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Moments of 2016

There is this guy I’m mentoring a smart and humble guy. He’s 28, jobless. It’s been a tough year for him living from hand to mouth, eking life from a bowl, counting coins, listening to the sound of his pre-paid elec meter make that beeping noise, writing, shaking bushes, praying and beating another egg on a weak fire of waning hope. He eats alone. There is nothing as stark as eating alone, everyday.

He had this chick who lent him her laptop to get some writing done because his laptop had crashed. Then things got really tough. A month ago she came to his house in the evening wearing a black dress and a dark scowl and without looking him in the eye said she felt “overwhelmed” and she wanted to “focus on her life” because she felt his problems “were slowly becoming hers” and that he should focus on his “and find someone else.” He put on a brave face and nodded, clawing at the jagged edge of dignity and self preservation. She then silently packed a few pieces of clothing she had left over, took her laptop and left. He had some unfinished writings in that laptop; pieces of himself and his thoughts, she left with those.

He sat in his single-room in his single chair and stared at the wall for a bit trying to will himself that he would get ashore. Later in bed he tossed and turned and finally at midnight, feeling wretched, his resolve breached, he picked up the phone and called. It was 1am. She sounded like she was with someone – offering one-worded answers. He did what every man hates; he pleaded with her to come back. He told her not to bloody leave, not now when all his chips are down. She was adamant; she said it was over for her.

A few days later he wrote me an email confessing that he was nursing a “terrible heartache” and he felt “horrible” because she made him feel so “inadequate.” He couldn’t believe she left because he was doing badly. I didn’t tell him this but I think 28-years isn’t a bad time to have your heart broken, it’s far much better than having your heart broken at 45. So it’s actually a good thing. Hearts heal.

That’s how this guy is ending his 2016; with a looming feeling of inadequacy, a broken heart and his finances in the pits. All of which can be fixed, thankfully. He will wake up next year and he will rise. He will get a laptop and he will keep doing what he’s passionate about – writing – and he will keep looking for opportunities and things will get better.  Maybe it’s from this darkness that his best writing will come from; something heavy with pain and anger and hopefully self deprecating. Maybe he will wake up in 2017 and say, “I want to be better than the man she left.” I hope he does, otherwise the heartache will be wasted on these emotions. I’m certain that his 2017 awaits with surprises and bountiful promises. But only if he believes it, I told him. And prays for it. Pray and believe.

One day he will look at 2016 and remember how broke he once was and how he felt when his ex walked out in that little black dress and he will wonder how in the world he let that break him. He might not know it now but this girl has done him a mighty favour. Maybe he would have gotten her pregnant because he still believes coitus interruptus works (roll eyes) then he would be a father at 30 struggling to pay for fare and she would fight him daily and call him names and he would feel small and unmanly and he would resort to booze and his life would refuse to pick up because he would have stopped believing in himself. Now he has a chance to go at it with a more significant impetus. So go for it, L.

Unlike my mentee I’ve had a truly wonderful year; 2016 has been kind to me. I come here and talk about the Lord of Abraham and about SDA manenos and you think it’s one big joke. It isn’t. Those guys in heaven have my back.

Here are some of my highlights.

Adenoids

Did you know that they only allow one parent in surgery? I found it unfair. Is it the space? Is there no room for a father inside surgery? When they were surgically removing Kim’s adenoids the guys at the hospital said they could only allow one parent in. “When he wakes up he needs to see a familiar face.” the lady in surgical scrubs told us. I wanted to say, “then in that case we need to bring in Catboy of PJ Mask.” Hohoho.

They said the mother should go in, let the father sit downstairs – sure, fathers will only want to touch things in surgery. So I went down and googled “risks of anaesthesia” and the first thing that popped up was, “Anaesthesia may harm children’s brains.” So I stopped. When he came to, an hour later, I held up a finger in his face and asked, “Kim, is this a finger or a pen?” He said, “Sweet.”

Close enough. Actually, when you think about it…aw forget it.

AA Gill Dies

I have read and followed this guy for the longest time. My Sunday’s at 6:30am are spent in bed reading The Sunday Times because of him (OK, and Giles Coren and Lynn Barber and Jeremy Clarkson). If there is a writing god, it’s Gill.  A few months ago he discovered he had lung cancer. Two weeks ago he died. I was shell-shocked; one moment you are here, the next Wikipedia has changed your narrative to the past tense.

If you are into travel writing read AA Gill is Away. If you are wondering if you will ever stop your drinking problem read “Pour Me: A Life.” If you want to learn how to write about food read, “ Table Talk.” If you love words read his work; it will make you laugh, horrify you at times, and bewilder you with its brilliant prose and cheek. Then it will leave you bereft and moanful. RIP Gill.

Talking of books…

“Dogs, being wordless, can only be mirrors of their humans. It’s not their fault that their people are fatally flawed.” That’s a line of Lauren Groff’s ‘Fate and Furies’ my book of 2016. It’s tragic, yes, but it’s a beautifully narrated tragedy. Read it. Mathilde will steal your heart but then Lotto will break it.

Another bonus read: The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien. Read it on a Sunday as the kettle boils.

A Hard Question

We were from the salon in Westy one Sato. She – my ride or die – was seated at the passenger seat her nails freshly done because you don’t want some horny goat one day in her late teenage throwing mani-pedi’s as a seduction incentive to rope her in. (Yeah, make it harder for them). She suddenly turned to me and asked “Papa, why is it called Naked Pizza?” The earth shimmered on its axis.I kept a straight face and stared hard ahead at the road. Yeah, I wondered, why is it called Naked Pizza? What had it been stripped off to be referred to as naked? When they say extra toppings do they mean that they are layering? And so if the top is off, is it naked? Does pizza have boobs? And why are other pizzas not getting naked? Are they not hot enough in this heat? What are they afraid of? What are they hiding? Are other pizzas – like Mambo Italia, or 360 degrees – not proud of their (cheesy) bodies to show them off? Most importantly, how can we as parents be expected to raise well adjusted children if we can’t even explain to them why pizza can opt to be naked? Is this the democracy they speak of?

Turning 39.

I turned 39 years in October. I’m in my final year to the fourth floor. I’m leaving third floor and I won’t miss it. I won’t specifically miss the rubbish insecurities of the early 30’s. I’m growing a bigger and ghastly beard – some of which is turning white. Tamms absolutely hates it. She says, “Papa, why don’t you shave this?” Well, she can kiss my ass. It’s my beard and my life. (Sulks). Thankfully, Kim loves it. He strokes it. It’s a guy thing. How does the final year of 30’s feel like? Well, liberating. There are no more fucks left in my pocket to give, for one. The excuses I used to give myself are getting lesser and lesser. I joined a gym to (try) rid off the flab in my midsection. I joined a spin class for crying out loud, spin class! If you would have told me at 34 that I will be spending my Wednesday mornings cycling a stationary bike with a bunch of girls (and men) in tight things I would have said you must be losing your marbles. I await for my 40’s with relish because I will go in on my own terms. Inshallah.

Of the Departed

A friend of mine lost her brother early this year and was going to view the body of her dead brother at the morgue and asked me how it is to view a body. (Yeah, because I have experience). I told her to touch him. Touch your dead brother. When we went to view my mom’s body in the morgue she had this vein popping at the side of her head – like death had given her a bad migraine. I remember touching that vein. It was cold and hard, like it had solidified, turned to ice. I have never forgotten how it felt and somehow I’m glad I did. I regret touching my grandfather, though. He lay in this long fancy coffin, coiffed in a crisp white shirt and a black suit. Even death couldn’t steal Jackshon’s elegance. Then we buried him as the sun rode west on a cloud of sorrow. I should have touched him. My friend touched her brother on the forehead. She says she has never forgotten the feeling. She won’t regret it. Should death visit you in the coming year (touch wood) you should touch your departed loved ones. I suspect the dead want to be touched in farewell.

A message from our last sponsors of 2016.

Do you know GreenPark housing development along Mombasa Road? The gated community with those fancy houses with long driveways  and clubhouses and gym and green backyard. They have this thing called TBYB (Try Before You Buy) thing where you pay 20K and live in the fully furnished house you plan to buy for four nights. If you like it the amount is deducted from the booking fee. They also have this one called  BOLT where you buy the houses within a period of one to three years on an agreed monthly deposit. The idea is to buy your house in a fixed price over an agreed period of time without having to take a bank mortgage. If you are planning on owning a digs and you want to pay it pole pole over time and not take a massive bank loan, check that out.

http://www.superiorhomes.co.ke/buy-now/bolt/

My best Interview of 2016

I went over to John Sibi Okumu’s home, we sat up in his study in the attic where the roof slanted over us and his hundreds and hundreds of books stared at us from every space on the wall making it some literal colosseum. It’s also there that I saw a stack of VHS tapes after dog years. Intense, windy, accommodating, curt sometimes, and eloquent, Sibi’s interview didn’t even need me. It was lighting a candle during daylight. Sibi was deep and I remember folding my trousers up to the knees and wading through his cerebral and leaving there feeling somewhat unlearned and buzzed with inspiration and bewilderment at how much further I might have to go to get somewhere.

http://www.businessdailyafrica.com/Sibi–the-master-of-many-trades/1248928-3320026-4jpkhmz/index.html

Thank you.

Thanks to Yvonne and Ciku who have edited my rubbish typos here this year. You ladies are a scream. Unfortunately my typos won’t get better next year, so please don’t abandon me. I appreciate your time and skill.

Happy Holidays.

Thank you for coming here every Tuesday. It’s been a real pleasure having you here and reading from you. Not to sound like your mom, but don’t drink and drive. That shit kills people. Get an Uber, makes everybody’s life simpler and safer.

I would like to ask just one question before I pen off. And this is to the guys seated at the front row. There is one question I have been asked constantly by people who read this blog and don’t comment: “What’s the story with that first to comment thing, Biko, they irritate me!” I honestly don’t know either! It’s as baffling to me as it is to you, because it’s not like I give free shaving hampers from Philips for those who comment first.

Could the guys who come here and write “first to comment” tell us today what this is about? And is there a way we can help you guys in 2017 to read first before you jump to comment? The guys seated at the back might sleep better (and stop demanding answers from me). We just want to work together in 2017. How can we do that?

Anyhow, thank you for reading. Stay safe. The last person here should switch off the lights…after reading that is.

See you in 2017. Inshallah.

294 Responses
  • Jeremy
    20.12.2016

    Nice read.. always making my tuesdays




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  • Shie
    20.12.2016

    Nice.




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  • Mercy Iguta
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you too Biko




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  • Ken
    20.12.2016

    How does the final year of 30’s feel like? Well, liberating. There are no more fucks left in my pocket to give, for one. ..

    I like that part. Happy Holidays Jackson.




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    • Njau
      20.12.2016

      He sells them now.




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      • Beatrice
        20.12.2016

        Haha Njau.. you are twisted!!




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      • Juma
        20.12.2016

        Hahaha.Nice one.Biko please sell me some.I have a deficit.




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  • Akumu
    20.12.2016

    See you in 2017 Biko! Inshallah




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  • Francis
    20.12.2016

    Haha awesome
    Moments2016 indeed




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  • PHILIP
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you too




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  • Charity
    20.12.2016

    I was going to type “first to comment” – I have never been by the way (chuckles) but I got a better comment…
    Has been a nice year, Biko, u made every Tuesday tasty..




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  • Mary
    20.12.2016

    Nice read Biko. Happy holidays to you too.




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  • DeBlack
    20.12.2016

    Well, well, well Biko Chocolate Man. It has been a pleasure being in your insightful company in 2016. Pray, may our reading ride continue next year. Happy Holidays.




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  • Judy
    20.12.2016

    Nice Holidays Biko and everyone. My first ever comment here. Great column




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  • Baba alvin
    20.12.2016

    Thank you Biko.Amazing articles as always.Happy holidays to you and your family.




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  • kate
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays!!
    Waiting for more great stories in 2017




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  • lilian
    20.12.2016

    Beautiful summary of 2016. Tell Lthat this too shall pass. He shall look back one day and ask himself, wtf?




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    • Felly
      20.12.2016

      Sure Lilly and the girl in a LBD might come along begging. Karma does her thing




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      • Alex
        01.03.2017

        Trust me Felly,if only you had the full picture of what happened between the girl and her heartbroken boyfriend. You wouldn’t side with biko




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  • Wahito
    20.12.2016

    See you Mr.




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  • Mark
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays.

    https://thispostisabout.wordpress.com




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  • Jewels
    20.12.2016

    Yvonne and Ciku missed an ‘s’ in Fates and Furies, the novel. Can I have their jobs?




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    • bumble bee
      20.12.2016

      Hehehe. You are a sly one.




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      • Jewels
        20.12.2016

        Lol, unga lasima itafutwe




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        • Kimani
          20.12.2016

          Your love for ‘s’ is eminent. It’s Lazima. A good comment though.




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  • @clif_the_tall
    20.12.2016

    ” When he came to, an hour later, I held up a finger in his face and asked, “Kim, is this a finger or a pen?” He said, “Sweet.” This cracked me up a good one.
    2016 has been a good one for sure. This year i personally read some really sad stories that made me feel so sad about life, some made me laugh so hard while others truly inspired me. Looking forward to a better 2017. Wish every gang member a happy festive season. Dear First to comment peeps please leave that demon in 2016. Please. Resist the temptation in 2017.




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    • Njoki M. Kihia
      20.12.2016

      I agree with you @clif_the_tall, some stories were so sad,especially the cancer stories in October. Happy holidays Biko, you made my every Tuesday worth looking forward to.




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      • @clif_the_tall
        20.12.2016

        Exactly.




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    • Nzamsa Ree
      20.12.2016

      Happy Holidays Cliff The Tall. How Tall are you anyway?




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      • @clif_the_tall
        20.12.2016

        just 6’4 only…..Happy holiday to you too Ree.




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        • Mercy
          09.01.2017

          Damn! Alafu ukaongezea ‘only’ smh




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  • Wabushes
    20.12.2016

    second.. I read the post so no explanations




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  • Ythera
    20.12.2016

    Thanks for keeping us entertained this year. And informed, of course. Happy holidays!




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  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    20.12.2016

    “Actually, when you think about it…aw forget it.”; witty line. I think its only fair to tell you my highlight on this blog this year. Mostly it has been a safe ride with good stories from the migwato one you refused to give part two of to the confessions of your unfitness in the Ndakaini marathon. But my best is the Twitter one. Where they stripped your and beat you to pulp over twitter and in pain you found a re-invention. I am no sadist by I was kinda happy they beat you. And FYI (do people still use this is conversations?) we ill still demand answers from you in 2017. That’s how we will work together. Its our things.

    Merry Christmas gang!




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    • bumble bee
      20.12.2016

      Hehehhe.
      I always look forward to your comments.




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      • Naf
        20.12.2016

        hehehe me too. This guy!




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        • val
          12.01.2017

          weird me too. sometimes i stop reading once i get his comments




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    • hahaha…Loved the High Court of Twitter story too. It’s lovely to apologize but I think Biko should grow thick crocodile skin, and fight back in such instances.
      The trolls who have a habit of lynching some American travel blogger friends of mine, make what KOT do look like child’s play, but there are no apologies or retractions, they get fire thrown right back into their laps.
      Personally, I loved the travel posts, the Kisumu ones (nostalgia) and I enjoyed the Sudan one (man of men), makes me want to visit.




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    • TheBlackKennedy
      21.12.2016

      Kumbe Wesh ako na mafans pia….
      You should write prologues for the blog then…..




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  • abdullah omar
    20.12.2016

    in shall Allah,the pundits say.we shall not abandon you.




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  • bumble bee
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you to biko. Love to tash Kim and the Mrs.
    Have a great year coming on.




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  • Thogo
    20.12.2016

    happy holidays!




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  • Ciru
    20.12.2016

    See you in 2017. Wait isn’t there still one Tuesday left in the year. Anyway Happy holidays. Needed to ask; did you raise enough for the Pokot girls?




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    • makobu
      20.12.2016

      For the girls in Pokot!




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      • Murgori
        20.12.2016

        It’s not necessary!




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      • Ciru
        20.12.2016

        Thanks.Chocolate man do you give free shaving hampers to grammar trolls




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    • Nikiwe
      20.12.2016

      i would also love to know that and the progress so far.3 articles touched my heart this year.this is one of them




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  • Gamsley
    20.12.2016

    The highs and the valleys low, the xperiences of riding through the literal world through your lenses, always a pleasure….

    Blessed joy

    Inshallah




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  • Francis
    20.12.2016

    Great read! Been an awesome year for real! 2017, we’re going bigger. And that first to comment thingy, it just tickles them to be the first to do so. You overcome it with time, you know, growing up. Anyway, inshallah Chocolate Man, it’s been real.




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  • bundipat
    20.12.2016

    Great read as always biko,merry Christmas and happy new 2017




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  • Gladwell
    20.12.2016

    Niiiice.is this the last article of the year.just asking thank you




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  • Sylvia
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you Biko. Nice read as always.




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  • Vincent
    20.12.2016

    So next Tuesday on 27th hakuna article? Am commencing legal proceedings against you Biko. Nice read though




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    • makobu
      20.12.2016

      I am or I’m!




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      • Vincent
        20.12.2016

        We are on holidays hence allowed to make some typos, find some kids to play with mate




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  • Gakii
    20.12.2016

    Yvonne & Ciku: Were it not for you, I wouldn’t be with Biks. You, ensure they stay!




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  • pauline
    20.12.2016

    I touched my dead sister. I almost kissed her cold forehead was it not for the morgue guys..and I don’t regret it. best way to bid the dead.
    her and I loved your articles in 2016. I’ve been left, but see you in 2017!!




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  • Roney
    20.12.2016

    Set Links to open in New Tabs, in 2017. Nice read and shares.




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  • Cynthia A
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you and yours Biko.Thank you for always adding flavor to my Tuesdays. I’m one of those at the back that would sleep better once I get the logic of the “first” comment.




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  • Mimmo
    20.12.2016

    thanks Biko for entertaining us throughout the year.i can say you’ve truly changed my perception on how I view life.as for the guy your mentoring tell him not to loose hope,there are some women who are still willing to start with someone from the bottom,,,including yours trully,anyway merry Christmas gang,,wish you all a happy new year.




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  • Lorna
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you too Biko,you make me look at life with a different perspective, always.




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  • Charity
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays and thank you for making Tuesdays Tasty.




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  • kelly
    20.12.2016

    I never comment.Hats off for the almighty,as for mr.L-you will be fine.some of us have been where you are.it isnt pretty but that’s your mine-stories that matter are learnt and written here!As for me my writting excuses end this year.Happy holidays




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  • Mary
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holiday Jackson.




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  • Nick
    20.12.2016

    Tuesdays have never been better without you, you’ve kept us thinking, tickled us, and made the ladies shed a tear and men to suck it up like we always do, it has been wonderful, it has been real, it has been inspirational. May 2017 be better and funnier. Kisumu says erokamano jayadha :-l




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  • Nikiwe
    20.12.2016

    2016 has been wonderful in terms of reporting here every Tuesdays to read you Biko. thank you.Happy happy holidays and God will us to meet again in 2017.Bless you Biko and the Gang herein




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  • Kadonye
    20.12.2016

    As always Biko, thank you for making our Tuesdays brighter and for sharing your gift with us. Uzidi kuonekaniwa




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  • Lily
    20.12.2016

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to the ‘chocolate man’ and his family.




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  • Lydia Abiero
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holidays Biko. Be safe. See you in 2017!




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  • Joseph Gathemia
    20.12.2016

    Biko, sometime this year you were doing something with Ecobank to enable Tamms go outside the country( can’t remember the exact destination) did that happen?




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  • feli
    20.12.2016

    There are no more fucks left in my pocket to give,
    for one”. This reminded me of an article online called. The
    subtle art of not giving a fuck… Am just getting
    in my thirty and am progressively learning there are
    things I give a fuck about that are just not worthy it.
    Happy holidays Biko.




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    • Elvis
      20.12.2016

      The last paragraph on the article was just awesome
      Then one day, on our deathbed, (hopefully) surrounded by the people we gave the majority of our fucks to throughout our life, and those few who still give a fuck about us, with a silent gasp we will gently let our last fuck go. Through the tears and the gently fading beeps of the heart monitor and the ever-dimming fluorescence encapsulating us in its divine hospital halo, we drift into some unknowable and unfuckable place




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  • Severinah
    20.12.2016

    Thank you Biko.Happy Holidays to you and your Fam.




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  • Chivalry
    20.12.2016

    Bonne Noel tout le monde




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  • Eunice Fwaya
    20.12.2016

    It’s fun. Commenting first on bikozulu’s articles gives you a false sense of achievement. Thing is, you have commented first. It’s like when kids race and whoever is number one is all up with excitement. It’s just having fun. I also look forward to commenting first then reading later. Patiently waiting for my day. For those who wish to comment first, please continue. Who knows? maybe some day a prize may come




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  • Miriam
    20.12.2016

    finally!! thanks for calling out the “first comment” phenomena that sh*t can be destructing to your informative yet funny posts anyway thanks for being a bright spot on my melancholy tuesdays so see you in 2017…..maybe i’ll comment more, now that the first commenters will be gone.




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  • Karimi
    20.12.2016

    still stuck at the naked pizza hihihi happy holidays to everyone




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  • churchill salmon
    20.12.2016

    Such a nice piece Biko…..




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  • QS Vosty
    20.12.2016

    About your guy,I was in a similar situation. laptop crushed,phone crushed,no job,and alone. That was the beginning of this year. Things are much better now. Way better.Be hopeful always. It could all change with a phone call. Happy holidays biko




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  • Bitu
    20.12.2016

    2017 it is! Happy holidays Biko, and thank you to for making our Tuesdays.




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  • James
    20.12.2016

    Its been a pleasure @Biko. Happy holidays, merry Christmas




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  • Ben
    20.12.2016

    Now what about next Tuesday Biko? It’s been an amazing year with you. Have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year




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  • Murgori
    20.12.2016

    This comment is for your mentee. He will rise from the dark place and when he does, he will find that he is a stronger human being that can handle almost everything thrown at him.
    Happy to you mentee.




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  • Josy
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you and yours




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  • Mak'Omondi
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holidays to Biko and The Gang!




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  • Lucyline Riungu
    20.12.2016

    Peace out!! See you in 2017..Inshallah!!




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  • Karwitha
    20.12.2016

    Thank you for the fun ride. Looking forward to an even better 2017.




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  • Evans okoo
    20.12.2016

    Nice one Biko.merry Xmass and happy new year




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  • Margaret Obuya
    20.12.2016

    Lovely piece as usual Biko. Merry Christmas to you and to your loved ones.




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  • Jaaky Waikinda
    20.12.2016

    ‘last to comment ‘…I always look forward to your reads.. Very interesting articles.
    See you in 2017-Biko my birthday is on 3rd Jan.. Kindly make my Tuesday then.. First Tuesday of the year.




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  • Beatrice
    20.12.2016

    A Compelling read as always Chocolate man…This is my mantra for 2017 “There are no more fucks left in my pocket to give” Happy Holidays!!




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  • Maurice
    20.12.2016

    Busted. I’m one of the front seaters eager to comment first but always beaten into it by those who hold vigils ion Monday night. Merry Christmas Chocolate Man’s gang




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  • EVANS OLOO
    20.12.2016

    Nice one mate




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  • Judy
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko




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  • kamau kiboro
    20.12.2016

    My week starts on a Tuesday and it is iced by your articles, it is the emotions from the stories that make me refresh my emails to see if there is a new pop up. Thanks a lot and happy holidays to you, fam and the gang.




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  • Ythera
    20.12.2016

    JSO is absolutely fantastic. I remember him from the Zain Africa Challenge days. He’s a behemoth. Biko say hi to him when you talk to him next.




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  • DMM
    20.12.2016

    Can I switch off the lights? Merry christmas and Happy new year as you turn 40.




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  • James
    20.12.2016

    2016 i remember the Tuesday you didn’t write. I almost thought you went to the Island you once wrote about and left your phone on a rock




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  • Pinchez
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays, am one of the guys who are always for Tuesday but never comment




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  • Pinchez
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays, am one of the guys who are always eagerly waiting for Tuesdays but never comment




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  • Mweresa
    20.12.2016

    Coitus interruptus doesnt work?Sh*t




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  • Ivy
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays chocolate man,may you come back darker and creamier next year.We love you man,you rock:)




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  • MM
    20.12.2016

    I just turned 30 two months ago! So excited, full of the space that the fucks I left in my 20’s had left. But then too soon I’ve realised that the 30’s come with some serious insecurities! Thanks for the consolation chocolate man. I thought Ie was alone




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  • Bacchus
    20.12.2016

    I haven’t checked but don’t we have one more Tuesday before 2016 hurtles off the cliff? Thank you. Read every single article you penned in 2016.
    Oh, you used inshallah twice. Before you ask why this is important to note, it’s irrelevant.




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    • Dk
      20.12.2016

      That part about using Inshallah twice and its irrelevance..ha haa smart!




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  • Murugi
    20.12.2016

    happy holidays Biko we look forward to next year’s Tuesdays it has been awesome,scary,sad,joyful this is some of the emotions your stories have aroused this year




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  • Mimi Simjui
    20.12.2016

    Well….. She can kiss my ass. Niice.




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  • Blessed Betty Juma
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays…..nice read




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  • Wuod-ma
    20.12.2016

    After reading for a whole year it is only fair that I drop a comment. Thanks Biko for the many words and gang for the company.
    Happy festive season. Looking forward to 2017.




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  • Jenni
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you Biko and your family.
    I never thought I’d make it to the end of 2016, its been a traumatic year, but here I am by the grace of God.
    Tell your mentee that the sun will rise and better days are ahead.
    My Tuesdays are made of you and your awesome articles (humor galore and heartbreaking moments too).
    Looking forward to 2017!
    And to the gang, thanks for staying loyal, happy holidays too!




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  • AFRICAN
    20.12.2016

    This is underwhelming. I mean really. I was looking forward to this post the whole week. I feel shortchangeD.




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  • andy
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holiday Mr. Biko. See you then Majaariwa.




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  • Ivaline
    20.12.2016

    Thanks for sharing your world. I cried, laughed, giggled and learnt alot through out the year. Happy holidays




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  • Nita
    20.12.2016

    bikozulu.co.ke makes my Tuesdays feel like Fridays..Thank you CM and Merry Christmas




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  • Dyshaun
    20.12.2016

    Crisis of a 28th-year old mmmh!!!….could life be transforming at this age bracket? Could L read my best writing 2016 of “From The Hole And Long Post about Life”? This gotta be my highlight. Happy Holiday to Biko and the gangs !! Inshallah 2017!!!




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    • Lipesa Wanyonyi
      20.12.2016

      That was celestial! It was the oracles speaking…




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  • smooth
    20.12.2016

    Thanks for sharing with us every Tuesday, it has been an amazing year. Happy holidays Biko and Mam Pendo!




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  • Patricia Ogaya
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holidays Biko, from the back seat….




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  • Jerome Onyango
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays gang




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  • GITHOGORI
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you too
    Next year Inshallah




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  • joy karani
    20.12.2016

    Truly it has been a good year .The articles very inspiring from sad to happy to helping moments .Happy holidays gang ..




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  • Kami
    20.12.2016

    Looking forward to 2017 Tuesdays where I get into your thoughts, mind and heart over and over again. Merry Christmas to you and everyone else here, and have a Wonderful and Blessed 2017!




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  • Felly
    20.12.2016

    Couldnt be the first to comment….but then Biko…oh asante for the Tip on half detox ….i lost a few kilos and i have it back by now . Please do an article on diet and exercise discipline. The gurus should assist the amaetuers.
    Next tuesday is a public holiday never the less one more post from here could complete 2016 in a swagg

    Happy holidays Gang

    And blogs should have a ‘likes’ section.




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  • Njambi
    20.12.2016

    The Okumu part -I would date that guys brain.




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  • EveKyungu
    20.12.2016

    When he came to, an hour later, I held up a finger in his face and asked, “Kim, is this a finger or a pen?” He said, “Sweet.”This is just too hilarious, u have made my day.Happy holidays Biko!




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  • Mtunguyaz
    20.12.2016

    Connect me with the humble smart writer. Seriously, I can make the shoddy gal in a black dress want to return when she spots his Range in 2017. 29 is not a bad year to own a first guzzler, and a remorseful ex, you don’t wanna see too.




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    • Mtunguyaz
      20.12.2016

      Its an opportunity for a brilliant writer. Just that. You can pass him my email.




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  • rach
    20.12.2016

    Always nice to read but i now know you read our comments after you mention “1st to comment thing”
    happy holidays . we wait for more interesting reads in 2017. I must say , some writtings you do are just to have your work done.




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  • No1
    20.12.2016

    “Should death visit you in the coming year (touch wood) you should touch your departed loved ones. I suspect the dead want to be touched in farewell.” Feels like a ouch to the gut that I never got to do that for my brother…




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  • Merci
    20.12.2016

    Merry Christmas and Happy new year Biko. I keep being hopeful, maybe 2017 is the year we will get your short stories book. Guard your daughter well, it’s a calling for every Dad.




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  • pauline
    20.12.2016

    merry christmas




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  • Mathew
    20.12.2016

    And so if the top is off, is it naked? Does pizza have boobs? And why are other pizzas not getting naked?
    Haha, always a good read. Happy Holidays Biko see you in 2017 Inshallah




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  • Lorraine
    20.12.2016

    To your mentee,yes he needs to pray and believe.
    That was me last year but now things have changed.
    God is faithful and for sure things will look up for him.
    Biko,shukran for all the stories that encourage and enlighten us.




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  • Nyambura
    20.12.2016

    Thank you so much Biko. It has been more than a great pleasure seeing the world through your eyes again this year. Merry Christmas and a happy, prosperous 2017




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  • Felix Abur
    20.12.2016

    That guy you’re mentoring sounds like it might be me, except I’m a lot older, lol. I’ve been tempted a few times to join the “first to comment” fray but let’s all agree it’s stupid. Especially if you jumped to comment without reading. Happy holidays to you too Biko, and all your faithful readers plus the casual passersby




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  • Joylette
    20.12.2016

    happiest holidays Biko,stay safe too.Always looking forward to Tues,in 2017,try make it twice a week,hehe




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  • Kui
    20.12.2016

    It’s been a great year Biko thanks for always bringing Tuesday laughter and sometimes tears! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!




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  • Betty
    20.12.2016

    Inshallah Biko Alhamdulillahi.
    One request from me though. I wish I could get all these memes in a book. i promise I will cherish it dearly. I am not that old but i still live the smell of paper yawa.
    Merry Christmass and a blessed year 2017.

    Betty Okere




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  • kelvin
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you chocolate man. And ohh..I saw you this year. May the Lord of Abraham continue having your back come 2017




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  • Your mentee should chin up. It’s not the end of the world, things will look better as long as he keeps trying,
    Those who say ‘Life begins at 40’ were right. You learn not to sweat out the small stuff.
    May you and your family enjoy the Saviour’s love this Christmas. Have a prosperous 2017!




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  • Jay Jey
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays! It’s been a pleasure
    reading, captivating, and atimes
    emotional.




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  • Hawii
    20.12.2016

    Happy holiday Biko,and the rest. Inshallah!




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  • IRENE
    20.12.2016

    cheers Biko, what a refreshing read for the end of 2016. yaani you won’t write next week on 27th…………….even 2 paragraphs?




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  • Kash
    20.12.2016

    In shaa Allah 🙂




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  • Charity
    20.12.2016

    See you in 2017




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  • Rael
    20.12.2016

    This here is a feeling that we can’t explain “There is one question I have been asked constantly by people who read this blog and don’t comment: “What’s the story with that first to comment thing, Biko, they irritate me!” A recommendation to those asking is to try be the first people to comment, then they will experience it. Happy holidays Biko




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  • Kevin Makori
    20.12.2016

    Thank you Chocolate Man for giving us a glimpse into your insightful world. I wanna be you when I grow up, Merry Christmas and an even more blessed 2017!




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  • Roselyne
    20.12.2016

    *Switches off the lights*. Happy holidays good people and this sure, fathers will only want to touch things in surgery. So I went down and googled “risks of anaesthesia” and the first thing that popped up was, “Anaesthesia may harm children’s brains.” So I stopped. When he came to, an hour later, I held up a finger in his face and asked, “Kim, is this a finger or a pen?” He said, “Sweet.” got me on the floor,lol




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  • Josephine
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko. Thank you for making my Tuesday mornings feel alive.




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  • Kate
    20.12.2016

    But there is a whole Tuesday left in this year, Biko? What did 27th ever do to you for you to act like it doesn’t exist?! It just wants to be loved and recognised as a Tuesday for crying out loud. Because not everyone gets to be the last Tuesday of the year! Acknowledge it Biko!




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  • Mukami Kathambara
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko!I wonder if we’ll be on the same flight again 🙂 This time I will certainly say hallo, and confirm if that forehead really exists. Thanks for making me look forward to Tuesdays.




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  • James
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays old man.




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  • Edna ednaouma@gmail.com
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays to you too Biko.See you in 2017




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  • lrange
    20.12.2016

    My best story was the clot in your leg story! Cracked me up a good one!! Cheers Jackson bless you for the amazing stories and also the tear jerking ones!




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  • Kenyan Lawyer
    20.12.2016

    NICE




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  • siria
    20.12.2016

    nice read, have a blessed holiday season Biko.




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  • Nzamsa Ree
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holidays Biko




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  • Kyengo "CK
    20.12.2016

    I have gone to the brink, literally (couple broken teeth, sex with strangers, I don’t remember how I get home half the time e.t.c.), and I want to quit. Nay, am determined
    to quit. “Pour Me A Life” will see me through. Inshallah.




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  • Redempta Bisangwa
    20.12.2016

    When he came to, an hour later, I held up a finger in his face and asked, “Kim, is this a finger or a pen?” He said, “Sweet.” I had a good laugh on this one.
    Thank you for making my hard 2016 worthwhile through your interesting articles,had generally good time laughing at almost everything written(okay of course not the sad stories) May the guy your are mentoring find peace, joy and blessings in the year 2017.

    Happy holidays to you and your family Biko , happy holidays to the rest of us, blessings upon blessings as we end the year 2016 and prepare for an excellent 2017.

    NB:Hahahahaha the people that write: i am the first to comment should come on here and give us an explanation.




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  • Geoff
    20.12.2016

    My highlight of the year is discovering this blog..Its being a rollercoaster and I enjoyed every read.Looking forward to more gems in the coming year.




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  • Ann
    20.12.2016

    As always,nice read! Happy holidays




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  • Maureen
    20.12.2016

    I thought the “oh high court of twitter” article would make the list… No?. Happy holidays chocolate man




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    • Kisenya Jesse
      20.12.2016

      I know, right? LOL




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  • Kamami
    20.12.2016

    Never had a boring tuesday after I discovered you Biko, some articles have been soul searching,others I needed a handkerchief to dry the tears,some inspiration,got laughter..Happy holidays




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  • Edwin
    20.12.2016

    Cheers, hoping to be able to afford writing master class next edition.




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  • JK
    20.12.2016

    Seasons greetings and all the best for 2017




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  • Linda Musimbi
    20.12.2016

    This year has been quite hard for me too. I had never imagined that at 24, I would be jobless and still living at home with my parents. I wish I had it any other way, and at 24, you still have many fucks to give…lol!Hope things will be better next year though. I have really loved your writing this year, Tamm’s Diary being the best so far. Plus I hope wherever Enid is still, she is still going strong




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  • Kisenya Jesse
    20.12.2016

    There is one question I have been asked constantly by people who read this blog and don’t comment: “What’s the story with that first to comment thing, Biko, they irritate me!” I honestly don’t know either! It’s as baffling to me as it is to you, because it’s not like I give free shaving hampers from Philips for those who comment first.” <—- This one LOL. Happy holidays to you Biko and the gang! Stay safe, we need each other in 2017.




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  • Lynet
    20.12.2016

    Aren’t you gonna write next week, Biko?




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  • Amani
    20.12.2016

    hiBiko. I still cant forget the stories you wrote in October. stories about real people. stories of death. cancer. heartbreak. resilience. adversity. how you told those stories inspired me a lot. thats why in 2017, i plan to enroll in a story telling course, and hopefully thereafter tell real stories about real people. see you in 2017. Merry Christmas and happy new year Biko.




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  • Chela
    20.12.2016

    Corridor lights out…. a few more bulbs still on though! Happy holidays Biko.




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  • IceBreaker
    20.12.2016

    Thanks for sharing your moments of 2016. I wish your mentee all the best in the nearest future.Merry Christmas and a happy new year to everyone.




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  • Wachuka Wambugu
    20.12.2016

    I bet I will be the one to switch off the lights




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  • joseph kim
    20.12.2016

    Tuesday articles have always been a delight.Happy Holidays Biko




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  • nelly
    20.12.2016

    I would really love to read a post on the Mrs one day Biko.. New year’s wish.
    Otherwise,(hehe, typical Kenyan!)It has been a great year for the gang as you have inspired, entertained and enlightened us. Keep it up Chocolate man, some of us look up to you.




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  • Yobesh Onsomu
    20.12.2016

    Inshallah Biko.Happy Holidays too.




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  • Dreamchaser
    20.12.2016

    Guess today is as good as any other day for this back bencher to try and make it to the front row. Discovered you this year and already a Gang life member. To the 28 year old, keep the faith, stay the course and keep this thought in mind, when you are a famous writer like chocolate man, she will curse her lack of foresight.Most of us learnt to succeed from failing so many times. Take it from someone who not so long ago considered herself a total failure just because life didn’t follow the beaten path. The great ones are meant to beat their own paths. Merry Christmas gang and a prosperous 2017




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  • American height
    20.12.2016

    Thanks Biko for always making us look forward to Tuesdays. Happy holidays to you and your fam. See you in 2017. You’ve been truly amazing this year! Bless you




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  • sherie
    20.12.2016

    lights off now people.assuming im the last here :/




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  • Mumbi Muchiri
    20.12.2016

    Naked pizza… even I didn’t know that one!!!
    Happy Holidays Chocolate Man and may your new year be better than this year!
    You have made my Tuesdays… and tell your mentee to keep his head up!!!




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  • Ooga Tony
    20.12.2016

    Nice read as usual Biko, Merry Christmas and prosperous 2017.




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  • fl
    20.12.2016

    to you too…
    ps…eating alone is not stark. I have done it/ still do it everyday since 2009…




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  • sharl
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holidays to you and your family Biko. Thank you for giving us something to look
    forward to every Tuesday.




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  • Black Parrot
    20.12.2016

    happy holidays old man, you illuminated our Tuesdays… and a great rundown for the year that was (am I allowed to say that?) PS don’t choke on chapo we need you in 2017!




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  • Dawn
    20.12.2016

    Thank you for making us look forward to Tuesdays, for changing people’s lives in ways you might never know and for being Real.
    Next year, what about writing more about Tamms and Kim? They make such refreshing writing! And maybe the missus here and there…
    Happy holidays! Wish you a happier and fulfilling 2017!




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  • samuel oloo
    20.12.2016

    On the issue of whether your baby saw a finger or a pen, he was right. Come to think of it. What do they like sucking even when you forbid them; fingers of course! Could be a form of sweet to them.
    BTW C-Man,today, I just knocked off my last year on the third floor(sic) as well. Raring to step onto the fourth. Do ask me how it feels;I should know. Happy holidays and keep fam safe. Baraka tele.




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  • Ms. Kadzo
    20.12.2016

    Biko, thanks for keeping me reading in 2016 and am looking forward to a fruitful 2017. Happy holidays everyone. For those traveling don’t be quite if you are being driven carelessly. PEACE ✌




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  • Ri
    20.12.2016

    And those ‘first to comment’ guys disappeared today.Happy holidays BikoFamily. This may sound wierd but we should have a ‘meet and greet’ party for the enthusiats at least if not membership numbers!!




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  • Nyabuti Valentine
    20.12.2016

    I loved Sibi’s interview




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    • Charles Kagana
      20.12.2016

      ‘You taught, but what did the world teach you?’ No wonder JSO doesn’t grant interviews to rubbish journalists.




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  • Jamy
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays.4th floor sounds like a good place. Hope to see it Inshallah




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  • Njagi
    20.12.2016

    Isn’t this where Biko comments after every comment?




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  • Carol Ohonde
    20.12.2016

    Blessed Christmas and a happy prosperous new year to you and yours!




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  • Charles Kagana
    20.12.2016

    Hang in there, L., just hang in there. It may be dark right now, but towards morning, dawn will break and then the sun will shine. We must never let ourselves be scorned by those who have given less than us.




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  • Simotien
    20.12.2016

    Can’t be thankfull enough for this year. The start was gloomy but it all brightened with time. L, keep your chin up, with each sunrise you have a fresh start. Thank you Biko for the Tuesday treats. And to the Gang, cheers and Inshallah.




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  • jackline
    20.12.2016

    i loved reading your stories every Tuesdays, I enjoyed reading true love
    magazines last page from the salon under the drier.
    looking forward to more laughter and inspiration from you in 2017.
    enjoy your holidays all




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  • Khimani
    20.12.2016

    The Story about your mentee takes me back to my first heartbreak at 24…I was jobless,Poor,hungry,ugly (people look like shit when broke ), In cheap mitumbas and living in a small single room in Dandora without electricity.
    My girlfriend of several months made an impromptu visit,I never wanted her to.. she just wanted to unveil this boyfriend…

    A week later…she told me she wasn’t that serious with a relationship,and I am a good man..”its not about you,its me”..she lied ..I knew it,we both knew why..I was too broke.

    She lifted the veil of innocence from my eyes and am thankful she broke my heart at 23,I have seen my friends tread the path at 33,or 35..and it’s devastating.

    Good thing with being heartbroken while broke is,..You heal both maladies at the same time..bad thing is,you will never forget people are mean and it’s easy to become heartless too and even when you make it, you will always see people as fake..they are with you because you have something.
    Tell the guy that’s a path most of us have used,and we became better (or worse) human beings..it does definitely change you,..You’ll never see the world the same again,..he will literally understand the saying..”We see the world as we are,not as it is”.




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    • Kimani
      01.03.2017

      Not all girls are after money my friend….if only you knew this girl like i do….Biko should be kind enough and tell her side of the story….yes Biko tell us how your mentee was the woman and the relationship and how the ‘girl’ helped him with bills such as rent etc etc




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  • June
    20.12.2016

    I have enjoyed every word you have penned this year.may your forehead keep growing so it can churn out more:-) happy holidays




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  • Delphin
    20.12.2016

    Happy Holidays Biko! God bless ☺




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  • Bree
    20.12.2016

    And lets do this again in 2017 🙂 Happy holidays gang.. (Esp those of us who have never bothered to be the first to comment!!! :)) May 2017 bring with it more ambition… Cheers 🙂




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  • June
    20.12.2016

    The last person here should switch off the lights. Happy holidays Biko, blessed 2017




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  • Joy Ruguru
    20.12.2016

    The guys at the back have also had a wonderful year because of this blog. Thank you




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  • Mahugus
    20.12.2016

    Lights out… Happy holidays people.




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  • Bamdogo
    20.12.2016

    It has always been a pleasure for me coming here every Tuesday, it has been entertaining and fun to read, looking forward to a better 2017,happy holidays Biko, stay safe, we need more stories




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  • Gamal
    20.12.2016

    from the back. lights out




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  • marits
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays everybody. Lights Off.




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  • Brenda
    20.12.2016

    I always look forward to Tuesdays. Thank you for the amazing articles Biko. Happy holidays. See you in 2017!




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  • TheBlackKennedy
    20.12.2016

    ” There is nothing as stark as eating alone, everyday. ”

    I TOTALLY AGREE….




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  • Dorothy Maingi
    20.12.2016

    Of the departed…..I wish I touched my dad’s forehead, but he looked so real and full of life I was afraid to never let go,now I know better. Thank you Biko for the stories,you inspired and entertained me,I am a better person because of you,may God expand your boundaries and increase your wisdom, happy holidays the gang,you all are a wonderful family *lights off*




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    • Shi
      22.12.2016

      Me too. I wish i had touched my late dad too. Didn’t realise that it’s a thing. Now i know better too.




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  • Denis
    20.12.2016

    Happy holidays ….

    At last……

    *Light off*




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  • Sam le grand
    21.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko.looking foward to reading from you in the new year.




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  • Abdullah omar
    21.12.2016

    Thank you for the introduction to A.A.Gill RIP am ravenous!




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  • kioi
    21.12.2016

    Even in the dark we can still wish biko and the gang happy holidays.Awesome read as always.




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  • Aniam
    21.12.2016

    I have always been looking forward to your articles very Tuesday,happy holidays.




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  • David Kamau
    21.12.2016

    Cat boy from PJ Mask, I know the feeling




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  • Wamrose
    21.12.2016

    For me 2016 started at a relatively low note. I was jobless and I was struggling to pay rent let alone feed myself and kid sister. Came June 2016, I got a job with a very reputable company and the package is amazing. Fast forward to three months ago, my then boyfriend of three years told me he was coming to visit and I got excited and started celebrated 2016 as the year that was meant to be. He came to Kenya on the last week of November and everything was perfect. We went to Diani, did all the things tourist do and I knew he was going to propose to me. On our last night in Diani, he woke me up at 2am and said he wanted to talk. In my head I was thinking this is it, he is going to ask me to marry him. little did I know he was breaking up with me, apparently he has been having doubts about the relationships and he feels it would not work.
    In conclusion i am stuck listening to Adele and Celine Dion and I cant stand my own company.
    I have decided to work myself to death and i wish the holiday seasons would just disappear or end soon.




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  • Blair
    21.12.2016

    For three Years in a row, this is the article that got all our comments replied to,
    except it looks likes chocolate “homme de chocolat” decided to switch the lights off himself before we got in…
    Biko, where are our replies this year?? Happy Holidays Gang!




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  • Joe Kamau
    21.12.2016

    A friend recommended this blog to me only a month ago. So far, so good.I like It.
    Well done Biko.




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  • lucy
    21.12.2016

    happy holidays everyone

    * light off *
    holiday mood activated




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  • doree
    21.12.2016

    happy holidays gang…joined you this year. and it has been a great journey..
    Biko…nice reads all through… one can read reread the same stuff all through!!
    see you then




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  • Wanjuhi
    21.12.2016

    Gang, see you in 2017!! It’s been a blast reading all the fabulous articles and comments in 2016. Happy Holidays!!




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  • Benji
    21.12.2016

    Please tell L that he is gonna be fine, and stronger…with time. Thanks Biko for being an additional source of knowledge and entertainment. Happy holidays to your forehead and the whole family.




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  • Rosemary
    21.12.2016

    Thanks Biko for being part of my sunshine in 2016. Merry Xmas to you and your family. Here is toasting to an inspiring 2017….Cheers!




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  • Carole
    21.12.2016

    Thanks Biko for 2016. Any update on Jane at KNH?




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  • Beckyk
    21.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko .looking forward to 2017




    0
  • Don
    22.12.2016

    ……praying and
    beating another egg on a weak fire of waning hope. He
    eats alone…… cool!!!




    0
    • Don
      22.12.2016

      the literature that is not the poor guy’s misery




      0
  • Izzo
    22.12.2016

    Am I the last one here? If so lights are off! See you all in 2017. Stay safe and pray for our country!




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  • Anne
    22.12.2016

    Where are all the comments??




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  • Qui
    22.12.2016

    Happy Holidays Biko! Your blogs have been very refreshing. Looking forward to reading more from you in 2017.Cheers!




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  • Mwakisha Makoko
    22.12.2016

    Happy Holidays to you too Biko I really enjoyed this year cause I got to read all your articles, from the start. I have soo many favourites but the one that I won’t forget is the one where you went to Taita for the safaricom callender, I am from Taita and I felt for you especially having to brace the chilly morning to go take sunrise photos and then the guy decides they ain’t worth submitting, am actually surprised you guys didn’t shove him off the cliff hehehe!




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  • Dexterous
    22.12.2016

    For a moment I thought you were writing about me, Biko. Why? Because my similar to that of the guy in this story. Stagnant, desperate and frustrated. But hopefuly determined and prayerful. Like him, 2016 has been the worst year of my adult life, alone and aching. But then i’ll keep pursuing what av always wanted to pursue, am optimistic I’ll start doing what av always wanted to do, what av always been passionate about: writing.
    So as we bid farewell to 2016, we look forward to a better, promising 2017. One we’ll definately call our year. Thanx for the encouragement, Biko. I hope perhaps I’ll get to meet this guy one and we’ll come back with a truimphant testimony. Happy holidays, Biko.




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  • Modise
    22.12.2016

    I held my dads hand while he was taking his last breath on the 15th of April some mimutes to 1am…i will live wth that forever




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  • Shi
    22.12.2016

    “Should death visit you in the coming year (touch wood) you should touch your departed loved ones. I suspect the dead want to be touched in farewell.”

    I regret not touching my late father lying in the morgue years ago. I didn’t realize it was a ‘thing’.

    Thanks Biko. It’s been a good year.




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    • Aisha
      15.01.2017

      There’s no need for regrets and I don’t think it’s a ‘thing’ now just because Biko said so…




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  • Susan
    22.12.2016

    I can relate. Early this month I was gonna throw in the towel in a relationship and on the same day I read my star, I never ever read that section of the newspaper! Guess what I read “things may seem quite tough at the moment but hung in there as the future looks good…..”. Anyway thanks Biko for making my Tuesdays in 2016, I laughed, I cried, I shivered etc. Happy holidays and may God bless you, Mrs, Tamms and Kim. Nimezima lights.




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  • Aly
    22.12.2016

    It’s been a year with great ‘highs’ and crushing ‘lows’, but this has always been my comfort spot(blog), here’s to a happier 2017. Happy holidays gang.
    Lights out!




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  • Milka
    22.12.2016

    Waving bye to you as the sun sets behind me. It’s been a good year. See you in 2017! Baraka.




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  • Kevin
    22.12.2016

    Absolutely amazing read as always. I hope Kim finally realised the finger was not a sweet after all hehe.
    Happy holiday to you Biko, the family and every High School member. May the new year bring you all more joy, blessings and fulfillment. Cheers!




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  • Njooro
    22.12.2016

    It’s been a good year. We’ve gone places and had fun. Let’s toast to a New and even better year. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year Gang.




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  • Noureen
    22.12.2016

    Not first to comment
    I like your out look…cheers to a better 2017.




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  • Patricia
    22.12.2016

    lights out!!!! Confirmed From the back bench




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  • Biegon
    23.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko and gang.lights off. See you 2017.




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  • Peter
    23.12.2016

    This is to you, L. Take heart. Hustle like crazy and believe 2017 has better tidings for you. I don’t know this for sure but I also believe hearts heal. Take the pain, betrayal, anguish, frustration and helplessness and transform them into a source of inspiration. Focus. Love yourself and hit the road, brother. Let the that image of her in that black dress be a reminder of what it feels like to be left because you don’t have it figured out. Then grind. Do all it takes to uphold your integrity and manly dignity by all means. It might be rough and you might still be thinking about her 6 months later, but don’t let anyone make you feel inadequate again. And keep praying that your heart won’t turn into a stone that can never love fully. Pray that one day you’ll be able to love fiercely, selflessly and vulnerably. But for now, you need some money. Someday I hope to hear a story on how you recovered and rose again




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  • Mimi
    23.12.2016

    Last to comment. I switched have switched off the lights




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  • Mimi
    23.12.2016

    Last to comment. I have switched off the lights.




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  • Virgy
    23.12.2016

    Nice read Biko,,,happy holidays to you




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  • Bad One
    23.12.2016

    There are no more fucks left in my pocket to give. I just read that readers don’t like first to comment. Last to comment as i switch off the lights.




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  • verohnjuru
    23.12.2016

    Thank you for making me smile and sometimes repressing laughter that eventually came out loud every Tuesday. it is always refreshing. happy holidays!!




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  • kish
    23.12.2016

    happy holidays all. Be safe




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  • Kimutai
    23.12.2016

    thx for the posts, enjoy your holidays, been a while lets catch up in the New Year.




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  • Annette
    24.12.2016

    Switching off the lights. In this context, cerebrum would apply better, as opposed to cerebral, unless you meant cerebellum, Ciku and Yvonne kindly look those up….anyway
    Happy holidays chocolate man and gang




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  • Dee
    24.12.2016

    Another great article. I have had a blast of year and learnt alot.There is a Podcast based in South Africa that I have been listening to this year.Very helpful and motivating, you guys should check it http://bit.ly/2h75Pto.
    Enjoy holidays everyone.




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  • Igecha Eric
    24.12.2016

    Yaaay……I’m the last to comment. Nobody dare take the crown from me 🙂




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  • Naitore
    25.12.2016

    It’s 25th Christmas Day..and I am on the road to be with Family, was wondering what to do for the next 2hrs,then I remembered that Chocolate man got my back. Happy Holidays Biko.




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  • Kay
    25.12.2016

    Happy holidays Biko.
    P.s maybe its called Nkaed pizza because its morally wrong to just be “healthy” pizza it’s been striped of its dignity of being a regular fatty cheesy unhealthy artery clogging deliciousness




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  • ken kimeu
    26.12.2016

    nimezima stima guys. …happy holidays.




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  • Reuben
    26.12.2016

    Happy Holidays man!




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  • Alfred
    27.12.2016

    Great read as always Biko. Looking forward to reading more posts in 2017. Happy holidays gang!!




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  • Mwash
    28.12.2016

    Happy Holidays Chocolate man




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  • Kennedy Ngei
    28.12.2016

    Your articles have become like a drug that i keep coming back for more.Providing something witty and interesting to read be it when am stuck in the never ending Nairobi traffic jam or pretending to be working(don’t tell my boss,i still need this job). Reading your articles makes me want to start writing but when i actually pick up a pen and start scribbling,i realize i suck and go back and read some more of your stuff.Thanks for being the writer that i wish i could be if i didn’t have the habit of not finishing what i have….




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  • Zorroellie
    28.12.2016

    Anyone else wanna say anything….the nays have it. Goodbye 2016…Click!!…(lights off)




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  • Sir Kev
    28.12.2016

    Happy holidays Gang. Arrive alive, don’t drink and drive. Cheers




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  • Biko, I discovered you this year and I haven’t regretted doing so. Your stories have blessed me greatly. Can’t wait to read more of you in 2017. Merry Christmas .

    mikeinioluwa.wordpress.com




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  • Noni
    30.12.2016

    1st comment from me….thank you Biko, for an exhilarating 5 years or so….or when did you change the webpage?

    Every post has had a few favourite lines, but there are people whose warm veins I continue to feel many months down the line….and hope for a hidden trilogy every time I check in.

    So how about you hook me up with Jonah, yes the Kilifi guy who equally loves Nina Simone and Delores….and Enid who understandably pulled down her blog and internet presence, following unnecessary insensitivity….

    Happy to send through emails to forward to them and they can choose whether to get back.

    Thank you for all you are to the gang….and cheers to an even greater year ahead!




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  • mtune
    30.12.2016

    great job




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  • Matumbo ya Thate
    31.12.2016

    Nice read and a better way to end the year. Happy new year Amigos!!!




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  • Kevin
    31.12.2016

    It’s been a great year folks. May 2017 be full of more laughter, blessings and fulfillment. Peace!
    *Lights out.




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  • Chet
    31.12.2016

    Since I shall never be 1st to comment, I shall be the last to do so in 2016.
    Thanks chocolate man for the dedication and happy New year!
    Look forward to many years ahead.
    God bless you and family.

    Ps. Matumbo ya Thate pole sana you are second last




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  • Chet
    01.01.2017

    Lights out..




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  • shuhhy
    01.01.2017

    *lights on*..who’s here? hello? .. seems it’s only me , the words and myself . Thanks Chocolate man for a fantastic year here’s to another one.

    (lights out ..dismantles the socket)for the record I was here last:-):-)




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  • Peter Gitonga
    02.01.2017

    I enjoyed reading this article. Hope to read more this year.




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  • Solace
    05.01.2017

    Awesome..

    So I’ve been meaning to ask, are you doing a Fred Matiangi blog? Pretty pleeeease, do I be.. I really want your take on this one




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  • Shaz
    05.01.2017

    Happy New Year Biko! Here’s to an awesome 2017




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  • Tanu
    05.01.2017

    YAAAAY




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  • Sandra
    06.01.2017

    Happy new year chocolate man, looking forward to reading more from you.




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  • bankelele
    08.01.2017

    Have a great 2017.




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  • Sally
    08.01.2017

    To a 2017 of more amazing pieces from you!

    https://snyambura.com/




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  • Mercy
    09.01.2017

    Reading this in 2017 after the lights had been turned off. Happy new year folks. Looking forward to many more words from chocolate man.




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  • Irene Wanderi
    09.01.2017

    Hahahahahaha. Reading this too Now. and nope I am the one to switch off the lights. Nobody switches off lights during holidays. Puh!




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  • Kare Maina
    10.01.2017

    Good read.

    Switching off the lights!




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  • Matt
    11.01.2017

    Last to comment,how about that?
    Enjoy your 2017 y’all.




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  • Kevin
    11.01.2017

    Last to comment,….lights off now




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  • Zippy
    12.01.2017

    Last comment, lights on coz its 2017




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  • Mariam
    15.01.2017

    Feeling rejuvenated. 2016 gave me a career and a son. On hell of a year. Alhamdhillah… Allow me to switch off the lights!!!




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  • Wamalwa Erick Wamalwa
    17.01.2017

    Great piece.




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  • Air Hostess
    19.01.2017

    We cannot fight change, but there is something intriguing about a shelf full of books. I know it’s cool now to own a kindle (I got one too) and all those audio books (don’t know if I will ever listen to an audio book..) but nothing spells intellect and culturedness like a magnificent shelf of books in someone’s home. That John Sibi Okumu’s interview was the highlight for me. Very down to earth with so much to be admired about. Him allowing you to interview him says a lot about you too!




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  • Orina
    22.01.2017

    Did anyone capture that in the interview JSO had wanted Bob Dylan to win the nobel prize for poetry and he did win it in october 2016. #Lightsoff




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  • Edwin Wabunoha
    24.01.2017

    Wow, thank you!




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  • Milka
    07.02.2017

    How far I must go to get somewhere




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  • alice
    08.02.2017

    Who the hell switched the lights on again?




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  • Kimani
    01.03.2017

    If I had someone so kind as that girl to lend me her laptop,I would appreciate her with much more kindness than asking Biko to tell the world about my break up.
    Infact…who calls at 1am and expects the receiver to be full of energy and excitement?
    Ok
    What if she really was with someone?did you take time to think who it could be?i.e Siblings?
    Does she owe him anything more than one word answers?

    Biko says ‘his problems were becoming hers’
    Clearly,if she was a student ,she probably needed the laptop for school work.

    How many other things did she do for him?
    I don’t know why our society is led to believe that girls are only after money if they can’t be with a broke man….
    I say kudos for keeping up with his life struggles for as long as she could




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