Babies in Labs

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Kim is turning three in a month’s time. My beautiful, beautiful boy. I’m tempted to say that he takes after his father but you cynical people will not believe me. You will roll your eyes and say, ‘Right! Not with that forehead.” Nobody wants you to thrive in this city anymore. I took him to the barber a fortnight ago and Tamms said, “Papa, why don’t we have his hair shaved into a mohawk?” And I said, “I don’t know, darling, I don’t think mommy will like that,” and she responded, “She will like it.” So I said, “If she hates it, tell her that it was your idea, not mine.” She smirked. We got the barber to give him a mohawk complete with two cuts at the front – something Mheshimiwa Ababu would have done when he was a boy. He looked so beautiful…my son that is, not Ababu. His hair kind of reminded me of Jazzy Jeff. (And off to Google, the young-uns go.)

He was never this beautiful though, Kim. At birth he looked like a hamster, like most newborns do. He had gummy eyes and he never opened his mouth except to yawn or feed. And when he opened his mouth the insides resembled a bird’s mouth; pink and toothless. A small perfect O. I liked to watch him yawn; the single most defenceless act you can observe on an infant. When he turned one and half he started looking like a girl and my heart sank. I already had a girl, I didn’t want my son looking a girl. I wanted him to look like a boy.  I used to wonder if he would ever come out of that girl funk. I told God not to play such a cruel prank. I told him, “Lord, don’t be that guy who plays games with features of other people’s sons. It’s not funny.”  You don’t want to meet someone while with your son and daughter and they say, “Wow, your girls have really grown.”

I often wonder what he will look like at 14. Maybe he will be very tall like his great grandfather- Jackshon. Maybe he will be sporty like his grandfather Simon. Or maybe he will gravitate towards the arts like his father, Chocolate Man. I picture him towering and pimply, with a cracking voice, blocking my sun to tell me, “Papa, I was wondering if I could borrow 2K to go to this party for my friend.” And I will say, “When you say ‘borrow’ do you mean you will get a part time job in industrial area and pay it back next month?” He will laugh and I will marvel at how he sounds so much like me when he laughs and looks like his mother when he’s annoyed. Of course by this time I will stop being cool. Even the current millennials will not be cool.

I would have stopped being cool about 10 years back. I have always said to myself that there is nothing that he will embark on in his teenage years that I will fight. If he wants a tattoo of a silver Marabou stork on his back I will tell him Go ahead, but know that at 29 you might wish for someone else’s back and there is nothing worse for a man than to wish for someone else’s back. If he wants to pierce his tongue, or listen to grunge or wear clothes I don’t understand (I already don’t understand Kanye’s clothes, so the possibility of that last one seems quite high already) I will smile and ask “Kim, how is it possible to walk in that thing without being mistaken for a beggar from the Old Testament?”

I hope he likes girls and not boys, but should he like boys what am I going to do about that? I will be out of my depth. If he likes girls I’m certain he will be an ass guy because the apple can’t fall too far from the damn tree. And because at that time society will be open enough where your children can introduce you to their girlfriends, I will be treated to a motley parade of girls as he dates. “I like that one with a lovely chin, Kim. She’s cool.”  (“Papa, nobody says cool anymore. But, yes, Abbie is lots of fun.”) I will take him to a school where he can pretty much become what he wants to become; an artist, a writer, an engineer, an athlete, hell even a quantity surveyor I will take. Anything he wants to pursue. The only condition I will have is that he will not do drugs and never drop out of school. He will study until masters and do whatever the hell he wants.

Maybe one day when he’s 18 and graduating from high school, Tamms will take a picture of us together, showing him as a grown young man, at the cusp of his life, nursing an appetite for it, standing there against a black background of graduands, taller than me now, hungrier than me, a beast straining against his leash. I will look at that picture, taken by a futuristic iPhone that can also switch on a microwave and dye hair, and marvel at how he’s more like me then than ever before, and I will fear for the path he will embark on as a man, and the joys, pains and demons that lie in wait for him. And I will wonder if he’s ready. But who ever is? He will expect manly answers from me and I will be so deep and wise, he will always sit at my feet and look up at me like I’m messiah. I hope I make him laugh a lot. I hope he tells his friends that he doesn’t know what he would do without me. I will have written a firecracker book and I hope he keeps that book in full view in his campus room, where anyone walking in can see it, especially the girls, so they can ask, “Is that your dad?” And he will act nonchalant and shrug, and they will screech, “Oh my God, how is he in person?” and he will say, “He’s just…I don’t know, my dad?” and they will want to meet me and he will probably take advantage of the one he really likes before she gets to meet me. You know how university is, any leverage is fair game. I hope he’s proud of me. I hope I’m proud of him. I hope he and his sister grow up to be respectful and humble; good people. I hope they go back to SDA, a church I stopped connecting with.  

With all this pride and hope for my son’s future, I sometimes wonder how then, a man would wake up one day and realise that they were raising someone else’s child. When one afternoon they sit in their car alone and they open an envelope with DNA results shattering everything they know; that their daughter or son isn’t theirs. Has never been. That in his son’s veins flow the blood of another man. That his nails and hair and teeth aren’t from him. He will go back to his office and look at the framed pictures of his kids, really stare at them hard, and wonder how the hell he didn’t see that the children looked nothing like him. Maybe he will weep. Maybe he will be enraged. Maybe he will be numb. Maybe he will close his office at 3pm and go for a long drive along the Southern bypass.

You guys know Sophie Gitonga, right? Mama Pendo. She writes about food here sometimes, when she’s feeling ‘inspired’. Her day job is as a DNA scientist. She does paternity tests on the daily. I asked her what creates that spark of doubt in men to question that the kids they are raising aren’t theirs. I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?”

Does that spark a paternity conversation?

Or if you have a forehead like mine and you sire three children and none come out with your distinct forehead, is that enough reason to have some doubt? Do you know how when God gives some people a big forehead or a big head and you people look at them and say, “Aki God can be so unfair!” Well, unbeknownst to the rest, that is a good thing because folks like us might not need a paternity test. Our foreheads are paternity tests. Can all the fathers with big heads seated back there say, “Amen!”?

Sophie told me that what sparks the paternity test conversation is something so random like your wife or ex-wife or girlfriend shouting at you during a confrontation that the children are not even yours. Or the child at birth coming out looking like Amitabh Bachchan while your clan comes from deep within the Tugen Hills. Or you overhearing your grandmother say, “Those feet are not from this family.” So you spend nights going to your child’s bedroom while they are asleep and staring at their feet, and whispering in the darkness, “Whose feet are these?”

Men have sneaked her, Sophie, into their homes while their wives stepped out, and there she has taken saliva swabs from sleeping children. Men have sent her toothbrushes, strands of hair, pieces of nails, pieces of baby clothing all sealed in envelopes. If cops ever pulled Sophie over, mistaking her car for one that had been reported stolen, they would find all sorts of human parts in it. Some voodoo shit, they will conclude.  They will ask her, “Madam, wewe ni Mkenya ama unatoka Tanga?”

When the results are in, there is overwhelming relief for those who suspected the babies weren’t theirs, but deep shock for those who thought the babies were in fact theirs. Sometimes she breaks the news while they sit in parking lots. You spend 22K and wait for 10 days to seek the truth and once it’s there in your face, once it comes into your space, you are shell shocked beyond belief.

Some men chuckle and stare at nothing for the longest time, with only their nostrils indicating any sign of life.  Some order for more coffee. Some change the topic and talk about other things like they didn’t just receive devastating news. Some stare at the pictures of their children on their phones like they are a new species and sigh. Some stare at the results and ask cynically, “What if you made a mistake?” “I never make mistakes.” Sophie says softly, shattering what little hope they are still clinging to. Some don’t say anything. They simply mumble a barely audible “thanks” and leave and for days afterwards, Sophie listens out for a domestic homicide being reported in the media. They never cry. Some men ask what happens now that he already named his son, rather, the son he thought was his, after his father? Or a daughter after his mom? What happens now when he has put the name of the most important person in his life on another’s man’s child?

And what happens after that? Do you leave? Do you stay? Do you stop loving those kids? What happens if you have known they were yours for 13 years? Do you ask who the real father is? Do you ask why? Even though why is the most inadequate question ever?

Do you even want to know who the father of the kid you are raising is? Where is he? How did you meet him? Does he know? He knows?! The hell? Does he send money? His feet are large, right? Like little Cindy’s. I always knew those feet were odd, it’s the way the small toes disappeared. Our little toes don’t disappear.

But most importantly, whether you stay or leave, will your child get to know you aren’t the real father? Do they have to know? You could be seated there, reading this article and thinking, ‘Oh, God, people go through shit?’ But what if your father isn’t your father? You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father? Even if his Adam’s apple is the size of a stress ball?

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196 Comments
  1. ‘He looked so beautiful…my son that is, not Ababu. His hair kind of reminded me of Jazzy Jeff. (And off to Google, the young-uns go.)’
    Hilarious.

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  2. Ati you stealth into your child’s bedroom and stare at their feet asking “whose feet are these?”. Hahaha I hope the good Lord won’t let me get to such dark depths. And speaking of which I realise now that my pinky looks just like my dad’s. Should he ever have any doubts I’ll be like, “but forget what mum even said, our pinkies are identical dad. I know you’re my father”. Alafu Biko the only time when your son will admit they can’t imaging life without you is when they are out of your house and life hits them by the balls and you come in to rescue them because you can’t stand as they suffer and squirm and then they’ll then realise you’re probably cool after all. Good read as always.

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  3. “A beast straining against his leash!” That’s how I want little man to be remembered. If this ever happened to me, despite the obvious pain implied, I’d stay and that child would be no less mine than before I knew. Too many men leave & become statistics, one has to be different.

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    1. Gosh! How old are you? You very wise at your age! ‘too many men leave and become statistics, one has to be different’. Wow… you’ve educated me, a mom of 4 little young men!

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    2. You can stay for the child, but could you bear the pain your partner’s betrayal? How would you stay together without the trust? It’s not as easy a decision as “just staying for the child”

  4. Wow! I’ve never deeply thought of ‘DNA things’ like this. I think my greatest worry (if I was a man) would be, ‘Should I stop loving the kids now that they aren’t mine?’ or ‘Do I have it in me to continue loving them knowing that they are not my blood?’. I think this is one hard and confusing discovery. Very complicated. Great post as usual, biko.

  5. POOR LITTLE SOULS. We grown ups should be responsible with our baby-making-pleasure-giving organs.I only feel bad for those little lives that will be caught up in the storm.

  6. After 32 years? Hell no. they say “baba ni yule analea, sio yule wa kuzalisha” or something like that. I would not want to know

  7. Sophie must have one hell of a life. How does she concentrate on making a Tikil Gomen minutes after shattering a man’s life? Does she feel their pain, or is she one stone cold scientist? I wouldn’t know how to present that kind of news to a man with a little girl’s picture as his iPhone wallpaper, and tell him that the little beautiful girl isn’t his.

    I think he is my son though, he has a penchant for knives. That’s a Meru thing, right?

  8. HAHAHA this article so damn funny… ati even if his Adam’s apple is the size of a stress ball? Really? i give up… But raising someone’s kid is tricky.

    Am very sure am my fathers son. We look alike. The only difference is the height. I got that from my grand father. Excellent read as always.

  9. you know in campus what you wish for your son will probably happen. but truly that one sparked paternity conversation in my mind…what would I do if they are not mine?….

  10. But what if your father isn’t your father? You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father? Even if his Adam’s apple is the size of a stress ball?
    Hehe, a stressball, seriously Chocolate man.
    Great read!!
    I am my father’s daughter, I took after his 5 ft 11 height and the signature African flared nose.

      1. LOL, I know that particular nose, it not common, it gets crooked when I smile, it is embedded in my DNA. With immovable certitude, I know am his.

  11. it is in deed very painful to realize that what you reap is not what you sow.however
    this fixation with paternity tests is now tied to material inheritance than the
    purity of the seed.days of yore you could be as black as coal and sire a snow
    white brat and the village would knowingly wink ”ah taken after his grandpa
    long gone”and that was that.the village lives.but now!

  12. Once a palm reader told me “your father is not your father” and yet I’m his favourite child, his firstborn. I think about it now and then. I don’t want to know if its true or not.

  13. My son is a splitting image of his father, it’s even creepy; from the forehead all the way to the toe. Even the feet little feet are his hehe. I am the one who’s worried about whether am the mother, hehe..But can’t imagine what people go through when they find they are not the real fathers. Good read though

  14. I know someone who knows one of his kids is not his..I tell him he is brave to keep on pretending. He says the mum will bare the cross of her lies.clearly he doesn’t know how guilt free women can be.I’ve always wondered how the women can leave with it though.constantly worried if her secret will come out.Unfortunately most men are also clueless on paternity.some cousin comments “he has your forehead” and you begin to see that forehead even if it doesn’t exist…my advice to men.you would rather not know.fatherhood is more than seed at the end of the day(read the secret lives of baba segis wives)..if I found out my fathers isn’t daddy(I still call him daddy to date)anymore I think I’d first be shocked/maybe..maybe angry that mum would lie.But am also old enough to realise that she probably had her reasons.my dad is my dad.he raised me.I CNT start looking for some random man somewhere just to seek some genetic validation.

    1. “They could feel the guilt but bare it knowing the world doesn’t know her dearest husband is impotent.a secret she’ll carry to the grave

    2. “I CNT start looking for some random man somewhere just to seek some genetic validation”. That’s a statement from a real hero living in reality! I salute you

    3. First ‘The secret life of Baba Segis Wives’ is one of my favourites book!
      Second I agree if I found out my Dad wasn’t my father I would not go looking for the other guy, especially if my Dad was good to me
      I do feel for the guys who findout the kids arent theres it must be heartbreaking; I would love to hear from the ladies who keep it secret. What’s the motivation?

      1. Hey, do you have a download link to baba segis on amazon after the first mention andI would like to give it a deeper look…

  15. You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father?… That has got me thinking.. It’s deep to the bone marrow

  16. Eish…waited a long time for this. My day is made and yes, body parts are express DNA tests. My son inherited my behind so yeah, he has a girl’s behind. I hope it will look manly though soon. I don’t want him to get comments like “you have a good figure! “

  17. Families are difficult. Is the pain of discovering that the kids you raise aren’t yours similar to the one ladies go through after discovering that their men have children outside?

  18. So Sophie is a DNA Scientist? I would have thought!I have no doubt my father is my father because I have a gap on my front teeth just like him and my other relatives

    1. Those are things pple force you to see…like he has yiur eyes.smile.usually thats just BS..and we all know humans can look alike.maybe your wofe picked your doppleganger.hehehe.and behaviour can be more nurture than nature.just say you HOPE they are yours.

  19. A parent, is not necessarily the biological one. Some chldren even at 32yrs after finding out this though hurtful, do not form that connection with that biological father/mother.

  20. I was never really good at math but I think that chocolate man is going to stop being cool after one year
    “Kim is turning three in a month’s time. “….”Of course by this time I will stop being cool. Even the current millennials will not be cool.
    I would have stopped being cool about 10 years back” where is my actuarial science degree? Shall I apply for Mworia’s Job?

  21. “You could be seated there, reading this article and thinking, ‘Oh, God, people go through shit?’ But what if your father isn’t your father? You are 32 years old and you find out that your father suddenly isn’t your father? Will you want to see your real father?” Deep!

  22. Tough call.
    Reminds me of the time I was pregnant and my baby’s father begun to cause problems just because ‘he didn’t want to be a father’ at the time. Wah! He took me to hell and back. Then baby came out. God made her a carbon copy of him; especially her toes, legs ‘her forehead’ and even her bums..which isn’t a bad thing because he is good looking. My friends kept on saying that it would be difficult for me to completely forget him. Well..ten years on, and I’m happy to say I’ve moved on..have forgiven all, and I no longer think he is a jackass. Though my daughter has my personality, she stands and walks exactly like her dad.
    The mature thing would be to continue bringing the child up in love. The child is innocent and blameless in this scenario, so continue being a father to them. Of course for a man bringing up a boy in house, depending on how deeply entrenched he is in culture and tradition, it may affect him kidogo given that Kenya leans towards patriarchy…but it would be dumb for a guy to distance himself from children he’s called his own for that reason. I hear people saying, ‘Oh..when the child grows up they will want to look for their real dad..’ Even though they will, if you have played a part taking care of a child, they will never forget you…they will just be part of another home.

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    1. The swahili say, “hakuna mwanaharamu, kitendo ndicho haramu,”
      and I agree, the children are innocent, they never chose who their parents will be. It takes more than just donating your sperm to be a dad, kulea ndio kazi.

    1. Am my father’s son…..adams apple is a complete copy and paste…and that will be our paternity test…kwanza if i get boys….nice read chocolate man

  23. Well…. The truth is,Father hood or lets even say parenthood is more about the relationships built between the child and would be parent than it is about the DNA that runs through us.. After all these years if I found out my father was not my father biologically , I would not care – its the relationship that counts.. Not the DNA!!
    Great read ~ And si you let me take you and your fam back to SDA ?? 🙂

  24. Well I look everything like my mom…which I’m grateful for because dad wasn’t around much. But I did inherit his nose…can’t escape these noses/foreheads/feet

  25. Honestly Biko I do not know what the fuss is all
    about DNA.I was brought up by a step father. I
    do not know my biological father and I don’t feel
    the need to know or meet the man. I feel nothing
    as regards the man.
    I intend to adopt kids some day.
    Mtoto ni kulea sio kuzaa.After all exactly how
    do you think knowing my biological father would
    change how I turned out. My step father
    was everything I would want in a father

    1. that is the reality for most people nowadays.
      With men who abandon their families and do not want to take responsibility for their own, I applaud those who step up and take care of children who they did not sire but who they love and care for as if they did . kudos to yours.

    2. All my Life i have met People who express shock when they learn that i don’t know my father.Am often asked how it feels like and if it bothers me and my answer is always the same,i don’t care. In-fact his absence has never been significant,let alone the need to know his identity popping up in my head in the past 24yrs. Life continues to be fine and normal.My father is the man who has diligently played his role throughout these Years. If i ever meet the man who sired me(for one day i will)i’ll gladly want to listen to his side of the story not that my Mum has ever given me hers.

  26. In future i hope Kim gets less worried about a fairy-tale romance and concentrate that energy in finding someone who can cook first-class chapos to subdue his appetite for warus. Chapos that can make Uhuru and Ruto never eat in a kibanda while being photographed in a deliberate attempt to boost their public relation and rubberstamp their humility. Chapos that can make Zuckerberg forget about Mama Oliech’s fish and make Kenyans move on from the fact that a geeky mzungu ate fish in this country!And just incase you find out that you never sired Tamms nor Kim, find solace in the fact that they might be testtube babies.Blame Aliens and these sperm donors who are on the loose!

  27. I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?”

    I just one of my loudest laughs ever at the office! Eish! I love warus and githeri and cabbage. Should I start having doubts ?
    I loved this article so much

  28. Very fascinating just to theoretically see how beautiful Kim was and is, as he is about to turn 3…very saddening when someone realizes they are raising someone else’s child, it a tough world when some wonder if anyone ever wanted to raise you as their child. Questions you ask yourself when you have never had a chance to have a father in your life.

  29. Only a father would relate with the pain. Kids do something to you,just looking into their faces, watching them mumble to themselves while playing or feeling secretly proud when they stand up to you or question the wisdom of your many moons. We all have dreams and make plans for our children… Who they will become.. The virtues we will inculcate…teach them to bear this life. And the difference between your child and the next is the knowledge that they are Gods direct gift and responsibility to you. Blood of my blood flesh of my flesh….no pain equates to the loss of a child…and this is such an instance.

  30. The saddest part is the children, how do you tell them? do you ever tell them? heartbreak a brittle heart? I think as a man or woman you should gather up the strength and be who you have been to that child. Go raise hell with their mothers! but do you? what if they run off with the child? it’s a tricky one this one.
    speaking of which I am 33 and never met my biological dad, not even interested, don’t even care.. if he never bother when I was a brittle heart? what’s he gonna do with this tough, well grown independent woman brought up by another man?

  31. I suppose when moms drag along senile shoshos across half the counties to “drink tea” (read: baby shower) and covertly run forensics to ascertain if the kiddo is new addition to the Katweng’a clan and hoping you overhear them saying something like “ogwande chal gi waya motedo kajulu yawa” to expunge any doubt. its unfathomable if Sophie proves them all wrong !

  32. I have been looking for African literature to read this weekend but just now I am making a decision to just roam around this site.Thank you for sharing your creativity with us Biko.

  33. wow this is too deep.but all in all the real parent is the one taking care of you.anyone can sire a child but real daddies are those that are there in their kids life whether biological or otherwise.

  34. Biko you didn’t say what you would do if you found out you were not your father’s son. Would that change your outlook on who you are now?

  35. In the early 2000’s before ARVs were widely available, there was an unwritten rule that it was better not to know your HIV status. I think this DNA issue fits quite snuggly in the above scenario. From inability to let well alone,Good Lord deliver us!! (Sir. Thomas Hutchinson 1871-1960)

  36. been staring at my own feet since i finished reading this article. haven’t been able to do anything constructive coz i’m busy wondering whose feet i really take after. they neither look like my dad’s or mum’s…not even a combination of the both of them. a part from eliciting thoughts and doubts in dads, this article has elicited thoughts in me as a daughter. i’m i really my father’s daughter…lol i for sure i am! my father’s daughter indeed. the ‘obamblo’ toe nails cant be missed. Good read sir

  37. Pondering it all, but at the end of the day I’d rather not know – though am sure am Dad’s – let me sip on as I flip through these emotional comments hoping I will still get to write a review of the ‘flickering book’ before Kim leverages it in shgging hid dads fans…

  38. Has really tapped into the fears people have, our insecurities and all. But personally, am “Team Nature vs Nature.” Nature wins all the time. Even among genetically identical twins rated apart, they turn out different is raised different.

  39. Its weird how men react to being lied to yet do it all the time. Its also a very sad statistic how most men become monsters after they get those results and forget that they are the only father or dad that the munchkin has known their entire life. I know the betrayal hurts but the kids had nothing to do with that decision so don’t punish them for it.

  40. Deep. Very deep. This is the sole conversation many men go through in silent.
    Many a cases have ended up fatal. Others have ended up breaking marriages.
    others suffer in silence because what has life got to do with hate?
    Sometimes accepting the truth and moving on with life.
    Life has a way of giving you back the opportunity.
    My heart goes out there to many who are in search of answers.

  41. No i wouldn’t want to meet my realfather. Should I discover today that the man whom I totally love being daughter to, isn’t my father, really. I imagine I’d be broken that all the features I thought I got from him were not even from him. Maybe I’ll wonder silently about my real father and wish i hadn’t known the truth. But I hope I’d still be content and happy being my father’s daughter (the one who raised me up. Not the real one ).
    Thanks Biko, you engaged my emotions. As usual.

  42. I think Sophie is now in my bucket list of people I have to meet. Otherwise, feet-staring in the dark.. haha so hilarious. Good read Mr.

  43. My father is the man who raised me. Hio ingine ni genetic validation like someone said. Now that i am the only vertically challenged person in my family should i begin to question my paternity? Physical attributes remain just that. Fatherhood is more than just DNA dispensing. Interesting article Biko and quite thought provoking. Happy birthday Kim, I really hope some day he reads what you write chocolate man.

  44. On the flip side, there are children who detest and berate their fathers they hope they didn’t sire them. An example was Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart. He held his father, Unoka, in low regard almost believing he wasn’t his biological father. Then Okonkwo’s son, Nwoye, was a copy of the grandfather both in character and looks.

  45. ok, this got me thinking, i was raised by a single mother and in my now 23 years of life i have never garnered enough courage to ask her who my father is. How does it feel to have a father??? guess ill never find out but ill make sure that i become the best dad to my kids!

  46. Hahahaha reminds me once my dads peroz went visiting their in laws then as i passed greeting my grandpa (my dads old man) tells my mums peroz “huyu naye ni wenu….” sb get me Sophie!!

  47. Emotional piece. I know am my fathers daughter,got his height,toes and mannerisms, no one can convince me otherwise.
    Biko what up with being a quantity surveyor?:)

  48. Been married for 8yrs. For four years we struggled to get a child.turned out hubby was impotent. I went through insemination and conceived baby boy. will be 3yrs in a month also. Spent a whole lot of money on this.wanted a second child but couldn’t afford to go for the artificial thing.so I conceive naturally with another man. I have given my husband a family.and he is a great father.biologically the boys are not his. Being a father is more than donating sperm, en more than the DNA.

  49. With all this pride and hope for
    my son’s future, I sometimes wonder
    how then, a man would wake up one day
    and….you completely caught me off guard with your
    Line of thought…I expected you to say “and walk away
    From the child’s life and decide not to be a part
    Of that child’s future and still find peace in their
    lives”…referring to absentee fathers…maybe one day you can
    Ask the same question differently ” what sparks such
    Thoughts in a man?”…
    they open

  50. this is an good read as always. I think I am my father’s daughter though I don’t see what would change by realising he isn’t my dad when am 32. I think being a father is more than just getting someone pregnant. bringing up a child well is what real fatherhood is about.

  51. Checkded Sophie’s profile on LinkedIn and this is apparently what she studied in college..”University Of Nairobi
    Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery (M.B.B.S.). MMed (OTOLARYNGOLOGY HEAD AND NECK SURGERY)., ENT Surgery, Facial aesthetic and cosmetic surgery…I mean wtf is that eve??

  52. Quite thought provoking…. For me it would change nothing between me and the child. I will continue loving him/her the same. they will get what`s rightfully theirs in terms of inheritance and all..As for the mother, we better have had said a joyful goodbye that morning because that would be the last time we talk

  53. My thoughts after reading this….then what makes a man discriminate against his legitimate and illegitimate children? bottom line they are all children…..they carry your genes separated by a marriage certificate . how then do such men sleep at night? do they ever wake up at 3 a.m and think hows my illegitimate son or daughter? Did they even have supper or are they sleeping hungry?

  54. I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?” This got me cracking despite the seriousness of the matter!!

  55. I’ll be cool forever Biko( or whatever they’ll be calling hip then ) Also there’s ‘no fair’ game in university anymore ,the odds are against us millenials.

  56. good read as always. Happy belated birthday to beautiful lil’ Kim.( i almost wrote Kimmy hehehe)
    lemme ask, for those brought up by single moms, would you freely go to your mother seeking to know your dad? i feel like this is the hardest thing ever.

  57. Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

  58. Nice one. The law now protects children born in marriage from undergoing DNA testing.
    May Kim grow to be a strong man. I have enjoyed the reading as usual

  59. Thats how a father would feel… but picture it this way, after years of mistreatment from your father, you one day walk on him telling your mum during an argument, that he thinks you are not his son and that your mum should find you your real dad. And at that time you are only 12? How are you supposed to live in that family? Then after years of living in that situation you take it upon youself to do a parternity test without their knowledge only to find out that he is actually your real dad.Do you hate him or love him?

  60. I mean if you are, say, jango, and you are married to a jango and you notice that whenever you go to a buffet your child always skips rice and chapos, chicken curry, fish fillet, traditional veggies and makes a beeline straight for the warus and you think, “Ala, is there some Kikuyu in this my child?”

  61. Quite interesting….after going through a WhatsApp screen shot doing the rounds of some supposedly pregnant chic being dissed by the dude responsible. It was a one night stand and they barely know each other. The lady says she can’t abort and will nail the pregnancy on a different dude!

  62. My precious little princess..I definitely would never stop loving her any less if this happened to me…Can’t say the same about the mom though.

  63. For the sake of hereditary diseases and “weird” famiy traits I think children should know who their biological parent(s) are if known. I have watched way too many docus of people looking for their parent(s) one was prompted by a kidney disease to do so at the age of 49 others just want a sense of belonging and to find out about their roots how else would you explain an 80plus year old woman sending her 60 year old son out into the world to try and find her birth mother’s family and finfind out that she actually has a half brother halfway across the world. At some point a child who is old enough should know the circumstances regarding their birth if not being raised by the biological parent(s).

  64. Granted the things that me and my father have been through…..its more than DNA! but if he turned out not to mine, i would still be his

  65. Wooow, such a nice story..o love it. And that makes me believe my daughter’s dad is her real dad. Anyway well done. You can follow me up on ellywordblog.wordpress.com

  66. People with big foreheads like me don’t need to go for DNA.The thought of living a lie, cn shatter even the strongest of men

  67. You don’t want to meet someone while with your son and daughter and they say, “Wow, your girls have really grown.” That killed me
    Awesome read

  68. I have two girls the younger one has her hair cut and many times she has been mistaken to be a boy……. soo sad I have now embarked on the project………… “Fuga Nywele” for both girls.
    nice Piece Biko