And Now, A Few Lessons

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Off Exit 13 on Thika Superhighway is a kitschy looking mall called the Spurs Mall in Ruiru. You might miss it, if you aren’t looking. On the top floor is a newish hotel called Verona Hotel. The restaurant, with its cozy cushioned chairs and expansive glass wall, overlooks a burgeoning Ruiru, a cluster of sprouting real estate at the end of a wide field, new money jostling for space. It’s in this restaurant that I’m meeting a 53 year old man with a bullet in his left hip. He’s neither a gangster nor a man of the law, though. 22 years ago he found himself at the right place at the wrong time and got himself shot. But he isn’t here to talk to me about that day; he’s here because he’s a man who has been married for over 26 years. His age is perfect because he’s not from a different era where a woman’s place was in the kitchen. If he knows who Fresh Prince is then he’s not too old.

 

I’m here to ask him to give us men advice about marriage, to wrap this series up. His brand of advice is based on his experience as a man married for over two decades who is happy and content. That’s what I had sold to him for this meeting. He isn’t here because he has a perfect marriage or because he holds the secret to a happy marriage. He’s here because he has endured and thrived in marriage in a way that has worked for him. His daughter – Grace – who had attended one of my writing masterclasses had written me one of those emails you wish your own daughter would write to someone about you. A bleeding letter full of respect and admiration for this chap, a man who has gone the full circle. His last name is Wachira and he’s here, with his slight limp, studying the menu keenly.

 

Here is what I know for a fact. One day, after the big trumpet has gone off and you have been asked to stand in the long winding queue, you will finally show up before an angel at the Pearly Gates and you will be asked, “…and what did you do with your time?” You will mumble, “Uhm, I…would volunteer at a children’s home…you know, bathing the babies…stuff.” The angel will look into his file with a creased brow. “Children’s home, huh?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, that is definitely true, but this file also says something else.”

 

“Let me see that…”

 

“Do. Not. Touch. The. File!” the angel will hiss. “And please step back. Personal space?”

 

You will step back and put your hands behind your back.

 

“From this file, it shows that you spent a lot of time studying menus…”

 

“That can’t be poss-”

 

“I’m not done.” The angel will raise his hand, giving you a stare. “It says here that you spent an equivalent of six months, studying menus. Six months! A time you could have used to help humanity or take care of other living things belonging to God.”

 

“I took care of things! I had a houseplant…,” you’ll protest, “doesn’t that count?”

 

“What kind of plant?”

 

“A cactus.”

 

“No.”

 

Anyway, Wachira takes his sweet time studying the menu then disappointingly settles for herbal tea.

 

He got married in 1992, a normal year really, only it’s the year Bill Clinton got elected and Kriss Kross’s song “Jump” was on top of the pops.

 

“I courted my wife for only two weeks,” he says.

 

He says it’s because he was sure of what he wanted. He knew he wasn’t looking to just swing it and wing it. He didn’t want a girlfriend, he wanted a wife. He saw her in church and liked her and he made contact. For two weeks he took her out for tea and lunches, and in that time he decided that she was going to be his wife.

 

“You have to know what you want, although knowing that alone is not enough,” he says. “You have to let the other person know what you want. So after two weeks, I told my wife that I wanted to marry her. She accepted. I was looking for someone with good behaviour.”

 

“But you can’t tell someone’s behaviour in two weeks,” I say.

 

“Neither can you after five years,” he counters. “People can pretend for as long as they can. So do you court someone for five years to know their true behaviour? Perhaps. But I wanted someone I could fashion and mould into what I wanted in a partner. Someone who was like me.”

 

“Mould,” I say.

 

“Yes. Like sell an idea,” he says. He then gives me a forest analogy of marriage. “Let’s say you have three types of men who get into a forest; a Kikuyu, a Luo and a Kamba. The Kikuyu will fetch logs for firewood or makaa, the Luo will fetch logs to make nice furniture and the Kamba will fetch logs to make curios that people will admire and buy to decorate their homes. Who would have made good use of the logs?”

 

“The Kamba?”

 

He slowly sips his tea and makes me wait, perhaps to reconsider my choices in life.

 

“The Luo?” I say. He smiles.

 

“So, marriage is like a forest. Most of us will have to get into this forest but how you use the log is up to you. You can turn it into anything you want. It’s a mentality thing. I went into that forest and I knew what I wanted to use the logs for. I didn’t need three years to decide.”

 

“So you are saying you shouldn’t go into the forest if you are not sure of what you want to use the logs for.”

 

“Exactly,” he says. “So from the get go, I had expectations of the kind of marriage I wanted and because of that I knew the kind of woman I wanted. And I never hesitated. Also, it was in my best interest to tell her my intentions early because there were other guys in church who were eyeing her. I had to move fast.” He chuckles.

 

They had a wedding. He was 28-years old. Then a child after the wedding; Grace.

 

“Why do you think younger men don’t want to commit quickly to marriage?” I ask him.

 

“Because they fear responsibility,” he says. “When I proposed to my wife I had nothing. I was working as a clerk for this West African chap who sold herbal medicine. I was earning Sh, 1,500 in 1992! I didn’t have money, but I was ambitious and I knew I was never going to settle for the life I had been dealt. And indeed I went to school and studied accounting because I was very good at math and I took opportunities to even train in audit firms. I worked as an accountant, financial controller and even a general manager.”

 

“So one shouldn’t wait to make money to get married?”

 

“What for?” he asks. “Money doesn’t make marriage.”

 

“Yes, but I have interviewed a ton of chaps whose marriages went sour when they lost their jobs or businesses.”

 

He leans back and says, “Let me tell you about money.”

 

“Five years after I married my wife, who I had roped into the business I was in at Gikomba, I got shot by thugs. I was moving money from the house to the bank and they carjacked us. I resisted because that morning I had read John 1 which said that darkness and light can’t go together. They shot me here on my chest and the bullet went through. I fell down, bleeding. One of the other thugs stood over me and shot me right here. [He points at his hip.] I was left for dead but I didn’t die, instead I got paralysed from the waist down. I stayed in the hospital for a month, then was in a wheelchair, had physiotherapy, then moved to crutches. This was the perfect time for my wife to leave me. I mean, I was supposed to be useless as a man. I wasn’t making any money during this time and because I was paralysed waist down, my manhood was dead! I was not able to perform my manly duties. I was a liability. She was young, she could have left me and started afresh.”

 

“Why did she stay?”

 

“Because she knew my potential even when I was in that wheelchair. She had confidence in me and my strength to overcome,” he says.

 

“How did you inspire her confidence in you?”

 

“I had always shown leadership. The man is the head of the family, even the Bible says that. But being the head of the family doesn’t mean you give orders, it means you offer leadership. I have always included her in my financial plans because I believe married life is not about money, it’s about good understanding. There are men who can die today and their wives will never know some of the properties they owned. What use is this property if you have to hide it from the person you share a bed with, the person your children call mother? I don’t live a secret life. My wife knows where all my money is, how much I’m making and how I’m spending it. And should we lose it, she won’t be shocked and I won’t have to pretend that we still have money.”

 

The second time he ran into trouble was when his business went under. His partner screwed him over and he found himself dead broke. That was in 2000, three years after he had been shot. Grace in her email to me had written: “We relocated from Forest Road to Ruiru. Culture shock hit us hard, our second born; he never recovered. Dad struggled to raise us in our unfinished house that had no perimeter wall, no plaster, no electricity etc, a house that was nicknamed Fort Jesus because of how long it stalled. We transferred from Aga Khan to a relatively nice school in Ruiru. Such dark times.”

 

“You can move from a lot to nothing,” he says. “I had to move my children to an unfinished house with a toilet outside. I learnt that people don’t relate with you, they relate with what you have and when you stop having, they stop relating with you. I have old friends who don’t even know where I moved to. I have a policy, something I have always had; to sit down with the family and tell them what is going on. No matter how bad or good it is. You have to sit down and talk as a family, tell them this is the situation and let everybody express themselves around that table. Every opinion is important, every feeling important and they have to be listened to. When I lost everything and was still disillusioned, my wife said the first thing we had to do was downgrade and move to Ruiru. It was my job to sit my kids down and tell them that their lives were about to change drastically. Grace was 12, Kwasi 7 and Miracle 3.”

 

“He’s called Miracle?” I ask.

 

“Yes, I got him when I was paralysed waist down,” he smirks.

 

I want to press on and find out how but Grace will be reading this and that’s not cool.

 

“For 12-years I tried to get back on my feet. Twelve years. I tried many businesses. I tried rearing chicken. It failed. I tried pigs. That also failed.  I tried selling timber in Gikomba, that also failed. It’s only a few years ago that I got into real estate and it worked. But for 12-years I was broke. My wife never left my side for a day because we were struggling. This is because I have always been open with her about money. You have to be. She’s your wife and you have to offer strong leadership because we as men confused leadership for money.”

 

“What is leadership?” I ask.

 

“What is leadership?” he repeats, looking for the right answer. “It’s sitting down at a table and influencing your family. I never make a big move without sitting my wife down to sell her the idea. Not tell her I’m doing this, but sell her the idea. Because she has to buy it first.”

 

“What if you know the idea will work but she says she doesn’t like the idea at all and she thinks it will fail?”

 

“Then I don’t do it. Because the reason behind sitting down is to discuss, not to give an order or directive. The Bible says that where there is unity, God commands blessings,” he says. “There have been times when my wife said no and she was wrong, but most times she has been right. Women have that sixth sense and it’s often good to trust it. I also turn down some ideas that the family has. For example, I drive a 22-year old Toyota. It’s a very old stick shift and my children have always wanted a new car for the family. I have always said no, we’ll use this car.” He chuckles mischievously. “Recently they called a meeting and said that they think we should buy a new car and let go of this one. We had a discussion around it and eventually I said I’m not going to remove two million from the business to buy a new car. It didn’t make sense.”

 

His herbal tea looks cold now. The room is full. I suspect that there is some sort of political meeting going, or perhaps some grassroots politicians having lunch with their wives. There are lots of boots and a few stetson hats. If someone stood up and started a train-dance I wouldn’t be too shocked.

 

“What is happiness in marriage?” I ask him. “When can you say you’re happy”

 

“For me,” he says, “it’s when one is appreciated.”

 

“And how do you feel appreciated? What has to happen?”

 

“For me, my wife always buys me clothes. It doesn’t matter if I have given her money or she is using hers. She always buys me clothes. I feel appreciated when she buys me clothes. She also acknowledges me, especially in public, as her husband. I can tell she is proud of me. I like when she’s proud of me. She never wants to shame me.”

 

“And what’s the worst mistake you think you have made in your marriage?”

 

“Sometimes I don’t listen to her. Those few times I have not listened to her I have regretted it,” he says.

 

I want to talk about sex but I don’t really know how to start talking about sex, because he’s going to use his names here and I also don’t want to embarrass him. When speaking about having his child – Miracle – when he was supposed to be paralysed, I had pushed it a bit and I could tell that he didn’t want to go there. Sometimes when I struggle to ask an uncomfortable question, I use one trick that works perfectly; ask a blunt question. So I ask him how his sex life is at that age and how important sex is in marriage.

 

He blinks and touches the handle of his teacup as if he wants to rub that cup for a genie to come out and tackle that question.

 

“Sex is very important. After all, a man is a sexual being,” he says. “God created sex to bring people together. When making love there is a covenant, something has to be kept pure.” He pauses. “Of course the kind of sex you will have with your wife at 28 is different from the kind of sex you will have at 53. There are different expectations, different needs at different times. It’s easy to also stray if you think that you can find exciting sex outside. But that is deceptive sex and deceptive sex doesn’t last long; it’s based on ego and money and it has little affection. So why do it? Why have sex without affection?”

 

I want to press on and ask him if it’s possible for a married man to have affection outside the marriage and have sex outside that marriage and if that kind of sex, as deceptive as it might be, has affection and creates a covenant. But just as I’m about to the waitress comes over and asks, “Will you have mineral water or water from the tap?” I say mineral, then when she’s gone I completely forget what I wanted to ask because I’m a scatterbrain. Instead I ask him about the male ego in marriage.

 

“Well, if you know what your role is as a man, your ego should never be an issue,” he says. “It’s when you are not sure of your role that your ego will become an issue.”

 

We had a good conversation. He said some things that were useful and some that I didn’t agree with. But all of those things work for him even though they might not work for you or the next guy. Happiness in marriage is a mixed bag. I will offer my closing commentary of what I have learnt these past few months interviewing men and marriage in the next blog post. Then the bell will ring and we shall all go for a small mandazi break.

 

                    ***

Closing the Writing Masterclass on Friday. Taking the last few folks. Please email info@bikozulu.co.ke

 

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168 Comments
    1. I long for the day someone will love and be proud of me like this. Like my family is. To speak of me with such pride, to touch me like they live me and look me in the eye with such admiration. I long for the day when I’ll do the same as well. To love someone’s son completely and wholly.

      Such stories are so encouraging. A good pick for the ending of this series.

      I once read in a Danielle Steele novel about a man paralysed from waist down having sex with the wife. The wife did all the work but his manhood did rise to the occasion. Only, it was the most intimate sex they were having from then onwards because of how much it means for them. Maybe this is how they got miracle?

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    2. I agree with him, and marriage can be blissful. Just identify your enemies not people here by the way the enemies of your marriage and you are good to go. This wife is a trophy one, I admire her.
      On the leadership I agree a 100%, any man can be a good leader at home just believe in yourself and do it right.
      I love his reference to the Bible, there lies the secret, if we honor God He will honor us and give us the desires of our hearts.
      Yes marriage can happen after two weeks, and like ours was love at first sight and here we are twinning life together.
      Thanks Biko for the Men and Marriage series.

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      1. Life has been filled with challenges ever since my husband left me and move on with another woman. Most times i had thought of ending it all. Things became worst when I lost my home, family and all to Hurricane Matthew and I became a refugee in my own country, Haiti. The only property I had left was an Internet-enabled phone in my pocket. One faithful day, i found one Dr Sangare on the Internet, on Face-book. Someone from the US had testified of many great things that Dr Sangare had done for her and her family. I contacted him and the rest they say is history.Today i am happily married to a soldier I met in camp, and i am getting my happiness back again. I cannot keep this happiness to myself because i am not selfish. You too can contact Dr Sangare on E-mail: Drsangare01@gmail.com or call him on phone +2348103508204 whatsapp.

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    3. ‘I learned that people don’t relate with you, they relate to what you have and when you stop having, they stop relating with you’

      Very potent comment. Asking myself if I have this trait… me thinks we should all reflect on this..

      Biko, good stuff as always..

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    1. That’s true.. although there are some few basics about happy marriage. A one-size-fits-all approach might not work.

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          1. Wachira’s insights on marriage, especially on finances and leadership are ripe.
            I have enjoyed this series Biko. Never missed a piece! Grateful kabisa. The comments here, are life! Pray, can’t we do the mandazi without the break?
            Eagerly waiting for the women series. No

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  1. I have loved this series ever since you kicked it off. Really offers a lot of perspective for me as a young adult who is still trying to wrap my head around this boyfriend-girlfriend thing, let alone marriage. Thank you Biko, for always penning down these amazing pieces.

    It’s always like its just me and my screen when reading these. Just me, and the word flow, the rest of the world, gone…

    Cheers to more amazing and insightful pieces!

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  2. I am surprised a Wachira doing real estate does not have a Harrier. How does he not have a Harrier? You should have asked him ata what he thinks of Harriers. Maybe he has been toying with the idea which means he has some good level of self-control.

    I love his analogy of marriage. Men offering leadership and whatnot. But it seems money, albeit in a misdirected way, gives men courage to become leaders. Only when a woman ignores the money does the man have to search their soul for true leverage for leadership.

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  3. ” Learnt that people don’t relate with you, they relate with what you have and when you stop having, they stop relating with you.”

    Accurate!

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  4. I feel like you hell back a little with this one Biko, you should have pushed and she the uncomfortable ones. I’m in dick that there is a man who can propose after weeks, marry a woman, stay with that woman for 26 years and counting and listens to that woman. I guess that is the purpose of this Men and Marriage series, to show us the hearts of all men

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    1. Sorry for the typos, autocorrect is no one’s friend. I meant to write….
      I feel like you held* back…. you should have pushed and asked* the uncomfortable…….
      I’m in shock* that there is a man who can propose after two* weeks……

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        1. Hahaha and the highlight of this article is right here. But true I agree Biko held back with this guy i feel i want to know more about this woman Wachira praises.

        1. Typing one thing and thinking about something else, so you end up typing what is on your mind not what you intended to do.. Or I could be wrong. Let’s go with the version they put up, autocorrect

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    1. Kyuks Luos and Kaos analogy. Forest marriage. Wanna invite Wachira for marriage Seminar he is ripe. Hook up a rela 🙂

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  5. Wow!
    Well, if you know what your role is as a man, your ego should never be an issue,” he says. “It’s when you are not sure of your role that your ego will become an issue.”

    Enough said!

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  6. This is a nice way to wrap up this series because 1) There is hope for both men and ladies to find love and commitment out there. 2) Money doesn’t need to define you or your relationship. 3) Biko was in Ruiru,lol. 4) Communication is key

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  7. I learnt that people don’t relate with you, they relate with what you have and when you stop having, they stop relating with you. Good one

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  8. The forest analogy is really good.
    You should know what you want to do with the logs before entering the forest.
    A beautiful end to this series, I’ve learnt lessons, plenty of them.

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  9. Story of my life. Married at 28 years, courted for two weeks, have had several flopped businesses, currently broke but with so much hope, and I still feel I am putting my log at the right use for six years now. My wife is the greatest support. I thank God.

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  10. great read as always but too much is missing, The story feels like it was left hanging.
    I like this part the most coz i feel that most modern marriages are struggling because of the male ego feeling threatened and insecure. “Well, if you know what your role is as a man, your ego should never be an issue,” he says. “It’s when you are not sure of your role that your ego will become an issue.”

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  11. Alas, Biko, it IS possible to have a great blog post without giving us emotional trauma.

    Wachira sounds like a wise dude. The kind who would be a wizard in an epic saga. Like Gandalf the Grey/White, Albus Dumbledore, or Mufasa. I know Mufasa wasn’t a wizard, but that voice was magical. Thanks for the post, Biko. We will glean all that we can (at least I will) for our own marriages.

    Also, tell Wachira to get a new car. His wife wants one. His children want one. Even Miracle! Where there is unity, God commands His blessings. Get a new car, Wachira!

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    1. There is just something about this Mark guy! The way I rush through the comments looking for his comment is crazy.! I like you Mark.

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        1. How awesome it would be to have love birds in this biko series or do we say blog.
          And how I pray they get interviewed watupe uhondo on how they met. It will be something like, ” yeah I met him through biko’s blog, yearning for his replies” .
          well lemme not speculate but can you imagine.

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          1. Did Mark just say that he likes me too? Got me feeling some type of way. Anyway am just a fan. By the way Mark, is that you as your bitmoji? I mean, is that your face? Why does this question feel like asking for his number

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          2. It would be awesome, Bkk, but I’m spoken for. Got the ring and the ceremony and a date I have to remember forever. This like is purely platonic.

            Yes, Faith. That is my bitmoji. I use it all the time on my blog thispostisabout.com

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    2. Mark’s comments and replies always got me laughing out loud. His sense of humour is “over de bar” .
      Just realised we are a whole lot that loves Mark. I was sure you write but I dint know where.
      MARK, see you in thispostisabout.com. Much love from the patron, comment readers association. ♥️

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  12. I learnt that people don’t relate with you, they relate with what you have and when you stop having, they stop relating with you.
    The depth in this….people will only support you when it’s beneficial.

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  13. I know Mr. Wachira.: As real and open as always, even when a third party(or is it second party?) is telling his story. Kudos Brother. Your advice about marriage has always been on point and extremely invaluable!!

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  14. “I’m not done.” The angel will raise his hand, giving you a stare. “It says here that you spent an equivalent of six months, studying menus. Six months! A time you could have used to help humanity or take care of other living things belonging to God.

    Bikozulu!

    Nice read ,men of awe piece of advice from one of your elders.

    Ladies our turn after the break.

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  15. The last few stories on these series I have related with. When this series started I didn’t know I would be where I am in matters of the heart. I have laughed, cried, critiqued, discussed, shared the stories in this series. Somehow I even got my friends to read you religiously every week.
    These stories have been the most meaningful and eye opening stories of Kenyans. Asante sana to all those men for letting us have a sneak peek into a mans most shielded part, his heart.
    This last story shows us that it takes two to make it work, I wish we had Mrs Wachiras bit too.
    And for once you came to my side of the world. Verona is my go to place to relax and unwind just before heading home.

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  16. That conversation about that guy and the angel is one I read again and again wondering how good a writer you are indeed.

    Man I like your art.

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  17. Wow. This is a great Man and he found a great wife. God bless them and their children. So much to learn from this story.

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  18. The leadership bit stood out for me.The transparency is admirable.,listening..oh,this is art.,harmony..which book is that about God commanding a blessing?I often thought is as a quote..look at me.!.
    I feel you didn’t exhaust the questions..for example:
    His conflict resolution strategies over time
    Is there a time his relationship showed him flames but he held on..{aside}-where are those emojis?
    Nice read,as always..& keep up the good work!

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  19. Couldn’t buy most of those happiness in marriage sentiments…… could be I can’t be rescued from the sentiments that marriage is compromise, sacrifice, tolerance and putting up………and risky, you could be killed by STDs, HIV or a depressed partner. Hiyo engine ni porocho

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    1. Whoa! Who poisoned your mind girl? We all belong to different schools of thought and yours just astonished me. Marriage is not that bad though. Hopefully one day you will find someone who will change your perspective about this ‘porojo’ hehe.

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  20. Another one just epic,With this series of men and marriage i have learnt a lot,There are ups and downs in life but in everything,Life doesn’t stop for anyone.

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  21. Excuse me teacher, during the mandazi break, will we still get the regular tea ama we will have to make our own? [tea references weekly posts my dear laymen]

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  22. Am I the only one who laughed so hard at that mineral water or tap water joke. Who asks such a question! I now want to be a waiter when I grow up so that I can ask such questions lol!

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    1. Mineral water costs money in a restaurant. Tap water does not.
      In some places, tap water = rain water (not salty)= clean water. It is trapped in tanks and used as is. What have I missed, that makes the question strange ?
      As kids, we drank water from taps, both in school and at home, then Kenyan politicians grew up and …..

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  23. An underwhelming close. I was expecting a Big Bang to the end of these Men series! A more honest, open and straight to the point kinda closing. Where men and women even, pick few things to better their relationships.

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    1. Sometimes the biggest of lessons can be learnt in subtle endings.
      It doesn’t have to be grand for you to pick up the lessons.
      I’m certain we have all learnt a great deal from the whole series.

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  24. So Biko can actually write a short story! Stuck on the forest analogy but whatever makes you happy….

    Mandazi break ipite haraka. Eagerly waiting for Women and Marriage series. This one I suppose shall be the real “ni kama drama ni kama video”.

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  25. A man spends a billion to put up a mall only for it to be referred to as kitschy… woi, I am in tears. God bless local investors. Now to read the rest of the post.

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    1. Inspiring story. This is how I wanna raise my family.
      “You have to sit down and talk as a family, tell them this is the situation and let everybody express themselves around that table. Every opinion is important, every feeling important and they have to be listened to”

      Thank you for the series

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  26. Great article,almost convinced to join the marriage wagon but ayaam not boarding! Kindly can we have article(s) from those men who chose to remain single too?

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  27. “Neither can you after five years,people can pretend for as long as they can. So do you court someone for five years to know their true behaviour? Perhaps. But I wanted someone I could fashion and mould into what I wanted in a partner. Someone who was like me.”

    wow!!!this is something else….courting someone for a long period of time,does not guarantee one a ticket straight to marriage……

    Biko You are something else now lets move to Women & Marriage

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  28. I like the fact that he was open about difficult situations to his children and wife . ….I wish my parents were like that and just be open about hard situations they are going through …..

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  29. You shouldn’t have stopped using the word migwatos, I kiked it. He asks of men a very hard thing, to seek approval of finance impacting plans from their spouses. It ain’t that easy, but the right path is narrow.

  30. “I courted my wife for only two weeks,” he says.
    He says it’s because he was sure of what he wanted…My kind.

  31. I opened this post when it had 97 comments and 97 likes. Is that some kind of miracle about to happen to me or I should just stick to the one Miracle baby here?

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  32. Biko, seems like you have had an experience with infidelity in marriage. It is in the way you write. The undercutting of any views that reinforce faithfulness and a pacified one of those who have broken their vows. I hope you find the answer you were looking for in this series.

  33. I love what Wachira says and I’m so pleased Biko ended the series on such a positive note. I wish there were more positive stories though and I also wish that he had interviewed couples that split for other reasons like infertility or mental illness etc. or better yet couples that stay together despite these kinds of reasons. I feel like infidelity has taken centre stage in this series. Which is kind of sad and a bit monotonous to be honest.

  34. “Where there is unity,God commands blessings” this is so true..
    I’ve learnt so much from this series ,I feel like I’m ready for marriage already ☺️
    Can’t wait for the women’s series

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  35. So many lessons on marriage indeed! It may involve tears but it also has laughter! May we all learn something from the series!

  36. The article is such a masterpiece. I respect Mr. Wachira as not many Men/Women involve their partners in decision making not in a time when the empowerment has already been embraced. A great lesson for us learn and make improvements.

  37. As usual this was indeed a great sign out ndugu Biko. First off though this word “kitschy “, who are u this word this word…. The log analogy is another interesting bit am trying to rope it in Uganda but it can’t work. The series has been such a rollercoaster. Can’t wait for the next plan.

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  38. Psalm 133 King James Version (KJV)
    133 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

    2 It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron’s beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments;

    3 As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the *****Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore*****.

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  39. Finally a good story about marriage,right on time.Restores some faith in marriage amidst all the negativity going round.indeed marriage works but you got to put in alot of work just like any other important thing in life.Kudos Mr Wachira and your daughter Grace,she must be quite a character that am sure!

  40. Okay, sit them down around a table and talk. Tell them, “Look, guys, it’s like this, eh, we are about to be evicted because I took out a two-million shilling loan that I haven’t paid for the last one and half years. So from tomorrow, you guys will come with me to some tent house that we will rent at six hundred bob per month…”

    That’s hard stuff.

  41. This one nailed it!

    Indeed it is lessons to learn.

    Thank you for such a good closure, surely marriage is not all about money.

    Marriage works.

  42. He blinks and touches the handle of his teacup as if he wants to rub that cup for a genie to come out and tackle that question.

    This reminded me of Alladin the Movie

    Love is a wonderful thing when you find the right person!Especially a Wachira .
    I hope the men of today learn from this and stop fearing responsibilities.

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  43. Interesting how money has not stood out as a bonding factor in the men’s series. Actually, it’s like the ones with money are having more trouble.

    Tap water in a restuarant,why?

  44. My dad always said never marry a man for his money but for his potential.in today’s world it’s so difficult but that advise is something we married modern women struggle with .same way a man should not marry a woman for her looks but virtues..society now is so superficial as compared to the days our parents met.we are impatient with each other .we are thrill seekers and get bored easily and I suspect in a few years more and more of us will not get married.sadly

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  45. Hmm..this guy has so said so many things i believe in!
    ‘ I had always shown leadership. The man is the head of the family, even the Bible says that. But being the head of the family doesn’t mean you give orders, it means you offer leadership’

    this is what many people miss!

    He said women are mouldable….and this is so true! a helper fit for him. ‘ her desire shall be for her husband’. we are designed to be mouldable. we naturally share our man’s vision.

    this is a nice piece to close the men and marriage series.

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  46. As, always, here comes the late one.
    Interesting highlights, great way to wrap up this show. Great job as always Biko. The angel at the Pearly Gates might be inclined to overlook your forehead. Don’t push it though, lol

    Might I suggest that after the break, Mrs. Wachira takes the floor first? Seems only fair that we hear out the proud owner of this our Mr. Wachira.

  47. While everyone is out partying for me Friday nights mean I can catch up on Biko’s weekly story. I have fallen in love with this story. It has just broken down the myths in this superficial age. I love that he handles his wife as his equal and consider her opinion of great importance. I know love is a strong word and I seem to have overused it in this comment but that’s the only way I can explain how I have related to this story and the characters therein. Kudos to a great man who has not been defined by his financial stature and an even greater woman championing him.

  48. What an interview to end your series on men and marriage. Here’s a man who’s mastered the things that God asks of men,what women want from men and what men struggle with in life; maturity, consistency, decisiveness and strength. I can’t wait to read your analysis next week. Kudos..

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  49. I am glad that one of the lessons you’ve highlighted is the language of both sexes in marriage;For men, Respect and Women(Ladies),Love.
    This was one great series,ahsante!

  50. OMG everyone needs to read this story…..i have to read it again and again and again. Beautiful and real, i was on the edge honestly. Marriage can work when you decide you are going to make it work.