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Locker Room

There is a guy drying his armpit with a hand dryer. I’m seated behind him on a bench in the men’s room at the gym, drying my feet with a towel. He doesn’t even have a bushy armpit. Over the sound of the whirring dryer our protagonist is having a conversation with another chap who is rummaging through his gym bag – hopefully for a knife to stab the armpit-dryer. They are talking football. Guys are always talking about football. They don’t know it but they are already clichés because one is a Man U fan and the other an Arsenal fan. There is nothing more annoying than listening to a Man U fan talk to an Arsenal fan. They always sound like a couple that has been married for longer than they should. A Man U fan will say, “Oh the football is round in shape” and the Arsenal fan will retort, “Not really, depends on how you look at it when light falls on it.”

There is a big match in the offing, I learn from their discourse. The dryer goes whirrrr as one of them says something about “Bobby Charlton” and “history” and the other one talks about their “six-point” stand. Greek. I’m curious to know what the hell that Bobby Charlton stand is, but I can’t ask because I will sound like one of those chicks who say, “90-mins is sooo long, can’t they make it like one hour tops?” (Well, then they’d rather just play volleyball.)

I’m fascinated by the guy drying his armpit even though “fascination” is a misleading adjective to use here given that he’s half naked, standing right there in his underwear written Guci because where they manufacture them in downtown Kiambu, the “c” is silent. I think to myself that this guy – most likely in the financial sector – will go back to the office, sit at his desk and deal with important matters, maybe hold meetings where people say, “If I may interject with this alternative perspective…” and nobody will ever know that he dries his armpits with a hand dryer. He will have lunch with his boss at The Thorn Tree cafe at The New Stanley and order clear tomato soup (he will avoid the fresh buns), then later the mutton Rogan Josh with sparkling water to wash it down and laugh – on cue – at his boss’s dreadful jokes. His boss will never have any inkling that the man before him is the kind of man who dries his armpits with a hand dryer.

Our protagonist is now berating Mourinho, and the other Arsenal gentleman, turning his socks inside out, is snorting dismissively. Storm in an English teacup. He then makes a half turn and starts drying his other armpit. He has big arms because all he does is curl weights and dumbbells, and he walks around the gym surprised that none of the ladies in the gym has proposed to his biceps yet.

Maybe he has kids, I think to myself. He kisses them & buys them toys. Occasionally he lies on the carpet and they sit on him, bouncing on his lower belly, giggling. They call him “daddy.” They play with his beard and giggle. They will grow up and never know daddy used to dry his armpits with a hand dryer.

I suddenly feel burdened by this secret. I feel like he’s living a double life; on the one side he’s a seemingly well adjusted man, maybe he doesn’t even use the office printer to save trees, a doting father and caring husband. He tithes. However, in the morning, he’s someone else; he’s the guy who dries his armpits with a hand dryer. And nobody knows. Well, nobody apart from us who share the locker room with him, which makes us party to this bizarre behaviour. We are promoting this behaviour by not speaking up. We are not any better than him on that account, are we?

I truly feel burdened.

Sometimes I feel like a liar every time someone asks how the gym is and I say that it is great, when I really should be saying that there is a man who dries his armpits with a hand dryer. I feel like it’s a social responsibility to tell someone about this man, because for all we care it could be symptomatic. One day he will do something macabre and I will watch one of his colleague’s being interviewed on TV say, “There was nothing that showed us he was disturbed or unhappy; he was fit, he liked people and he liked watching football. He was like you and me!” And I will cover my mouth with my hand and whisper, “Oh God no! He wasn’t like you and me, he used to dry his armpits with a hand dryer!”

I can’t tell you how many nights I have gotten into bed with one burning question: Am I a bad citizen for not saying something about this man’s dryer business?  Have I failed humanity with my continued silence? Do I not see this behaviour as something that the authorities should know, if only to intervene?

I mean, if I was a girl and I went out on a date with this guy and he said something kind about farm animals and I liked him immediately because I grew up on a farm and I was the kind of village girl who was attracted to men who said kind things about farm animals (E.g. I like how wet a cow’s nose gets), of course I’d agree to go back to his place on account that a man who likes farm animals will most likely be kind to humans. At his place he will jump into the shower for “a quick rinse” and if I were to hear a drier run and later on ask him what that was and he says with a self-satisfied grin, “Oh, I was drying my armpits, it’s faster,” I would pull on my jeans, wear my blouse and say I’m leaving. He would follow me to the door, clutching at the towel around his waist, completely baffled at the turn of events, “Come on, Sandra, what is it?…Sandra, will you stop stuffing your bra in your purse for a second and talk to me?….Sandra, come on, is it something I said?…Sandra, stop. I’m sorry! Okay, fine we’ll just cuddle, I love cuddling and companionship I’m that guy!…Sandra…it’s late, you can’t drive home at this time .. Sandra … Sandra! … Damn it!”

I’d dramatically walk out and I’d never talk to him again. Ever. I’d save him as ‘Armpit Drier’ on my phone and then block him. Because my parents didn’t struggle to take me to good schools to date men who dried their armpits with hand dryers. What will he do next? Wax? Aaa ahhh. No. You have to draw the line with these men.

Someone should do a reality show on men’s locker rooms. Put a camera in there and grab popcorn. The kind of conversations you might overhear there can get insane. Organic dialogue.  If a transcript of them landed online, the band of marauding feminists on Twitter will be horrified. They will wonder if they haven’t made any gains at all all this time.

The gym I go to doesn’t have guys who walk about naked. I hear in some gyms men prance around naked, their dongs swinging dangerously about. (Sign on wall: Beware of swinging objects and breaking glass, the administration will not be liable for any injuries caused as a result). I can’t imagine how it would be, to be in a gym like that. I don’t think any man – even those that lick their spoons after stirring their tea  – deserves to start their day in a gym where men walk about naked.  

Plus it can’t be good for some men who are, uhm, insecure about their size. Or even those who are too sure about their size, right up until they see Adonija Wafula shuffling around naked, his member something out of a medieval orgy in ancient Greece casting a shadow even in broad daylight. A thing from the slave trade period, appended on big strong black men, members that can till the land and grow their own flowers.  

And such men never have names like Martin or John or Jackson. It’s always Adonija or Joachim or Bokasa. Names that are a mouthful. Have you been to a hospital’s casualty waiting room and you hear someone being called out loud over the intercom to go to the triage: “Adonija Wafula, please come to room 3.” Suddenly you see all the girls in the waiting room raise their heads simultaneously like a pack of penguins that have smelled a mating partner, and you wonder if Adonija is some guy from Tanga with special powers. Kumbe.

You have a guy like Joachim or Adonija walking around naked in the gym and they get folks anxious. That evening a chap might lie on his woman’s chest and have this conversation most of us have had if we were to be honest.

“Did you cum?” (That’s you)

“Yes, I did.” (That’s her fibbing).

Oh, great.

“Kwani you can’t tell?” (Nobody can really tell, not even a prophet).

“Only sometimes. Like when you are saying things in kyuk.”

“That is Dutch, you idiot.”

“Well, whatever it is you always say it in a kyuk accent.”

“Ha-ha. I so don’t.”

“So are you satisfied?”

“Yes. I am.” (Not entirely true).

“I satisfy you?” (Look at you looking for a wooden plaque)

“Ha-ha. Yes, of course, why? You never ask.”

“Today I have asked because I don’t want to be selfish.” (Bull)

“Aww, you are so sweet. Come here.”

“By the way, do you know anyone called Adonija?”

“Who?”

“Adonija Wafula.”

“No, why?”

“Ah, never mind, he’s some debt collector.”

So yeah, that is what happens when Adonija joins your gym and prances about naked; unknowingly he changes conversations in bedrooms across town because he makes men feel diminished.

Anyway, two weeks ago after my workout, I  took a shower and when I came out I found that I was all alone in the locker room. As I towelled myself dry I happened to have turned and seen the dryer sitting there innocently. A small voice whispered in my ear, “Chocolate Man, don’t.” Then another voice countered it: “Oh come on, you are in here alone. Nobody will know.” Then the small voice said, “Walk away boss, don’t listen to him, you don’t want to be that guy.” So I sighed, picked up the dryer and I switched  it on and it whirred and vibrated in my hand like a saw cutter and I brought it to my armpit. The air that blew on my armpit felt warm and somewhat ticklish. I had crossed a line. I had become the very thing I was turning my nose at. A hypocrite. I was drying my armpit with a hand dryer!

Funnily enough, I’m not  embarrassed to say that it felt good to dry my armpits with it. If a man wants to dry his armpits with a hand dryer who are we to say he can’t? I had become the new protagonist. The next day I left the gym slightly early again (on purpose) and used the dryer. The following day there were a few people but I used it all the same. I felt rebellious. I felt like Che Guezulu.

What will you say when you get to the pearly gates and the guy standing in front of you in the queue turns and asks you what you did differently down on earth? Will you say you never skipped the lights at the traffic lights? Will your time on earth be reduced to something as inane and colourless as not skipping the lights? Personally, I will tell that guy, “I dried my armpits using a hand dryer,” and he will feel so bad he didn’t fully utilise his time on earth.

How do intend to spend your time differently on earth? Eh?

Ps. We have closed registration for the next Writing Masterclass. We shall do it all over again next year. Inshallah.

164 Responses
  • Wema Ilukor
    29.11.2016

    How do I intend to spend my time on earth.
    …mmmh loving those who love me sincerely




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    • Kanye
      29.11.2016

      This Biko guy.. what’s so fascinating about a man drying his armpits with a drier! I wouldn’t want to meet up with you. Lest you write about my unshaven pubic hair! Jeseuze! I don know why I still read you.




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      • My Name Really is Earnest
        03.12.2016

        I think you missed the point.




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        • Gaceri
          13.12.2016

          I think you missed his! ;D




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      • ANTHONY
        17.01.2017

        Sense of humour has levels sir!




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    • Awino
      30.11.2016

      Me? Eating kuon gi rech at lwangni by the beach in kisumu every chance I get. Tilapia there is amazing




      1
      • Mildred Akoth
        30.11.2016

        There is no a like button to that post,anyway Ilike the post hehehe.




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    • Roland Byagaba
      30.11.2016

      I think I’ll dedicate some of my hours to having my name legally changed to Adonija Bokasa




      2
      • Joy
        01.12.2016

        Lol




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      • Marina
        01.12.2016

        hahaha…really funny Roland aka Adonija




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      • Miss L
        02.12.2016

        hahahah! good call!




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      • Wanjeri
        07.12.2016

        Well you already have one of “those” names.




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        • Erick wamalwa
          19.12.2016

          So ironical, how can you right of the opposite? Chocolate man, fascinating.




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      • lnk
        09.01.2017

        lolest




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  • nancy
    29.11.2016

    No 1




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    • Lolo
      29.11.2016

      he he




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  • Rael
    29.11.2016

    Hahahahaha : I’m fascinated by the guy drying his armpit even though “fascination” is a misleading adjective to use here given that he’s half naked, standing right there in his underwear written Guci because where they manufacture them in downtown Kiambu, the “c” is silent. http://www.shesatomboy.net




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  • flin
    29.11.2016

    NUMBER ONE




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  • esiankiki
    29.11.2016

    “standing right there in his underwear written Guci because where they manufacture them in downtown Kiambu, the “c” is silent” Haha nice one




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  • marie becca
    29.11.2016

    bucket list. check.




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    • marie becca
      29.11.2016

      Adonija wafula though, hahaa.




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  • fwawesh
    29.11.2016

    Nice read




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  • Mark
    29.11.2016

    Great read, Biko.
    Although, that part when you’re Sandra is too thought out… *looks at you suspiciously*

    https://thispostisabout.wordpress.com




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    • Muthoni
      29.11.2016

      Hahaaa!




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    • Rih
      30.11.2016

      hahahaha…Lakini Mark you are something else. LMAO!!




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    • Faith
      14.12.2016

      LOL Mark, I thought so too




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  • Manda
    29.11.2016

    Che Guezulu..:-)




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  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    29.11.2016

    Hahaha!
    Biko: Don’t use the hand dryer on your armpits man!
    Inner Biko: You know you want it! Get some man! Get that warm air right under your armpits!
    Can we then say you were jealous of the protagonist and not really angry at him? Like folks who keep whining that we take too much Pizza simply because they hit their weight limit? Well, regardless, I loathe the idea of drying the armpits with that thing. I mean what will be next? Pointint it at you balls? Come on! And what gym do you go to? – I feel etra judgy today so I might as well disapprove your choice of gym. Oh and on that list of mouthful names you forgot our guy Dikembe Mutombo *Giggidy 🙂
    Good read.




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    • Bumble Bee
      29.11.2016

      what has the world come to. before you know it men will start blowdrying their moustaches. I mean isn’t that how they all start.
      And speaking of gym, what happened to going to karura every Saturday morning chocolate man?
      on that judgemental vibe, Peter Wesh, did you finally get around to start paying your HELB? Or are you still the reason the rest of us aren’t getting any?

      (stares at the screen intently as I personify it waiting for an answer)




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      • Wesh - Peter Wesh
        29.11.2016

        Oh go lord! The internet never forgets does it? I pay my helb Bee, in bits. And don’t get personal on a me aye.




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      • Sally
        29.11.2016

        Well they are already drying their beards using dryers. I overheard one describe how he blows his beard dry after showering to keep it straight.




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  • GM
    29.11.2016

    Hail the Locker room banter too, for us whose gyms never heard of driers!!!




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    • GM
      29.11.2016

      *dryer or stick with drier, what the hell, Che Guezulu




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  • Caesar
    29.11.2016

    Adonija Hehe…I think I know such a guy. Great read!




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  • Ken
    29.11.2016

    Hahahaha you have a million issues chocolate man




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    • Ken
      29.11.2016

      You’re here setting standards one minute and the next you’re breaking the same rules. Whats the opposite of a feminist? Yes.. Youre quite the Misogynist.. (laughs hysterically)




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  • Stan
    29.11.2016

    Im officially naming mine Adonija




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  • Samk
    29.11.2016

    Wow word Biko…I will do something differently from now…I just put sugar in my friend eggs instead of salt.




    0
  • onduu
    29.11.2016

    Funny how we judge when we want to do the exact same things we judge other’s for.




    0
  • Nelson
    29.11.2016

    Fantastic!




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  • Patricia
    29.11.2016

    Lol




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  • Judy
    29.11.2016

    ME: I jumped over the pools fence at midnight to go for a night swimming




    0
    • Kawira
      29.11.2016

      Haha! Me too!




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  • Chivarly
    29.11.2016

    I want to do it so differently so that I can sum it up by saying I did me.




    0
  • salim
    29.11.2016

    Chocolate man…you have milked dry “drying his armpits with a hand dryer” now we all are curious. As for “That evening a chap might lie on his woman’s chest and have this conversation most of us have had if we were to be honest” that is one conversation that taunts your ego as a man and the silent humiliation borne out of fear of any alternative responses…what if she answered….you don’t satisfy me!




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  • Lauryn
    29.11.2016

    lol, this is so crazy….




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  • Hagestsu
    29.11.2016

    Things I do spend my time differently, on our beloved earth…
    1) Scratch my balls, naked, on my balcony first thing every morning.
    2) Poor cold milk, then sugar, then hot water in me tea cup.
    3) Lick the teaspoon after stirring me tea.
    4) Release silent noxious farts around folks once in a while, and act the most disgusted.
    5) Meow continously when I’m alone in the elevator, to test its acoustics.




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    • Wesh - Peter Wesh
      29.11.2016

      Hahaha really? Who meaows in an elevator?




      0
    • Nyar Oyando
      29.11.2016

      Hahaha, now you, are a nut case




      0
      • Annie
        29.11.2016

        hahahaha i can relate to the meaow




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    • jane
      30.11.2016

      the farts and meows… Really???




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    • ndindi
      19.12.2016

      Kinda agreeing to wat biko has mentioned ‘names that are a mouthful ….. ‘
      hagestu and adonija do have one similarity though….. Hehehe don take it personal




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  • Karwitha
    29.11.2016

    “Or even those who are too sure about their size, right up until they see Adonija Wafula shuffling around naked, his member something out of a medieval orgy in ancient Greece casting a shadow even in broad daylight. A thing from the slave trade period, appended on big strong black men, members that can till the land and grow their own flowers.”
    I cannot stop laughing. I swear Biko one of these days you will get me fired!!!




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    • lrange
      06.12.2016

      I know me too hahahahahahaha




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  • Inca
    29.11.2016

    Che Guezulu! aki ya nani…




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  • Njooro
    29.11.2016

    Dude, now I’ll put that on the bucket list. Hahaha




    0
  • Dove
    29.11.2016

    🙂




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  • Wambui
    29.11.2016

    Please do a travel series. Been a while




    0
  • David
    29.11.2016

    Haha, Biko una mambo lakini




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  • Sam
    29.11.2016

    I’ll actually try this-using the drier on my armpits. But what I really hate is wearing my underwear when my balls are still wet. So maybe I’ll try dry them too….




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  • kevin
    29.11.2016

    but what kind of a man dries his arm pits with a hand dryer smh




    0
  • Mwangi
    29.11.2016

    AS always, Tuesday made.Now bring the rest of the week. i have laughed enough for the week already.




    0
  • Nancy
    29.11.2016

    That dint feel right heheee but sounds different so well challenge accepted; do something different!
    Ofcos that was a great read Biko. Till next Tue adios




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    • makobu
      29.11.2016

      Did not abbreviated as didn’t.




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  • Alexis
    29.11.2016

    How do I intend to spend my time differently on earth? Good question, it will definitely not be blow drying my armpits, hehe. Why on earth are you blow drying your armpits, so that they are extra extra dry? What’s the logic? Do people who blow dry their armpits sweat less than the rest of us? Is it one of those quirks that we will have to trace your bloodline for to find out the root cause? Chocolate Man you’re hilarious.




    0
  • Wahito
    29.11.2016

    Haha issues galore




    0
  • kimjoseh
    29.11.2016

    Great read!




    0
  • hahahaha..now I’m curious.
    The title at first glance had me thinking we’ll be subjected to locker room talk ‘À la The Donald..’




    0
    • General Zod
      29.11.2016

      Heheh…..grabbing




      0
    • Amy M
      29.11.2016

      Someone should send this to Donald. Perhaps it might suggest other things to do or discuss in the locker room.




      0
  • Rachael
    29.11.2016

    The Adonija and Bokasa thing, hahaha. Men should go back to ugali ya kusiagwa and kuku kienyeji
    to save themselves from some questions and self doubt.




    0
  • Gamal
    29.11.2016

    …eti the “C” in Guci is silent? hehe




    0
  • Victor
    29.11.2016

    I must now try this




    0
  • abdullah omar
    29.11.2016

    ati Che?hypocrite!




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  • Dok
    29.11.2016

    “Or even those who are too sure about their size, right up until they see Adonija Wafula shuffling around naked, his member something out of a medieval orgy in ancient Greece casting a shadow even in broad daylight. A thing from the slave trade period, appended on big strong black men, members that can till the land and grow their own flowers.Now I look stupid because I can’t stop laughing.You need help Biko.




    0
    • Nava
      30.11.2016

      here here,
      i’m looking like a loon laughing alone




      0
  • Leperchreun
    29.11.2016

    Adonija Wafula and Bokasa hahaha you do have a thing for names




    0
  • Rita
    29.11.2016

    Wow.. Nice read chocolate man




    0
  • abdullah omar
    29.11.2016

    dutch in a kyuk accent broke my ribs!




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  • tabby
    29.11.2016

    this reminds me of a dude who told me he dried his ass with a hand drier in the office after being rained on n felt his ass was the most uncomfortable being wet. I found it weird for a 35yr old dude with rescinding hair line to confess that to a woman. I ran to cut the story short




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    • fayc
      29.11.2016

      haha this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in2016




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    • bundipat
      29.11.2016

      He told you that?! yieks!! You need cleansing too,for hearing that!




      0
      • tabby
        29.11.2016

        ha haaa…imagine the men of nowadays, i had to go for fasting, prayer and repentance after that. Just picturing him bending and raising his ass to get to the hand drier level. It was just too ungodly.




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        • jetoloXD
          29.11.2016

          haha give the guy a breather, he likes his ass dry, plus we all know some of you girls powder your asses to keep em dry.




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          • J0J0
            08.12.2016

            Really?These things actually happen,hahaa..unbelievable!




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          • tabby
            09.12.2016

            lol, its a crazy world!!




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  • sharl
    29.11.2016

    even Alaine had to look for a wafula!




    0
  • Anthony
    29.11.2016

    Whatever goes on in the locker room stays there. Ask Donald Trump.




    0
    • Kisenya Jesse
      29.11.2016

      Brilliant!




      0
  • Mushie
    29.11.2016

    Hahaha…this was a funny one.I purpose to live my life fully.




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  • Jude Paul
    29.11.2016

    Nice read Biko but wait, hand drier on armpits man!!! Tuesday made, as always.




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  • Debbz
    29.11.2016

    LOl! Chocolate man.. you’re funny.. Adonija Wafula 🙂




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  • Makau
    29.11.2016

    Haha..I went back to count the number of times u used “dries his armpits with a hand drier”.. The emphasis was just too much..good read!!




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    • Vero
      29.11.2016

      Haha me too!!!




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  • IceBreaker
    29.11.2016

    It was only one guy 2 weeks ago, then you Biko. BY the end of this year you will be half the members. By next year you guys will be queueing for the hand dryer to dry your armpits.




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  • Kisenya Jesse
    29.11.2016

    Hahahahaha I love this one….. The gym I go to doesn’t have guys who walk about naked. I hear in some gyms men prance around naked, their dongs swinging dangerously about.




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  • Dorothy Maingi
    29.11.2016

    “Suddenly you see all the girls in the waiting room raise their heads simultaneously like a pack of penguins that have smelled a mating partner, and you wonder if Adonija is some guy from Tanga with special powers. Kumbe.” Guilty…..i swear those mouthful names are special




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  • OTIENO
    29.11.2016

    Gayish




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  • Mariga
    29.11.2016

    hahaha..
    How you manage to somehow mention kyuk humorously in every post is beyond me.




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  • Wambui
    29.11.2016

    Biko, I love when you write just because….




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  • Amina said
    29.11.2016

    Lol,good read though




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  • American height
    29.11.2016

    you never dissapoint Chocolate man! Thanks for always giving me a reason to look foward to Tuesdays




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  • Larry
    29.11.2016

    Its a great parallel to life and our dual thought processes.




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  • Clement Ndege
    29.11.2016

    Che Guezulu. We Mse utatuua hapa Siku moja. Enjoyed today’s post.Very




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  • Carol
    29.11.2016

    I will look at the hand drier in a totally new way henceforth and oh Kikuyu’s and the silent “c”




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  • Shiela
    29.11.2016

    Chocolate man….Eeeh you have crossed the line…nimecheka yangu yote




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  • danjael
    29.11.2016

    you can never teach a damn monkey newer tricks. these hoodrats really act up once they get a job




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  • Ma Lenny
    29.11.2016

    “By the way, do you know anyone called Adonija?”
    “Who?”
    “Adonija Wafula.”
    “No, why?”
    “Ah, never mind, he’s some debt collector.”
    Haha…..That cracked my ribs & I visualized the scene 🙂




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  • samuel oloo
    29.11.2016

    If drying an armpit using a hand drier raises eyebrows but leaves you feeling mighty fresh, then deal me in. Thanks for emancipation Chocolate man.




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  • Tony
    29.11.2016

    Ive laughed kweli kweli… too hilarious i needed that…




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  • Shiko munene
    29.11.2016

    After my divorce from a 18yr marriage, I found my adonija. He seems to think peeing in the sink since I’m using the toilet is OK. I always watch both disgusted & fascinated. But after 18years of mediocre “fun” I’m gonna have to turn a blind eye to this ka-habit




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    • Mr. Nduta
      30.11.2016

      Hehehehe..Be careful, if you divorce this one, the next one will be peeing in a cup




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      • Pharik
        01.12.2016

        Hahahaha! crazy




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  • felista
    29.11.2016

    What was the post about Biko? Musings of chocolate man.




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  • Millie
    29.11.2016

    Hahaha… and he walks around the gym surprised that none of the ladies in the gym has proposed to his biceps yet… I see a lot of these fellas in our gym. Hand dryers and armpits? Nope. Not yet, but I wont be surprised to see them after this post.




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  • Achero
    29.11.2016

    Still hang up on the Sandra conversation,especially when she stuffs her bra into her handbag! Ohh the long cold shower needed later lol…




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  • Abigail
    29.11.2016

    LOL…..Biko!I felt like Che Guezulu..*Sigh*




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  • Carolyn
    29.11.2016

    Hahaha this article was hilarious




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  • Kenyan Lawyer
    29.11.2016

    nice




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  • Kat
    29.11.2016

    My goodness, now look what you’ve done. Everyone will be drying their armpits using the hand drier from now on.




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  • Celine
    29.11.2016

    Hehehe…Tuesday made. May you live long Biko!




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  • jetoloXD
    29.11.2016

    Guci and the “c” is silent. sometimes it feels like you build a maze around your humour. But I see what you did there. your in-laws will summon you to the kiama. haya!




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  • Infamous Charles
    29.11.2016

    OK, I have fetishes but drying my armpits is not one. With a dryer? Its a bit gay… First you attack football (which is manly) and then dry armpits using a dryer. Noooo, afana




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  • Anne
    29.11.2016

    another chap who is rummaging through his gym bag – hopefully for a knife to stab the armpit-dryer. lol




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  • Penina
    29.11.2016

    Hehe…. Be different… Be yourself!




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  • Joan
    29.11.2016

    I dry my armpits using a hand dryer too. i know it’s queer but am an Aquarius. damn it!!




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  • Cathy
    29.11.2016

    Hahaha this is such a good read. Hilarious




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  • Annie
    29.11.2016

    My Ribs!! awesome read Chocolate man




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  • regina mwengi
    29.11.2016

    The number of times you have mentioned armpit, dryer and man, just shows what a
    burden it was holding onto this information to your heart..the queer things that
    people do in those locker rooms




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  • Amanda
    29.11.2016

    To think this train of thought all started because some guy dried his armpits with a hand drier! People even your smallest actions have the power to change lives!




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  • alice
    29.11.2016

    Honey, do you someone called Japheth Wanjala? No dear, why?…oh never mind, he is Adonija’s cousin! Biko, you too funny, thanks again.




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  • Mike
    29.11.2016

    this article is so gay man.good writing though




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  • Muindi Kimanzi
    29.11.2016

    That Sandra bit saved this story for me. It’s a surge of creativity right there.




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  • Kui
    29.11.2016

    Hahahah..eti lick spoon after stirring tea…who does that lol




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  • jackline
    29.11.2016

    Hahaha when i started reading this i.e about the drier and armpit I was
    more than sure you were going to try it, what i wasn’t sure is that you
    would love it….lol




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  • Joe Wainaina
    29.11.2016

    I can only imagine the damage to the guys self esteem if she in fact did know Adonija Wafula…




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  • Waceke
    29.11.2016

    Amazing read !!!!!!Adonija Wafula , I’m sure many people will be looking for you,




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  • Betty
    29.11.2016

    Behold the hand dryer! How I thought u would never put a finger on that thing.
    The repetition about the guy that dries his armpits with the hand dryer created a flow, a rhythm to say the least.




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  • Biegon
    29.11.2016

    And such men never have names like Martin or John or Jackson
    So what are you saying Biko?!




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  • Mildred Akoth
    30.11.2016

    Adonija Wafula,a debt collector…what I do differently on earth?!still thinking. I love the post.




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  • Carol Ohonde
    30.11.2016

    Bwahahahaha! I’ll never look at a hand drier the same way ever again!




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  • Sandra
    30.11.2016

    Aaaiii Biko!!! I’ve heard locker room stories but this one killed it! This Adonija guy,well let’s just leave that to our imaginations. Ooh I can relate to Sandra. Somethings guys do,apana.




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  • mbocha
    30.11.2016

    ‘I like how wet a cow’s nose gets’ rib cracked




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  • Lilian Mutea
    30.11.2016

    This is both weird and interesting at the same time! While reading I mus have had this look on my face … as some one pointed “what is so funny? “




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  • Oliver
    30.11.2016

    Biko I think you already Exhausted your gay quota.




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  • Mourice Okeya
    30.11.2016

    A classical masterpiece.




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  • Chela
    30.11.2016

    Hilarious piece Biko.




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  • Dexterous
    30.11.2016

    At first i couldnt understand your morbid fascination with a half naked guy blowing his armpits with a hand dryer….and then kumbe….

    Great read as usual, Biko




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  • Mr. Nduta
    30.11.2016

    What i have done differently on earth is to dry my underwear in a microwave when I washed it while on a trip thinking I had packed more




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  • Jennifer
    01.12.2016

    Awesome read. ‘Did you cum’, hehehe
    Insecure man.




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  • Joy Mutuku
    01.12.2016

    Because my parents didn’t struggle to take me to good schools to date men who dried their armpits with hand dryers. What will he do next? Wax? Aaa ahhh. No. You have to draw the line with these men.

    Hahahaha Biko you have made my day




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  • Sharon
    01.12.2016

    I will sound like one of those chicks who say, “90-mins is sooo long, can’t they make it like one hour tops?” (Well, then they’d rather just play volleyball.) Great as always, you never disappoint Biko.




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  • Sucrose
    01.12.2016

    Did you mean hand dryer or hair dryer? Kwani hand dryers hang loose ? I can’t imagine setting up an armpit under a hand dryer though … lol!




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    • Moha
      04.12.2016

      “I can’t imagine setting up an armpit under a hand dryer”Hahaha my sentiments exactly. I think he meant hair dryer. Hiyo correction ikam through mara moja.




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  • CK
    01.12.2016

    Confessions, confessions………




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  • Esther Muigai
    01.12.2016

    Hahaha!!! what a story! thanks for making my day!




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  • Barbara Wabuyele
    01.12.2016

    Trust you me even ladies blow dry their hairs using those hand dryers….I’ve always been thoroughly offended but I guess as a upcoming “feminist” it’s good to know I’ve something against men too…haha




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  • Contrarian
    02.12.2016

    What a twist in the plot?! I labored through the initial bit about the fellow with the hand dryer, thinking to myself, ‘let the fellow be’. To each his own. And it is not the worst thing anyone ever did. Just when I thought the entire write up was pointless, Adonija/Joachim/Bokasa came (haha, see that? a pleasant pun) into the plot and suddenly the story changed course. Then the zinger! After all the rant and tirade about the handdryer, Che Guezulu himself turns on us and becomes a “partaker”! What a twist. I burst out laughing in full view of colleagues who were all in Library mode on reading this..Plus it can’t be good for some men who are, uhm, insecure about their size. Or even those who are too sure about their size, right up until they see Adonija Wafula shuffling around naked, his member something out of a medieval orgy in ancient Greece casting a shadow even in broad daylight. A thing from the slave trade period, appended on big strong black men, members that can till the land and grow their own flowers.




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  • Diana
    02.12.2016

    Adonija Wafula’s Wife….thats me




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  • Martha Nderitu
    03.12.2016

    waay too hilarious, i genuinely loved it!




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  • JOSEPH MWOHA
    05.12.2016

    I am Insired by your Writing skills http://www.limurutimes.co.ke




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  • Njeri
    06.12.2016

    this story is about daring to be different…poleni for those who cannot
    “shikanisha”…a great read as always Biko !




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  • Fent_1
    08.12.2016

    Biko though, your mind is a circus.




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  • weru
    22.12.2016

    hahah hilarious i love it ….




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