Men and Women of Letters

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7

A girl from USIU shows up at our office to interview me. She’s a brown, fragile-looking girl with a thin smile and laughter that can’t fit in her fist. Joy Ruguru. She’s wearing these round-toed flat shoes and somewhat rose-tinted spectacles. She says she’s a big fan. She says “thank you for meeting me,” again. And again. She’s fidgety, perched on the edge of her seat ready to bolt at the first sound of a banging door. She never puts her purse down, cuddles it in her lap like an ill pet. She does  Business IT in uni but that’s not her passion. She wants to write. Out comes two phones, the first one is a white IPhone 6,  where she has structured a bunch of intimidating questions that she plans to pelt me with. (I’m shaking in my socks). She’s at that lovely stage where they write questions down the previous night and studiously mull over them and internalise them. It’s charming how she looks at her questions almost in awe. The other phone looks like something that fell off Pluto.

She’s nervous as hell.

So I do what you would do; I start joshing. She bursts into pockets of brittle laughter so sharp they can crack a wine glass.  Fred walks into the office carrying a donut. Fred hardly ever eats. He’s as waif as a rail. So him carrying food is a sight to behold. I suspect he will eat that donut the whole day and then not eat anything again until the next day at dinnertime. I introduce them: “This is Joy and she is here to interview me.” I think Fred is envious, even though he’s the one holding a donut.

I want his donut. I duck to the next room and fetch myself one from one of Fred’s girls – Charlene – who is trying to lose weight but then some secret admirer sent her a boxful of Mr. Donuts. (And you say Nairobi men are not romantic?) I take a bite and offer one to my nervous interviewer in her snub-nosed shoes. She takes a modest bite because a lady doesn’t open her mouth too wide and politely hands it back. I take another bite and offer her back. She takes another small bite and we sit there chewing and saying how awesome that donut is. Traditionally this is called breaking bread but today it’s called breaking ice.

I crack some silly jokes. I have many silly jokes when you catch me on a good day. And she has. She giggles heartlessly. Nervousness slips down to her round-toed shoes. (OK, fine, I like her shoes) She says she can’t have more donut but whenever a chick says she can’t have more of something sweet like a cake or a muffin she probably means she wants more but she shouldn’t have more because it’s not good for her waistline. So I tell her, “Come, don’t spoil this special moment, finish that off” and she offers a resigned look and takes the remaining donut. See? She wanted more.

She sets up her voice recorder on her IPhone and looks at her questions and sighs and says how nervous she has been whole day and how she feels relaxed now. (Donuts are good for nerves). I want to tell her not to write that winning BAKE was a ‘dream come true,” like they reported in the newspaper but I figured saying that would make her nervous and we don’t want that after sharing a donut. She looks down at her questions and with a held breath she asks, “ Did you see yourself getting here with the blog when you started?”

And that’s a decent opening question. Even for someone with snub-nosed shoes.

Six years ago when we (yes, si we are a family now?) started this blog, Thika Road wasn’t even a highway. Fashion blogging wasn’t a thing yet. Selfies were unheard of. Yoga hadn’t moved to Kileleshwa. Sauti Sol hadn’t started removing their shirts. In fact, Nerea hadn’t even gotten a boyfriend yet, let alone getting pregnant. Folk ate carbohydrates. Instagram was an infant. Vanity was only evolving. Fast. Here, we called this blog High School because we were young and impressionable. We met here every Monday. And we were unhinged. We laughed (still do) and sometimes we got sombre. We didn’t really know what we wanted from each other, but it felt good to meet here on Mondays and have a tickle and a giggle. And nobody gave two shits on who commented first.

We had guys like Kibidubidu whose comments you had to read with a dictionary. Kina Kimutai in his kitenge. Then we blossomed. We graduated from High School and came here and even more people came on board.  Interesting folk for the most part. And when we gave Jadudi a hand we knew that this shit here isn’t for just laughs, that we would step up to the plate when we wanted to. We had become a family; diverse, opinionated, respectful and still fun.  Even the names became louder – kina Peter Wesh. Some with three names: Caroline Achieng Otieno. Kina Cliff the Tall, who I’m sure isn’t even thaaat tall. Kina Anitah and Mwaura Mswati, an admirer of King Mswati, I suppose. There were also a bunch of commenters who hide behind monikers. And then the thousands of ghost readers who came in quietly, read and went back to their spreadsheets and day hustle. Online phantoms. We became lovers of the word. We became men and women of letters.

So did I know I would get here? No. Not in my wildest dreams. Because all I wanted to do was write.

You might already have known that we took the Best Creative Writing Blog again this year, fourth year running. (Someone please light a “fatakra”. Haha.) And that we also took home the Best Kenyan Blog 2016, second year running. That the good Lord of Abraham keeps standing over us. And that you guys keep supporting me. And voting. And being good sports here.

What’s going to happen is that I will go to a bar and someone is going to buy me a bottle of whisky as a congratulatory token. And I will drink it. But of course we all know you made this happen, so I will drink to each of your good health until either I keel over into my fish fingers or someone holds me by the elbow and whispers in my ear, “Chocolate Man, I think maybe you should go home.” Then I will sober up, because you don’t want a man whispering anything chocolate-y in your ear.

I’m trying to say thank you, Le gang. I appreciate it.  

Some readers are always asking me why I never comment on comments. I think it would be crazy to comment on every comment, no? Think about it.

But today I will. I will respond to every comment. Ask me a question, any one question, and I will respond. Because we are celebrating. And because here we beat stories, yeah?

Peter Wesh, you wanna go first?

No, Cliff The Tall. Tell us, just how tall are you that you have to call yourself Cliff the Tall?

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    1. She never puts her purse down, cuddles it in her lap like an ill pet.
      Well done Biko. I love your work. I love that it has heart and soul and is still funny too.
      Live long Sir!

  1. I have no question just here to thank you for making my days bright with your “wicked” sense of humor and amazing story telling skills. Cheers to many more…..

    1
      1. @astrah He tends to get over himself and entirely loose the plot this guy.

        @ Biko Good on you mate. So .. What did it come with this time… A trophy and some flowers only..???

        Mater heart run is a challenge btw.

  2. I love love your posts.At least they make my days joyous enough and keep me in check whenever my boss decides to ruin it.On Saturday I so looked forward to see the face behind this funny posts
    Funny because I always find one thing to make me laugh.
    So Niko when do I get to meet you and I’m serious.I even offer to buy that whiskey bearing in mind that I don’t drink.

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  3. I am of the silent ghosts that comes and crawls back into my vegetable patch. I look forward to all your articles and the old ones too. Balm to the soul.

    1
  4. Your blog makes me happy. You and Wanja Kavengi share the blessing of a big forehead, Maybe one day you can have her pen something?

    1. No shade, but i think thats all that wanja and Biko have in common.I have tried many a times to read her rants and tire shortly after. I

  5. How did you begin your journey to writing? What inspired you to do so? Was there any fear of the unknown? Fear of failing? What was (and maybe still is) your biggest motivation?

    1. I lost my job and started a blog. Fear? Fear still lives up to this day. Motivation? To touch someone. Not in that way, Peter!

      2
  6. Hey Chocolate Man, Congratulations . What is that that one one book you desperately want the missus to read ?

  7. Why don’t you show up for BAKE AWARDS chocolate man? I personally want to see which shade of chocolate you are.

      1. @clara he never will come… He thinks annonymity is cool, unfortunately he got too old to Have an animated persona like the gorrilaz… There’s an idea.. Maybe the guys at the office aren’t even real…

      2. you should have been there!! twas grand…CONGRATULATIONS and oh, one of le gang could have picked it for you 🙂

  8. You have a way of making online phantoms visible. Always waiting for the Tuesday Notification. Thank you Biko.

  9. Cingratulations Biko … And by extension the gang!!! this win is ours!!! ((And the Nairobi Grammar too 😉 ) I cant believe I have been doing this for six years!!! How time flies!!! 😀 Back then I was a phantom but now I’m a person who comments!!! Cheers to building greater memories with this family. Glad to be part of the gang. God bless you Biko…. Keep writing, and we will keep reading and also voting!!

  10. biko will you lend or rather bless me with two of the books tgat give u a hangover every time you think of them.

  11. Well done….i am one of the those will will read and get back to my spreadsheet and hustle. You’re gifted in this..Keep it up…
    .

    1. Of course. I do. The other options is fishing. So yes, this is better. Not that fishing is bad. I like fish, fish is good, but it’s just that…OK, you know what I mean.

      1
    1. @Iradukunda to digress a little, would you be kind enough to tell the me what Kidum sings about, in his song Ubuhamya. I’d highly appreciate that.
      Link–>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqj5XntyyGc
      Thank you.

  12. Every Tuesday I cannot hide behind my spreadsheet before reading the blog. Thank you Biko its a privilege to read your works. I tried blogging when I was still wearing overalls in River Road but since I started using spread sheet my mojo disappeared. How can i get it back Chocolate Man? Damn I need a cool nickname like yours.

    1. First, stop using the word mojo. 🙂 No, but you will get this “mojo” if you start again. The hardest part is starting. Good luck.

          1. Thank you BZ, when I finally write it I will post it here in the comments section, hope you will still be reading comments.

            @Mufasa hehehe Mufasa is no cool name

        1. Mufasa is that Lion King’s brother,Donge? the bad lion that killed the brother the king so he could be the king.

  13. Your way with words make my Tuesday(blog) and Saturday(paper). Thank you. Has your marriage,your wife, been a strong pillar of your writing?

  14. im in the category that reads and goes back to their hussle but with a smile….thank you for making our Tuesdays chocolate man and congratulations on the win

    1. Yeah Ann, reading and going back to hustle with a smile. Others find it very hard to do. They read, stay on reading and replying to every comment…..haha

  15. Congratulations Biko
    I am one of those phantom readers who whizz by…and please comment on this comment…I need the screenshot to show off

  16. Awww. To the gallant women and men of letter, may you always find the words to tell grateful next stories and may we, the readers, always find piecemeal solace in the few minutes that we take to be regaled by your words. Barikiwa sana

  17. That newspaper part they said you said it was a dream come true, I knew they lied because we were with you all the while the event was going on and I didn’t hear or see you talk or look like you had just said that to a reporter. And then again I figured out a fourth straight win cannot be a drram come true unless you want to be a Ronaldo or Messi.

  18. So I have always wanted to drop you an email but I think I will just ask you right here.Do you think you were as good as you are now when you started? How do you maintain the discpline of posting every Tuesday? What drives you? OK those are many questions :)…..

    1. I don’t know if I’m as good as I am. That’s a big debate. But of course when I started I was more unhinged because fewer people read. Now there are more things to consider, growth comes with some responsibility.
      Discipline? Rent is the best discipline. 🙂

      1
  19. Your way with words make my Tuesday (blog) and Saturday (paper). Thank you. Has your marriage, your wife, been a strong pillar in your writing career?

  20. The problem with having standard names, no mentions…anyone feel me? no?
    Congratulations Chocolate man and a toast to the gang

    1
    1. Hi Emmah Njoroge, I feel you. What year is it?

      Bikozulu telling ‘stories we could tell with our eyes closed’ and making them count. I still visit that article called ‘Black tie.’ because a part of me still mourns, I kind of yearn for a continuation or just a few more paragraphs that explains what happened after, but then again I bet the ending was supposed to elicit such feelings.

      You rock Chocolate man, I was a fan (or still am) of book reviews, can we get more of those?

  21. Congrats Mr B:) even before I logged on to vote for you,I knew you’d win…but then again do you even have compe???Thank you for always putting a smile on my face:)

  22. Congrats yet again Chocolate man. I wrote you an email yesterday – I hope you got it 🙂 Keep up the good work.PS. I’d love to read the final article from Ruguru about you…

  23. The girl with round-toed shoes, yes, that one from USIU that munched on the donut. Did you get her number? Did she write her story? But why am I kidding? A toast your highness, keep writing!

  24. so Q and A day it is. chocolate man, So why didn’t you show up at the BAKE Awards. Some of us wanted to see a forehead so much talked about.

  25. Wow so today am here top 10!lol…Congratulations Biko.I would love to see that pair of snub-nosed shoes.Your blog has not only being educative but inspirational too.Keep doing what we you doing man.We will be following behind the scenes.For all the lives you have transformed be blessed chocolate man.The forehead may become smaller.lol..

  26. Hi Jackson,
    I’m one of the readers who come in quietly, read the current post and go back to my spreadsheets.
    I started off by reading your columns on the daily nation after Oyunga Pala took a hiatus (my mum detests the poor bloke – university mates) and I must say I was enthralled by your diction and I decided to give your blog a go when you started writing it.
    I have two questions – can you give me an assurance that you shall keep writing for the foreseeable future and keep aside some tales to regale us with in case, God forbid, you swing over to the other side?
    Cheers.
    PS: No ill will meant

  27. i loved writing back in the days(read:high school) but never had the guts to let anybody read my day to day life as seen through my eyes.Reading your blogs always transforms me to a place i only wished i worked hard to be.Perhaps,maybe just that one day..this person in me will ‘come out’.Thanks for being you.

  28. Congrats Biko! Your stories make me move my weight from leg to leg to hold the urine back!! I must complete the read first;other things can follow, like a call of nature….haha

  29. I just love your writing, the plan was to read 2 lines then come back and read the rest(because have a deadline)…I have finished reading it(will tell the boss deadline was not met and its Biko Zulu’s fault!) I have one Q – what kept you going at year 1,2,3,4 when you wrote and wrote but no one really knew about you?

  30. Hahahaha. Biko lol. Boss i am very tall. I am 6’5. If that is not tall enough then i do not know what that is hehe. Short people avoid me like plague because i ’embarrass’ them with my height . Congratulation for winning that Bake ‘Okombe’ hehe. Long live Le gang.

  31. “Because all I wanted to do was write”. I like this statement Biko. Because it makes me believe that you would still be writing even if no one gave a shit about your blog or what you write. Like if we all never existed. Right? Well good for you – that’s what we call passion Gang – and you little Tamms and Missus. And congratulations too! 2nd year in a row! I bet you rubbed your ka-forehead kidogo at the news, did a ‘twisty’ dance (are you that old?) and even felt important and all! Even made a dirary entry ‘Mama I made It’ haha. Did you get nervous when they called your name? Sweaty palms? Too many questions I guess. But I am sure you had a witty speech hidden somewhere in your pockets. Now that I am a lover of the word, I’ll simply say cheers to many more amazing stories!

    1. Passion is what drives writers, good one. but Biko’s forehead is not a ka-forehead, its is a ki-forehead…haha

      1. Wesh, I sneaked through your blog and sure you are such a great writer too!You will be my new Junior Biko!I am struggling though to subscribe, please welcome your newest fan!

        1. @Wairimu wa Chege Oh great! Thank you for dropping by and I am honoured to have you on board!

  32. Congratulations Biko. Le Gang is proud of you.
    Can I offer to be editing your pieces before you publish them? ☺☺So that am among the first to read, too. It is a free service.

  33. Long live Biko, thank you for making my Tuesday’s awesome. Congratulations for the win!
    `certified ghost reader

  34. “someone light a Fatakra”…..I fell off my couch LMAO (didn’t expect you to know what a Fatakra is to be honest!)…… you are as good as ever Biko. Keep it up!

  35. Gang power!! We are proud of you chocolate man. For some of us who don’t get pizza every Tuesday, we come here to plant our literary teeth in the musings here. Plus I was mentioned…sign that my forefathers still want me to meet you to ask whether you changed your password from ginene1. So when can I meet you? I promise I bring you a donut if it will please your forehead…

  36. Well I’m not a ghost reader anymore Biko ,and I voted for you 🙂 I’m glad you won….so Biko..would you hold a party for your gang? I’d love to meet you 🙂

  37. If this doesn’t get me out of the closet; probably nothing ever will.I love your way with words. You are all kinds of amazing. Congratulations on your well deserved win and please continue wowing me.

  38. Hi Biko my auto correct insists you should be Niko. Do you believe in the God of Abraham like you stated? Then do take Him a token of appreciation on behalf of le gang “phantoms” chapter. That would make many of us truly happy and continue praying and thanking God for us. Will you do that? You can even go to Kongoro’s or Gabantu’s church in case you have non of your own that you are loyal to and they keep you on the straight and Narrow. We pray for you.

  39. Your stories make our day in the office. You should see us in the office and we are government officers. The minute your story checks in and one person notices, everything is put down and a mail is sent through lotus to check out your blog. And within minutes you start hearing chuckles and laughs from every cubicle. Thank you Biko for making our day from the government office. And for the taxpayers that come on Tuesdays to be served at around 11- 12 and we have left you waiting we are sorry but we will continue keep you waiting as we read Bikozulu first.

  40. Being one among the thousands of ghost readers who come in quietly, read and go back to their spreadsheets and day hustle, I have to stand up tall and say “Biko you are amazing”. Thumbs up Biko…

  41. I was almost disqualified for a communications internship position sometimes in 2014 for not knowing you.The comms’ manager for that organization could not understand how a communication student fails to Know Jackson Biko’s and his blog. My first assignment was to know you and read “Visa Denied”.Since then I have never turned back.How long does it take you to write an article?

        1. Nobody knows everything but everybody knows Biko.Not knowing Biko is actually a crime in Kenya,look it up!

          1. Please tell her… 😀

            Now y’all are turning this into some kind of a cheer leading thing but its okay. hahahahah

          2. surprisingly,we were 4 interns and only one had an idea,infact she had just heard about him and knew nothing about his blog.so please do’t be soo hard on me Ivy

          3. On a light note Mugure…we don’t always have to know people(well unless it’s Biko of course:)))

      1. she glorified this man and his blog,i couldn’t wait for him to step out so that i could google the man.

  42. My best ever of your work was where you tore into the Brits for their arrogance and denying you the chance to see the [mighty] Thames. I still re-read it over. Did you ever go?

    1. Hahaha…I kinda remember that one…does Biko almost get arrested by a lady cop due to something drink related?

      1. No, no. His visa was flat out denied. It pissed him off in a major way to see the word “onus” in the letter. See right here:
        http://199.192.19.46/~bikozulu/visa-denied/

  43. Wow!Congratulations Biko (and the Gang). You write wonderfully well,therapeutic reads (from the laugh). What has happened to Joy Ruguru’s Interview now?

  44. hooo… did you have to mention the spreadsheets…. i am a spreadsheet lady and my father once told me to go to school to be able to understand shit like CAPITALISATION n now i do… congrats Biko.

      1. Actually both spellings are fine. Capitalisation is British, which is what our Kenyan School systems teach, while the Capitalization is US.

  45. I’d love to try my take, and maybe guest blog on the best Kenyan blog? Should i just drop you an email? Speaking of which what is your email? Of course assuming you answered the first question in the affirmative? Then maybe i can take over from where Joy from USIU left off?

  46. I did not watch the awards but I followed online and know “we won” so here is my question: Did you pick up the award in person?

    The answer to this will determine if I go photo hunting just to see your forehead.

  47. Congrats Biko. We’ll keep reading as long as you keep writing. I’ve always wondered, what does a guy like you read when you want to get out of your head for a bit? Not that anyone would want to get a break from that, your mind is probably a very interesting place to be…

  48. Thank you, especially on those tough days when you just need a laugh. You always come through. You deserve the awards.

  49. The other day, my dad asked me who stand’s out for me as a father? I said Biko…Zulu. Isn’t that guy dead already, he asked. Dad, I am not talking about Steve Biko from South Africa. I am talking about Tamm’s Dad. Who is Tamm’s? Some girl from Nairobi, and No his dad is not my sponsor. He is a writer and I read about him every Tuesday. What has he given you so far? He’s freed me to be vulnerable in my writing. Which newspaper does he write in? he asked. I read his blog mainly not his articles in the newspaper. What is a blog? Dad I am sorry , I need to run. Wait isn’t today tuesday? Tell me what he writes… Biko, your writing has an after taste that makes me coming back for more.

    1. I stand out as a father? Goodness. I struggle with it. Some days I suck so much I think, these kids are screwed! But thanks! And thanks for the vote of confidence and for reading. Say hallo to your old man.

  50. “Traditionally this is called breaking bread but today it’s called breaking ice.”

    And then they continued breaking the ice with the donuts… 😀 😀

  51. I look forward to Tuesday! Thanks for making me laugh so hard! Also your I made a new friend because of you… one time my neighbor knocked on my door to see why I was so cracked up… I sent her a link to your blog..now we sip tea on Tuesdays and talk about you. Congrats on the win

  52. Biko,

    Mine is to say thank you for making Tuesday’s count! I mean, all other something going for them..MCM, WCW, TBT and the other one for Fridays. I am sure Tuesday looks at you with a lot of affection for making him count 🙂

  53. First, congratulations chocolate man. You mesmerize us with your words and the least we can do is vote for you;aside from praying for your zeal to continue. When are you writing a book for the gang to buy?

  54. Great job Biko. Question? Do you ever fear that maybe you reveal too much of yourself when you write coz there are posts you get figuratively naked before the gang. Does that ever scare you and feel like aiii, this is too much?? Or your camera avoiding ways affords you the anonimity to get persona?

  55. But does it maybe mean there are no better writers? Or Le gang is just too loyal to let another win? 4 years running without a running mate? Hehe
    I’ll still religiously walk in here like a ghost with every post anyway.

  56. Congratulations Biko….when going through some of the pictures taken during the award, I was also trying to find you! Unfortunately never saw any conspicuous forehead! Were you there?

  57. Congratulations. I started reading when my sister did a fatherhood story sometime back and Ive not stopped since then. Keep up the good work and the good reads that keep the laughs and tears coming.Do you think your kids will write in future? Do Tamm’s compositions look like she has the gift?

  58. You are welcome, Biko. I am in the category that hardly comments due to annoying spreadsheets. Congratulations to you for the win and for being a good sport by giving me my weekly dose of sanity. Keep up the good work!

  59. Biko, I’m one of the ghost readers who comes quietly, read and go back! Smiling and sometimes laughing out loud without telling my colleagues what’s funny (personally I hate it when someone laughs alone). Recently I read somewhere that it’s bad manners to laugh alone and not let people in on your secret. Now I do tell them about this blogger from home… and they love your blog too. It’s my prayer our good Lord keeps you motivated as I would wish to let in my children on this blog that keeps me laughing alone in the car on my way home. Merci…

  60. Congratulations Biko, you blog bring so much sunshine into my life. Wish I could read a piece of yours everyday. Question, is your life as perfect as it is portrayed?

  61. congratulations Mr. Big Forehead. I really hope this year someone upgraded the gifts …or maybe you still got another lanyard? no??

  62. Congratulations Biko!!!

    Have you ever deleted any of your blog posts? Can I manage to re-read all your posts since you started the blog without missing anything? You know like an old book?Six great years, I have been here all through, never commented.

  63. Your pieces are always entertaining. Question, what was she writing for because I would like to read someone else’s thoughts on you. Is there a link or something?

  64. Congrats are in order, may you continue to be healthy, loved and inspired enough to keep entertaining us with your well crafted words

  65. Well, no questions here but a big thank you for making Tuesdays worth it. Today I raise a toast to THE Chocolate Man. Here’s to BAKE 2017 and many, many more!

  66. it’s hard to believe that all this talent would have gone to waste you know, analysing waste. considering what you schooled for?
    Wish everybody could just do what they are passionate about, including myself. The world would be one happy place.

    1. We should be grateful to the guy who was courageous enough to fire him or run the company he was working for down!

  67. Congratulations on the win. I am one of those phantoms but today I
    decided to comment.
    I love this blog.

  68. Congratulations Biko. Am one of those phantom reader. We wish you many more to come and every year we hope to raise a glass to creativity that makes productivity possible. Cheers

  69. Hey…Congratulations for you and your gang for your..Question…Did your loud friend from Seme ever respond to your “Onge pielo oko e pap e gwengni” whatsapp message that you sent him? I have always wondered what his response was!

  70. biko i have always had so many questions for you but today i am blank! let me get breakfast then maybe return with one at the very least. Otherwise, shukran sana kwa kutufurahisha kila juma.Maulana akustiri.

  71. congrats biko zulu.
    Great achievement.Your blog always makes me look forward to Tuesday mornings.keep it up

  72. Hi Biko. First, congratulations! Question.Do you feel constrained when writing for a magazine? You always sound reserved on DN. Next, are we (we are family remember) past the oyunga’s shadow? Final.Do you mentor someone who will take over the blog or forsee anyone who will command such a cult following on creative writing? You were once touted as “the guy who replaced oyunga” ( we are past this I presume),won’t you be kinder to the next guy through mentorship?

  73. Hi Biko. I feel like a child on Christmas day or my birthday when i get the bike I have being begging for by washing utensils and working my ass off in school. I have too many questions and I am too excited to actually settle them into actual words. Therefore all I will say is that your writing has inspired me. It has challenged me. It has moved me with emotions I never thought I had. The way you take the reader through the story is almost magical. Anyway, thank you Biko. Congratulations on the awards. One thing I would like to ask is whether you will have a book compilation of your blog posts or is there a book already?(I could be ignorant…hehehe)I didn’t start with you six years ago but what I know is that your stories as entertaining as they are also take as through time and events as you described in your article. ( Nerea’s boyfriend…really lol) I would wish to tell my grandchildren of mohawk the lion or of the times when jogging in karura forest was the in thing. (Hopefully it will still be there). So Biko…a book?

  74. Hi Biko. Thanks for making Tuesdays better than Mondays. Are we going to know how the rest of the interview went or this was it from the brown, fragile looking girl?

    1. Arrrh, don’t get me going on Kabalagala and Ggaba Road. Don’t even get me started. Nostalgia, Jacquei. Mad.

  75. You are an inspiration to me. You have inspired my infant blog,nancynjokablog.WordPress.com in ways you cannot understand. In case you find time in your busy schedule you can check it out. Thank you for helping me step out of my comfort zone and do what I love.

  76. Very well done Chocolate Man. My Tuesday commute on the underground train is more bearable because of you. Keep them coming….

  77. Congratulations, as always its a pleasure to get your notification, minimized the spreadsheet immediately.

  78. I always wait for the Tuesday email notification and the one day I was so sure I would be first to comment, my phone was stolen. Congratulations Biko, it was well deserved (Refers to Outliers). See you one day at master class.

  79. “And then the thousands of ghost readers who came in quietly, read and went back to their spreadsheets and day hustle”-that’s me,congrats !

  80. intimidating questions that she plans to pelt me with is that what you give your guests?intimidating

  81. I am one of those thousands of ghost readers who come in quietly, read and go away. I enjoy reading you!!Thank you

  82. you got talent man. It took me so long to get to know this blog, but i am here now a life member of the so called gang. Thanks to one Charles Mureithi for leading me here, it feels like home, maybe it is.

    1. It is, Nico. This is home. Karibu. Take a seat. How many sugars will you have with that tea? Screw tea. Whiskey?

  83. Mmmmh, what do i say? Congrats is not enough………thanks for bringing the real emotions out of me, especially when you write about death. My dream was to write but ended up in Finance and Investments, but i like reading what you write because that is how i would want someone to communicate to an audience like me.

  84. Yangu tu ni kusema wazi mzito. Keep going. I’ll keep reading and please tell Nation wawache jokes. It is so hard to find your Sato and Business daily articles online sometimes.

  85. Congratulations Biko, it’s a pleasure to have read your work for the past six years. We are proud of you.
    When will you write about the Misuss? We are familiar with Tamms & Kim.

  86. The thing about a gift is that its always a commodity…a best seller actually. Message from Phantoms United.

  87. Sometime back you told us theres a woman who said she was sent to you by God. Now do you see why even God is thanking you? You make people happy. You are the only good thing to come out of social and print media in Kenya. Everything else is political horrors. Thank you.

  88. Hey biko. True, it would be so crazy to reply to every comment but today we are celebrating so i hope you reply this. Did you get a fake tooth (or you ain’t modelling any time soon) and finally did you succumb to temptation and read Tamm’s diary?

  89. Congratulations Biko.you deserve nothing but the best. Thank you for always being an inspiration and recommending goodreads for me once in awhile. That brings me to the question; what is your current read?

  90. I’m one of those who wait for this every Tuesday, read and disappear without a word…it’s mean but we appreciate your work. Congrats Biko.

  91. Thank you for always making my Tuesday( Blog) Biko atleast i get time to have a laugh with my colleagues. I introduced them to your blog and that automatically made me the coolest kid in the block…so yeah thanks a lot and keep up the good job…

    1. How big is that block, Chechi. It doesn’t matter anyway if you are still cool. Thanks for reading and sharing.

  92. “Ask me a question, any one question, and I will respond.” Biko it is inadvisable to have such a blanket provision. When a girl says i can do anything it normally leads to a happy ending. Lets hope this loophole is not exercised

  93. Your writing inspires me Bicko. I’m a trained journalist fresh from college and is currently at JKUAT, running the University official blog.First time I discovered your blog I spent the whole day reading, and reading, and getting challenged.It was great, thrilling and refreshingly good. Almost better than winning a Sportpesa jackpot. Almost. Hope to meet you one day and have a chat over coffee (that I hereby offer to pay for). Anyway just know that beyond the writing and entertainment, your writing is making massive impact in the society. It’s touching lives, and isn’t that a writer’s biggest goal and motivation? Cheers Wuodmin! This is to long life and greater things to come.

  94. Congratulations Biko,
    Just how big is your forehead anyway?
    Your writing reminds me of the literature lessons, my all time favorite!!
    Can I subscribe to getting the books you want to dispose?

  95. I looooove you blog 🙂 Always something awesome to look forward to. You deserved that award. Great job Biko

  96. I have been a faithful reader and stalker of your articles , It’s only your work on Msafiri that I don’t read…. Because I don’t do KQ. Biko you have influence with your pen, I visited Pinklake man because of a review you did on this blog, remember? And that Facebook chat we had on my experience on the visit has never been deleted. I still insist, you need to write a book…… Any hopes on that?

  97. Your writing inspires me Bicko. I’m a trained journalist fresh from college and is currently working at JKUAT, running the University official blog.First time I discovered your blog I spent the whole day reading, and reading, and getting challenged.It was great, thrilling and refreshingly good. Almost better than winning a Sportpesa jackpot. Almost. Hope to meet you one day and have a chat over coffee (that I hereby offer to pay for). Anyway just know that beyond the writing and entertainment, your writing is making massive impact in the society. It’s touching lives, and isn’t that a writer’s biggest goal and motivation? Cheers Wuodmin! This is to long life and greater things to come.

  98. One of the phantom yet ardent readers, commenting here for the second time. Thank you, Biko, for making my days brighter with your humour and your wit. Congratulations on your win!

  99. No question just a congrats and keep the humor in the stories. “…Maseno was so egotistical that they refused to acknowledge the high in high school” will never forget the one.

  100. ahem chocolate man, are you a friend of Nyakundi? he direly needs lessons on real humour and decent blogging without insults. You have no idea how many times I have had to take my tea cold every time a new post comes up. And congratulations by the way. It was well deserved biko

  101. well done Biko! I knew I am an addict while on bedrest on a Tuesday a few weeks ago and I still struggled to ensure I read my Biko’s email. I look forward to Tuesday. Oh and my friend Judy from Sweden was so excited that you could meet her in January.

  102. All I want to say is, well in. N thank you for writing. You literally cannot fathom what is does to us. Been with you since “High School” n hope to be with you, for much longer. Enjoy the Single Malt, it’s well deserved.

  103. some men bet, some watch football, some drink a lot, some love music, but, I, being among the chosen few, love a good read.
    Ehe. people do their stuff I’ve the weekends, I usually eagerly wait for my dose eery Tuesday.

    kudos man! Bikozulu blog all the time. I usually read articles fr as back as 5 or six years ago.

    regards,

    @shujaamrefu Black_Outlaw

    1. Some men bet, some watch football, some drink a lot, some love music, but, I, being among the chosen few, love a good read. Make that 2 of the chosen few!!!

  104. Congrats Biko,i really love your writing.Today i had to comment because you will reply.i like attention that much

        1. Carol, i’m trying! I will. Doing this from my phone between running errands. I will get to yours. Sawa?

  105. In previous articles, you’ve written how you like to ask people if they are happy. Are you happy Biko?

  106. Biko!!Congratulations are in order sir. But you have bitten off more than you can chew I’m afraid!The love and appreciation for you is immense, you’ll be stuck replying all day. But thank you for making our Tuesdays better. We laugh with you, we tear up with you, we are Le gang.
    But since you so graciously offered; has anyone ever gotten cross after you wrote about them?

    1. Zuku is down in our office. So I’m doing this from the phone. Pain in the ass, I tell you. Cross? A few times. Occupational hazard. Thanks baba

  107. Thanks for making our Tuesday Ja Kendu Bay. Do you know whenever I go shags for a burial and all the yelling and rolling on the ground go on I take my phone or whatever gadget I got and read “How to Bury a Luo’ and sit far away from the crowd to read and laugh? Takes away the pain and yes, maybe one of these days I will get myself lynched for ‘bewitching’ the deceased. I mean who laughs by himself away from the other mourners? Even to the extent of skipping the serious business of feeding at the funeral? Good day big baas!

  108. Congrats Biko!!!! Strength in numbers ….let gang is super proud. Cheers to more posts and Awards ☕️

  109. When my writing grow up, I want to be juts like yours. Can you check out my blog, kambura.wordpress.com and give some writing tips. I just love writing. Someday it might even pay rent!

    1. When my writing grows up, I want it to be just like yours. (Guess I need a dough nut, one chocolate man said it calms nervousness?

  110. I made my way to Yaya that time you were giving away
    books at Chivas Lounge but you didn’t make it *boohoo
    so I went online and googled you to master your face so that
    next time I’m on the road about
    to join an acceleration lane and you’re behind me I stall intentionally just to
    get to you hehe

    Congratulations all the same for the wins…*sips coffee and opens a new spreadsheet

  111. Do you regret your decision to reply to every comment?
    Congratulations for another deserved win, I stand with those in the gang who hope you write a book some day.
    -Biggest Tanzanian fan.

      1. Dar, can’t blame you for not making her your first choice. I just hope your travels bring you here so you end up writing about the ordeal.

  112. Congratulations!I am not much of a reader i will admit but I find myself here thank you for showing us beauty and creativity in your writing

  113. You know how people say if they ever met Brandon from HONY they wouldn’t know what to say to him? This feels like one of those moments. Then the perfect question will surface a week from now. 😀
    For now, I have nothing to ask.
    Okay, maybe one random question. According to you, what is the perfect number of days to go on holiday? I’m looking for the perfect number, somewhere between “Oh crap, I haven’t done anything here! That wasn’t enough!” and “I really need to get back to work. This is too much.” What’s your magic number?

  114. Kudos for your beautiful work and for taking time on this particular occasion to treat each post as a standalone object – more like a relevant call to action on almost all posts. With that said, I have four questions:

    What’s the biggest mistake that you’ve made blogging that you’re comfortable disclosing and what advice would you give to other bloggers so that they could avoid it?

    In your opinion, is it better to blog about something that you know personally that has low search volume or blog about a topic that you would have to research that has high search volume?

    One thing about blogging is having the ability to find your voice since there are millions of other blogs out there to compete with. How did you find “your voice” or your style of blogging for your blog?
    How would you rate your own blog on a scale of 1 to 10 and why would you rate it that way?

    1. Napster yaye, en ango’? Eish. OK, let;s go.

      1. Mistake. Hmm.. apart from numerous typos that I commit on IG? Mistake I guess would be not knowing what to charge clients, and ending up charging so low. Then there are some jobs I have taken which I didn’t like or feel because the money was good. It showed when I wrote them. Now I’m only taking on jobs that I love. I’m rebooting to factory settings and doing shit that I enjoy. Do you get?

      2. What is search volume, boss? I’m just a writer here. But the rule is blog about what you LOVE. Things that excite you. Things that you experience.

      3. You don’t realise that you have found your voice. It just happens. My voice is an influence of Yunot Diaz, Jd Salinger, Tom Junod, Aa Gill. Devin Friedman. It’s like a cocktail of sorts.

      4. Some days it’s a 8. That’s when I write a story I was really invested in. Some days it’s a 4, when I write for the money. The balance is hairpin.

      1. True, I believe doing what one loves in any aspect of life is the ultimate satisfaction. Junot Díaz, the Pulitzer was created for such!

        1. Los and charging low. I used to borrow this beat up Beetle that used to break anyhow, take it to Burundi and there was this Luo guy, he could fix anything in a Voki. After a day of fixing and asking for damage he would be so guilty explaining how much work it was. Then charge me 200. When I had more I gave him more

  115. I always appreciate that you callon us to read more. Which books by female African writers would you recommend? Any favourites?

  116. My boss must be wondering what is put in our tea on Tuesdays because of the number of times he has walked in on my colleague Susan and I balancing tears because of trying so hard not to burst out laughing. It’s our ka ritual that we always look forward to.

  117. I am one of those phantom readers, but today is just to celebrate with you for this achievement. Congrats

  118. I most enjoy the dialogues in your stories. And I know your stand on writing a book but will you please consider writing a script?.

  119. Hi biko mine is just to congratulate you for the win and to thank you profusely for entertaining me throughout the years.I comment once at the end of the year to wish you happy holidays which you promptly reply .Otherwise I am an ardent reader,I don’t need to compete to be number one to comment.Well done,keep it up.

    1. So your next comment is next year? Come on, Baba Alvin. How is Alvin anyway? How old now? Thanks for reading baba.

  120. you should see how excited i get wheni see the notification for a new post….. you are a great writer and i would like you to mentor me… active mentoring… as always awesome read

  121. Congratulations Biko. I’m a proud member of the gang. I discovered your blog in 2012 and binge read all your articles to catch up. I have never missed a post since then. I especially love your tributes to your Mom.

  122. It’s been 6 years already? Oh Lord! We are old! ave literally gotten my babies
    the duration of this blog. Hongera ndugu Biko.Keep winning.

    1. I remember you TechMan! From high school. Good to hear from you and that you got tois. Having fun with fatherhood? Thanks and keep reading.

  123. Hongera Sana Biko, it’s ours! The win, I mean. How do you deal with negative people, who want to steal your shine? Bless

    1. Those will be there. One day they will hear a knock on their door and when they open in their lousy sleeping shorts….

  124. Congratulations Mr.Biko (dn referred to you that way).
    I read your articles first in all the publications you contribute- True Love, Msafiri, BD Life, Sat mag and the blog of course.

  125. we met on twitter since then its been always a good read,keeps me hooked waiting for the next one.do you have books you have written i could access?

    1. Imagine, no! (Nairobi speak). But what to do, replying comments never killed anyone. From here, straight to have a stiff one.

  126. you should see how excited i get when i see the notification for a new post….. you are a great writer and i would like you to mentor me… active mentoring… as always awesome read

    1. Phanice, thanks. Are you below 28? If yes, that age group don’t need mentoring. They want it today. On a silver platter. Nobody wants to go to the trenches anymore and get dirty. Do you want to get dirty? Don’t answer it today. Let it soak.

  127. I read all your works. You are a breath of fresh air. If only the gang knew how real you get on Instagram! Sad we had to wait for blogs to discover you…Keep doing what you do. Well done on the win.

  128. As an online phantom this is that one time we say something!!! CONGRATULATIONS!
    reading your stories form part of my workday morning rituals at the office.
    You bring sunshine.Keep up the good work.

  129. Congratulation Biko, Tuesdays are my favorites because you make them, One day my boss walked on me laughing and he was really interested in knowing what was so funny, so I introduced him to your blog (I am very sure he now reads even your newspaper articles. Biko, I know you won 2phones on Saturday, can I please borrow one for my sister?

  130. Can I buy you a drink,27th September,2017? I know it is over one year away but it will be my birthday; a drink with you is on my bucketlist and I plan to be back in Kenya by then. Deal?

    1. Been wondering the same. Even if it’s a compilation of all past articles. Mr Forehead,when that happens please let me know. The proceeds from the book sales could also ensure you don’t dig too deep in your pockets when you get that philanthropic itch.

  131. Congratulations to you…what was the 2nd question and did it come with another doughnut or a cup of coffee???

  132. A long post …that post has stayed with me and the posts that followed. It touched a nerve. You make my Tuesdays and any instagram post. congratulations chocolate man!

  133. Congratulations on the award Biko. You deserve it. Did you ever start jogging at Karura forest on Saturdays? Or was that one of the many fad new year’s resolutions?

  134. I only discovered you after Jadudi happened. Then I am one of those who read and go back to my hustle. Guess what? I have set notifications of your instagram, twitter and this blog. So you can imagine how proud I was when you kept retweeting about the award last week. Keep the good work sir.

  135. Just a congratulatory message for the BAKE award Biko. Surely your forehead has a bright future for you, wish I had one.

    1. Joe once wrote to me and said that he was suffering a writer’s block. Then went under. Joe, say something.

  136. I’m definitely one of the phantoms that stops by in between spreadsheets and powerpoint slides but today I want to congratulate you and thank you for my Tuesday Treat…that’s what this blog is to me! What’s your favourite chocolate?

  137. Someone should stealthily take Biko’s photo, print it on a placard, hold it up and take a photo with it. It should have the big words, I am Biko and that member of the gang shall be a héro.

      1. Hahaha Biko, sooner the gang will realize how brilliant my idea is and they will sing along and before you know it, it shall be a song, and then a movement, we shall even put a price on your face. What does Nyach mean in Dholuo?

  138. Well done chocolate man, we’ll keep coming back for more. I remember refreshing your page every Monday when I was in campus(in class), still doing the same every Tuesday in the office. Love your writing.

  139. This is my first year here Biko and I thank you and your gang for every thing I read. I am not a reading person but taking the time to read your stories has changed my perspective on reading things….yaani hata gazeti siwezi soma…
    Keep it up man.
    www.ogetoevans.com

  140. Biko will you really manage to respond to all?lol. Congratulations for winning again. You deserve it and much more. Keep the posts and the articles coming.:-)

  141. It’s been a while since I read the comments section… And truly truly… The gang… Though of many new names and faces deserves an award for the fire they have always lit here… You spark it up and they burn it down with so much life in the comments. Well done to you and your community… Those who read, comment, share, quote and plagarise alike !!!

    Ps. I’m done commenting… It could take my entire work day

  142. Biko and the gang, kindly give a round of applause to one of the ghost readers!!!
    Biko, I’m always moved by your creativity bro. Keep it up

  143. Good piece as usual, never disappoints. We await the full interview from your interviewer whom you’ve described in detail. Congratulations on your award. ….So how does it feel to win the award back to back? (I bet you had to answer that from an interviewer/journalist).

  144. Your writing talks to many people and you have changed lives with what you do best! Congratulations on your win and keep them coming (wink)

  145. Congratulations r in order! I am an ardent fan n will keep making referals. I have recruited so many friends n i am glad u never disappointed. keep up the good work Chocolate man.

  146. It’s always a good read…i keep refreshing this tab hoping the good lord touched you and you posted something on an odd day. I hope one day i will refresh and find a new post and it will not not be a Tuesday *smiles*
    That’s just how much i want to read even more.

  147. Congratulations Biko. Just curious… when you look at your google analytics or whatever you use, what percentage of your readers are out of the country? How many of us are reading from Charlotte NC? Just need to know which ones of my Kenyan neighbors are “progressive” readers. I look forward to your writing every week, thank you!

    1. Rocket Man. I will look at those stats after this. I hardly ever go backend, that’s the job of Fred and his people. Lakini thanks for reading boss. I appreciate it.

  148. Heko Biko kwa hilo ‘shindo’ lako. Thank you for putting a smile on my (and many peoples’) face(s). I would love to know how other writers relate to you now that you are evidently very gifted in writing. Do you feel spited by some? (no specifics though).

  149. We’ve been mentioned those of us who come in quietly, enjoy every post and leave quietly. Congratulations Biko!

  150. Tuesday’s mornings are different, am those who do read, never comment, but have a good laugh,
    Keep doing what you do, congrats on your win.

  151. Congratulations Chocolate Man. You never disappoint and I am addicted. And now to my question….what do you have against weaves? And, because am Kenyan, make it two – What do you have against lawyers?;-)

  152. Hi Biko, First and foremost I want to congratulate you on your win.I came on board late last year when my daughter introduced me to your blog and my tuesdays have never been the same.I am one of the phantom readers so it’s my very first time to comment.

  153. Thanks Biko for keeping us entertained. I look forward to your blog every Tuesday. Accept my gratitude though Iam a silent reader

  154. Mr. Chocolate, would please read my blog? (allanpowerjr.wordpress.com) and tell me what you think maybe…? over at my e-mail? ([email protected]). You don’t have to read everything, at least the latest post. I wouldn’t mind if you read everything though. 🙂

  155. Greetings from the land of a thousand hills…I love your way with words.i always ensure I put everything aside and concentrate,I am a big fan..keep up this awesome work and thank you for always showing us the other worlds that we don’t or know.you chocolate man are gifted!!!! No questions but merci merci beaucoup

  156. I’ve become addicted to this man, used to read OP alot back in the day,this, this is better. Keep on doing this, I’ll keep on coming for more.
    Greetings from the land of Magufuli.

    1. I don’t know why in my head you wrote that with a grin. So I’m replying it with a smirk. Thanks, Rael.

  157. thank you bikozulu,you might not know this but your writing is medicinal to a few of us the gang.thank you for making us laugh,for erasing a little sadness out if our lives.
    PS: we are still waiting for the whiskey and book club in Mombasa

  158. Congratulations from Le gang. You make Tuesday worth looking forward to, it is like am in a relationship with your articles.Good job always. What happened to the writing master classes?

  159. Reading this every Tuesday is cathartic.
    I even volunteered my password to madam so that we can both enjoy. Tragic.
    Keep up son.

    1. Look at you, all open and shit. Sharing passwords with the madam. Thanks for reading boss and salimia bibi.

  160. Congrats Biko. I look forward to Tuesday and it is always worth it. My questions, do you have any insecurities as a writer, do you ever second guess yourself with your articles?

    1. ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. I have this folder called the Ice Box where I have tons of unfinished stories that sucked nuts! Oh insecurities are the hallmark of this art.

  161. today he is answering all the comments…. Well you might wanna know that my friend and i always ask each other… have you read today’s Biko? then we analyse, critique and laugh….. You make our Tuesday. Now Peter Wesh happens to be my work mate and boy, he wont sit down today because the gang is reading his name. He is just famous and he does good articles too, all inspired by Biko. Asante sana and congrats

  162. So I was seated next to my bro and I kept on telling him, “Biko will win. Biko will win.”
    “How do you know?”
    And I was like, “how many times have I told you to read his blog. By the way did you read his mother’s day post?”
    *Silence*
    “Dude hapo ndio siblings hukosana.”
    And while indulging in the cocktail BAKE had prepared for us, I met a few members of the gang – Masterclass – and someone suggested we should have gone and picked the award on your behalf. And the most hyper of the lost would begin the speech like, “I am not Biko but Biko is a winner. Everyone say a winner!”
    And the crowd would chorus “A WINNER!” obviously driven by our fanatical enthusiasm
    And we would not just talk about the how good a writer you are but how you’ve made it your business to inspire writers to write.
    That evening I shared your instagram post with my brother. I am sure he has beaten me to reading this post. And my other brother keeps on asking whether you’ve posted something new. Just sending him a snapshot of the subscribe section 🙂
    Congratulations Biko!

  163. A toast to many more stories, more laughter, more awards! With 2 tots of the ever smooth Chivas, here’s to many more Bikozuku!

  164. I think am among those who read every article and not comment because the art has dug so deep into my soul and felt overwhelmed. Congrats Biko. Question, why do you hunt alone? Like a leopard?

      1. You are not into all these fancy recognition, you do not love publicity, you were not at bakeawards to make headlines, you hate photos… I said hi

  165. I’m one of those writers who get bored reading posts that are too lengthy. But yours sir, I’d gladly waste my precious lunch hour reading every single letter. I voted for you by the way and I’m glad it paid off.
    Also I’d love details on when and where the next writer’s masterclass is, one of my goals this year is to show my face at one 🙂

    1. 8th June. Send an email to fcbett@gmail and snap a slot. Thanks for reading, Meggie. (Is that a twang for Maggie?)

  166. Hey Biko.
    Congrats on the win.
    It is said that ma trascends death by finfing meaning for his life…& u my man (NOT MY MAN..hehe) have found yours in giving people joy in tour writing..
    ..
    All these fancy words are to make sure u comment..so u better 🙂

  167. Hi Biko, First and foremost congratulations on your win. I came on board late last year after my daughter introduced me to your blog and my tuesdays have never been the same. I am one of the phantom readers so it’s my very first time to comment.

  168. I call my Tuesdays Biko day. No more lurking in the shadows. Congratulations Biko and the gang!Mi ni member.

  169. Congratulations chocolate man! You make me dream that I could write but then I wake up from my slumber and get back to my spreadsheets… I love your writing, its a sure way to brighten my day… Waiting on your version of chicken soup for the soul or Humans of Nairobi!

  170. Congratulations for the win Biko. I am one of the people who silently read and go back to the hustle of course with a smile.
    What did they give you for a prize this time round? and, will you accept a goat from Baringo as a gift from the gang?

    1. Haha. A goat? Sure. I will tie it on the verandah. I hope a neighbour doesn’t name it, though because it will make it hard to slaughter it. They gave me decent things this year.

  171. Responding to every single question, what’s with the self-flagellation? (And yeah, that’s an actual question i want an answer to, seeing as you’re going to be doing this all day 🙂 )
    Congrats on the wins though. You absolutely deserve it!

  172. After reading that you won yesterday I was ecstatic bragging about being your avid ghost reader. They asked me what you look like and funny enough I’ve never googled you. I prefer to know you by your words.It’s always a pleasure coming here.

    1. And you shouldn’t. So, are you a real Carpenterswoman? Ama it’s one of those things. Thanks for reading.

  173. Hi Biko I am one of those phantom readers. I have never commented but Love, love your posts anyways! FYI Today’s my birthday 🙂

    1. Happy Birthday, Carol!!!! (You have to read that with vim!) Hope you have a fantastic day today. Thanks for reading!

  174. Your blog is always refreshingly raw as though you are putting down every thought without filtering. It’s rare this days. Have you reached the level of freedom of no chills about what people think about you and what you write?

    1. Yes. I think I have. But sometimes you also have to know which side of your toast is buttered. I think that applies in life as well. Thanks, Lydia

  175. Hi Biko,

    I have read your blog from the day it was a “blog” to the website it is now. I guess what keeps me coming back is the rawness with which you write. A no holds barred style. I associate so much with the things you write; the funny one liners and the serious stories that make us pose and think. Will I be over reaching if I ask when we can expect the novel. We will buy the book however much you price it. Swear we wont make copies in River road; well at least for me and my house.

  176. Congratulations Biko. So, do you always approve the final print? And, coz sometimes we get heckelled by this your guy when we give opinions. ( Okay, I’m the ghost readers you were talking about. So silent, but I never miss a copy. And tell them to stop fighting about commenting first, or better tell us what the eff it means to do so. I was just going to type congratulations and leave.

    1. Haha. Now why are you going to start something when we are having a jolly good time, Dee? Eh? Why now?

      1. hahahahaha….I really just want to know what you got? Is there another female massai for the two lads ama they have to tough it out for another year?

  177. Am a phantom!! I have to say this,you are one truly blessed fellow,to earn a decent living doing what you truly love and excel at it ,is to me the ultimate self actualization.Keep doing this , as you already know you are good and may the Lord of Abraham keep standing over you.

  178. This will be a first a reply for every comment of course I am going to look away from my spreadsheets today just a little longer and comment. Mondays are just a bit better because of this Zulu man. The sarcasm, irony dark humor we take it all in stride. As I crunch in this numbers and secretly write of my boring life I bask in living your dream, you write damn pretty nice Biko maybe too nice

  179. Congratulations Biko!Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week because of your writing and the Gangs comments.Which book by Paulo Coelho would you recommend,other than the Alchemist?

  180. Congratulations Biko! Your biggest reader from Beijing. Thank you for making our lives here much easier. If you ever come to Beijing, we’ll have that whiskey you always talk about.

  181. “In fact, Nerea hadn’t even gotten a boyfriend yet, let alone getting pregnant.” That bit made me laugh out loud…hahahaha!

      1. I know yeah! We cool 🙂
        There’s a day I was at Three Dee for lunch and saw your name on the order list. I kept looking at everyone’s forehead to try and ID you. Hubby thought I was crazy..
        Congratulations on the win. Keep scaling the mountains. Maybe I’ll find you next time.

  182. BIKO
    words escape me , this is more than meeting your secret admirer and she says she has a thing for you.

    for the long nights i punn away digging into the new and the old, first it starts from the hottest newest and juiciest pst on turday ,m then a few hours later, an still musing over your penned thoughts , a learner , a tudent , and more importantly when i pen my thoughts, i dont consider myself crazy or on the edge ,,,,i have you for that. merci` merci` merci`

  183. Hehe…guilty as charged! One of the ghost readers that enjoy reading every piece you write.
    Biko, every Tuesday, you are my “Lord Commander.”

  184. Congratulations on your win Biko. Pray tell me, do you write copy? If you do, which is the most memorable one you’ve penned thus far?

  185. I love you. Or rather your work 🙂 My deepest regret in life will be ever running into you and never knowing it was you. It’d be very depressing

  186. You bring such a well deserved break to the spreadsheet. You write beautifully Biko. Don’t you dare ever stop.

  187. My wish is to master writing as I have mastered spreadsheets. Too bad one can only be gifted in one. I always look forward to your articles on satos, here and msafiri ( is it Msafiri? I’ve never looked at the title) on KQ seat pouch. We celebrate you.

  188. Congratulations Biko. Am
    one of those phantom
    readers. We wish you
    many more to come and
    every year we hope to
    raise a glass to the gods of creativity..haha..and maybe read you the New York Times ..is that you ultimate dream?.. where do you see yourself in future?

    1. My ultimate dream is to impact. I don’t have to do it from New York Times. I can do it here. I will do it here. This is going to be our “New York Times” Thanks for reading Mahatma.

  189. You make writing seem so easy, the words seem to line up waiting to be placed just at the right space, thank to your mastery of language.
    Here’s to many more years of cracking up The Gang!

  190. Congratulations Biko! I was never much of a reader until I discovered your blog, which was only mid last year. I have been reading (and enjoying)your writing faithfully since. I don’t get notifications (don’t know why) but I do know when it is Tuesday so I never miss out. Good job and thanks for making me start reading again.

  191. I am one of those Ghost readers, it takes too long to reply… But today I will.
    When will you write your own book, am thinking something in the lines of the book thief,
    you have the capacity to write something even better. Also can you have a separate page where
    you list your favorite books and those by others, like what you did on Instagram, for easy reference
    I have to go back looking for your article on books just to look for new reads.?
    Thanks and keep up the good work!!!!

    1. I will try and do that. Thanks, Pat (today I’m calling people with pet names here, just nod and move on.)

  192. Biko congrats you deserve this and though i dont have a question i just want to tell am one of those ghost readers and last mothers day i realised i had adopted your mother posthumously i look forward to your posts, read then cry unashamedly over the row pain, my hubby calls me mad. His a doctor and he lost his emotions in an anatomy class in his first year. Keep writing

  193. I have a question…I just over heard it from an International news network as I was reading this post..so; “What’s the secret to a start-up success?”

  194. Have you read Flannery O’Connor? You should consider putting together a short stories series, if you haven’t. Or even that novel?

  195. Congratulations Biko. I travel a lot for work, but wherever I am, you blog is what I look for first thing when I wake up every Tuesday. Thankyou!

  196. congratulations Biko. the years literally ran. started reading back in 2012, read all previous posts in like 2 days.Keep them coming Biko and we will keep voting

  197. Hi Biko, big fan mugendi here. Always a pleasure to read you
    S a pleasure to read you. Two questions, where is Farouq? What is your preferred whisky?

  198. ………And nobody gave two shits on who commented first….. I thought you were blind to this stuff. Thank you for noting. I hope that it gets toned down now.

  199. Congratulations on the win!!!! The only time i vote and actually win, if only you were the lottery. Anyway, Will you agree to a wine O’clock or a Yoga Class( You keep hating on this so much, I’d like to see you in action?)

  200. Biko where can I have an 18year old dropped off for you? To celebrate the BAKE award. Any particular brand as a preference?

  201. Congrats Biko….by the way, do you donate the books you are done with? if so kindly nirushie zinginezo…*closing my fingers*

  202. Thank you choclate man for making my Tuesdays.all i can say is that you are Brilliant.Be blessed and thank you for encouraging our young writers……Ps on lighter note i second someone who has suggested that you and Wanja Kavengi should do a meeting of Foreheads and do a collabo that would be a masterpiece.

  203. Congratulations Biko and the team. Cheers to many.
    Well, mine is just a request,there is this book ‘WILD’ written by Cheryl Strayed.
    I would love to read it but it hasn’t been easy to get one. If you have one,please share.

  204. you make me laugh.. you make me cry.. alot… alot.. you make me see me at times.. and my mother now religiously reads your stuff.. and cries too.. thanks fr your words..

  205. A Ghost reader right here taking a break from the spreadsheets and all.your writing is therapeutic.I look out for your Saturday magazine articles,True Love articles and am here on Tuesdays.Cheers!!

  206. Hehehe. Biko Congratulations on the Awards. Very much deserved.
    I am here to say sorry as well, this Reply to every comment…
    How is it going? Finally, Question, which campus did you attend? (curious)

  207. First, can we malizana with the nervous girl in snub shoes? Ama where can we read her interview. Secondly, well done Biko, you’re a testament to stick doing what you’ll love and it’ll pay back, in awards, whiskeys, fulfilment and wealth (in more words to write, followers, supporters, legacy and money). Keep it up.

  208. Thank you for clarifying that”dream come true”quote. i read it and was like..errrr really?that doesn’t sound like something Biko would say.Besides last year you were literally begging us to vote for someone else… and vented over the lanyard and crappy gifts(read: totally ungrateful)clearly that writer doesn’t read this blog. hehehehe. anyway i do hope the gifts were better this year.

  209. Congratulations Biko from one of the phantoms with a habit of re-reading old posts and laughing like I did the first time.
    Always looking forward to the next “New post” alert.when is your next book giveaway ? ……

  210. Congratulations Biko…My Tuesdays are Terrific after reading your Blog.Thank you for giving our young writers motivation to write.On a lighter note You and Wanja Kavengi should have a meeting of foreheads and come up with a collabo..That would be a masterpiece.

  211. hey chocolate man, glad my vote has always counted.when will we ever have the book,when Biko when??? write a book or you will keep getting lanyards and t-shirts hehehe

  212. Biko you are a literary colossus. And when are you launching your first book?? Anyway congrats and say hi to Tamms…for my small bro.

  213. haha..I normally laugh when I’m reading through a post because you always say something that will make me laugh, but today I laughed because I got a mention; the one with three names.
    Congratulations at winning yet again. I think you win each time so effortlessly, heck you’d even sleep write and you’d still win, even when you urge people to vote someone else in so that they can take the prize..kudos. People know raw talent when they see it.

  214. Omera ja south, puoch gi pak kuom yudo okombe. Terne jaduong okombe dala. Mano ne ripot form mari.

  215. I’m a millenial and the fact that i know and read biko’s work makes me feel like an extraterrestial millenial ..I get that thrill of winning sportpesa jackpot every week (millenial things) only that it’s these pieces that trigger the anticipation and excitement not the betting craze.Thanks for writing live words and lacing them with sarcasm Biko.Congrats..(does anyone ever say congrats anymore :-)congratulations.

  216. Umetupa ruhusa tuulize maswali nyeti leo. So i expect to see your reply on every comment. You haven’t replied to mine above( i am sulking now) so i add another one, has Tamms improved in Kiswahili ?

  217. Congratulations Biko!!
    Each and every comment…well that would be crazy but today we will take its appreciation before we go back to the world of spreadsheets! One question- is Fred married? coz which man survives on one donut for that long?

  218. Congratulations Biko!

    I consider you to be well traveled. If you could name any airport, that you consider well-stocked in terms of books, which airport would that be?

    1. Oh I’m not that well travelled! Hardly. I liked Schiphol’s bookshops and some in OR Tambo in Johzi.

  219. Look who the comment section pulled out of the woodwork, drum roll….. Mufasa from the old gang 🙂
    Bikozulu big up on the win!

  220. Congratulations Biko! I always look forward to reading your blogs..I am based in Zimbabwe now and you are getting a fan base here courtesy of me laughing out loud in the office whenever I read your blog and having to share the details with my office-mates 🙂
    Cheers!

  221. What happened to the Busia NGO guy?I read the post perched in a barstool at Nakuru’s Kanu street,scrolling through an ideos phone,eventually the bleached Nakuru women spiked my drink&stole the ideos with the open blogpage

  222. so my first comment and biko will reply to it.. so lets go.. why dont you give interviews or why arent your photos on the society pages of the newspapers?? and by interviews I dont mean going to the trend lol

  223. Chocolate Man, remember the “working woman” who unleashed the writer in you while still working in a lab?? I think we all need to thank her!

  224. Phantom checking in. Congrats Chocolate man! I have laughed out loud, shed tears, been inspired, challenged,traveled to far off places through your stories. Am glad i found and joined “gang”. God bless you and long live high school.

  225. Congratulations Biko! My twin introduced me to your blog a few years back and i became one of those online phantoms who religiously visit it every Tuesday…..You’re posts are quite therapeutic.
    I actually attended the awards hoping to catch a glimpse of “the” famous forehead :). You’re a brilliant and consistent writer, keep up the good work!

  226. Many are times my food gets cold or cars hoot behind me in traffic….. when reading the blog. Is the microwave still as loud at 4:00am?

  227. Offlate your articles haven’t been as captivating as before i usually go to your archives to reread them but now i’m wondering whats happening Biko?

  228. Hey?? Congrats,am a long time fan,, your letters on summer bunnies was my favorite continue to make the school laugh..

  229. Congratulations Chocolate Man,I love your writing.Thank you for making my Tuesdays and Saturdays brighter.

  230. “But of course we all know you made this happen, so I will drink to each of your good health until either I keel over into my fish fingers or someone holds me by the elbow and whispers in my ear, “Chocolate Man, I think maybe you should go home.” Then I will sober up, because you don’t want a man whispering anything chocolate-y in your ear”. You are a true example of what immersing oneself in the depth of their gift is all about. I read because no matter the topic, you always find a way to punctuate it with laughter; and laughter is all the therapy I need. God bless you Biko.

  231. Congratulations Biko. I am one of those many ghost readers you have. We appreciate your work, you make my Tuesdays worth looking forward to.

    Question, just how fore is your forehead?

  232. Congrats Chocolate Man, you deserve the Award, because Tuesday is never Tuesday without your post. A week is never complete without your insight. Question; what is the lowest point of your writing career?

  233. @Biko, you can now write about your son, i wish to see the other side of the coin. “The way you view other boys after your daughter.”

  234. Finally a chance for me to whine he he he …. but first congratulations on the win. you deserve it. the consistency is exemplary, the wit refreshing every time and the humor and ‘silliness’ keeps some of us going sometimes. ..
    Alright. so now, tuseme you havent seen my email ?

  235. Steve Biko, the most powerful blogger this side of the Sahara. Yet one who does not feel the urge (or does but mightily resists it) to flex a bit of uncivilised conduct expected of Kenya’s bloggers. I take my hat off for you man. You’re the Real McCoy. We appreciate you. I in particular appreciate you because there are a lot of em things and peeps I’ll never look at without a blog you wrote being my point of reference. For example, Kidum. The British Embassy. Turtle Bay Hotel rooms. You’ve given me fresh a perspective on lots of things and people. And I, am grateful. So go get wasted. I’ll raise a glass to you if I do too.

  236. lets bury a kuyu was the first post i was to read by my bro as we were heading to work. i read out loud and we laughed hard,we could relate.he later called you and you guys had a hearty chat.next time i met you was at caramel we were launching some whisky but i was tipsy so i didn’t even notice you well.now i say its been a good ride on your words.they have taken me to fatherhood and back to my 20’s.they had carried me to maturity when it really expects me to be so.i salute your work and still hope my bro will introduce me to you as he promised

  237. When u developed a blood clot in your leg I adviced you to buy antiembolism stocking for long flights . Did u buy them? Do you wear them? Do you like them? How’s do they feel?

  238. Just imagining choclate man’s fingers on the phone trying to fumble in response to every question but then you have ignored too many…Kudos JB for cracking our ribs, watering our eyes and………..

  239. was introduced to the blog by a former love, “black tie” was the first post I read. got hooked from then on. Good work biko, hope you write a book someday.

  240. Hmmm… Biko!
    So we get to ask questions at last.
    I’m from Nigeria and I love your works. You and Magunga and Meshack Yobby have taught me many Kenyan words already. Like ‘Jaber’, ‘Karua’, ‘Si’, ‘Ati’, and many more. Because of you guys, Kenya is my beloved African country now (after Nigeria of course).
    You’re doing a wonderful job here. My favourite post is still Tamms Diary.
    I intend opening a creative writing blog later this year, so any advice?
    Regards to The Missus, Tamms and Little Zulu.

    Peace, Love and Sweet Dreams.

    And Congratulations.

  241. You know you social writers have ruined it for us fiction writers? he he, I always have to put a disclaimer at the end of my articles/story that its purely a work of fiction. Good stuff though.

  242. Congratulations Biko…I don’t like reading literature I think its because of my profession he he but this has changed ever since I started reading your blog.Its interesting and every week I cannot wait for the notification so that I catch up.Good work..

  243. Biko Zulu, your blog, no, your writing is carthatic. The blog, business daily interviews and Mantalk.
    I am an ardent fan, but a ghost reader. Live long to always give us something to look foward to on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Bless your heart, the missus’, Tamms’ and Kim’s.

  244. Ghost readers arise. Congratulations on the win. I always squeeze in time to read and go back to the hustle,totally worth it. You’re witty, humorous, a great writer and a great dad. Oh, sometimes you bring out the tears (Nyadudi). Cheers!

  245. You make me wish there is traffic when your post gets me on the highway. Congratulations Baba Tams. I also need The Fault In Our Stars. Yes?

  246. congratulations! i enjoyed your saturday nation columns before i discovered the blog which is like 100x juicier, if i may say that. thanks for making my tuesday’s and sato’s brighter.cheers!

  247. congratulations! i enjoyed your saturday nation columns before i discovered the blog which is like 100x juicier, if i may say that. thanks for making my tuesdays and satos brighter.cheers!

  248. From Saturday Magazine column i particularly remember when you took over the column from Oyunga Pala, that article is always fresh in my mind, i will say you have stepped into his shoes. What about the true love column? i know even when i got no much time i go straight to the last page, you write well, you intrigue with your words, you entertain and you educate, congratulations on your big win, you deserved it, baraka

  249. I fall under the category of ghost readers, But since we are celebrating here goes my first comment. Congratulations on your wins Biko:)

  250. I am usually an online phantom. Even if I am the first to read, I will quietly go back to my hustle but today I will comment. Congratulations Biko.

    What makes you happy Chocolate man? As a human person?

    1. As a human person. That’s a new one. Many things make me happy at different times. And sometimes what made me happy on Sunday might not today.

  251. Congratulations the guy with forehead, chocolate man from kendu bay. “Erokamano” for making my lazy ass to love reading again.
    Cheers man.

  252. Congratulations Biko,…….am one of those that read and go back to the spreadsheet,…..all the same am always looking forward to that email notification.

  253. Congratulations on your win.
    I introduced the Missus to your blog a while back after she found me chuckling over write up you had on Toni.
    Toni,Toni,after her the good lord took a break.
    BTw has KIm learned to pull young girls hair?my son does…so proud of him,being 1 year and all..

  254. Congrats Biko on your win i have always been a ghost reader.. have my laugh and go on with my work… Congrats and keep doing this for us!!

  255. I have loved this blog since I read ‘Today my mother will die’ back in mid 2013.it’s always so beautiful when you write about your mom… She’s must be proud you from Up there. So when should I expect that book?

  256. Congratulations Biko, I voted for you and was sure you’ll win 🙂 Also, Kim is soo cute, and we’ve all fallen in love with Tamms, your whole family really. I’m a huge fan. Keep writing Biko.

  257. Hey Biko, I’m part of the ghost readers who never misses a post, always looking forward to Tuesdays. Only once have I not read your piece to the end!

  258. One Tuesday we were reading the weekly post. Yes, we. Me and my boys. A thought came forom one of them, “What if Biko (BZ as I have seen somewhere) wrote a movie script? It would be epic” Those were the exact words of the said ‘thinker’…Biko can we exepct to ever see that.

  259. I suspect it’s difficult to respond to all the generic comments saying, “good job”, “you deserve it”, “you make my Tuesday” over and over again.
    All of which are well deserved, don’t get me wrong. I just suspect that from the online persona you assume that excessive praise makes you uncomfortable. Am I right?
    But I will say thank you for writing, my old man likes your work, that is high praise for a man that studied a masters in english literature in the 70s and worked as an editor for more than 30 years, he does not like many peoples work.
    So, my question…. do you ever have moments when you get stuck… stare at a screen for ages and not write anything?

    1. It’s been happening the last three days. I have mantalk pending, three days late. Business daily pending, a day late. It happens all the time. But I know how to come out out of it. Thanks your old man, flattered!

  260. I am I too late to the party? Hey Chocolate man – check out my blog
    http://www.treatsonabudget.co.ke/

  261. It truly is the best blog since High School. I introduced a friend of mine here some time in 2012 but didn’t quite take up the reading so well. Until recently when you did the Mother’s Day piece which literally brought tears to his eyes as he remembered her with nostalgia cause she died 15 years ago, may she r.i.p.
    In short, keep up the good work

  262. Biko. Dude. You make writing look so easy, but every time I flip my laptop ready to turn myself into a young Biko, reality checks in. I don’t know how you do it. You totally deserve the BAKE award. Congrats man.

    1. Oh, and for my question. I’m looking forward to your colorful answer.
      If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

  263. JB, the wit in this blogs and the dimension of the stories you write, people call it talent others call it a gift but for you i think this is something ingrained in you. forever waiting for more. thanks Biko

  264. Here to comment again. Now that the earlier one wasn’t replied to, I want to ask how do you push someone to read you blog? tried telling someone to read your articles but he pushed the idea aside, then you wrote from Ethiopia about some vaccine camp/conference that was going on up there and the way those guyz handling save the child manenos never joke/laugh and I connected the reason why this guy never got my Biko fixation. So Biko how do I make people to read your humorous, edifying articles?

  265. Chocolate Man, what’s your worst fear in life? Are you humorous in real life? Like do you make Tamms laugh?

    1. Worst fear, bad shit happening to any of my kids. I’m not humorous in life. Only in my head. Nothing makes Tamms laugh, boss. Nothing. That girl is a stone.

  266. All of you are great writers!Keep up the good work!!
    Also…Please respond to my email about a post a few months ago…kynda important. Thank you!

  267. Phantom readers given a chance to shine
    Congratulations on a well deserved win….always a pleasure

  268. I am a ghost reader today you caught me I just had to comment….. I marvel at your sense of creativity….. Big up bruh

  269. Hey Fore-head mate.. I am one of the ghost readers who reads your posts in the office then re-reads them on my way home. Great great job.

  270. aaaaw..i really love when ‘big’ writers respond to the comments left by their fans.
    Congratulations on your win Biko.
    Out of curiosity,do you read other Kenyan writers doing creative writing? And if you do,who among them would you vote for to dethrone you?

  271. Congratulations on your well deserved win.Did you ever find Tamm’s friend, the one she missed from her previous school?
    Lastly where can i buy the book ,The fault in our stars.

  272. Hey Biko, congratulations!!
    Two questions: I love the interviews you do for Business Daily. What was the most profound lesson you ever learnt from those interviews? Also is there any one destination you have reviewed that left a huge impression on you and why?
    (30 Marks)

  273. Congratulations on another big win…You absolutely deserve it..And because of one of your posts,I learnt about Paul Kalanithi.I looked for his book, bought it and read it to tears.Keep up the great work!!!

  274. I rooted for you to win as a fellow scribe at www.zurikiki.com. And yes, I am a member of the phantom legion.

  275. This blog rocks! Congratulation Biko. Been wondering, does chivas give you coin for all the marketing you do for them?

  276. Congrats Biko.Though it took me 4 times of me registering to start getting notifications. (what”s up with that?). I used to read all other articles except the blog,I did not know about it. Then visa denied happened and i have never looked back. My best is BD life and the blog. Your Missus must be a strong woman. Haki some of the thingsyou write (as you indicated in new year article) must really piss her off! How do you deal with that?.

  277. She never puts her purse down, cuddles it in her lap like an ill pet.
    Well done Biko. I love your work. I love that it has heart and soul and is still funny too.
    Live long Sir!

  278. Continue with that weed Biko, its realy working, at this end we respond with broaden mouths (call it a smile) every time you buff, truly prince of the pen

  279. You should know that your posts kept me company many a nights when i was a new mother and sleep was elusive….. it is always a pleasure!

  280. Biko…well done as usual. We have two stories to write. You know which ones. Then i also need to come to the Masterclass. Thank you for all you do.

  281. Thank you Biko. I always look forward to Tuesdays. Which are the two best Books that have changed your life?
    I read the Book thief by the way.

    1. I wouldn’t say “changed my life” because I don’t think a book can do that. But Angela’s Ashes was an impactful book for me. That’s by Frank Mc Court. Lovely book about poverty.

  282. Hi Biko

    I enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for the bits which both entertain and at times challenge. Keep writing and God bless.

  283. Congratulations Biko! Thanks,so much for the many times you make me laugh so hard.
    Question- Why don’t you do Tv interviews?
    The people who work around you,are they always laughing because of what you say?
    Lots of love!!

  284. Hey Biko, congrats on ua achievement, u really deserve it. Ua blog touches a special part of my heart n mind. I used to be a passionate high scorer in literature creative writing bak in school. Do u think that can translate to fab blogging ama I jus forget n move on? I miss articles abt Tamms 🙂 n I wd love to see your forehead 🙂 🙂

  285. Guys, I know Candy!!! I know it’s a silly thing to brag about, but that’s the closest I’ll ever get to meeting you, Biko:) We are in the same campus, not really in the same crowd but we have a mutual friend. some day I was laughing myself silly over your blog and the said mutual friend asked what I was reading… That’s how I found out that Candy is CANDY. Sigh. Thank you Biko, you are an inspiration. You have a huge heart and are oh so funny. I sometimes fancy myself a writer but reading you puts me in check, hehe. Congratulations! Wishing you even greater heights!

    1. Is Candy cool or is Candy cool? I think Candy is cool. You should go say hallo. She is easy. No, she isn’t, she is quiet. But thanks for reading and kind words. I appreciate it.

      1. She’s cool for crying out loud she’s your niece!! Hehe. I’ll stop now. Candy is kind of quiet but she’s nice. BTW Master class falls on my 21st birthday. (screams)How do people get to attend?

  286. Hey Biko, was all over the social media celebrating your win and your forehead. Keep up the good work, i’m a self-confessed addict to an extend that I use your words in my daily convos.. hehehe

  287. you are good.but I think i am the best.ni vile engineering imenishika bado…see you in the near future..meanwhile feel appreciated….

  288. Congratulations Biko! It’s always an exciting time whenever I hear the email ‘ding’ every Tuesday morning.
    And Le Gang (I like that) has been active today. We should do this more often.

  289. Okay dude (and do not give me bullshit capper that you hate being called dude!) why did you have to go and mangle my name. Does Kidikibudi sounds like kipindupindu to you now?

    I need a forthright answer because I am contacting Mufasa to see if he can summon those carpenters friends of his from Gikomba to see if they can work on your uppity forehead of yours once and for all.

    I am a respected alumnus of the High School and should not be triffled with.

    Mufasa! On your marks!

  290. Began reading high skool.as a teenager, now a grown ass 24 yr old woman! Thats big, I easily get bored. Questions? Hope they get answers
    A) Busia, a post in the past was a favorite of mine for awhile. What happened to that guy? Did he get Mukami or the boss beat him to it?
    B) Clay Muganda left promises of a part two of what happened in India, did you ever ask? Congratulations on the award, you make the gang proud.

  291. A shout out in one of your weekly stories will make my day( ok, im 41. I should act my age. What the heck – I’m serious!!!)

    1. Haha. Who says 41 can’t loosen up? Is that what we are all headed to, Mo? (I call you Mo because you don’t sound like a Maurice. Maurice sounds like a guy who doesnt have one pair of socks with a hole)

  292. I am one of the ghost readers haki!!! but thank you Biko for always giving me something to look forward to every Tuesday

  293. Congrats Mr Biko. You’re blessed and yes I did sample the great spots you recommended for a girl who just wants her alone drink peacefully. Cheers to the writer! *glass highly raised *

  294. Thanks for the writing, senior ghost reader here. How about you post you picture I put a face to the name Biko. And did the soup from Maasai land work magic?

  295. I am a selective and ghost reader but since I joined the gang I have never missed reading your work. I read it anywhere and i always get that why is she smiling to herself look from people. I share your blog with friends and its one major topic we discuss now. Congrats. I hope you will reply as you have promised. Biggest fan from Ghana

  296. Another ghost reader who has decided to pop up. I happen to love words (i could marry them only that i am a monogamist), since i started reading your work (2014) i have drawn a lot. sometimes you leave me wanting the post to continue but i tell myself if the story ends there is no story for tomorrow.
    .Anyway, the crazy rush wont allow me type no more.so i leave my congratulations. just remember to go with them to little Zulu.

  297. waaah have scrolled over thousand comments!
    first things first:congrats Biko
    you inspire me a lot am an introvert so all my lone time with your articles makes my days.
    I used to read your articles on Saturdays,mantalk >fatherhood,I admired you as a father, sometimes I wished my dad would read those articles (too bad he’s old school, I accepted n moved on, literally) (being a Kisii has disadvantages, I had no idea how to subscribe to your blogs) Le struggle continues! but finally I managed, here I am
    Oh Biko I almost forgot, am also on Instagram (the only Kisii I guess )

  298. Well done Bikozulu. I know the boys at the Home Office probably told you never ever to discuss your ”visa denied” blog post. Yes, I went there… and no I do not expect you to break your promise. If they ask, just say it wasn’t you. You didn’t start it. I did. So just sit your gorgeous self over there and let me do the talking. You’re probably tired of hearing people always go back to that post, but I just did, because it took the words right out of my mouth! This Sato I’m going to Mr Matthews to prove my worth of stepping into the United States of America – the land of milk and honey where the roads are lined with sheets of gold. The last time I attempted to go and study for my undergraduate, the pale white guy at the counter took one look at me and decided that the balance of probabilities was against me. I was suspect; I didn’t look like I was going to return to Kenya. I look like one of those thin dark chicks who date old mzungu men. Lol! That was in 1998. Since then, I have travelled to more countries in Europe than I care to count – I always come back home. In fact my partner of 4 years is one of them, yet I choose to remain in my country. What Mr Matthews in 1998 did not understand is that not every African will sell their soul to the devil just to live abroad. Not every African will trade their freedom in their country to go and be a fugitive in the UK or America, ducking the cops at every corner and living incognito! Wishing you and your team god speed!

    1. Oh and I forgot to mention, since my visa denied episode, Mr. Mathews will see that I have since done my undergraduate, masters and now Ph.D. I really wasn’t interested in going to disappear over there.

  299. I “fell in love” with your writing on the back page of True Love Magazine. I would buy the Magazines just to read your article, I would have no recollection of even the cover model but ask me what Biko wrote about and I would have catch phrases. Mine is not a question but just gratitude that I later on discovered your blog. My relationship with True Love magazine ended there and then, now I only read a copy at the mercy of salons.

  300. Hi Biko, Congratulations once again on your win. I am a fan of your writing. I currently teach English form one in Ngong Huruma Secondary School. I read to them some of your stories in class and they like it. I really hope that one day you could possibly get sometime to talk to them about writing. There is a need for more and more young talents to be exposed to your works. I’ll also be looking forward to examine your forehead closely,jus’sayin’

  301. *cartwheels* we won! we won! we won! Well done Biko! And yet am still reeling from the hung up on ‘Mother’s day’. Had me call, text my mum and hear what she isn’t saying in her voice.
    Your ma is proud. What’s the one story that still got you got?
    *exit stage left*

  302. Hi, I’m one of the phantom readers all the way in Canada. I love your writing and look forward to checking my inbox every Tuesday. Reading your blog is the highlight of my day. Congratulations on the award and thanks for what you do.

  303. Wow, this is amaizing that you take your time to reply to all this comments. Personnal i love your blog i was in introduced early this year and i remember i dint sleep the whole night trying to catch up with all those articles.
    Ever since i look forward to Tuesdays.
    Congratulations man! Your sense of humour is incredible.

  304. 744 comments later, I don’t care, though am a ghost reader, today I have to put down my 2 cents. Joy Ruguru was my student back in Primary School, Incredibly bright, used to have questions that would easily catch me off guard, I think she led from Class 6 all the way after KCPE, Very bright, equally shy girl. Very kind hearted too. And Oh, Congratulations Sir, Tuesdays are never the same without you, and you owe me an email from back in 2012. Hehehe. Hope you see this and reply.

  305. @Biko if you were to put your articles together and make a book – the best of Biko Zulu, it would fly off the shelf. When are you doing so? I love all your articles.

  306. Your blog is pure entertainment. Most are the times you make us laugh so hard making us forget those around us. It makes me wonder whether you laugh at your jokes as hard as we do when writing them.

  307. Ogambachi Ssebo,congratulations for the win, am a big fan of your work, and as an alumni of the same campus you went to, am proud. Keep at it.

  308. Congrats Biko, I’m a phantom reader and you always make my Tuesday. My colleagues call me Biko lol because every Tuesday I have to alert them to read your articles. And I had to drag them to Tata everyday as we waited for you to show up as we took some tots of Chivas

  309. As soon as i read,,’Am commenting today’ i have never scrolled downwards to the post comment that fast,,Congratulations on your win, No,actually our win,,we are now a family?..right?..cheers to more awards,

  310. Howdy mate
    Reading your blog= the feeling of a smoothie down your throat after that 10km run
    Congrats man and thank you changing the face of Tuesdays.

  311. Congratulations Biko,your win our win. Next time your in coast, how about you PROMISE to let me buy you a madafu to tame all the congratulatory whiskies in your system? Pwani so Kenya, so no we won’t meet in the Nairobi village.Just say Yes! And mean it as I will put you to task.

  312. I am one of the ‘ghost’ readers. But today I will leave a comment and say thank you for your stories Chocolate Man 😉

  313. Gee…you weren’t kidding about commenting on comments,thanks for doing it, on behalf of all readers.
    Congratulations Biko, I think I’d ready anything you wrote – including scribbles 🙂

  314. I am a ghost, today i comment and say Congratulations Chocolate man…I wanted to be you when i was in high school, you are living my life….but i will come and catch up, when i do please be kind and offer me a seat next to you…You are such an inspiration

  315. We survive cold winters here, look forward to spring and summer, then when fall arrives we dread another oncoming tundra. But in all of these, Tuesdays remain special. Because we get to connect with our mates back home. Through you.
    Thanks dawg!

  316. “Fell in love” with your writing on the back page of True Love Magazine. I discovered your blog and that was the end of my relationship with the magazine. Congratulations and keep doing what you do. Do you think you will ever get over your fixation with Toni Braxton ?

  317. Quick question, were you once a lab guy? Asking for a friend. lol.
    On the real though, I am definitely a phantom and I am addicted to your writing. Superior to most.Glad to be part of Le gang! Congratulations Chocolate man

  318. Hehehe I’ve just found myself laughing at the comments and responses given by Biko… Now, this is fun. Biko for President… of Kanyamfwa Writers Guild.

  319. That rare day when the shadows shine 🙂 congratulations Baba Tamm. Since #tours are in season, ‘meet the fam tour’??
    You always add spice to my rather blunt Tuesday’s. Barikiwa Biko.

  320. Another ghost follower, Thanks for keeping us entertained, and for maoinh fatherhood sound cool.
    My Question,do you have an article or a story you wrote on this blog which you think was the greatest?..the best?a story you read after writing and you couldn’t help smiling at your genius?

    1. Haha. I see what you are doing here, Kimani. You are lucky my son is called Kimani. Your mOm will break your heart was a good one.

  321. You’re gifted my friend! I am one of those phantoms who read & go back to my spreadsheets. But I also want to share that your words every mother’s day reflect my thoughts & feelings of missing my mum who left us 19 years ago. Congratulations & thanking for sharing your gift with so many of us

    1. Sorry about your mama. (That’s how my dad calls my mom, “your mama” I find it funny.) And thanks for reading, Joanne.

  322. Congratulations Biko!!
    A question, where did farouk go?

    And,I would love meeting with you, not for an interview, just a chat

  323. I used to love reading Ngugi wa Thiong’o but then i met the guy and he wasn’t shit so i stopped reading him …Is that why you hide your forehead from the gang…???

  324. I really love your posts. there’s always something for the mind to play with. you make the scene appear real in front of me. so well done good people.
    #LeGang

  325. Congratulations on your wins and cheers to many more awards to come. Though am a ghost reader who had a lot of spreadsheets to go through..hehe,so true,today I comment…just to say hi

  326. My favourite dose, always been a member, cheers to another session. Always waiting for that Tuesday pop up!!! Take another whiskey chocolate man

  327. You got me,am the phantom online reader. Nice nice work I must say,that mother’s piece should have won a price.if n when u attend a writers clinic or workshop kindly extend an invitation ,I love reading

  328. Congratulations bikozulu and congrats to your forehead too! You deserve the win. You’re such an impeccable writer with a awesomely ridiculous sense of humour. Always look forward to reading your pieces. Hongera na help kwa uandishi mwafaka lol! God bless you, the missus and kids. Cheers and keep writing…

  329. Yeeey!Congrats Biko!We love you big.Yaani my name didnt make it kwa people you know.You should know people yawa.Spreadsheets and saving for later is how we do.

  330. So I read quite a bit… and i have to say you’re one of the most interesting wordsmiths i have feasted my eyes on! Also note that you have quite a following from non Kenyans! Kudos Biko!

  331. I’m I the last one? I bet you are silently wishing you didn’t make us that promise. Hehehe
    Ghost member here. I have two questions and a request. First, what constitutes a perfect day for you? Two, apart from family and writing, what else for you has been most rewarding so far?
    Lastly, follow me back on Instagram.. Hehe (too much? Yes? No)

    1. Perfect day. When I have no deadlines. I have money in my pocket. And none of my kids are sick. And it’s a Saturday. And it’s not raining.

      Most rewarding? Travels and great books.

      What’s your IG handle. Can’t find it.

  332. Thank you Biko for always making my days! Congratulations! Can I get an autograph? Yes, I want an autograph!

  333. Thank you Biko for sharing your writing gift with us.This blog brings sunshine to my days.You have no idea.

  334. Congrats mate! I always look forward to my Tuesday mornings when I get to work, enjoy my morning brew and reading your blog. In the middle of nowwhere in Colombia South America. Cheers

  335. A silent ghost reader who loved you way before u had this many likes..and my work was to read,giggle,laughout alone like there was a ghost within me!and share on my wall..Hongera Biko..when is Tams birthday can we get an invite?..I have a son!!

  336. Bet BAKE were holding their breath to see what you would write about their prizes this time.Last time you came out shooting from the hip with all manner of sarcasm and irony.What did they give you this time Biko?…hehe

  337. Congratulations Biko. I love it when you write of some place you went courtesy of a certain company. I guess write reviews on that note regarding hotels in the wild, products,etc. What can I do to get the same? I write, but on a different context.Cheers.

  338. You should get fired more often, if that is what made High School happen! Ahem. The Goldfinch was not that great….it drained my concentration! Attention, it turns out, is finite. That book took all of it. Congrats, man!

  339. Congrats Biko, and some of us became fans when it was high school over here and we were literally in high school and we read your blogs under desks during boring lectures. It’s been 5 years since….

  340. when I started reading I was in an unpaid internship. I read almost all the previous posts and kept giggling that week. I didn’t care if my boss found me coz what’s the worst that could happen? fire me and finally start paying me?

  341. Oh my goodness! So loving that you are commenting on comments*happy dances* I am here mostly for the screenshot 🙂
    Thank you for all the stories and for the inspiration to keep on writing and reading!

  342. I miss those Mondays, then you moved too a fortnight. My fiancee then boyfriend introduced me to this bloog. And we would discuss the post every Monday evening laughing it became our thing, still is. 6 years later, keep up the writing. Oh yeah and you retweeted me #Vanity indeed ha ha

    1. I miss those Mondays, then you moved to a fortnight. My fiancee then boyfriend introduced me to this blog. And we would discuss the post every Monday evening laughing, it became our thing, still is. 6 years later, keep up the writing. Oh yeah and you re-tweeted me #Vanity indeed ha ha

  343. Biko, I have this daughter of mine (cutest thing I have ever called mine) who throws tantrums by kicking my face – and specs – while screaming. She used to do that to her mom, and I would laugh my head off. Now they have turned against me.She wants me to keep playing her those cartoon-acted birthday songs on my computer all day (She doesn’t give two shits that I have to work). Did Tamms ever do that? Father to father…. She used to respect my computer some time back.

    1. My laptop is a no go zone. It’s known. I drew that line a long time ago. But the boy? Oh I will have problems with him.

      1. Hahaha, not that she touches the laptop either. She knows where the line is. But she demands what ought to be displaying. So she will tag on my hand (while not touching the laptop)and keep calling “Baaday” to imply the said songs. She is 27 months ONLY. Can you imagine? A Two and a Seven

  344. I have been an ardent follower of your works and i couldn’t agree more with the appraisals that fuel this blog – which by all means shower your writing with plausible plaudits. Well deserved. I particularly wont forget about an article you wrote on “Fifteen years later, school bell still rings in the mind”. It left me nostalgic about crossing the equator every passing day in my alma mater. And however Treacherous life was on either side of of the equator… Deep down am glad you passed through the same “military” ordeal!

  345. Mr.Zulu, congrats on the award, btw if you need a buddy to chow down that(those) whiskey bottle(s), am your person…good read.
    Xo!

  346. Congratulations Biko! You have won blogger of the year for a bit too long, how about book of the year?Maybe? I am a voracious reader of your articles but I am a ghost reader. Since I am shy, I am not even sure even a doughnut could break the ice if we ever met.lol!

  347. You moved offices! Congratulations on the award, you totally deserve it..they need to give a street your name..:)

  348. So after a really busy day….and almost to bed it hits me its Tuesday….sh*t! i havent seen what Biko has to offer today……maan! i pray you may have many more years to do what you do best….oh unless you start taking salad again congratulations biko

  349. As usual onwards and upwards. Gang supports you all the way. seeing that I am commenting at 2349 hrs. Keep making us laugh as you tackle real issues oh and giving pretty good decent writers a space to go gaga. Here’s to you

  350. Used to read raymond chepkowony then he stopped writing( never being so angry at someone finding love lol)
    then i discovered bikozulu in 2011 or 2012 i think and never turned back.Congratulations on your win you deserve it.

  351. Congratulations Biko. Your blog has inspired me to the point of quiting my 9-5 to follow my passion and I’m grateful that I haven’t regretted it one bit. It also inspired me to start my own blog (https://seamstresschronicles.wordpress.com) about dream chasing and for some reason always mention you in my posts or share some of your posts on there. Big fan and may God bless you.

  352. Another online phantom ’coming out’.and i see that we are many ..an online Phantom Anonymus would suffice,i think..is it Le gang ghosts?

    To Mr.Chocolate man,how often are the Master classes,age limit?Hoping to attend one soon.

  353. I’m so tempted ‘I always look forward to reading your posts every Tuesday, in the middle of nowhere in Sarajevo’ but I’m only here in USSRongai. And it’s raining dogs and donuts. And those ‘black flat shoes’that impressed you. My forehead refused to sleep, till I read all the comments, and especially your response to those comments. From one of the many ghost readers, congratulations JB( my bro is also a JB). Keep making Le Gang proud.

  354. Congrats chocolate man. Keep writing. Keep inspiring us. For the forehead, let it remain hidden. Mystery is good..

  355. Congratulations chocolate man! And thanks for your work. Always inspiring and something to look forward to. Cheers to many more

  356. Biko I got no question but I certainly do wan to say congratulation on winning the awards and thank you for making it your duty to always have this lady have a very hearty and insane laughter every so often. May you thrive and shine in all you do, you somehow make it easy to believe in humanity in the midst of a crazy world, the day I meet you I will kicking for making me cry so much over the mothers day blog, you will pay!

  357. Wow these comments are so many! I was hoping to go through them all but now am running late. Back to the subject of the matter. Thanks Biko for making my week. I buy the newspaper on Saturday just to read mantalk.. We are so proud of you and we hope to see a book soon. Am one of the ones who cant wait to meet you..

  358. Hi Biko. I discovered this blog in 2015 – Now..let’s bury a Kikuyu.Got hooked. Went ahead to read each and every previous article on the blog. Told all my friends, a number who are now members of this gang. So I decided this year, I had read of the master, that it was time to learn from the master. I’d join the master writing class. When Oh when, will it be back up Biko?

  359. Congratulations again and again Biko, and thank you for providing laughter therapy even when we didn’t know we needed it! When can we expect your books to start flying off the printing press and store bookshelves

  360. Waiting for the ultimate business daily interview of Biko interviewing himself. The questions you ask and somehow feel like are answered in half.

  361. Is it true that reading novels about vamps and weird creatures makes me a weirdo?Hey about the questions…eeeh..so am like age ishirini na moja , in love with your work by the way,have passion for writing and what not.But then my greatest fear is actually FEAR.
    Am taking advantage coz you are gonna jibu this.How do I get over a sin called FEAR?

    1. You are not a weirdo. I had the same concerns (I love fantasy & Sci-fi books) Till someone told me not to worry about it.
      Here’s a quick read for you: http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/08/going-home-with-cs-lewis/375560/

  362. Biko….. Biko…. Biko… I also want to write….. Badly so……
    May be you give a somewhat expert review of my writing on www.robbinsays.wordpress.Com
    If you do fin time to stop by….. My mail is [email protected]
    Looking forward it…… I like round-toed shoes too

  363. Congratulations Chocolate man. Since sometime last year when i stumbled into this blog, it has become my weekly drug which am glad am addicted to.Thanks from all the ghost readers out there.

  364. Why didn’t I comment yesterday! Damn this exams. Happy for you Biko. So happy for you. Toast for your blog!

  365. I won’t ask many questions and i actually want to just appreciate you for making me a better reader and for brightening my days even though sometimes you make me cry… especially when you write about Jane… lot’s of love for a mother in one person already and it just melts people’s hearts, yes it does. But just for keeps, will this reader ever get the chance to see that chocolatey forehead?? When? He hee, congratulations though.

  366. Congratulations Biko!!! It’s all I would say. I am one of the ghost readers, but I go back to word documents and PPTs not Excel Spreadsheets.

  367. Hi Biko,
    Three years of faithfulness to your blog! I market your blog so hard, you with think I get paid. Where did ‘Terminal 22’ disappear to? When you moved the blog, you said that some stories would disappear. I never thought Terminal 22 would be one of them. Is there a way we can get it back? It is among your absolute best pieces.

  368. Hongera Mr. chocolate man. thank you for always making my week worthwhile. Ever since I discovered you, I have never looked back. Asante!

  369. Congratulations are in order Biko, your writing is marvelous.
    what languages are you proficient in?
    na usitukanwe kwa lugha gani juu utaskia?

  370. Biko, are you still responding to questions? Sorry I haven’t read all the comments so apologies if you’ve already answered this one. What happened to Chero and all the other guest bloggers? I enjoyed reading the variety of voices on the blog.I hope they weren’t too discouraged by the criticism. I thought it was a great initiative. Please consider reviving it, even if it’s on a separate page, to keep your sychophants happy.

  371. Biko, am a fan of 3-4 Yrs, I think secretly my girlfriend is jealous!
    So how about a book club, maybe after a weekend run, I think you could ride
    on this huge following to promote that too, Sorry can’t yet get myself to join
    writing masterclass, am still tailing in my reading. Cheers for the great writing.

  372. So long as you remain objective,you will continue to influence a generation.Keep up the good work.

  373. Yeeeiiii… Book is responding to comments! Uganda sends you love! Have no question… wait, in your mother’s day post when you said you had to pew, did you really pee?

  374. Ati something chocolate-y!! Well done, you deserve many more awards and thank you for inspiring those of us who write, because of you, our dreams are still valid

  375. Congratulations on the well deserved win.
    Pray do tell, what is your all time favorite book? and your pet peeve?

  376. I’m one of those who read silently then go back to their daily routine.
    Spreadsheets for that matter. Keep entertaining us. And we will keep
    supporting you. Some of us do not read the articles the same day but the week
    is never complete without a read. God bless you.

  377. Congrats Gang…i`ve been a fun of your blog for ages.I tend to think am the only Cop who is subscribed to your e mail alert.

  378. For almost a year I’ve been ghost reading n going back to my day hustle but after reading last weeks post I decided I’ll be commenting on each and every post…Congrats

  379. Reply to my comment with anything less than a paragraph and I swear I’ll whisper something chocolatey in your ear

  380. I know a lot of writers( and bloggers) try to be you…copy your voice and style…what do have to say to them?

  381. Kudos Chocolate Man !!! from Msimbazi -land of Pombe Magufuli where the English Ship never docked- i say Hongera kaka !!!!!!!

  382. with the interview scene setting before my eyes…’our offices’..’shoes”….tape recorder…’university student’..i sat up and waited for out version of fifty shades of chocolate..you know that’s how the fifty shades of grey unfolds. that aside, congratulations, being a member of the gang is one of the sound decisions ive ever made bila regrets

  383. i guess im too late for you to sign my autograph,sigh!!Biko you are the reason i spend 325 every month on TL.You have made my nights bearable when i was pregnant,id just read your stories and feel energized.My phone(a white iphone lol) died a while back and all i could think of is how ill lose out on your blog.Well done and keep it up.Numero uno fan

  384. Am the silent Ghost that reads all your post in the heat of Kendu Bay after a morning walk doing home visits and hopping one day I land at Jaduong’s home.
    Will you also answer your Instagram questions, now that we are celebrating?

  385. Congratulations! But Biko of course you were going to win. There’s a book you recommended. When breayhe becimes air. I can’t find a soft copy. Please e mail it to me. Pretty please with a strawberry on top? You like strawberries right? Ok, any type of berry you like then.

  386. Congrats Biko, you truly deserve it and do keep it up. Mine is a request, please post more replies from the ‘long post about life’ story, it’s my favorite of all time and is very encouraging. Thanks

  387. I have been a big ghost reader(mama yao).I always look forward to Tuesdays.Excellent work Biko.

  388. Chocolate man,I just wanted to say thank you for the amazing body of work that you’ve created.I discovered u in True Love in 2008(I think) and you changed the way I feel about myself.That article changed my hormonal teenage self.I Still have that cut out in a book.

  389. You totally deserve that award, been a ghost reader for quite some time, only started commenting a while back, promise to always comment on all your blog posts :-),and Kite Runner is my favorite novel, as recommended by you,keep up the good work, kudos, 🙂

  390. Keep up chocolate man…your blog has become like a doctors prescription to me.I miss a single dose and phewks!

  391. Congratulations for the achievement and it s great to hear from you…i enjoy reading your articles and looking forward to many more interesting pieces
    Ps: the night runners storo on ‘the questions they ask’ was just epic…some of this myths are implanted in us at an early age so please understand us…

  392. as one among the thousands of ghost readers who come in quietly, read and go back to le hustle. allow me to pass the congrats on behalf of team ghost

  393. Congratulations on the win Biko! And thank you for sharing your gift with the world ☺
    When you’re long gone how would you like to be remembered? What will be your legacy?

  394. Congratulations chocolate man, I freak whenever it hits me that haven’t read your post .
    ….just like now then I find this. Le Gang loves you.

  395. Thanks for writing, even with so many ghost readers like me. I’m at a reader’s block and I really need to get back on track, it’s breaking me. Is there a book you would recommend?

  396. Hello Chocolate Man

    Big fan, ION, do you still do bridal showers? Would like to hire you for my friend’s. Always a good read!

  397. Congratulations Biko! Glad to be apart of Le Gang..I always look forward to your reading your blog. Your making a positive impact in ways you may never know. So thank you. Enjoy your whisky

  398. Biko congratulations on your win it can only get better proud to be part of this winning gang.You keep me tickled.

  399. given the chance the one thing I would borrow from u is the ability to incorporate humour. sarcasm and wit in my writing. I wonder how you pull that off

  400. Hey Biko, I enjoy blogs, they are refreshingly riveting and utterly hilarious. Believe you me, they have helped me overcome some nefarious addiction propagated by, of course, the internet. A big congratulations for your award, oh, both of your awards, No, I mean all of them through the years, you deserve them all. And also congratulations for saving a soul.

  401. Congrats Biko. I’ve been reading your blog since the High School days. I remember we asked for a book, and some time later, you stated that you were finally ready to write one (it was a new year resolution if I remember correctly). so, how long should we wait?

  402. “Can a novel fit in it?” Is a factor I take into consideration when buying a handbag. Always have a book in my handbag, I have loved reading since I was in my preteens. I had no idea what a blog was until I read your Jadudi story ( overwhelming response had me wearing my tourististic Jambo Kenya tshirt with pride). Anyhoo I backtracked and read all your stories (still didn’t know eti they were blogs)and I mean ALL plus subscribed for notifications. Liked, strike that, was touched by all save two, Toni as in Braxton & the girl with the head phones. Your haphazardness always comes together in the end. But those two, eh (buzzer sound) hazikuleta shangwe. Your posts move me from tears of sorrow to happiness. Moskito – an animal found in Tsavo & Kim meets Sam nearly killed me. I mean, I nearly joined Facebook (Mimi? you ask. No in this case you’d ask, wewe?)yes me so that I could read the smaller post there. Luckily I found a way without enslaving myself.
    Kwa hayo machache please, please, please read,
    John Steinbeck’s dedication to his editor, Pascal Covici, in East of Eden”. Google it if you have to. Bikozulu, that dedication is you to a tee. Hongera na Asante. Keep on keeping oner

  403. It’s true you do crack some silly jokes, that’s what makes us tuned every week, kuddos Biko. Your piece on Mother’s Day got me tearie, man tears… I miss you Ma’. Please say hi to Bikos mum up there, n tell her Biko is doing great. Thanks man, for always making my Tuesday’s bright.

  404. Congratulations Chocolate Man….
    However, I am still waiting for some sort of book; beautifully autographed, leather-bound, sweet scent, hard-copy take-home. Ningoje mpaka lini??

  405. Still a silent ghost but just because you said you will reply every come t, I thought why not try my luck. Not sure though if that offer still stands coz it’s 19th…. Congrats Biko.. Somehow I have always had an image of you in my mind (Bien of Sauti sol) because you have made it hard for us to see you. Again Congrats and asante sana kwa kutufurahisha na tungo zako. Did I mention I’m Tanzanian?..I am and happy to be entertained by your articles every week… Now I have.

  406. 6 years??? Sad that I only found you after Jadudi story. But atleast I found you and introduced your work to my hubby. Who laughs at every sentence and calls me to ask if I read that part that was so funny. But ofcource I did! So apart from wife duties, my new found role is to tag him on your #NEWPOST. I love your work, cheers to our blog!!!

  407. Hey Chocolate man 🙂 where the hell did Nancy Chero’ go??
    hope she’s still alive and on the journey still?

  408. Congrats Biko. And when are you having your next writers’ training? I’m sure the competition for a spot will be even crazier next time but I can still hope to be one of the chosen

  409. Congratulations Biko! Couldn’t help but picture you…and her…and the innocent donut. My question…why do donuts have holes?

  410. You are truly a creative writer…i love the pieces and more so your use and choice of words. Its so easy to understand and follow the story. At times so very funny i laugh out loud in the office. (Some friends of mine say they cannot see what i see in your writings and i wonder, how now…hehe). Anyway, thank you for making my week Biko with the posts. Koro airtime no kaka ne ng’eny no…akia kaka wanyalo poge. Hehehe…(Just joking though) Congrats on the win…!!!

  411. Kampai Biko, I hope to one day pay for that whiskey, no?
    Great lessons from each post everytime, we appreciate

  412. Hahaha…you just touched a nerve of a ghost reader.
    CONGRATULATIONS.
    You are truly an inspiration.
    Keep soaring.

  413. God blessed you with a gift and thank you for sharing it with us.Congratulations and hope to meet Biko someday

  414. I am one of the ghost readers but today I just had to say something….Your articles are a breath of fresh air for me 🙂 Congratulations!!

  415. One question, a lil’ basic: how do you find which book titles to read?
    After finishing one book, there’s always that dry spell before i happen
    onto smth else captivating. Thanks

  416. Congratulations again Biko. Mine is just to know how you maintain the momentum. It gets so hard to keep writing.The pressure and writers block is real you guy!

    abantugril.wordpress.com

  417. “Let’s bury a Kikuyu”…Babies into Ladies…Try hit a girl today…i have read these ones a hundred en one times, en i never get enaf.Jesus Biko, si you are an addiction

  418. 3 days later and I know you wont reply! But you inspired me to read widely and my communications skills have sky rocketed hence my new paycheck. when I ever meet you (if I ever do) I shall buy you a donut. Will you eat the donut or will you be watching your forehead? I mean weight.. Well I shall buy you one

  419. Hey Biko, you wrote so handsomely, pardon my French lakini its totally a mind turn on. My questions
    1. What inspires you to write, initially and continually?
    2.Who do you consider your role model?
    3.What would be careerwise if not a writer/blogger?
    4.Which animal do you think you are?
    5.Why are men afraid to commit,yaani why the fisi culture?

  420. I enjoy your blog. A good break from our spreadsheets. I think it’s also great that you give other writers a chance on this your platform. Though at times its very…ummm…difficult to read their posts, it’s a good thing. Keep doing what you do and God bless you with many more words!

  421. It’s never too late to say congratulations, and yes, keep making our Tuesday mid-mornings.
    BTW, Where on earth did Chero go to? Loved her journey as well.

  422. It’s never too late to say congratulations, So Congrats! on your well deserved win and yes, keep making our Tuesday mid-mornings.
    BTW, Where on earth did Chero go to? Loved her journey as well.

  423. I’m curious to know -When the gig at Adam ended, (and the regular fat cheques) what inspired you to keep at it (High school). Did you ever think it would grow to be your bread n butter? Im asking coz Im at exactly the same point in life having quit a well paying job to pursue entepreneurship 3 months ago…and need inspiration to keep at it.

  424. A ghost reader thinks you have outdone yourself this week. From bonding with the gang to the mjengo piece and today’s article on the daily nation on fatherhood.
    I’ll ask a question she probably never asked as it’s somewhat outdated: where do you see youself in the next 5 years? Don’t you think you’ll have written a book already? No, seriously

  425. Congratulations Biko.I’m one of those ghost readers. But I look forward and read each and every post.keep it up.

  426. I’ve always found it hard to fall in love with man because your beautifully written words swept me off my feet..one year now. I’ve always wished to join the Master Class thingie but distance messes that.
    Keep up

  427. you never disappoint 🙂 Jadudi’s story and that young man who had no idea of how to get Uni fee, really got me teary.

  428. you never disappoint 🙂 Jadudi’s story and that young man who had no idea of how to get Uni fee, really got me :’)
    .

  429. From your Instagram page, to your blog, to your articles on Saturday Daily Nation and True Love,
    thanks for always putting a smile on my face and teaching me a thing or two.
    And congratulations.

  430. Biko..I am a big fan and have been for a while.
    And it must be a small world as suprisingly my brother was meant to do your website just before you upgraded it but there was a ‘creative’ difference between you and his team.
    I chastised him for turning away one of my favorite writers/bloggers but he had never even read your work.
    Currently live in Perth Australia and have for the last 15 years but will be home in August.
    I sincerely hope we can catch a whisky together one day, a single malt at that as would be an honor to meet the man behind the pen!

  431. This is always going to be yours for as long as you will keep writing.

    Congratulations.

    Keep writing, yours is a gift from above, because you touch lives with your pieces, you make a difference.

  432. Baba Tamms,shikilia uzito *fist bump* congrats once again for the win..did you get to travel to UK after The Visa Denied incident?

  433. You know, the first part of this piece reminds me a lot of Fifty Shades of Grey.lol. Lovely writing Biko.

  434. thank you Biko for cheering my Tuesdays with great reads, now that I know
    that you are replying all comments on this post(hoping it hasn’t expired yet)
    I would like to know what does “Missuse” mean.

    thank you, bear hugs from Kigali 🙂

  435. You have touched me already, of course not in that way. Your writing is simply amazing.

    Sincerely, one of your ghost readers

  436. You know how France has the Eiffel Tower? We have Bikozulu. This is where I come to laugh and hide when I can’t stand all the negativity in social media. Everything is so tranquille and everyone is so cool that all you can be is yourself. Also, what was that shawarma place at Diamond?

  437. Biko,

    Awesome as always. I’m only getting to this article now because it’s “Bikozulu Sunday marathon” since I haven’t visited the blog since April. I know I know, I am hanging my head down in shame. I’m trying to find my balance and hopefully I will do so soon and get back to my weekly reading. Thanks for the awesome and hilarious articles, we completely deserved the wins!!
    So I have a question, and since I missed the cue, I hope you can still answer it. It would really make you super awesome Biko, trust me. The gang would love you even more. Wouldn’t you want that? It would be a great feeling I say!! Anyway, Do you go to the gym? To work out (not to stare at the machines)? If so, would you write a great article about the gym? It might get me out of bed every morning, and motivate me to head to the gym (which is literally next door!!). I will appreciate it!

    Thanks again for the great reads and great laughs, Biko!

  438. I always look forward to your writing, some are so funny and others very meaningful, but most of all I love how you write about tamms little biko and the missus.Never stop.
    Sincerely loyal fan. Sasa sisi tumecommet months after you will probably not see this but it doesn’t matter,you just do you.Cheers (I love whiskey too,although not the expensive ones you usually drink hehe)

  439. Spreadsheet fan here, from across the pond! Well done on the awards! I try to catch up on your posts on the weekends if the spreadsheets are not calling.

  440. Did you stop answering to all the comments? I know I’m a couple of months late but I hope I get a response. Also, I really wanted to read through the comments just to make sure no one asked what I want to ask but I’d have finished next year, I still have more of our posts to catch up on. Here’s my question. If you dint know what writing was or how it felt or what it was like ₩

  441. Did you stop answering to all the comments? I know I’m a couple of months late but I hope I get a response. Also, I really wanted to read through the comments just to make sure no one asked what I want to ask but I’d have finished next year, I still have more of our posts to catch up on. Here’s my question. If you dint know what writing was or how it felt or what it was like, what would your bread and butter be?

  442. I’m one of your biggest ghost readers who always comes in quietly to your blog. Congrats for the awards and keep up the spirit.

  443. And Suddenly, A man hated himself for not using Google more efficiently to find Art like this that makes it hard NOT to smile in between the lines