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DESSERT

Linda (Editor): This story is disjointed.

 

Me: Did you know that you have to be strong and tall and not pregnant to be allowed to sit on the Exit seat in the plane?

 

Linda: It needs to come together. It’s all over the place; it has no beginning or ending or the wild asides. I don’t know…

 

Me: So when you check in online  you always find those seats taken and I always wonder, what time do these people snap up these seats? Because I check in online immediately they open –  36 Hours before take off for Qatar and all the seats with legroom are always taken. Kumbe they are blocked.

 

Linda: The story seems contrived. Like a chore. Did you really enjoy writing it? I want to hear something that pulls me forward, I want to hear a story. Tell me a story.

 

Me: I am! Anyway, so you have to appear at the check-in desk physically, to show your “full height” and that you are not pregnant, don’t have a weak heart and that you are  of sane mind, I suppose. Catherine, my travel agent,  told them that I’m apparently 6’4” and strong enough to sit at the Exit seat. Anyway, I had to go to the desk to show them that I’m strong but most importantly, not pregnant.

 

Linda: Anyway, I’m sure you know what to do with this story…

 

Me: So we get there and the lady at the desk asks, “Is either of you pregnant?” and I say, “Not me.” Ha-ha-Ha….Come on, that’s funny, no?….ahem, well, you had to be there.

 

Linda: I’m starting to drive. Rest and then look at that story again.

 

Me: Anyway, I got us the Exit seat because I’m strong and I was at my full height because I was standing on my tippy toes like a ballerina and of course,  I’m not pregnant….Linda?…Stop blue ticking me.

 

***

So Linda doesn’t like the story, which means I will work on it today and post it tomorrow, Wednesday. Inshallah.

105 Responses
  • Veon
    17.10.2017

    Woooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Biko, wow.




    9
    • Biegon
      17.10.2017

      Haha you were the first to comment without reading the post. Umeshikwa (can’t say Naswa).




      5
    • Koki
      17.10.2017

      Wooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
      Just. WOW!




      1
  • Sophia Ngugi
    17.10.2017

    Haaaahaaa ha!! Okay




    0
  • Liz
    17.10.2017

    Really Biko?? Really?? After waiting a whole morning! *sigh




    3
    • Julianna
      17.10.2017

      Only good thing is that tomorrow i shall have another Bikozulu email notification!




      4
    • Ms.Sun
      17.10.2017

      I know. And then he leads me on like this. These people!




      1
  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    17.10.2017

    So Linda is holding us hostage. I think you should’ve lied to her that you’ve gone home then go to a bar somewhere and have the story posted by the geeks anyway. Here’s a funny story though.

    Sunday evening I went to the barber shop.

    My previous barber closed shop and so I found this new place with a really nice masseuse.

    After my shave which took forever I am ushered to the reclined head wash seat.

    Five minutes later I am on the final seat (don’t really have a word for it).

    So things are applied to my head and face in succession. Many things. Lotion. Other cold stuff. More lotion.

    Massage. Massage. Even smoother massage. Head swirl. Massage again.

    Then this cold spirit (should have been spirit) is applied.

    I get all teary from the after effect.

    Guess what!

    The nice lady thought I was crying from the nice massage.

    “Naona leo nimeguza deep tissue”

    What could a man say?

    A barber shop has never been more awkward.

    Good day gang.




    180
    • naseem
      17.10.2017

      hahahaha




      0
    • hahahaha Peter Wesh does it again!




      3
    • Miss Nalisi
      17.10.2017

      this is a funny one.




      0
    • Sophie
      17.10.2017

      Wesh to the rescue!! What is it with guys and barbershops??




      0
      • Judith
        17.10.2017

        Sophie, apparently a guy can travel 20kms for a shave! Ati barber ule kichwa chake kimezoea… Ahhaha




        2
        • Lilian
          18.10.2017

          I know a priest who travels from meru to Nairobi to his barber. I was curious as to what happens there. The only info I got us he pays 700 Bob.




          0
    • deknow
      17.10.2017

      hehehe..aliguza palipo




      0
    • Ms.Sun
      17.10.2017

      hahahahha…everything is a story! thanks for sharing




      1
    • @clif_the_tall
      17.10.2017

      Hahaha. nice one.




      0
    • kendi_mwenda
      17.10.2017

      Aki Wesh. Do I even know you 😛
      This is getting interesting




      0
    • Muchemi
      17.10.2017

      Hahahaha… Peter Wesh, you came through.




      0
    • Catherine Nyambura
      17.10.2017

      This has given me a good laugh.




      0
    • Dickson Kinyua
      17.10.2017

      My barber also moved towns -go figure, these elsections will be the death of us- so I also have to find another one.

      So I’m conducting research, and the weird thing is that every dude I enquirer from has only one point of reference. The masseuse.

      My friend, Chris, goes to one in his neighborhood that has this masseuse with a big….I feel like I’m subjecting women here, so I’ll just stop typing.




      5
      • Kaimuri Magu
        18.10.2017

        Subjecting? Hehehe, sir I think you meant ‘objectifying’…and you’re right




        1
    • EmWanji
      17.10.2017

      hahahaha Really Biko really #handaskimbo
      If only you were pregnant we would have understood.
      So I take it at 40 food is served backwards? we eat the desert today and the main course tomorrow?
      How would we know and we are not fotee? OK (yeah this is loud)




      8
    • Carol
      17.10.2017

      and just like that, the day was saved




      0
    • Ocampolitus
      24.10.2017

      Hey Wesh, did you finally meet Bumblebee as per our recommendations? This is a good topic to share since Biko has decided to divert our normal interactions over here about great stories…..




      0
    • lisa
      29.10.2017

      Ahahahahaha… did you go back?




      0
    • Ashley Samantha
      31.10.2017

      No comment …..hahahha
      Apart from my no comment comment
      #tickled




      0
  • Ythera
    17.10.2017

    Silly, Biko. At least you’re not pregnant.




    2
    • Waithera wa Mbugua
      17.10.2017

      He’s moody and not pregnant.




      0
  • Aly
    17.10.2017

    cmon!you walk into the pharmacy to get your dose just to be told the drug will be available kesho *sob. Back to my boredom




    3
  • Rih
    17.10.2017

    Life truly begins at 40. You have finally gotten a life and forsaken us. Hata hatujaskia vibaya 🙁




    59
    • Koileken
      17.10.2017

      Comment of the day




      0
  • Abdullah omar
    17.10.2017

    inshallah!




    1
  • Wainaina
    17.10.2017

    Hahaha. I was lost, scrolling and refreshing the page for a bit longer there.
    We shall wait!

    http://www.ianwainaina.wordpress.com




    1
  • naseem
    17.10.2017

    In sha Allah




    0
  • Miss Nalisi
    17.10.2017

    come on.




    0
  • DaveMwaniki
    17.10.2017

    Biko youre pregnant,no wonder we have to wait till kesho.




    0
  • vera
    17.10.2017

    Really Biko???just when I thought this day couldn’t get worse




    0
  • Miss Jayn
    17.10.2017

    Ni sawa tu




    0
  • *groan*
    I think we’ll blame it on the glenmorangie not on Linda! Birthday boy partied hard. Wednesday it is.




    6
    • Lydia
      17.10.2017

      Hahahaha i agree, it must be the glenmorangie




      1
  • Lydia
    17.10.2017

    If Linda doesn’t like it, we will wait.




    0
  • Selina
    17.10.2017

    Jumped when the mail came, ready for a good read, Let me wait till Wednesday, its seems like next month. Tall and not pregnant…………..




    0
  • Rophus
    17.10.2017

    Linda, I Wish you a boil on the face.




    4
  • Mugabi Patsy
    17.10.2017

    Inner me; whining not fair to my emotional investment to this literary work
    also inner me
    First of all; the brand don’t crack, it’s solid gold baby.




    6
  • Sakase
    17.10.2017

    looool




    0
  • Sayla
    17.10.2017

    Life at 4th floor ……….




    0
  • mumo
    17.10.2017

    bikoooooooooooooo!!! umetuchesa




    1
  • deknow
    17.10.2017

    bikoo mi sipendi hii kukuja hapa nakosa stori..sasa tukuekee curfew hakuna kutravel ama.Ningekua Linda pia nakupea tu blue ticks.




    0
  • @clif_the_tall
    17.10.2017

    Mchezo- Not posting on Tuesday
    Mchezaji Mkuu- Biko
    Kaimu mchezaji- Linda
    Mchesswa/ Wachesswa- The gang members being chezwad.
    Kuchswaa- Dhana ya kuchezea chezea gang members.
    Mfano katika sentensi
    Mchezo ile tumechezewa na mchezaji mkuu pamoja na kaimu mchezaji imewapata wachesswa offguardi. Wamecheswoo vilivyo.




    79
    • Liz
      17.10.2017

      hehe..kucheswo vilivyo




      2
    • Catherine Nyambura
      17.10.2017

      I love it! Well put.




      2
    • Wa Mso
      17.10.2017

      Ni mcheswo ama mchesewo…anyhow, whichever, it doesn’t change that am in this category.




      1
    • Esenam Allen
      17.10.2017

      Ehrrrmm wish i could understand.




      0
  • Michelle
    17.10.2017

    That’s it for my break back to revising *sob* – Exam week.
    Till tomorrow




    0
  • Rowsemary
    17.10.2017

    hehe… I’m almost always certain i’ll be reading about not having something to read when these delays happen, it’s all good though…kesho basi!




    0
  • Isabella
    17.10.2017

    Linda is a spoiler! For a moment I imagined she would calm down and get into the story!




    0
  • Nita
    17.10.2017

    Biko!!!!




    0
  • fridah
    17.10.2017

    Hahaha oh yeah Biko you are not pregnant. Kesho!!!




    0
  • Elvira
    17.10.2017

    Hehehehe. Kesho pia ni siku.




    0
  • Kisenya
    17.10.2017

    Really Biko?????? You’re being unfair to the gang!




    0
  • wanjiru
    17.10.2017

    I fell right into that one sigh. Thank You Wesh.




    0
  • fatmah hassan
    17.10.2017

    really Biko really ….my you kill me this quick




    0
  • Mukiri
    17.10.2017

    Not funny at all. Not funny.




    0
  • MumEstin
    17.10.2017



    0
  • Maureen
    17.10.2017

    Biko’s diversion tactics are as flawless as Manchester City’s attack, no?




    0
  • Karimi
    17.10.2017

    Dessert…can’t figure this headline. Sawa tu Biko. Sawa tu.




    0
  • Shalom McReen
    17.10.2017

    I like the element of surprise. Just know you will have to find another country to live in supposing you fail to publish the real juicy story tomorrow. The fans will obliterate you. Mr, you have been forewarned. 🙂




    1
  • Anne komen
    17.10.2017

    Hahaha Biko I was really jumping when I saw your email…sad face now




    1
  • Jacob Gathuita
    17.10.2017

    sawa tu Biko, Mungu anakuona




    0
  • Catherine Nyambura
    17.10.2017

    Thanks for at least letting us know your post is not ready (instead of going silent on us). You were brought up well 🙂 Now I’m very curious about this new post coming up.




    8
  • Redempta
    17.10.2017

    hahaha Biko is this how people in their 40s treat others? kesho basi




    1
  • Chris
    17.10.2017

    I will work on it today and post it tomorrow, Wednesday.

    First of all we have been waiting since last week




    0
  • vinnie
    17.10.2017

    LET ME EAT A BANANA!




    1
  • Lily
    17.10.2017

    Eeei yawa Biko and the way am scrolling haraka hoping to get over Linda and to the real story




    0
  • Bibs
    17.10.2017

    Biko Biko biko!!!!!!!!




    0
  • Annette
    17.10.2017

    I cant even be mad,just looking forward to another awesome inspiring read.You are awesome Biko,really.




    0
  • Judy
    17.10.2017

    Biko, God will see you…
    I’d saved the story up for lunch time, so I could really indulge…




    1
  • Wa Mso
    17.10.2017

    What I’ve also learnt in life (continuing last week’s comments) is watu wakifika 4th floor huchange…wanakuacha hanging mpaka kesho.
    Ha ha ha…kesho it is Bw. Biko-we can wait.
    Barikiwa.




    3
  • Joy
    17.10.2017

    Am I the only one who’s so pissed off right now????




    0
  • Sev
    17.10.2017

    Biko!Mungu anakuona.
    I just woke up to check on your post halafu umenifanyia hivi.
    Linda deserves a Grammy.




    0
  • Carol
    17.10.2017

    btw, that up there is a disjointed conversation with Linda, no wonder it has gotten us a good one, I had to even counter check to see the author of today’s writer just incase Linda was our guest writer. Then kaboom!…I feel your pain with Linda’s replies. That normally archs me so much.




    0
    • Mugz
      18.10.2017

      @Carol…..it is “irks” my dear. #PetPeeve #CantStandSpellingErrors




      0
  • Mushie
    17.10.2017

    The comments are killing me with laughter…Lakini leo tumecheswo
    Kesho ni siku pia..




    1
  • cindy
    17.10.2017

    Biko i think after taking glenmorangie near the pool u drop in, na kichwa kuingia maji. sawa tu, Kesho pia ni siku




    0
  • Nancy Mutekwa
    17.10.2017

    Biko grrrrrrr truly that was a desert to sweet yet too short
    see you tomorrow!




    0
  • Njeri Akinyi
    17.10.2017

    It’s hard, Linda. It is hard. But I will forgive you, knowing that you have the best interest of the reader at heart.




    0
  • Esenam Allen
    17.10.2017

    Hahahaha Linda is good at her job. I love her!




    0
  • Gikunda
    17.10.2017

    hahahahaha




    0
  • @Glen_Wakio
    17.10.2017

    Sawa tu!




    0
  • nduhiu ndumia
    17.10.2017

    dont expect anything kesho…the title says so




    1
  • Nyawira
    17.10.2017

    hahahahaha..if this is what forty looks like boy are we in for a ride!




    0
  • Tony
    17.10.2017

    We shall revist. No we have to revist. (Scratches for answers)




    2
  • Winz
    17.10.2017

    ‘Wacha niende ntarudi’ kinda story




    0
  • Kinns
    18.10.2017

    Biko, we shall revisit. Eeeh, we will revisit.

    Umetuchesaaa




    0
  • David Mwenda
    18.10.2017

    How does Linda hold us hostage like this we shall revisit




    0
  • Ike
    18.10.2017

    Haki Biko hivo ndivyo life inahappen 4th floor?Linda is so focused,yaani she didn’t want to hear your vibes,lol!I like her




    0
  • She Bee
    18.10.2017

    Biko.. It’s Wednesday. Linda should have ingiad box by now




    0
  • Evelyne
    18.10.2017

    Just like that Biko… really?




    0
  • Ocampolitus
    24.10.2017

    So Biko you are back to cheating on us……this time with planes and exit seats? I hope it was just a fling and you are not emotionally attached because if you are, then things will head south soon. Haki yetu tupewe!!




    0
  • joseph
    02.11.2017

    mmmmhhhh




    0
  • Rosiey
    02.11.2017

    hahahaha




    0
  • benard
    03.11.2017

    Hahahaha




    0
  • Le Patriote Éclaireur
    05.11.2017

    As much as this story appears to sound so deeply saddening and I share the compassion of many here, but I would also like to warn people about Tutsi manipulation. For example, since 1994, these people have succeeded, with the backing of the US and England and through their mainstream news powerhouses, in manipulating the entire world that there was genocide against Tutsis. Although Hutus were not 100% innocent, who doesn’t know today that the whole thing was a pure orchestration of the Tutsi Power to gain the compassion of the world while fulfilling their agenda?

    We know their tactics: even when you are the one who is evil, if you can tell your story by touching people’s emotions, you will certainly acquire their compassion. And you cannot have people’s compassion without having their backing. This is the level of evilness of the Tutsis community and they are successful in this manipulation due to the naivety and ignorance of those who don’t know them. Especially that they are backed by those who own all the mainstream media powerhouses. Yet true stories of despicable atrocities are being lived by Congolese daily and none is talking about it. All the mainstream media turn their faces on the other side. Who even dares talk about the 10 Million deaths so far caused by these Rwandan Tutsis falsely called Congolese (so called Bennyamulenge)??? We must do something powerful to expose this evil and manipulative propaganda of the Tutsi Power agenda. It has gone too far.




    1

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