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Next Of Kin

It was a great marriage but after that Sunday afternoon things started happening fast and it turned from being a great marriage to an okay marriage. Here is how it unwound. He was chilling watching football on TV. Church had happened. Lunch had happened. His wife was in the bedroom folding clothes, trying to nap or watching something on her phone or whatever it is wives do in the bedroom on lazy Sunday afternoons. His son – 5-years old then – wandered into the sitting room and handed him a passport. He opened it and saw that it was his wife’s passport, rather, the name on the passport was his wife’s. This was strange because they had been married for 5-years and he had never known that she had a passport. She had never mentioned -even in passing – that she was getting a passport. He had never seen a passport in that house. Which is not shocking because really, if we men can’t find our own socks in the bedroom drawer, how are we going to see a new passport? A wife can plant a tree in the corner of the bedroom and you won’t see it before Easter. Sembuse a passport? (Insha in primo was never complete until you used the word “sembuse.”)

Anyway, he goes to the bedroom, passport in hand, and asks in that voice that men use when they want to sound authoritative: “What is this?” She is going through her clothes, organising her week in pants and dresses, scarves and heels, in blues and scarlets and in prints and browns.

“A passport,” she said, barely looking at him.

“Yes, I can see it is a passport. It’s your passport.”

“Yes it is,” she said calmly, turning to look at him as if to say “What’s your point?” That knocked the wind out of his sails briefly. But then he recovered long enough to ask.

“On this page bearing Next Of Kin,” he thumbed the page, “you have put down your family’s contacts, not my name. I mean, what is this, Eve*?” he asked, trying to choke down the sense of betrayal rising up his throat. “Hell, I didn’t even know you had applied for a passport, what do you need a passport for?”

She should have said, “To swat mosquitoes.” Instead she hit the roof. She told him to stop trying to “manage her life.” That she was an adult and she was free to get a government document if she so desired. And she was fed up with this interrogation. She returned the dress she was holding and stomped out of the bedroom, leaving him standing there with a passport that didn’t have him – husband of five years – as next of kin.

“Of course by the time we were having this confrontation about the passport, I had noticed a pattern in her – she was quick to fight me, to disregard my views, she was always quick to anger, volatile, and ready to bruise me in a fight. She would go against my authority, things she knew I forbade,” he tells me. We are in a café. We are seated with our heads close together, as if we are planning to hold an illegal gathering in Uhuru park.

This new change in his wife was particularly out of character because he had known her when she was in college and he was working and since she was from a single parent – her father had died when she was 7-years old and her mother was struggling – he had paid her fees through college and helped her secure a job. He had invested in her education then invested in their relationship and then invested in their marriage. She had always been considerate and loving and respectful, now she was brusque and ready to draw blood at the tiniest of provocations.

“On investigation, I found out that her sister who was in Italy had been feeding her garbage, telling her that she deserved a better life in Italy, where she was living and working,” he says. “I think my son let the cat out of the bag, her plan was to sneak out of the country to join her sister.”

He confronted the sister in Italy. He told her to eat her tagliatelle and focaccia bread in peace and back the hell off from his wife and from his marriage. The sister – a feisty one – said “Aah sei pazzo! My sister is not your pet that you cage, if she wants a better life for herself then she should go for it. If you don’t take care of your home, someone will.” Unkind words were exchanged.

The marriage started going tits up gradually. He felt slighted. She felt affronted. He wanted her to be the woman he had known. She didn’t how to be that woman, and if she did, she didn’t want to because she was this woman now and she wanted him to treat her like someone who had evolved, not a photo of a landscape that never changes. And so it happened that they couldn’t agree on anything. They fought constantly. One day it got physical. It was on a Sunday. (Again.) They were having one of their usual altercations when she said something and he said, “I’m sorry, what? What did you just say?” She repeated it, chin up. It was something that was meant to draw him out, one of those things that a woman will say knowing that it will pierce and puncture your ego.

He killed the distance between them at the speed of light and slapped her across her face. She wasn’t the type of girl you slap. She was fire, brimstone and madness rolled into a ball of fury. She lunged and grabbed the side of his face, like it was a piece of fabric and pulled and using her other fist (closed and hard like a potato) pummelled at the side of his face, flaying, trying to tear off half his face. A brief but intense physical altercation ensued, furniture moved, picture frames fell off the wall and backs slammed into walls. He’s a stocky man with wide, powerful shoulders, the duel ended as fast as it had started. She curled up in the corner of the bedroom, sobbing quietly for her son not to hear. He paced around the room, breathing heavily, shaking and perhaps shocked at what had just happened.

A week later, on a Monday night, he came back from some meeting in Nakuru and when he opened the door, his shadow fell across the floor of an empty living room. “She had packed and taken virtually everything in the house except his clothes and a duvet.” He stood in the middle of the room and called her on phone. Mteja. As he went from one empty room to another he called his brother and said, “I think Eve* just left.”

“Left for where?”

“I came home and she is gone. Taken everything with her.”

His voice sounded disemboweled in the empty bedroom, the echo of his footsteps followed him around empty rooms. When he spoke he could hear the echo of his own voice in his bones. Amazing how much sound furniture absorbs. He stood at the curtainless window, looking outside, feeling like a bachelor again – a bachelor who had had his life auctioned. He would have made a meal had she left utensils. He couldn’t even brush his teeth – his toothbrush was gone. He felt bereft, not at the loss of the household goods, but at the loss of his identity. It was almost like she had also taken off with who he was. “A wife leaves with a part that you identified with as a man. That part that gave you purpose.” Now you are just a man without a toothbrush. He felt unmoored.

That night he showered without soap (also gone) and dried himself with his old clothes and slept on that duvet on the floor (the pillow also gone) in the middle of the bedroom without curtains, the sky outside the colour of green tea.  

He learnt that she had moved to her mother’s house in a different estate in Nairobi.  “There is always that embarrassment of calling your mother-in-law to inquire about your wife, her daughter, knowing well that you have been demonised,” he says. “When you call, you realise you lost your face.”

She refused to come back home. She was convinced she had a crack at being happy in Italy and everybody deserved to pursue their form of happiness, even if it involves bread and pasta and hairy-chested and amorous men screaming “bella bella bella!

In the following months he would send shopping to her mother’s place because his son lived there. Some weekends his sister-in-law would bring the child to town to meet him in a café. There are men who don’t know how to be single. They want someone to call them and ask, “Babe, are you wearing a jacket, it’s cold.” Then there are men who would rather die of hypothermia than feel that they are being mothered to wear a jacket. “I knew I didn’t want to stay single, I didn’t know how to. I didn’t want to jump from one relationship to the next. I wanted to settle down and marry and start another family quickly and focus on my business that was still young,” he says.

One Saturday afternoon he and his boys met for lunch in one of those places you can eat and then have drinks later. During lunch one of his boys says, “Aah, I know one of the ladies at that table.” So he goes to say hello and convinces the ladies to join them. He liked the quiet one with powdery cheeks. The one with an Erykah Badu head scarf. (She was having a bad hair day but killing it with that afro-look). She had full-lips and big eyes that look sort of teary but in a sexy way. Like the kind of eyes one would get when they tried  to light a fire in a fireplace by blowing into the hearth and smoke. He didn’t take her number but something weird happened; when he went back to the café again for lunch after two days she was there, seated alone with her watery eyes and full lips, sucking juice through a lucky straw. He said, “Hey, if I didn’t know better I’d say you were stalking me!” And she said, “If I was stalking you, trust me, you would know.” (Okay, I’ve made up that convo in my head.)

Anyhow, they started talking. She was easy to talk to. She laughed from her stomach. When he spoke she looked at him intensely, as if everything he was saying was so important and nobody else would ever say them the way he did. It was only natural that he marry her so that no other man would be looked at in the same watery way she looked at him.

They started living together. It was happy and everything was hunkydory. No strange passports showed up on Sundays. He was her next-of-kin.

“One year down the line my dad calls me and says, ‘Eve called me, she wants to come back to make the marriage work.’”

“Oh, what happened to Italy? I thought she was leaving for a better life? I’m married now!” he tells Poppa.

“Yeah, I’m just relaying the message, she wants a meeting.”

He told his wife about his ex-wife wanting to come back and she hit the roof. She said, “Are you mad? How are we even discussing this? It’s either her or me, take care of it.” But he talked to her about it daily. He doesn’t tell me exactly what he said, but whatever he said she eventually agreed to a meeting.

His first wife had his son. She wasn’t about to let her son go, but he wanted to be with his son.  Also, there was a little matter of love; he still loved her. The idea of having her back seemed like a grand idea. But the idea of leaving his current wife was also grandly out of the question. He was in love with two women. He wanted to have and eat his cake. Or basically be a man, in short. He called his brother, his thinktank, and he suggested that a meeting for all was necessary. So they convened a kangaroo court, almost 15 people in total. There were five people from Eve’s family, including her mother, five people from his own family, including his father, five people from his wife’s family, including one of those tough uncles who speaks while tapping his walking cane on the ground.

The meeting lasted 12-hours, non-stop, no breaks. They ate and drank juice and sodas. At the end of the meeting the second wife agreed to try and see how it would work with the first wife back.

“Hang on,” I say. “She said she was willing to have a co-wife?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Sort of.”

“I know it sounds easy but it wasn’t. It was a very tense and emotional meeting. Extremely. There were a lot of tears, lots and lots. Hard words were said. I was honest; I said I wanted to have my son back and if he came back with my first wife then I would take them both.  I told my second wife that I loved her and that I was not willing to let her go, but that I also had some unresolved feelings for my first wife which I only realised recently. I said I was willing to be single and let go of all of them, if I couldn’t have my son and former wife back and also keep her. My wife’s people were mad, her sister said I was trying to make her sister look like an idiot. The room was tense but the older men guided it with wisdom and calmness.”

“That is mad!” I say.

“Yeah. But sometimes the language of madness is what we understand.”

When he left that room he had two wives. He was polygamous. The drive home with his wife was so tense. She was quiet and lost in thought. He talked to her that night. Told her that he was not going to love her less. That she was his heart of hearts and that he would never forsake her and that he wanted her and their young baby in his life. He reassured her the next day. And the next.

“Why didn’t she leave?” I asked.

“Because I was straight with her,” he says. “I put my all my cards on the table. That’s the thing, we are always afraid to put our cards on the table. We are afraid to offend and hurt but we hurt the ones we love most when we hide cards. People handle truth much easier than deceit. I remember when I met my second wife in the café the second time, I told her, ‘You are seated with a married man.’ I told her all about my first wife and how she left me and how I have never quite reconciled with that.”

In the meeting it was agreed that since he wanted to make this two beds he had to lie on both of them. That meant he had to get his first wife a house. After a week he got an apartment, furnished it – from toothpick to tablemats – and his first wife moved in with his son. That set him back about 400K.

He then organised for a meeting with just the two wives and one representative from their respective families to act as witnesses. There, he set the agenda for that, erm, union.

“I told them that I’m not a perfect man,” he says. “That I have great flaws. That this is not what they might have seen as their lives in marriage but that I was confident that it was going to work, that I was going to make it work but that I needed all of us to work as a team. That they are not co-wives but sisters – “

I’m now laughing at how preposterous (and dangerous) this sounds. How surreal it is. It sounds like a Nigerian movie with bad sound. I’m trying to wrap my head around this story. How one man can convince his wife to accept another wife and on top of that ask her to see her as her sister?! What powers are those? Why does God give some men such powers and leave us with only the power to reverse park? So unfair! Because even the best reverse parking maneuvers never made anyone a great husband or father.

“I told them that I would not treat anyone more special than the other. That I would take care of all of them – rent, school fees, all medical and education insurances, and all the big bills. That since they had jobs all they had to do is take care of some of the small costs of running a home.”

Long story short, this man now has two wives in this day and age. He has had them for the past five years. He has four children, two with each wife. He says they are happy. (He showed me pictures of them in shags over Christmas; with him sandwiched between the two smiling wives and another picture of the two wives holding each other, laughing.

“How does this work?” I ask him.

“So, I stay in one house for a week -from Monday evening to the next Monday morning. We agreed on this when we met second time with one representative from each family so that nobody tries to change the rules midway. When I’m in one house I can’t go to the other house unless it’s an emergency – like she or one of my children is sick. But either can call me on the phone anytime. The second thing -”

“Wait, hold on. What were the teething problems in this arrangement?”

“Sometimes one wife would try to trick me that one of the children was sick so that I go back to her house, but I’d say, ‘Okay, let’s meet at the hospital’”, he says. “ Also my first wife would complain at the beginning, saying that she had been away and so she needed to spend more time with me. I’d say, nope, the rules can only change if we all meet again, we agreed on this with witnesses so it stays as it is. Eventually things settled.

“How much energy does this arrangement take from you, running two homes? I mean, running one home is hard enough!”

“The problems that I encounter are small problems, little squabbles, basically one wife says that wife said that…as a general rule if you say the other wife did or said something I’d wait until we all meet on Sunday and ask you to repeat the allegation.”

“Oh, so there is a day for conflict resolution?” I ask laughing.

“All Sundays we meet and have lunch together. If I’m at wife A’s house, wife B will come to wife A’s with the kids and vice versa. That’s the day that we all sit down and resolve any issues. I never ever resolve an issue in the absence of the other. If you have a complaint you say it on Sunday and we talk about it and we resolve it. We never start a new week with an old problem. So they now know not to try and feed me stories about the other because I will not engage, I will say sawa, let’s wait for Sunday.”

“Damn.”

“Yes, also obviously one wife has a better job than the other so she might try and outshine the other by buying better clothes for her children. I saw this coming and we discussed this with them and we agreed that if one wife buys clothes for her children, it’s only fair that she buys the same for other wife’s children, because those are her sister’s children and your sister’s children are your children, no?”

“Ha-ha. Well…” I say.

“This must be expensive, of course, how much is your domestic bill a month, 500K?”

He laughs and says half a meter is stretching it. He runs a small interior decor business, employing about 16 people, and work is tight, of course. “The problem with us is that we try and hide our money from our wives. I don’t. To rub unrealistic expectations, I always declare how much I make to them so that even if they are demanding money, they know my capabilities.”

“So, have you ever thought that there is a chance that while you are in this house, your other wife might be in another house, getting her groove on?” I ask, happy that I have finally used the phrase, “get your groove on” this year.

“You can have one wife and she can still get her groove on if she wants to, right under your nose,” he says.

“True.” I nod.

“But at the beginning I told them what I believe in; that anything done in the dark shall soon come to light. That should they choose to shag someone else and they pick up a disease, I’m sure that I will be the first to die from it and they would have single-handedly ruined the lives of everybody else in this family. So I never worry about that because I can’t control it. You can’t live life wondering if your wife is shagging someone else. I’d rather send that energy into better things.”

“What about sex?” I ask. “I’m sure you have to perform well in both houses every week, because the other one has been waiting for a week. How do you maintain the tempo, how do you control quality?”

We laugh at that.

“Sex is mental, at least for me. If the mind is rested and calm, the energy for sex comes. If you are distracted, if you are not settled in the mind, it doesn’t matter, your sex will suffer.”

“I’m sure there is a house you prefer…”

“No,” he says.

“Come on, there must be a wife you look forward to seeing…”

“Never. I like going to both houses, they all treat me the same.”

“It’s impossible, bwana. You want to to tell me both houses treat you in the exact way? Come on, you can tell me, I don’t even have to write it in the article.”

“I’m telling you, I look forward to seeing each wife.”

“Is that your final answer?”

He laughs. “That’s my final answer.”

He speaks slowly. He has that solidness around him, that silent authority. He’s got broad shoulders and a deceptively soft demeanor. Because beneath that he is a silent powerhouse. The type that don’t have to raise their voices to express their dissatisfaction but from the timbre and fibre of their voices you are sure of their position. Have you been seated in a group where everybody is shouting to be heard but then one person starts to speak and everybody sort of falls into silence because of how they speak? That’s the guy. A power bank of energy. He exudes supreme confidence. There is only one other guy I have ever encountered with this type of confidence, my pal, Victor Balla, who now lives in Houston.

“What, in your books, is a good husband?” I ask. I ask because I know for a fact that not all good men make good husbands. Just because a man is a bad husband doesn’t make him a bad man. But it’s harder to be a good husband if you are a bad man. I don’t see Hitler as a good husband. Or Trump. Also, you can be a bad husband but a good father. I can’t see a really bad father being a husband of the year because how can you be bad to your own blood, bad to your own child and be a great person to someone you met at Brew Bistro five years ago and married?

So, what is a good husband?

“A good husband knows where the family is headed. You are the captain of the ship. You give direction, you make decisions, you offer leadership. I always tell my wives, ‘we are going that direction and this is why I think it’s a good direction’ and if they have an objection we will all discuss it. A good husband provides for his family.”

“Was your father polygamous?”

“No. My mom is the only wife.”

“What do your friends think of this?”

“Everybody calls me mganga. They think I must have done some juju to make these women agree to this.” He laughs for the first time. “Whenever I fill a form and it requires spouse I always add and then add my second wife. People always find that fascinating. Listen, who is to say that marrying two wives is improper? Does having two wives guarantee a successful marriage? I don’t know, but it’s working for me and it seems to be working for my wives and that is what matters, not what society thinks.”

“Have you checked if the second wife has applied for a passport?” I joke, and he doesn’t get it. Oh well, this is not that party, I guess.

He tells me that polygamy, for him, is freedom. That he – at 41-years now – leads a better quality of life than most men. “You see all these men in this café? Ask them to leave their phones with their wives for 30 minutes. Nobody will have a marriage. I love two women and they are my wives. I don’t have other women outside of these two. Which means I don’t have to sneak around, lie, hide my phone, put my phone on silent,” he says. “You know, I know a guy who had a child out of wedlock and now the child is in Form One. His wife has no clue. Can you imagine what this man has to do to maintain a lie for 13-years? Can you imagine how painful  and taxing it has to be not to spend time with your own son on Christmas because he is a lie?” He sips his juice, shaking his head.

“My wives all know the pattern of unlocking my phone, so do my children. My phone has no secrets. Here is what happens when you lie. First you have to believe the lie. Then you have to have the energy to embrace that lie, to own it. Then lastly you have to remember that lie, next week, next month, next year. And the thing with one lie is that it needs another lie to cover it and then another lie to cover that one. You are in prison my friend. I’m not in prison, I declared my love for two women and I don’t have to ever lie to them about another woman. Am I not free?”

“Yes, you are.”

“All my energies are focused on making money, on driving the agenda of my family forward. Listen, because of this one friend of mine recently declared a child he had out of wedlock.”

“Is he still alive?”

He laughs. “He is-”

“No, really, can you check now. A lot can happen in an hour.”

“My point is that this is my life and I want to live it the way I want to live it. Having two wives might not work for the next guy, but it works for me and it works for my wives as far as I can tell and that’s what’s important. I can’t question your choices as a man, can I?”

I shake my head.

When we say goodbye he says he doesn’t want to prescribe polygamy to anyone. He also doesn’t know which marriages work and which don’t. That he’s got no authority on any marriage other than his own. And that I shouldn’t cast him as some sort of marriage swami. Then he was off for another meeting, to make money, because God knows he needs it.

The registration for the Creative Writing Masterclass is now open. It’s on March 6-8th. To register please email info@bikozulu.co.ke 5 slots left to go!

325 Responses
  • Naanyu
    05.02.2019

    Notificatin gang!

    8
    • Bumble Bee
      05.02.2019

      God forbid we bring this YouTube thing here. Dear “first to comment” commenters, we’re sorry, we would rather have you.

      30
    • Favor
      07.02.2019

      Wueh! …I don’t know, but it’s working for me and it seems to be working for my wives and that is what matters, not what society thinks.”

      7
    • Anonymous
      26.02.2019

      I actually feel sorry for the dude. Your first wife was able to leave you. She can leave again. She only came back for she realized she couldn’t hack it solo, now she’s pretty much back in his life and can’t risk the same thing again. So she will do whatever he says for no one other guy will do the work.

      Hebcan convince himself he loves he first wife but the son is the stronger bond. As for the second wife, she is a strong woman, to be a co-wife is not easy especially if she didn’t see it coming. I believe the worst case scenario she had thought of is taking care of his first son but NOT taking back his first wife. Now where will she go?

      Dude should have laid that out on the table the possibility of remarrying the first wife. Had the second wife had a fantastic job, dude would have been toast.

      • Beth
        09.03.2019

        Is this real?

        1
  • Pius Mwandishi
    05.02.2019

    Biko, do people rush to be the first to comment and then read the story after 3 days?

    21
    • TERYL
      05.02.2019

      Hahahaha,looks like it

      4
      • Unclejimmy
        06.02.2019

        Awesome read, this is profound especially to people who are discreet

  • Tony Ngata
    05.02.2019

    The excitement I get when I get a “New Post Alert” from Biko… Can only be equated to

    “Mpesa:MRHKDVSJA5 You have Received”

    89
    • Chebet
      05.02.2019

      You and I both -:)

      4
      • Pius Mwandishi
        05.02.2019

        That makes 3 of us.

        1
        • Patience Caio
          08.02.2019

          Now it makes 4 of us. I keep asking my friends to read this stories, they are life!

          1
    • Bee
      09.02.2019

      Seems we are quite a number

      1
  • Adrian Kaburu
    05.02.2019

    This man thou!
    “Yes, also obviously one wife has a better job than the other so she might try and outshine the other by buying better clothes for her children. I saw this coming and we discussed this with them and we agreed that if one wife buys clothes for her children, it’s only fair that she buys the same for other wife’s children, because those are her sister’s children and your sister’s children are your children, no?”

    “Ha-ha. Well…” I say.

    32
    • Kaphra
      06.02.2019

      Usiiienzi….!!

      1
  • Mariah
    05.02.2019

    Ahem..woow..I honestly like that man..
    Do not be a prisoner in this life..

    25
  • Mwanaume mfupi
    05.02.2019

    Great read. I recommended this year’s series to my female friends.

    5
    • Caleb Samita
      06.02.2019

      I share the link every Tuesday… hakuna kubahatisha

      1
  • Jen
    05.02.2019

    I love this story. I like how this guy chose to MAN UP and to do what is right by his family. I like how he has a keen eye, and eye for detail to notice small things that may blow up later if left unchecked. I like how he is running his ship. Life dealt his what it dealt him. It is what it is. But the way he chose to reverse, break, park, look at the mirrors and get onto the road again is something to be applauded.

    96
  • Wanja
    05.02.2019

    lucky man, God knows I’d rather be alone than share knowingly.

    40
    • Mercy
      05.02.2019

      Haha I feel ya Wanja!!

      1
    • Sally
      10.02.2019

      Feeling ya!!! Wanja. But I like the man’s honesty.

      2
    • Anonymous
      27.02.2019

      So you’d rather share unknowingly?!!!?… Honesty is the best policy. Otherwise he’ll just share himself with anything….as long as you don’t know right?!?
      At least if you know the other woman you can put her in check!

  • TERYL
    05.02.2019

    Waaah,honestly this guy needs to refer us to his juju man coz clearly,it is working.
    Ni mganga kutoka kitui au Tanganyika?
    I am just in awe.The arrangement is too perfect and smooth yawa

    24
  • Neelah
    05.02.2019

    My heart been beating soooo fast while reading this…..goodness!!!! I cant even believe it!!!!

    Who am i not to wish him the very best in his polygamy happy life!?

    27
    • Nyabuti Valentine
      09.02.2019

      I kept waiting for him to say the marriage is no longer working. Like he realized he loves one wife more.

      2
  • Grace Nicholls
    05.02.2019

    I can’t believe this oo

    1
  • Teddy
    05.02.2019

    Indeed this is alike a cheap nigerian movie with bad sound.

    10
    • Wanjiru
      05.02.2019

      I’ve laughed and laughed! What witchcraft is this?

      1
  • Jimmy
    05.02.2019

    Does the guy worry someone will promise the first wife a “better life” and leave him again? From experience, people don’t change.

    18
    • Davis
      05.02.2019

      It will have helped him settle with one eventually

    • Wangechikk
      05.02.2019

      wow, someone tell my husband to get me a ‘sister’. that first wife must have jazzed him. he makes this arrangement seem like heaven. his story is my favorite so far.

      6
  • Evalyne
    05.02.2019

    I almost got to a brink of pulling my wig off until I saw the HR coming my way for staying too long on Google.

    25
    • Mercie
      05.02.2019

      Hahahahahaha. I like you

      2
  • Dennis
    05.02.2019

    Gaddamit! You are happily married to two wives when getting one is a problem?
    Teach us thy ways master, that we may feed at your feet.

    87
    • noisymind
      05.02.2019

      You’re probably looking in the wrong places

      3
    • Salim
      06.02.2019

      Master says….be who you are and deal with what works for you and not what society expects of you. Write and read your own story. Mabibi ni wako, watoto ni wako, pesa ni zako, mapenzi ni yako, uamuzi ni wako.

      12
    • Shiroh Of Ndichu
      07.02.2019

      He said it. Lay all your cards at the table. No secrets!
      People handle truth much easier than deceit.

      6
  • G
    05.02.2019

    Well well, I don’t think I can subscribe to that. But that man is for sure a mganga. The way I am jealous? Man that is hard small… Btw graduated from silent readers.

    17
    • Tirop
      10.02.2019

      i think I just made it to the graduation list too

  • JOY
    05.02.2019

    wait!! what?
    i like the part of laying your cards on the table!
    this guy knows the true definition of setting himself free from things that can be avoided later!! that is why his mental state is ready to get his groove all the damn time!!!!

    lay your cards on the table ladies and gentlemen!! Lay them and be free like a bird!

    11
  • Biegon
    05.02.2019

    haha, respect!. My neighbor tried this and it all went south. He lives alone now.

    127
    • Chepkoech Chesiyna
      05.02.2019

      Can’t stop laughing

      8
    • Dyna
      05.02.2019

      hahahahahahahaha….my lungs.

      2
    • Chebet
      05.02.2019

      hahahahahahahahahaha are we from the same neighbourhood?

      1
    • Wambui
      05.02.2019

      Biegon, laughing so hard.You made my day

    • Luvanda
      05.02.2019

      Guys guys, enough.

      • Ste
        08.03.2019

        hahahahahhahaaaaa am kuf dead,I think i know you and the neighbor

    • Simon Gioche
      06.02.2019

      Hahahaha woi my ribs, I can’t believe this is what makes me comment here for the first time. Even my story I resisted the urge but this one had me laughing so hard.

      3
    • Cathy
      06.02.2019

      Day made.Can’t stop laughing…

    • Anne
      06.02.2019

      These must be exceptional women, or this man is just too good. But God knows 90% would not accept this arrangement.

      5
      • Nanna
        06.02.2019

        I personally, I can’t!

        1
      • Sally
        10.02.2019

        Nothing exceptional about first wife. She left man for flimsy reasons. Came back after life gave her lessons. There’s nothing difficult there. The exceptional one is the one who made the choice to accept the first wife, who has the guts to want more time… with husband.

        2
        • Ndiransh
          15.02.2019

          I agree about the first wife. But on the second wife, the man was upfront about his situation from the start, or at least date number two. She must have seen the kind of person he was during their monogamous phase and she knows the probability of getting a man who will be faithful and honest is a slim one.
          Question is, would you rather be publicly the only woman to a man and not know how many others are out there or be with someone who is honest and upright. It can’t be an easy decision but when emotions are taken out of the decision…

          2
    • Steve Gitau
      06.02.2019

      Hahahahahahahaha. Peke yake. Lakini that first wife has no loyalty. I don’t trust her intentions. Her coming back has a fishy smell.

      7
    • Jue254
      06.02.2019

      Why can’t I stop laughing coz this isn’t funny

    • Sketch
      26.02.2019

      Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe my lungs

  • G
    05.02.2019

    I don’t know about you but honestly I can’t. But the truth is wewe ni mganga

    4
  • Caleb Samita
    05.02.2019

    Wow!!! i think for me what stand out most is the honesty… Putting all your cards on the table. This man has discovered the secret!! The wisdom he has on running his marriages…. Sio ya kawaida.

    19
  • Joy
    05.02.2019

    Weeeee! I need a minute to digest this! God’s grace is sufficient.

    4
    • wanjirumk
      05.02.2019

      hehe you need a minute i need a whole week am even re-reading again

      3
  • Felix
    05.02.2019

    I don’t know what the future holds for me….

  • Min Hawi
    05.02.2019

    Alaaaaa!What mumbo-jumbo kind of voodoo did I just read?This man needs to hold PhD classes in d*cktonomy 101.He is the last existing unicorn in our midst.Does he wear his pants one leg at a time like the rest?I have so many questions.

    32
    • Denis
      06.02.2019

      You have no idea. This might be the greatest relationships wizard to ever walk this damned planet.

      1
  • Alex
    05.02.2019

    I admire his life

    1
  • G
    05.02.2019

    I don’t know about you, but honestly I don’t have the energy of bile, but if the truth is we are only two and no other women and we love each other as sisters then so be it. Because men are always cheating always.

    14
  • Wango
    05.02.2019

    Embracing what the world sends your way and making something out of it…

    5
  • Grusha
    05.02.2019

    I don’t know about you, but honestly I don’t have the energy of bile, but if the truth is we are only two and no other women and we love each other as sisters then so be it. Because men are always cheating always.

    2
  • Melodious
    05.02.2019

    I was reading this and wondering what century these events were taking place. Chei, people really do have arrangements. Can’t remember a story where a character made me so uncomfortable like this one did. Let me go recover in silence.
    ‘She would go against my authority, things she knew I forbade,”. This part (plus many others) had me rolling my eyes at the guy. Forbade? haha. Forbade.? Oya now? Forbade…

    69
    • noisymind
      05.02.2019

      kumbe I was not alone.
      I’m wondering what age is this people accept that – Forbade…

      7
    • S.C
      05.02.2019

      I am with you on this one. Chei !

      1
    • Wahito
      05.02.2019

      Some of us thrive on a man taking the wheel, it’s all about knowing your audience.

      11
    • Wanjiru
      05.02.2019

      I don’t know why this made me think of Atwoli. Remember the convo with his wife when she wanted to join politics?

      7
    • Leah
      05.02.2019

      I picked that too…and wondered‍♀️

    • Nduku
      05.02.2019

      Exactly…. let us not forget he literally slapped his wife. Who knows what else he did? I have a feeling he rules by the first.

      1
    • Geo
      07.02.2019

      If you are a wife, or plan to be, there must be things you just couldn’t stomach. Laying your dislikes on the table is actually forbidding them.

      For example, apparently, you would forbid him from forbidding you. So, that would be one clear thing you forbade!

      1
  • James
    05.02.2019

    Oh, master please show as the way…

    1
  • Bree
    05.02.2019

    My oh My… I pray for grace similar to that of the second wife.. Grace to accept that your man had a past and the past can come back knocking and even receive a welcome.. A welcome that have so many turn outs including threatening your existence and even position!! This turn out of one big happy blended family shocks me!!

    This story I will forever remember.. I am in awe!!

    And perhaps one day we need to listen to the women’s side of the story in this men and marriage series…

    46
  • Betty
    05.02.2019

    ‘We never start a new week with an old problem’ great approach!

    4
  • MG
    05.02.2019

    Loved the story..!The truth will always set you free

  • churchill salmon
    05.02.2019

    Mganga kweli, i think he is one of the few men out here having a peaceful polygamous family, he is a good man; why? because he forgave the first wife and welcomed her back like nothing ever happened and those women are mature….

    1
  • juster
    05.02.2019

    What a read. Strong guy buy he knows the key. Telling it as it is. That is the best weapon.

  • Agal
    05.02.2019

    wow, wot a read ….for a polygamous family to run its the guy who has to be firm to make things work.
    honesty and being truthful is the key, no passwords n hidden secrets .

    2
  • Antony kamau Maina
    05.02.2019

    This has made me feel and see my life pass in front of me like the army during madaraka day celebration parade.

    I am turning 33 this March, when I get 40 in 2026 please come we take some brewed coffee!

    7
    • Githinji
      05.02.2019

      You can share… We shall listen. life free ..hehe

  • Maxine
    05.02.2019

    Wah, this guy. Am lost for words on him, but i lie the fact that he manned up and took responsibility.

  • Maxine
    05.02.2019

    Wah, this guy. Am lost for words on him, but i like the fact that he manned up and took responsibility.

  • Shambula
    05.02.2019

    True definition of a Man…from decision making, provision and most of all wise!

  • Val
    05.02.2019

    He is right about one thing: when you lie, you have to continuously remember the lie.

    And he must be a man with means-maintaining two families is not a stroll in the park. May his honesty keep him long enough to be an elder and keep advicing the youngsters with real-life examples. hehehehe. This must be the true definition of sharing is caring.

    8
  • Evalyne
    05.02.2019

    I was at the brink of pulling off my wig until I saw the HR come my way for staying too long on Google.

    2
  • Agal
    05.02.2019

    I like how the arrangements were made n God knows how , coz this guy never intended or he nv knew he would ever be a polygamous guy ,But he’s 1st wife led him to that situation .
    Some guys would have never forgiven the 1st wife for leaving and coming back and some Women would never fall for tht arrangements being tht the Wife left ..no coming back …

    2
  • Nyambura Kagwe
    05.02.2019

    I love this.Hilarious and witty as always.

    Love is a beautiful thing!

    • Yaz Khan
      07.02.2019

      Would you accept a co-wife?

  • MD
    05.02.2019

    Everybody calls me mganga…. boss eve me i am calling you a MGANGA!

  • Wachu Kabiru
    05.02.2019

    I thinks someone should make a series of these your stories. Eish we need visuals for these type of stories for this century relationships.

    7
    • wanjiru
      05.02.2019

      Back to Basics did a few plays last year. they were to come back with the second series… still waiting

      1
  • Angela Darcy
    05.02.2019

    Wow! Good read. Eye opening..

  • ““Everybody calls me mganga. They think I must have done some juju to make these women agree to this.”

    The juju is integrity. Most women desire integrity, they just want men to be forthcoming, open and reliable; not guys who come up with tricks and excuses…because they know that relationships are about trust, if they have to play detective, snooping around their man’s phones and his pockets…sooner or later, they’ll discover something that makes them feel it’s time to move on.

    28
  • Moh
    05.02.2019

    It takes maturity for such a union to exist. I applaud the man and his two wives * clap clap*.

  • Ike
    05.02.2019

    I like this man.The society doesn’t define him

  • Mu
    05.02.2019

    My momma’s pops was polygamous. She tells me that their family image was great. My grandfather was a happy man. But his wives werent. His kids too. But this is back then. Polygamy works well for men but that’s just it. The rest live with or inherit insecurities, pain, bitterness and anger which comes to the forefront when the man of the home dies. Someday the balanced scales he imagines in his head, will tilt. And then it will be mayhem.

    37
    • Rolynn
      05.02.2019

      I think so too.. I feel some level of suppressed emotion, hidden resentment, an eerie silence.. War drums beating silently which may explode at the slightest provocation. Good luck to him.

      2
      • Eric
        09.02.2019

        Would you rather have sly conniving partner than one who is honest and really into the relationship? As he said he doesn’t prescribe polygamy. But I sure will never advocate for adultery even if its the best kept secret. Selfishness makes people conceited. Wish him the best.

  • Sarah
    05.02.2019

    very interesting….this guy is a legend

  • Orang'o
    05.02.2019

    This ninja makes single men look lazy and inefficient
    As my writer friend Douglas waudo depicts in his book, such men are the devils favorite demons. They just cast their wild oats and these daughters of Eve can’t help but graciously oil them.
    Such is life, and to stealth alittle, science of love craves that an engaged man is an attractive man, so is the excerpt from the holy book on adding to those who already have.

    It’s besides the point, the point is Biko you have a special day in my week and that day is Bikoriffic Tuesdays, on to the next one.

    10
  • Bink
    05.02.2019

    Biko, I would wish to be a fly on the wall of every place you have a meeting but that would be unethical..the stories you must have in your head….*sigh* I love your stories because I learn from them. Real people, real stories. This one was wonderful. Putting all his cards on the table, freedom. I wish him all the best.

    4
  • Julia
    05.02.2019

    We need to hear from the wives in a polygamous marriage. I can’t believe I would be wholly intimate with a man who has another wife waiting for him. Nijue ama nisijue, sitaki hiyo. There will always be a favorite. Most likely the first wife.

    17
    • Patrick
      05.02.2019

      I would like to hear from the wives as well. but i believe the the key is the integrity and firmness (remember ‘forbade’)

      2
    • Chiddy
      05.02.2019

      The youngest is the favourite!!

      2
  • Sos
    05.02.2019

    ‘The echo of his footsteps followed him around empty rooms.’ this is funny. Women and the things they have the guts to do,

    1
  • Mercy
    05.02.2019

    A Case of honesty being the best policy.

    1
  • Alexy
    05.02.2019

    Shaiza! !! Now imagine reversing the roles, …if it is a man who leaves, wife still loves him but does not want to stay single and finds another man and gets married…then first husband comes back and wants to try make it work….hmm

    13
  • Naomy Nash
    05.02.2019

    Here is what happens when you lie. First, you have to believe the lie. Then you have to have the energy to embrace that lie, to own it. Then lastly you have to remember that lie, next week, next month, next year. And the thing with one lie is that it needs another lie to cover it and then another lie to cover that one. You are in prison my friend. I’m not in prison

    4
  • Charles
    05.02.2019

    Teach me thine ways ohh great sage!

    1
  • Sky
    05.02.2019

    There’s something eerie about this man, and the military type of family arrangement. Kind of it-must-happen-my-way-or-i’ll-teach-you-a-lesson attitude. Set out here as finesse and skill in managing the two homes, but i can’t help but feel for the 2 wives (who seem like they don’t have much of a choice), and his hapless children who know no better.

    16
    • Nduku
      05.02.2019

      Yap. My thoughts exactly. There is no way this was by choice for these women.

      3
    • P
      06.02.2019

      Actually the wives have a choice, from the beginning he was ready to walk away from both. They stay because something in the whole arrangement works for them. The fact that he refuses to be drawn into their drama I think makes them trust. I could be wrong about that.
      Bottom line is, the wives always have a choice, he even is reconciled to that, but since they chose to stay, then he sets the course, unbelievable, yet admirable, all things considered.

      3
    • Shiku
      06.02.2019

      But they did have a choice to leave. He put the cards on the table. He said if you stay this is the situation. They both wanted the man. They both chose to stay. Knowing fully well and accepting the conditions. I don’t see how that’s millitary.

      2
  • Mark
    05.02.2019

    In summary, honesty is the best policy.

    Lakini this second wife business sounds HARD! Pleasing two women… and the way pleasing just one is difficult… wacha tu.

    5
  • Francis Muoria
    05.02.2019

    What powers are those? Why does God give some men such powers and leave us with only the power to reverse park? So unfair! Because even the best reverse parking maneuvers never made anyone a great husband or father.

    4
  • Orang'o
    05.02.2019

    This ninja makes single men look lazy and inefficient
    As my writer friend Douglas waudo depicts in his book, such men are the devils favorite demons. They just cast their wild oats and these daughters of Eve can’t help but graciously oil them.
    Such is life, and to stealth alittle, science of love craves that an engaged man is an attractive man, so is the excerpt from the holy book on adding to those who already have.

    It’s besides the point, the point is Biko you have a special day in my week and that day is Bikoriffic Tuesdays, on to the next one.

    Well, this man is a wise man, an honest and forgiving man. He is a blessed man. The lastime I was honest I was left with a watsap message “it’s over”
    Some men have special powers. Hahaha

    5
  • Wambui
    05.02.2019

    Let me not lie!! This must have been a tough compromise for all of them!! Wah!!!

    3
  • Lena
    05.02.2019

    My eyes are just popping out… No words Mr.

    1
  • Ineza
    05.02.2019

    Wueh, this one is quite something else. I wonder if after the Italy trip she changed her next of kin?

    1
  • Ogetembe
    05.02.2019

    This guy comes from Nyandi? #Askingforafriend

  • Frida
    05.02.2019

    My wives all know the pattern of unlocking my phone, so do my children. √ honest guy

    3
  • Tanty
    05.02.2019

    I applaud this man for being so honest.

  • Eunice
    05.02.2019

    Honesty is one virtue that has stood out in this story. If only we could be this honest with our spouses, this world would be a better place.

    1
  • Sir Khisa
    05.02.2019

    “You see all these men in this café? Ask them to leave their phones with their wives for 30 minutes. Nobody will have a marriage.”

    1
  • veeh
    05.02.2019

    I’m now laughing at how preposterous (and dangerous) this sounds….me too…I had to pinch myself…always a nice read.

  • Keith
    05.02.2019

    I honestly cannot get over the calmness this man has. This was an awesome read. Thankyou Biko.

    2
  • Christine
    05.02.2019

    This cannot be a true story!

    2
    • Shiku
      06.02.2019

      Haha my thoughts too. Kept thinking noooo…this must be scripted.

  • Wahito
    05.02.2019

    I tip my hat to this man, much respect!

  • Mushie
    05.02.2019

    That’s the thing, we are always afraid to put our cards on the table. We are afraid to offend and hurt but we hurt the ones we love most when we hide cards. People handle truth much easier than deceit….True

    This man is really a mganga and a very wise one….He has superpowers …Woooow!!!

    3
  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    05.02.2019

    Ever watched a saxophonist who blows out notes that pierce right into your soul? Or been around a chef that makes meals that make you find happiness? These are people who do difficult things, sometimes absurd things, and make them seem easy. Almost too easy.

    Well this is where i place this story. I have always thought two wives in the year of our lord 2019 would be a bit much. Throw a stone (maybe not) and ask every random woman it hits if they would be a co-wife. I bet one in a hundred will say yes. Polygamy is difficult and probably absurd but this one man has found those two people willing to work it and his stars have aligned well enough to cast a shadow of luck on his plans.

    11
  • Zappa
    05.02.2019

    Man to Man, notice men are true! Given a fair hearing and space to say it as it should. Wish that’s what we all needed to do always to make this happen in relationship and marriages to work. I am inspired to be true always. Hope all of us are

    1
  • Super Dave
    05.02.2019

    Damn!! Got me thinking about polygamy…

  • AP
    05.02.2019

    Apparently honesty can get you two wives…oh sorry, sisters,

    The kind of strength these women must have to accept such an arrangement….God know’s I can’t

    3
  • Sabby
    05.02.2019

    Hee…Having your cake and eating it…!! Oh well. To each his own!

  • Lydia
    05.02.2019

    “That’s the thing, we are always afraid to put our cards on the table. We are afraid to offend and hurt but we hurt the ones we love most when we hide cards. People handle truth much easier than deceit. “

  • Amos Ole Baari
    05.02.2019

    Wow! I relate. Very well. The truth is a superpower!

  • Irene
    05.02.2019

    The 1st time that i don’t have an opinion……….. eish! One thing stands out though, he is rich and he must be good in bed……. that sells to most women by the way……. I give him a crown though, wauh! respect, enjoy it, man

    4
    • Lyd
      05.02.2019

      My sentiments exactly…

  • L
    05.02.2019

    Ati sister wives? Hahahahaahahahahahahah

    This guy is one of a kind! And the women….impossible to believe!

  • Jack N.
    05.02.2019

    This I agree with; “A wife leaves with a part that you identified with as a man. That part that gave you purpose.”
    The guy is tough to have lived through that lonely period without depression.

    1
  • Antou Anix
    05.02.2019

    Would he still have tow wives if he was a pauper ?

  • Naomi
    05.02.2019

    I wonder what would happen if it was a woman in this situation.
    Like – would she put her cards on the table, and would both men agree to it?
    I know, it’s not an accepted norm, so there would be defiance, but I still wonder.

    Those women are brave. Mimi, sharing siwezi

    5
    • Alexy
      05.02.2019

      My thoughts too..

      Eventually one woman or both will want to be 100% to someone..they will yearn for this its only natural and human… so they will seek this or someone will show up who can give this …and then the cookie crumbles ..its only human. Something will give. Would be interesting for Biko to do a followup say 3-5 years later..

      5
    • Jon WA Oct
      10.02.2019

      You may already be sharing. Look all over, there are soo many polygamous unions and more monogamous unions. Hotels tell me 1 to 2 hours rentals are very common, otherwise our ladies wouldn’t be our every single night on the street seeking to meet men if the did not have customers. Their customers are not aluens.

  • Jay
    05.02.2019

    He is very wise.

  • Kate
    05.02.2019

    Lakini, why are people filling our tv screens with their 2022 nonsense… ladies and gentlemen, behold the man we should vote for president!!

    1
  • Kwamboka
    05.02.2019

    I would love to hear the women’s side of the story.

    2
  • Florence
    05.02.2019

    Here is what happens when you lie. First you have to believe the lie. Then you have to have the energy to embrace that lie, to own it. Then lastly you have to remember that lie, next week, next month, next year. And the thing with one lie is that it needs another lie to cover it and then another lie to cover that one. You are in prison my friend.

    This is very true !!!

    1
  • Nancy
    05.02.2019

    By Jove! Takes sober and mature individuals to make such unions work. Happiness is however relative; walk us through the wives and children’s experiences, their shoes might as well pinch.

    2
  • Lisa
    05.02.2019

    Say what now! that one is the real mganga kutoka tanga

  • SAL
    05.02.2019

    you cannot operate against the nature.You cannot mind-read.People feign satisfaction and happiness till the elasticity point is reached then the irrefutable suppressed normal human emotions erupts like a volcano.

    No one who lives to be a successful liar!
    The man sound strong and straightforward.It’s a rarity.

    2
  • Shirmon
    05.02.2019

    No. Kwangu haiwesmek. Zi.

    4
  • abdullah omar
    05.02.2019

    co-wife ! sounds a bit mercantile!

    1
  • lily
    05.02.2019

    Biko was the next of kin eventually changed to reflect his wish?

    1
  • Wahito
    05.02.2019

    I subscribe to this. Honesty, polygamy, provision, professing love and protection.

    1
  • Kaitty
    05.02.2019

    Supreme confidence, exactly what lacks in our men today. If only men embraced even three quarters of this man’s manliness/ confidence/ wisdom so many marriages would be saved.

    4
    • Tasha
      05.02.2019

      97% of men are liars and can’t man up like him. That’s why their relationships and marriages fail flat on their faces. This dude is a Man!

      7
  • Mutanu
    05.02.2019

    I have read this article with baited breath, really. I want o imagine it’s imagination! The dude is soooo lucky, honestly. How, how, how. Ati he is how old? Even my mum in her 60s i don’t see her agreeing to sharing. I’m ourra here

    3
  • Fid
    05.02.2019

    Tough decisions there. Life is journey with many roads and T junctions. How you take it is yours – how fast you ride is yours – which lane you take is yours.

  • cindy
    05.02.2019

    First I come from polygamous family n its not heaven but hell on earth. Non of my father wives, is together with him right now n he have really affected our lives or My life . for me I will never associate with a married man. I Choose God’s way i.e One man for One wife.

    7
  • Switch
    05.02.2019

    You may want to interview the “sisters”

    6
  • Wangechi
    05.02.2019

    wow, someone tell my husband to get me a ‘sister’. he makes this arrangement seem like heaven. his story is my favorite so far.

  • Wangechi
    05.02.2019

    wow, someone tell my husband to get me a ‘sister’. that first wife must have jazzed him. he makes this arrangement seem like heaven. his story is my favorite so far.

  • Qoi
    05.02.2019

    This will be my life in a few months. My(our) man says so. Am scared. Not sure how 1st wife will take it. She knows about me though

    4
  • Mayul
    05.02.2019

    Sometimes there are people who hacks the password to lotteries of life. If at all, one girlfriend/boyfriend is a problem to some people, what kind of life will that lead when he/she gets married to that same woman or man? Those two wives got special place on the right hand side of God in heaven.

    1
  • Gregory
    05.02.2019

    This guy is a legend. I wish most women could be reasonable like those two and realize that they can all live in harmony. The world would be a far much happier place.

  • Shiroh
    05.02.2019

    Heh. Mixed reactions when reading this one. Not sure I can hack such an arrangement.

  • Meliki
    05.02.2019

    I total subscribe to this, honesty!!

    “Because I was straight with her,” he says. “I put my all my cards on the table. That’s the thing, we are always afraid to put our cards on the table. We are afraid to offend and hurt but we hurt the ones we love most when we hide cards. People handle truth much easier than deceit. I remember when I met my second wife in the café the second time, I told her, ‘You are seated with a married man.’ I told her all about my first wife and how she left me and how I have never quite reconciled with that.

  • Stacy
    05.02.2019

    I always look forward to Tuesday because of the articles.

    Honestly, I find it hard to feel sad or relate to any of the men in this new series. When I read these articles, I empathise more with the women who “supposedly” hurt these men than with the men themselves. These men have ‘hurt’ other women before but when one woman does as much as steps on their toenail, it becomes front page news.

    About this current story, I applaud the man for being honest. I think he is a good man but this must have been a tough compromise, especially for his second wife. I don’t think she ever imagined being a co-wife.

    My dear ladies,
    Unless the first wife is dead, don’t agree to marry a man unless you are willing to be a co-wife. Even if your husband and his first wife don’t reconcile and get married again, your marriage will still be affected by his first wife and there will always be three people in that marriage.

    11
  • Adobi
    05.02.2019

    This story is simply mind-blowing.

  • Penny
    05.02.2019

    Given his circumstances, I love how he has tried to manage the family. It is working. But God forbid one day he looses the centre that holds and makes this so perfectly balanced.

  • EssieTala
    05.02.2019

    When life gives you lemon…..

    I’m in awe.

  • Joe Brown
    05.02.2019

    What an arrangement? Where both wives are happy??

  • mereigner
    05.02.2019

    i dont know at what point a woman makes such a decision. because when we are young, we are opinionated, we are self assured, we are rightly selfish, and i am at this point. so what baffles me is when is the tipping point? when do we say, its okay, i can share, its okay, we cant have it all, its okay, i cant live without this man? i really would like to know …. honestly, i hope i never get to that point. i want to be voraciously selfish with my dreams and standards, because i believe no one ever projects such a future.

    6
    • MsichanaMwafrika
      06.02.2019

      When is the tipping point?
      *When we’ve lived a little and found out just how long we’ve been unknowingly sharing our husbands with other women
      *When the options on the table are walk and struggle, or stay and live in relative comfort.
      *When we consider that generally speaking most of us choose the same man over and over and over, so there’s little point in leaving one cheat for another.

      Life can make us very pragmatic.

      1
      • Ocampo
        07.02.2019

        You are a mhenga, truly very pragmatic. There’s no need trying to ask if she got it

  • Joash
    05.02.2019

    Biko, apart from Italy and the number of women in this story, “next-of-kin” is a terrifying road that some of us have walked in the last decade. The “sister” thinking dangerously backfired twice and at sunset of the third trial, a “Taliban” reality reigned. Thereafter it became a war zone. Dangerous little Mogadishu. This “next-of-kin” reality has nurtured three territorial women warlords with egos permanently curled into the future. This spell remains unbroken 14 years on. I’m 42!

    1
  • Kambua
    05.02.2019

    Well done. You are indeed a free man and I admire you from where I stand. Men who are honest are rare. I pray that you maintain your families.

    4
  • CJ
    05.02.2019

    Don’t try this at home…

    4
  • Ngari
    05.02.2019

    Life goals. The lessons up in here!

  • Gold
    05.02.2019

    It’s possible that these women are pretending, as a person who has handled Estates of deceased persons ,these women show their true self when the husband dies, but if by some chance that they are truly happy then .Wow !!

    4
  • Ivy
    05.02.2019

    Lawd sounds easier on screen.

    1
  • rose njeri
    05.02.2019

    An incredible piece!Biko it seems you had 2019 vocabulary goals.. and you working on them-I mean the “groove” part.

  • Cici
    05.02.2019

    Waahhhh… This guy is special… Lakini sharing, I kent

  • Nduku
    05.02.2019

    It is said once married….always married! But this arrangement here works this guy only, not the women. While it was not their fault, he didnt give them any choice. And did I mention that he slapped the first wife? And that is the only bit he reported.

    4
  • Dennis
    05.02.2019

    Wow. I didn’t see that coming. To me the story was only going two ways: 1st wife is back,number 2 is out or 1st wife is gone. That man is a legend.

    Thanks for sharing.

    1
  • Altanativ Thinka
    05.02.2019

    Sons make men do things. The 1st wife almost made half of his face disappear with a like hard potato fist punch…She left with his toothbrush, he had to shower without soap because even that she did not leave behind. She went to Italy and realized she could not manage life without him and came back to be taken care of by him….She is not loyal and she will shag someone if she is not already….She must be the one who was lying that the child is sick and mganga would say lets meet at Getrudes…lol

    Utamu wa bhangi ni wasiwasi…I would rather have one and be sneaking out if I need more excitement, but this right here is work. One of the reasons men always die first…If you don’t believe me check how many of your 30+ friends only have a mom left.

    2
  • Wanjiru
    05.02.2019

    Well, this will be me – officially – in a few months. 2nd wife. May be Biko should look for the like of us and interview us
    To be honest, am scared

    4
    • Rolynn
      05.02.2019

      I think so too.. I feel some level of suppressed emotion, hidden resentment, an eerie silence.. War drums beating silently which may explode at the slightest provocation. Good luck to him.

      2
  • Nyox
    05.02.2019

    Very, very convincing. Polygamy 101 #Honesty.

  • Faiza Wangui
    05.02.2019

    It would be great to hear this story from the perspective of the wives and children who have to share him. Hear this story from the perspective of a co-wife who has to compromise because “he loves both of you”, and the children who live their lives experiencing his “honesty”. It would be nice just for once for a man to understand how good we are at pretending to be happy, how great we are at faking orgasms and enduring shame and humiliation just for the sake of the kids. Just so we can have the last laugh.

    15
    • Rita
      05.02.2019

      @Faiza you have spoken for hundreds of women who just tolerate men for the sake of many things. We are masters of faking and oh yes, don’t leave out the last laugh.

      6
    • Gold
      06.02.2019

      Word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1
  • Trish
    05.02.2019

    It’s a lie!!! Even parents have favourite kids.. they just won’t admit it. If he was willing to take back the 1st wife.. then that’s the one he loves more. He’s really trying though . Great read..

    3
  • Angel
    05.02.2019

    Why it works for this man is because he is honest , respectful, straightforward and truthful. That’s all women need from men..

    1
    • Njeri
      06.02.2019

      And money to support both families

      1
  • Mrs. Hassan
    05.02.2019

    Dont let my name fool you…..this would never work with me. Ati “sister”……who is fooling who here. I know a lady…stayed in this arrangement for over 10years……last Dec she packed her things, sold her house and left that man to fend for his 2 other wives. I want to know the women’s story.

    2
  • Mercy
    05.02.2019

    This guy just accepted the first wife because it made him feel good about himself, more of ‘you’ve traveled the world and still came back to me’ vibes. On the other hand he was unfair to the 2nd damsel. My Conclusion, he must be quite loaded, pocket wise, very loaded, that’s the ultimate motivation for both wives to stay.

    6
  • Kebaki
    05.02.2019

    Wah! Let me reserve my sentiments.

  • Malmoraa
    05.02.2019

    Very wise man…..it works for him

  • Sherry
    05.02.2019

    Honesty is King. A concept most men can’t fathom.

    4
  • Phillipita
    05.02.2019

    Respect, to the writer and subject

  • Robert k (iv)
    05.02.2019

    At this point I think anything is possible even in my life. I might hit 35 single or with two wives. Who knows

    1
  • Tuny
    06.02.2019

    I wonder if a threesome has ever crossed any of their minds

    3
  • Ms. Dee
    06.02.2019

    First, do such men exist… not the polygamous type but those so clear on their role as husband and father. Then one with solomonic wisdom to keep 2 women happy and content. I admire him, his clarity of vision, his desire to not sacrifice one wife for the other and the balance he has managed to establish in his two homes. Plus I love that he is honest and has no secrets and that he just fair.. no one bad mouthes the other. Marriage works.

  • Dee
    06.02.2019

    First, do such men still exist? He reminds me of my Grandfather’s generation.. Men who knew what it is to be a man, men who maintained more that one household and kept the peace. I love his sense of purpose. Just curios, how does church fit in the current arrangement? Is his pastor aware? Kudos to them and I wish them a happy long life.

  • Erick
    06.02.2019

    This is very interesting.

  • enagaB
    06.02.2019

    “We are seated with our heads close together, as if we are planning to hold an illegal gathering in Uhuru park.”
    Hehehe. BikoZulu the great. Your teachers in Primary School must have been looking forward to reading your English compositions. Salute Sir.

  • Freddie
    06.02.2019

    Great piece. The first wife might have accepted this arrangement as restitution to her attempt to pull down the family for a “better” life. Moral of the story; honest men are made by the first wives!

  • Grace Guya
    06.02.2019

    I hope the first wife has matured and will not be easily manipulated by her sister or any other person. That man weh. To furnish his first wife’s house after she took everything and left. What if she does that again ? Sounds like hajijui . the bible verse about the prodigal son (replace son with wife ) comes to mind.

    1
  • Jeje
    06.02.2019

    Lakini you missed your chance to ask whether they have threesomes

    1
  • Irene
    06.02.2019

    Its only during death that the true nature or a polygamous marriage comes to light. So for now we assume everything is okay and perfect..

    3
  • Andre Mlawatu
    06.02.2019

    I salute the gentleman, he deserves an oscar award for best role or the C.E.O award for the year…..I give him a standing ovation

  • Linkman
    06.02.2019

    It is all well. The man is strong. He acknowledged his feelings for first wife when she returned. He did not take the road of I told you so. He convinced his second wife and resisted her blackmail(its either her or me). This is all hunky dory. What I would like to read.. and probably never will… is the other side(s) of the story. Let’s hear if what’s good for the goose is acceptable to the gander. If these sides of the story were to be told in confidence then we could finally verify (or not) whether the guy is truly a mganga.

    7
  • Anjeyo Ananda
    06.02.2019

    Here is what happens when you lie. First you have to believe the lie. Then you have to have the energy to embrace that lie, to own it. Then lastly you have to remember that lie, next week, next month, next year. And the thing with one lie is that it needs another lie to cover it and then another lie to cover that one.

    This got to me a good one.

    1
  • Adhiss
    06.02.2019

    Holy Choir of heaven, with King David as the choir master!!!!

    2
  • Simon Benedict
    06.02.2019

    Wonderful, I have a close friend with two wives, he employs close to the same strategy as our above mentioned. This is you life live it the best way you can.

  • Hellen Atieno
    06.02.2019

    For someone who left…..well, I find the nigga wrak

  • Judith Adhiambo
    06.02.2019

    Honesty is truly an important virtue in our lives. Say the truth even if it’s scary, ugly and hurtful. It sets you free. That is the part I like about this man.
    Otherwise the polygamy part, oh well! Just how does that work? I struggle to believe that.

  • Lilian Omoke
    06.02.2019

    A good husband knows where the family is headed. You are the captain of the ship. You give direction, you make decisions, you offer leadership. I always tell my wives, ‘we are going that direction and this is why I think it’s a good direction’ and if they have an objection we will all discuss it. A good husband provides for his family

    This type of guys are rare

    • passerby
      06.02.2019

      very very rare. all women are craving for this kind of man…lakini hatuwapati no wonder many woman now are wearing the pants in the family

  • Okello
    06.02.2019

    This is a ‘mganga ‘ in deed. He’s also very wise and upfront. I need a mentor Biko

  • MAUREEN
    06.02.2019

    Wow!! He makes it easy, but i like. *wink*

  • Eskay
    06.02.2019

    Wrong heading alert; ought to have been Next of Skin!

    2
  • Maureen
    06.02.2019

    Can you please interview the second wife to make me understand how she agreed to this arrangement because I don’t get it.

    3
  • Noah
    06.02.2019

    Interesting lives… this is juju! how no.2 was convinced to stay is a miracle

  • Wambui
    06.02.2019

    I feel like someone told my story!This is exactly what am going through at this specific time, it is driving me mad and I dont know how to take it all. I wish he would handle it with as much modesty as the guy in the story.

    2
    • Catherine
      06.02.2019

      Pole sana. Talk to someone about it.

    • kate
      06.02.2019

      really? interesting. may be its a sign.. that it may all work out and such unions work out. this story could be the answer you have been asking God for

  • Barack
    06.02.2019

    So how many ladies reading this will accept to have a ” sister” in their marriage? This guy tho!

    1
  • Wanjiru
    06.02.2019

    We are surely created and assembled uniquely. I can’t fit in such an arrangement. I can’t imagine how I would survive the weeks that he will be visiting number 2. This arrangement can only work for a mganga indeed. May that spell fail miserably if my husband ever tried to use it on me.

    1
    • Ocampo
      07.02.2019

      And all the ladies shouted AMEN!

  • Ciiru
    06.02.2019

    Absolutely no way he doesn’t have a favourite

    1
  • Dot
    06.02.2019

    First of all, please have the comment box moved to the top. You have to scroll through all these comments to get here.
    Secondly, IMO, that man alikosea bibi sana. Unaita aje bibi na chokora kwa meza moja? Unless there’s something he’s not telling us, hapo kila mtu arudi kwa baba yake. Mutoto kwa baba yake na mumama kwa baba yake. Bringing out the wife’s family to share a table with rude, disrespectful and ungrateful people. Smh. That child would have found his way home.

    1
  • Jackline
    06.02.2019

    Oh my God. This is such a beautiful story. I don’t know whether i can manage though. That’s a strong man right there. I like his level of honesty. Its what has kept the family together,

  • Risper
    06.02.2019

    Weleeeeee! I have so much to say, and then i have nothing to say. Yaaaaaaaaani, this is the story that leaves you in that surreal place.

    1
  • Kuyah
    06.02.2019

    Two things; ” but sometimes the language of madness is what we understand” ….”we are afraid to offend and hurt but we hurt the ones we love the most when we hide cards”

    Clearly all this is like a Nigerian movie with a bad sound. I am left with so much awe i cannot understand how this is so possible under the sun.

    Captivating read though..hehe

  • Mnati
    06.02.2019

    “…seated alone with her watery eyes and full lips, sucking juice through a lucky straw”. Apt , Biko, very aptly put.

  • Kerry
    06.02.2019

    Wooow!! This guy is a genius, having two wives with no conflict? We need more men like him.

  • Liz Wambui
    06.02.2019

    There’s two sides to every story… In this case three… Having a hard time believing everything is dandy… ati he enjoys being in both houses equally…nah! Biko, you know what would make an even more incredible story? Interview the wives. Thumbs up to him for making both women stay though….

  • Emily
    06.02.2019

    ‘Also, there was a little matter of love; he still loved her. The idea of having her back seemed like a grand idea. But the idea of leaving his current wife was also grandly out of the question. He was in love with two women. He wanted to have and eat his cake. Or basically be a man, in short.’ (There is crazy)

    “Yes, also obviously one wife has a better job than the other so she might try and outshine the other by buying better clothes for her children. I saw this coming and we discussed this with them and we agreed that if one wife buys clothes for her children, it’s only fair that she buys the same for other wife’s children, because those are her sister’s children and your sister’s children are your children, no?” (Then there is very Crazy)

    Anywho….the only way you ll laugh while reading this is by imagining you are reading a fictitious delusive novel ….like let it not occur to you midway the article that Biko writes reality…facts…absolute truth…
    Otherwise you’ll miss the humour….Very good read!

  • Ciku
    06.02.2019

    You guy!

    A wife can plant a tree in the corner of the bedroom and you would not know before Easter…. smh, how true this is.
    I’m glad you kept your word, Biko, this column on Men and Marriages is a real treat 🙂

    1
  • kate
    06.02.2019

    This has to be the MOST interesting story so far.but i loved the honesty of this man.those women are strong. he may enjoy the women the same but from their perspective you will find the sex is not as great every time.in ‘threesomes’ someone always suffers.

  • Joy
    06.02.2019

    Please take me for a 3rd wife, I will take care of all my bills.

    1
  • Benji
    06.02.2019

    LMAO. Biko, you just made up this story. Unbelievable. How!!!

  • Okaka Felix
    06.02.2019

    Mganga no doubt.
    His Juju is working.

  • NoFlowersForMyValentine
    06.02.2019

    You guys are busy applauding the man, I’m here praying hard that I don’t land a lady who’s like the first wife. The guy spent so much on her only to have her duped by the sister into leaving. I don’t know what I would I would if a lady did that to me. I guess I would resolve like Lord Egerton.

  • Mtu Liberty
    06.02.2019

    This is how my government should behave. Know its role(s) , place and let me be…. Free as I please in my space

  • Marjorie
    06.02.2019

    Chances of this guy getting depressed are minimal. He’s handling his business like a man should, instead of sleeping around left, right, center like boys do. He is manning up and taking responsibility for his decisions. I wish we had more like him.

    5
  • Abi
    07.02.2019

    “Sisterhood” my ass

    1
  • Sophie
    07.02.2019

    I don’t really get at what point do a woman makes just decision that ” it okey we can share, or we can have it all, because we are rightly selfish.

    1
  • Kioi
    07.02.2019

    Now that’s a mganga for real.waoh….

  • A girl has no name
    07.02.2019

    Niko. Umeshinda.

  • ED
    07.02.2019

    Your sister’s children are actually your nieces and nephews!!! But this man requires the Head of State Commendation (HSC) past recipients have received it for lesser deeds.

  • Kawi
    07.02.2019

    This is messed up

    1
  • Tina81
    07.02.2019

    It would be nice to hear the wives’ side of the story… “if one buys new clothes for their children you must buy for all the kids”… I hope the ladies are genuinely happy though!

  • Gilbert
    07.02.2019

    ………..Having two wives might not work for the next guy, …….I can’t question your choices as a man, can I?”

    ……Word….

  • Macy
    07.02.2019

    Am loving the honesty bit in this relationships

    As said, saves you the agony of having to remember lies

    1
  • Winny
    07.02.2019

    Waaaa for sure polygamy doesn’t work for ALL ..it’s a choice n decision that each one has to make…
    Good read Biko

  • Lizzy Liz
    07.02.2019

    Amaze is an understatement.
    …..We are afraid to offend and hurt but we hurt the ones we love most when we hide cards. People handle truth much easier than deceit….. That’s my greatest learning

  • Gacoki
    07.02.2019

    I enjoyed reading this. Reminds me of Will , Jada and Trey’s mum.

    A correction: “he wanted to make this two beds he had to lie on both of them.”
    *these*

  • Tweed
    07.02.2019

    Reading this left me so upset and I don’t even know them. I’m sad for what could have been. It stirred up long buried emotions when I saw my mama go though this so many years ago. The hurt and betrayal always stays and if they outlive him, the claws come out. It may seem like bliss for his family but the surpressed anger, broken confidence and just general fatigue from keeping up appearances will get the better of them and all hell breaks loose. In this instance the second wife is the victim of this being thrust upon her. Usually it’s the first wife who suffers in silence but this lady seemingly couldn’t have her husband enjoy his wealth with newbie. So in classic fashion, if I can’t have it all, I must have some and I don’t care who this hurts. I dare say, this is not the last of her antics and they will discover the sleeping serpent.

    1
    • Ocampo
      07.02.2019

      You are a philosopher

  • Evans Langat
    07.02.2019

    Educative piece. There is so much married men can learn from this story.

  • Macy
    07.02.2019

    Am loving the honesty bit in this relationship

    All said n done, saves you the agony of having to remember lies

  • Pam
    07.02.2019

    All his cards are on the table that’s good hope the “sisters” also have put all their cards on the table. He should take his uganga a notch higher and build one house to accommodated all of them after all they are “sisters” siblings live together.

    1
  • Judy
    07.02.2019

    “Why does God give some men such powers and leave us with only the power to reverse park?”
    Dead!! Too funny.

    This guy is soooo …. Incharge! Even if you don’t agree with polygamy, you have to admire him for casting his vision to two women (two women!!) and obtaining buy-in for his strategy and objectives! He is executing admirably well!!
    If I were Safaricom or EABL or some big-shot company, I would head-hunt him…

  • Ocampo
    07.02.2019

    My two cents from the Story;
    * The first wife ( knife) ni moto wa kuotea mbali…….a matter of time before she pulls something crazy
    *The first wife doesnt love him but he does it- very sad story. She’s eaten her cake and had it.
    *There’s nothing great about this guy – this story is about his betrayal to his second wife. Took you when your life was broken, then you bring in the serpent you talked ill about all these days.
    *The son was not a motivation big enough to take back the first wife – he could take care of him from wherever.

    9
    • Joel
      07.02.2019

      That first wife is just wrong. She will be this man’s downfall. No loyalty whatsoever, he should be very weary.

      5
  • Sophie
    07.02.2019

    This is a man who’s wisdom compares to Solomon’s… I’m glad it’s working for him.. For marriages, whether polygamous or monogamous, openness is is the way to go.

  • beth
    07.02.2019

    waauuuu….is this,like true story?? I feel like I have just been reading some fiction! Wauu

  • tina
    07.02.2019

    Gah! I want to make this into a movie. Juju man and all! Thank you chocolate man. Again..

    • Nyagus
      07.02.2019

      Great a read this is…so relatable, but not in a marriage setting haha,…and def no kids part!!
      Placing your card on the table works for real!!

  • Pato
    08.02.2019

    Biko, Do you ever read our comments and think how much we need to come to your Master class not to Master writing but to actually learn to write? May be you never even come back to these posts after posting.

  • Bukowski
    08.02.2019

    He walks into an empty room (former home), and the first person he calls is his brother-not Mother. I’m proud of this man.
    I grew up in a polygamous home
    I have this kind of jelousy, one that can either take me (or cowife, or even husband) to Chiromo and another to Kamiti.

  • Corleone
    08.02.2019

    Legend! Legend!

    I can’t find a better word to describe him.

  • Benjamin Kibunja
    08.02.2019

    ,..that lucky man.. What if he happens to ride the same car with them, which wife would sit at the front..? Oops, maybe they will discuss that next Sunday… I pray he never goes broke…!!

    1
    • Arthur Mutinda
      08.02.2019

      And if he goes broke, the first wife will definitely leave him. Take this to the bank.

      5
  • Peter
    08.02.2019

    I really enjoyed this article. The comments though are at another level. I can’t stop laughing out.

    4
  • Stella.V
    08.02.2019

    Women are so disappointing. I wish we could learn to love ourselves just as much as men clearly do and learn to put our wants and needs first.
    Its extremely shameful we can’t get away with half the things that men get away with. Roles reversed,no man would agree to be caught in the middle of such a messy set up. There’s more than enough love to go around. Don’t agree to be second pickings in the name of following heteronomartive expectations and in the name of ‘ having someone to call a husband or wife ‘.

    9
    • Jamila
      08.02.2019

      Best response I have read this whole week. Why settle?????

      4
    • PW
      08.02.2019

      this is very true

  • Steve
    08.02.2019

    This is a bonafide mess.

    4
  • Grace
    08.02.2019

    Real power is having enough money for your kind of situation and the ability to make resolute decisions.

  • Smdh
    08.02.2019

    i wish Biko asked this guy what is a good wife…no wait…i bet his answer would be, “one who obeys me and sits in the house waiting for me to bring the bread and if they are lucky, get some..when i’m mentally ready” …if your only role in life is to be a this version of wife, then you will accept such nonsense…smdh…I wonder if he would have taken the first wife back if she had a daughter…I pity the kids…they had no choice in picking dumb parents

    2
  • Kambua
    08.02.2019

    Men as a concept are fine, but the execution is just terrible.

    3
  • Wanjiku Manyatta
    08.02.2019

    ‘He couldn’t even brush his teeth – his toothbrush was gone. ‘ Kwani he didn’t have a tooth brush out there during the the trip he had just returned from? I

    • Linkman
      11.02.2019

      Could have been a day trip. Nakuru can be done in a day.

  • Jojo
    08.02.2019

    Mganga kweli .this man is a true defination of being your own self .not letting the society define who we are .

  • Rita
    08.02.2019

    If a relationship is not built on a solid foundation, it will come down.

    3
  • Gingermay
    09.02.2019

    *The marriage started going tits up gradually. He felt slighted. She felt affronted. He wanted her to be the woman he had known. She didn’t how to be that woman, and if she did, she didn’t want to because she was this woman now and she wanted him to treat her like someone who had evolved, not a photo of a landscape that never changes.*

    That there is change, the constant that always changes.

  • Iqaaqa Sibakabaka
    10.02.2019

    For the appropriation in “She lunged..”, and apparent fly-by-night polygamists’ white paper/starter pack, asante sana.

  • Jon WA Oct
    10.02.2019

    You may already be sharing. Look all over, there are soo many polygamous unions and more monogamous unions. Hotels tell me 1 to 2 hours rentals are very common, otherwise our ladies wouldn’t be our every single night on the street seeking to meet men if the did not have customers. Their customers are not aluens.

  • Rehema Zuberi
    10.02.2019

    Is this supposed to convince me of polygamy? I don’t know if I can ever handle it. Good thing it’s working for Eve and the lady with teary eyes and full lips.

    https://reshonlineblog.wordpress.com/2019/02/09/you/

  • Tshique
    10.02.2019

    Yaani a polygamy can be birthed as a result of kukosa kuwa next of kin? Interesting read as usual. Keep em coming Biko.

  • Rose Mulebeke
    10.02.2019

    Good read! Polygamy is not easy.

  • Rose Mulebeke
    10.02.2019

    Women sometimes settle for so little. Pity

  • Sharon
    11.02.2019

    There’s something striking about honesty,at first after you hear it you feel scorned but after you think about for a while you appreciate the openness and now the next thing is to ask yourself if you’re okay with it or not

    1
  • scola
    11.02.2019

    Honesty is the way to go…..good read Biko!

  • Chelimo
    11.02.2019

    The paradox of modern love and relations…wueeeh!!

  • Sheeqow
    11.02.2019

    Always thought am the type that could never share… Reading this, made me re-think….. Nice read Biko.

  • Edwin Mumbi
    11.02.2019

    something is clear about this man-his deep pockets and high libido.This is a classic example that marriage can be made and sustained by MONEY.

  • Ojwang'
    11.02.2019

    If only a greater percentage of men would manage polygamous marriages, half of the world’s problems would be solved.
    Amazing piece!

  • Wairimu
    11.02.2019

    Ha ha ha Mwalimu. I can only imagine your face and all the expressions as you heard this story. Chinekeeee, who would have ever imagined a full blown polygamous marriage in this day and age… And one that is working? I smell an IED.

  • DEFILED
    12.02.2019

    Nonsense

  • Becky Akoth
    13.02.2019

    Biko,whereas you do make for some very great reads with these straight from the hearts of men stories this year, we wait patiently for next year where we hope and pray you will do some much needed follow up for the other side of the coin revelations to shed more light on why these stories had the peculiar endings they did. As for this particular story, allow me to give my five cents on it:
    1) This gentleman paints polygamy and polygamous unions with a simplistic brush of harmonious big family mainly because he is the sole beneficiary of this. He claims he is happy and content with his two wives and shares his time equally amongst the two families. He doesn’t think of bringing in another woman into the equation and makes us believe that because he has his two wives, he is content. However, how do we know if it is the same for the wives? In my opinion, this arrangement only favors him and his ego as a man.
    2) Often in such kind of unions, the sole beneficiary is always the man and his ego. And indeed, the wives (sisters) suppress their true feelings until the man goes six feet under. Kindly research on funerals of wealthy or great polygamous men and see the shenanigans that surround such affairs. I believe this is very self-explanatory. Also, look into the trail of destruction it leaves post the man’s death in terms of psychological trauma on both wives and children. I am part of this bandwagon but that can be a story for another day.
    3)Kindly also make a point to interview children of polygamous homes after interviewing the sister wives to get an all-round clearer understanding of who exactly does polygamy benefit and how it affects the family unit as a whole and not just the polygamous man. You can include Dr. Frank Njenga in this process for you to understand truly why we have the serious problems in our society today based on the inactions of our father’s egos and how if untreated, our sons grow up to propagate the same shenanigans. To use polygamy as an answer to the cheating menace is akin to playing with a sharpened double-edged sword. When you get around to this, you can reach out to me. As a child survivor of a forced polygamous union, I can tell you first hand what that life is like, what lessons I learned, and why to date I would give my mother the absolute world but feel absolutely zero for my father.
    4) I appreciate some of the key habits the man shared as his go to in his marriage to avoid confrontations like honesty, respect, providing for the family and giving leadership. These are qualities every woman wants and desires in her man, what she deserves to get out of her husband but sadly what a lot of men do not qualitatively and quantitatively possess.
    5) The misconception that a woman will find every quality in one man. Please let us honestly address this. This perception that women are or should be the only ones to accept polygamous unions is absolute hogwash. Feminazi or not, most women settle on the man who can give them most of what they desire. But even this is not equivalent to the level for a man picking his wife. That said, a man will not hesitate to cheat on his wife or bring in a second or third wife when in all honesty he cannot even meet the needs of his first. I believe it is for this reason that we have a lot of married women having side-pieces who collectively help meet at least 90 percent of her needs. I am curious to know how many men would be willing and ready to share their woman as in this case. Perhaps men will only understand when you do a similar expose on the women in polygamous unions particularly those who are holding fort because of the children but have other men to sort their needs which they cannot wait for a two or three-week rotational cycle to have their turn.

    2
  • Kaberere
    15.02.2019

    good read

  • Douglas
    15.02.2019

    Damn!!!this man is just too perfect in his arrangement with the wives!

  • Sam
    15.02.2019

    Surreal!
    Kumbe all women(not all) really want in a guy is brutal honesty? ok maybe it also helps if one has wide shoulders and an assertive demeanour, but, eish, jogoos really do exist. But that physical abusive part is not cool. Whose to stop him from acting like that in future whenever his ego is challenged?

  • Kim the third
    18.02.2019

    This man is a legend and a hero, he is batman in my books, he sought open dialogue (communication ) , he delegates, he gives freedom of free will, he provides, goal oriented, a visionary,a humanitarian, this guy has wisdom as king Solomon and he is the version men out here are ever wanting to be, at peace and happy. Respect man.

  • Emily Omondi
    19.02.2019

    Wherever the wisdom of this man oozes from! He needs to a forum to school men. Such a great read

  • Keritu Keega Muno
    19.02.2019

    I would like to hear wife #1’s story. The interviewee is a controlling wife batterer whose wives cling to him probably because he is a provider ‘read rich’. I pity the wife who discovered that she can be free of his controlling grip only to come back. Why would you leave someone you do not trust {hence why he was not listed as her next of kin} only to come back?

  • Jane
    20.02.2019

    Whaaatt?? this needs a lot of grace . Not for the faint hearted ..salute to the guy

  • Original Kenyan
    20.02.2019

    The first wife either returned because of jealousy (he had moved on), or because the man’s business was now doing well.

  • Gloria Mutinda
    21.02.2019

    As Obama rightfully said, “You don’t need eight women around you twerking” self confidence is paramount in life. Why do you need two wives?

  • Fred Ogalo
    26.02.2019

    It’s true.Victor Balla of Houston has confidence the size of Australia

  • Robert
    26.02.2019

    “He wanted to have and eat his cake. Or basically be a man, in short. He called his brother, his thinktank, and he suggested that a meeting for all was necessary. So they convened a kangaroo court, almost 15 people in total. There were five people from Eve’s family, including her mother, five people from his own family, including his father, five people from his wife’s family, including one of those tough uncles who speaks while tapping his walking cane on the ground.
    The meeting lasted 12-hours, non-stop, no breaks…
    This is super hilarious. This guy is a legend.

  • Zorroellie
    03.03.2019

    …flash forward to day after his death….Biko should live long to tell us the afterlife. This guy has a special seat in heaven next to King Solomon

    1
  • Gregory
    08.03.2019

    Well that was an interesting twist – the first wife returning and agreeing to share the man.

    That said, what she did (or tried to do) – going to Italy et al was such a misstep that I think she must be kicking herself everyday. Why do women do that to us? Don’t they realise we also hurt when we see the love of our life turning her back for some mundane reason such as “looking for a better life?” This simply implies that you viewed the guy as a meal ticket instead of a companion/friend/lover. This needs to stop!!!!

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