will talk someday.
    You will talk and I will listen and accord you the same courtesy no?
    Till then…




    0
  • Missy
    30.05.2017

    Great read…. Great lessons from a 40+




    0
  • Faith
    31.05.2017

    Wow Biko, this is just an article that should not only speak to men but women as well, even at 20. You may have just saved several marriages, future and current.




    2
  • JayT
    31.05.2017

    I have a pal we call the gas man…for different reasons!




    3
  • AlfrIQue
    31.05.2017

    The one thing i picked up and not letting go from this post is:-

    My philosophy on friendship is be with people who understand you, not people who want you to be something they think you should be.”




    4
  • Ngaruiya
    31.05.2017

    This, I posted my reply here first response culture wrings & wrenches my guts out! Grrrrrrrr! Venting aside, that’s one well crafted, profound read. Been a while since i engaged my inner self so.




    0
  • Joy Rugz
    31.05.2017

    “Men lie to each other in bars.”
    Profound




    1
    • Lydia
      31.05.2017

      Other men lie to each other in church.




      4
  • Emily
    31.05.2017

    Great piece Biko. I’ve read it twice just for everything to sink in. Alex is living life on his own terms and that’s never easy. But he’s doing it unapologetically!!! There is no documented way that men must follow or traditional way to do it, so his experiences are his and he chose to live it up. I don’t think giving up your business to follow your wife and support her career makes him weak. I think it makes him so self aware and he knows his priorities.
    Thanks for this Biko




    3
  • Wrenched guts
    31.05.2017

    let people enjoy things. they are not using your bundles




    0
  • Miriam Mwangi
    31.05.2017

    Invest in people! This is a very good article! Wow




    0
  • Shirley
    31.05.2017

    This was worth the read…. man not tied down by societal constructs,a man living his life, not the life society wants him to live,a courageous man,a deep man….And the lessons….thank you Biko.




    1
  • Miss-E
    31.05.2017

    Raw, uncut and rich..The kind of writing that forces you to introspect.. Amazing, enriched my morning..




    0
  • Dennis Mwai
    31.05.2017

    Great read. Very inspirational.




    0
  • Simoo
    31.05.2017

    These two individuals have unique characteristics no wonder things have turned out beautiful for them. Consider the wife’s offer to Alex to go get a kind with a promise she would treat it as her own….




    1
  • Julie
    31.05.2017

    Superb! I love it.




    1
  • Mukuna Mukuna
    31.05.2017

    This is real! i like it, i hope that i will have a story when am 47. i really liked the below parts;

    ” I don’t know. Here is what I know though; if you treat your wife like a lady, with respect and love, she will do virtually anything for you. Anything! At least that is my experience.”

    and

    “I would have told myself to run, because time runs out. Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.”




    2
  • Cheptoo Cece
    31.05.2017

    OMG!! Amazing piece of art.
    If I was asked who i’d want to write my biography – It would be non other than you BIKO. You are a brilliant man, the choice of words are beyond art. You paint the perfect picture in bringing life to your written stories and experiences. I LOVE IT.

    The last part of this article brought me to tears.”Slow clapping” …BRAVO!!

    FOODIES: http://www.tastiedine.com




    1
  • Malcolm Silvanus
    31.05.2017

    Sad they lost the Baby, But I Love the story and His Story ….. I have to get married by 40 too. Nimezeeka




    0
  • Mama Aki na Aku
    31.05.2017

    That was deep. Real deep. I read and read and each paragraph I read “commitment”. Interesting, quite interesting to read this from an African (read Kenyan) man.

    Dear Alex,
    Babies will come whichever way till you freak out.
    And Who is This (your) Mentor?




    1
  • Sharon
    31.05.2017

    so weak men will say he’s pussy whipped but in reality he’s a man who kills two birds with one stone.Fine he might have put everything down and followed his wife but did you miss out the part that he said that he establishes businesses every city they move in addition to the salary hes paid as an ex pat’s husband. He gets to explore new cities and new biz ideas and opportunities,and still get to keep the wife who made his biz grow in the first place.He’s a man who understands what MASCULINITY IS ALL ABOUT.

    Kudos to you ALEX




    3
  • Zippy
    31.05.2017

    If I was to give birth to a disabled baby, I would never ask God, ‘why me?’. Because who else is supposed to get that burden? Does it mean the person with a disabled child is less deserving than me?”…………………………thats deep




    2
  • Virgy
    31.05.2017

    Nice read Biko…how I wish men could see life as Alex does I really admire him and sorry for the loss man.




    0
  • Vicky
    31.05.2017

    Excellent! I love his honesty and the freedom with which he expresses his opinions. He clearly knows who he is, where he is and where he is headed. I wish I could have that clarity in my life right now. But I’m not even 30 yet. The loss if the baby is sad, but you can’t collect milk after it’s spilled. Thank you for this Biko.




    0
  • Lucy
    31.05.2017

    Great read.




    0
  • Njeri
    31.05.2017

    Deep, frank, and thought-provoking. Unfortunately, such people are not evenly distributed and I hope he and his wife can get a child one day.




    0
  • Louis Wamukoya
    31.05.2017

    Kudos Shipiri. Great story from you. Always confident. Stay blessed.




    0
  • Atieno
    31.05.2017

    “Invest yes, but invest more in people, in relationships. When the curtains close all these things we kill ourselves to get won’t matter if you are alone at your deathbed. People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.” Now this is Profound…..Great read




    0
  • Mugabi P
    31.05.2017

    40 is the new 20.
    Oh Boy, I love this read.
    PEOPLE MATTER!
    People matter more than money, more than another plot you want to buy, another house you want to purchase.




    1
  • Gladys
    31.05.2017

    Wow!! I love that piece. Following the wife to be an Expats hubs that’s my best part!!! Good work Biko!




    0
  • paul
    31.05.2017

    Your comment*hi,I’m Ugandan, aged 39,and i must say this piece spoke well. After contracting HIV,and then having to go through life alone, you wonder wat you were thinking back then,since all your friends deserted you your ego punctured and no one wants to be married to you…at 40,you wish you knew better




    3
    • Njeri
      31.05.2017

      So sorry Paul. You can’t undo the past. That’s the bad news. But the good news is that it is a past. Today and now, we all have the opportunity to make better choices, regardless of our situations.
      I believe one’s life purpose is doesn’t evaporate because he/she made wrong choices in the past. You still have a lot to give, a lot to live for. Here is how the Wise King Solomon said it “Anyone who is among the living has hope—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion”




      4
  • Brian
    31.05.2017

    Some life lessons from Alex…

    Clearly he has lived his life headshigh…




    0
  • Andrew
    31.05.2017

    I am a 41-year-old male and I endorse this post.




    3
  • Chris
    31.05.2017

    This just hit the spot!!! LIVE




    0
  • Rita Mbae
    31.05.2017

    Your comment*Some of these Kenyan men should just read this.. Deep stuff Chocolate man and big up to Alex the gas man.




    2
  • Omarion billy
    31.05.2017

    Great am 22 and mu siz gave me the link Biko lemme thank you for publishing and alex for the wonderful experience im quitting so many things before I even start wow!




    0
  • Wangari
    31.05.2017

    Alex, you’re an honorable man, doing what most men fear doing, letting go the man ego in support of their wives. And it has not made you less of a man. Biko, you’ve laid out the story so well. #needtofindmemyAlex




    0
  • Gilad
    31.05.2017

    This articles underlines the importance of marrying the right person. Obviously, Alex sounds like a great husband who has greatly loved and treated his wife well. But that’s wife #2. He obviously wasn’t all that to wife #1 and clearly says he didn’t fight for her and their marriage when she left. I hope that she too has found a great love, success and happiness -as her ex-husband has found. I hope she has truly been able to move on because sometimes women do tend to wallow in what has already ended when the men have clearly moved on and are already greatly loving, and curling other women’s toes in delight!




    2
    • Alex Shipiri
      01.06.2017

      Hey she moved on way before me….she found her soulmate and am told have child/children yes she found her man who made her the woman she wants to be…, I didn’t and I accepted




      8
      • wanjikuWaNgigi
        02.06.2017

        Alex, your honesty is admirable and your priorities well set. I think being a man is doing things that society deems ‘unmanly’ in a manly way, i.e without chills. Yours is a lucky wife. I’ll pray you get a child(several even). You deserve to be a father, to raise a generation of people who are free from societal curtails.
        Kudos.




        2
  • Johnson
    31.05.2017

    My best read for this month………awesome




    1
  • Carol
    31.05.2017

    Nice article Sir, a beautiful working marriage that has been built on nothing else but love is quite an encouragement that there’s hope. Such a beautiful story.




    1
  • T
    31.05.2017

    One of the best reads this year. keep it up Biko we want to hear more




    2
  • Shaz
    31.05.2017

    Awesome, Awesome read. Got mad respect for Alex the gas man.




    0
  • Shaz
    31.05.2017

    Got mad respect for Alex the gas man. Awesome read Biko




    0
  • Volpushon
    31.05.2017

    A few things I identify with this gentleman: I married in my 40s too, my wife makes more than I do, and I’m at a place where the pursuit of material things is diminishing and my relationship with others is more meaningful.
    Great read!




    3
  • Shaz
    31.05.2017

    Mad respect for Alex the gas man. Awesome read Biko




    1
  • Evonne G.
    31.05.2017

    It’s good to know that there are some people out there who think that there’s much more to life than lots of money ..this was a good read




    1
  • Simon
    31.05.2017

    This is profound! I have to start all over again.




    1
  • Charles
    31.05.2017

    It has been a while since I left a comment on your posts Biko but I cannot resist this. I have found this story quite profound and it has made me reflect on my own life given that I am a 40s guy and I have been to a place I never thought I would be. I quite like Alex’s honesty and his spirit of living life as it comes, and being brave to do what others think is not conventional. It is sad that they lost their baby and hopefully they will find fulfilment in that area. I hope that in the next 5 or 10 years, you will do a follow up to find out where those you profiled are…




    1
  • Anne Komen
    31.05.2017

    Alex the gas man, thank you for reminding us to run because 40 is just around the corner.
    Very touching story indeed. So sorry for the loss of your baby. If you’re still thinking about surrogacy *I know someone willing*




    0
  • MuthoniM
    31.05.2017

    Now that’s a man above petty, the life lessons in that story are super amazing . The truth is that we all want to be happy, this guy found what makes happy.You just can’t attack his life it makes him happy, find your happiness friend.




    1
  • paul
    31.05.2017

    thanks njeri




    1
  • Charles I.
    01.06.2017

    Hi, this is Charles from Nigeria. I love the superb way Biko wrote this, it made me feel like I was right there at the interview. You’ve got a new fan in me! It’s 11:48pm over here and I don’t think I’ll be sleeping soon because I’ll be raiding your archives for more stories!




    2
  • Redempta Bisangwa
    01.06.2017

    oh wow, good story!! I had to re-read it and share with my friends. Such an eye opener to life, nothing is ever that serious.




    1
  • Alice
    01.06.2017

    Brilliant piece. Many men are saying that they wouldn’t give up their lives for their wives’ career.But they forget the part that Alex is being paid half his wife’s salary simply for being her husband -that
    salary is basically the amount he’d be getting from his businesses. Then he’s invested his income in his real estate business, meaning he’s still getting further income. To boot, he gets to travel the world and experience some of life’s finer things. Heck, seems like he’s the winner in all this.




    7
  • Carol Ondeng'
    01.06.2017

    Beautiful piece Biko. Very enlightening! Thank you.




    0
  • Sean Lovi
    01.06.2017

    After all your emotions have settled… lets sit and look at this from a level minded angle.
    Summary.
    …….When he was young 20’s or 30’s, he divorces his young wife….. but ends up marrying a single mother.
    …….His new ambitious wife leaves Mumias sugar (little money)….. comes to work “with” him and they make lots of money.
    …….His new wife sees better greener pastures in Morocco…. guy sells his business decides to “support his wife’s ambitions.”
    ……..Guy in his 40’s wants a baby, his woman says, “No am building a career”. LOL.
    ……. Dude is happy that he has no ego or he is “the real man”, not constrained by the traditional culture… follows his ambitious career wife all over the world wherever HER work takes them.
    …….. Dude drives her V8, enjoy the good life, while she brings home the bacon.
    ……..When he could have had kids with his first wife when he was young, now he is hiring “wombs” – surrogates. ……..Guy gave up his life and his business all in the name of bravery, investing in people and “being larger than his ego”.

    The guy took the blue pill and sold out his soul. The woman tamed him.

    Hats off to that lady.




    1
    • Gilad
      01.06.2017

      It was only a matter of time before the red pillers showed up….




      2
    • Alex Shipiri
      02.06.2017

      Sean kindly read then understand …my current wife is as young as the other one ….hiring a womb may be medical but since you know it all it’s age…v-8 is a company car…mine is a personal car …and those who know me must think your challenged cause of your thought of the car I drive …then I never gave up my ambition on dreams I had up to 40 to do that and guess what I achieved by 40…so you keep hating I keep loving I play in a totally different league from anyone else it’s called Alex’s league try it …instead of looking at mine deal with yours I would never bother with your types know it all analysis it’s my life guy ….and the last I checked Only God has the authority to judge but I guess since your are an authority on my life your free… it’s called life’s experience please critic me all you want….my life my wife my way the underlying word My….am sure you make way over 600 a month …it’s called smart investment ….and my wife currently is not employed so guess what up….would love you to see what I bought her and how she spends her days…..ignorance is bliss




      1
      • Kat
        03.06.2017

        Alex please ignore the negatives. Your story is food for thought in different facets, Life. I only wish there was more time for you to talk with Biko. Read like you had more to share and a hint of bitter sweet melancholy was in the ‘air’ read words .

        Good story Biko. This was different. Postlude?




        0
        • Alex Shipiri
          03.06.2017

          Thanks Kay ,Hey I realized the reason why I left the bar scene 17 yrs ago it’s because of the perceived male female…tetestorone oestrogen argument ….it tuntamount to public audit…..no one has a right to advise me how to live….the have a golden opportunity with all there hubris (Steve and one) am enjoying the love we share and it’s 100% better than the one I lived with the ‘intellectual’bar talk and as you see it manifest it self with authoritative opinions with a life the are clueless about….imagine that talk after copious amounts of a beverage of choice …..such BS is exactly what Kenys doesn’t need……..another comment was about 53% divorce rate in the states because of liberal views. …. I was the Alfa male with bursting testestrone….I ended up in divorce …..so I love the feeling of love the should try it and by the way it’s such a pleasure …..myopic opinion to my intellectual pals….hi five from the bar stoll




          0
  • Pauline
    01.06.2017

    Am way, past 40 and I have a story which could turn into a book…a movie, even..
    But am shy….
    Some characters in my life, would faint, if it went public…
    Just saying…




    4
    • Njeri
      01.06.2017

      Talk to Biko… May be he can find a way to tell your story without the death of those characters…




      2
  • Njoki
    01.06.2017

    This sure rubber stamps it.. yeah life begins at 40……. Great read…




    2
  • Victor Ambuyo
    02.06.2017

    Biko am 22 years old in campus and have been trying to start web design company for the last year with numerous despairing pitfalls and never have I ever been inspired the way I been today. That’s including all these inspirational books I have been burning the midnight oil over for trying to absorb all and apply whenever any suitable situation presents itself. Thank you for this forum Biko and special thanks to Alex for making me realize that investments in people are incomparable to any other form of investments.




    3
    • Njeri
      02.06.2017

      I’ve just checked your website Victor. I think you and your team are up to something great! Keep working at it. Tenacity and Consistency is what births success. I wish I had half your drive and insight at 22!!




      0
  • liz
    02.06.2017

    Wow…




    0
  • Abbas
    02.06.2017

    As you get inspired ,remember the present and exist in the present ,build yourself in this space and free yourself from living in memories and anticipation.Nice read.




    0
  • G.Oriwo
    02.06.2017

    Life begins at 40…….Friendship is priceless




    0
  • Peris Sheke
    02.06.2017

    great write Biko.i like the last part….no one is less deserving…..you do not have to ask the question” why me”…




    1
  • Kate
    02.06.2017

    The story has inspired me.

    http://kates-world.com




    0
  • DAUDI
    03.06.2017

    There is no point of debating whether this is a good story or its made up. This is Alex’s story. So why evaluate it? Rating it is being like the English teacher who asks you to write a story about your best day ever then gives you a 22 out of fourty. Kwani was she there when you were having your best day? I don’t know your age but if you are not fourty yet (or past 50 for that matter), get a foolscap paper, andika your story there and use it to light a jiko since it doesn’t qualify what Biko needs. Otherwise, forward your damn thing to him and let us read it in peace!!




    4
    • Ciiku
      10.06.2017

      How I wish I could copy this comment after some judgemental comments on this post. What does how Alex chooses to live his life take away from theirs? & if it does, who asked them?




      0
  • Sereti
    03.06.2017

    This is deeeeep! Some phrases are so beautiful that I had to reread just so they sink in. A great life lived meets a great writer, what do you expecti?




    1
  • Adonga willuam
    03.06.2017

    Teary eyes. As someone said earlier time to start all over. Life needs vto be lived on our terms not on other people’s expectations. Life is hard enough as it is to worry about what will people say. “Wear your suits with sneakers if it makes you happy”




    1
  • Uneducated African
    04.06.2017

    Another overrated article. I wish people would stop sharing these links with me!

    Get off his d**k already people!




    0
    • Njeri
      05.06.2017

      You realize you have the choice not to read, right?




      1
  • Bree
    04.06.2017

    And Life truly begins at 40…. I think its time we all got down to whatever stories our lives are writing 🙂




    0
  • Maliq
    05.06.2017

    To each his own,in the end all that matters is happiness.Alex is happy with his life and that’s enough.This is a good article keep it up.




    0
  • Laich
    05.06.2017

    You got the words in place. Good work Alex




    0
  • petty
    06.06.2017

    Quite deep, Respect Alex for loving and respecting your woman, for that is the best gift you can give to your lady. May all the men in the room borrow a “branch” (pun intended) from this great piece(life story)




    1
  • Millie
    06.06.2017

    Heh! Biko, every time I read a blog post of yours, your story telling skills blows.my.mind! As always, amazing story, amazing writing, amazing phrases that I read while imagining the reactions and conversation like it’s a movie. LOVE IT!




    0
  • Adrian
    07.06.2017

    Nice pice…soo inspiring




    0
  • Esther
    07.06.2017

    I really loved what Alex repeated several times about hanging out with men in bars who pump each other’s egos. This is sobering




    0
  • Lil
    07.06.2017

    Please interview his wife…




    1
  • Muiruri.
    08.06.2017

    Biko!..I am only 19 years old but this article makes me want more friends who are at their 40s.
    Not that all people from my group age are shallow minded but maybe it because we all have a different set of cravings in life. Can i please please, be in your committee even at my prime of youth…
    Walai sidhani if these will even be read…..




    1
  • Alex
    08.06.2017

    Well I love the way people are authoritative about my life….I sold a business and if you get to the syntax of the article it’s about finding self….sad English is difficult to comprehend…..it was never her car …one can’t be that myopic….I said the trimmings/perks that come with certain positions…how come mr Alfa male doesnt mention her current status when she’s riding in my pickup truck ….multinational pay people a lot because the have a skill set or ability…I have that right there…then you go for a double after a hair cut….bravado what a man….wonder what investment means to people……it’s extracting what life offers I laid my bed and am laying on lt without any apologies……your ego and truly your kind reassure me of my reasons of letting go of the bar scene …..my life my story your life and your double look at the reflection in the mirror…go take your double as I race towards my 7figure retirement plan….loving my friend and life partner by the way try it




    1
    • Njeri
      09.06.2017

      Alex, haters will hate. And this is the internet. where we sit behind monitors and we become experts at all things. The overwhelming majority of comments here are positive and we appreciate that you shared a part of your life with us. As for the naysayers, that’s theirs. Waende wakikauka. It’s your life – continue living it as you deem fit.




      2
  • Liz
    08.06.2017

    I must say this is my most favourite article Biko. Thank you for sharing.




    0
  • Tom Brian
    08.06.2017

    Deep stuff! Very rich!




    0
  • Vincent Kiprop
    11.06.2017

    It’s the second week and am still reading this.




    0
  • Redhawk
    12.06.2017

    Alex has really compromised a lot to make it work, its like you give up so much of yourself you lose everything that it means to be a man in the process. You get a sense that he doesn’t know what he is doing, he’s making the rules as he goes. Also a relationship shouldn’t lead you to distance yourself from your friends, that’s if you have genuine friends, a man can’t purely survive on hanging out with his wife, you need that male interaction.




    0
    • Alex Shipiri
      12.06.2017

      Redhark read mylife I have a litani of friends so many intact i cannot have a function without one group feeling slighted ….if you told me am sacrificing religion (my Christian faith)I would worry …friends either male or female I have ….those who want me to please them can really wait….am sure if your in well your male buddies will come take care of you….as in stop hanging out to take care of you …..the only sacrifice Ave made is postponing my 7figure retirement …..by the way look me up when I saunter into the bar I still own the table…with both cash and presence the only difference being ….am in love with the woman I want to be no pretense ….what’s there to loose …..take this to the bank I made my first million in my early twenties and lost them to palsAlfa males…..the rest I have made and …..try love without boundaries




      1
      • Redhawk
        12.06.2017

        I agree with you. True unconditional love means loving without boundaries and having boundaries is the biggest way to compromise yourself because boundaries block love and create/perpetuate abuse. But where is the lesson here on what it means to be a cultured person (Kikuyu or otherwise) and how these young men & women of today in love should conduct themselves in a marriage / family? Or how you handled conflict along your beautiful journey despite being deeply in love? You are your tradition first and a Christian second. Even Jesus was a Jew first. Western education has failed to teach on how to behave towards different people including loved ones and how for example: the Kikuyu (or any other) customary law of behavior has been disregarded.




        0
        • Alex Shipiri
          12.06.2017

          Redhawk the lesson is simple,life is lived ,there is a lot of stereo typing and tradition ways /modern ways that don’t define humans ….one should find self…have an introspection then go for the jugular …am not defined by norms …the failed my first marriage …my second one I was true…we have our moments but the are irrelevant if your know the direction one is taking….self confidence….women are human and require understanding and love…I don’t lie to self that I have a knowledge of them…I have a knowledge of me and share me with the person that wants to be with me….all else is story…..as I write this the Mrs has no gainful emploayment …..it doesn’t affect our life because our revenue streams and expenditure are manageable ….lesson live within your means define what works for self ….and if your Christian your a judged by your self not with others …..that’s my lesson …..my deepest friends are not from my ethnicity ….the love me for who I am and I them…..it’s not about them it’s about me …..another lesson love the Mrs or the dog enough to want her /him to want you




          0
  • Waitiki
    12.06.2017

    Alex and his wife are HAPPY, which is the ultimate goal people seek from life. If you cannot get that because you are too busy wondering how the perfect male should be or how a female should submit, then you are lost. Seek happiness and enjoy it where and you find it. Period!




    1
    • Redhawk
      12.06.2017

      With all the happiness under the sun for a fact there was still sadness, frowns to smiles, hate to love, weaknesses to strengths….As a man with cultural history and value for relationships there’s still expectations on how to best deal with life and its successes vis-à-vis its shortcomings. That aspect of how Alex managed that with his wife I did not quite understand throughout the story. I guess my regard for my Kikuyu culture is very strong & runs parallel to my religion, my love & my happiness.




      0
  • Dan
    12.06.2017

    This is an overrated article!This Alex man sold his soul to the matriarchy. He left his young wife only to later on marry a “single mother’, not bad. But he should not pretend, He is irresponsible and likes to be taken care of. “made 300K a month”, with no investment trail “My money was my money, I had a lavish state of the art apartment” refers so much to his assumed well off mother ( at 47!), without self identity. Its either the mother or the wife! , give me a break. No wonder he added no value to his original wife. I doubt this talk about his sharas. Alex cant make it on his own and has nothing to write about except his wife and mother. No leadership. He has to be led like his mother did and for that he has do dance and my friend,dance to the piper,his wife.




    1
    • Alex Shipiri
      14.06.2017

      Dan your kind amaze me……biko told my story and that’s it critic it all you want…. my mum is 78 I assist her by the way widowed …hard of seeing and hearing lives in Nbo and has a bad leg…..welll am sure she doesn’t need help….as for your various opinions I recall ….that am a whimp ….well that’s fine but why the bitterness and attitude ….women men alike are all humans you have chosen a different very successful line ….Here are some truths……I made my first Million in my 20s and blew it up….what part of lavish didnt you understand ….the fact that a lady was able to put order in a system doesn’t constitute weakness I merely acknowledge the fact that she is able to add value and I her….as for my first marriage I never added value for the record I accept my weakness and strength unlike you I looked at my “misgivings”and improved on them ….finally my wife earns an income I generate an income however small it’s mine …..have you looked around to know that the single mothers are fathered by men like you who abdicate there responsibility to raise there children….have you for a second considered abandoned children who need love or it’s beneath your super ego……you must be within the age send your request to biko…..notice he was referred by a common friend I kindly urge you to mentor the young men through your story …if like you the find it overrated delete if the have a single lesson let it help them….I have no appologies to make ….last evening I hit feed back on how I inspired some people …..well am glad I have …added value look at some sentiment …so Dan let your hair down sip coffee or your single malt and laugh and enjoy ……life ends by the way try holidays too the are relaxing




      1
    • mukuhi
      07.07.2017

      Hi Dan, your comment stands out like a sour thumb and for all bad reasons. i would ask that you kindly step out of your comfort zone, you will be amazed , truly. then come back and comment, am sure you wont punish your keyboard typing the kind of **** as above. let me point you in the right direction, start with friends, different types of people, Asian, Islam, caucasian, travellers, volunteers……..just anyone away from your circle.
      P.s you wont find them at your local, you got to step out…..




      0
  • Gathee
    13.06.2017

    I’ve read the article, and what Alex is attempting to do is bold, he is curving out his own path deviod of any preconceived notions or social norms dictated by either tradtion or modern society. I guess so far so good and it seems to he working. Im sure in sharing this the intent is to inspire others to create their own path aswell, and have the objectivity to find what works for them and their spouse.
    However, id urge anyone who reads this article to take it with a pinch of salt. What we have here essentially is a social experiment whose success can’t be judged at this stage and its still very premature. He himself has admitted that this new approach to how he is conducting the affairs of his marriage were based on lessons learnt from the previous one and that he can’t quite pinpoint why exactly it is working this time and therefore is effectively reacting to situations that may arise on a case by case basis (making the rules as he goes). This requires a lot of energy, time and dedication to pull off, from what it sounds like, he has the energy and motivation to invest in his approach, im not so sure that many people have the same level of commitment to developing their own brand new framework for marriage. The jury is still out on the socail experiment, if in 20 years the narrative has changed or is still the same, we can start having a discussion on whether it worked or failed, if it failed its back to the drawing board for Alex.
    Personally, im of a different opinion, i like to rely on that which is tried and true, particularly when it comes to things that have clear structures in place that have stood the test of time and have clearly visible and documented results. In such matters i prefer not to reinvent the wheel. Life as it is already demands a lot of your energy and brain power in the pursuit of career goals and in ensuring your family has their basic and other needs met, and even at a more advanced stage, my family’s legacy . I prefer spending my energy on those dilemmas as opposed to others that are already provided for through ages of handed down wisdom.
    Here is the thing, a lot of young people may not know this but our culture is very rich and teaming with centuries of wisdom. Culturally the family was the building block around which the entire society was built, so it was in the best interests of the society to ensure that the values within the family are the strongest, water tight, iron clad and the most solid ground to stand on. From a young age children were taught who they are, how to behave aming their peers, to relate with their parents and elders and strangers. As they grew older, men were taught about their roles in society and women likewise, how to relate to in laws, your wife, your husband and your children. Everyone knew what was expected of them, there was no need to have long debates about appoach to use cos it was predefined. The society worked, and communities were stonger and thrived in this framework.
    Ill start by admitting that some of those prescriptions in culture have become irrelevant with time, but for the descerning individual, the underlying and fundamental principles trying to be inculcated still reign true to this day. In a time when culture is all but lost to most of us, the only time one remembers that they have a culture is when they have to do a ruracio, its no wonder a lot of guys find themselves on the back foot when faced with challenges in the home. They are not using any framework, there is no tethering so to speak, they are basically trying to establish a new what took generations to develop, but in a single lifetime. They borrow from many schools of thought, some say they are liberal, others conservativem others radical.. slme borrow from science, others from spirituality, western values, values from the far east,you name it, it seems the number approaches being employed are as many and diverse as the number of couples in Kenya. Needless to say, years of wisdom vis a vis one lifetime of marital fringe science, the odds arent in your favour. The numbers on failed marriages can validate that claim.
    In conclusion, i wish Alex all the best, but id urge guys not to dismiss our culture in the name of being progressive, get to know what culture dictates and understand the entire cannon, then decide what still applies in the world we live in today and what is irrelevant. But dont butcher it and decide to reinvent the wheel entirely, your energies are better spent elsewhere.




    2
  • Gathee
    13.06.2017

    I’ve read the article, and what Alex is attempting to do is bold, he is curving out his own path deviod of any preconceived notions or social norms dictated by either tradtion or modern society. I guess so far so good and it seems to he working. Im sure in sharing this the intent is to inspire others to create their own path aswell, and have the objectivity to find what works for them and their spouse.
    However, id urge anyone who reads this article to take it with a pinch of salt. What we have here essentially is a social experiment whose success can’t be judged at this stage as its still very premature. He himself has admitted that this new approach to how he is conducting the affairs of his marriage were based on lessons learnt from the previous one and that he can’t quite pinpoint why exactly it is working this time and therefore is effectively reacting to situations that may arise on a case by case basis (making the rules as he goes). This requires a lot of energy, time and dedication to pull off, from what it sounds like, he has the energy and motivation to invest in his approach, im not so sure that many people have the same level of commitment to developing their own brand new framework for marriage. The jury is still out on the social experiment, if in 20 years the narrative has changed or is still the same, we can start having a discussion on whether it worked or failed, if it failed its back to the drawing board for Alex.
    Personally, im of a different opinion, i like to rely on that which is tried and true, particularly when it comes to things that have clear structures in place that have stood the test of time and have clearly visible and documented results. In such matters i prefer not to reinvent the wheel. Life as it is already demands a lot of your energy and brain power in the pursuit of career goals and in ensuring your family has their basic and other needs met, and even at a more advanced stage, my family’s legacy . I prefer spending my energy on those dilemmas as opposed to others that are already provided for through ages of handed down wisdom.
    Here is the thing, a lot of young people may not know this but our culture is very rich and teaming with centuries of wisdom. Culturally the family was the building block around which the entire society was built, so it was in the best interests of the society to ensure that the values within the family are the strongest, water tight, iron clad and the most solid ground to stand on. From a young age children were taught who they are, how to behave aming their peers, to relate with their parents and elders and strangers. As they grew older, men were taught about their roles in society and women likewise, how to relate to in laws, your wife, your husband and your children. Everyone knew what was expected of them, there was no need to have long debates about appoach to use cos it was predefined. The society worked, and communities were stonger and thrived in this framework.
    Ill start by admitting that some of those prescriptions in culture have become irrelevant with time, but for the descerning individual, the underlying and fundamental principles trying to be inculcated still reign true to this day. In a time when culture is all but lost to most of us, the only time one remembers that they have a culture is when they have to do a ruracio, its no wonder a lot of guys find themselves on the back foot when faced with challenges in the home. It’s similar to the man who goes to church on sunday to adhere to the values of christianity, but from monday to saturday puts these values on the back burner. Our cultural values dont just apply to the ceremonies, they are most important when applied in our day to day lives. Young couples are not using any framework, there is no tethering so to speak, they are basically trying to establish anew what took generations to develop, but in a single lifetime. They borrow from many schools of thought, some say they are liberal, others conservative, others radical.. some borrow from science, others from spirituality, western values, values from the far east,you name it, it seems the number approaches being employed by young couples today are as many and as diverse as the number of couples in in the world. Needless to say, years of wisdom vis a vis one lifetime of marital fringe science, the odds of success arent in your favour. The numbers on unsuccesful marriages can validate that claim.
    In conclusion, i wish Alex all the best, but id urge guys not to dismiss our culture in the name of being progressive.Get to know what culture dictates and understand the entire cannon, then decide what still applies in the world we live in today and what is irrelevant. But dont butcher it in its entirity and decide to reinvent the wheel, your energies are better spent elsewhere. I also have to point out that there is a very unsettling arrogance in the way the message is being delivered. 7 years in is a very short time for one to have so much confidence in a largely experimental approach, i’d imagine someone who understands the nature of life and how circumstances can change in the blink of an eye would exude an air of humility in talking about such a highly unorthodox approach to marriage. The article in itself is well meaning, but through out the entire article, i haven’t come across the most important clarifications and believe it would be highly irresponsible for the Alex not to qualify his opinion with a disclaimer saying that this approach is not for everyone. In the absence of that disclaimer, the message being sent out to young couples out there, however inadvertent, is that nothing is true and everything is permitted. That message in itself is the root cause of the general collapse in our social structures today, beginning with the home.




    3
    • Sarah
      15.06.2017

      Culture for the sake of culture is absurd. We are not slaves of culture. It evolves. Times have certianly changed. Gender roles, if you know anyhing about them at all, served the time in which they developed. A time when work was manual and required physical strength. Not anymore. And I must refute your claims that this structure is “successful”. You don’t need to be a sociologist to see that most marriages are a sham. It would be foolish not to question the current structure. Don’t kid yourself. It’s anti-intellectualism disguised as “following what is tried and true”.




      0
      • Gathee
        17.06.2017

        What current structure? My point is that there is currently no structure whatsoever… guys get in to marriage these days with no idea what it means then decide to create their own idea of it with way less success than the strutcures that existed in the time of our forebearers.

        Don’t be quick to assume that those who follow the “tried and true”, are not intellectuals. New is often not always better, particularly when you can’t even place a finger on what this new thing you are replacing the old with is.




        0
        • Sarah
          17.06.2017

          Delude yourself all you want. There is a structure. It’s called patriarchy. Don’t dress it up in respectability by attempting to paint it as amorphous. Name it. This is what you obviously deem to be “orthodox” and “tried and true”. This is the culture you advocate for. A culture that demands that women be subservient appendages of men with no goals or needs of their own, assimilating those of their male partners. A culture that requires men to be stoic and unfeeling and which is responsible for the ever rising male suicide rates. A structure that, basic research would reveal, serves neither men nor women. But supporters of patriarchy and other oppressive systems are often averse to change because they’re scared to lose their privilege. You are basically saying that a man treating his wife as an equal, with goals and dreams worth supporting is “experimental”, “unorthodox”, and should be done cautiously. If the script were flipped and it was the lady being self-sacrificial, no one would warn her to tread lightly. As for anti-intellectualism, look it up. Anti-intellectualism and being an intellectual are not mutually exclusive. All in all, it’s utter BS and I see no need to continue to engage these sentiments as though they are valid.




          1
  • Hannah Njoroge
    13.06.2017

    Great!




    0
  • ngugimbugua
    13.06.2017

    Woah.. Just Woah…




    0
  • sue
    14.06.2017

    I think Alex has a lot more that needed to be told. You should have had more time with him.




    1
  • velisa
    14.06.2017

    best read in while .mix of the good, the bad , the ugly and the truth




    1
  • Gugu
    14.06.2017

    I never read Biko. Because of reasons. This interview, however, was necessary.

    Girl, in my early twenties, earn okay money, 6 fig. My job takes me everywhere, and I can afford at least two vacations a year. Doing rather well for myself, at my age. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is just graduating from college. He is a genius and will soon outearn me if he gets a job that deserves him. Regardless, we are down for anything. Whoever is earning at the time provides. This is not an issue for us and is unlikely to arise. I can see a future as a housewife. In an ideal situation, I would take at 5-10 years off to raise my babies. If it doesn’t work out, he is 100% game to be a house husband. This is 2017.

    Remember kids, gender roles are a sham. And your life is yours. Live it how you like.




    5
  • Kahi L
    15.06.2017

    I live for the moment. Invest in Family, Health and Friendships. Good read.




    0
  • Sarah
    15.06.2017

    I find it interesting…no…stupid…that people who deem themselves fit to lead because they possess a penis are so evidently lacking in the capacity to think logically and consistently. The claim that “patriarchy is at the root of any successful civilization” is as foolish as it is simplistic. That one would take this as a given without question betrays the simple nature of the mind of the maker of this statement. “Housekeeping is for women”. This is all you picked up from lower primary and have stuck with, not bothering to review or rethink views which wiser men have since outgrown and discarded. The male ego is such a pitiful thing. It shouldn’t even be a thing. Because of it, supporting one’s life partner is deemed being “pussy whipped”. Yet the same is expected of women without question. That they should pack up and move across oceans so that men can pursue their careers. Women should have no dreams. It’s a fallacious trade off. Why should a man supporting his lady mean that his dreams are put on the back burner. And so what if they are? This self-sacrificial brand of love has been taught to and is expected of women, but they don’t deserve the same? I’ve got news for you: if your fake ass masculinity is achieved at the expense of women, it ain’t shit. If taking care of your own child equals kukaliwa, you ain’t shit. The phrase “fragile masculinity” is, to me, an oxymoron. If wearing a pink shirt makes you less of aman, were you ever a man? And it’s amazing how triggered the sexists and misogynists are by a man’s account of his life. It’s pitiful really. Ati it’s African culture or sijui it’s in the Bible. You sound like a fucking idiot. Do you even think bro? You’re walking around with your childhood beliefs like a grown man in a toddler’s jeans. And if you’re gonna be inthe patriarchy, don’t half ass it. Don’t ask her to payhalf the rent or work or pay half the fees. Pay it all. This generation really is full of lesser men. And it’s pathetic to watch.




    0
  • Sarah
    15.06.2017

    I find it interesting…no…stupid…that people who deem themselves fit to lead because they possess a penis are so evidently lacking in the capacity to think logically and consistently. The claim that “patriarchy is at the root of any successful civilization” is as foolish as it is simplistic. Racism is at the root of America’s “successful” democracy. Doesn’t make it right. That one would take this as a given without question betrays the simple nature of the mind of the maker of this statement. “Housekeeping is for women”. This is all you picked up from lower primary and have stuck with, not bothering to review or rethink views which wiser men have since outgrown and discarded. The male ego is such a pitiful thing. It shouldn’t even be a thing. Because of it, supporting one’s life partner is deemed being “pussy whipped”. Yet the same is expected of women without question. That they should pack up and move across oceans so that men can pursue their careers. Women should have no dreams. It’s a fallacious trade off. Why should a man supporting his lady mean that his dreams are put on the back burner., while a woman doing the same makes her a “good wife?”. And so what if they are? This self-sacrificial brand of love has been taught to and is expected of women, but they don’t deserve the same? I’ve got news for you: if your fake ass masculinity is achieved at the expense of women, it ain’t shit. If taking care of your own baby equals kukaliwa, you ain’t shit. The phrase “fragile masculinity” is, to me, an oxymoron. If wearing a pink shirt makes you less of a man, were you ever a man? And it’s amazing how triggered the sexists and misogynists are by a man’s account of his life, twitching, glitching, drooling and spasming, barely able to type what they no doubt think is a “hot take” but is nothing more than sexist, misogynistic, patriarchal fecal matter. It’s pitiful really. Ati it’s African culture or sijui it’s in the Bible. You sound like a fucking idiot. FGM is also African culture, let’s bring that back too. Do you even think bro? No. Because whatever is of benefit to you must be “right”,no fucks given about whether it hurts half the population. These are the same folks who call in every morning on a certain crummy morning show. You’re walking around with your childhood beliefs like a grown man in a toddler’s jeans. And if you’re gonna be in the patriarchy, don’t half ass it. Don’t ask her to pay half the rent or work or pay half the fees. Pay it all. This generation really is full of lesser men. And it’s pathetic to watch. You and your poor sons combined will never be half the man Alex is. Thanks for the article Biko. Your best work yet, as far as content goes. Alex, keep doing you. Weaker men would rather sink their marriages in a tall glass of something bitter as “the boys” cheer on than dare to be actual men. I’m done. As you were.




    0
  • Japheth
    20.06.2017

    How can i meet this GAS Man for some free advice?




    0
  • sam
    01.07.2017

    Nice Article




    0
  • mukuhi
    07.07.2017

    WOW!! i have read a lot but this article stands out, i have gained so much truths and advice from this, thank you gas man.




    1
  • Nathaniel Ndegwa
    24.07.2017

    Real nuggets in this one. Love this 40’s series. Keep ’em coming Biko.




    0
  • Gracie
    01.08.2017

    Alex is my kind of husband…Self confident and is not defined by the societal expectations.Not myopic.Gentleman.Loves deeply (he knows that some things in life can be mediocre,but to him not love .Love can’t be mediocre)and puts God at the centre.Heavenly father,I have prayed,kept the Faith,waited(which is hard by the way).I trust you will send such a man my way.
    @Biko ask him if he has a single younger brother or unmarried friend who shares his life virtues..




    2
  • Gem
    22.08.2017

    “..brazen, self aware, unapologetic and deeply reflective..”




    0
  • […] Here’s a worry I have about being thirty though, it feels like adolescence. The twenties were a whirl of confusion but in teenage I felt like I knew. Now I feel like I know. I’m glad that I’ve had the experience of realising that I know nothing at all and if there is something I want to take with me and it’s only one thing it would be that. The realisation that I don’t really know anything even though I think I do. Luckily Bikozulu is doing a series on people turning 40 and that helps. In fact I would recommend to anyone turning thirty that what they need is to read or talk to people who have just turned 40. […]




    0

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