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Babies in Labs

Kim is turning three in a month’s time. My beautiful, beautiful boy. I’m tempted to say that he takes after his father but you cynical people will not believe me. You will roll your eyes and say, ‘Right! Not with that forehead.” Nobody wants you to thrive in this city anymore. I took him to the barber a fortnight ago and Tamms said, “Papa, why don’t we have his hair shaved into a mohawk?” And I said, “I don’t know, darling, I don’t think mommy will like that,” and she responded, “She will like it.” So I said, “If she hates it, tell her that it was your idea, not mine.” She smirked. We got the barber to give him a mohawk complete with two cuts at the front – something Mheshimiwa Ababu would have done when he was a boy. He looked so beautiful…my son that is, not Ababu. His hair kind of reminded me of Jazzy Jeff. (And off to Google, the young-uns go.)

He was never this beautiful though, Kim. At birth he looked like a hamster, like most newborns do. He had gummy eyes and he never opened his mouth except to yawn or feed. And when he opened his mouth the insides resembled a bird’s mouth; pink and toothless. A small perfect O. I liked to watch him yawn; the single most defenceless act you can observe on an infant. When he turned one and half he started looking like a girl and my heart sank. I already had a girl, I didn’t want my son looking a girl. I wanted him to look like a boy.  I used to wonder if he would ever come out of that girl funk. I told God not to play such a cruel prank. I told him, “Lord, don’t be that guy who plays games with features of other people’s sons. It’s not funny.”  You don’t want to meet someone while with your son and daughter and they say, “Wow, your girls have really grown.”

I often wonder what he will look like at 14. Maybe he will be very tall like his great grandfather- Jackshon. Maybe he will be sporty like his grandfather Simon. Or maybe he will gravitate towards the arts like his father, Chocolate Man. I picture him towering and pimply, with a cracking voice, blocking my sun to tell me, “Papa, I was wondering if I could borrow 2K to go to this party for my friend.” And I will say, “When you say ‘borrow’ do you mean you will get a part time job in industrial area and pay it back next month?” He will laugh and I will marvel at how he sounds so much like me when he laughs and looks like his mother when he’s annoyed. Of course by this time I will stop being cool. Even the current millennials will not be cool.

I would have stopped being cool about 10 years back. I have always said to myself that there is nothing that he will embark on in his teenage years that I will fight. If he wants a tattoo of a silver Marabou stork on his back I will tell him Go ahead, but know that at 29 you might wish for someone else’s back and there is nothing worse for a man than to wish for someone else’s back. If he wants to pierce his tongue, or listen to grunge or wear clothes I don’t understand (I already don’t understand Kanye’s clothes, so the possibility of that last one seems quite high already) I will smile and ask “Kim, how is it possible to walk in that thing without being mistaken for a beggar from the Old Testament?”

I hope he likes girls and not boys, but should he like boys what am I going to do about that? I will be out of my depth. If he likes girls I’m certain he will be an ass guy because the apple can’t fall too far from the damn tree. And because at that time society will be open enough where your children can introduce you to their girlfriends, I will be treated to a motley parade of girls as he dates. “I like that one with a lovely chin, Kim. She’s cool.”  (“Papa, nobody says cool anymore. But, yes, Abbie is lots of fun.”) I will take him to a school where he can pretty much become what he wants to become; an artist, a writer, an engineer, an athlete, hell even a quantity surveyor I will take. Anything he wants to pursue. The only condition I will have is that he will not do drugs and never drop out of school. He will study until masters and do whatever the hell he wants.

Maybe one day when he’s 18 and graduating from high school, Tamms will take a picture of us together, showing him as a grown young man, at the cusp of his life, nursing an appetite for it, standing there against a black background of graduands, taller than me now, hungrier than me, a beast straining against his leash. I will look at that picture, taken by a futuristic iPhone that can also switch on a microwave and dye hair, and marvel at how he’s more like me then than ever before, and I will fear for the path he will embark on as a man, and the joys, pains and demons that lie in wait for him. And I will wonder if he’s ready. But who ever is? He will expect manly answers from me and I will be so deep and wise, he will always sit at my feet and look up at me like I’m messiah. I hope I make him laugh a lot. I hope he tells his friends that he doesn’t know what he would do without me. I will have written a firecracker book and I hope he keeps that book in full view in his campus room, where anyone walking in can see it, especially the girls, so they can ask, “Is that your dad?” And he will act nonchalant and shrug, and they will screech, “Oh my God, how is he in person?” and he will say, “He’s just…I don’t know, my dad?” and they will want to meet me and he will probably take advantage of the one he really likes before she gets to meet me. You know how university is, any leverage is fair game. I hope he’s proud of me. I hope I’m proud of him. I hope he and his sister grow up to be respectful and humble; good people. I hope they go back to SDA, a church I stopped connecting with.  

With all this pride and hope for my son’s future, I sometimes wonder how then, a man would wake up one day and realise that they were raising someone else’s child. When one afternoon they sit in their car alone and they open an envelope with DNA results shattering everything they know; that their daughter or son isn’t theirs. Has never been. That in his son’s veins flow the blood of another man. That his nails and hair and teeth aren’t from him. He will go back to his office and look at the framed pictures of his kids, really stare at them hard, and wonder how the hell he didn’t see that the children looked nothing like him. Maybe he will weep. Maybe he will be enraged. Maybe he will be numb. Maybe he will close his office at 3pm and go for a long drive along the Southern bypass.

You guys know Sophie Gitonga, right? Mama Pendo. She writes about food here sometimes, when she’s feeling ‘inspired’. Her day job is as a DNA scientist. She does paternity tests on the daily. I asked her what creates that spark of doubt in men to question that the kids they are raising aren’t theirs. I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?”

Does that spark a paternity conversation?

Or if you have a forehead like mine and you sire three children and none come out with your distinct forehead, is that enough reason to have some doubt? Do you know how when God gives some people a big forehead or a big head and you people look at them and say, “Aki God can be so unfair!” Well, unbeknownst to the rest, that is a good thing because folks like us might not need a paternity test. Our foreheads are paternity tests. Can all the fathers with big heads seated back there say, “Amen!”?

Sophie told me that what sparks the paternity test conversation is something so random like your wife or ex-wife or girlfriend shouting at you during a confrontation that the children are not even yours. Or the child at birth coming out looking like Amitabh Bachchan while your clan comes from deep within the Tugen Hills. Or you overhearing your grandmother say, “Those feet are not from this family.” So you spend nights going to your child’s bedroom while they are asleep and staring at their feet, and whispering in the darkness, “Whose feet are these?”

Men have sneaked her, Sophie, into their homes while their wives stepped out, and there she has taken saliva swabs from sleeping children. Men have sent her toothbrushes, strands of hair, pieces of nails, pieces of baby clothing all sealed in envelopes. If cops ever pulled Sophie over, mistaking her car for one that had been reported stolen, they would find all sorts of human parts in it. Some voodoo shit, they will conclude.  They will ask her, “Madam, wewe ni Mkenya ama unatoka Tanga?”

When the results are in, there is overwhelming relief for those who suspected the babies weren’t theirs, but deep shock for those who thought the babies were in fact theirs. Sometimes she breaks the news while they sit in parking lots. You spend 22K and wait for 10 days to seek the truth and once it’s there in your face, once it comes into your space, you are shell shocked beyond belief.

Some men chuckle and stare at nothing for the longest time, with only their nostrils indicating any sign of life.  Some order for more coffee. Some change the topic and talk about other things like they didn’t just receive devastating news. Some stare at the pictures of their children on their phones like they are a new species and sigh. Some stare at the results and ask cynically, “What if you made a mistake?” “I never make mistakes.” Sophie says softly, shattering what little hope they are still clinging to. Some don’t say anything. They simply mumble a barely audible “thanks” and leave and for days afterwards, Sophie listens out for a domestic homicide being reported in the media. They never cry. Some men ask what happens now that he already named his son, rather, the son he thought was his, after his father? Or a daughter after his mom? What happens now when he has put the name of the most important person in his life on another’s man’s child?

And what happens after that? Do you leave? Do you stay? Do you stop loving those kids? What happens if you have known they were yours for 13 years? Do you ask who the real father is? Do you ask why? Even though why is the most inadequate question ever?

Do you even want to know who the father of the kid you are raising is? Where is he? How did you meet him? Does he know? He knows?! The hell? Does he send money? His feet are large, right? Like little Cindy’s. I always knew those feet were odd, it’s the way the small toes disappeared. Our little toes don’t disappear.

But most importantly, whether you stay or leave, will your child get to know you aren’t the real father? Do they have to know? You could be seated there, reading this article and thinking, ‘Oh, God, people go through shit?’ But what if your father isn’t your father? You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father? Even if his Adam’s apple is the size of a stress ball?

196 Responses
  • Shiro
    27.09.2016

    Thought provoking as always




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  • Sanny
    27.09.2016

    Ok.Let me read!!




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  • Fatuma
    27.09.2016

    Happy birthday Kim.




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  • Austin
    27.09.2016

    This has got me thinking deep.I think I am my fathers son. Anyways good read.




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  • Davi K
    27.09.2016

    ‘He looked so beautiful…my son that is, not Ababu. His hair kind of reminded me of Jazzy Jeff. (And off to Google, the young-uns go.)’
    Hilarious.




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  • Mercy Iguta
    27.09.2016

    yaaay!!!
    this is a good piece 😄😄




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  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    27.09.2016

    Ati you stealth into your child’s bedroom and stare at their feet asking “whose feet are these?”. Hahaha I hope the good Lord won’t let me get to such dark depths. And speaking of which I realise now that my pinky looks just like my dad’s. Should he ever have any doubts I’ll be like, “but forget what mum even said, our pinkies are identical dad. I know you’re my father”. Alafu Biko the only time when your son will admit they can’t imaging life without you is when they are out of your house and life hits them by the balls and you come in to rescue them because you can’t stand as they suffer and squirm and then they’ll then realise you’re probably cool after all. Good read as always.




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    • Victor
      27.09.2016

      so true! You go out into the world and suddenly your parents seem really wise .




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  • Victor
    27.09.2016

    “A beast straining against his leash!” That’s how I want little man to be remembered. If this ever happened to me, despite the obvious pain implied, I’d stay and that child would be no less mine than before I knew. Too many men leave & become statistics, one has to be different.




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    • Esther
      27.09.2016

      Like your views Victor




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    • Anne
      27.09.2016

      Gosh! How old are you? You very wise at your age! ‘too many men leave and become statistics, one has to be different’. Wow… you’ve educated me, a mom of 4 little young men!




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    • Maxine
      28.09.2016

      Wonderful thinking. Its not the child’s fault after all




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    • Savvy
      11.10.2016

      You can stay for the child, but could you bear the pain your partner’s betrayal? How would you stay together without the trust? It’s not as easy a decision as “just staying for the child”




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  • Wangari
    27.09.2016

    Quite deep!




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  • T.K
    27.09.2016

    Wow top ten! I think that is your child and if you raise him he/she is yours.. Thanks Chocolate man




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  • Naomi
    27.09.2016

    Wow! I’ve never deeply thought of ‘DNA things’ like this. I think my greatest worry (if I was a man) would be, ‘Should I stop loving the kids now that they aren’t mine?’ or ‘Do I have it in me to continue loving them knowing that they are not my blood?’. I think this is one hard and confusing discovery. Very complicated. Great post as usual, biko.




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  • muthoni
    27.09.2016

    Curious!




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  • Malaika
    27.09.2016

    POOR LITTLE SOULS. We grown ups should be responsible with our baby-making-pleasure-giving organs.I only feel bad for those little lives that will be caught up in the storm.




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  • justahater
    27.09.2016

    That…or you could drop dead at 36 and leave your wife and kids to another man




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  • Beatrice Awange
    27.09.2016

    After 32 years? Hell no. they say “baba ni yule analea, sio yule wa kuzalisha” or something like that. I would not want to know




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  • Dickson
    27.09.2016

    Sophie must have one hell of a life. How does she concentrate on making a Tikil Gomen minutes after shattering a man’s life? Does she feel their pain, or is she one stone cold scientist? I wouldn’t know how to present that kind of news to a man with a little girl’s picture as his iPhone wallpaper, and tell him that the little beautiful girl isn’t his.

    I think he is my son though, he has a penchant for knives. That’s a Meru thing, right?




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    • karwitha
      27.09.2016

      Hehe, right




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  • @clif_the_tall
    27.09.2016

    HAHAHA this article so damn funny… ati even if his Adam’s apple is the size of a stress ball? Really? i give up… But raising someone’s kid is tricky.

    Am very sure am my fathers son. We look alike. The only difference is the height. I got that from my grand father. Excellent read as always.




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    • Mr. Nduta
      27.09.2016

      Endelea kujiconsole ati you got the height from your grandfather! What if you got the height form your real father?




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      • Client
        27.09.2016

        Hahahaha… Aki nduta




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      • @clif_the_tall
        29.09.2016

        hahaha… shindwaaa lol. Tunafanana Mr. Nduta hehe




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  • G
    27.09.2016

    Why did you stop connecting with SDA??




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  • Stephen Gitau
    27.09.2016

    you know in campus what you wish for your son will probably happen. but truly that one sparked paternity conversation in my mind…what would I do if they are not mine?….




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  • Elvis
    27.09.2016

    nice…




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  • Nyar Oyando
    27.09.2016

    But what if your father isn’t your father? You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father? Even if his Adam’s apple is the size of a stress ball?
    Hehe, a stressball, seriously Chocolate man.
    Great read!!
    I am my father’s daughter, I took after his 5 ft 11 height and the signature African flared nose.




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    • Kay
      27.09.2016

      Not to burst your bubble.BT u CNT say that with certainty. Plenty of men esp in Africa are tall with flared noses.LOL




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      • Nyar Oyando
        27.09.2016

        LOL, I know that particular nose, it not common, it gets crooked when I smile, it is embedded in my DNA. With immovable certitude, I know am his.




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        • Wambui
          27.09.2016

          whatif its your uncle’s nose???




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          • Dk
            27.09.2016

            He he. That’s mean.




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          • Nyar Oyando
            27.09.2016

            Hahaha,yea right, he was the only child with no extended family, that better be convincing




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          • danbarasa.db@gmail.com
            28.09.2016

            Heheheee




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  • abdullah omar
    27.09.2016

    it is in deed very painful to realize that what you reap is not what you sow.however
    this fixation with paternity tests is now tied to material inheritance than the
    purity of the seed.days of yore you could be as black as coal and sire a snow
    white brat and the village would knowingly wink ”ah taken after his grandpa
    long gone”and that was that.the village lives.but now!




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  • Chichi
    27.09.2016

    Naaah, my father is my father and will forever be.This will never change.




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  • Muthoni
    27.09.2016

    What’s worse Biko people saying your girl looks like a boy or your boy looks like a girl?
    http://www.treatsonabudget.co.ke/




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  • Nomzamo
    27.09.2016

    You always ace it, good read!




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  • akiru
    27.09.2016

    Once a palm reader told me “your father is not your father” and yet I’m his favourite child, his firstborn. I think about it now and then. I don’t want to know if its true or not.




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    • Waci
      28.09.2016

      Palm reader…why would you go to see one? I’ve always been fascinated by people who see palm readers…sorry to ask.




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  • Njeri
    27.09.2016

    My son is a splitting image of his father, it’s even creepy; from the forehead all the way to the toe. Even the feet little feet are his hehe. I am the one who’s worried about whether am the mother, hehe..But can’t imagine what people go through when they find they are not the real fathers. Good read though




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  • Mercy Iguta
    27.09.2016

    I wouldn’t want to see my real father though….the one who cared and loved me is my real father




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  • ojijo
    27.09.2016

    hehehe….damn…!!! i don’t want to know…but i also don’t want to have only one child…risk management…yes?




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  • Ahol
    27.09.2016

    Nice read CM




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  • Kay
    27.09.2016

    I know someone who knows one of his kids is not his..I tell him he is brave to keep on pretending. He says the mum will bare the cross of her lies.clearly he doesn’t know how guilt free women can be.I’ve always wondered how the women can leave with it though.constantly worried if her secret will come out.Unfortunately most men are also clueless on paternity.some cousin comments “he has your forehead” and you begin to see that forehead even if it doesn’t exist…my advice to men.you would rather not know.fatherhood is more than seed at the end of the day(read the secret lives of baba segis wives)..if I found out my fathers isn’t daddy(I still call him daddy to date)anymore I think I’d first be shocked/maybe..maybe angry that mum would lie.But am also old enough to realise that she probably had her reasons.my dad is my dad.he raised me.I CNT start looking for some random man somewhere just to seek some genetic validation.




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    • divine light
      27.09.2016

      “They could feel the guilt but bare it knowing the world doesn’t know her dearest husband is impotent.a secret she’ll carry to the grave




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    • salim
      27.09.2016

      “I CNT start looking for some random man somewhere just to seek some genetic validation”. That’s a statement from a real hero living in reality! I salute you




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      • Dina
        28.09.2016

        It isn’t always about genetic validation. It’s about meeting a man of whom without, you could as well be non-existent.




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    • Wanjuhi
      03.10.2016

      First ‘The secret life of Baba Segis Wives’ is one of my favourites book!
      Second I agree if I found out my Dad wasn’t my father I would not go looking for the other guy, especially if my Dad was good to me
      I do feel for the guys who findout the kids arent theres it must be heartbreaking; I would love to hear from the ladies who keep it secret. What’s the motivation?




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      • Waichungo
        04.10.2016

        Hey, do you have a download link to baba segis on amazon after the first mention andI would like to give it a deeper look…




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  • Saitoti
    27.09.2016

    You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father?… That has got me thinking.. It’s deep to the bone marrow




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  • Kevine
    27.09.2016

    You accept and move on. The damage has already been done. Reminded me of Ntimama son




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  • jennifer
    27.09.2016

    nice read,refreshing too.DNA issues are headaches us women rarely have to deal with.




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    • esther
      27.09.2016

      true. until 3 women show up with kids looking like yours at his funeral.




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      • Muthoni
        01.10.2016

        Hahahahaha!




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  • Merci Jowi
    27.09.2016

    Deep Biko, deep. I believe i am my father’s daughter.




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  • Achero caroline
    27.09.2016

    Eish…waited a long time for this. My day is made and yes, body parts are express DNA tests. My son inherited my behind so yeah, he has a girl’s behind. I hope it will look manly though soon. I don’t want him to get comments like “you have a good figure! “




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  • Judy
    27.09.2016

    Fatherhood is about who was there when u needed a father figure, just accept and move on.




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  • Njagi
    27.09.2016

    Hard questions indeed. suppose my kids or rather the kids I call mine are actually not mine?




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  • Client
    27.09.2016

    Families are difficult. Is the pain of discovering that the kids you raise aren’t yours similar to the one ladies go through after discovering that their men have children outside?




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    • Victor
      27.09.2016

      It’s different but at the sa,e time relatable, I think.




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  • Linda Musimbi
    27.09.2016

    So Sophie is a DNA Scientist? I would have thought!I have no doubt my father is my father because I have a gap on my front teeth just like him and my other relatives




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    • Wambui
      27.09.2016

      the tragedy is that another relative could be your dad




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      • Gakii
        27.09.2016

        Haha..another tragedy is that Wambui will not let Linda thrive on these streets.




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    • Linda Musimbi
      27.09.2016

      Oh no…but I still believe he is my dad lol!




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  • Kaluki Kyalo
    27.09.2016

    It’s quite frightening to even start thinking that I am not my father’s daughter….I would never believe. He’s my dad!




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  • Jabay
    27.09.2016

    wah!!! but for me i know my sons are mine……they are a duplicate of me…from behaviour to looks….




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    • Kay
      27.09.2016

      Those are things pple force you to see…like he has yiur eyes.smile.usually thats just BS..and we all know humans can look alike.maybe your wofe picked your doppleganger.hehehe.and behaviour can be more nurture than nature.just say you HOPE they are yours.




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  • LK
    27.09.2016

    A parent, is not necessarily the biological one. Some chldren even at 32yrs after finding out this though hurtful, do not form that connection with that biological father/mother.




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  • James Ruigu
    27.09.2016

    I was never really good at math but I think that chocolate man is going to stop being cool after one year
    “Kim is turning three in a month’s time. “….”Of course by this time I will stop being cool. Even the current millennials will not be cool.
    I would have stopped being cool about 10 years back” where is my actuarial science degree? Shall I apply for Mworia’s Job?




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  • Sophia
    27.09.2016

    This brings back memories…. somehow I dont want to know!




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  • Wairimu Wa Chege
    27.09.2016

    “You could be seated there, reading this article and thinking, ‘Oh, God, people go through shit?’ But what if your father isn’t your father? You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father?” Deep!




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  • DB
    27.09.2016

    Amen!




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  • Louis Wamukoya
    27.09.2016

    Risk management indeed!!




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  • Murugi
    27.09.2016

    Awesome piece got me thinking the cards are held by the women afterall




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  • Missy Missy
    27.09.2016

    Wow ! So sad – the DNA part. #tears for such men. Poleni. May the wives bums squirm in pain till they reveal the truth. Umphhhhh!!




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  • Tough call.
    Reminds me of the time I was pregnant and my baby’s father begun to cause problems just because ‘he didn’t want to be a father’ at the time. Wah! He took me to hell and back. Then baby came out. God made her a carbon copy of him; especially her toes, legs ‘her forehead’ and even her bums..which isn’t a bad thing because he is good looking. My friends kept on saying that it would be difficult for me to completely forget him. Well..ten years on, and I’m happy to say I’ve moved on..have forgiven all, and I no longer think he is a jackass. Though my daughter has my personality, she stands and walks exactly like her dad.
    The mature thing would be to continue bringing the child up in love. The child is innocent and blameless in this scenario, so continue being a father to them. Of course for a man bringing up a boy in house, depending on how deeply entrenched he is in culture and tradition, it may affect him kidogo given that Kenya leans towards patriarchy…but it would be dumb for a guy to distance himself from children he’s called his own for that reason. I hear people saying, ‘Oh..when the child grows up they will want to look for their real dad..’ Even though they will, if you have played a part taking care of a child, they will never forget you…they will just be part of another home.




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    • Lolo
      28.09.2016

      The swahili say, “hakuna mwanaharamu, kitendo ndicho haramu,”
      and I agree, the children are innocent, they never chose who their parents will be. It takes more than just donating your sperm to be a dad, kulea ndio kazi.




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  • Richard
    27.09.2016

    It would be shocking to know am not the father to my son, but this also raises the question is fatherhood about how i raise the child or DNA contribution??




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    • Numbi Edwin
      28.09.2016

      Very true Richard….its about how we raise our children…




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    • Numbi Edwin
      28.09.2016

      Am my father’s son…..adams apple is a complete copy and paste…and that will be our paternity test…kwanza if i get boys….nice read chocolate man




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  • Kamau Mwangi
    27.09.2016

    you just made me think about things in a totally different way. You truly reap what you sow.




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  • suchislife222
    27.09.2016

    Well…. The truth is,Father hood or lets even say parenthood is more about the relationships built between the child and would be parent than it is about the DNA that runs through us.. After all these years if I found out my father was not my father biologically , I would not care – its the relationship that counts.. Not the DNA!!
    Great read ~ And si you let me take you and your fam back to SDA ?? 🙂




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  • Kadonye
    27.09.2016

    Well I look everything like my mom…which I’m grateful for because dad wasn’t around much. But I did inherit his nose…can’t escape these noses/foreheads/feet




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  • feli
    27.09.2016

    Honestly Biko I do not know what the fuss is all
    about DNA.I was brought up by a step father. I
    do not know my biological father and I don’t feel
    the need to know or meet the man. I feel nothing
    as regards the man.
    I intend to adopt kids some day.
    Mtoto ni kulea sio kuzaa.After all exactly how
    do you think knowing my biological father would
    change how I turned out. My step father
    was everything I would want in a father




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    • wavinya
      27.09.2016

      that is the reality for most people nowadays.
      With men who abandon their families and do not want to take responsibility for their own, I applaud those who step up and take care of children who they did not sire but who they love and care for as if they did . kudos to yours.




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    • Miss Adeny.
      27.09.2016

      All my Life i have met People who express shock when they learn that i don’t know my father.Am often asked how it feels like and if it bothers me and my answer is always the same,i don’t care. In-fact his absence has never been significant,let alone the need to know his identity popping up in my head in the past 24yrs. Life continues to be fine and normal.My father is the man who has diligently played his role throughout these Years. If i ever meet the man who sired me(for one day i will)i’ll gladly want to listen to his side of the story not that my Mum has ever given me hers.




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  • Kimutai
    27.09.2016

    Saying what people think at 3AM!




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  • Min Krasi
    27.09.2016

    A friend got a baby who looks nothing like her or her hubby..everyone makes that comment when they see the baby…she doesnt want to know…love the baby..its not their fault…




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  • wavinya
    27.09.2016

    beautiful piece ..I don’t know if the title matches the content though. I thought it would be about IVF or something.




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  • Its Marcel
    27.09.2016

    In future i hope Kim gets less worried about a fairy-tale romance and concentrate that energy in finding someone who can cook first-class chapos to subdue his appetite for warus. Chapos that can make Uhuru and Ruto never eat in a kibanda while being photographed in a deliberate attempt to boost their public relation and rubberstamp their humility. Chapos that can make Zuckerberg forget about Mama Oliech’s fish and make Kenyans move on from the fact that a geeky mzungu ate fish in this country!And just incase you find out that you never sired Tamms nor Kim, find solace in the fact that they might be testtube babies.Blame Aliens and these sperm donors who are on the loose!




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    • AFRICAN
      27.09.2016

      🙂




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    • Chiri
      27.09.2016

      Hahaha,,i like.




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  • Dee
    27.09.2016

    I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?”

    I just one of my loudest laughs ever at the office! Eish! I love warus and githeri and cabbage. Should I start having doubts ?
    I loved this article so much




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  • Jules
    27.09.2016

    Very fascinating just to theoretically see how beautiful Kim was and is, as he is about to turn 3…very saddening when someone realizes they are raising someone else’s child, it a tough world when some wonder if anyone ever wanted to raise you as their child. Questions you ask yourself when you have never had a chance to have a father in your life.




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  • Njugunas_son
    27.09.2016

    Only a father would relate with the pain. Kids do something to you,just looking into their faces, watching them mumble to themselves while playing or feeling secretly proud when they stand up to you or question the wisdom of your many moons. We all have dreams and make plans for our children… Who they will become.. The virtues we will inculcate…teach them to bear this life. And the difference between your child and the next is the knowledge that they are Gods direct gift and responsibility to you. Blood of my blood flesh of my flesh….no pain equates to the loss of a child…and this is such an instance.




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  • The C
    27.09.2016

    I would say let it be.Don,t even think of it, love them and father the kids. After all, no kid should experience this!!




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  • Lizzy
    27.09.2016

    The saddest part is the children, how do you tell them? do you ever tell them? heartbreak a brittle heart? I think as a man or woman you should gather up the strength and be who you have been to that child. Go raise hell with their mothers! but do you? what if they run off with the child? it’s a tricky one this one.
    speaking of which I am 33 and never met my biological dad, not even interested, don’t even care.. if he never bother when I was a brittle heart? what’s he gonna do with this tough, well grown independent woman brought up by another man?




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  • Melancholic mercy
    27.09.2016

    Wow an awesome read as usual




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  • Roselyne
    27.09.2016

    Am my fathers daughter even he knows..He is raising his daughter, i wouldn’t put him through such trauma. Its unfair




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  • omaijelimo
    27.09.2016

    Wawawawawaa….




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  • Anne
    27.09.2016

    Great read! Actually I had to google Jazzy Jeff….so does that make me one of the young-uns?




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  • Ochibo
    27.09.2016

    Biko. your good.




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  • jetoloXD
    27.09.2016

    I suppose when moms drag along senile shoshos across half the counties to “drink tea” (read: baby shower) and covertly run forensics to ascertain if the kiddo is new addition to the Katweng’a clan and hoping you overhear them saying something like “ogwande chal gi waya motedo kajulu yawa” to expunge any doubt. its unfathomable if Sophie proves them all wrong !




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  • NANCY MUTEKWA
    27.09.2016

    always looking forward to Tue… this cracked me ” If he likes girls I’m certain he will be an ass guy because the apple can’t fall too far from the damn tree.”

    https://zuruafrika.wordpress.com




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  • Nicholas Rotich
    27.09.2016

    What I gleamed (always wanted to use this wrd) is how I would like to let my son grow give them a false sense of freedom




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    • TNgash
      30.09.2016

      Gleaned you mean.




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  • xie
    27.09.2016

    Wow! That can get really scary!




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  • Joan
    27.09.2016

    Am i reminded of Mutula Kilonzo Jnr? You are a great person Biko.Dad and you right your way to many hearts and souls.




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    • Joan
      27.09.2016

      write sorry




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  • Anonymous until further notice
    27.09.2016

    I have been looking for African literature to read this weekend but just now I am making a decision to just roam around this site.Thank you for sharing your creativity with us Biko.




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  • veeh
    27.09.2016

    and for days afterwards, Sophie listens out for a domestic homicide being reported in the media….hahaha




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  • nikiwe
    27.09.2016

    wow this is too deep.but all in all the real parent is the one taking care of you.anyone can sire a child but real daddies are those that are there in their kids life whether biological or otherwise.




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  • Kyengo "CK
    27.09.2016

    Sobering piece today! Am certain every one is reflecting.




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  • The Nilot
    27.09.2016

    Biko you didn’t say what you would do if you found out you were not your father’s son. Would that change your outlook on who you are now?




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  • Makobu
    27.09.2016

    In the early 2000’s before ARVs were widely available, there was an unwritten rule that it was better not to know your HIV status. I think this DNA issue fits quite snuggly in the above scenario. From inability to let well alone,Good Lord deliver us!! (Sir. Thomas Hutchinson 1871-1960)




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  • Diana Mwagi
    27.09.2016

    I really hope my dad’s my dad. And no offense mum but I might equally have that man checked… Smh..
    Good read Biko.




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  • jackie
    27.09.2016

    been staring at my own feet since i finished reading this article. haven’t been able to do anything constructive coz i’m busy wondering whose feet i really take after. they neither look like my dad’s or mum’s…not even a combination of the both of them. a part from eliciting thoughts and doubts in dads, this article has elicited thoughts in me as a daughter. i’m i really my father’s daughter…lol i for sure i am! my father’s daughter indeed. the ‘obamblo’ toe nails cant be missed. Good read sir




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  • Waichungo
    27.09.2016

    Pondering it all, but at the end of the day I’d rather not know – though am sure am Dad’s – let me sip on as I flip through these emotional comments hoping I will still get to write a review of the ‘flickering book’ before Kim leverages it in shgging hid dads fans…




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  • Ben
    27.09.2016

    Geez! thanks a lot Biko,for casting that seed of doubt.Now i’m going just to have to inspect babys feet.




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  • Njooro
    27.09.2016

    Has really tapped into the fears people have, our insecurities and all. But personally, am “Team Nature vs Nature.” Nature wins all the time. Even among genetically identical twins rated apart, they turn out different is raised different.




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  • David
    27.09.2016

    The thought of it shudders me. Nothing could be more depressing than living a lie




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  • Caro
    27.09.2016

    Story of my life. Discovered my dad is not actually my dad. He doesnt know though, I’m 35




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  • lilian
    27.09.2016

    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this one has got me thinking now than ever
    i was never my fathers child .




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  • Angela
    27.09.2016

    Its weird how men react to being lied to yet do it all the time. Its also a very sad statistic how most men become monsters after they get those results and forget that they are the only father or dad that the munchkin has known their entire life. I know the betrayal hurts but the kids had nothing to do with that decision so don’t punish them for it.




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  • Marie Becca
    27.09.2016

    Its a wrap and given this thought provoking article. I need Sophie’s email




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  • kisali
    27.09.2016

    very tough call! realy very! but its more than just blood that make us family




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  • Wambui
    27.09.2016

    Nice. I’ve missed the mix of emotions your writing evokes.




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  • Ethea
    27.09.2016

    I dont understand Kanye’s wardrobe either.




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  • Emmanuel Dennis
    27.09.2016

    Deep. Very deep. This is the sole conversation many men go through in silent.
    Many a cases have ended up fatal. Others have ended up breaking marriages.
    others suffer in silence because what has life got to do with hate?
    Sometimes accepting the truth and moving on with life.
    Life has a way of giving you back the opportunity.
    My heart goes out there to many who are in search of answers.




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  • NANCY MUTEKWA
    27.09.2016

    still thinking , is he really my dad?
    https://zuruafrika.wordpress.com




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  • Njeri
    27.09.2016

    So did mama Kim cause drama when she saw the mohawk? I can imagine you saying “It was Tamms’ idea” then Tamms snakes you hehe!




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  • Ruby Omondi
    27.09.2016

    No i wouldn’t want to meet my realfather. Should I discover today that the man whom I totally love being daughter to, isn’t my father, really. I imagine I’d be broken that all the features I thought I got from him were not even from him. Maybe I’ll wonder silently about my real father and wish i hadn’t known the truth. But I hope I’d still be content and happy being my father’s daughter (the one who raised me up. Not the real one ).
    Thanks Biko, you engaged my emotions. As usual.




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  • Redempta Bisangwa
    27.09.2016

    as always you got me hitched…will ponder on this for a fact but surely i am my own mothers’LOL




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  • Vanessa
    27.09.2016

    I think Sophie is now in my bucket list of people I have to meet. Otherwise, feet-staring in the dark.. haha so hilarious. Good read Mr.




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  • Mercy
    27.09.2016

    My father is the man who raised me. Hio ingine ni genetic validation like someone said. Now that i am the only vertically challenged person in my family should i begin to question my paternity? Physical attributes remain just that. Fatherhood is more than just DNA dispensing. Interesting article Biko and quite thought provoking. Happy birthday Kim, I really hope some day he reads what you write chocolate man.




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  • Musa
    27.09.2016

    On the flip side, there are children who detest and berate their fathers they hope they didn’t sire them. An example was Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart. He held his father, Unoka, in low regard almost believing he wasn’t his biological father. Then Okonkwo’s son, Nwoye, was a copy of the grandfather both in character and looks.




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  • Amos
    27.09.2016

    ok, this got me thinking, i was raised by a single mother and in my now 23 years of life i have never garnered enough courage to ask her who my father is. How does it feel to have a father??? guess ill never find out but ill make sure that i become the best dad to my kids!




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  • Racheal
    27.09.2016

    Hahahaha feet staring




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  • Django
    27.09.2016

    And there you go Biko with your old people presumptions. Of course we know Jazzy Jeff, he was in almost every episode of The Fresh Prince




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  • Odipo Riaga
    27.09.2016

    “…taken by a futuristic iPhone that can also switch on a microwave and dye hair”. The current iPhone can switch on a microwave and dry hair.




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  • owira
    27.09.2016

    Hahahaha reminds me once my dads peroz went visiting their in laws then as i passed greeting my grandpa (my dads old man) tells my mums peroz “huyu naye ni wenu….” sb get me Sophie!!




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  • Pellen
    27.09.2016

    Whose feet are these?
    Hilary and sad to know there are pple who go through such but do I know my real dad anyway?




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  • Xyz
    27.09.2016

    I know Sophie..:-)




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  • Marwa
    27.09.2016

    Good read Biko, and thought provoking too!!




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  • Cathy
    27.09.2016

    Emotional piece. I know am my fathers daughter,got his height,toes and mannerisms, no one can convince me otherwise.
    Biko what up with being a quantity surveyor?:)




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    • Jane Maina
      29.09.2016

      yeah! thought i was the only one bothered. I co-ask Biko.




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  • Rozie
    28.09.2016

    Been married for 8yrs. For four years we struggled to get a child.turned out hubby was impotent. I went through insemination and conceived baby boy. will be 3yrs in a month also. Spent a whole lot of money on this.wanted a second child but couldn’t afford to go for the artificial thing.so I conceive naturally with another man. I have given my husband a family.and he is a great father.biologically the boys are not his. Being a father is more than donating sperm, en more than the DNA.




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  • Regina mwengi
    28.09.2016

    With all this pride and hope for
    my son’s future, I sometimes wonder
    how then, a man would wake up one day
    and….you completely caught me off guard with your
    Line of thought…I expected you to say “and walk away
    From the child’s life and decide not to be a part
    Of that child’s future and still find peace in their
    lives”…referring to absentee fathers…maybe one day you can
    Ask the same question differently ” what sparks such
    Thoughts in a man?”…
    they open




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  • Sco
    28.09.2016

    this is an good read as always. I think I am my father’s daughter though I don’t see what would change by realising he isn’t my dad when am 32. I think being a father is more than just getting someone pregnant. bringing up a child well is what real fatherhood is about.




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  • F
    28.09.2016

    Sophie should have counselling services after delivery of the results. Kinda like what VCTs do. Love this piece 🙂




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  • Brian
    28.09.2016

    Good read, loved it




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  • Denno
    28.09.2016

    Thought provoking. Good read as usual chocolate man




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  • Ms. M
    28.09.2016

    The thought that I could not be my father’s daughter scares me to death…..living a lie all your life can be really scary..




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  • Anthony
    28.09.2016

    Whoever discovered this DNA staff came to destroy the society. Life was so good without him.




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  • jeremy
    28.09.2016

    Checkded Sophie’s profile on LinkedIn and this is apparently what she studied in college..”University Of Nairobi
    Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery (M.B.B.S.). MMed (OTOLARYNGOLOGY HEAD AND NECK SURGERY)., ENT Surgery, Facial aesthetic and cosmetic surgery…I mean wtf is that eve??




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  • Kevin Ochieng
    28.09.2016

    Good Read, you never disappoint chocolate man.However you need to reconnect with the SDA church.




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  • Eric
    28.09.2016

    Quite thought provoking…. For me it would change nothing between me and the child. I will continue loving him/her the same. they will get what`s rightfully theirs in terms of inheritance and all..As for the mother, we better have had said a joyful goodbye that morning because that would be the last time we talk




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  • its jcee
    28.09.2016

    My thoughts after reading this….then what makes a man discriminate against his legitimate and illegitimate children? bottom line they are all children…..they carry your genes separated by a marriage certificate . how then do such men sleep at night? do they ever wake up at 3 a.m and think hows my illegitimate son or daughter? Did they even have supper or are they sleeping hungry?




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  • Tush
    28.09.2016

    And that article somewhere around Nairobi Or mombasa,,Or Turkana have for sure sparked a paternity conversation
    Biko you home wrecker!!




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  • Anne
    28.09.2016

    I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?” This got me cracking despite the seriousness of the matter!!




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  • Shephy
    28.09.2016

    awesome reading




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  • Fred
    28.09.2016

    I’ll be cool forever Biko( or whatever they’ll be calling hip then ) Also there’s ‘no fair’ game in university anymore ,the odds are against us millenials.




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  • ann
    28.09.2016

    good read as always. Happy belated birthday to beautiful lil’ Kim.( i almost wrote Kimmy hehehe)
    lemme ask, for those brought up by single moms, would you freely go to your mother seeking to know your dad? i feel like this is the hardest thing ever.




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  • Rita Mbae
    28.09.2016

    Nice piece as always chocolate man




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  • June
    28.09.2016

    Why is the most inadequate question ever! #sigh




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  • Nkatha
    28.09.2016

    Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.




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    • wendy
      29.09.2016

      powerful




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  • Millie
    28.09.2016

    AMEN! (for the big forehead/head….)




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  • Gakii
    28.09.2016

    Nice one. The law now protects children born in marriage from undergoing DNA testing.
    May Kim grow to be a strong man. I have enjoyed the reading as usual




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  • Dalla Combs
    28.09.2016

    Thats how a father would feel… but picture it this way, after years of mistreatment from your father, you one day walk on him telling your mum during an argument, that he thinks you are not his son and that your mum should find you your real dad. And at that time you are only 12? How are you supposed to live in that family? Then after years of living in that situation you take it upon youself to do a parternity test without their knowledge only to find out that he is actually your real dad.Do you hate him or love him?




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  • Simbi
    28.09.2016

    Off to Sophie. I have got to do that paternity test.




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  • Nita
    29.09.2016

    I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?”




    0
  • Susan
    29.09.2016

    Quite interesting….after going through a WhatsApp screen shot doing the rounds of some supposedly pregnant chic being dissed by the dude responsible. It was a one night stand and they barely know each other. The lady says she can’t abort and will nail the pregnancy on a different dude!




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  • TNgash
    30.09.2016

    My precious little princess..I definitely would never stop loving her any less if this happened to me…Can’t say the same about the mom though.




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  • Planets
    30.09.2016

    paternity is more of a privilege than a right.




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  • Lydz
    30.09.2016

    For the sake of hereditary diseases and “weird” famiy traits I think children should know who their biological parent(s) are if known. I have watched way too many docus of people looking for their parent(s) one was prompted by a kidney disease to do so at the age of 49 others just want a sense of belonging and to find out about their roots how else would you explain an 80plus year old woman sending her 60 year old son out into the world to try and find her birth mother’s family and finfind out that she actually has a half brother halfway across the world. At some point a child who is old enough should know the circumstances regarding their birth if not being raised by the biological parent(s).




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  • MARY
    03.10.2016

    Granted the things that me and my father have been through…..its more than DNA! but if he turned out not to mine, i would still be his




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  • Beth
    03.10.2016

    Wooow, such a nice story..o love it. And that makes me believe my daughter’s dad is her real dad. Anyway well done. You can follow me up on ellywordblog.wordpress.com




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  • Wanga
    03.10.2016

    Amazing that Sophie writes so well,is a foodie and has a day job as DNA scientist! Amazing.




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  • Kentmwokoz
    04.10.2016

    Big one here Bike. That Father stuff is too deep




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  • David
    04.10.2016

    People with big foreheads like me don’t need to go for DNA.The thought of living a lie, cn shatter even the strongest of men




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  • eddu
    05.10.2016

    I don’t want to be my fathers’ son, I fear to get kids less they turn like him.




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  • mbugua
    09.10.2016

    got his big head…101% sure




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  • G
    10.10.2016

    Sometimes you wonder




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  • julie
    10.10.2016

    you should hear my real life tales on this matter! just discussed this with my sis this afternoon! 🙂




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  • Msele Wan
    28.10.2016

    Am sitting here reading this piece like people go through shit!!!!




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  • Joanne
    11.11.2016

    ooh wow! Biko you did it again.




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  • Chemutai Hiltrude
    26.11.2016

    You don’t want to meet someone while with your son and daughter and they say, “Wow, your girls have really grown.” That killed me
    Awesome read




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  • Emmy
    10.02.2017

    I have two girls the younger one has her hair cut and many times she has been mistaken to be a boy……. soo sad I have now embarked on the project………… “Fuga Nywele” for both girls.
    nice Piece Biko




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  • Benson
    22.05.2017

    Still waiting to be one, and there nothing that makes you look forward even more than reading this posts.




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  • Emmah
    29.06.2017

    A good read as usual Biko




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  • Carol
    24.10.2017

    Ati the child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet and makes a beeline straight for the warus…… This one got me




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