A Man. A Table. A Chair.

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It all started with a girl. I’m sure you all remember her. The dancer. The doctor girl who saves children in ICU. The one who hadn’t been on a date this year. So she wanted a man, someone who wasn’t going to show up with a wedding band hidden in his pocket. Someone who was funny and attentive and could take her to a place with a table and a chair and maybe a window with a view. Someone who would not spend his time staring at his phone but stare into her eyes, listen to her and laugh at her witty repartee and ask her what a tourniquet is. Someone who wasn’t going to yawn at medical lore of when it all comes down to the wire and what stands between life and death is a prayer. Someone confident and unintimidated by her unadulterated brilliance, someone who wasn’t going to pitch up with his tail hanging limply between his legs. She wanted to laugh and maybe eat something that wouldn’t require her to open her mouth too wide – there is a time and place for that, and a first date in a year wasn’t going to be it.

She wanted a man who stood a good head over her. Maybe two heads. She didn’t care if he came with a thinning hairline or a wooden leg that he would then lean against the wall. She wanted a decent man with a little bit of culture in his bones and a flair in his mannerism. She didn’t want go somewhere with an elaborate chandelier. Or with waiters in white gloves. Or with valets with no facial hair. She was particular that she wasn’t looking to have hors d’oeuvres. A vegetable wrap in an obscure spoon that smelled of onions would do just fine.

Because what she wanted was a man, a chair, a table and a moment. She was ready to eat with her hands. Because she’s that girl.

So I wrote about her HERE.

And the men wrote in. Hundreds and hundreds of them. Men and boys. Married men and curious men and naughty men and old men and men who wrote the first letters of their names in small letters, men who used smiley emoticons, charming men, suspicious men, crass men, idle men, men from out of town, men who wanted to take a bus to Nairobi just to feed her, men who suspected this was some sort of sick social experiment, brave invincible (much) younger men overconfident of their chops, tall men who announced their height in the first sentence, short men who said their height didn’t matter because they were bringing a storm to her doorstep, beautiful men with beautiful profile pictures.

There was a sprinkling of women who wrote as well because, well, what a man can do, a woman can do, right? All’s fair in love and war, innit darlings?

There were 623 emails in the doctor’s email at the last count. That’s a lot of men, folks. I asked for the password because, I knew there lurked a story in there. Besides, I was curious to see this “best foot” the men intended to put forth. In the emails were some familiar names, some chaps who I didn’t even think read this blog, but I guess the predatory instinct of all men remains latent. There were men who addressed her as “madam”. There were the charmers, the snake oil salesmen, smooth to a fault. So smooth I read their emails and thought, “Shit, that email might make daktari pregnant.” There were men who wrote long paragraphs that went nowhere and men who only wrote a word that ignited furious curiosity. Then men who were averse to the usage of commas or full stops. Those who left their emails hanging like doors suddenly left ajar. There were the ones who threw the fight before it started. They wrote, “I know you have probably received lots of emails and you won’t pick me…” Those made me so blue.

There were the ones who seemed to be writing while holding their peckers, their overripe sexual innuendos bubbling just under the surface. I bet these are the guys who have a name for their penis. The ones who tell a girl, “Hi lovely, you are so lost, but Dikembe is here to rescue you.” There were the meek ones with a sharp wit and the loud ones with the personality of a beer coaster. There were the funny chaps that she exchanged numerous emails with before they met. Those were a true joy to read.

The one thing I learnt from those emails is that we – as men – don’t try. 70% of those emails were from men who already came in entitled. Came in boisterous. Or loud. Men with hearts of pharaohs. They started roaring fires with no heat. I know their type, they are men with many options and there is nothing as troublesome as a man coming to the table with many options, in business or otherwise. Because they don’t care enough, if at all.

I couldn’t go through all those emails so I asked daktari to star the ones she felt stood a chance. I was fascinated by her staring process because the ones I thought she would star, she didn’t. Which means I would probably make for a lousy chick in my next life. I suspect I would pick on the wrong guys and maybe even fall pregnant by a man who said he works for Bamburi Cement as a manager kumbe he sells flash disks and screen protectors on Kaunda Street.

Then daktari went on dates. About six so far. (She’s busy with school and work). I thought it would be cliché to write about those dates through her eyes. How about the men tell me about those dates? I thought. She asked them if they were cool being interviewed. They said sawa. One said nyet.

I called most of them two weekends ago, on a balmy evening as I sat at Thirty Thieves bar in Diani, a bold scottish underage called Aberlour for my company, only 12 years old but did adult things to my system. I had my phone cradled between my shoulder and cheek speaking with her first date, a gent called Steve, 33-years old and a researcher. Steve took her to Havana in Westy one evening because ‘they make the best pasta in town.’ He ordered a beer and she, house wine. The light was just right. He said he remembered her complexion and eyes (see? I didn’t lie), her height and how smart she was. “I didn’t think I was her type though, and I’m not sure she was my type either,” he told me. “We didn’t get on like a house on fire. I felt I couldn’t talk to her and vice versa. ” But he bought her achari which chuffed her so much because she says, “Achari is better than flowers any day.”

Then there was date two; Tom Bwana, 31-years, works for Citizen, marketing. I called him while he was in shags in Suba, around Rusinga Island. He said, Let me call you back Biko, I’m taking care of some domestic animals. (At 9.30pm?). They had exchanged 39 emails. Witty in content and context. Then they met at Java, Yaya. Tom got there first and ordered a cold lemonade and emailed her, “I’m the blackest guy in here, the tallest I presume, I’m holding an old phone, can you see me?” He recounted when he called me back.

She came in brown tan boots and had an “exquisite dental formula,” he said. “You lied about her eyes, Biko, you were modest,” he admonished me, “Because they were like polished marbles.” I chuckled. Polished marbles. Down boy. She ordered a Malindi Macchiato. They sat under those Java paintings with market women with wide hips. From both their admission, the date went very well. “We laughed and laughed and laughed.” Bwana said. “He made me laugh so much,” daktari told me, “and later he took me upstairs to shop for a book, a lakeside charmer that one.”  (Note: He’s Suba, actually. Subas are not Luos, they are Bantus, if I’m not wrong, migrated from Congo. But they still want to think they are Luos and so we let them because there is enough room for anyone who wants to be a Luo. We are an equal opportunity like that.)

Date three was Karanja, 33, years old. Very fresh guy. He’s a doctor who studied medicine in Cuba. (I know). He’s doing his masters in surgery in Eldoret. They met at News Cafe at Adlife Center. She had just lost a child in ICU that day so she was bent out of shape. So she knocked several cocktails as she waited for him to come from a rugby match between Kenya and Uganda. When he finally got there, much later, she was well into a meltdown of sorts. Didn’t want to drink any more. Wanted to go home. So they sat in her car in the basement parking with her head against the window, her breath causing a mist against the window. He removed her shoes and rubbed her back and she said she wasn’t in a state to be sociable and kept apologising for being like that and he kept saying it was OK, it’s cool, these things happen. “He was a perfect gentleman, that guy,” she told me, “He didn’t judge me, he never showed irritation, he made sure I got home safe.” The next day she made it up to him. She took him to lunch at The HUB in Karen for ribs at the Roast but it was packed so they ended up at Crossroads. They had chicken. They talked some. Later, they went to ‘walk off the lunch’ at Uhuru Gardens. It was a lovely Saturday afternoon in Nairobi, clear blue skies, the air rent with lavender. “She made me laugh a lot,” he said.  “She is smart and very funny.”

They talk daily now. He doesn’t know what the future holds given that he is in a different city and his focus is his exams right now. “She is good peoples,” he said, “let’s wait and see what happens.”

What happened, though, was a fourth date with a guy called Dun. Dun is younger than daktari – 25 years old. He runs his own outdoor advertising business in Westy. Those billboards you see on highways? He constructs some of them, mounts ads on them. Dun sounded to me like an outlier. When I mentioned that to him he asked, “What? I’m not.” (Because he thought I called him a liar…hehe). Dunny boy, you may want to buy and read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.

Dun bounced her once because work was mad. The day they met he thought they were to meet at Java in town and on the way there his phone was snatched through his car window. So he borrowed a phone and emailed her and she said, ‘I’m not in tao, I’m at Java Yaya.’ Because he was late he parked his car in town and hopped onto a motorbike to make it to Yaya on time.  That to me sounded like something the main character in an Indian movie would do; hair flying in the wind, Ray Bans on,  holding onto the bike guy, rushing to meet the girl who has set him aflame with passion, an Indian girl with a red dot on her forehead. Then as he enters the restaurant, everybody would start dancing and singing to insane choreography, well, everybody but the sulky girl with the red dot on her forehead who would act disinterested even though we all know she will end up with this guy. After he has danced and sung in 200 scenes.

He ordered a coke. “She was bossy,” he told me, “She was very particular about stuff. I figured as a doctor she was used to authority, you know giving nurses orders.” He laughed. They spoke about his car a lot, a Land Rover 101 called Jezebel. They talked about his business and how tough it was. He remembers how tall she was. “She was smart,” he said. “I liked how decided she was because I’m tired of girls who just want to run around having fun.”

They talked a few times after the date and then she sort of went cold on him. He has an inkling why. “There is this time I was in traffic and it was raining and my mtu wa mkono called wanting Shs1,500 so I called her and asked her if she could Mpesa me the money.”

“No you didn’t,” I said laughing.

“Yeah, bana. I thought you’d better hear it from me and not her. Did she mention it?” (She hadn’t).

“What did she say? Did she MPesa you the money?”

“No, she didn’t,” he said with a frustrated sigh. “I don’t even know what I was thinking, man. I could have asked my mom for that money. I think she thinks I’m not serious and that’s why she has gone silent on me. What do you think?”

I think so too, boss. I suspect that maybe she is afraid that maybe next time you will ask her for rent because “There is a ka-cheque that is yet to clear…” you know how it starts, ey?

Fifth date didn’t want to be interviewed.

Sixth date was Kiura, 28 years old. He’s in digital PR. This is the ONLY guy who didn’t call her back after the date. He sounded like a real cool chap on phone. He had a girlfriend for four years but she left the country and then things went pear shaped. He has been single since. Someone in the office dared him to write to daktari and take her on a date after my story because he was becoming a bit of a scary loner, not going on dates etc. Next he would start rescuing stray kittens, like someone I know.

They met at Java Upper Hill. He waited for her for two and half hours (work, traffic etc) during which time he had three cups of coffee. Daktari later apologised profusely when she arrived (and later paid for their dinner). He said it was lots of fun, even though he hates small talk: “We are both introverts, so we found a lot of ground talking about our weirdness.” There were no awkward moments of silence. Or even comfortable moments of silence.

Here is why he didn’t call her back. He asked her what she was looking for and she said she was looking to meet people. He is looking to date. He is the kind of guy who doesn’t want to meet chicks, he wants to date them. So he never called her back.

He stepped into the night after the date and got swallowed into the waiting darkness and she never heard from him. And I’m sure she secretly wonders why he never called because she never opened her mouth wide at the table, or chewed loudly.

I spoke to all these gentlemen on phone, and they had one golden thread running through them; they were all very well spoken. They sounded like grounded and well adjusted fellows. I liked their spirit. They were easy to laugh and to make laugh. Guys you never have to break ice with. Mostly they sounded like good intentioned, gentlemen. Which says something about daktari’s choices.

I don’t know what daktari wants, but really, which mortal knows what women want? Maybe she’s sated with the dates. Maybe she will pick one of these guys, or maybe she won’t pick none of them. Maybe all she wanted was to revive the feeling of sitting across a man and smelling his mind, and eating his laughter in small tiny bites. And now that that is done, maybe she will go back to the darkness of the Intensive Care Unit where broken children struggle with their lives and she will join the good Lord battle the Angel of Death in the eternal tightrope of life and death.

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    1. we had good representation, from The charmers, the snake oil salesmen, smooth to a fault. So smooth I read their emails and thought, “Shit, that email might make daktari pregnant.”..

  1. aaaih Biko, you just said last week you would want to come back as an egg laying creature in the next life , not a lady…no??

    funny piece , always.

  2. Hey, Am number what in the commenting list. Some of us comment 1st b4 reading 😂😂😂

  3. Yaani Tom Bwana is charming females here while I spend my weekends watching Ozzy Mn Reviews on youtube, alone in my boxers.

    Mr Biko, do you have other daktari female pals who work in less depressing units than ICU, or the artiste types. Kama those sarakasi dancers. I need some female interaction before I start collecting stray cats….

    1. Hahaha don’t let Tom Bwana get to you Hangetsu. Weekends were made for what you do. Wearing boxers and watching man stuff!

  4. “Thirty Thieves bar in Diani” …Biko where did you take the other ten thieves?
    Or is there a new bar 🙂 . www.shesatomboy.net

  5. wow “I don’t know what daktari wants, but really, which mortal knows what women want?” no worries half the time we also dont know nice read as usual

  6. This daktari situation reminds me of You’ve Got Mail. Old movie starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Loved it.

    I am just happy that there are no remarks about creepy people. May she find what she is looking for.

  7. Was expecting someone to say how they checked their nails before the date, went to the forex to get their dollars changed etc hehe

        1. I thought I was the only one too. Was about subscribing again. No problem, Biko. We have all the time you need.

          mikeinioluwa.wordpress.com

    1. I’m torn between Karanja the doc and Tom from Citizen…she seems to have a connection with both
      Loved this one Biko.
      Why not match-make people professionally?
      Seems like fun.

  8. Hope the best man gets the lady. So ladies, good single men are out there. Ask Biko to send the contacts your way, they have been vetted by a Doc.

  9. Reading all that and all I remember is the Dikembe part 🙂 🙂 Good read Biko though. I like the finesse of Daktari. I think when I’ll be old enough and all wealthy I’ll hire you to get girls flock my email. Later I will write about what women want. Promise.

  10. So smooth This was hilarious!!! One of my favorite lines? “I read their emails and thought, “Shit, that email might make daktari pregnant.” Biko, seriously!!! Rooting for the Citizen chap. Laughing at each other’s jokes is pretty darn awesome!

  11. …beautiful men with beautiful profile pictures. That’s damn scaring… I also know a loner who rescues cats… 😮 The doctor seems to have a thing for the doctor… The others will just fall by the wayside. Lakini huyo wa MPESA bana!!!!

      1. Beavon (autocorrect tried to insist I spell it as Beacon, which I think would make a lovely name, till the mean kids start calling you Bacon) that’s Uglish (google it, maybe) that Mercy is using up there.

        Mercy, nice to meet you here. Pro tip, don’t drop your link in the comment itself. It’s too obvious, like the dude in this post who has a name for his dangly bits. The better option is to showcase your writing character in your comment so people are curious enough to click on your name and organically head to your blog or even google you like they are doing with the Tom chap. Also, a gravatar will help.

  12. I’ve loved this article so much. Biko you must have sensed some of us wanted to know the aftermath of daktari’s search for a suitor. That character who asked for money simply crossed the line.

  13. There were the charmers, the snake oil salesmen, smooth to a fault. So smooth I read their emails and thought, “Shit, that email might make daktari pregnant.” …This right here is gold!

  14. “I was fascinated by her staring process because the ones I thought she would star, she didn’t. Which means I would probably make for a lousy chick in my next life. I suspect I would pick on the wrong guys and maybe even fall pregnant by a man who said he works for Bamburi Cement as a manager kumbe he sells flash disks and screen protectors on Kaunda Street.” Hahaha Biko this piece is just it!Very funny. Lakini this Dun guy do men borrow money from women? All the best daktari.

  15. Lol!I can tell you’ve watched them Indian movies from the description.I also get irritated by people who don’t cap the first letters of their names too.’Dikembe’hehehe

  16. 623 e-mails, that’s just overwhelming. Nice read as always, would love to hear from her point of view how this experience has been so far!

  17. Tom Bwana attending to domestic animals at 9:30pm?which ones fish ? But you got game Bwana!! All the best Daktari!! But that guy of land-rover and mpesa eish!

  18. Dikembe Disembe might feel endowed for that mention. ‘Daktari won’t pick none of them.’ She will pick the monocotyledon cremator who told a client to email her.

  19. I am at the hospital waiting area…with 24hr hunger on me…but I have laughed till and got a hunger stitch…you got a way with words..anyway Daktari has some good prospects..

  20. Good read Biko.
    note to Daktari: when you’re ready to date, I feel like Guy Six deserves a shot.
    sorry Tom Bwana..You sound too smooth.Red flag!!

  21. hehehe… very very interesting i must say. The question still remains unanswered, What exactly does Daktari want??

    Dikembe is actually someones name hehe… got a friend called Dikembe Disembe…

    Boss how come we don’t get email notification? Last week and this week there has been no notification.

    1. hahaha..clif the tall…u dont say.how does Dikembe look like lol..i will never look at that name the same way again(as a human name). thanks to chocolate man

  22. Introverts are complicated yet simple. We sit there listening to you with over 30 tabs opened in our heads solving problems. I agree with the guy who never called.
    *Ghost reader.

  23. Such a mouthful description of “men”. I can now be able to categorize them not limited to the usual ‘men are dogs/pigs'(which i think is shallow of us women). Daktari has a load of sampling to do.all the best.did you mention that the offer was open for women as well?hehe

  24. Great read Chocolate Man. You never disappoint. Dunn (date no. 4) should know better.
    You don’t borrow money from women.

  25. So my pal Tom Bwana tried her out. I hope he made it to the finals. Thats like attempting steeplechase Olympics qualifiers in Eldy and you arent even Kale’

  26. Speaking of rescuing stray kittens, i met this one; An animal lover, She loves social media because it’s the best sanctuary where she can show off her adorable dog or cat. Or mouse. Or fish. Sometimes she posts a heartwarming picture of how she saved a fish from drowning.
    She has very loyal followers who will support her and her pets never to let her and her animal kingdom down.
    Her other interests include: using dog filters on Snapchat, Rescuing Animals, impromptu trips to Petco or the Nairobi Animal orphanage, hanging out at the dog park, taking creep shots of other peoples pets and forcing them to love her back. She wont get off a dogs back however hot under the collar it barks!

      1. Saying that she needs human contact is judging her already. Maybe she simply has a passion and isn’t shy about it?

      2. hahahaha…pets are incredible. Great ice-breakers too for conversation. There’s nothing that makes a bad day turn good when someone’s cute fluffy dog wags it’s tail furiously and tries to jump at you with joy. She can make money that way btw..like @jiffpom on instagram, with a whooping 2.9m followers.

        1. Now that true love does not come around everyday, I bet it could be safe to say if you want to find true love, keep a puppy? a pomeranian poodle maybe? Or maybe i know naught about love

  27. That chap who bought a book……win. Biko,can you like start a charity organisation for hooking us up with suitable men? May as many as of the similar opinion say AYE. See? All the singles said AYE.

  28. I’m Single*, yes, with an asterisk; because I’m in the middle of a divorce but going on dates sporadically. The one thing I learnt from those emails is that we – as men – don’t try. 70% of those emails were from men who already came in entitled. Came in boisterous. Or loud. Men with hearts of pharaohs. They started roaring fires with no heat. I know their type, they are men with many options and there is nothing as troublesome as a man coming to the table with many options, in business or otherwise. Because they don’t care enough, if at all. I absolutely loved this piece and can relate with some of Daktari’s experiences. I was laughing out loud in the office. I concurr, in totality, with this particular paragraph:

    “The one thing I learnt from those emails is that we – as men – don’t try. 70% of those emails were from men who already came in entitled. Came in boisterous. Or loud. Men with hearts of pharaohs. They started roaring fires with no heat. I know their type, they are men with many options and there is nothing as troublesome as a man coming to the table with many options, in business or otherwise. Because they don’t care enough, if at all.”

  29. Read the entire article with bated breath..Then rushed to google Tom Bwana *hides*
    “you are so lost, but Dikembe is here to rescue you”..still laughing at that one..
    Very very Awesome read Biko!

  30. Guy number 6 sounds solid and focused. The mpesa guy needs to get his act together. Daktari needs to go on a few more dates and let us know who she decides on. Perhaps her first child will be Jackie either way 🙂

  31. Definitely happy not to be in the dating pool after those experiences!
    Well written and entertaining as usual! Kudos ☺

  32. This one got me..
    ….. and maybe eat something that wouldn’t require her to open her mouth too wide ……………..
    .there is a time and place for that

  33. a bold scottish underage called Aberlour for my company, only 12 years old but did adult things to my system.
    I love that description!

  34. eish Biko!! What was that Dun guy thinking?? does he know how much of a turn-off it is for a man you’ve just met to borrow you money??? alafu ati you mpesa him?? I have been there before, with a guy telling me he forgot to pay his Go-tv, so I pay for him, he would refund me the next day!! I was out from his life like a light! Men, it is not good at all!! No matter how charming you think you may be! its a NO-NO!

  35. A very articulate lady once told me that laughter is not only the best medicine, but the desire of every woman from a man, or a date. Maybe, that’s what daktari wants considering the intensity of her work. A man will always be intrigued by the female in front of him, and will in turn get to understand very little because his focus is not in knowing most of the time, but in the useless things. That’s why we may never know what our ladies want.

  36. I like the Doctor from Eldoret, that sounds like a keeper. I married the guy who saw me very inebriated. And instead of taking advantage he took care of me. great read as always Biko!

  37. I know their type, they are men
    with many options and there is nothing as
    troublesome as a man coming to the table with
    many options, in business or otherwise.Hahaha hilarious. You know how to light up a dull day Biko!

  38. Amazing follow up. Cool dudes lined up..Hope daktari finds what she’s looking for. She’s still young..there’s loads of time. Some women have given up along the way, and just at the time they’ve given up, Mr Right has come along, so she shouldn’t lose heart.
    https://www.instagram.com/travelogues_africangirl/

    1. Ermm…The MPesa guy sounds like he’s related to the fellow who came to the date with dollars. Hapana, no can do..One word: RUN.

      Then the nitpicker; the one that hangs on every word and uses it as an excuse to reject a lady.
      “Here is why he didn’t call her back. He asked her what she was looking for and she said she was looking to meet people. He is looking to date. He is the kind of guy who doesn’t want to meet chicks, he wants to date them. So he never called her back…”
      Nawaoooh! That one gat some complexes. Reminds me of a guy on quora who was bragging about how he walked away mid-lunch date just because the lady casually mentioned she never picks the tab, and that she believes guys should take care of the lady..of course they should. What a jerk! What happened to chivalry…some days I wish we would go back to medieval times,

      1. I found him off too. He sounded like a guy who only wants a
        replacement for his Ex. But then again, he had been waiting for
        2.5 hours (Why on earth didn’t she just reschedule the whole thing?)
        That’s enough time to come up with reasons why you don’t want to do this

  39. Daktari isn’t the only one looking for a man, a table and chair and a view……its so hard to meet well spoken men

  40. Hey Biko, I wouldn’t mind going on a date with “Kiura, 28 years old. He’s in digital PR” maybe me and him might have more in common than just being introverts 🙂 “smiley face”

  41. scottish underage Aberlour only 12 years old but really did magic adult things to your system Biko…. Last time i checked Diani had Forty Thieves not Thirty did the under 10 refilled your underage drink?
    All the best Doctor!!!
    And seriously Dun Hahahaha he really didnt know what he was thinking

  42. Biko – you should write a piece on Diaspora bachelors. Those guys are a sad bunch.
    Hanging out alone in NYC bars, dreaming of gone days back in Nai where they were champions of Team Mafisi and the like.

  43. Hoooold on biko. Isn’t she the same woman that dismissed a man because he had dirty nails? Manidates are actually way interesting than a scripted boring lunch date. I have noticed that all these guys took her to ‘fancy’ cliche places. The norm. “Oh well, let’s go to Java or newscafe and have some lunch or a psychojack to wash the pretense away and talk about unicorns.” That’s how I’ve seen all her dates. It’s not that men don’t try. We, as women do not get out of our way too. How about you do a homemade lunch? You want a good date? Make a meal whilst together. Not some burnt offering haha! Something edible. Scripted dates come with extra pressure. No wonder people lack something to talk about. Unless you find snails in your java meal and you can’t eat the snail and it slides through your conversation, it’s boring. Meet and have sex(let’s stop pretending it’s part of meeting people). Or meet, have a beer or two or better whiskey and let hI’m drop you off (don’t let him come in if you dont want sec. I repeat, DON’T. Haha). Great conversation starters btw. With the formalities and uncomfortable nature of choosing food at a non comfortable zone, dates suck. Maybe as women we should also try because a date at these norm places won’t bring up diamond conversations but what do I know, I can’t speak dating. Smh Biko talk to this girl. She needs to do something fun. With a fun guy. Unless she likes it that way, let the hunt continue.

      1. Ati meet and have sex!*rolls eyes* kwani the test involves inserting various ginenes till u find the perfect fit to know he is the one!?get real missy!Also why let a stranger into your house on day 1!?!!!

      2. I agree. Elaborate excursions are for 2nd & 3rd dates; at this point things are heading somewhere.
        As for home cooked meals…well, this is different for everyone. I’m super weird about who gets invited into my personal space…so home cooked meals, home movie/Netflix sessions are intimate gatherings I reserve for immediate family & close friends…

  44. hope the good doctor lands her cupid. geez..to think that guy will someday soon be reminded she had 600+ guys to pick from and she ended up with cow! that kind of pressure. you know how ladies like to boomerang that shit.

  45. Do first time commentors get the same rush as first commentors…. Glad to know am not the only one thinking Biko should extend me the same favour as the good dactari and throw dates my way. How do people even find dates today anyway? So typical too…the guy, (Dun the indian wannabe) who would jump on a motorbike to find me piques my interest but does not dissapoint… Mpesa! I long for the days when Mpesa was not yet discovered to tempt our folly. Penning a missive would drag out sense innevitably making the Mpesa urgency irrelevant. Safaricom what did we ever do to you, even potential dates you have robbed us of.

  46. All these guys sound like ‘Nice Guys’ and i have a feeling that they will all get friend-zoned. You know what they say about nice guys finishing last in these seduction matters. I gotta a feeling…

  47. The ones who tell a girl, “Hi lovely, you are so lost, but Dikembe is here to rescue you.”
    Hahahahahahahaahahahaha, I laughed and found myself in Timbuktu!! Biko you need serious help!

  48. I was rooting for Dun, the owner of Jezebel (since he ditched his car for a motorbike to keep time) then nigga asks for money after 1 date? On the plus side, I think he would be the first to propose of all those gents.

  49. “I suspect that maybe she is afraid that maybe next time you will ask her for rent because “There is a ka-cheque that is yet to clear…” you know how it starts, ey?” …What is wrong with these late 20s/ early 30s ‘boys’ and borrowing money women?

  50. (Note: He’s Suba, actually. Subas are not Luos, they are Bantus, if I’m not wrong, migrated from Congo. But they still want to think they are Luos and so we let them because there is enough room for anyone who wants to be a Luo. We are an equal opportunity like that. LOL BIKO!!

  51. The doc guy sounds cool.

    I also don’t know what we woman want. I joined Tinder sometime back and went for dates with like 4 guys, two were nice and serious but I’m still single heheh.

  52. Me and Daktari are cut from the same cloth!Though i now have a 7th sense after my ordeals which she will in a year or two, To sum up she will want to go for a second date with Kiura, i can easily bet on that!

  53. Now am thinking you flip the script Biko and have a few chicks throw in their lots in trying to impress an ultimate bachelor.

  54. Biko you need to tell me how you do it, Like why do you write so well? Maybe I can hold your shoulder latewr, but only if you show me now Kaka

  55. I like the last guy. Knows whats he wants and is comfortable with it. Though he should have called to make sure she reached home well. The Suba guy also is interesting with a book gift.

  56. Biko,i hope we won’t have to go hunting for the Tuesday article next. I hope the “hitulafu” gets fixed quick quick. You are stressing us!

  57. I think daktari has a dark past; well we all do. What i mean is daktari has something holding her off commitment, a phobia perhaps out of a broken heart. Maybe a trauma out of past experiences.

  58. She wanted to laugh and maybe eat something that wouldn’t require her to open her mouth too wide – there is a time and place for that, and a first date in a year wasn’t going to be it.

    I see what you did there chocolate man…

    I was going to vent about the email botification but let me take tea instead.

  59. Not sure whether this gives hope to the single ladies/women out here patiently waiting for that good guy that will charm the daylights out of her…time will tell.

  60. may she get all she is looking for and more. 27 to 29 is a scary age. she will be fine when she gets to 30. I hope she finds the love she is looking for. Thanks biko

  61. Dates are over rated!why go on a date to meet a representative? We both know whatever you are at that table is who you want to be and not the real you. Always go for the one you make least effort to be around and you’ll never regret it. As for daktari,pick your fellow doc. Out of the bunch he is the one you’d sync well with. But women being women she will probably zone daktari but keep him close enough as her safety net, her lovely eyes are probably set on guy 6 trying to figure out what he is all about (good luck with that). Bwana Tom will confuse her,rush in and out of her (pun) before she can say ‘Dikembe”.

  62. How do people really get dates in nairobi. I can really relate.You find somene good looking but you just know he doesnt match your intellectual capacity. So sad and then they say we are picky. Reading this while listening to big girls cry by Sia. I think your blog should have music that relates to the topic, you get sooo immersed into the story. Good read though. I hope I find him without going Daktari’s way.

    1. Intellect, is over rated. Real love is more of feelings; how we feel and how we make those we love feel. Its good to have some good IQ. It helps in life. In love, it plays 2nd fiddle to the affective faculty.

  63. … and there goes Chocolate Man cum Dr. Love, the gothic night ships are finally letting down sails, the dawn is nearing and the once empty dock is now crowded, the captain is inspecting the new sailors but the bar is high, she not only needs a cargo handler. Being the intellect captain she is, one must believe she is loking for a pilot. Goodluck to her.
    Following for my litten hunter Dikembe…