I spoke of “crazy women” while reviewing a book, now look what happened

‘The definition of “crazy” in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.’ – Tina Fey

pissed me off.

I read it, felt annoyed by it and then put it away. But it niggled at my brain like an irritating itch. Every time I thought I Abercrombie And Fitch Outlet had it cornered, it hopped away again. So I let it swish in my mouth, slosh around in my mind, crawl under my skin, until finally in the top left corner of my brain, I managed to isolate the offensive  sentiment.

It was all the ‘crazy’ that got to me.

Men so flippantly men toss around the C word,http://www.acgillespie.co.uk/ the one that often precedes the B word.

‘You guy, she just went ape-shit out of nowhere, throwing her shoes at me, wailing like somebody had died. I thought she was going to go all Bernadine on my ass.’

So while they bond over how hard they have it dealing with these crazy women, a ‘mine is bigger than yours’, charade ensues as the next guy tries to one-up him with details about his own crazy chick.

‘You guy. That is nothing, I had an ex who chased me out of the house, running after my car swinging my golf club like a crazy bat.’

You guy. Did you ever consider she is reacting to something the man did?

Could it be because of his exploits on the green; all that putting and driving of clubs aiming for a hole in one?

Or did those flirty sexts accidentally slip out of his fingers, tumble onto his phone, hitch a ride on a flying carpet, and then slip into another woman’s phone?

What about how every time she tries to talk to him about something that bothers her, he  calls her a nag, instead of actually listening to and dealing with the issue, then when she finally snaps, he is as caught Abercrombie sale off guard as KPLC in the rainy season.

Possibly men don’t get it. Maybe they truly don’t understand that the things they do and say have an effect. I get that, it runs both ways. Women don’t always get it either. It is a human thing. But by painting a picture that her ugly crocodile tears and hiccupping sobbing appeared out of a vacuum, the man is absolved of all responsibility for his actions. Just like that, poof! Magic.

It is all the hilarity about the situation that I don’t get. She must be upset to react like that. It is never funny when another person is hurting.

I suppose what is comical is how men make themselves out to be innocent blameless victims of a silently scheming, evil plotting, fire breathing, glass throwing, dagger shooting, dangerously manipulative woman.

Then of course there is the,

‘Manze. You say the wrong thing to a chick, and out comes the drama. Me, I adopt a strictly one-way traffic policy. In one ear, out the other. Otherwise I can’t deal with that crazy nonsense.’

Women and men are wired differently, socialised differently. But just because he doesn’t agree with how she responds, out flies the paintbrush, splattering her with all shades of crazy. Do you see how dismissive that is? How it completely invalidates another human being’s opinion. After all, it is far easier to just call her crazy, than to try and understand where she is coming from.

But as Biko says, isn’t it crazy how she wasn’t crazy at first? When the fire made him feel like a Mandingo, when her banter made him feel smarter, when she bought him the single malt he loved, it was cute.

I suspect Tina Fey’s words are echoed out of Abercrombie uk outlet women show business as well. Now that he is no longer interested in getting into her pants, her wit becomes acerbic, her passion becomes stifling, her caring becomes creepy.

What if we took this out of the bedroom, because really it is only ever the two people involved that understand the dynamics of their relationship, and I am not even sure they do half the time.

The Star published a list of people who were killed in the Mpeketoni attacks; names and occupations. One person stood out – the occupation – Mad Woman. One journalist thought that the aside from her name, the most defining way for this woman to be remembered was ‘Mad Woman’. And the editor agreed.

It got me thinking about all the other crazy women in our history.

The woman who was crazy enough to think protecting our forests was important, crazy enough to stand up to a gang of bullies, crazy so that you and I, and our children have a refuge from the polluted, noisy, concrete jungle; a space of serenity to replenish our souls, where we can wiggle our toes in the grass, gaze up at the light streaming through the branches and feel ladybirds tickling a path up our arm. The woman who won a Nobel Prize. The same woman that was called crazy on TV by a whole President of the country.

And

The woman who was crazy to stand up to an oppressive apartheid government, crazy enough to come out of detention, solitary confinement and constant interrogation and still fight, agitate for the freedom of her people.

And

The mothers and grandmothers of Freedom Corner, bold in their craziness to protect their children, going to whatever lengths it took, stripping themselves of dignity to protest for and safeguard justice.

The seventh bearded sister, Chelegat Mutai, who they came for at midnight when she dared to do the unthinkable, whose spirit they tried to break in the dungeons of Nyayo House, whose crazy defiance helped pave the way for a multi-party Kenya.

There are more. So many more.

These powerful women refused to conform to an expectation of how things should be. They threatened the peace. So to neutralise the threat, they were smeared with the crazy brush.

It is more sinister than it appears. Take it one step further. Remove gender. If somebody doesn’t behave the way you expect them to, think the way you do, they must naturally be crazy, No? Stop and think about how dangerous that is.

I am reclaiming the word crazy.  Because it is the crazy women that are pushing uncomfortable boundaries, challenging myopic perspectives and creating space so that your daughters will be able to stand tall, speak loud, be heard – legitimately, credibly, authoritatively, make a difference in the world in whatever way they want, and most of all never have their opinions, actions or feelings belittled. So they can experience life fully with dignity and agency.

Yours unapologetically and proudly,

Crazy Woman

both boys and girls
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