Sign up with your email address to be the first to know about new products, VIP offers, blog features & more.

Black Prince

They met in church. He saw her over numerous heads in the pews, under the high elaborate ceilings of the church and over the chiming chorus of the choir. The year was 2000. He was only 25. What did he know about love? Not much, but he knew he had to know her name. So after church, with sweaty palms he walked over to her while she stood at the bottom of the staircase amongst a cluster of friends. She seemed to trap the afternoon sun with her long black hair, tied with a small rubber band. She had on proper shoes, wooden at the heels. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed her previously. You won’t believe what her name was. Rose. Like the flower. So he plucked her from her cluster of friends and got her number. A year later, after a whirlwind romance, they said “I do” in the very church he saw her.

“Such a calm and simple woman.” Allan Kisa says. “Not quarrelsome, always smiled.” A baby came three months after the wedding. A son. Emmanuel. One day when they got back home they found him very sick. “He was struggling to breathe, I think the house help had stayed with him on the balcony for too long and the cold had gotten into his lungs.” They called a cab, owned by his brother- in-law, who was also the best man at his wedding. His sister who lived nearby also came, together with the house help. His wife sat in front, the three of them piled at the back. He carried his son, wrapped in a shawl.

After a few minutes into the ride, he noticed that the baby’s weight had become all weird. “It’s almost like he had become too, I don’t know, flexible.” He remembers with that faraway look. “I just knew my son had died. I just knew it by how the body felt in my arms. My sister who was on my right also noticed, because she looked at me and I could see in her eyes that she knew that Emmanuel was dead.”

He couldn’t tell his wife. She was going to go apeshit. So they rode in silence. Dusk had descended, the car’s headlights showed the path ahead which now promised gloom, a life without their son. “My son was turning a weird colour in my hands. Some shade of grey,” he says. “I sat there and I stared at his small face, he could have been sleeping save for that colour and that weird weight of death. I couldn’t cry. It was like I wasn’t in that car, like this wasn’t happening to me, not three months after our wedding. And to think my wife was seated there in front of me, not knowing that I was carrying her dead son wrapped in a shawl! I was so scared of what would happen when we reached the hospital.”

Hell broke loose at Metropolitan Hospital. She screamed and howled and she hurled herself on the ground and she wanted to kill the house help, wanted to bite her with her teeth for killing her son. Allan restrained her. The hospital didn’t have a morgue, it was after 11PM, so they took the dead baby back to his best man’s house. It was shortly after midnight, on a Sunday. They placed Emmanuel on the three seater sofa and opened the window above it. It had just rained. A few church people came, stood around the room and prayed for the soul of his departed son and left. They sat around the sitting room. He cried uncontrollably. His wife cried constantly. They sat in the house the whole night, snatching bits of troubled sleep, Emmanuel lying there in rigor mortis. Dawn seemed so far, not that they waited for it. When your child dies, time stops making sense.

“When dawn came, I woke up from my seat and went over to look at him hoping he was awake,” he says, “I was hoping that it was a dream and we had all woken up from it. I stood over him on that seat and I asked God why He would do that to me, I was just starting my life, a wife, a baby…but it wasn’t a dream. He was dead.”

Allan works at Alpine Coolers as an account manager. I had parked my car at their plant off Road A, Industrial Area, and we took a ten minute leisurely walk to the Tuskys Supermarket along Enterprise Road. It was his lunch break. We sat at a small tacky sitting area in the supermarket that is served by a paltry pastry shop manned by a lady who didn’t look any more excited than her pastries. At the corner was a garbage can. Flies kept us company.

He’s now having a Fanta and a chocolate muffin. I’m having water and a coconut muffin. He’s seated facing a large window, looking at cars and foot traffic along Enterprise Road. The sun is out but there are dark clouds overhead. It might rain later.

“Did your cover his head?” He turns to look at me. “What?” He asks. “His head,” I repeat, “did you cover Emmanuel’s head as he lay on the sofa?” He tries to remember, his brow creased. “No. I thought there was a good chance he was not dead and that he would wake up,” he says, “I still believed that God would give us a miracle.”

“It’s ironic that He took a boy called Emmanuel – God with us,” I say.

He chuckles.

They buried Emmanuel in shags. It was a small grave. “Losing a child feels like someone took a saw and cut you across your stomach right here,” he runs his hand across his lower abdomen, “ and everything, all your insides, are falling out of you. I constantly asked myself why God would take away my first born.”

After the burial, grief got he and his closer. They mourned together because they understood the pain that most people didn’t.
“What happened to the house help?”
“She had to go, for us to heal,” he says, “but I told her that it wasn’t her fault that our son died. It was God’s will.”
“Have you heard from her since?”
“No.”

The following year they conceived again. Isaac was born in 2004. He came with both fear and joy. “God had remembered us again,” he says. He’s a slim man, almost gaunt, with very white eyes. He’s wearing a tie with a knot the size of a mature mango. He’s articulate; words that come out of his mouth are all deliberate, and well-coiffed before they are uttered.

When Isaac was nine months old his wife fell sick. One evening she complained that she couldn’t hold her urine in. That night she woke him up frenzied, shouting. “She kept saying she didn’t want to die. She was like a mad person, talking gibberish and stammering.” So they prayed. He made her repeat the repentance prayer. She deteriorated during the night up to a point she could only speak in sign language. “ I got very scared. I called my brother in-law and my sister and we agreed to wait until morning to take her to hospital.”

She was admitted in Kenyatta Hospital the next morning. He stayed with her until midday and went to work. He went back in the evening, and she was better, talking, laughing. He came back the next morning and they chatted a bit. When he went back in the evening he found an empty bed. He asked the matron where his wife was and he was told she had died: diabetes and high blood pressure, they said.

He stood there thinking, impossible! “She can’t die, we have a nine-month old baby. She can’t just die.” He says this softly, supporting his head with his left hand. He stares out the window. I swat a fly from his soda. The hardest part was going to the morgue to see her. “It was like she was sleeping, Rose…” he says, then stops. He’s going to cry…but he doesn’t. He just stares outside the window, with that faraway look.

“Did you touch her?” It’s a freakish and selfish question from my own dark days when I saw my mother in a morgue and I touched her cold forehead and the feeling has refused to leave my head.

“I touched her feet, and her face,” Allan says. “I cried so much I felt pain in my ears. I asked her why she would leave me with Isaac. How was I to take care of a child without her?”

He buried his flower in shags, next to Emmanuel. Plants had started growing over Emmanuel’s small grave but at least he now had a rose near him. There, now you have your mother next to you and I have nothing but pain. He came back to Nairobi a widower with a baby and a house full of ghosts. It was a confusing moment, he says. The baby cried constantly. He spent hours just sitting, feeling like he was in a different world and he was a different person and this wasn’t his life. This was someone’s life and one day he would knock on his door and take back his life. He felt like he was walking in a vacuum filled with pain. He complained to God. “I didn’t want to meet or see anyone from church. I was born again and concerned about what people in church were saying, I had stood in the church thrice now; as a groom, as a man who had lost his son and now as a man who had lost his wife. I was like Job in the Bible who was righteous and when things happened to him people wondered what he had done to deserve his problems.”

His sister took away the baby for a few weeks to let him “find his head.” His head was full of images and memories and sometimes he would lie in bed and wish there was a direct line to wherever dead people went to, a small two minute window, where he would ask Rose why she couldn’t just hang on. Isaac was given back to him a month later. He got a maid. He changed diapers. He slept with the baby on some days. He was the father and he was the mother. One Sunday while he was in church and looking for a place to change the crying baby’s diapers, a woman walked up to him and offered to change the baby after which she shooed him off to go sleep. He took her number. Her name was Judy.

“I called her that week and invited her over to my place,” he says.

“Oh, you don’t waste time, do you?” I say. “No coffee or lunch, just come to my place and let’s cut to the chase.”

He laughs.

“Well, did she come?”

“No, but she came two weeks later,” he says. She had a child from another relationship that went pear-shaped.

While he was romancing this new flame, six months after burying his wife, his mother died. Whoa! “I know,” he says, “I don’t even know how to explain that anymore. It seems like some sort of story in a book.” He travelled to shags and buried his mother, not too far from where his son and wife lay. That evening it rained and he looked on as the rain came down on his mother’s grave and his wife’s grave and his son’s grave.

“Can you describe this period to me?” I ask him. A Borana-looking guy with gelled hair pulls up a chair and joins us on the table. I didn’t know people still gelled their hair. I thought to myself – this guy reminds me of someone, but who? He joins our table like it’s the most natural thing. He doesn’t ask if he can join us. He simply sits with his two queen cakes and juice and eats his lunch in silence. Allan is unbothered, so I also ignore our visitor and his gelled hair.

“This kind of grief is quite abnormal,” he says. “It’s like layers of pain piled one on top of another and at the end of it you aren’t sure which pain belongs to which death.”

“Like a pain sandwich,” I say inappropriately. I don’t even say it as a joke, I just say it because in my head it sounds like a pain sandwiched within more pain.

One and a half years after burying his wife he stood before the same church and exchanged wedding vows with Judy, second woman, same church. “Speaking of which, how long can one wait to get married after losing a spouse?” I ask him. “I think for me that period was acceptable, but then I’m a man. I don’t think society would have seen it as proper had a woman remarried in the same time,” he says. “Society expects women to mourn forever. I think if you meet someone you like and you feel it’s right, go ahead.”

His son Andrew is born. For two and a half years they live happily together. Memories of other deaths fade in this new marital bliss. He’s a wonderful child who doesn’t fall sick or cry too much. When Andrew is one and a half years old, Judy dies of meningitis after two months of sickness. That’s exactly how he tells me of the death. He doesn’t even prepare me with a story of sickness. I sit back in my chair and put down my phone. The café – if you are generous enough to call it that – is now full. Everybody is drinking soda and the pastries from the lady without a smile. I suddenly remember who this gelled haired man reminds of me; one of the Isley Brothers!

Allan stares at the window, not through it, and I stare at the cashier and then at the Isley Brother. Allan’s abandoned muffin sits forlornly before us, scratched at the crown, like a rat ate it and said, oh sod this, I can’t deal with these calories. The Isley Brother doesn’t even stop eating his queen cakes amidst these announcements of many deaths. “I wanted the earth to swallow me,” Allan says. Rumours swirled. That he was cursed. That he had HIV. That he was killing all these people. People at the church talked even more. He had stood in that church twice to marry two women and twice to eulogise them and once to eulogise his son. There were dark forces involved, they said.

He goes on cruise control. He just floats through life, not feeling much, hearing voices of condolence, food doesn’t taste like food, sleep isn’t even sleep, it’s a temporary state filled with dreams and when the sun comes up he can’t even get out of bed, he just lies there and focuses on listening to his breath. Life becomes bland. He doesn’t notice the sun rise or set. He puts one foot forward and then another and it feels like the ground is swallowing him and he welcomes it.

He goes to shags and buries his second wife next to his first wife and his first son. These graves aren’t too far from the grave of his mother. He doesn’t remember the funeral other than him throwing a fistful of soil in the grave and hearing the grains hit the wooden coffin. He comes back to Nairobi and he doesn’t even question God anymore, he doesn’t even try to ask Him why; he cedes into His will. Of course people talk; friends, family, the church. Some friends stop being friends. Some friends try to be closer to him. Things happen and he can’t remember all of them. People thought, okay, things can’t possibly get any worse for Allan.

Actually they could. Because his son Andrew, remember him? The boy who didn’t cry a lot, the one who didn’t complain, the good boy? He dies of a blood disorder. He dies four months after his mother dies. When he dies, he sits at the foot of his bed in hospital and he can’t cry anymore. He cries, yes, but it’s the kind of cry without tears, the one that you feel that all your organs in your body are failing, everything about your body is shutting down from deep, deep grief. He sits at the foot of his bed with his head bowed as everybody else wails. This life was beating him like a wave, over and over again, sending the black prince his way.

“Death followed me. I asked God for an explanation, wondered what this curse of death was that He kept sending my way.” He remembers going to shags in the funeral convoy, sitting between two people he can’t remember, getting home and going through the motions like a sub-human and burying Andrew next to his mother; two wives and two sons. Surely if God wanted an even number he had it now. Let it stop, Lord. Let these deaths stop. How much more can you make me take? I don’t ask him any more details of the post-burial period of Andrew because really, what do you expect the man to say at this point? How much more can he describe loss and grief?

For the next year he kept his head down, in shame and fear. He avoided interacting with people. “I heard the kind of hurtful rumours that were circulating in church and it made me feel so isolated, and cast away.”

Time passed.

Then in 2012 he met Carol. She was 25 years old. When you meet someone you like after those misfortunes you are afraid to even pursue it, but life is for the living and the heart wants what the heart wants. “Did you tell her about your earlier misfortunes?” I ask.

“She knew some of it because she was part of the church community when I was marrying my second wife, and then of course she had heard about the rest,” he says. One night he told her the whole story and she sat there listening to his tale of death and misfortune. She agreed to date him.

They got a first child, a daughter, his first. He was overjoyed and hopeful that perhaps it was a girl who was sent to break the ill fate that had followed him. They then got a son who is now two years old. His other child, from Judy’s previous relationship, lives with his in-laws. “Carol has been my strength in many ways, she held things together, things that were previously falling apart. My life felt like this thing you build but when you get half way it all falls apart. She is the glue that holds all these parts together. She also represents hope, she could have taken off after hearing what had happened to me, but she stayed and she has given me children.” Another pause. “Nothing has happened so far, nobody has died.” He says this with an attempt at a smile. “We are happy together.”

“How did you reconcile with God?” I ask. He thinks this through for a bit. “ I don’t know.” Pause. “After burying all these members of my family, I just didn’t know how else to relate to Him. I prayed and I stopped and I started again. At some point you just let Him do what He deems best.”

“Do you fear that it was a curse and it might visit you again? That the angel of death is nearby…”

“You can’t live in fear,” he says. “Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.”

It’s past 2pm now, time for him to head back to work but his muffin is hardly eaten. “What is the biggest lesson you have learnt in all this, losing and burying two wives and two children in your 20s and 30s?” I ask him.

“Many things.” He picks his muffin up and turns it in his hand as if deciding which part to bite first. “That people talk, people will talk, but then if you move on they also have to stop talking and move on. My church stopped talking about me when I stopped paying attention to all the rumours and lived my life. If you give rumours attention it fuels them. I have also learnt that life continues; you can have the greatest tragedy, like I did, but life continues despite of your grief. People come and tell you pole and shake their heads for an hour then they go back to their lives and you go back to yours. It’s your responsibility to move on with yours. It’s hard, obviously, but the other option is to feel sorry for yourself.” He eats his muffin and I wait.

“I would have gone so far in life by now,” he continues, “death sets you back, many deaths set you way back; emotionally and financially…we built a house with my second wife and a week before we were to move into it, she passed on and only got into that house as a corpse. It took me long to accept that house as mine.”

We are now walking back to the plant. We chat about other things, a bit of politics and how it’s affected business in Industrial area, he points out factories as we pass – that one makes ice cream, that one makes paints, that makes chilli sauce, that restaurant closed down – and he’s happy to tell me about why their water, at Alpine Coolers, is unique because they don’t distill or treat it with chemicals. “Unlike everybody else we purify our water, which means a small baby can drink our water without any harm.”

I buy maize from a man roasting maize by the roadside. (Think of it as dessert.) I spread that lemon chilli on it (I know you have salivated) and I eat it as we stroll along. The sun feels beautiful, life feels beautiful and Allan agrees. We stand by my car. “How did you learn of me?” he asks. “ A lady called Namukabo Werungah emailed me, and suggested I talk to you, I tell him. We shake hands. I thank him for his time and promise that I will try out their water next time I buy water. He laughs and says it’s the best. Before I leave I ask him what he most looks forward to achieving in his 40s, and he stands there with his head cocked to one side, thinking.

“I want to raise my children,” he says. “I would love to see my children grow into adults. That’s all I ask of God now.”

Before I start the car, I write that down on my phone: I want to raise my children; I would love to see my children grow into adults. I love it for its simplicity. It’s so understated you can almost miss its layered message. I love it because it’s what we take for granted, that our children will grow. That our spouses will always be there to help us raise them. That next week we won’t be burying our loved ones. I thought that line would be my opening for this article, but then in the evening I thought I’d open it with that Isley Brother, then the following morning I decided to open it with Rose.

So they met in church.

****
The registration for the December writing masterclass is now open. Please email info@bikozulu.co.ke to register.

Also, for more 40’s stories email me on biko@bikozulu.co.ke (Please don’t email about masterclass on this email. Please. I beg.)

211 Responses
  • Iam Xhara
    14.11.2017

    And i sat and waited for this email to read before i start my day.
    Now lemme go back to reading




    1
    • Ark
      14.11.2017

      You know how we listen, read or watch a sad story? And at some point you almost feel the depth of that pain growing greater as the story unveils to it’s worst. That’s how I feel, but it reached a point my own body was too small to convey his pain…..So some of it just trickled down my cheeks.

      Allan,the guy who never lost hope and never will.




      89
      • Avid reader
        14.11.2017

        “That I can raise my children and watch them grow into adults”. Allan’s wish made me feel so selfish and realise that we take so much for granted and complain about so many trivial things. I broke down and cried at that point in the story…

        Allan’s hopeful attitude is what we should all emulate…




        31
    • Waithera Ng'ang'a
      14.11.2017

      I was also waiting for the article,so much
      !!I had refreshed my email so many times,just to make sure,that I hadnt missed on the notification…Finally it’s here!!




      2
    • Ochuoga the blogger
      14.11.2017

      I say the whole night thinking of how sometimes I’m afraid of no love that I’ve day I’d force to be loved but listening to you . I find relief. I might be upcoming I’m hoping to be better Some day. You could pass by this too http://thisisochuoga.blogspot.co.ke/2017/11/a-chat-with-myself.html




      0
    • Ochuoga the blogger
      14.11.2017

      I say the whole night thinking of how sometimes I’m afraid of no love that I’ve day I’d force to be loved but listening to you . I find relief. I might be upcoming I’m hoping to be better Some day. You could pass by this too http://thisisochuoga.blogspot.co.ke/2017/11/a-chat-with-myself.html I’m learning to appreciate life more thanks Biko




      1
  • Princess Maggie
    14.11.2017

    Finally!!




    0
  • Jackson
    14.11.2017

    very nice read …….

    I have seen this done by others . Wa kwanza …hahaha . Thanks Jackson :




    0
  • Ella Khachina
    14.11.2017

    But Biko I wanna attend your class so that I get the courage to ask the weird questions. That is something I am afraid to do with my writing. You write well!




    5
    • Carolyne
      15.11.2017

      Just ask. Most times people want to talk about those things that are deemed sacred, it’s just that everyone too afraid to ask them those ‘weird questions’.




      0
  • naseem
    14.11.2017

    Death though!!!!!!!!!!!Glad that the black Prince is now living in love and light.




    3
  • Joan
    14.11.2017

    uugh >3 i live for these day, Love your writing Biko keep doing you.




    0
  • Restored Voice
    14.11.2017

    “It’s like layers of pain piled one on top of another and at the end of it you aren’t sure which pain belongs to which death.”




    12
  • Bumblebee
    14.11.2017

    Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts.
    The good news is, nothing lasts forever.
    The bad news is, nothing lasts forever.

    Strive to be happy, keep your load light. It feels better that way, and live your happy.




    97
    • Bumblebee
      14.11.2017

      This story cut through my heart like a knife. I can taste it in my mouth. Foul and sour.

      Life feels like a façade. You cruise through. Bless your heart for finding Carol to do life with. May the Good Lord feel your hearts with love.




      41
  • jcee
    14.11.2017

    Daaaaaaaaaamn! such a sad story ….people talk, people will talk, but then if you move on they also have to stop talking and move on and “I want to raise my children,” he says. “I would love to see my children grow into adults. That’s all I ask of God now.” …….all the best allan and yes we will try alpine coolers water!




    31
  • Bazenga
    14.11.2017

    We sure take some things for granted




    5
  • Donald
    14.11.2017

    5th commenter!! I’ve always wanted to be among the top 5 :)….Great work Biko. May the Lord rest their souls in eternal peace.




    0
  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    14.11.2017

    See this line “Then in 2012 he met Carol. She was 25 years old”? I wanted to stop reading this story right there. It is a really depressing read save for the part I almost ignored. I pray to God that this man gets his simple prayers answered. I really do.




    57
    • kulem
      14.11.2017

      Makes the two of us




      1
    • kulem
      14.11.2017

      Makes the two of us …. scary




      0
    • Natasha Muhindi
      15.11.2017

      I actually stopped reading at that point and got back to it today.




      1
    • Stella
      16.11.2017

      I was about to stop to and i just prepared psychologically for the worst but I thank God there was hope after.




      0
  • feli
    14.11.2017

    The last three stories have made me appreciate life. The man eating people of congo, the bisexual married man and this one.Somehow it makes my problems seem less. Sometimes there is nothing you can say to comfort someone ,maybe just keep holding on Allan. There is a Latin saying I like “memento mori” ,translates to “remember you will die”. It reminds me of the immortality of human beings.




    37
    • Philgonah Omungoh
      14.11.2017

      I know right. Then you get to appreciate that it is the simple things that matter. The things we rarely or not even pay attention to. Like life, and good health. Then you remember that we will all die, all men die. But first WE’LL LIVE. Making peace with ourselves and everyone, because life is too short to spend at war !!!!




      4
      • RV
        18.11.2017

        Why do I even complain? From now on,I am counting my blessings.




        0
    • Jack Bukachi
      15.11.2017

      I have been awake all night. Can’t find sleep because am troubled. I think I have alot on my plate. The. I read this story. Mahn I am fine. I have no problem. People have seen darker days. The last 3 stories, I appreciate what I have.




      6
  • Iam Xhara
    14.11.2017

    Im done complaining about life and being thankful for every breath i take and for every single person in my life.




    5
  • Kelvn
    14.11.2017

    So much grief.




    0
  • Osolo
    14.11.2017

    Weeh, I was reading just saying not another death, the man has gone through just too much in life very few would come out of that strong.
    Allan stay strong you got this




    3
  • QoS
    14.11.2017

    Like a sandwich of death In case one ever wants to see God himself in suffering, they should take one look at Jesus on the crucifix. May God grant you what you wish for, heal your broken heart and rest your family in eternal peace. Amen.




    4
  • Liv
    14.11.2017

    Oi. This has made me go through all sorts of emotions…the entire emotions spectrum!




    0
  • Ras Ken
    14.11.2017

    Has deeply resonated with me….lost four family members in a row and thought God had surely abandoned us, thought we were cursed. 47 years down the road, I still thank Him and “I want to raise my children”




    17
  • Mukiri
    14.11.2017

    It’s mid-november. Which means it is very close to Christmas. But the mood gets dull with each passing story. First it was the Congolese woman. I sure as hell shed a tear. Then today. I got a huge lump on my throat.
    Am done with your sad stories. I would want to read something that makes me feel better for the next seven days and wait for the next. They are not inspiring. They only lead me to question God’s decision making and timing. I think your fear of the 40s is also having an effect on my psyche. I want to read something and smile.




    19
    • Dee claim
      14.11.2017

      Hahaha




      0
    • Scotch
      14.11.2017

      It’s truly the fear of ’40’




      0
    • Me
      14.11.2017

      I really don’t know. Bikozulu writes really well… but I just need him to write something that will not make me cry always….




      1
    • Darren
      14.11.2017

      Even the fact that these are people choosing to move on despite such heavy setbacks doesn’t make you smile?




      5
    • Anyango
      15.11.2017

      NEVER second guess God Almighty, He is not man.




      3
    • Muthoni
      15.11.2017

      I can relate, it seemed as I read on I kept getting the feeling of ‘oh no, it can’t get any worse’ May the good Lord give him grace and peace that surpasses all human understanding. I can’t question something’s,but God’s grace is more amazing than anything we can ever go through ,that’s what I pick from Allan’s story . God isn’t done with his good works in him yet, he is the hope and the inspiration someone somewhere needs. He is a vessel of testimony for others. Sometimes we just have to let go and let God be God .hummmpphh!




      2
  • Lolo
    14.11.2017

    They say when it rains, it pours. I can’t imagine the weight f the pain he has had to carry. May we see our children grow and see our children’s children.




    4
    • Irklife
      15.11.2017

      Amen




      0
    • Patrick Thuo
      15.11.2017

      And as if what you are dealing with (two wives, two sons and a mother dead), the people who used to smile at you are now pointing fingers. Avoiding you like that leper we read about somewhere in the good book. The same people who, after you have moved on will want to bring back their smelly selves back to you.

      It breaks my heart. It breaks my faith in humanity. Again.

      Such positivity though, Can I ever master it? God help me.




      6
  • Lither
    14.11.2017

    There is pain…and then there is Pain.
    There is strength…and then there is Strength.




    24
  • Irene
    14.11.2017

    tears rolled, death sucks, i want to raise my children too and see them to adulthood




    2
  • Michael
    14.11.2017

    Three weeks in a row, Biko!! All this grief, sorrow, sadness, death and confusion! I guess some lessons can only be learned in the depths of these emotions like the death of your parents and growing up without them and when you feel like you are starting to turn the corner in life, you lose your job and everything starts falling apart around you.
    I guess such is life but it cant be lived whilst paying attention to the fear, grief and the rumors. Life is for living.




    4
  • Dee
    14.11.2017

    Am i the only one who made a silent prayer when reading about him meeting Carol? I actually said it loud , “God, let this one live”…

    My former boss lost her dad, then brother and a few other family members in a short period of time. One day, her kids asked her why its only her relatives who die but not her hubby’s. She has never answered that question. Saddest bit, she lost her mom few months later. Sometimes we really want to believe its God’s will but again we are human and it hurts so much that we lose what we feel. We question God and then the same God we dont want to believe in sends sunshine, he sends hope, he sends the glue.
    Allan, I pray that God grants you your wish




    35
    • AMBIVERT
      14.11.2017

      Amidst all the waves we get lost and then again the sea calms down and we find ourselves once again.




      0
  • Mesh
    14.11.2017

    When you think you’ve reached the end, but maybe not. God is with us, in good times and bad. Allan’s story is a story of hope, that it never dies, and it’s upon us to keep fanning it and trusting God’s will for our lives.




    4
  • Raindrops
    14.11.2017

    I thought the gelled guy would remind you of Jeff Koinange. It certainly reminded me of him!!! atee Isley brothers????




    3
  • Claudia
    14.11.2017

    Such a sad story but life is for the living




    5
    • John
      14.11.2017

      I like that. “Life is for the living”.




      1
  • Jepkoechkiplagat
    14.11.2017

    Woooh!
    :-(…
    “You can’t live in fear,” he says. “Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.”




    8
  • Patience
    14.11.2017

    I almost stopped reading when Judy died. Wah!
    Can’t even imagine.

    What does he feel about not raising his son?
    The one who is being raised by in-laws. I
    would have loved to hear how the dynamics
    of that work out.




    0
    • Ivalin
      14.11.2017

      this was Juddy’s son from a previous relationship, not his biological son. for whatever reasons, the inlaws raise him. perhaps just to have a piece of Juddy with them..




      2
  • Judy
    14.11.2017

    How much pain and anguish can one bare…. Losing one loved one is hell in itself… Five! Don’t how one can deal with that.I really do pray he sees his children grow into adults.




    1
  • nancy_gorgeous
    14.11.2017

    thee is no pain in this world that compares to losing a child, it never goes away. but two children and two spouses….unfathomable. may the hope that god has put in you shine through it all and light the way. may the peace of God guard your heart and mind through it all Allan.




    1
  • Jepkoechkiplagat
    14.11.2017

    “You can’t live in fear,” he says. “Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.”




    2
  • nduhiu ndumia
    14.11.2017

    sad




    0
  • Wanja
    14.11.2017

    How often we take for granted that our loved ones will always be there. Allan you are the true definition of strength.

    Thankyou Biko for always bringing to us such life changing stories.




    1
  • Anne
    14.11.2017

    Lord, and another friend just lost his 5 year old daughter. The only child. Life is so cruel i say. Am just sobbing quietly in the office amidst the heavy rain.




    0
  • Val
    14.11.2017

    You know how when you listen to another person’s life, all the troubles in yours feel so small, insignificant and manageable? I was(am?) feeling depressed over being in a rut of a relationship among a few other things and now I just feel like an ungrateful cow. Sigh.




    10
  • Ciru
    14.11.2017

    All I could say as I read this story was ‘Shit!’ and ‘Oh, hell no!’………..May God grant him his wish and prayer. Heartbreaking. May I never complain about this my life; my challenges are minute when juxtaposed to his.




    0
  • Wayne
    14.11.2017

    This is by far the most sorrowful story #40 series ..wish we would learn to appreciate what we have,when we have it.. We take lots of things for guaranteed..may God grant this man his wish ,to raise his children to be adults.




    3
    • wanjikuWaNgigi
      14.11.2017

      I think after ‘the birds didn’t sing’ I just want happy endings.




      0
  • Val
    14.11.2017

    Strength is found in unlikely places. Allan, you keep surviving this.

    My prayer too; is to raise my kids and watch them grow into adults.




    2
  • Karren
    14.11.2017

    I love it because it’s what we take for granted, that our children will grow. That our spouses will always be there to help us raise them. That next week we won’t be burying our loved ones.
    This part got me reexamining my life…its sad we humans think that somethings only happen to certain people until it gets to us and that’s when we remember to be grateful for life…Sad




    3
  • Tichie Gitau
    14.11.2017

    Read this with tears in my eyes, can’t say that I feel his pain but I Pray for you Allan, for God’s Blessings upon your life and your family. Biko you have a talent, telling other people’s stories and inspiring others in the process. Your 40’s Series has made me appreciate life.




    1
  • Jacob Gathuita
    14.11.2017

    sad.




    0
  • Monique
    14.11.2017

    My gosh, I’ve read this story with a lot of fear in my heart. Indeed death is cruel. May Allan find peace in the face of adversity.




    0
  • Beatrice
    14.11.2017

    That is too much pain for one person in a lifetime…..




    1
  • Benita
    14.11.2017

    As simple as that sounds, ‘seeing his children grow’… is the most epic wish, true and sincere… To the Prince! God has heard your prayer.




    0
  • Shillah Raymond
    14.11.2017

    Oh God! Such a sad story. Allan is strong, I cant imagine the pain. God be with him always. May we live to see our children grow into adults.




    0
  • Louis Wamukoya
    14.11.2017

    You never know what the person next to you has or is going through. Great read.




    0
  • Steel Sunflower
    14.11.2017

    “When Andrew is one and a half years old, Judy dies of meningitis after two months of sickness. That’s exactly how he tells me of the death.”
    I have gone full ugly cry…
    For not falling apart, for rising in the face of adversity, May the Lord grant Allan his earnest prayer.




    1
  • Joe Peter
    14.11.2017

    So much grief and sorrow.
    My best friend says ‘even death itself will die someday’




    3
  • Bridgit
    14.11.2017

    Well God can’t give you a situation you can’t handle. We are all faced with tragedies big or small but the moral of these is how we emerge on the other side either stronger,hopeful,resentful you know. God’s grace is sufficient despite all and no situation is permanent. Let’s strive to see the bigger picture in these posts with no comparisons.




    1
  • Winnie
    14.11.2017

    “That people talk, people will talk, but then if you move on they also have to stop talking and move on. My church stopped talking about me when I stopped paying attention to all the rumours and lived my life. If you give rumours attention it fuels them. I have also learnt that life continues; you can have the greatest tragedy, like I did, but life continues despite of your grief. People come and tell you pole and shake their heads for an hour then they go back to their lives and you go back to yours. It’s your responsibility to move on with yours. It’s hard, obviously, but the other option is to feel sorry for yourself.”

    My lesson from this read…..life teaches you a lot




    1
  • Abdullah omar
    14.11.2017

    life goes on.that is a fact




    1
  • Ythera
    14.11.2017

    I pray that God will answer Allan’s prayers and that Isaac and his siblings will live long fulfilled lives.




    0
  • Donnah Siso
    14.11.2017

    I’m speechless….How can one person take so much pain!




    0
  • Lydia
    14.11.2017

    May he live to see his children grow old.And may his current wife grow old with him.

    I am so sorry for your losses Allan.




    0
  • Esther Shiks
    14.11.2017

    Sad indeed,reminds me not to take people in my life for granted. I pray that God will honor Allan’s Wish.




    0
  • Johnny
    14.11.2017

    Biko, the best decision you ever did was to introduce the 40’s stories. Each week, I learn something new that will be helpful as I strive along in this life. This guy, going through all that pain, it’s not easy. His resilience is simply inspiring. I got to the part you introduce wife number three, Carol, and mumbled to myself not again… I pray that Allan gets to see his kids grow up and blossom in life, It would be great joy and finally peace of heart.




    5
  • L
    14.11.2017

    i read this blog long enough and never had I commented before…the series on 40s makes me feel to have not lived being 22 yet already i feel so confused and in need of guidance.. my story my not be tragic as the one’s I’ve read the past three week’s but am worried am loosing it in life.
    i went to school in isiolo always passed my exams and the future looked bright,highschool came in meru school and i passed with 76 points to be admitted in jkuat and that’s when trouble started… coming to Nairobi being free to do whatever i choose to do drove me crazy,the hype of campus made me forget about my books,i can’t even say studies were hard but i never tried, i got cash from my parents who were well off enough to give whatever I asked of them especially my dad but i used the money to party, one thing though am glad i didn’t do drug’s i don’t know why but i just evaded that,.this coming Friday four year’s down the line my classmates will be graduating, my parent’s have disowned me for wasting their time.. the last time i had meal is four days,i survive on water and nobody knows what am going through, i want to try,i have the will to go out there and make thing’s right,i desire to get go find work be it in mjengo,makanga,househelp whatever will help me get started but again i don’t know even how for everything has always been provided for me the last 22 year’s, there are times i think about the dream’s i had of a family, i had even named my two kids that I hoped to have delanie and davin and i soak myself in tears, there are time’s i feel like dying, commit suicide but something in me tells me there is a way out but i don’t even know how,i don’t know whom to reach out for,i will be kicked out this coming end month for rent if I’ll even survive upto that time for i hv nothing to feed on…i pray at times that something happens,someone comes to just show me how for i am willing but i don’t know how… i would be grateful to be just given a new chance and I’ll grab it,i want to get back to school and grab my chances, i want to save for my future family but all that i can’t if i don’t know how to take the first step… last thing i pray that one day someone will go out there help those first year’s for that change mess many,having the freedom has made many lose their lives in parties and drugs especially the boy child…. i really humbly request anyone who can just help me out this pit,just in any way help me out i can’t even say I’ll pay back,if you show me how to stand again the best I’ll ever do to say thank you is make something out of my life




    10
    • Z
      14.11.2017

      It must be a weird coincidence that my close friend is going through the same. It is literally as if I am listening to him,but L you have taken the first great step to actually realize that you need help:that you realize the position you are in,you have spoken up and you’re willing to change. If you can find someone you trust to open up to, an old friend or even a counsellor to offer you proper guidance or even a local church just reach out and don’t quit until devanie and davin are a reality.




      0
    • Rubie
      14.11.2017

      Drop me an inbox at Mercie Rubie in facebook. Maybe one day I will help. You are not beyond repair.




      0
      • L
        14.11.2017

        I’ve sent you my no. rubie I’ll be forever grateful if you help out…




        0
        • Rubie
          16.11.2017

          I haven’t seen anything yet




          0
          • L
            16.11.2017

            0772041324 that’s my no. i sent maybe to the wrong person




            0
      • L
        14.11.2017

        I’ve sent my number I’ll forever be grateful for giving me a second chance in life




        0
      • L
        16.11.2017

        hopefully you’ve gotten my no. I’ll be waiting for that calll Rubie…. God bless you abundantly




        0
    • james
      14.11.2017

      First step is to reconcile with your parents for they are very key in blessing you and make a concious decision to make ammends in your way of life then get back on the road, nobody knows what lies on the road ahead unless to take the chance and take that first step by moving forward.




      1
      • L
        14.11.2017

        Your comment* honestly i have the will to take the steps on that i don’t know how.I’ve been shown everything, given everything that when everything has been taken away suddenly am almost giving up and sadly my parents are like i should pay for my actions




        0
    • Jenn
      15.11.2017

      Hello L, what exactly is the issue? Is it that you did not take your classes, skipped exams, expelled? I believe you can still re-sit your exams and no situation is beyond repair.




      0
      • L
        15.11.2017

        never attended classes,nor did any exam’s… let’s say the four year’s just passed and i understand when my parent’s say it’s unforgivable.. that’s why all i ever want is help to get up again ..i had dream’s which i still believe in them only that i don’t even know how




        0
        • Meg
          15.11.2017

          Oh L… I’m so sorry for all this. But I’m proud you are sorry for your mistakes and you want to try again. I know in the past everything has been done and provided for you, but now its time to realize you have something bigger in you. A higher spirit which gives you life. Which gives you strength and hope every day you wake up. A spirit from God. You have to tap into that and strongly believe you are his son. And that you are alive cause of Him. And he wants you to take responsibility for your own life. Get out of that room and approach that mjengo you want to try. Don’t give in to the thoughts of stooping low in any work/job. Know your end goal and focus on that. Be consistent in your reconciliation with your parents and focus on proving to them that you can be a great child to them. Just NEVER give up. God loves you so much. Blessings




          0
          • Meg
            15.11.2017

            May God’s mercy keep shining on Allan. Sending love and blessings.




            0
          • L
            15.11.2017

            thank you meg…there is a promise that i am giving myself, this is the forum that i got the courage to share my story and though i know not how to start,i promise myself that this will be the same forum I’ll share my success story,am grateful just to be alive that is enough reason that God hasn’t given up on me,like i Allan i just want to see my unborn Delanie and Davin grow to have a successful life




            1
    • Munesa
      15.11.2017

      I am glad you are alive, that is something.




      0
    • Mary Asin
      15.11.2017

      I was born, my dad passed when I was six, my mum passed when I was 12. I saw my mums nudity at 11 through to 12 when bed bathing her. I was taken in by my aunt, went through a hell of emotional torture when schooling. I finished forth and was shown an exit. I had no boyfriend…no relative could take me in….most of them were not in good terms with her..that meant that if she stayed with you..you automatically become sworn enemies with the rest. I asked to be hosted in exchange for performing domestic chores without pay. I did for two years. I got a job with 5000/= as the monthly pay. I did it… found a place of my own…. hit a dead end again. I refused to fail at this point. Got another job with 7500/= as my monthly pay. I enrolled at the University of Nairobi thrice and did two to three semesters consecutively but dropped because of fees. I pains but you have to live. But I had to survive… I only had myself to look at, I remembered that I had siblings and they would definitely follow my script if faced with the same… which eventually happened coz they were also shown the exit at 18.At one time I stayed with a man in a sub let, he had three rooms to himself and gave me one, I did his cloths, food and cleaning in exchange for him paying the rent. I bless the Lord that he never touched me. I am actually looking for him……….to thank him. Today I have graduated, I am proud to have housed my siblings when they were sent packing. I have a fully furnished house in a leafy suburb. I took only one step. I decided to live..both inside and out side. I did not matter to me how long it would take… I did odd jobs ……..I did not look at my class mates or age mates. I looked at me and decided the flow of my life………today I am here…happy and content. Choose to live…and you will. Its all in you.




      15
      • Jenn
        16.11.2017

        That’s a great testimony…we never know how much strength we have within us. Yours is a story of rising above your adversity. God bless you more.




        1
      • Rubie
        16.11.2017

        Good stuff. I love you already. That is the spirit gal. Nothing is beyond repair and our past experiences though they may affect us, we have all power to raise above that. You are amazing and better is in store




        1
    • JJ
      15.11.2017

      Drop me your no. 0736917400




      0
  • Brand Lubian
    14.11.2017

    “If you give rumours attention it fuels them. I have also learnt that life continues; you can have the greatest tragedy, like I did,” I was a grooms man at Allan’s 2nd wedding… and to be honest I don’t even know why I never suggested you to reach him… Glad that he is still a man of his principles and his strength and hope is absolutely out of this world. His parting remarks surely is a reminder that its the things that look simple that we should yearn on achieving because not everyone has this privilege… God bless you Allan and Namukabo for making this story happen




    12
  • Wahito
    14.11.2017

    ‘…At some point you just let Him do what He deems best.” this here is profound, I have been here…
    Allan, the fact that your heart has grieved all these times and you are still here, still hopeful…. speaks so much about your resilience. You are one of a kind human.




    2
  • Mo
    14.11.2017

    My God, and the man still has faith in God and still has the strength to live. God bless him. That story made me grateful for my family. I’m amazed that he stuck in that church, I would have left, I would have expected compassion from my church sisters and brothers, not gossip and bad talk.




    2
  • jaliet
    14.11.2017

    Nice one as usual. Sad as F, One typo: grief got he and his closer.
    Thanks for telling us his story so beautifully. Gut wrenching.




    1
  • kevin
    14.11.2017

    Sad story , but I admire the man’s Strength




    0
  • Wambui
    14.11.2017

    Woah! I was pausing as I read hoping the sun would shine on Allan as we progressed. We are told everyone has a story but I believe others are more stories than others




    0
  • Judy
    14.11.2017

    Allan, may God bless you and multiply all that was taken from you like Job. May you live to see your great grand children. Your life teaches us to always keep hoping for the best even in adversity and pain. You have a strong spirit as compared to many of us.




    0
  • Khan
    14.11.2017

    I have always believed, that death is a better fate than life. For you will be united with lost loved ones… They will meet again.




    2
  • Bella
    14.11.2017

    Allan may God grant you your simple prayer request……“I want to raise my children,” he says. “I would love to see my children grow into adults. That’s all I ask of God now.”




    1
  • She Bee
    14.11.2017

    I did salivate
    I did wait for the part where the deaths stop.
    i did scare that another death was coming




    0
  • Njeri J
    14.11.2017

    I was scared to start reading about the 3rd wife. I was like “God please dont do this”
    I cannot fathom the faith and trust this guy still has in God after all that’s happened.
    And i wish i could blame his church members for increasing his pain by spreading rumours. But i dont think i would be blameless in such a case.
    “…but life continues despite of your grief. People come and tell you pole and shake their heads for an hour then they go back to their lives and you go back to yours. It’s your responsibility to move on with yours.”
    That’s my best take away from his story.




    2
  • firebird
    14.11.2017

    I have also learnt that life continues; you can have the greatest tragedy, like I did, but life continues despite of your grief. People come and tell you pole and shake their heads for an hour then they go back to their lives and you go back to yours. It’s your responsibility to move on with yours.
    i used to look forward to Tuesdays to have a good laugh and appreciate good writing. Now i wait to learn the next lesson.




    1
  • Pen Ninah
    14.11.2017

    This is one of those stories you read reach the middle and run to the end hoping to see a happy ending and after getting that relief go back to where you had stopped and continue reading. I hope God answers his prayers and he gets to raise his children to adulthood.




    1
  • Robert Muhavi
    14.11.2017

    When a man isolates a lady from her pals, you immediately know that the man is in love. The man wants time to be with the person he loves alone.

    Likewise, when God isolates a man and takes a walk with him in the desert, the same is true. God loves him and wants to get his full attention.




    12
  • Koki
    14.11.2017

    When pain shakes you and moves you and you don’t understand and you can’t question. I read this and imagined a fire burning till only the light smoke is emitted and then a spark remains and re-ignites with the passing wind. He is a survivor. This was beautifully written




    2
  • Mwau
    14.11.2017

    I am married, and my wife and I went through a traumatic experience… I can’t imagine the kind of pain this guy went through. May God continue to keep him…




    0
  • Incredibly difficult read. I caught myself shouting, “What? No!” at one point.
    Death brings tremendous grief, immense loss and a painful separation when sometimes all you’re left with is sweet memories, and a wish that time would roll back or that ‘there was a direct line to wherever dead people went to, a small two minute window.’
    This seems like an attack of the devil. Dark forces should be dealt with viciously, no negotiation or passive acceptance of their malevolent attacks, An aspect of spirituality that hasn’t been taught in most of our churches, especially the loveless rumour mongering ones is spiritual warfare; the battling it out by prayer in the wee hours of the morning to live a life of victory, the firm declarations, resisting the evil one, the binding of demon beings and casting them into the outer darkness, the loosing of angels to advance His Kingdom, His Will, His ways. When Jesus told His disciples that He had given them all authority to trample upon serpents and scorpions, He meant it. When He said the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy but I have come to give life and life in abundance, He meant it. When He prayed, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, He meant it,
    I remember one preacher saying, God is in no hurry to take people up to heaven, His grand design for mankind is that they bring heaven down to earth.




    3
    • Hellen
      14.11.2017

      “When Jesus told His disciples that He had given them all authority to trample upon serpents and scorpions, He meant it. When He said the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy but I have come to give life and life in abundance, He meant it. When He prayed, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, He meant it,
      I remember one preacher saying, God is in no hurry to take people up to heaven, His grand design for mankind is that they bring heaven down to earth”




      3
  • Juster
    14.11.2017

    The message is loud and clear, we cannot live in fear. We must be hopeful, that tomorrow will be a better day. Even in our sadness, sorrow, despair or whatever it is one is going through. There is light at the end of the tunnel that is what this story and the story of birds stopped singing have taught me.




    1
  • Kenyan Lawyer
    14.11.2017

    ….Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.”…..

    Nothing can be more true than this. This line alone has given me the courage to break up with my girlfriend who has made life a living hell. I look forward to good things happening. I will live in hope.




    3
  • Frank Ganda
    14.11.2017

    Allan is a true testimony that death is not the most painful thing in life. The most painful thing in life is what dies in us while we still live.
    Allan May you find peace in your heart. Peace that surpasses human understanding.
    Above all always learn to cede to His will, for He can never give you anything your can’t handle.




    3
  • Esenam Allen
    14.11.2017

    When i was young i thought the world revolved around me (my parents made me feel that way and i don’t blame them). I grew up to realize, when i stopped to cry, the world doesn’t stop for me to finish crying. The world moves on. That is the painful truth. Life keeps happening.
    “Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.”




    1
  • cindy
    14.11.2017

    sometimes u think you have face worst there is, n u get to read this story n like still am luck, May God fulfill his desire to see his kids as adults. thanks Biko.




    1
  • Tapsirorei
    14.11.2017

    So sad How can one man handle all this tragedy.




    0
  • Nabwire
    14.11.2017

    Faith and Hope…those two I pray, just like Allan, I never loose!




    1
  • Nits
    14.11.2017

    I am a newlywed and the mere thought of this happening to me has me in tears like a big baby and everyone in office is looking at me all weird.lol.
    Allan the strength and will you have to live is admirable and can only have come from God.
    May the Lord richly bless you and grant you all your heart’s desires.
    (Biko..what are you doing to me!!!!!!! **Runs to the bathroom and sooooobs**)




    1
  • Neema
    14.11.2017

    I want to raise my children; I would love to see my children grow into adults.




    0
  • Mugabi Patsy
    14.11.2017

    Mugabi says,”Fear is the greatest high and death is a powerful motivator” until death meets hope like Allan did.
    Here’s to great children; May he raise them,May he father them and may we also be them.




    2
    • Its Marcel
      14.11.2017

      And even when it seems all gloom and doom.. for hope theres still enough room.
      Enough radiance to radiance to seep into dark rooms, darkened souls, Moons to promise a brighter dusk even when you never asked for a night. And if Allan could, he would go hug the sun, because sometimes the one who lights the whole world burns the most. Shining upon upon his generation… watching them age gracefully.




      0
  • Kisenya
    14.11.2017

    This is a story of faith, hope and resilience. Allan is a strong guy. I pray that God grants him his only wish/prayer- to raise his children and see them grow into adults.




    0
  • taz
    14.11.2017

    life is for the living!!!Allan you are a strong guy and thanks for giving so much hope to some of us!!




    1
  • taz
    14.11.2017

    Allan you are a fuel of hope!!strong and hopeful people rule the world!!Allan keep the hope alive!!!




    0
  • taz
    14.11.2017

    Allan you are a fuel of hope!!




    0
  • MumEstin
    14.11.2017

    My Gosh, this is so sad. Allan is a very strong man, may he live to see his children grow into adults

    But Biko, am tired of reading sad stories, please do a happy story for us. Thank you sir in advance.




    2
  • An ordinary girl
    14.11.2017

    Be kind to everyone you meet for you never know what they’re going through.




    0
  • Wayne F Wendo
    14.11.2017

    This is by far the most saddest story..not only for #40 series but for any human who is humane.. We take lots of things for granted till they are not there anymore,,may this gentleman raise his kids well and may God grant his wish to see them grow into adults and bless him in so many ways




    0
  • Clement
    14.11.2017

    Whoa! What I’ve read in the last two weeks here!!!




    0
  • Onesmo
    14.11.2017

    Only God knows best. May God protect Allan and his family.




    0
  • shelly
    14.11.2017

    Hope beyond hope…..Grace ,strength, faith …… not from within but from God!!




    2
  • Swoozie
    14.11.2017

    God help Your children everywhere.




    0
  • Grace
    14.11.2017

    Very sad story… But the come out finally… People will always talk…. One’s you grasp that, you will never bother with gossip….




    0
  • Selina
    14.11.2017

    Courage, Let God’s Will be done.

    I have read with ‘not again’ on my mind, he is strong. The church judges more than the world, we forget that we should be good disciples and not judges.

    On a lighter note ‘I buy maize from a man roasting maize by the roadside. (Think of it as dessert.) I spread that lemon chilli on it (I know you have salivated)’ Yes I salivated.




    0
  • Eligash Mbugua
    14.11.2017

    Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. — SOREN KIERKEGAARD.




    1
  • LMJ
    14.11.2017

    Wow! A reminder to appreciate the little things that I always take for granted.




    0
  • Carol Ohonde
    14.11.2017

    So much pain and yet he held on to his faith and hope.
    I can’t fathom his tenacity in always trying again.
    His prayer at the end to raise his children and see them grow to be adults was so poignant………
    May God look favourably on him and his family.




    0
  • Kalekye
    14.11.2017

    This story is so sad. Reminds of last year when i lost two siblings within a month and one of them my twin whom i found dead in the morning……
    But God heals… Am yet to come to terms with it but there’s always hope.
    I loved the piece.




    3
  • Kelly
    14.11.2017

    losing two wives and two sons

    this is actually very serious,

    i have lost things dear to me, i have prayed to get what i want and i dont get it year after year. a time reached when i stopped praying….
    then i got a surprise and then i got atleast a flicker of hope to pray and hope !!!

    this story almost made me cry




    1
    • rigiri
      14.11.2017

      i feel you.been there myself.




      0
  • Msoo
    14.11.2017

    Yaani I couldnt help but have all emotions. whoa! Allan is strong. Cant wait for the next read!!!




    1
  • Waithera
    14.11.2017

    I keep reading that Allan is strong. Is he strong because these happened or did these things happen because he is strong? I’m so sorry Allan. I too pray that you see your children grow.




    0
  • Mkangis
    14.11.2017

    Mr.Bioko and all of us your fans…
    It pains me a lot to note that most of us in this forum ecosystem thinks that God is the one who kills … he chooses whom to harvest…I know will are all wrong God is all Loving, All Caring, full of Grace and wants our happiness more than the whole universe. I invite all of us to study a book called “The Great Controversy” …there is a chapter on ” The Origin of Evil”

    Let us not make the Ruler of this world laugh at God by accepting the untruths that the serpent has peddled since the beginning of our time




    1
  • vosdiary
    14.11.2017

    I could not read the words fast enough before my emotions took over.




    0
  • Jaxon
    14.11.2017

    This was a difficult read. At one point I walked away from my computer to catch some “air”, another point I found myself exclaiming “What! No way!”
    Allan, you are the epitome of courage. This phrase, “You can’t live in fear. Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.” portrays it all. May God answer your prayer. That simple prayer. As Biko says, ” It’s so understated you can almost miss its layered message.”

    Thank you Biko, you write well.




    0
  • Njoki
    14.11.2017

    Three weddings, five burials and finally a father to three blood children and one from Judy. The pains are too much to handle and the joy of his kids now kinda surpasses the pain. I believe God gives us pains in measures of the strengths or weakness we hold inside. He’s given Allan pains that break the spirit deep deep down. and in the fullness of His own time He’s made everything perfect for Allan, Carol and their kids. Allan keep your trust and faith in God as you always have, i believe He always has a purpose for the storms that come our way. May His arms be ever around you and your family,.
    Biko thanks for this story and these 40 series are mostly sad, and also inspirational and give us strengths we need..




    0
  • cess
    14.11.2017

    God really is mysterious, He does everything in love, though at times it hurts so much that we dont see that Love. Immortal we are,the only thing we can do is appreciate life and our loved ones. I pray that you getto see all your grandkids and carol becoming a shosh




    0
  • Warrior
    14.11.2017

    Biko, What happened to Isaac? His 2nd son .




    0
  • Robert
    14.11.2017

    Ok, I can’t do this. I think I’m quarter way, Probably tomorrow or the day after. In less than 3 years and he’s lost 4 of his core! Noo..




    0
  • Patience
    14.11.2017

    We need some happy stories here. Last couple of weeks has been depressing. Come on 40s people, one of you must have a happy story.




    0
  • Winnie
    14.11.2017

    Aki… Wasn’t sure I would finish reading it….
    And yet, Allan CHOSE to continue living in hope rather than fear.




    0
  • Mushie
    14.11.2017

    “It’s like layers of pain piled one on top of another and at the end of it you aren’t sure which pain belongs to which death.”

    Eeei Mahn!!!Thats so much pain.

    “I just didn’t know how else to relate to Him. I prayed and I stopped and I started again. At some point you just let Him do what He deems best.”-so true

    After reading such articles,am just left wondering why I complain so much about my life…




    2
  • Wa Mso
    14.11.2017

    Nice read Biko.
    “This kind of grief is quite abnormal,” he says. “It’s like layers of pain piled one on top of another and at the end of it you aren’t sure which pain belongs to which death.”
    This summarizes Allan’s series of death misfortunes. The type that makes you wonder God’s motivation and rationale but then believe all shall be well…some day.
    All the best Allan. I pray you and Carol live happily to see all your grandchildren.




    0
  • Gash
    14.11.2017

    “Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope”
    Never ever,ever,ever lose hope. That’s what keeps me going.




    0
  • Simba
    14.11.2017

    His story a triumph of hope! Good he has/had the balls to keep going forward.

    *ION, lemon chilli on maize is the best con invented, allows those guys to seek the blandest maize; I ain’t buying that con.




    0
  • Kahawa
    14.11.2017

    Really sad story……….also churches are full of pretenders.




    1
  • Nduta
    14.11.2017

    Reading through people’s comments of ‘ Write more upbeat stories’ highlights that we do not know how to deal with pain- we just wish that pain didn’t exist- This guy unfortunately cannot ‘refresh page’ in a week and find a new story- this is the story of his life yet he has hope- he doesn’t gloss it away or wish it away – he deals with it – so ata nyinyi imagine deal with it 🙂 Also, Biko can dine with the ‘watus’ at Tuskys 🙂 no fine whisky details here 😉 .




    2
  • Dottie
    14.11.2017

    God gracious Biko! am sad, very sad:-( and blank,very blank…………..Allan GOD knows best so don’t question it shall be well and you will raise your children to adulthood.




    0
  • Charles
    14.11.2017

    Wow I shouldn’t be complaining of small misfortunes.. that Guy got some strength!!




    0
  • Ciru
    14.11.2017

    All I could say as I read this story was ‘Shiieettt!’ and ‘Oh, hell no!’………..May God grant him his wish and prayer. Heartbreaking. May I never complain about this my life; my challenges are minute when juxtaposed to his.




    0
  • Rubie
    14.11.2017

    It is well with your soul Allan. God hear your prayer and in addition to your children growing, may they always enjoy the goodness of God in the land of the living and may they be mighty in the land. Amen




    0
  • Masake
    14.11.2017

    He is alive.




    0
  • Prettie
    15.11.2017

    Sad. How sad. I teared up. And here I am thinking I have problems. The Isley brother and his queen cake…




    0
  • Elvira
    15.11.2017

    Short spans we have here. Let’s maximise in whichever ways we can.




    1
  • Fai
    15.11.2017

    What can break the body cant break the soul. Keep going Allan, you are a strong man




    0
  • Wambui
    15.11.2017

    Wow.Reminds me to be greatful for what I have.




    0
  • Edel
    15.11.2017

    It is true death has no favourites. How this guy survived all this pain and now simply wants to ‘see his children grow’ allows one to reflect on the many things we take for granted.




    0
  • Pasomi Mucha
    15.11.2017

    To keep living and hoping after so much death takes extraordinary strength and grace. He truly is a prince, dark past, but a bright future, I pray.
    Reading your written accounts digs into my depths. What does it do to you, Biko, listening first-hand, taking in the emotions from and through all senses?




    0
  • Raphael
    15.11.2017

    I teared




    0
  • G
    15.11.2017

    Am struggling with so many feelings and emotions right now..mainly because I can almost relate to what he is feeling.. I was 14 years old when my dad passed away way back in 2006.. I was in form one.. a mono.. Did not even get a chance to attend the funeral. I still do not know where he is buried to this day… mainly because of the strife between relatives on both my dad and mum’s side. Fast forward to this year.. a close uncle of mine passed away in July..my mum’s brother.. and in September my mum passed away.. I get what Allan talks about.. you never forget the sound of the casket lowering into the grave,and the sound of the soil hitting the coffin.. you never forget that. I heard my mum’s eldest sister question ‘Will I bury all of them’?
    The feeling of absolute loneliness can be overwhelming at times. I have questioned God until I have no more questions in me. Everything around me is just a painful reminder of the people I have lost.. I do not even long for Christmas any more.. I will try and do this though.. move on.. ‘I have also learnt that life continues; you can have the greatest tragedy, like I did, but life continues despite of your grief. People come and tell you pole and shake their heads for an hour then they go back to their lives and you go back to yours. It’s your responsibility to move on with yours’. that is what am taking home today.. Life has to move on…




    7
    • Rubie
      16.11.2017

      You shall overcome the pain. Deal with it because when we suppress it, it comes later in our lives and haunt us like a ghost.Don’t take so long though to overcome and don’t allow it to eat into your present or future instead let it feed into it in a positive way. You will be stronger and you will have learnt. Give time time cos time heals. You shall overcome




      0
      • L
        16.11.2017

        hopefully you’ve gotten my no. now…I’ll be waiting for that call….thank you for even giving it a thought to reach out. ..God bless your heart




        0
  • The VillageGirl
    15.11.2017

    Biko, what happened to Isaac, the second born son of Allan and Rose? What became of him?




    0
  • chelangat luiza
    15.11.2017

    Biko, just noticed, you write sad stories well. You make me drift into emotion




    0
  • Lucy
    15.11.2017

    Wow! This is deep. Everything we take for granted in life is someone else’s miracle out there.




    0
  • dennis
    15.11.2017

    life has to move on.with GOD by the side.




    0
  • Stephen Musya
    15.11.2017

    Allan Kisa is my colleague at Alpine Coolers Ltd, he is a very strong man. He’s ever happy and smiling, you cant tell that he’s lived through such sad moments in his life. God bless you bro. The devil is surely a liar and a loser.




    1
  • bourgeois
    15.11.2017

    I will try very hard to never complain again. In comparison my problems are trivial. OMG, people are strong!




    0
  • Munene
    15.11.2017

    I have read the sad story and read again but i want to know the status of baby Isaac. He talked of the son to Judy being raised by relatives. How about Isaac? is Carol raising him?




    0
  • Empress Helena
    15.11.2017

    We do not know just how strong we are until being strong is our only option. I keep remembering the bible verse that says “God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure.” Godspeed Allan




    0
  • Fareed
    15.11.2017

    I have no words for the strength Allan has and the faith to move on and literally soldier on. I can only pray that he indeed raises his children and see them as adults.




    0
  • VillageGirl
    15.11.2017

    Biko, What happened to little Isaac. The second born of Allan and Rose??




    0
  • luseka
    15.11.2017

    Tough stories lately Biko. My prayers Allan. Wish you the very best.

    https://www.tbmagazine.co.ke/2017/11/15/korean-restaurants-in-nairobi-a-guide/




    0
  • Chris
    15.11.2017

    WOW Chocolate man,You do know how to tell a story.I didn’t think anything else will moisten my eyes after that lady;s encounter with the Mai mai.-Thanks




    0
  • Nancy Mutekwa
    15.11.2017

    way too sad




    0
  • Richard Obumba
    15.11.2017

    Thanks Biko. These stories make us appreciate life granted to us by God. May God bless Allan and his new family. That man is strong.




    0
  • Steve
    15.11.2017

    Teaches us about loss and hope. That we can rise again and again .

    Allan, may God give you grace to sustain you and make you bloom like the morning flower despite the loss.




    0
  • Carthy
    15.11.2017

    Praying for Allan and his new family. Truly death humbles you but remember that Jesus conquered death when he rose up from the dead and he is with you even when you dont feel his presence within. God bless you Biko for highlighting this stories. Its a wake up call to most of us to always thank God for what we have and to just stop whining like babies.




    0
  • Violet
    15.11.2017

    Allan, my heart cries for you…. No word’s can comfort you… Only God….




    0
  • Mercy
    15.11.2017

    Wa…. Biko, your writing inspires me… Authentic. Thank you for telling Allan’s story and Allan for sharing it with us…. May God’s love and light be with them… May you bring up your children, and see them as adults… Amen .. profound in its simplicity




    0
  • Amuj Lio
    15.11.2017

    “You can’t live in fear,” he says. “Man can’t live in fear. You live in hope. You pray. You look forward to good things happening to you, not bad things happening to you.”……I have read this part more than ten times….After all Allan has gone through and he didn’t loose hope, who am I with my tuprobleme to loose hope….i won’t…Thanks Allan for sharing your story and i know God will surely let you raise your children into adulthood




    1
  • Carol
    16.11.2017

    You are strong…..




    0
  • Caroline
    16.11.2017

    Story of Hope… :
    That people talk, people will talk, but then if you move on they also have to stop talking and move on. My church stopped talking about me when I stopped paying attention to all the rumours and lived my life. If you give rumours attention it fuels them. I have also learnt that life continues; you can have the greatest tragedy, like I did, but life continues despite of your grief. People come and tell you pole and shake their heads for an hour then they go back to their lives and you go back to yours. It’s your responsibility to move on with yours. It’s hard, obviously, but the other option is to feel sorry for yourself.”




    1
  • Musa
    17.11.2017

    “I want to raise my children,” he says. “I would love to see my children grow into adults. That’s all I ask of God now.”

    God is Good, and is good all the way. How he’d never forsake us even after our selfishness, arrogance and ignorance, despite our taking life for granted that, ”our loved ones will always be around…”

    Nice read, Biko.




    1
    • Musa
      17.11.2017

      *God is God*




      1
  • Binti
    17.11.2017

    “I want to raise my children; I would love to see my children grow into adults. I love it for its simplicity. It’s so understated you can almost miss its layered message. I love it because it’s what we take for granted, that our children will grow. That our spouses will always be there to help us raise them. That next week we won’t be burying our loved one”.. this words ….. My goodness… Lord forgve me for the times i have complained




    0
  • King
    17.11.2017

    This category just makes me sad the rest of the week.




    0
  • some kawaida jamaa
    17.11.2017

    i couldn’t go beyond Andres death on this one, i couldn’t.




    0
  • Wangari Muriithi
    17.11.2017

    I have just stopped reading at the point he meets Carol.
    Aiii (I actually put my hands up to my head)
    I’m afraid to continue. I hope that relationship goes south.
    I don’t want him to meet anyone else or have any more sons. At this point i’m exercising my right to be selfish and deny him happiness.
    Aiii. I can’t.
    This is too much.
    Modern day Job.
    I’m even afraid to wonder about Rose’s second born who has not been mentioned for sometime. Aii. Wacha tu.

    For now let me wander off to the Caribeans and see what silliness Majah Hype has in store for me on YouTube.




    0

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *