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Doctor Happy

A man at the end of the bar lights a cigarette then shakes the fire off the burning matchstick. We are at Tatiz Bar, restaurant, barber and car wash, seated outside on the curved verandah overlooking Muthangari Drive. The man’s cigarette smoke stretches towards us. Dr. Kinoti is trying to find the right definition of a happy marriage. He’s in a happy marriage. But happiness is such a simple yet complex concept, isn’t it? It’s like describing the colour blue. He hasn’t always been in a happy marriage. He has been in a difficult marriage, a difficulty he created, mostly.

“A happy marriage is not just happenstance,” he will say later, “it doesn’t happen because you prayed for it. It happens because you made choices.” As it turns out, to put his happiness and marriage into perspective, he has to take me back to meet the man he was before. We have to confront that man. And question him. Because that man was a good man, but one who made bad choices. Over and over again. He was selfish and unsure and wanted to have his muffin and eat it too. The reason he is opening this door is because he isn’t embarrassed about that man anymore. That man doesn’t hold him captive. He is free of him and because of that freedom, he can look him dead in the eye.

Oh, I forgot to mention – Dr. Kinoti Mugambi is my dentist. And my children’s dentist. He knows our teeth. All of them. How did I come to talk to him about marriage, even a happy one? Well, one day I discovered that he follows me on Instagram so I followed him back (@kinotimugambi). You’d imagine that a dentist would post pictures of healthy molars and premolars. Or maybe tooth jokes like:

What do you call a dentist that doesn’t like tea?

Denis.

Or

What did the dentist tell the golfer?

You have a hole in one.

Okay, one last one.

Why the hell did the cell phone go to the dentist?

It had a problem with the bluetooth.

Ha-ha. I love that last one.

None of those jokes feature on his Instagram page. It has normal pictures of a normal guy who could be anyone, even a surveyor.  (Are surveyors on Instagram?) They are mostly pictures of smiling people with great teeth, which in itself could be product placement. I noticed that every other picture is either of his children or his wife. Or of a giraffe. Or of him running while smiling. There are many pictures of his wife. He’s one of those guys who are always posting pictures of their wives. I feel like I know her. Like I went to school with her. She’s slender and wears fitting – or sometimes – bulbous print dresses. She has a slender face and looks like those women that cats love. Of course having pictures of you and your spouse on social media doesn’t mean anything. It could mean she’s photogenic. It could also mean you have been married for three days.

One time, after a session of teeth cleaning, (I take lots of black masala tea, it stains teeth) I asked him if he was happily married. From behind his mask, he said, “Yes, I am. Very.” (Have you noticed that it’s hard to have a conversation with someone who has a mask covering their mouth?) I told him that I was looking for a happily married man to interview for Men and Marriage. “Yeah? I don’t know if I want to expose myself that way, but we can discuss it over a drink.”

“I didn’t know you drink?”

“The hell! I do. I like blended whiskies, not single malts. I also add Coke in mine.”

“Why, is it too bitter, Doc?”

He chortled and snapped down his mask.

“Some men like it sweet.”

“Ha-ha. Oh yes!”

He stood up and scribbled something on a pad. (Doctors are always writing something.) He had on white Crocs. Old 90s bluesy jams played in the room. He’s 39 and likes them old 90s ballads with lyrics of overly-ambitious men overpromising women to make love to them all night long.

“They also have Fanta as whisky mixers, just in case,” I said, determined to be an ass through and through.

“I’d say f*ck off, but I don’t mouth off at paying clients,” he chuckled.

I laughed.

“Anyway,” I said, “how a man drinks his whisky is his business.”

“Thanks for understanding.”

As I gargled water, he asked if he can come for the interview with his wife.

“It’s men and marriage,” I told him, “not men, marriage and their wives.”

***

He met Sophia in medical school, circa 2001. She was slender and beautiful and had a smile that reflected her heart. Years later, when his friend Nick would come from Russia he’d tell him that Sophia was the woman he was going to marry. He finished med school in 2006 and started shaking the bushes. She also finished not long after. (Kenyans like to say, “I cleared campus” as if it’s a thicket they cleared with a machete. Also, campus is the grounds and buildings.)

He got posted to Embu after his internship. As luck would have it, she was posted to a town near Embu. They continued with their on and off thing. “I wasn’t sure what I wanted,” he says, “ I knew I loved her, but I also loved the idea of freedom, of being young, of exploring, of having possibilities and options, because what is youth if it’s not about possibilities?”

This meant that he was seeing her but he was also not seeing her. You know what I mean, gentlemen? They were going steady and then they were not. They were a couple and then they were free to see other people. Rather, he was. A game of musical chairs but one that involved hearts, not chairs. In 2006, he decided, “You know what, I’m going to get serious with this chile.” (Whatever happened to that slang. I liked it.) “There was a ka-chick I was seeing then, and it had brought issues because someone had told her I was seeing someone else on the side but I denied it. I said, ‘Zii! She’s just a pal.’ And her being the kind of person she is, she just let it go and I was like, ‘Phew, missed that bullet.’

Then Sophia got pregnant.

“My dad always told me that I shouldn’t be that guy who gets kids all over the place, and for me Sophia’s pregnancy was a sign that perhaps I needed to be serious with her. I needed to make this legit, you know, make an honest woman of her.” So they got married officially in 2009. He gave himself a pep talk; told himself to leave all those shenanigans of yengs behind. He was going to be a father now, a serious family man. He was going to be good.

The baby came. His son. Koome. Doc cut the umbilical cord himself.  

“You have children, so you know that euphoric feeling of your first child,” he says. “That boy awakened something in me, a terrific kind of joy. This inexplicable happiness. Real happiness. I posted so much about him on Facebook, wrote lots of updates about him on my page. I even opened for him his own Facebook account.”

He stopped seeing the other chick. He was being good. He helped with the baby, woke up when the baby cried, changed diapers. He even learnt how to test the temperature of the water with his elbow. He wasn’t the kind of guy who calls home from the supermarket to ask, “Ati you said I buy which size of diaper?” He was the guy who knew the size.

Then one day, against anything he could comprehend, he called that girl and said, “Hey, you want to meet up?” He couldn’t explain why he would do something like that; how he had this happiness in his life, this boy and this wife who gave him this boy yet he still wanted to see this other girl. Something had invaded his flesh. It was like he had two versions of himself. Although he disliked the other version – this version that wanted to ruin what he was building at home – he felt that he had to entertain him, this illicit version that wanted to lurk in darkness, this selfish man with running desires and a flesh that was burning. And so this version would lead him on a leash and he would find himself knocking at the girl’s door. He would stand there thinking, ‘What the hell is this?’ He’d want to turn back and run to his car and go home. But he wouldn’t, he would hear her footsteps coming to the door and he’d wait, hands thrust in his pockets.

“But guilt would kill me after. Oh, I’d be so guilty,” he says. He would flog himself with guilt after, and then repeat it. One day, before his son turned one, he decided he was going to put a stop to his escapades. He drove out to the chick’s house after work, after seeing hundreds of teeth. It was a very dark night, no stars, no moon, just a grouchy sky, bruised in some parts. “I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore,” he says, “that I wanted to focus on my family, that it was the right thing for me and that I would like it if she supported me.” She was seated on the arm of the seat in a short dress. The TV was off. The fridge hummed somewhere in the kitchen. She said it was fine. That she understood. He slipped out of her house and life and vowed to lead a virtuous life like Jesus did.

“A week later, my pal calls me when I’m at work and says, ‘Boss, X [that chick] has commented on a picture on Facebook!’ I quickly log in and look at a picture I had posted of Sophia. In one of the comments Sophia had commented saying something about her loving husband and on her comment this chick wrote something like, ‘Yeah, the loving husband that we both share…’ You guy! I completely freaked out! I deleted that picture quickly.”

“I hope you have kept that pal!” I laugh. “Everyone needs that friend. An eye in the sky.”

“I have. He’s called Eric,” he says.

(Eric if you are reading this, have a double.)

He contemplated calling this chick but didn’t. He let it go. Five months passed. This one time he was MCing at a friend’s small event. Sophia sat in the front row in a flowy dress, her hair done. “You always know when something is eating at your wife and you are the cause. I instinctively knew something was wrong. Her body language was off. She wasn’t laughing at the jokes I was telling on stage. She was giving me this cold, icy look. Her friends were also treating me funny. I just knew that the chick had done something. At the end of the evening, Sophia told me, ‘We have to talk’ and I knew that shit had hit the fan.”

On their way to the after party, she sat in what he describes as a “deathly silence.” It’s a silence every man knows too well. It’s when you have done some bad shit and your woman sucks out every sound from the room and lets you sit in that deafening silence. While he drove, his mind was a whirlwind; what had she unearthed? “I had a green Subaru Forester back then and I remember that it was so silent in that car I could hear the distinct sound of the turbo, which seemed louder than usual.”

They got to Sailor’s Club in Hurlingham and sat away from the rest, in a corner. Sophia started by saying, “You know X, the girl that we have been having a problem with for long, the same girl you have always denied having a thing with, you know her right? Well, she inboxed me on Facebook.” He wanted the trumpet to blow and for Jesus to come back right that moment. He hoped she wouldn’t see his heart beat so fast under his shirt. He tried to keep his face neutral, but his breathing was off. But he had only one consolation, he hadn’t seen or talked to her since he told her it was over. He had that comfort of truth on his side and he was going to buoy onto it.

She then silently retrieved her phone and showed him the message. “It was a long message, my friend. Long! That woman had said things on that thread,” he says. “Back in those days Messenger would take a bit of time to load so I was reading and sitting there waiting for it to load and wondering how much worse was left.” That chick threw him under the bus. “She wanted to teach me a lesson,” he says.

When he was done reading those damning messages, she said simply, “You will never see your son again.” They went home and that night she told him that she didn’t want him to sleep on their bed. He said he wasn’t taking the couch in his house. (Meru men don’t take the couch.) So she said, “Fine!” and slept facing Guangzhou. The next day, while he was at work, her best friend came over and together they packed her stuff, bundled his son and the nanny into the car and left.

“I wanted to kill that chick. If I’d have met with her in a dark alley I would have strangled her to death with my hands,” he says. “I was so mad and bitter at her. I wished her death – the violent type of death.”

The days that followed were distressing. Confusing. He couldn’t sleep well. He apologised and begged her to come back. He begged and begged. She finally rescinded her decision and came back home. They ironed things out and were cool. For three years. “I was a good man. I did what good men do. What good husbands do. Three years!” he says.

Then one day, he called up that girl. That same girl. He called her up and said, “What’s up! You want to have coffee?”

“You are kidding me!” I say laughing.

“It’s witchcraft, you guy,” he says, “witchcraft!”

Here is how he was caught the second time. He had a lousy phone; a bugger that never kept charge. One day he bought a phone and instead of throwing this old phone in the dustbin or in a drop toilet, he tossed it into the drawer of their wardrobe. Genius move from the dentist. Someone please hand the doctor a plaque. (Been dying to use that plaque joke). Time passes. Months. One day the wife is leaving for a weekend Naivasha trip with the girls. She tells him, “Babe, my phone is rubbish.” He tells her, “Aah, si you can use my old phone temporarily. Hang on, let me find where I kept it.” He gives her the phone with all the old messages which he had kept for the Second Coming and off she goes to Naivasha. When she gets there, there is radio silence. “It was so unlike her. She was too quiet. I knew something was wrong.” Then the coin drops. The phone! The messages! Those are the things that can make one drive all the way to Naivasha at 2am. Or pray for a miracle. Anyway, she comes back and shows him the messages on the old phone and says, “Are you serious, Kinoti? Are you serious?! You are still talking to this woman?! I can’t believe you, I just can’t! Don’t. Touch. Me!”

Thankfully, the messages were not salacious. Just coffee dates and all.  

Right here is the point that a woman will say, Fine, you want to run around with women with bad weaves and worse grammar, go gaga. You do you, I will do me. When it gets to this point, it’s bad. It’s very bad. All bets are off. It’s open season.

“One day I discovered through a friend of hers that she was close to some other man. That she was having drinks and coffees with him, that there was a chance something was happening there,” he says. “It hit me like a brick. That she could be doing things I was doing. It crushed me, completely. I confronted her and she denied.”

He got sick. Literally. Like malaria sick. He had shivers and fever and his bones hurt. He couldn’t get out of bed. His heart hurt like hell. That’s the thing with us men, we want to be the cock of the walk but when there is even a whiff that someone is giving our woman attention we get malaria and we want to die.

“At around this time I had just gotten a great deal of a lifetime to go practise in Congo and had accepted but now I didn’t even want to leave Nairobi, not when there was a chance that some other man might be in the picture. I was heartbroken, completely and utterly. I realised how selfish I had been. How inattentive I had become. I was a young doctor, making some money. I felt entitled. I could afford to treat girls. The world was mine. I had put my career before her. I had put my son before her. She came last on my list and I had completely ignored her needs while I was busy chasing mine.”

By the way, I forgot to mention that we are drinking. Rather, I am. Dr. Kinoti is a poser drinker. Those guys who will nurse one double for three hours. He uses his glass of whisky as an accessory. But what did I expect of someone who mixes his green label with coke?

“I remember this guy’s name, this guy who was buying my wife lunches, dinners and coffees,” he says. “I found him on Facebook. I knew his wife’s name and his children’s names. I also knew that he had found an opportunity where I was missing. It wasn’t his fault or her fault. It was my fault but it didn’t feel like my fault, it felt like deep hurt. Like death.”

He tells Sophia that they need to sort this mess before he goes to Congo. So for the first time since they were married, they leave town for a retreat in Maasai Mara with another couple, in case someone tries to kill the other. They talk for days and nights and agree to start afresh. No lies. No women. No man. No coffees. No old phones with old messages.

“I come back to Nai and leave for Congo with a heavy heart,” he says. Congo was busy and isolated. He worked as a partner for a high end dentist that catered for the wealthiest of the wealthy in Congo, tier one politicians, the UN. He worked twelve hour shifts and at the end of the day, since he couldn’t speak French and had no friends, retired home alone. He did nothing but think. And jog. “I was so miserable. I have never been that miserable and sad. I would cry at night. Literally. I could cry on my jogs. In Congo I was alone and lonely. Only one or two of my friends would check up on me. My dad called me often,” he says. “When you are alone, in your house, your thoughts gallop. I would imagine that my wife was out there with this man. When she would tell me she was going for a work trip – because as a doctor, her job required a bit of travel – I would wonder if she was with him. Jealousy and suspicion consumed me and it plunged me in such deep unhappiness and a constant state of insecurity. Which was ironic, because here I was making tons of money, tons of it, but I was so sad and miserable. All I wanted was to be with her. I wanted things to be right again. I wanted to feel that she was mine entirely. I would call home a lot to check up on her. Others could call it stalking her, [ chuckles] but I would call a lot and ask how things were, how her day was and for the first time, I was interested in my wife as a person. I gave her attention. I wanted to know about her, genuinely. And I realised that I loved her more than I imagined. And only her.”

After six or so months, he came back home horny (don’t look at me, those were his words) and they went for a trip. He said he realised that he was in love with her and didn’t want to hurt her again. He didn’t ever want to look at another woman again because she was a great woman and she was his woman. There was no need to find anything else out there.

He asked her to move to Congo. He said, “Quit your job. I will pay you whatever you are currently earning now to come and be with me. Money and Congo don’t make sense without you. Come with me, come and make sense of my life.” He was willing to pay her anything to be his wife. So she quit and relocated to Congo and those years in Congo, he says, were the best years of their lives. “The bond we shared in Congo was special, a bond nothing can ever break because it was just me, her and Koome. We talked a lot. We did things together. I learnt to be a husband again. I learnt that the most important person in my life is not even my child, it’s my woman. So I put her first before myself and before anything else. Congo saved my marriage.”

They came back in 2017 to have their second born – Kanana, the tyrant – then he went back. He finally relocated back completely in 2018 and continued with his dentistry at Upper Hill Dental Center, a modern dentistry hovel. It’s pristine white. When you lie on the dentist’s chair, there is a big screen on the roof where you can watch Netflix or whatever, while he probes a tooth. When the TV is off, he’s always playing slow, groovy-ass music like Lionel Richie. Or some gospel, the slow modern type that they will play during the procession to heaven. There is an X-ray room where one of the lovely Dental Surgery Assistants – Karimi or Roslyn – tells you to “bite here.” My son Kim loves going there because Doc’s gentle and he entertains him. Tamms couldn’t be bothered. She doesn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve; you have to earn them.

While his practice thrives, his marriage blossoms. So when he defines happiness now he says, “I found happiness when I eliminated what was distressing me. Now I’m in this zone of happiness and freedom because I had to make choices. But I have to say that I’m here because of my wife. She gave me many chances because she can weather a storm, because she read out the riot act and because she’s a good woman. In my heart I know that for a fact, she is a great person inside, very generous.”

“She has forgiven and let go of all my past transgressions. She never reminds me of them even when we fight. She never says, ‘Oh, like that time you used to run around with that bi**h!’ She forgives and expects her forgiveness to count, so I have to honour that.”

We talk about marriage some more. I’m now tipsy so I show him a Whatsapp message Julius, my bro, had written to me this one time I had asked him how he keeps the fire in his marriage alive. He wrote, “ …by accepting your partner for who she is and not who she should be or who she could be…” Kinoti nods and says, “That’s true.”  “...the latter one is a big problem that keeps recurring because then you keep wanting to model them on your own ideals. You have to accept that your wife is not perfect, that you are not perfect and that there is always something we will miss which can be found in someone else. Acceptance is the key word here. Accept. Accept. Accept. Otherwise marriage is an eternal fire that sometimes flickers or burns but one that must be closely monitored like the life support machines at ICU.

Kinoti says, “He is right.”

“How do you now remain faithful? How do you make sure you don’t slip?”

“The easiest way to remain faithful is to go home,” he says. “Just go home. I also have great friends who keep me accountable – Migs, Dennis and Nick. If you learn to just go home you will be okay. Why go looking for trouble? Because, come on, there will always be that chic who is your type, the one who gets you, that one who is hot and who you are infatuated with. She will always be there, but you need to decide what’s key for you. So just go home. Walk away. I don’t play with fire. Have I been tempted before? A thousand times. Have I met someone who I wanted to get on with? A thousand times. But you have a choice and they all come with their consequences.”

“How is your sex life?” [Like I said, I’m tipsy. I need to go home.]

“Sex changes. Look, we both work long hours and often when we meet we are too tired. I’m too tired to get creative with styles and whatnot. My game has gone down sana.” He chuckles. “But you know what helps? When we take time off and do trips together. That’s when now I make up for all those nights I was just playing around.”  

“You put your back into it.”

“Yeah, because you have time and you are relaxed. But I think at some point you have to make sure that you don’t go too long without sex. Don’t let it get to two weeks without sex,” he adds. “We are also seeing a sex therapist (Miss Nerima) who is supposed to be excellent at reigniting coital fires, but we’ve only had one session with her.”

“So what’s a happy marriage in a thumbnail?”

“It’s easier to make my wife happy than to make my son happy. All I have to do is give her attention. I make sure that we have a dinner date every week. I used to buy her flowers every week until she gave away the vase. I listen to her. When she comes venting after work, don’t offer a solution, don’t get your phone and say, ‘Here, call Wambua, tell him I sent you.’ She doesn’t want a solution, she wants you to listen to her. So I have learnt to listen…”

“And nod and say things like, ‘What? How dare she? That boss is an idiot, my God! Those people DO NOT deserve you!’”

“Ha-ha, yeah. I buy her gifts . I randomly pass by Gacheri’s shop ( Gachy’s, Elysee Plaza, Kilimani road. She has great chic stuff) and pick her heels and clothes. It makes her happy. You have to invest in your marriage. You have to invest in your wife. You have to prioritise and honour her. Anything I do now I do to safeguard and uplift her. If it will hurt her, I won’t do it. And when she is happy, I am happy.”

“Boss, let me go now. I think I’ve had enough to drink,” I say, signaling for the bill.

“Can you drop me off?”

***

There is no announcement today. It’s a tragic day.

290 Responses
  • Kimani
    26.03.2019

    1st 🙂

    4
    • Lizzay
      27.03.2019

      Married people here will understand that Dr. Kinoti is in a happy marriage because there’s nothing like a perfect marriage. Marriage is a place of forgiveness, sacrifice and love.

      The single here were hoping for a ‘knight in shining armour’ typa hollywod story and will call this hogwash. Not knowing the sweetness that comes in marriage after conquering adversity together.

      Happy marriages are those that have survived storms like adultery, poverty, childlessness, death, debt, disease, disability etc. And the couple have stuck together all through. Hizo zingine ni fake news.

      I learnt in pre-marital counselling that there’s no sin that your husband or wife can commit that you can’t forgive. The same way Christ forgives us our sins.

      147
      • Wanjira
        27.03.2019

        Adultery is a choice. Not an adversity.

        47
        • Tess
          27.03.2019

          Say that again and again..

          4
          • Doki
            29.03.2019

            So happy for you Kinots! Good job on growth. And Sophie star!

            1
          • Boyani
            29.03.2019

            Your wife is patient. I’d be gone for good.

            7
          • Cate
            22.04.2019

            Needed this story so that I know I’m not crazy.Can I get your wife’s number…need to start a support group

            2
          • Naomi Gloria
            01.05.2019

            Marriage is a religion. Period.

          • Mwanikizarbanson
            16.05.2019

            A great inspiration

        • Jackiey Okatso
          27.03.2019

          Spot on. This article got me in ways i can’t explain. Thanks Biko for this. Such an eye opener.

          10
        • Wairimu
          28.03.2019

          You can say that again Wanjira . A very conscious decision.

          1
        • Kuwirua
          28.03.2019

          Lovely use of local names of people and places…

          Not the usual english or abitrary made up names to hide our fear of our ethnic heritage being misconstrued..

          2
        • Cathy Mbacha
          29.03.2019

          Cheating is indeed a choice. The consequences are dire. Ask Natalie Tewa and those who hide behind I haven’t been caught. Cheaters are losers in my book. They need to start by loving themselves.

          9
        • Lizzay
          01.04.2019

          True, I should have said wrong life choices as opposed to adultery. There’s is no excuse for him intentionally cheating on his wife. Forgivenes is a choice too.

          2
      • Yvonne
        27.03.2019

        My dear Lizzay. I agree with your sentiments 100% apart from one point of view. You commit adultery, just once, and get caught, then see whether your so-called “loving husband” will forgive you. We make so many excuses for men and fail to uphold our standards, but when we slip, they have no qualms upholding their standards. My take. Have a lovely day all.

        33
        • Moraa
          29.03.2019

          My biggest question has always been, ‘ when does one know it is enough and it has to stop and walk out?’

          1
          • wanjiku
            29.04.2019

            you will just know

        • Lizzay
          02.04.2019

          Lol Yvonne, it doesn’t work that way.

          1
      • Linda Grace
        27.03.2019

        Very true.

      • Precious
        21.04.2019

        Choices have consequences…Do what is right for your family everything else will flow. Great piece

      • Alicen
        27.04.2019

        I’m not married yet, buy I’m gonna remember this for the rest of my life.

    • Felix
      27.03.2019

      Chief, sorry to bust your bubble, you didn’t even see that part where Daktari says “he puts his back to it”

      3
    • Kipkirui
      09.04.2019

      All ladies need to be like Sophie. Forgiveness is key to a lasting relationship

      1
    • Sarah
      18.04.2019

      Excellent!Spot on! Always enjoy reading your work!So real about life!Happy for you Dr.Kinoti!

    • Nene
      10.05.2019

      As always., Biko, your words are Like the healing portion in my soul. I’m so humbled and honored that my man introduced me to your readings. My 1st article was -A long post.one of the best I ever read because at that time I was going through a lot, self acceptance, had just had my first baby ciku whose now almost 4.You are an amazing soul. Don’t stop writing.

  • Susanne Margaret
    26.03.2019

    Here we go, for the ride..

    3
    • Muchira Senior
      26.03.2019

      I find this descriptive of my previous me

      2
    • Mama Pendo
      26.03.2019

      Beautiful read,always looking forward to Tuesdays.
      Keep up the good work!

      6
      • Wambui
        28.03.2019

        I love the 3rd tooth joke too

    • Mboya
      27.03.2019

      Kamati ya Ethnic Profiling & Stereotyping tungependa kujua jina la pili la huyu Sophia.

      17
  • Dr. Karimi
    26.03.2019

    “Kenyans like to say, “I cleared campus” as if it’s a thicket they cleared with a machete.”

    hahah guilty as charged

    17
    • Cynthia
      27.03.2019

      Awesome read

  • Susanne Margaret
    26.03.2019

    Here we go, for the ride of the firsts..

    2
  • Muthoni
    26.03.2019

    Beautiful and real.

    1
  • Christine
    26.03.2019

    Now that’s a woman right there, subtle enough to give away the vase

    40
    • juster
      26.03.2019

      Awesome read! Maturity at its highest. Knowing your partner’s needs. Loving without conditions.

      14
      • Winnie
        26.03.2019

        Amazing

        1
        • Leen
          26.03.2019

          Woow. This has been a beautiful read!!!

      • Benjamin Danga
        27.03.2019

        I need it

    • Karura Mutema
      26.03.2019

      All men should read this. My only question is, does he expect the same from the wife or does he do all that without expecting anything in return?
      Problem is most spouses will do something nice and expect something even better in return.

      12
      • kinoti
        26.03.2019

        we all need reciprocity to varying degrees . . . It is in the human nature that we need to love and to be loved back . . . .however, i dont expect a 1;1 “repayment” for anything i do . .. . . that said, i feel sufficiently loved and cared for . . . . absolutely

        109
        • Atieno Kosura
          27.03.2019

          This!!!!

        • Richard Maina
          27.03.2019

          Nice story. My life story will make a bestseller. Biko we should catch up for coffee.

          3
        • MsemaKweli
          29.03.2019

          Nice story. A very sanitized version though…. for those of us who knew our dear doctor. Sometimes the people you interview Biko forget that there are so many people who know their real story.

          Really hope things changed.

          2
          • Mungai
            04.04.2019

            Tell us the original version, we are all ears(eyes).

          • Nkirote
            08.04.2019

            MsemaKweli are your words (and intentions) true, good or useful? Might you be Kinoti or Sophia? If not, you don’t know their real story. Respect someone’s marriage enough to mind your own.

            2
      • Chrs
        26.03.2019

        love is about giving without expecting.If you do you will be disappointed.

        12
        • Sharley A.
          26.03.2019

          awesome read.

          1
          • Gacoki
            26.04.2019

            Good story, good pointers,good read.
            Love it.

      • Anthony
        28.03.2019

        Note – she’s happy, I’m happy… The good book says better to give than receive… Bottom line, appreciation is all most people need…

    • Karura Mutema
      26.03.2019

      Veeery beautiful story!

      1
      • Fridah Ngure
        26.03.2019

        Veery beautiful

        1
    • Stephen
      26.03.2019

      Giving away the vase was a message? I woulf have missed it by a mile and probably brought her another vase.

      37
      • Mims
        27.03.2019

        haahahahahaha..i choked with laughter.yenyewe that is missing it by a mile.

        1
      • Nanna
        17.04.2019

        What does it mean, i can’t seem to hack what giving away the vase means.

        1
    • Joy
      26.03.2019

      I know right . He got the message.

      3
    • Kinoti
      26.03.2019

      she briefly gave it to her mum . .. . it has since been re-united with our living room shelves . . . .

      40
  • Val
    26.03.2019

    Denis! lol! I just got this joke!

    7
    • Magda
      26.03.2019

      Took me a while to get it too and once I did I laughed out so loud!

      1
      • Vicky
        27.03.2019

        Sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.
        Ravi Zaccharias
        All choices have consequences, so rightly put .l only wish more married couples understood marital dynamics early enough.

        6
  • Chero
    26.03.2019

    First to comment. But after reading the post. Hope all of us get to this point someday.

    5
  • Wilma
    26.03.2019

    This is your happy story about marriage? About a guy who fools around on his wife and finally sees the light when he suspects she’s doing the same/gets caught.?This is utter horseshit Biko. I don’t know whether this is a reflection of who we are as a society or rather a consequence who you choose to interview. Either way if this is the happiest story of marriage you can find then maybe it’s time to change the series to “Women and marriage”. Maybe there’ll be some happy stories there. Or maybe just stop writing about marriage cause this shit is depressing.

    170
    • Aly
      26.03.2019

      I second, it’s time we get a different perspective on this marriage business

      21
      • Aly
        26.03.2019

        On the ‘women and marriage’

        3
      • BlackPanther
        26.03.2019

        Maybe this is the perspective.

        1
    • Tasha
      26.03.2019

      @Wilma, Horseshit??? LOL. I don’t have a dog in this fight.

      11
    • Bumble Bee
      26.03.2019

      I honestly think this is a happy marriage. Here and now.

      A marriage consistently happy from the beginning would be a boring marriage.

      When you’ve been on the brink of loosing sth, you ricochet back to appreciate it like your life depends on it.

      He’s not doing bare minimum, he’s actually working on their marriage every day, buying her gifts, dates, flowers, listening to her, the things she clearly loves.

      Most men would think since they’re good men there’s no need to go above and beyond for their women.

      But here’s a man who learnt to appreciate what he had and be content with it.

      Sounds to me like a very very happy marriage.

      He didn’t lie about him being a Kamasutra, but he mentions he makes up by taking time off sometimes, he knows it’s important!!

      Again, happy marriage to me‍♀️

      Ps. I’m I the only one not getting email notifications?

      93
      • Malaika
        26.03.2019

        True, you never really know the true value of anything or anyone until you lose it or them. He realized just before he totally lost her, and in this he truly realized the gem he was about to lose and . Makes that decision everyday to love her be her friend.

        9
        • Richard Price
          27.03.2019

          Nice story on marriage salvaged.
          My life story will make a bestseller. Biko we should catch up for coffee.

      • Sharon
        26.03.2019

        I ain’t getting notifications either.

        1
      • Nailet
        26.03.2019

        Thought am the only one

        1
      • GK
        26.03.2019

        I opine that a happy marriage from the beginning would not be a boring marriage, but rather a boring story to readers. However, the story need not be boring as there would be much learn from a such a marriage, for example, how the couple handles every day life, tragedy, temptations, differences and disagreements.

        Is the dentist’s marriage is an example of a happy marriage? My view is that it is a great example of a successful second chance.

        47
        • Dee
          26.03.2019

          Successful second chance it is …..

          7
          • Kambua
            28.03.2019

            Not everyone deserves a second chance. There are men out there who don’t love themselves and sleep with multiple women to fill whole. If you come across such, RUN.

            4
      • Joy Mutuku
        26.03.2019

        I didn’t get an email notification as well. What could be the problem? @Biko

        4
        • Caroline Kinyua
          27.03.2019

          No one is perfect, neither does marriage guarantee you’ll become angels; marriage is not a bed of roses! This is a perfect story of love because they have decided to rise above the storms in life!

          5
      • Kinoti
        26.03.2019

        your first sentence is spot on. hope more see/live in the present and cherish it. . . . we can learn from our folly of the past, or absolutely ignore it. . . .

        10
        • Becky
          29.03.2019

          Hello Dr. Kinoti, Sorry you felt lonely in Congo. Was it the DRC or Congo Brazzaville? I am a medical doctor, living in Kinshasa. My family would have invited you for dinner once in a while. I was a refugee in Kenya in my childhood years. That’s where I learned English. If you ever come back in Congo (and you live near), let us know.

          1
      • Gathonie
        27.03.2019

        Me too

        1
      • Lucile
        27.03.2019

        Same here, haven’t had any notifications for a while now….

        I totally think this is a happy marriage, real and happy, not perfect, has never been perfect…

    • Kate
      26.03.2019

      Yeah! I find the guy pretentious…he is like a ticking bomb. Or he is now sure his wife can play the game too.

      17
      • Kaitty
        26.03.2019

        But these Meru men…take the couch for who? Try another!

        4
    • Malaika
      26.03.2019

      unless you live on mars.

    • Ken
      26.03.2019

      I think ,the blog is on happy marriage and not happy beginning or a perfect marriage. Marriages are bitter and breaking because people in the union focus more on “recipe” of happy marriage instead on knowing the person they are married to.As Kinoti says, no one is perfect .He might be faithful but a drunkard. She might be a good woman but judgemental. We can’t live in past forever. If they are happy now, it is a happy marriage .

      21
    • Anne
      26.03.2019

      Read ‘Bedded bliss’ by Racheal Kramer Bussel. It’s a combination of different stories by different authors at different stages of their marriages. Disclaimer: it’s erotica

      7
    • My sentiments exactly.

      3
    • Yollan
      26.03.2019

      Am also disappointed with this version of a happy marriage. I need a better story. I hope it’s the beginning of happy marriage stories.

      4
      • Timothy
        26.03.2019

        Maybe this is his version of Happy.

        1
    • Toti
      26.03.2019

      true

    • Tracy
      26.03.2019

      “Maybe there’ll be some happy stories there. Or maybe just stop writing about marriage cause this shit is depressing.“

      7
    • Gregory
      26.03.2019

      Wilma i think you are a bit misguided on this one. To get a flawless happy story on marriage is a mirage. marriage is a situation where you fail many times in different ways but have to keep improving yourself with each fall. The good doctor has realized his mistakes and worked on them. The wife is also not perfect but together they are ready to make it work. It’s very easy to expect a rosy picture perfect marriage but it does not exist.

      15
    • S.N.
      26.03.2019

      You took the words right out of my mouth! Damn…can we get a story of a man who WASN’T cheating!?

      7
      • Ocampo
        29.03.2019

        We had Frank and weed….but he wasnt cheating.

    • Gichuki
      27.03.2019

      Life entails an ever evolving self-discovery journey. Till a time one gets to understand what to hold constant as the discovery process continues, happiness will be elusive. Finding a partner whose association and value system mingles coherently with yours, makes the journey wortwhile. The unfortunate bit, we forget that we were a man and a woman, first, before we got into a union. In most marriages, in the progression of time, selfishness and individualism consumes from deep within (one neglects the feelings and emotions of the other). They drift far away, unbeknown to the strain they’re subjecting the marriage. Unless the actual cause of the selfishness is addressed, the drift becomes too wide. Dr. realised so and acted to rectify his. The bliss of his marriage commenced when he realized what constants to hold, as the self discovery (accompanied by his partner) continued. The worthness of a life partner.
      As Biko said in an earlier post, “people don’t dissapoint you, your expectations of them does”. Dr. chose to accept and expect nothing at the same time. An opinion, rather a fact to be embraced by one who works towards happiness of his/her union. Accept! Accept! Accept! Leave expectations out of your marriage..

      8
    • Elayne
      27.03.2019

      Your time and energy are limited. Choose wisely where you invest them. Save some for the things that nourish you.

      5
    • Beatie Bee
      27.03.2019

      Exactly, so Kinoti reformed for his own selfish reasons…ptoh!

    • Mysterious
      28.03.2019

      What are you bitter for, woman? Who hurt you? You cannot try to impose your idea of “happy” on other people. In doing so, you are bending the consciences of others to your limited perspective. What’s more, did anyone say that this is the “happiest” story about marriage? I don’t think so. You are a characteristic feminist that gets easily irked when it’s not about women and shit. For the sake of order, Biko is doing a series about “men and marriage.” It’s not the first time were handling topics systematically here. Whatever angle or perspective he picks, it’s up to him; if you don’t like it, pass, just pass. Wow! Your “this shit is depressing” is just but your own shit you created for yourself. Thank you

      1
    • Hedaya&Thomas Mundia
      29.03.2019

      This is the reality of marriage. We are all sinners… It is perfect in its imperfections (whatever they may be). Till death do us part… I admire Sophia. God gives us the graces we need to overcome difficulties that may arise due to human weakness. What is impossible to (wo)man is possible with God.

    • Mush
      09.04.2019

      A happy ending (Absolutely no pun intended) ranks up there in ” a happy story marriage”. The fooling around is real. The forgiving is real. The hard work is real. The Cinderella line of living happily ever after is not very educative.

    • Kibet
      11.04.2019

      Oh yeah? Women and Marriage? because those women are married to God’s disciples?
      I mean, one of those women would be Sophia and her happy story would be similar. You are those twitter hashtag folks who want the world to see things in your own perspective? Happy is relative. Oh sorry, #happyisrelative.

    • Wacera
      02.05.2019

      So at what point did you rather he changed? He tried quiting before he was caught the first time. My take is, whatever can hit you back to sobriety, let it be. We all have our turning points. Yes he made stupid mistakes, he admits that. And so does everyone else. We all have hurt people in different ways and we all need grace. We cant keep judging people so harshly and denying them of grace to pick up a new life.

    • Ollie
      20.05.2019

      Preach sis,
      I get that the series is ‘Men and Marriage’ but I feel that this piece reinforces the narrative that women must suffer before they get their happy ending. Why?

  • kemunto
    26.03.2019

    where are the emojis on my computer drat!!!! Now this is a fair pragmatic approach to marriage where both partners reap the benefit of marriage. Strength doesn’t mean enduring bad behavior all your married life

    4
  • Nava
    26.03.2019

    I love this!

    Could you please get a story of a happy marriage, without a side piece? I need hope.

    35
    • Kimani
      26.03.2019

      Itakuwa ngumu for now please!

      7
      • Wairimu
        26.03.2019

        He didn’t list Éric as one of the friends who keep him in check. Lol.

        He should drop him.

        13
    • juster
      26.03.2019

      Can two grown up people stay together without bruising one another? Some people here are getting it all wrong..There is nothing like a happy marriage Monday to Monday unless you want to fake it. What Biko is giving us is the reality on the ground….Having issues here and there does not mean that you’re not happily married. The trick is solving your problems, forgiving each other and forging forward.

      49
  • red rose
    26.03.2019

    A happy wife is a happy home…lakin Biko, so he drops you ndo akamatwe na alcoblow… lol!!

    • Kinoti
      26.03.2019

      you missed the part that im a “poser drinker” LOL

      6
  • Edward Opany
    26.03.2019

    “I found happiness when I eliminated what was distressing me. Now I’m in this zone of happiness and freedom because I had to make choices…. choices choices choices ……..

    9
  • Carolyne Momanyi
    26.03.2019

    Wow so real, Happiness is a made of choices that we make…………………….

    2
  • Migs
    26.03.2019

    Last week but one I had a talk with a colleague,

    So i told him I chill home and I rarely go out to stray randomly,

    He said, you will be a keeper!

    (Just go home) I now relate.

    5
  • Jay
    26.03.2019

    Is it me or isn’t Daktari’s story too scripted? Makes his relationship sound a tad menial and also beware ofor us men who over post our significant others… normally over compensating for something

    13
  • Marion
    26.03.2019

    I’m looking forward to getting married. To who? I don’t know

    4
    • Mike
      27.03.2019

      I’m going to marry you Marion, look for me.

      12
  • Ngina
    26.03.2019

    Most authentic version have read so far in this series. So real. Good luck to the daktaris. (The plugs though….)

    6
    • Kinoti
      26.03.2019

      HEHE. . . . no cash exchanged hands though . . . .

      2
  • WAMBUI
    26.03.2019

    AAWWWW i love…
    Such a wonderful read marriage aint easy but when you are selfless its makes it bearable..i love how honest he is about his sex life..

    3
  • seki
    26.03.2019

    haha! this ain’t it Biko… i think the subtle note you are trying pass across is that the happy ones are rare and hard to come by.

    1
  • Mkenya Halisi
    26.03.2019

    The last paragraph sums it all. Happy Wife equals Happy Husband

    2
  • Bree
    26.03.2019

    Witchcraft is real!!! Bless the soul that forgives and truly forgets.. May may heart grow to be as beautiful as hers… 🙂

    7
  • Millie
    26.03.2019

    A refreshing read. Very real, very good advice right there.

    3
  • Kimani
    26.03.2019

    Wow.. I am going home now!

    3
  • eng mware
    26.03.2019

    go start you blog

  • Wanja
    26.03.2019

    Still smiling…great read. He is lucky he was given those chances ..There is hope after all.

    1
  • Sally Ranji
    26.03.2019

    Eiiish that side chick had some guts!!This is what happens when side chicks can’t be put on a leash!!
    Anyway,I am happy they found their happy ending and they were able to forgive and move on…

  • Mathew
    26.03.2019

    Crazy

    1
  • Emily
    26.03.2019

    Wow,what a great read!

  • sandra
    26.03.2019

    very inspiring

  • Jochebed
    26.03.2019

    This is a nice piece!she is not a flower type..

    1
  • Jacklyne Wabuko
    26.03.2019

    Witchcraft is real…..

  • Malaika
    26.03.2019

    Wow.. To get a man who admits that he was the problem, now that is rare. Its always, she let herself go or she did not cook my favourite dish like mum used to. Oh or this one, sex got boring, I was looking for excitement as if sex is a one person affair! He has admitted that it was his choices that were bad and he went back made a choice to work things out with the wife and stick to his decision of loving her. Love is a choice, we choose everyday who to love and care for. She chose to forgive and forget, i totally love how open their communication is, it is the glue that holds everything together.Happy for him. May I one day have such a story to tell.

    10
  • Priscilla
    26.03.2019

    Reads like Fake news. I’m reading with reading this series. ‪Don’t let people lie to you. Relationships are nice especially when you’re dating someone who’s dating you. People who are not present loose good partners.‬

    5
    • Shiku
      26.03.2019

      Am I the only one who first paused the read to check out the IG of this Daktari and get an idea of who we’re talking about ?

      7
      • Gracie Kagwe
        27.03.2019

        I actually spent 10 minutes! just going through hi IG analysing wifey and all lol

        1
      • Gracie Kagwe
        27.03.2019

        I actually spent 10 minutes! just going through his IG analysing wifey and all lol

  • Mary Kay
    26.03.2019

    What kind of BS happy marriage story is this?? You could have done better

    4
  • Mwau
    26.03.2019

    First, those daddy jokes take time to sweep me….I like the Globe cinema ones – the type that the narrator ROFL before you realize it was a joke and then repeat the words like a memory verse – those ones.

    Now, it is not easy to comment about Dr. Kinoti’s decayed teeth after he replaced them. But all the same, it is inspiring to touch the veil of “what is meant to be will always be” in his life with Sophia.

    2
    • Risper
      10.04.2019

      Agree 100% Mwau. I am not sure if the good doctor has just covered his rotten teeth, or has truly replaced them. Only time will tell i guess. I wish them all the best though, but itabidi daktari awache bad manners.

  • Evelyn
    26.03.2019

    But really is this the best you could get for a happy marriage?

    3
  • VESTO MOSETI
    26.03.2019

    ”So just go home. Walk away.”

    1
  • Stella
    26.03.2019

    I had to go to his insta to put faces to the story

    2
    • Ngithi
      26.03.2019

      Was there too…Heeheee

  • Anne
    26.03.2019

    Read ‘Bedded bliss’ by Racheal Kramer Bussel. It’s a combination of different stories by different authors at different stages of their marriages. Disclsimer: it’s erotica

    2
  • churchill salmon
    26.03.2019

    I just don’t know why i’m happy about you throwing “yengs” somewhere in the line. I’m happy that the two doctors are happy, both of them know what they want now…happy life my people

    2
  • Eunice
    26.03.2019

    A hopeful read and brings out a reality in marriages.

    Could you get one that is all happy from start? i know they are rare to get because good things are never projected everywhere like the bad ones do, but there are many happy marriages…

    1
  • Wairimu
    26.03.2019

    He did not list Éric as one the friends that keep him in check. That one was just for helping him get away with being trash, aye ? Lol

    6
  • wakanya
    26.03.2019

    “That’s the thing with us men, we want to be the cock of the walk but when there is even a whiff that someone is giving our woman attention we get malaria and we want to die”

    i don’t know whether my game has gone down sana, but i think i should visit miss Nerima to reignite coital fire….. fire!!!!!

    2
  • kij
    26.03.2019

    This is a happy marriage according to Dr Kinoti. The rest of us, let us go and look for our happy …

    13
    • Kinoti
      26.03.2019

      thank you.

      2
      • mauryn
        27.03.2019

        Hi Doc, i like that you have replied to the comments. i love your story, it makes me believe in love.

      • ERYKK
        29.03.2019

        Biko your articles are like opium.. One’s day is not complete until the article is read..

  • alex
    26.03.2019

    awesome it’s like fairly tail

  • Miss A
    26.03.2019

    So let me get this straight… a man is non-committal to a woman because he wants to have his cake and eat it, marries her because she got pregnant and his dad told him to not be that guy who sires children all over (please note, not because he loved the woman, at least not then), cheats on her with the woman he had before marriage, then when he suspects that the wife is doing the same, he now realises he loves her and now they are in a happy marriage? I call it BS. This man needed a manipulator of sorts. He only “came to his senses” when he realized that she can get her own too. If she had not made that move, the story may have been different. Maybe he would be with the side babe.. the one he has been with before his wife got pregnant. There must be a reason as to why he kept going back to her. Either way, if this is the definition of happiness, then miss me with it. Why must a happy marriage be one where the woman has to tolerate a man’s infidelity? This is exactly what is wrong with marriages in Kenya.

    32
    • Wanjira
      26.03.2019

      Preach!!

      1
    • Shirley N
      29.03.2019

      yeah missA but he is also not the only one in the wrong.most women in kenya are ok with infidelity coz of socialization of blaming the other woman and wanting to maintain the status quo.be careful when a man compliments you as a good woman ,the amount of times he will cross the boundaries wacha tu.and he ”waking up” when he realized hiswife could give him the same medicine is sad .you recognize its sad coz your dealbreaker is cheating n you see the BS os a happy marriage comes at the exxpense of a woman being disrespected.but to eacch their own whether one can peep game or not.

      1
    • Kibet
      11.04.2019

      Miss A, you missed the point!

      Why do you people say ‘in Kenya’? You have been married elsewhere before? Marriages are sewed in a Country’s flag fabric? Why are countries thrown into comparative thresholds that have no correlation?

  • Wairimu
    26.03.2019

    Am sitting here waiting for “women & marriage”, hoping I’ll be the first interviewee to kill all your dreams of happily ever after!

    4
    • Phinah
      28.03.2019

      Whooaaaa

    • Kibet
      11.04.2019

      Because those women are married to Jesus, yeah? They are married to these men, to Kinoti, and their story is as good as his.

  • j
    26.03.2019

    I’ve never read a longer ad copy.. crap.

    4
  • Mariah
    26.03.2019

    i agree on women and marriage

    1
  • Alinah
    26.03.2019

    I have been waiting for this happy marriage like the downfall of Prophet Owuor, (SORRY) Lol. I just checked the comments section first to get a glimpse, let me go back to Abiko’s class and now read.

    2
    • Risper
      10.04.2019

      Hahahahahahahaha! This prohet though aki, haanguki jameni. Haishi….me n u both waiting for the imminent downfall.

      • Waithira
        12.04.2019

        Hi, Biko. You should do a piece on women and marriage. I think my marriage has gone through things that my friends still ask me why am still there…..

        1
  • DAISY
    26.03.2019

    I haven’t been getting an email notification for 2 weeks now. I actually thought there was no post last week.

  • Maureen
    26.03.2019

    I don’t get it most marriages have their ups and downs, there’s no marriage that is blissful from start to finish. Please stop bashing Biko and get real about life, it’s not Disney. Even in life the most successful people have failed numerous times and that’s why they’re successful.

    16
    • Alex
      26.03.2019

      Exactly, biko just writes them as they come and has no part on anyone’s marriage. Happiness is relative

    • Carol
      27.03.2019

      Thank you! Am reading some comments and wondering are some of these people even married?? What do they think a happy marriage is? Dates and romantic trips and laughter all the time? This aint Disney indeed.

      7
  • Annabell
    26.03.2019

    As I always say illicit is very sweet but once you realize it ,you will get over it but you need a good support system. Thanks to his wife he quitted the ” sweet illicit ” relationship.

    happy people, marriage Work don’t give up yet!!!!

    1
  • Naomi
    26.03.2019

    If I would have read in school the way I read Biko’s blog I would have been the doctor in this story. Ha ha.
    Nice read, you inspire my writing.

    4
  • Kuyah
    26.03.2019

    You do you, I will do me. When it gets to this point, it’s bad. It’s very bad. All bets are off. It’s open season. …an eye opener!

  • Squidmakomere
    26.03.2019

    Happiness is an inside job.. So they say.

    3
  • “He got sick. Literally. Like malaria sick. He had shivers and fever and his bones hurt. He couldn’t get out of bed. His heart hurt like hell. That’s the thing with us men, we want to be the cock of the walk but when there is even a whiff that someone is giving our woman attention we get malaria and we want to die. ”

    hahahaha ..this is so funny. Men are so weak it’s painful to watch.

    4
  • Beth beth
    26.03.2019

    Sounds happy,, the end of a thing is better

  • James
    26.03.2019

    NIce one my only question is why don’t I get the email notifications anymore?

    1
  • Beth
    26.03.2019

    I like this. No marriage is perfect…none! This is a man who was making really bad mistakes,realized he was making really bad mistakes and then changed-for the best!! I actually applaud his wife because if it were me,I would have walked on the first discovery and never came back. Marriage isn’t easy and it takes a lot sacrifices. I am not married,but if I was,I pray that I will have the strength to cope if something like this ever happened to me. I hope it doesn’t though…because I would murder a man!!

    3
    • Judy
      26.03.2019

      I absolutely love the story. It’s real, it’s inspiring, it’s authentic. If we could find a story of perfect marriage bliss from start to finish, the two super humans involved would not really inspire us. Because we, normal humans, are fallible every day of the week.

      I don’t mean that a marriage must go through the “hell” theirs went through for it to arrive at a place called “happy”… but this is their story!! This is how their happy marriage was arrived at!!

      To those criticizing this story, I’d like to ask, what’s in question here? Are you saying that they don’t have a happy marriage?

      I am not getting a notification on email…

      7
  • wanjirumk
    26.03.2019

    On their way to the after party, she sat in what he describes as a “deathly silence.” It’s a silence every man knows too well. It’s when you have done some bad shit and your woman sucks out every sound from the room and lets you sit in that deafening silence.

    I have a PHD in this ,try me….hehehehehhehehehehehe
    Nice read you can forgive and forgive and forgive and lasting solution ….Go home.

    3
  • Njuki
    26.03.2019

    I’m not looking forward to marriage if this is what a happy marriage is. He finally saw her value when he realised that she also had the ability to cheat or go out with another man.
    Nonetheless it was a good read, Biko. Didn’t sell me out on the whole happy-marriage idea but it was good.

    1
  • Agal
    26.03.2019

    I luv this marriage …[email protected] least Dr. Kinoti came to realise his wife’s worth.This world is full of temptations and it’s only take decision makings of how you want things to be.
    @ Biko nyc read.

  • Gracie Kagwe
    26.03.2019

    A beautiful and real story of a second, third chance given…this man got the vase message…drat!!! Not so many men would.

    2
  • wanjirumk
    26.03.2019

    Riu jorie atiriri ,what do you define as happy?

    Am a summit seeker and when climbing that mountain or hiking it’s never easy ,you can give up after 500m or 1 and half kilometer going up but you are encouraged that just a few meters and you will be done,but the sight when at the top? your guess is as good as mine .so when you have a different definition of happy,that’s one happy moment you will want to experience every weekend.

    Yaani mtaka cha mvunguni sharti ainame..
    No gain without pain-simple.

    2
  • Sharon
    26.03.2019

    i know a guy who used to constantly cheat on his girlfriend for 5 + years,then when the girl decided to step outside for once and he found out he got panic attacks and had the nerve to say that he did not know her anymore that she was not not a good person ..men cannot handle the same treatment they serve.

    6
    • Cathy Mbacha
      26.03.2019

      Kwanza the habitual cheaters, they cannot fathom.

      5
    • Green Morgan
      29.03.2019

      I am sad that I don’t get to visit this place as much but I am glad that everytime I am here I am glued.

  • Mr.Fix.
    26.03.2019

    “This meant that he was seeing her but he was also not seeing her. You know what I mean, gentlemen? They were going steady and then they were not. They were a couple and then they were free to see other people. Rather, he was. A game of musical chairs but one that involved hearts, not chairs,”……I know what you mean @ Biko!…

  • Teri
    26.03.2019

    The people still asking for a happy marriage story want a fairytale but there’s no such thing. Upheaval is not just a part of marriage but of life itself. It’s an opportunity to grow together. A happy marriage (or life) does not constitute the absence of pain and hurting. It’s a matter of whether you transcend these curveballs together. Some people can do it, but others never look inward or rectify their behavior. Others don’t put in the work but want the rewards of a finished product. and even if you do everything right, life isn’t fair and no one ever promised that it would be. Don’t get into marriage with wishful thinking. Go into it with your eyes open.

    14
  • Wacuka
    26.03.2019

    Reading this series feels like an extreme sport. I will be back when it’s concluded. #IKentEngage

    10
  • Kwamboka
    26.03.2019

    I kept checking my email notification for the new article the whole day in vain. I checked the blog out of desperation and lo and behold there it is. What gives? Why was it not dropped into my inbox as per kawa? Otherwise, great read. It is instructive to note a happy marriage takes work and a constant choosing.

    2
  • Miss Shirima
    26.03.2019

    Did not get my email notification today.

    • Tabbie Wachira
      27.03.2019

      A great on, it is possible to be happy in marriage. One thing I have learnt is to pray pray pray, forgive forgive forgive and accept accept he is the one for me. Not perfect but perfect for me…
      BTW marriage is not for selfish and self centered people just incase the two are not one and the same words.

      1
  • Nyagus Nyagus
    26.03.2019

    Nice a read here but maybe my definition of a happy marriage is different!! Or is it just the perfect imperfections as the WhatsApp message read?!!

  • Maureen Wanjiku
    26.03.2019

    Where do we draw the line?
    ‪Women put themselves through toxic relationships by ignoring all the early signs and warnings of fuckboy behavior. You all stick around because you’re comfortable and hope that the guy will change but in reality he’s not the guy for you.‬

    4
    • Tabbie Wachira
      27.03.2019

      A great on, it is possible to be happy in marriage. One thing I have learnt is to pray pray pray, forgive forgive forgive and accept accept he is the one for me. Not perfect but perfect for me…
      BTW marriage is not for selfish and self centered people just incase the two are not one and the same words.

      1
  • Kinoti
    26.03.2019

    These men called Kinoti.Are saving my world.a common name for us all.all the way from dci kinoti to the Dr Kinoti.hahaha.
    We can,at last,show our buttered side.not always tempers.like they always do.Meru people,we got some pride,to pride.

    3
  • Phannie AK
    26.03.2019

    Haha, I was hoping to read something flawless, a blameless story. Not a story about curves and lessons learnt and epiphanies etc etc. Biko umetucheza, there’s nothing new in this series. As advised above earlier, try women and marriage. We might get some real insights in them.

  • Wahito
    26.03.2019

    So many feelings from this article. I have been the side chic and sent that fb message in my younger days…I have also been the side chic and been mature enough to say nothing to the wives. Some things come with maturity as did this guys realisation that he loves his wife and could lose her and he stepped up. He’s happy now, let’s celebrate that

    3
  • Ma Arya
    26.03.2019

    This is a beautiful read. Everyone should read it!

    1
  • Denis
    26.03.2019

    Nothing could be more boring than reading directly from a script of the ‘perfect happy marriage’ which is anyway nonexistent. This is a story that also encompasses the bigger context in our country at the moment, the no. 1 cause of broken marriages is infidelity without a doubt. This is a story of how broken people can recollect the pieces and make something out of them.

    4
    • Tabbie Wachira
      27.03.2019

      A great on, it is possible to be happy in marriage. One thing I have learnt is to pray pray pray, forgive forgive forgive and accept accept he is the one for me. Not perfect but perfect for me…
      BTW marriage is not for selfish and self centered people just incase the two are not one and the same words.

      1
      • Rita
        28.03.2019

        @Tabbie “BTW marriage is not for selfish and self centered people just incase the two are not one and the same words.”
        On point, and you will find the selfish ones are the ones with failed marriages. They want to have their cake and eat it.

        4
  • abdullah omar
    27.03.2019

    mine landed on my lap.the cleavage distracted me and i extracted the wrong tooth.havent been able to dispose her ever since!

    4
  • Carol
    27.03.2019

    Nice read, I like the honesty Kinoti gave us. Now am curious to know why he cheated with the same ‘chile’ over and over again. Kinoti did you settle for your wife coz she got pregnant and marrying her was the noble thing to do? As a married woman going to the same woman you were with before we got married and after we did get married would hurt me to the core because it means its more than physical, there is an emotional connection. Not sure how I would forgive that but kudos to the wife. I guess she got over it by ‘getting it on’ with another guy. On another note I can tell from the comment section the people who are not married. They have this illusional picture of what a happy marriage is. Reality is before you get to that stage of appreciating each other, it will be messy, you will fight like crazy and get hurt, you will question whether you made the right choice or not. In this story their biggest challenge was the affairs. No human is perfect and if you can get past all this then you will stick yo each other. Otherwise you will jump from one person to another until you realize kila mtu akona kasoro.

    13
    • Rex
      28.03.2019

      men get comfortable and prefer familiarity.. once you are old.. fishing for new girls who get you isnt that easy…. i bet you God forbid if the Dr. wife was to pass away now.. we wouldn’t be surprised if he marries this ‘CHILE’

  • Vic
    27.03.2019

    I must be missing something here, coz I cant reconcile many of the comments with the story! Do we live so much in the past, and in the future as our minds imagine it, that we totally miss the joys of the present, the here and now? This is the only thing that can explain why so many have missed the happiness in this marriage. It’s not about what it was in the past, nor what it could be in the future! It’s all about enjoying what it is in the present.

    8
  • Mirrie
    27.03.2019

    Nice read
    What a come back!!

  • Phoebe
    27.03.2019

    It has normal pictures of a normal guy who could be anyone, even a surveyor. (Are surveyors on Instagram?)
    Biko tuko instagram, Facebook, pinterest, linked-in, snapchart…..
    We are the people posting photos of land and construction sites holding staffs, looking through theodolites and if you are lucky there is one in which we are holding The Chain

  • Nyambu
    27.03.2019

    Okey… maybe we don’t call it horse shit cause this story is hilarious..and well written but I must say I was also looking forward to the fairytale kinda stuff but oh well…

  • Kahway
    27.03.2019

    Its great that they found stability in their marriage when Dr. Kinoti came to his sense. But Biko, can we have one, just one, story of a happy marriage with no drama and cheating? Just one. I don’t believe that all married men cheat. Surely Biko do us this favor tafadhali

    1
    • Mercy
      27.03.2019

      This will be the day!

    • Faith K.
      29.03.2019

      Nothing should serve as an excuse for adultery. Sanctity of the marriage institution should be respected.

  • Rovina
    27.03.2019

    Looks like your readers were waiting for a fairy tale, they were not a ready for reality. I’d like to hear what a happy marriage means to them.

    2
  • Mercy
    27.03.2019

    Finally, a happy marriage. There’s hope people! there’s hope.!

  • Maureen
    27.03.2019

    It qualifies for happy marriage,,,,we are waiting to hear about a perfect one if at all it exists.

  • juliet
    27.03.2019

    Biko,, please give us a story of a man who is happily married to his wife whom he forgave twice for cheating not when they were dating but she cheated in marriage…and they are both reconciled, healed and living happily together and the man truly says he is happy. Please go to Timbuktu if you have to. We want to see the other side of the coin.

    6
  • Caroline
    27.03.2019

    Finally! something that doesn’t make me wanna pull my hair in the shower in despair.

    Having dated two REAL skirt chasers , I learnt one thing, if you don’t forgive and forget you will never progress in life. You just keep holding grudges and one day, a VERY bitter woman is all that will be left of you.

    Man! A good marriage sounds like so much work, even I was exhausted. Very happy that she decided to lose the vase LOL!

    2
  • Richard
    27.03.2019

    You cannot expect God to bless something that is based on a lie.

    4
    • wanjirumk
      27.03.2019

      But he can bless you once you own up and accept.

      1
  • Lucy
    27.03.2019

    Enjoyed the read.Its always uplifting to read /hear of a happy marriage irregardless of their journey. The people who want a happy flawless story..I do believe they exist but the people would not still believe it.

    Daktari ..keep at it .Marriage works

  • Torea
    27.03.2019

    Kinoti,,,we need to check your Facebook to see if that girl X has left other comments on your wall…she might have read Biko’s story.
    Am hoping girl X is settled as of now lest she fires shots here.

    1
  • Maureen
    27.03.2019

    Dr. kinoti clearly shows all married men out here that marriage works only if they put some work in it. You got to work on your marriage every day because none of us is perfect. And remember the grass ain’t greener on the other side, the grass is usually greener where it’s watered. Do take care of your woman, shower her with attention and invest in your marriage.
    A happy wife, a happy life

  • Mims
    27.03.2019

    I like the way Kinoti owned up his mistake.That was the first step towards happiness.
    And don’t y’all love the way he gets all jealous?haha
    I appreciate today’s read&to all those waiting for a perfect marriage,you might wait..wait…..till the hens come home to roost.

    1
  • Joel
    27.03.2019

    The relationships you develop plays a big role in determining your level of joy, and happiness. Choose wisely those you invite into your personal space. Marriage is not for everyone, don’t settle. #MenAndMarriage

    5
  • sadie
    27.03.2019

    Biko si you tell us story ya marriage yako,, sounds happier than this

  • quechi
    27.03.2019

    drops mike ……………..nice read .

  • Bee
    27.03.2019

    Truth is people don’t change…we are waiting for the real Kinoti to show up when circumstances allow

  • Sue
    27.03.2019

    great read as always

  • Kenn kayo
    27.03.2019

    I need to go home.

    1
  • Lynne
    27.03.2019

    I love hearing such testimonies of marriages that despite having gone through a rough patch , they have withstood the test of time.
    At some point I was like- that wife is too forgiving until it hit me that yes- marriage is about forgiving your spouse a countless times and forging ahead.And yes- women are like flowers, give them the attention required and they will blossom.

    • Faith K.
      29.03.2019

      Nothing should serve as an excuse for adultery. Sanctity of the marriage institution should be respected.

      • Julie
        18.04.2019

        Just because you keep repeating it does not make it so! Human beings will always make mistakes like giving in to temptation. This is innately human because we are all sinners by our very nature, wether by thought , word or deed .

  • Juddie
    27.03.2019

    Its Opiyo:) Check on Instagram

  • Dorothy Ndagwa
    27.03.2019

    “We talk about marriage some more. I’m now tipsy so I show him a Whatsapp message Julius, my bro, had written to me this one time I had asked him how he keeps the fire in his marriage alive. He wrote, “ …by accepting your partner for who she is and not who she should be or who she could be…” Kinoti nods and says, “That’s true.” “…the latter one is a big problem that keeps recurring because then you keep wanting to model them on your own ideals. You have to accept that your wife is not perfect, that you are not perfect and that there is always something we will miss which can be found in someone else. Acceptance is the key word here. Accept. Accept. Accept. Otherwise marriage is an eternal fire that sometimes flickers or burns but one that must be closely monitored like the life support machines at ICU.”

    Kinoti says, “He is right.”

    1
  • Peter Bett
    28.03.2019

    The did not please some as the comments above suggests. All of us have ever been on the wrong. We are happy because somebody somewhere gave us a second chance. Marital institution isn’t exceptional.

    1
  • Beatrice
    28.03.2019

    Yes there are happy marriages

  • TheLOOP
    28.03.2019

    A good number of us are so high on our own supply.
    I used to think I’d be the best husband ever, until I married. I used to think I’d be the best father ever, until the kids came. Before I got the job I told myself I’ll be the best employee ever. Now I am not so sure about anything anymore.

    Ahab then answered, “Benhadad, don’t brag before the fighting even begins. Wait and see if you live through it.” 1 Kings 20:11, Contemporary English Version

    7
  • Nyagus nyagus
    28.03.2019

    Doctor happy?? .Ama is that just how a happy marriage can get? Nice a read though.

  • Nyagus nyagus
    28.03.2019

    Doctor happy?? .Ama is that just where a happy marriage can get? Nice a read though.

  • Tired of Cliche stories
    28.03.2019

    sounds like the lyrics of R Kelly to me.. ‘when a woman loves’.. men always loving women for forgiving them, overlooking their past etc etc.. forgiving them for cheating.. always loving the ones who stays with them through their shit.. i am yet to read anything of a good marriage where a man doesn’t put a woman through shit.. (because of course she will stick with you and forgive you- thats what we do as women in love. Any other woman could’ve done the same).. its not rocket science. Men just like to claim some fight to everything,. how he fought for his marriage.. lol… you started the BS.. you ended it.
    same story line of everyone’s marriage anyway– he cheats you forgive him.. great marriage. thats how it is,

    1
  • Kajuju
    28.03.2019

    I don’t think people can or get to decide what a happy marriage is for others. Only the married couple knows whether their marriage is happy or not. Clearly, the picture you paint of a happy marriage isn’t what someone else views as happy.

  • Nick Not Nice
    28.03.2019

    “How is your sex life?” [Like I said, I’m tipsy. I need to go home.]

    Haha… you sure need go home.

    And wait, that wit you carry along (the forehead) is gon knock me out some day. You assure of a smile every Tuesday. Plus what good comes with Tuesdays but Biko?

  • Ythera
    28.03.2019

    I didn’t get a notification.

  • Steve
    28.03.2019

    “How do you now remain faithful? How do you make sure you don’t slip?”

    “The easiest way to remain faithful is to go home,” he says. “Just go home.

    How about just doing the right thing???? *Rolls eyes*

    7
  • Carolyne
    28.03.2019

    I so love this story

  • Trudy
    28.03.2019

    This story is so real…especially because I snooped and dug…..and saw the faces behind the names in the story!!!!

  • Mathew Kithioma
    28.03.2019

    Great

  • wordsmith254
    28.03.2019

    Where do i get a man like this? The current him not Mr. Selfish. I always say I’d never forgive a man who cheated on me even once.
    ….weeel…this got me rethinking.
    Oh and if you like Biko’s stories maybe you’ll like mine too http://www.thedefiant.co.ke

  • Regina
    28.03.2019

    A really real and good read. I’ma keep it here!

  • Macy
    28.03.2019

    Wow! I want this..

    1
  • KimKama
    28.03.2019

    Nice read…As a married man I am going through the same turmoil a result of the previous me.It’s tough living with the mess you created but I realized just as Doc did that I have to invest in her…Time-wise,emotionally and financially it’s a sacrifice that I swore before God to uphold so when I failed,I had to seek forgiveness from the victim but have to live with the consequences.Remember it is easy to forgive than forget as the victim.As the wrong doer,it hurts deeply living with the consequences such as diminished trust,lack of intimacy from the other and so on.
    So advise to the prospects and newly weds,sacrifice YOU for the other in all aspects and you’ll live happily in that home.

    2
  • Simpson
    28.03.2019

    Wow!! This an awesome read, ata sijachake hizo jokes coz nilikiua natake notes. Like a bicycle, marriage is for two….the third ni ‘wakucuherera’

    2
  • Margaret
    28.03.2019

    @wilma go read the people daily it suits you!!! or go to the dentist for checkup maybe you got plaque that’s making you not understand what happiness means!!

  • BerinaBerrry
    28.03.2019

    I wrote a romantic story with a happy ending, because I am in a very good marriage with a very gentleman. Some people called it fake and said men like that do not exist, but they do.

    The last part of the story, there are couples who live like that, but most people find comfort in believing true love does not exist, but I know it does.

    I love this.

    • Judith
      10.04.2019

      Men like that exist and I know that for a fact, same as true love.

  • Ocampo
    29.03.2019

    The best about this story is the fact that Kinoti owns up to his mistakes, and does not think that the wife is the problem and the cause of his cheating. Its TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

    • Dee
      29.03.2019

      Great read!It takes a real man to admit to mistakes and make amends.I’m happy that you guys found your balance.Marriage is hard work and its exciting to realize that there are men who honestly work towards making their marriages better.More often that not,this is a role that has time and again been relegated to women.
      She must be one happy mama!Keep the fire burning.

  • David Mwenda
    29.03.2019

    when u stop writing (please dont) lets make sure u get a job as a royal announcer or something in short unapenda announcements sana

  • Kimathi
    29.03.2019

    Kinoti is a great example and proof that marriage works. We wish you the best!

  • Rhodah
    29.03.2019

    If you find yourself in a situation that you are not proud of, walk away. There will always be somebody better in a different way, no one has it all. Marriages are failing because of lust. Love yourself first, and remember you are a gem, so is your partner.

    1
  • Mariah
    01.04.2019

    The new religion is Karma !! Life is a mirror.

    1
  • Capitana
    01.04.2019

    Went and looked him up before I read the story. I wasn’t about to pass up the rare opportunity of reading a story with a face to go with it.

  • Cess Ndwiga
    04.04.2019

    Please share boss lady blog… still cant load

  • done
    04.04.2019

    Biko, dentist, jokes, affair, sex therapist and not a single “open wide”

    1
  • Mungai
    04.04.2019

    What does she do for him to call it a happy marriage ?

  • Nikona Madrinks Na Mayengs
    04.04.2019

    Kinoti has good money. With such kind you can be forgiven for murder leave alone cheating.

  • chelliebonita
    04.04.2019

    Wow, this was beautiful. So many nuggets to glean from. What an amazing lesson. Thanks for sharing.

  • Redempta
    05.04.2019

    Finally one with a good ending. Happy to be back here.

  • Sonnie
    05.04.2019

    Aye

  • ptangus
    05.04.2019

    Miss Nerima???

  • Gingermay
    05.04.2019

    This story is gold!
    My heart is happy!
    I mean it hit all the right spots,
    Trying to choose my favorite phrase but i’m spoilt for choice,
    Cause right here is poetry not just words.
    (Background playing Right back-Khalid)

  • Gideon Crop
    08.04.2019

    Thank you for this. Found it interesting and informative.

  • Shaz
    08.04.2019

    My understanding of a happy marriage must be clouded .So if all bets weren’t off with the wife, he would probably continue cheating on his wife… I think if you haven’t learnt contentment you’ll be chasing waterfalls, it doesn’t have to be a situation of “you don’t know what you have until its gone”.

    1
  • Risper
    10.04.2019

    This is the very real story of the states of marriages in KE unfortunately, and the reason is most guys get married for the wrong reasons or due to circumstances, that force them to cohabit. This right here is the result.
    What i love about the Kinoti’s is that they have made a choice to work on their marriage, through all the tough times, they have found their own happiness. So this is a Happy marriage alright, but it took work, tears, disappointments, betrayals….the works.
    Mrs. Kinoti, Kudos….mimi hii kikombe yako, i am 100% sure siwezani aki. Mr. Kinoti, i truly hope you have changed your ways. Congrats you both.

  • Emma
    16.04.2019

    I love this doctor already. I wish all men would work on their marriages like him.
    Great read.

  • Emmanuel Taracha
    17.04.2019

    “Just Go Home” could’ve been a befitting title for this mind opening piece. Thanks Mr. Forehead

  • Rehema Zuberi
    19.04.2019

    Happiness is what you make it to be as is marriage. If these two were patient enough to get through their hurdles then good for them. That’s their happy. We all need certain tribulations to find our own kind which is why our stories vary making life beautiful.

    https://reshonlineblog.wordpress.com/2019/04/11/single-as-a-pringle/

  • Principessa
    03.05.2019

    This is some solid advise…thanks so much for sharing…its important for people to have faith in the institution of marriage

  • tee
    05.05.2019

    as i read i kept wondering could this be Kinoti the one Kinoti i know and huh yes it is and omg men and lies.Kinoti was with far many women philandering.I have hang with him and his friends way too long and he had a thing with my friend.Nick too is a cheat.eeeerh men and lies. smh

  • Tee
    18.05.2019

    what a story! marriage works

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