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A Baby And The Sack

Dear, Gang.

I hope this missive finds you well. (When you wrote to a chick in high school back in the hey days you always started your letter like that. The word “missive” was such a big word then, bigger than “quagmire.”) I’ve been in the middle of some exhaustive safaris; drives through barren land, early morning flights, late nights (I will tell you what happened to me in Baobab Diani at 2am) etc. Last night – in my unfailing wisdom- I went to this bar called the San Deck in Sandton and chapad three and a half doubles of whisky, the plan was to come back to my room and get some writing done but I was so knackered I dozed off in the car to the hotel. I staggered through my room with sleep and exhaustion grabbing my throat.  A little voice in my head whispered, “Chocolate Man, let it go, sleep.” So I slept.

Suffice it to say, this week I won’t write. So I asked our very able foodie turned mother – Sophie Gitonga – to bang something to run something in place, and she did. Always showing up with tight copy, this one.

I will still be in safari pretty much whole of this week, but I’m doing mini-blogs (like those mini-burgers) on my Instagram and Facebook (check out bikozulu), so you can plug in there if you find a loose moment you aren’t filling with sensible stuff.

Otherwise how’s Nai? Where has the Standard Gauge Railway Project fikad? Er, I heard it rained jana. I step out for a minute and the bloody rain comes, ey? I love when it rains and the tarmack smells of  earthy-steamy things. I could put my face on tarmac and ask for a pillow.

It’s 4:23am. I  have to shower (it’s always advisable) and catch another flight out of here.

Si we speak on IG and Facebook? Kwenye mtandao, ama?

Happy days.

Yours, (not like literally, gents).

Chocolate Man.

 

***

 

By Mama Pendo

Our kid at six months is fun…sometimes.

She’s an early riser, a trait I find perplexing since she doesn’t have a job she’s going to. She doesn’t have to be anywhere for the next 5 years but she’s already prepping for when she’ll need to be waking up at 6am.  She lies in her crib for a while, kicking out her legs while talking or singing or communicating to the unseen world. Waiting for one of us to stir and come get her.  She owns us. We lie in bed in complete denial, each of us feigning deep sleep. I nudge the good husband with my foot:

-It’s your turn to get her; I need 10 more minutes of sleep

-I can’t babe (his groggy reply, notice how he subtly uses the word ‘babe’, it’s a ploy and I fall for it every time). A mosquito kept me up last night.

-A bloody mosquito?! Your baby kept me up last night (I use this tactic of making the baby his and therefore his fault and therefore guilt-inducing)

-OK how about a coin toss, heads you get her, tails I get her?

I consider his proposal for a moment…this is bad, right? Resolving who will pick up the baby by a coin toss is tantamount to sin, isn’t it?

-No we can’t do that (I come to my senses) but if you get her, I’ll let you have your way with me. This time I promise!

There’s a story there.

No one tells you that sex after children might not measure up to sex before children. They are afraid that if they told you the truth that you’d opt out of the kid thing. And then the whole world would be like Japan – facing population decline and a high number of pensioners having to work until they practically die on the job. So I’ll do the selfless thing and tell you all about it.

Sex before kids is spontaneous, can happen anywhere, anytime. It takes a wink, a suggestive glance, and a sext to get you hot under the collar.  It’s naughty and fun and obnoxiously loud. It’s careless and fearless and works really well when you’ve both agreed that you are not trying to have a kid and have taken the necessary precautions. At the end of it you feel rejuvenated, you could go speed walking; you have so much energy.

Sex after having children, particularly infants, goes a little like this:

-Hi babe (him with the magic word), I was thinking maybe tonight we could…

I know what he’s about to say so I cut him off

-I’m soooooo tired though. The kid has been cranky all day, she didn’t nap, she didn’t eat, she didn’t even poop, she wants to be held, I haven’t bathed, we have no bread, did you pay the elec bill, your mum called, also on Thursday I’d like you to take me to the mall (I’m a master deflector)

-Oh, it’s just that, you know it’s been six weeks since (he comes in with a sympathy rejoinder)

-I know sweetie so why don’t we plan it? How about tomorrow?

-I have that thing with my boys on tomorrow

-Ok let me see, how about Friday? My calendar is wide-open Friday

-Friday what time? I have that proposal I have to turn in

-No I mean Friday next week. This Friday I have that thing I’m doing that I haven’t yet told you about.  We’ll make it quick

-Yeah, OK, that could work. Can you set a reminder on your phone?

And so Friday next week rolls around and it’s so mechanical. Before you’d rip your clothes off and let them fall where they please. But now you undress quietly and fold your clothes into neat piles. It looks like you are going in for a medical exam. You tiptoe around and make muffled screams because whoever’s screaming wakes the baby is responsible for soothing the baby.  And when you are done you shake hands and say thank you. You check it off your list like another one of your chores:

Fuel the car, call Aunt Betty, pick up birthday cake, have sex, go to the salon

I commend the good husband for being supremely patient. It’s frustrating for a lot of guys navigating postpartum intimacy. You’ve just had the baby and while they are stitching you up and the embers from the congratulatory cigars are still smoldering, he’s probably thinking he’ll get you home, prop up your feet, get you a nice cup of tea and some take out and by the time his mother is leaving to go back to shags after her visit, you two could hit the sheets for a rematch.

What follows however is an unmitigated sex drought that could only be equaled if your partner had gone off to war and never returned. The reality is I’m tired a lot of the time and I want to cuddle only. And if he wants more than that I want to say to him, ‘go ahead without me, wake me when you are done’. I have the sexual enthusiasm of a wet fish. When it’s not fatigue it’s how I feel about my body. I used to look good naked, I prided myself in that. I could put it on my CV if it was socially acceptable to do that.

I’m a go-getter and team player, have great presentation skills and look good naked. Enclosed is a letter from my doctor confirming that last part.

I don’t feel that way present day. Yes I know a lot of it is in my head and I should be self-accepting and besides I just had a freaking baby. No small feat. But when my neighbour’s son came up to me and asked me when I was having my ‘next’ baby because I was still spotting a postpartum paunch, I wanted to slap him into next Tuesday.

I have these garish stretch marks snaking my body where once I had skin as elegant as Cleopatra’s.  And what about my thighs? There’s so much friction between them I could start a bush fire, like one of those that burns for 75 days in Australia, devastating the whole place.  Don’t get me started on the boobs.

So this one night I slept particularly hard and woke up in the middle of the night to find the bed wet. I had been slowly drip irrigating it with breast milk! I was mortified. I woke the good husband up to show him what had happened and I thought for sure he’d be divorcing me by sunrise. Instead he said not to worry, we could share his side of the bed. I learned two things that night: One, this my guy is the best in the world and Two, it pays not to have a fat husband because it makes bed sharing difficult when you do. So no, I don’t feel sexy and my libido is in the basement.

It’s not an easy fix and the subject is taboo. I don’t talk it over with my girlfriends because according to our social media posts, our sex lives are ravishing and would take quite a bit of alcohol for us to be honest about it.

In this economy, booze is not a priority. And I can’t talk about this with my mother because though I birthed a child, she should not know that I’m capable of, enjoy or even think about such carnal acts. She should imagine that the good husband and I hold hands while in bed and sing kumbaya until we fall asleep, like good Christians. I can’t use sex as a bargaining chip or a reward for good behavior either because it’s belittling and I’m pretty sure of this one, it’s tantamount to sin.

I turn to Google and lady magazines for tips, ideas or outright sorcery on how to rekindle the passion. One lady mag lists no fewer than ten tips on how to ‘reawaken the temptress’, TEN! Another states quite boldly and without shame “Top 40 sex positions for couples”. The sheer ridiculousness of that number.  Half of these require an indemnity form because injury or death is assured if you attempt them. In the end, you only need to do two things, make yourself available to your partner and perch yourself seductively on the bed.  And then do this frequently enough so that you are more than roommates who share meals, split the bills and mind the baby.

If this doesn’t work then there’s always the mganga kutoka Tanga who can help you with shida ya mapenzi

 


 

146 Responses
  • suswa
    23.08.2016

    Nice read as usual

    1
    • Maxxwel
      23.08.2016

      This is the postpartum ‘sack’ demystified indeed…the shit we only deliberate on under the influence of some cold cognac. Stop talking about me Bro!!

    • Roland Byagaba
      24.08.2016

      “My calendar is wide-open Friday…” So that’s what they call it these days…You learn new things everyday

      2
      • Joy
        27.08.2016

        I know you from Storymoja

  • Linda Christine
    23.08.2016

    I think am getting a hang of it second is not bad

    • suswa
      23.08.2016

      hahaha kumbe I am the first…damn! One..dream achieved

      1
      • Akinyi Nyasuba
        23.08.2016

        Bucket list….lol!

        • suswa
          23.08.2016

          Nimecross hio sasa…wengine wang’ang’anie top spot hehehe

  • Marsha
    23.08.2016

    Well put Biko

  • Aafke
    23.08.2016

    Sooo candid love the piece, she should write more often

  • Akinyi Nyasuba
    23.08.2016

    Nice read from Gitonga! I like the part where you shake hands after sex and say ‘thank you’…@Biko now m sure it’s you I saw on my flight…just never been sure how big that forehead is.

    2
    • Njagi S.
      23.08.2016

      How big was it Akinyi?

      • Maryn
        23.08.2016

        Also asking for a friend Lol

  • Linda Christine
    23.08.2016

    Oh what a nice read, if I could quote you, it will be like writing the whole article all over again …perfecto

  • Harvey
    23.08.2016

    Nice piece Ja Kendu, always looking foward to your insightful pieces.

  • FOnwonga
    23.08.2016

    Well, leaves a lot to imagination… the experiences seem more like diary entries to me than an actual blog piece.

  • Jules
    23.08.2016

    Nice read…eye opening actually, not sure I am ready to walk that path.

  • Marie Becca
    23.08.2016

    chocolate man cares enough not to leave us in a literature drought. Nice read by mama pendo there, sorry for the stretch marks

  • kagwy
    23.08.2016

    wow..I so love it..you make marriage and babies awesome..That your guy is the ‘quaqmire’..

  • Wango
    23.08.2016

    Consultations consultations… But i think when the kids have left your hands, it all returns to dating… 40’s…

  • Njooro
    23.08.2016

    Yeah, motherhood is hard. But a untold pleasure or so I’ve heard. Keep the struggle going. N say hi to the kid from the Gang.

  • Naomi
    23.08.2016

    Pertichor.. that smell of the earth right after rain. 🙂
    Now you know

    • Fridah
      24.08.2016

      it’s petrichor, ‘t’ before ‘r’
      Now you know

  • Lolo
    23.08.2016

    I have been laughing like a mad woman at the office. As funny as this is I appreciate the honesty of it and I feel you Mama Pendo, I feel you.

  • connie
    23.08.2016

    At I half of these positions require an indemnity against injury or death!Am still laughing…Made my morning.

    • Wangari
      16.09.2016

      That indemnity against injuries/death line killed me. But so true. These positions if they are to be believed can only be performed by gymnasts otherwise chukua insurance policy.
      Candid humorous piece mama Pendo. Enjoyed it.

  • Kendi
    23.08.2016

    Everything I read about having babies scares the shit out of me!Aaarrgghhh!Kwani no one in the world had a simple easy pregnancy,simple easy birth and bounced back nice and easy?No one??Okay…maybe not.

    • Anne
      23.08.2016

      No one Kendi, and if someone tells you they had it easy, you must know they are liars.But believe you me, it’s all worth it in the end.

    • Sintoh
      23.08.2016

      I had an easy pregnancy, a 24 hour labor then ended up in theater for a cs,had an easy baby (compared to the stories I hear)my libido was back after six weeks. Everyone is different…everyone has a different story

    • mercy
      24.08.2016

      well mine too wasn’t smooth coz my boobs all went like…ooopps, but the sex part remained the same.hehehe i went back to it after just a month

  • Rael
    23.08.2016

    I love your honesty mama Pendo.
    I wish most of us would have the courage to tell the reality like it is
    without the fear of “imagining” we will opt out of the kid thing…
    http://www.shesatomboy.net

  • Patrick Maina
    23.08.2016

    Hehehehehe……Interesting read, and roadmap for aspiring fathers……

  • Abigael
    23.08.2016

    Be glad you get to experience that part of life. There are people who will are yearning to experience post-baby, let alone pre-baby, sex. Or just knowing there’s a permanent human willing to share either forever.

  • Cathy
    23.08.2016

    haha well put… And then the whole world would be like Japan

  • Sandra
    23.08.2016

    Nice read mama Pendo. Enjoyed every bit of it

  • Mama Ejay
    23.08.2016

    Good read mama pendo

  • Wa kitheka
    23.08.2016

    Aki i always thought that sex is the same all through! Aki mama pendo, you write so well. Does your good husband read this blog?

  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    23.08.2016

    I have to admit when Biko doesn’t write I normally scan through the post and get on my way but this one I read through..all of it. Mama Pendo you’ve become one of the people of words. You’re good. This part “She should imagine that the good husband and I hold hands while in bed and sing kumbaya until we fall asleep” had me on the floor 🙂 🙂 🙂 .
    Good week Gang.

    1
    • Wairimu Wa Chege
      23.08.2016

      This is so like me.I am reading the comments first and i will decide whether to read the article or not.Biko should mention the guest later on to steal my attention maybe!

    • Kat
      24.08.2016

      I usually do the same but this one is very funny!

    • bumble bee
      25.08.2016

      I always wonder why people think sex is so sacred to their parents. How exactly do you think they got you and your siblings. You’ll be surprised at maybe how loud they were. Considering their marriages last like forever. Its not glue that got them there.

    • mandy
      31.08.2016

      I swear that part of singing kumbaya was just the one. I have laughed myself silly. I want to tell everyone about it but i know i wont sound as funny.

      1
  • Oyite Ojok
    23.08.2016

    “Half of these require an indemnity form because injury or death is assured”.Kumbe jamaaz go through s*** like this. Entertaining article

  • Anne
    23.08.2016

    Thank you for saying what most people can not say under the sun. Well written

  • abdullah omar
    23.08.2016

    i thought the reminiscences would bring tears like kiss the circle drawn in red
    instead it was all laughter

  • David
    23.08.2016

    “Half of these require an indemnity form because injury or death is assured”.Kumbe jamaaz go through s*** like this. Entertaining article

  • joie
    23.08.2016

    kumbaya

  • joie
    23.08.2016

    The kumbaya part n the shaking hands after.. Nice read

  • Joan
    23.08.2016

    wow wooow you’re not just a great mommy but a great writer too Sophie.I commend you but seriously you put a reminder on a sex date!!Damn you need that mganga kutoka Tanga plus one from Kitui lol you’ll regain all that though.Btw after you stop breastfeeding that is after let’s say two years, your body will bounce back and you can attach your pic to the CV or we can even rent a billboard for you hehe..love you mummy.kiss that munchkin for us the Gang

    • Trishnar
      23.08.2016

      two years? miss sex for two years?

      • Gakii
        23.08.2016

        haha tough life huh?

      • Joan
        24.08.2016

        hahaha note..your body will bounce back after you stop breastfeeding that is after let’s say two years

  • Karrenkaragania
    23.08.2016

    Motherhood is no joke, but when you got people cheering you..you appreciate your self more

  • Wahito
    23.08.2016

    ‘She should imagine that the good husband and I hold hands while in bed and sing kumbaya until we fall asleep, like good Christians. ‘ The sheer honesty lmao. Mama Pendo you win!

  • Lingerie Tamu
    23.08.2016

    Well written, when everyone’s life on social media seems perfect, its nice and refreshing to read such an honest piece on motherhood.

  • lian
    23.08.2016

    Great read Mama pendo your too funny.

  • jeff banks
    23.08.2016

    lovely, pure truth wish both gentlemen and ladies could take the last part.

  • Ireneann
    23.08.2016

    great read mama pendo, your writing is nowhere near your libido.

    1
    • Joan
      23.08.2016

      hehe bang!

    • Vero
      23.08.2016

      Hehehe true

    • AFRICAN
      23.08.2016

      Kaboom!

    • carolyn
      23.08.2016

      damn..

    • DAN WAMBAYA
      24.08.2016

      Ohhhhhhh… See what you did there.. Haha, I know a guy who fixes libidi though.. Or is it libidos?

    • lrange
      24.08.2016

      Hahahahaha nice one Irene!!

  • Ritah Mwangi
    23.08.2016

    ‘She should imagine that the good husband and I hold hands while in bed and sing kumbaya until we fall asleep, like good Christians. ‘ Isn’t this the picture we are constantly trying to paint to our mothers?

  • Evans
    23.08.2016

    Nice….real nice….Now I understand my wife

    • Derricj
      23.08.2016

      Now you know Evans

  • TheBlackKennedy
    23.08.2016

    First of all, Congratulations Mama Pendo.

    Second, just make the effort, mtarudi kule nlikuwa…

  • Fortune Knowles
    23.08.2016

    Hehehehehe , This nyabo is fantastic!! I was laughing the whole time in the matatu as I read this. Kudos Sophie!!

  • Suzie
    23.08.2016

    Good to know am not alone, great read

  • Size 10
    23.08.2016

    I have laughed! You have made light of the bedroom challenges and I love it!

  • karuchua
    23.08.2016

    This is the whole truth. Men suffer in silence during this period. but one trick that might work is if he volunteers to offer massage after the baby sleeps, you never how it ends up.

  • Regi
    23.08.2016

    I enjoy the postpartum posts sana – one can relate.

  • Wa kitheka
    23.08.2016

    I read your blog some time back, shit si i got bored! When i saw wairimu wa chege i thought i would get good reads like those of njoki wa chege but wapi! Anyway, i hope you now write captivating things like mama pendo.. I hope you are through reading the comments.

  • Sheilla
    23.08.2016

    So this one night I slept particularly hard and woke up in the middle of the night to find the bed wet. I had been slowly drip irrigating it with breast milk! I was mortified. >>> that cracked me up big time! Great read.

  • Mercy Wambugu
    23.08.2016

    That is a very good piece..I love every bit of it

  • Vole Mtiaji
    23.08.2016

    Truth well hammered. Nice read…

  • Nice read. You’ve just had a baby, give yourself a break…don’t worry too much.
    https://www.instagram.com/travelogues_africangirl

  • Kevine Otieno
    23.08.2016

    I don’t think we are heading the Japanese route any time soon. With the randy youths e have around, at least not in the near future

  • Elizabeth itotia
    23.08.2016

    ati shake hands and say thankyou… hahaha

  • Tina K
    23.08.2016

    Thanks for sharing what people consider “taboo” and suffer in silence. Nice read!

  • Irene
    23.08.2016

    Great read.I’m pregnant with my first child and already scared of the post baby experiences leave alone the labour part!Thank God my husband is not fat.

  • Dave B
    23.08.2016

    Awesome read, i should expect this too in a few months since am also going to be a dad. Should i start reading the “Top 40 sex positions for couples”?

  • Githogori
    23.08.2016

    Good piece

  • NANCY MUTEKWA
    23.08.2016

    great piece of advice for them that are yet to experience such…
    A way of knowing what to expect and how to manage the situation
    https://zuruafrika.wordpress.com/2016/08/22/go-for-it/

  • Ranji
    23.08.2016

    Awesome read!!Ooohh and the lessons that come with motherhood!!
    The part of “singing Kumbaya” has totally left me in stitches!!

  • Joy Ruguru
    23.08.2016

    Great article!
    As a wise lady once said: don’t have kids, kids.

  • Keem
    23.08.2016

    Life really does change after kids.. I guess we should change with it.

  • Michael Owino
    23.08.2016

    Nice read Mama Pendo that part of planning for something that before was spontaneous is so true….after our first baby madams libido just vanished and I was left alone to figure out how I will manage on my own.Its true child birth changes alot of things but the joy of holding baby makes up for all that is lost. Kudos to you and hubby

  • Patricia Ogaya
    23.08.2016

    Hehehehehee Mama Pendo. You’ve made my day. That’s called hitting the nail on the head. Thank you for the sincerity. But relax, in due course, your libido is going to soar!! Great read

  • Mikeinioluwa
    23.08.2016

    Lol.
    Am I the only one who thinks having SEX on a to-do list sounds funny?
    Nice one, Mama Kendo.

    mikeinioluwa.wordpress.com

  • marits
    23.08.2016

    Am with you on that Kumbaya part. Keep going though..

  • Bendari
    23.08.2016

    I want to go to japan, agencies? Who’s hiring!!

  • Fred Ouko
    23.08.2016

    This article is not nice guys. Stop being so mean. Gitonga, this penning is superb. Funny and fresh.

  • Ciru
    23.08.2016

    I am laughing so hard! Mama Pendo I can relate… the drought is real!

  • VIDA
    23.08.2016

    I CAN RELATE

  • Lizzie
    23.08.2016

    Awesome piece just had to come out of hiding…I get your struggle try and let the good husband Steal from the drip irrigation system if he is up to it works wonders for the libido and keeping the bed dry speaking from experience

    • Kathesya
      30.08.2016

      Not sure why, but this has totally disgusted me!!!
      \psychoanalysis later!

  • the goose
    23.08.2016

    just thinking..what happens after the 8th kid, how casual does sex became. Did our grandfather/mother spice anything!!!
    Enyewe bringing up a child is the ultimate sacrifice.
    Nice read,mum Pendo.

  • Meggie
    23.08.2016

    Anyone know if Mama Pendo has a blog?? I love her writing I need more

    • Sophie
      24.08.2016

      Meggie,
      no I don’t have a blog. I don’t have the discipline or temerity to sustain one 😉

      • Thoughtsabove
        25.08.2016

        You should have one I totally love your writing.
        Are you in Facebook

  • The Darren
    23.08.2016

    This piece is all kinds of amazing. Btw I did not get an email notification this Tuesday so I got worried and had to come check if all was well. Thankfully it was! Anyone else had the same issue, gang?

    • mso
      24.08.2016

      makes two of us

    • Agnes
      25.08.2016

      I didn’t get too but glad I bumped into this as I was reading some older posts.

  • Kim
    23.08.2016

    you had me at ‘my libido is in the basement’…maybe you shouldn’t restrict yourself to just writing about food…

  • Grace Wambua
    23.08.2016

    Beautiful writing. Beautiful story. I love the honesty. It’s really good to hear the truth…kind of like a take it or leave it situation, but that it’s all good even if you have to pencil I’m having sex!

  • Mama Zoh
    23.08.2016

    Thanks Mama Pendo for airing out my very own experience with my good husband. Kudos. For now just enjoy every moment….when she’s two years which is always called”Terrible Two” come back and share your experience

  • Wachuka
    23.08.2016

    You never dissapoint Mama Pendo. What a splendid read. Can’t wait for the next one!

  • Dove
    23.08.2016

    At least now I know. Thanks Mama Pendo.
    I think the Japan…or ‘Win a Green-card to Kenya’ doesn’t sound that bad.
    Have mercy Lord!

  • Mrembo
    23.08.2016

    As a mother of two, who after the 1st swore and believed that life without sex would be completely fine and dandy, here is my tip.
    Just do it. As boring and as mechanical as it is in the begining, doing it after a schedule or plan, is the only way to get back in the flow of things.
    Do it, start of slow but make sure you do it, I promise libido will come back, especially after you stop breastfeeding. The hormones rebalance themselves, but you have to do it.
    With a good attitude, by the way… enjoy… I promise it gets better… even better than before babies… that I promise!

  • Sue
    23.08.2016

    Mama Pendo,
    Craziness does not even begin to describe you!! You’ve had my ribs cracking! The good husband is a blessings. Ican’t wait to get my own Pendo to toss coins for

  • Joey
    24.08.2016

    Loved this piece! Just read it while feeding my 3 month old at this time (yes,;it’s now 3.43am!). Still sporting a baby bump,the other day I approached one of those screening machines at the hospital and the female guard made sure I didn’t go through it.The struggle is real, even sex is planded in advance and sometimes never happens as my toddler demands time in our bed too!
    Oh, hubby is fast asleep as I type this with baby in my arms.
    The joys of parenting!

  • Abdullah omar
    24.08.2016

    Gitonga!you make motherhood so saintly!I don’t mind a second helping !

  • Peleg Obuya
    24.08.2016

    From a boring sleep to a good read…sweet life.

  • Terry
    24.08.2016

    Absolutely spot on…hilarious! So well written, it gives us a chance to laugh at ourselves.

  • Kenneth margaret
    24.08.2016

    I especially love part where she says she turns to Google, lady magazines or outright sorcery for tips ideas on how to rekindle the passion

  • Yvonne
    24.08.2016

    Aha quite interesting..

  • S.K
    24.08.2016

    Hold hands and sing kumbaya *insert minion voice* why I inserted the voice at that point beats me. Nice read.

  • Kenneth Margaret
    24.08.2016

    I like this part, “I turn to Google and lady magazines for tips, ideas or outright sorcery on how to rekindle the passion.”

  • Kadonye
    24.08.2016

    The good husband is truly good. Such a gift you have (your writing gift that is). Biko this the only guest writer you’re allowed to have:)

  • kc
    24.08.2016

    Great read. Its quite an encouragement. Thanks Sophie. Its good to know I aint the only one.

  • SeSeretireti
    24.08.2016

    You tiptoe around and make muffled screams because whoever’s screaming wakes the baby is responsible for soothing the baby. And when you are done you shake hands and say thank you. hAHAHAHAHAHA.I have literally lol-ed at that and everyone is in office is giving that are-you-nuts look. o

  • manuel
    24.08.2016

    hmmmmm…..I love people who write out of passion…. its such a gift …its a way of expression yet a funny way of lifting loads off your heart

  • SChege
    25.08.2016

    Wow! Not a wasted word! Great writing mama Pendo. Your motherhood tales are rib cracking.

  • Thoughtsabove
    25.08.2016

    Having a 8 months baby I totally related to this.
    Finally someone said all that was in my mind. Perfect story.

  • Wanga
    26.08.2016

    hahaha so is this what I am to expect once I get a toi? But it’s all worth it to see that you created a human being. People make cars, planes,ships and freakin robots. But the greatest one has to be creating a baby in your womb. And I am of the opinion that sex is overrated…..*hides face*

    abantugirl.wordpress.com

  • Mohamed
    27.08.2016

    A very amazing read. Salute. Mama Pendo

  • Mohamed
    27.08.2016

    I haven’t commented on your writings. But this made my day Mama Pendo

  • tweety
    28.08.2016

    “holding hands while singing kumbaya”just killed me literally. good read Gitonga.

  • Wanjuhi
    29.08.2016

    Lovely read

  • Nick
    29.08.2016

    Nice read Mama Pendo

  • TK
    31.08.2016

    Mama Pendo, good husband is a good husband.

    Loved how you expressed yourself without it sounding like whining.

  • regina mwengi
    01.09.2016

    Nice one for a cold,September confused weather day.Ive laughed so hard I am warm

  • Cynthia
    03.09.2016

    Great read….still laughing at “Half of these require an indemnity form because injury or death is assured if you attempt
    them” and the part that says “She should imagine that the good husband and I hold hands while in bed and sing kumbaya until we fall
    asleep”…
    Hahaha

  • Kelly
    08.09.2016

    hahahaah, so funny

  • Lucie
    22.09.2016

    hilarious!! I relate

  • nene
    23.09.2016

    OH MY GOODNESS!i felt like it was me writing!my baby is nine months old and chiq,i love you.at least im not alone.I should foward this to my hubby,he’ll laugh so hard.

  • Malaika
    27.09.2016

    I remember my libido left at around week twelve or thirteen of my pregnancy… I just did not want anything sexual. That drought stayed on till lil man was 2 months. Still, it was not the same. The dryness was out of this world. You had fat in areas you had muscle or so you thought. The sexy ass became like a zebras rump, those stretchmarks grew where none existed before. I now wear them with pride. My badge of honor for nurturing and bring forth life. It shall be well soon enough.

  • Kevin
    23.11.2016

    good stuff Biko. About time I got email alerts.

  • Anne k
    04.02.2017

    Haha mama Pendo you just made me subscribe so I don’t miss your writing next time. So hilarious.

  • Salome Caroline Gachiku Wandui
    02.11.2018

    This is the most hilarious thing I’ve read in awhile. I am boarding…

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