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Growing up

Sometimes I run into a male reader who says, “Your fatherhood pieces sometimes makes me wish I was a father. You must be good at it.” I’m not. Truth is, there are many fathers I know who I admire who are fully engaged and seem more involved. I have a short attention span. Get bored easily with playing on the carpet and making faces. A child’s cries drive me nuts. But fatherhood is great, it’s nice to see them turn into real people with personalities plus you have this opportunity to make their lives positive or completely fuck them up then they will turn into those damaged guys who are haunted the demons of their childhood.

But children grow. Quickly. Kim is walking now. He climbs. He breaks. He snatches. He runs. He bites. He pulls and tugs and toots. He’s a handful but he remains a smiling boy, always joyful – like the mom. His face is forming out. Everybody thinks he looks like me. I agree.

He’s teething which means he spends most days drooling all over the place; on your shoulder. And on your phone. And on the seats. And on the floor. And in his food. There is nothing I will touch in that house that doesn’t have his drool, like he’s marking his territory. He can “high-five.” Wave goodbye. He sits when you tell him to sit. He loves mangoes. Can eat two in one sitting. I kiss him on the lips, they are soft and babyish. Before he turns two I will have to stop and start kissing him on the cheek, then I will have to stop that as well and start kissing him on the forehead like the Godfather.

When he’s being changed (I never change diapers, never been that guy) he gets a hard-on. And I think the greatest pride of a man with a little toddler boy is when you sit there and you see your son get a hard-on. It’s inexplicable. An affirmation. It just fills you with pride. I think if a doctor pulled me aside and told me, “Biko, your son seems to be getting a problem getting erections,” I think I would be deeply distraught. I think I would walk around feeling that it could be my fault somehow. I would blame myself. I would be convinced that his inability to erect is my own personal limitation. Hell, I might even lose mine all together because what’s the point of having an erection if your own son, your blood, is born unable to have an erection. How can you sit there having a burger when your son can’t have an erection? So Kim having an erection every time he’s being changed makes me feel very proud if you want to know the truth. So proud that you want to tell the guy at the bar counter – the one waiting for his late date – that your boy gets a hard-on while being changed.

“This boy of yours, is he joining you for a drink?” the guy will ask sarcastically.

Tamms on the other hand isn’t the girl she was last year. Scary how fast girls grow. At seven her limbs are longer now, she stands taller than girls and boys her age. Her skin is golden brown and so smooth -like it’s been roasted over a kiln. You can also tell she will be that girl with an ass; the hallmarks are there when she is in those small shorts that she likes.

She is fast becoming a woman and it’s terrifying. One day she will spend loads of time locked in her bedroom, which you have to knock and wait to be told to enter. She will keep secrets under her chest and breasts on her chest. I’m not looking forward to that, when I become an outsider and I suddenly don’t “understand”. But mostly I dread the boys. When boys shows up at home and act like they were well raised and respectfully and we all know they are horny goats. I will douse their skinny asses with petrol and they will run out burning and screaming and Tamms screaming at me, “YOU ARE NUTS, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M RELATED TO YOU!” and I will laugh maniacally at the little eejit burning like a dry wood. Die byaaaaach!

For now she is my baby. And nobody is burning anyone. What has happened to her since I wrote about her here is that she has become smarter and more curious.

I moved her to a different school for her class 2, because the former school wasn’t working on her confidence fast enough. So this new development means that when I drop her off in the morning we have a longer drive together, maybe about 40mins, depending on traffic. And Tamm’s temperament is like mine; mostly I’m a quiet person. The conversations I have are mostly in my head in a language that isn’t known to man. Maybe a few animals.

So sometimes Tamms will jump into the car and say nothing the whole ride out. Sometimes she will talk. It’s the whole moods thing. Sometimes she wants to talk and I don’t want to talk but I have to talk. Sometimes I want to talk and she doesn’t want to talk, so I don’t talk. And when she doesn’t want to talk, she just sits there ignoring me completely even if I attempt to rub her knees playfully and ask, “A penny for your thoughts?” and she doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t need a penny. A penny for what?

Some mornings she just messes around the house while she is supposed to be dressing up and it irritates the hell out of me because I’m a stickler for time and sometimes I will say angrily, “Tamms, just waste time but you know that at 7:00 sharp if you aren’t ready I’m out and today will be the day you take a matatu to school!” And sure enough at 7-sharp I’m grabbing my car keys and I’m out the house and I can hear her telling the mom panicky, “Mom please tell papa not to leave me?” and she is telling her, “Of course he won’t!” and I want to shout back, “You want to bet?” and I can hear her asking the help where her school diary is and then from the car that is now idling, I can hear her dragging her school bag down the staircase (nowadays they carry these bags with wheels, you’d imagine they are catching a flight to Amsterdam at 0800hrs) and jumping into the car as the gear is in reverse.

Those mornings the car is a bit tense and not many words are exchanged but she will try to talk to me and I will turn and ask her, “Tamms did you brush your teeth?” and she will say sheepishly, “No, does it smell?” and to answer her I will slowly roll down my window.

The whole of this term she has asked about the universe almost every other day.  We could be driving down in blissful silence then straight out of the blues she says.

Papa, why do the clouds make shapes like that?

What shapes, darling? 

Like those shapes. 

Uhm, well…because clouds keep moving and sometime…uhm, when they move, er, they make shapes. (Genius).

When they move, where do they go?

To Australia. 

Is Australia far?

Yes, quite. 

You go with an aeroplane?

Yes. 

[Silence]

And how come aeroplanes don’t touch the clouds?

Because clouds are not like touchable. You can’t touch them.

She will then ask me a lot of questions about clouds and I will be clueless, then when I finally drop her off with relief, I will spend time in traffic Googling about clouds, ready for the next day’s interrogation. Only the next day she won’t ask about clouds. She will ask about the bloody sun!

And I take responsibility here because in order to show off I told her that old folklore about the sun, the wind and that guy in a coat. Please don’t tell your kids this story, it’s a trap.

Papa, between the sun and moon, which one is stronger?

Who is stronger.

Yes, who is stronger?

The sun. 

Are they friends? 

They used to be, but then one day the sun stole the moon’s thunder. 

Here I will smile hard, very proud of that wasted wordplay.

When the sun goes down where does it go? [OK, moving on swiftly huh?]

It goes to rest. 

How does the sun know where it’s going to set?

It has GPS. 

What is a GPS?

It’s like its heart that tells and shows it the way to where it sets. 

It has a home? 

You could call it that, yes. 

So how come then that it goes to that side in the evening but in the morning it comes up that side?

Now do you know that expression “deer caught in headlights?” That’s me at that moment. So I fumble and mumble about the earth being round and the sun going around and it comes out from the East.

So it doesn’t have a home?!

It…uhm, yeah, sort of….yeah… It hates to be in a home. 

Does the sun have eyes and a mouth?

No! Of course not!

But how come when teacher draws the sun it has eyes and mouth and it’s smiling? 

OK, this is a plea to all teachers out there reading this. How do I put this delicately? Will you please stop drawing the bloody sun with mouth and eyes? Do you mind? You are discrediting me here.

Then the other day she asks about the stars. And if the stars move; if the stars and the sun are friends and who is stronger and if they are all brothers and sisters. Once she asked me if the sun is a boy or a girl? I swear, I can’t make this stuff up. And I wondered; should I say it’s a boy and risk making her feel like being a girl is weak or should I tell her the sun is a girl because that might empower her? So I said it’s a girl. So she said then the moon must be a boy and I didn’t like where that line of questioning was headed so I changed the topic.

Girls mature so fast its scary. Her favourite program is called the Thundermans on Nickelodeon – 305. It’s this family with super powers where one has laser eyes that can lift stuff and another sijui can freeze things with her breath – which is a power Tamms also possesses when she forgets to brush her teeth.

Anyway, without sounding like a Lou (ahem!) we have this Explora decoder, which for the longest time I just thought its only function was to pause news and rewind stuff and Catch Up function which saves all these new programs and movies that you might have missed. But then after months I realized that she — at 7 — had figured this gadget out and made a trillion recordings of this Thundermans thing. (Wahome of Multichoice, if you are reading this, surely you guys should write me a cheque boss for these mentions. No? I pass by your office later this week we talk?)

Oh and since we are on this topic, Wahome, very quickly here is feedback about the Explora if you need it. It’s brilliant. I mostly love Catch Up and the Box-Office but can someone at Multichoice please give us like new kick-ass movies to rent on the Explora more frequently? I watched the Equalizer off it — that egoistic movie where Denzel kills everybody in the movie in 19 seconds? — but my movie guy is faster on the punch. Gives me latest movies before the credits end. He’s eating your lunch. So either you send some muscle from SA to visit his shop for a “chat” or you start uploading fresh movies frequently. (So, how does your Friday morning in your office look Wahome?).

To fathers in waiting, it’s not rocket science. And don’t wait until you are “financially stable” (whatever bull that is) because kids will make you financially stable. Somehow.

Ps.

For the third year running I have been nominated for the Bloggers Association Of Kenya Awards in the Creative Writing Category. Humbling. But listen, surely what is this, KANU in 1985? This year I would love nothing better than if you – the Gang – voted for one of the guys in this category instead who are all my pals. There is www.crazynairobian.com, who during my first nomination, a newbie, was gracious enough to call me and say “Boss, this year I won’t campaign, so take it!” then  www.magunga.com who blogs more than all of us put together, www.mydeardoris.com who I hope gets left altogether by Doris if he insists on rocking his kitenge bowties and www.thewordedveil.wordpress.com who writes well but should get off wordpress. All are excellent in their own way. Throw your weight behind one of them this year. I will.

Oh and don’t forget my good friend www.chanyado.wordpress.com in the Best New Blog category.

109 Responses
  • Lydia
    10.03.2015

    Hahahahaha! Tamms will be the death of you. No?

  • mama c
    10.03.2015

    Biko, what about your other “son” Joe Black”? Did you think we had forgotten that he’s results were out last week?

    • Trish
      10.03.2015

      Oh yeah, Joe black. how did it go with his exam and all

      • bikozulu
        10.03.2015

        He has written something, will post it next week. Or Friday this week.

        • mukami
          10.03.2015

          Thanks!! Cannt wait!

        • Akeyo
          13.03.2015

          can’t wait!

        • Blessed
          23.03.2015

          Wewe Biko…where is this post?

        • JIPS KAMAU
          01.10.2015

          Am not jealous on you coz you are a loving dad to KIM,(Baba Caleb is my other name), am disturbed coz you were blessed with an awesome childhood. Both thumbs up to your Daddy, salute to you Sir, you are inspiring!!

    • Eric
      10.03.2015

      Nice question that one! haha. Asked him about the same, cant remember the answer!

  • Sophie
    10.03.2015

    ‘When boys shows up at home and act like they were well raised and respectfully and we all know they are horny goats’…Love it. I dread the boys too. Tamms reminds me of when my son asked how the avocados managed to climb that high on the tree. I know who I am voting for….

  • Shaz
    10.03.2015

    The conversations I have are mostly in my head in a language that isn’t known to man. Maybe a few animals……Sometimes I experience those moments too.

    On the ‘Ps’ above, it communicates to me the kind of person you are. Totally impressed.
    #Selfless

  • Eve
    10.03.2015

    Biko you have once again brightened my otherwise dull morning……

  • Vikki
    10.03.2015

    Truly hilarious. Cant wait for the next read. What we parents go through told in the funniest way possible..

  • Biko you’re noble. Good thing you told us to vote for the others because I wasn’t going to vote for you this year. In fact, I was dreading coming here and finding this post is about us voting for you. We have indeed grown up. 🙂

    • bikozulu
      10.03.2015

      Hahahaha. You are funny.

  • abuamirah
    10.03.2015

    Great post as always. Kids are awesome, am not yet a father but i hope to be soon. I’m married though, so that is huge step in the right direction i believe! I hope my first will be a daughter whom i will proudly name after my mother. am scared i just might spoil her rotten!!

  • CIku
    10.03.2015

    My 6yr-old once told guards at a security check that they should ask me where terrorists are hiding since ‘mummies know everything’ – [my standard answer to her endless strings of why? “Mom, why it that Lorry green?” SMH]

    For broadcasting his abilities – some day Kim will thank you [or blame you for his daddy issues 😉 ]

  • balloc (@wegedheng)
    10.03.2015

    All I can say is that fatherhood is both herculean and an uphill task. On the blogs vote I have this to say, let reason prevail” As usual Biko the reading was so insightful I was not disappointed.

  • Abiud Khimani
    10.03.2015

    Haha I like Kim’s attitude,you see I am Kim too. We just like that. We make our dads proud,have them drink in bars with flourish attitude of my son is getting a hard on.

  • imona may et
    10.03.2015

    To fathers in waiting, it’s not rocket science. And don’t wait until you are “financially stable” (whatever bull that is) because kids will make you financially stable. Somehow… tell them Biko, some think children are made on bank notes sewn to make a matress

    • size 10
      12.03.2015

      preach!

  • thewizardhumour
    10.03.2015

    Wishing that someone else wins is good. Nevertheless, I sincerely believe that ‘bowing out’ goes against the whole idea of the award. It is about awarding the best in Kenyan blogosphere, not necessarily having a winner with a different name. All the nominated blogs are great in their own way and I believe readers should be allowed to express their will. Let the best win. That is how you tell the guy bringing up the rear to work harder. That is how you improve creativity.

    • Regi
      10.03.2015

      Hapo sasa. You have said it.

    • Wambui
      11.03.2015

      I totally agree. Let the best blog win! Even if it’s you, Biko for the 9th time, then so be it.

    • Meg
      20.01.2016

      Seriously searching for a like button lol .

  • baba alvin
    10.03.2015

    Yes biko …about Joe Black?

  • George Owiso
    10.03.2015

    “But mostly I dread the boys. When boys shows up at home and act like they were well raised and respectfully and we all know they are horny goats. I will douse their skinny asses with petrol and they will run out burning and screaming and Tamms screaming at me…” Biko how things come around!!! We now know how those parents felt each time we showed up to “study’ with their daughters. I have a 6 year old and I need a gun!!

  • Nyambura Gathumbi
    10.03.2015

    I noticed two grammatical errors on the first paragraph…#cantreadmore….

    • Renee
      10.03.2015

      *in the first paragraph.

      Noticed them too, but #cantreadmore really? Is life this serious?

      http://www.renee.co.ke

    • Murage James
      10.03.2015

      You should have read the dictionary instead

      • Esther
        11.03.2015

        Haha, really? I can’t stop laughing at this comment, not nice but funny

      • Manda Rekrut
        11.03.2015

        Haha James, there should be a like button for your comment

        • Mukami
          12.03.2015

          Lol Nyambura! Kettle calls pot black…

      • Wanjiru
        11.03.2015

        I swear I’m looking for a like button for this response hahaa

      • Kathesya
        11.03.2015

        Hahaha some people take life too seriously

        • Naishorua
          28.05.2015

          Yeah..and they are nothing close to perfection themselves poh!

      • Wilson Kamau
        20.01.2016

        Nyambura Gathumbi, the world would be so boring without people like you. The comments just made my evening…hahaa

    • John
      11.03.2015

      I noticed 3, but still read to the end…. its a great piece…as James says, u should have read the dictionary instead.

    • Whispers of a whiskey drinker
      16.03.2015

      someone needs to get laid..then come back and read some more

    • Naishorua
      28.05.2015

      Lol..Because of two grammatical errors? Go miss perfect

  • Regi
    10.03.2015

    This year I would love nothing better than if you – the Gang – voted for one of the guys in this category instead who are all my pals…. Ahem! yours is the only blog I read soooo……

  • Tom Osanjo
    10.03.2015

    Yes Biko. Pin Joe Black’s results up here. Not that it matters a lot but we all rooted and prayed for the young man

  • Ms Kageni
    10.03.2015

    I’m third to comment. Yeah!!!
    I have so many things to say and it’ll take a day to be done.
    so I’ll summarize. Biko. Good stuff. Would give plenty just to live in your mind.
    I’ll vote as you requested, but I hope you win.
    Teaching young minds, awesome of you.

  • Anny
    10.03.2015

    Amazing as always. You make fatherhood sound so easy.

  • Cindy
    10.03.2015

    Articulate!i loved it.

  • Renee
    10.03.2015

    From a 7-year-old-girl parent to another, I know what you mean.
    Good thing you’re stepping aside for the other nominees because I am putting my weight behind Magunga. I think he really deserves this. Not that you don’t. Hii si KANU?

    http://www.renee.co.ke

    • Magunga
      10.03.2015

      Thank you Renee

      • Everline
        21.03.2015

        Voted for you Magunga. I wish you all the best, you deserve it

  • Josaya
    10.03.2015

    Biko, these little girls are having secret meetings. The little shorts and endless questions, which are really trick questions.

  • @kibett
    10.03.2015

    Joe Black, what did he get? In English?

  • Ian Muiri
    10.03.2015

    You do have a point though we cannot still carry on the mindset of 19-oh-KANU
    On fatherhood I will tell you one thing, you do make some of us a tad green with envy!!
    Great read!!!

  • Sheilla
    10.03.2015

    oops already voted for you!Best of luck to the rest

  • Jenni
    10.03.2015

    Awesome read! Fatherhood 101!

  • Wangui Ngugi
    10.03.2015

    Wait until that boy of your starts wiping off your kisses………………………..a good read, and you are a very humble man, I will scout the blogs you pointed out….

  • Martha Wambui
    10.03.2015

    Great read

  • the day tams keeps her breasts on her chest and kim loses his virginity to the maid and u
    giving up nomination for the blogger award not because anything has been poured but to give your pals a chance to win I will dance naked in the streets of Nairobi as my gratitude for your release from haughtiness ama?

  • abdullah omar
    10.03.2015

    the day tammy keeps her breasts in her chest and kim loses his virginty to the maid and u giving up nomination for the blogger award not because anything has been poured but to give your pals a chance i will dance naked inthe streets of nairobi asmy gratitude for your release from haughtiness

  • luseka socrates
    10.03.2015

    So Tamms moved school? I bet working on confidence wasn’t the only motivation to you , but the fear of ‘Ian’ as well. He had grown too and soon….

    https://lusekasocrates.wordpress.com/

  • Winnie Kenneth
    10.03.2015

    Beautiful… Biko your way with words is simply amazing!!!

  • patrick karanja
    10.03.2015

    Not a father yet, I cannot wait to be one

  • Magunga
    10.03.2015

    You have no idea how terrifying it is to be nominated in your category; especially since your writing gave mine legs.

    As for your fatherhood pieces, you make parenting sound like it’s a riot.

    P.S. I blog a lot because I am practically jobless. When start getting media gigs, I will inevitably slow down.

    • Wanjiru
      11.03.2015

      You sound interesting…I’ll definitely check you out

    • Atieno Kwame
      21.03.2015

      I do hope you win and shine. You come across as a nice guy and having had this chance to read your posts I will continue reading you. Your humilty is what will make you go far, keep it that way Magunga and your work will not have an expiration date to it.

      • Simon Guchu
        22.03.2015

        I echo your sentiments Atieno Kwame. He is of a different breed and hope he does not disappear into oblivion. Great future ahead of you Magunga.

  • MJ
    10.03.2015

    good read as always.As for BAKE nominations,that’s lovely of you.Cant wait for Joe Black’s post.I wish all the nominees the very best this year

  • Pen Ninah
    10.03.2015

    “But how come when teacher draws the sun it has eyes and mouth and it’s smiling?” Come to think of it, how did this idea of a smiling sun even start?

  • Anne
    10.03.2015

    I’m sorry but I still voted for you. :-/

  • Lydia M.
    10.03.2015

    I usually feel so good after reading your work……I just do!! I think I dream of what could have been if I chose the road less travelled!

  • Naomi John
    10.03.2015

    Every time you write about Tamms I can’t help but fall in love with her more and more! She sounds like my dream daughter. Kids with ‘deep’ questions have always fascinated me. They are bright. Tamms will be one bright lady.

  • Kadonye
    10.03.2015

    ‘Who is stronger?’ Woi I did not know it’s said like that. What shame, your 7yr old speaks better English than I (than me? Ask her for me) Then again my school did not ‘develop my confidence’

  • aguacamina
    11.03.2015

    You make my night shift go by so quickly. Love you, am looking forward to being a parent to kiss my children if nothing else.

  • Henry Henry
    11.03.2015

    I also want to have a child..a daughter but yes, I also have to be stable first. Taking care of a child is no child’s play….. Great read as always though.

  • nasaye
    11.03.2015

    Wow! I want a child! Nice read.

  • Tracy
    11.03.2015

    Biko when Tamms Knows how to manouvre the web you might have to take down your blogs of her. You will not be friends, let alone the “I cant believe I am related to you” Kim is just the cutest. You just might be the reason people in here become parents this year.

    http://mytinytwocents.blogspot.com/

  • Kate
    11.03.2015

    No need to tell us to vote for the others Biko…its inevitable our tastes will change and eventually many of us will move on and want to “hear” a different voice…But since you asked soooo nicely. FINE….I believe we should give this year to Maguga..I have read a few of his blogs and loved them.Plus he has just mentioned he is jobless…Woishe!…Now We really have to vote for you Will!!!!….But you deserve it ..someone has to give Biko a run for his errrr… money

  • Biko again you have made my morning. Kudos

  • feli
    11.03.2015

    Hi,Biko I have been thinking of adopting a child since I turned 28 …finances have always been my biggest worry.Think will gather the courage I like what you said about that money bit,i am encouraged.

    • bikozulu
      11.03.2015

      Do it. Do it today.

    • Regina
      15.03.2015

      @Feli, it warms my heart when I hear you say you would like to adopt a baby. Adoption is a calling, you’ll be at God’s service for life. Adoption is beyond bloodline which is why only a few can do it successfully. I have seen many people do it and very few achieve what God has planned with the journey. Have a look at the website and visit the offices and begin the process.
      http://www.childwelfarekenya.org

  • Lilian
    11.03.2015

    OK, this is a plea to all teachers out there reading this. How do I put this delicately? Will you please stop drawing the bloody sun with mouth and eyes? Do you mind? You are discrediting me here…..Lol

  • kiruriangela
    11.03.2015

    Day made,as always! Hope one day(far away) my writing gets to this level.

  • I think as an African father you really have very little to mirror from. Especially since our dads were staunch snobs back when we were growing up and the only time you got to talk was when you needed something for school and even then they would send you aggressively to your mom as though you ate someone’s kid. The only time you got to really talk with your dad was when you had done some wrong and even then you mostly talked with the belt. So it’s refreshing to see an African father
    interacting with his kids on a personal level.

  • jull
    11.03.2015

    I am a teacher who will not stop drawing the smiley sun, moon and stars..so look for better answers for Tamms!(hihihi)..A good read as usual..kudos!

  • Ngami
    11.03.2015

    I can’t wait to be a Parent. The joys are something to look forward to.. 🙂 Good read as always.

  • laura
    11.03.2015

    You always make my day worthwhile.

  • ISAAC KERICH
    11.03.2015

    “I moved her to a different school for her class 2, because the former school wasn’t working on her confidence fast enough.”

    Good fathers watch how their kids perform in all spheres of life. Deny not, you are on the right track. Kudos . Love your story.

  • Willis Osano
    11.03.2015

    “like deer caught in headlights, petrified into inaction….” hahaha, nice one

  • nimo
    12.03.2015

    To fathers in waiting, it’s not rocket science. And don’t wait until you are “financially stable” (whatever bull that is) because kids will make you financially stable. Somehow.- So true

  • Jemimah Maticha
    12.03.2015

    Nice..as always

  • KALUKI WA KYALO
    12.03.2015

    I hope one day I shall get the courage to exploit my interest in writing and it shall all be thanks to people like you Biko and Magunga…..you give me a reason to do it!

  • Betty
    12.03.2015

    Thanks Biko, I get so excited when I see there is a new piece

  • Hedwig Taiy
    13.03.2015

    Proofread this bloody thing, will ya?!

    • Ivy Kamau
      13.03.2015

      I held back for a few and decided to go ahead and just ask as feedback; is it just me and my pals who think that this blog is losing popularity? It has become unsurprising.

  • Sura_Mbaya
    14.03.2015

    From The stories that live within us to Everything is a story….. Nice read Biko.

  • AmazingFelix
    16.03.2015

    always mentored by your writing.

  • I think kids are the most creative humans. Your’s sounds like an interesting ride. Enjoy fatherhood. And about your PS, it is a very honorable thing to do, exposing your fan base to other bloggers and giving them a chance too. Way to go Biko. Now i need to read them more to see what i have been missing. But i truly hope you win the award again.

  • eunice
    17.03.2015

    Good read as always Biko!Thank you!

  • minitheshygal
    18.03.2015

    Good read…………. would love to hear Tamms version of the morning ride 🙂

  • Butterscotch
    22.03.2015

    Good one Biko…love the wasted wordplay……

  • blackjack
    30.03.2015

    fantastic piece biko…only noble men step aside.That in itself is more fulfilling than winning.

  • Ama
    28.04.2015

    “And I think the greatest pride of a man with a little toddler boy is when you sit there and you see your son get a hard-on.”…. Man your ideas on gender are messed up.

  • Chauncey
    08.05.2015

    Some Goodread right there Biko.Thumbs up. But next time incase you get asked about the sun n the moon,just remember its not illegal to convince your child she’s the only person who can see em and never talk about it while, of course praying their teachers dont in due process.

  • Lily
    20.01.2016

    Perhaps one day Tamms can do a side piece about the life of a 7 year old 🙂 I will always vote for you and Joe Black, (the day he gets a blog), l really enjoy reading your ramblings..

  • Mukami Kathambara
    20.01.2016

    Story of my life….raising boys who grow too fast, to that 8 year old girl (luckily mine talks ALL the time) who is about to fill my Explora with just about every other series on Nickelodeon! But they are such a joy. I have never voted for you, so this is my year to vote for you 🙂

  • Cookie
    20.01.2016

    The things you write….SMH! I feel Wambui. Tamms will kill you when she’s old enough to understand…..LOL! Ati her breath without brushing is deathly! Tihihihihihi!

  • Ronald
    04.05.2016

    this is soooooo SAVAGE!!!
    ” It’s this family with super
    powers where one has laser eyes that can lift
    stuff and another sijui can freeze things with her
    breath – which is a power Tamms also
    possesses when she forgets to brush her teeth.”

    REALLY? Really Biko?

  • Victor
    10.03.2017

    I always come back to read this one.

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