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Joshua’s Words

You keep seeing this girl in the queue at the bus stop. Some days she’s wearing ankle boots, other days she’s in a hat. You say, “Tomorrow I will say hello.” Tomorrow comes and you don’t see her. You hang around looking out for her small shoulders and long neck. You say to yourself, “I should have said hello jana when she was here, now I will never see her again.” The following day she doesn’t come to the bus stop. Nor does she the following day. You give up. You’re 24-years old, you live in Githurai in a small digs with a small window that looks out to the neighbour’s wall.  

 

The following week you get to the queue at the bus stage and who do you see? A man selling all manner of hats. He has these hats stacked on top of each other, running all the way up into a storeyed enterprise. You wonder to yourself, “How is he able to balance all those hats? They must be like 2,000.” But this is Nairobi and Nairobians make money or go home. But often home is so far – as far as Burnt Forest – so nobody is going back home. So they sell hats. As you stand there gawping at the man with hats you hear a peal of laughter. You turn and there she is. She’s standing with a gaggle of her girlfriends. Her laughter floats over the queue like a rainbow. A rainbow you want to eat. Your brain says urgently, “This is your moment!” but you can’t feel your legs. You are immobile. The queue (or what we Kenyans call line) moves and soon she and her small posse are swallowed into the belly of a matatu. Your brain says to you, “What. The. F**k. Man?!” You hang your head in shame. You are a lily-livered man. You don’t deserve second or third chances. She was there. And you blew it.

 

But they say the universe is a woman (actually, they don’t but work with me here) and so she – the universe – feels woishe for you because the following day you see her. She’s wearing some trendy-ass sweater with big wooden buttons. Your brain tells you, “I swear if you don’t ta-” but you are off before it finishes that sentence and you are at her elbow saying, “Hi.”

 

Every evening after that, you get to the stage first and “reserve” for her a space in the queue. (Can people from other countries relate to this, by the way?) You start talking. She works in her uncle’s phone shop in town. You find it fascinating how she knows about phones and electronics. When she tells you that she’s a mother you are like, “Wait, kwani how old are you?” She’s a few years shy of you, she got a baby when she was very young, in high school. The baby’s father- a boy himself – died before his son was born. You like that…not the fact that the baby daddy died, but that she’s a mother. You really like that. It says she’s responsible and family-oriented. You grew up in a solid, stable and happy home in Ngara; Dad (deceased from heartbreak months after your brother’s death) was that guy and Mom was that woman.

 

You start hanging out a lot. She is the aggressor, always initiating meetings, sometimes taking you out on dates etc. You start dating. It’s going well, so well that you move into a house in Kimathi estate; you, her and her son, a sweet, happy boy. There are no white picket fences in Kimathi, but you feel content, happy. Your expenses are low so your designer job can sustain this small, budding family. You enroll her in a college because you want an empowered wife, so she quits her uncle’s phone shop. One day your phone rings and a guy says, “Is this Timothy?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“My name is Joshua.”

 

“Okay?” [Probably a guy who wants design work done.]

 

“We haven’t met, but I used to date Maggie, the lady you are currently dating.” [OK, so it isn’t a guy who wants design work. It’s a guy who had done designs on your woman.]

 

“Oh,” you say, but what you really wanted to say is something tough like, ‘Eh, where is this going? I have a goat to slaughter.’

 

“I wanted us to meet,” the guy says.

 

“Meet? About what?”

 

“About Maggie.”

 

“Oh.” [You really need to stop saying, ‘Oh.’]

 

“Yeah, I know this sounds odd but I mean you no harm.”

 

So you agree to meet after work in a little spoon near Fairlane building in Ngumo, a stone’s throw from your workplace. You find him there. You remember him immediately. You recall his good looks and his fit frame. Your read sports in his movement when he stands up. One time when you were wooing Maggie a guy came and pulled her out of the queue and they had what looked like a brief but uncomfortable conversation. He tells you that Maggie will leave you without notice, the same way she left him. “Things were great and then suddenly she was seeing you. It will happen to you too. I just thought I would warn you.” ‘Right. Spooky guy,’ you think. ‘Sour grapes.’

 

“I don’t think so,” you tell him, “this is different.”

 

“Well, mark my words,” were his last words, Joshua’s words. [Now, there is a header].

 

You finished your tea and high-tailed it from the prophet of doom. You opened a side gig for mtumba for Maggie, which started doing really well. You got a baby in 2004. You moved from Umoja one (three rooms, plot-like setting)  to a detached house in Umoja 2 with your own compound. A big-ass move. Things got even better. Money was coming from the mitumba business. She graduated from college, got a job with the judiciary and closed down the mitumba business.  Then things got from great to a slow decline. She started acting sketchy. Phone calls that she would ignore. Texts that would come in when he was near her phone and he would pick words from it; words like “dearest,” which isn’t a salacious word until someone uses it when referring to your wife. Then one day he saw a message when she was in the bathroom, where she was not being addressed as “dearest” but “baby.”

 

Now I’m with this guy having lunch and he’s telling me how things started unspooling. How he would confront her about these messages and she would flip. “On many occasions we would sit down with my mom and her mom and she would either deny or make me feel like I was too possessive,” he says. “My mom would later tell me to just be easy and focus on the happiness of my family.”

 

A few months later, the same thing would happen. A different guy. A different message. This one calling her “sweetness.” Even a mango doesn’t get called that. It kept happening, these slivers of evidence bearing men, which also brought vehement denials even though he was sure she was out there sleeping with these men.  

 

“I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to. Plus it’s not easy to tell your friends that your wife is shagging some guy,” he says. “You hope it will go away,” he says. Only it doesn’t. It gets bolder because now you are a doormat. Her behaviour changed, she was brash and bold. She knew he wouldn’t do anything. His self-esteem started eroding. What do you do, when you know your wife is playing dirty but you still love being a husband? Nothing. “Your self esteem gets a beating. Constant beating,” he says. Work got better, they moved to Nyayo Estate.  Desperation makes men do wild shit.

 

“One day I created a fake Facebook page,” he says. “It was of a lady. I got a fake name, got fake pictures, invited her friends and then invited her as a friend. We then started chatting. I asked her about one of the guys I suspected she was having a thing with, pretended that he was interested in me. She told me that they had had a thing. That they had driven to Nakuru during the day, got it on and she was back in the house in the evening. Together with that and a couple of confessions about other guys, I called another meeting with our parents and when I tabled this hard evidence she was livid. She ended up walking out of that meeting.”

 

He went back home to her because his mother said that he should try to keep that family together. “Look at the kids first,” she said. He also didn’t want to fail. He didn’t want to fail at the image they had created out there of a loving, stable family. People would laugh at him. By this time, they had two children, in addition to her son.

 

One day he was on leave and was doing some general cleaning when he found a piece of paper with a yahoo email and password. He sat on the bed and even before he logged into the Facebook account, he knew that it belonged to his wife. He knew that what awaited him there would be damning. But what he found was worse. She was having a thing with one of his best friends.  A guy he would have a drink with weekly. Someone he knew from childhood. The chats were there, like the entrails from a dead animal. He read them with a vein forming on his forehead, like Hulk’s when he gets pissed off. Only he didn’t punch a wall. He wasn’t even mad, he just felt a deep disappointment, a double-edged betrayal.

 

He took screenshots of all these conversations. Calmly. Like a stamp collector would, working on his album. Then he did something you and I would not do. He did nothing. Acted okay. For a week. He got into the same bed with her for a week, knowing that she was banging his friend. He asked her how her day was. He passed her the salt at the dinner table. He also continued meeting his boy for drinks and resisted the urge to push a beer bottle up his rectum. Two days after that discovery, as they lay in bed at night he asked her, “By the way, would you tell me if any of my friends made a pass at you?” She said, “Of course! Aii, lakini what thoughts are these? Why would your friends do that?” The next day, he watched them chat on Facebook. She was telling his friend how he had asked her a weird question the previous night. “Do you think he knows something?” his boy asked. “Naah. He doesn’t, be easy.” She was the aggressor from those chats, asking him when they will meet again etc.

 

One day they had coffee at a restaurant in town. They were four of them; him, his wife, his boy and another friend of theirs. He watched how playful they were, so playful that sometimes his boy would push her playfully. He sat there thinking, “How the f*ck did I not see this earlier?!”

 

So you know what he did right? You know the tragic way these kinds of stories end, right? He confronted them later that evening, in his boy’s office. He was armed with screenshots. They stood there, agape. He wasn’t even crushed, then, just deeply disappointed. He got up and told her, “I’m going home.” She said, “I will come pick up my stuff,” then she went and cried crocodile tears but he simply pointed at the door. He had had it. She was free to go shag every man she desired, she didn’t have to hide now. An 11-year old marriage had ended in a whimper. “When my father and bro died, I didn’t cry as much as I cried that night. I was sure the marriage had ended,” he says.

 

“Why did you stay in that marriage when you first discovered she was dodgy?” I ask him.

 

“Because I didn’t want to fail my children. I didn’t want to fail my mother. And my friends,” he says. “I wanted to have the kind of family my parents had. I thought people change. Also, I thought it was my fault. I thought perhaps I wasn’t doing enough as a man. Also she was such a great mother and homemaker, so perhaps I focused on that, you know, focus on the positive?”

 

Ideally, this story should end here. The villain is gone, after all. And Joshua’s words have come to pass, sort of. They broke up in 2015 when he was 36-years. Now he’s turning 41. Between finding out about his friend and his wife and now, four years later, he has since married again and has had a child. To mean he went back into a burning house and there, found a room that wasn’t smouldering. And he made tea.

 

I asked him about his state of mind soon after she packed her stuff and left. He said, “I suffered self-doubt. I wondered if I did everything I could to be a good husband. I flung myself at my children to find validation, that I could at least do something right; be a good father. And I found validation in that because my children looked happy.”

 

“And your manhood? What did that do?”

 

“Of course when you discover that your wife is out there shagging men it makes you question your manhood. Maybe I was lacking something. Maybe I wasn’t man enough,” he says. “I had those thoughts. I couldn’t confide in anyone, expect my mom who knew of all my marital problems from the start. I questioned what a man is to a woman because I had thought it was a provider, friend and lover, things I thought I was. Even when I started dating my current wife, she could see that it had shaken my confidence, my libido suffered. I’d be at it and suddenly a thought would come to my mind and I’d lose my erection.”

 

“What kind of thought?”

 

“It could be something very random, not anything specific, I don’t know…I guess I was distracted, my mind was not right,” he says. “It wasn’t easy.”

 

I ask him if it’s okay to call his wife later and find out how she rescued this sinking ship. He says, “Cool, go ahead.” So I spoke to his wife, asked her to go back to the first days she met him, a few months after his separation.

 

“When I met him, he was a shell of a man. He told me what had happened in his marriage and I could see how that had just crushed him,’ she says. All his confidence had drained down his pants. He was extremely insecure and suspicious. He was constantly worried and stressed. “Even his work was different,” she says. “There is a way you see some guys walk with their heads high and chests puffed out. He would walk with rounded shoulders, back hunched over. He had no purpose in his walk. He walked simply to get to where he was going, without enjoying the experience of the walk itself.”

 

“Why didn’t you run,” I ask her, “knowing the amount of emotional baggage he was coming into the new relationship with?”

 

“Well, I admired how committed he was to his children, even to his first son who had come with his ex-wife. His love for his kids never waned, if anything he was more committed to them. I loved that. It showed that he was a man you could depend on even in the worst of times. I saw that he wasn’t the guy who would ruka you. I had ended a ten-year relationship a year earlier and I admired that quality in him. Plus, come on, we are women, we want to fix broken things, so there was also a bit of saviour mentality there.” She laughs.

 

“How hard were the initial days?” I ask.

 

They fought all the time, she says. About everything. He was insecure. “I would let him go through the messages on my phone. If he wanted my phone it was there, unlocked. I did this even though it could get pretty exhausting, but I understood the demons he was fighting. He was dealing with major trust issues. I had lots of male friends and I had to let go of some of them to make him comfortable. I was building his confidence, reassuring him constantly that I loved him and that I wasn’t about to hurt him. It was slow and painful, but I knew he would be a great partner after all that. We started doing outdoor activities together in a funny way.” She laughs.

 

She had gone hiking with a male friend and when he learnt about it, he blew a gasket. He asked, “Are you having a thing with this guy? Why would you go hiking with him, just the two of you out on some hill?” She laughs. So next time they were going hiking she invited him and he met the guy.

 

“Did he punch him in the neck?”

 

“No!” She laughs. “He realised that there was nothing between us.”

 

“Oh, I wish he’d just have punched him in the neck, just for the fun of it.”

 

She laughs at that.

 

They have climbed Mount Kenya and Mount Kilimanjaro together.

 

She talks about the challenge of sex at the beginning and how difficult it was. “He was off sex when we met and it was frustrating me a big deal because I’m a hot-blooded woman and he just wasn’t keen to take me to bed. And when he did, he would lose it in the middle of it all…so that was tough. Very.”

 

“And now? Is he back. Is he a beast, ey?”

 

“He got back to it but currently we aren’t having sex as frequently because he’s going through some financial difficulties. His business isn’t doing so great and it’s stressing him a lot,” she says. “He’s that guy who pegs a lot on being a provider and when he can’t provide it really brings him down. But the good thing with him is that he communicates what he’s feeling. He won’t just be quiet. In fact, just yesterday we were talking about this. He was saying how business is so bad, making him feel like he’s letting me and the children down and it’s killing his mojo and all, and that’s why he’s off. I like that about him, he will say this is wrong and I feel this way and that’s why I’m behaving in this manner.”

 

“But we have been through so much. He’s such a great guy. Financial difficulty is something that we will also overcome,” she says.

 

“Tell me what you love most about him?” I say. “Maybe he doesn’t know it.”

 

“I admire his calmness. He is a very calm man. Very. And patient. I also greatly admire his kindness, he has got such a big heart. He is also a people person, people are always so easy around him. He’s a fantastic father, someone you can rely on. I always know that no matter what I can depend on him. I know he will come through.”

 

I called him later and told him that his wife had said he’s a solid guy.

 

“She’s my rock,” he says. “When I was in a very bad place, she chose me. She chose me everyday, with all my faults. And then she fixed me. She’s very tactful when she needs to confront me and when she does, I never feel like it’s in a negative way, or that she is attacking me. The most important thing I love about her is that she is selfless and patient. When I didn’t think I was worth any woman’s time, when my confidence was zero and I was stressing her, she could have left me to deal with my shit but she always told me, ‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be here,’ and she would keep saying it over and over again. That gave me great reassurance.”

 

“Words from a woman’s tongue are powerful.”

 

“Oh yeah, so much,” he says.

 

“What would you say is your level of confidence now?”

 

He thinks about it for a second. “ Maybe a 6?” he says.

 

“Oh, that’s low, no?” I say.

 

“Yeah, it’s because business is not doing well now. I’m really struggling and it’s spilled over to our bedroom.”

 

“You are not getting strong ones.”

 

He chuckles. “We have been off sex for two weeks now. It’s because I’m so distracted and worried about money because I have financial obligations from my family now and also for my ex-wife and it’s a lot.”

 

All said and done, he’s in a good place. A very good place. His confidence is almost back to what it was. He’s happy. His wife is happy. His children are happy. And hopefully, Joshua is also happy.

163 Responses
  • Angela Darcy
    04.06.2019
    7
    • Baimuiku
      04.06.2019

      Lovely as always

      4
      • Alex
        05.06.2019

        Great read.. the tongue truly has power..
        ‘Womans words’

        1
        • John
          06.06.2019

          If one has to cheat have the decency to do it outside marriage leave get a divorce and have as much dick as you want there is o point un ruining a spouses self esteem for life.

          6
          • salohsin
            13.06.2019

            I think the problem was with the man. He stuck around despite having knowledge and evidence of what the wife was doing. He should have dumped her earlier.

            mombasacodl.uonbi.ac.ke

            1
        • Juicy kid
          09.06.2019

          Awesome piece

          1
    • Joy
      04.06.2019

      Hats off to this man, and woman!!!! They got each other’s back, what else would one want!!!!!

      19
      • Anne
        04.06.2019

        Wow! That’s a beautiful story.

        3
    • Victoria Obonyo
      05.06.2019

      Interesting read… Kenyans call it line instead of queue ✔️

      3
  • Angela Darcy
    04.06.2019

    Hope am first!

    • John Jim
      04.06.2019

      This clearly proves that in a relationship, once they do it they can still do it again

      11
      • Muthoni
        04.06.2019

        Not they can, they actually do it again and again. And again

        1
      • Anna O
        04.06.2019

        Trust builds a bond so tight in a relationship that once broken its hard to fix. Well done to his current wife , always stand by your man!

        2
    • Judith
      04.06.2019

      Oh yes, you are.

    • Jenni
      04.06.2019

      Marriage is tough work, everyday!
      Wueh!

      5
  • Dan
    04.06.2019

    I feel there is an incomplete part regarding what happened to his ex-wife and why she behaved the way she did.
    All said and done, the second wife is the real deal and a reassurance that if you get it wrong the first time, you can still get it right on the second.

    84
    • jj
      04.06.2019

      Well, she was a hoe and, naturally, she did what hoes do!

      45
    • Kitty
      04.06.2019

      She has a history of showing.lets just cal it what it is.we don’t always have to make an excuse for bad behaviour.the guy is the type on man women walk all over.sweet.descent.they always attract the bad type

      9
      • carol
        04.06.2019

        nice read as always….

        1
    • Moulding Beauty
      04.06.2019

      Cheating is always a choice, meaning one could have chosen differently. You cannot control what life throws at you but you are 100% responsible for how you respond or react.

      17
    • JN
      05.06.2019

      Good piece

  • Adrian
    04.06.2019

    Kumbe even parents have self esteem issues. As a kid i used to think they had all their shit figured out

    24
    • Adi
      04.06.2019

      Me I was sure that my mum didn’t even shit.Parents were gods.

      21
      • Jenny
        11.06.2019

        Hehehe weeeh

    • B
      04.06.2019

      Great!

      1
      • Naftal Mosioma
        05.06.2019

        Women like the second wife are the women we hear people say, ‘Behind every successful man….!” Men don’t need women to feed them nor clothe them nor house them, just be the emotional pillar and that is all it means a strong woman for a man. Someone he can open up to, emotionally connect and have reassurance when he comes home from work, tired and dissapointed.
        A cold woman is toxic!

        17
    • Sammy
      05.06.2019

      Awesome read Biko….
      And for once i know you know my home town…. Burnt forest is not as far… Kudos

      2
  • Peter
    04.06.2019

    “Yeah, it’s because business is not doing well now. I’m really struggling and it’s spilled over to our bedroom.” – Only a man who has been through this knows how hard this words are to say.

    25
  • Mark
    04.06.2019

    “When I was in a very bad place, she chose me. She chose me every day, with all my faults. And then she fixed me.”

    #FEELS

    73
    • Godfrey
      04.06.2019

      The statement made me refer to her words, ….. come on, we are women, we want to fix broken things……”

      9
    • Juicy kid
      09.06.2019

      Awesome piece

  • Dan
    04.06.2019

    “When I was in a very bad place, she chose me. She chose me everyday, with all my faults. And then she fixed me.” I have felt that

    13
  • Mig
    04.06.2019

    Beautiful story!

    Very.

    • Mama AJ
      04.06.2019

      Biko do you have a book out already…..very juicy and inspiring stories.

  • Bumble Bee
    04.06.2019

    We all love a happy ending.
    New wife has patience as a superpower, because dealing with that kind of insecurities in a person requires major major patience, that isn’t acquired just anywhere.

    Lol Biko, have you been playing violent video games or you’ve watched too much GoT?

    Sad to feel a man breaking from the fall of his marriage, it’s a sad predicament. Glad everyone is happy now, and hopefully, his ex wife is too.

    Granted, does anyone wonder what kind of insecurities ex-wife was trying to mask by the cheating? Grief from lost lover? Scared everyone will leave so you would rather fuck it up before it fucks you up?

    28
    • Mwandishi
      04.06.2019

      The ex-wife doesn’t know how to love. She cheated on Joshua, and on Timothy. She has a demonic spirit that knows no love, but lust. Perhaps she was sexually molested by a man and now she has to “revenge” by bedding Tom, Dick, and Harry? Perhaps she has a mental problem that Timothy and Joshua and God-knows-who-else can’t solve? I feel for her. The only way for us to know her problem is to talk to her. Bikozulu, I hope you are reading. Let us know the reason why this woman is such a pathological cheater. Because it is our right to know. Who else feels for the old girl with small shoulders and a long neck?

      9
    • Gathigia
      04.06.2019

      My thinking too. Am sure she had insecurity issues or stuff from her past that made her behave the way she did. It’s unfortunate they spoilt something so good coz they were not dealt with early enough.

      1
    • priscah
      04.06.2019

      good read Biko and quite educative too. thanks…….but i want to think the 1st wife was also dealing with her own sense of loss of her son’s father…only that her husband decided all was well and life moved on until she found out that doing it out there gave her some satisfaction.

    • Mueni
      04.06.2019

      Come to think of it….that was compensatory behavior

  • Kanyi Kimani
    04.06.2019

    Damn!

  • Grace
    04.06.2019

    Such a patient guy…. Wowo… Only 0•01% of individuals can maintain such a level of patience

  • Chambers
    04.06.2019

    Wow,a nice one.

    1
  • chichi koyo
    04.06.2019

    Beautiful ending!

    Would also like to tell him, live life and don’t peg it on materialistic value( it’s important I don’t refute but having it dictate how your day goes down is the issue).

    There is life in Jesus Christ , once you get it right with Him other things follow suit, you may not own a million- dollar maisonette or business, but the joy He gives you the world cannot take it a way.

    93
    • David Mwangi
      04.06.2019

      I feel alot of heaviness in your comment..Youve really touched my heart.God bless you for that insight.

      3
    • Kanaka
      04.06.2019

      Very True. Christ makes us complete. the rest just complements

      16
    • Idah
      04.06.2019

      Couldn’t have put it any better

      1
    • Gathigia
      04.06.2019

      100%! Just knowing that He knew whatever challenges would be there a forehand and He’s got a way out should give anyone peace and hope that its gonna get better

      6
    • juster
      04.06.2019

      Couldn’t be put better. Never base your value on material things. We derive our value, strengths and peace of mind from God. Don’t let your financial position define you. You’re much more than your bank balance, the hood that you live in or the school that your children go to. you are a child of the most High.

      6
    • Sir Kev
      04.06.2019

      Matthew 6:33

      2
  • ROSELYNE
    04.06.2019

    May this happiness never end. We all want to be happy.

    2
    • Njeri
      04.06.2019

      Wow..great story n a strong marriage here

  • Viv
    04.06.2019

    I’d like to be the man that has heard so many stories, the man that has told so many stories.
    A listener. A narrator.
    I feel like this was rushed though.

    3
  • Norman
    04.06.2019

    Even a mango doesn’t get called that.
    Very inspiring quote.

  • Rehema Zuberi
    04.06.2019

    I almost thought the guy’s name was Joshua Joshua’s words were marked. Problem with them is, how do you know if the guy is coming on with malicious intent to destroy you or that’s the actual truth? What if the woman had changed? What if you sneaking up on her will scare her off and brand your with a, “You don’t trust me” tag. What if you yourself start seeing things that are not there because of I was told so? Where and how do you draw this line?

    https://reshonlineblog.wordpress.com/2019/06/02/pick-me/

    5
    • Tiga
      04.06.2019

      A person who “blows a fuse and walks away in a huff from an individual” because he/she thinks that the individual does not trust him/her is in fact untrustworthy.
      They walk away because they have triggered an alarm too early and know that they will henceforth be under observation – which upsets them. They “blow up” to cover the fact that they do not have an immediate convincing response that would explain their “fishy” behavior.
      My take is that a genuine person will take time to explain themselves – “here is my phone – it is not what you think”, “can I call him/her so that we can prove that there is nothing”. (Accountable like Timothy’s new wife)
      The one who actually gets angry has no regard for the relationship. Trust is earned and if one does not want to earn it, they should just take a walk – the earlier, the better – always.

      8
      • Carole
        05.06.2019

        My thoughts exactly! If you have nothing to hide you’re only too glad to open up and reassure your spouse.

    • Peterson
      04.06.2019

      Maybe.. Maybe not. Btw are you a writer?

      1
      • Tiga
        05.06.2019

        Is the question for me ? If yes, then the answer is no -I’m not a writer.
        Why do you ask ?

        • enagaB
          09.06.2019

          “As you stand there gawping at the man with hats you hear a peal of laughter. You turn and there she is. She’s standing with a gaggle of her girlfriends. Her laughter floats over the queue like a rainbow.”

          Oh My..What a description. Insanely beautiful.

  • Sitty
    04.06.2019

    “OK, so it isn’t a guy who wants design work. It’s a guy who had done designs on your woman.]

    7
  • Gideon Crop
    04.06.2019

    It really hurts when you’re doing the best for the family while the person who’s supposed to be your pillar is out there cheating. Timothy’s calmness is something to emulate. I’m glad he finally found somebody who understood his situation and was willing to help. It’s interesting how our struggles (financial &marital) affect our libido. Ladies, you can tell that your man is going through difficulties by monitoring his libido. You all know how hard it is for us to open up about our issues. Sometimes there isn’t another woman; it’s just struggles. Struggles we rarely talk about.
    Thank you Biko for the article.

    19
    • Squidmakomere
      04.06.2019

      I literally read all this with Kari Jobe’s Find You on My Knees playing on loop mode in the background.. ‍♂️ Well, there’s still hope out there for the hopeless and trodden..

      Love always wins.

      10
  • Victor
    04.06.2019

    Powerful piece. Adversity and redemption all rolled into one.

    Joshua sounds like a cool cat, giving a brother a heads up, too bad love is illogical.

    3
  • Ranji
    04.06.2019

    At least he finally found his true love,a woman who appreciates and acknowledges.I am so happy for him.And he took a second chance at this thing called love.
    Wishing them all the best.

    4
    • Beatrice
      04.06.2019

      I need someone with that patience

      1
      • Mwandishi
        04.06.2019

        My hand is raised!

        3
    • Shee
      04.06.2019

      But seriously,what do people want in this life?
      You get a man who sees through you, lifts you up,loves your child like his.And then that’s the thanks giving….his bestfriend of all people…ey people are mean in this world…
      But as i say si ni life…
      I hope this happiness lasts….

      4
  • Bonke
    04.06.2019

    I hope she doing well too-the wife who left the group ie. Everything happens for a reason

    1
  • Tony
    04.06.2019

    Its Sad when innocent children who never requested to be brought into the world have to be torn away from a lifetime of having 2 people they can come home to in the evening and call Mom and Dad just because of the same 2 hot blooded people that cant keep their damn hands to themselves and their partner. Its just heartbreaking what two (im)mature people put kids through. They do not deserve it guys, THEY REALLY DON’T!!!

    Thanks for a good read as usual Biko.

    8
    • Tiga
      04.06.2019

      @Toni – Why do you say “..two (im)mature people” ?.
      In this particular story, it is the woman who had a problem. It is wrong to blame the man. He doesn’t have to put up with a cheating spouse – even the Bible permits divorce in situations where a spouse is cheating.
      I totally agree with you that the children will suffer for no fault of their own, However the blame must be placed squarely where it belongs.
      Unfortunately, life is such that sometimes things go very wrong and there won’t be a thing on the face of the earth that you could do to fix it – you walk away and hope that you will survive the losses.

      1
  • DollarQuestion
    04.06.2019

    And hopefully Joshua is also happy. #does it serve us as a learning, that she was bound to leave marriage as Joshua had foreseen.

    1
    • Valary
      04.06.2019

      Happy ending is always the ultimate goal

      1
      • Naftal Mosioma
        05.06.2019

        Women like the second wife are the women we hear people say, ‘Behind every successful man….!” Men don’t need women to feed them nor clothe them nor house them, just be the emotional pillar and that is all it means a strong woman for a man. Someone he can open up to, emotionally connect and have reassurance when he comes home from work, tired and dissapointed.
        A cold woman is toxic!

        1
      • Damaco Kajalla
        05.06.2019

        ‘He hath made every thing beautiful in his time’. Great read.

  • Caroline Njeri
    04.06.2019

    His love for his kids never waned, if anything he was more committed to them. I loved that. It showed that he was a man you could depend on even in the worst of times. I saw that he wasn’t the guy who would ruka you.
    Totally feel this.

    3
  • Deb
    04.06.2019

    Atleast i can recover from the previous post…the very best to him

    4
  • Annue
    04.06.2019

    Beautiful!

    1
  • Joshua
    04.06.2019

    Yes I told him about Maggie. Never listened!!

    15
    • jackie
      04.06.2019

      Really?

  • WarGez
    04.06.2019

    “Words from a woman’s tongue are powerful.”
    Nice read Biko.

    1
  • Paul Koigi
    04.06.2019

    Beware men named Joshua. Or at least heed their words. But Timothy is the comeback kid, is he not?

    2
  • Rose Wafula
    04.06.2019

    I was also warned about my ex. He is a serial cheater. I went back and reconciled so many times. He even cheated with my then neighbor and friend and it hurt like crazy. And I often wondered if there is any man who has been cheated on and went back forgiving the lady and even reconciling with the lady. This story and another one doing rounds on fb has just shown me there are loyal men out there. Just as there are loyal women 🙂

    6
  • david mwangi
    04.06.2019

    Joshua is also happy

    1
  • Belinda
    04.06.2019

    Soooo….could someone explain the reserving a place in the line thing?

    2
  • Dharma
    04.06.2019

    Men go through a lot. This has broken my heart in many ways. Love is a beautiful thing and humans make it ugly most times

    4
  • Gee
    04.06.2019

    So sad! We always think it will change, but chances are it will never change.

  • NIMO
    04.06.2019

    Wueeeh! Finally a happy ending. Good for you Joshua.

    1
    • Liz Wambui
      04.06.2019

      Heheehe Joshua is the guy who warned him about his ex-wife.

      2
  • abdullah omar
    04.06.2019

    a door mat is a door mat.it can never be a bed room rug. didnt even have a mojo to be whacked!

  • Lindiwe
    04.06.2019

    A happy ending

  • Thorn
    04.06.2019

    “Words from a woman’s tongue are powerful.” They can break or make a castle. Funny how we Men like our egos to be soothed all will be alright

    1
  • Lyne
    04.06.2019

    The ending, Ha! you get me all the time.

    Thanks for this “Words from a woman’s tongue are powerful.”

    I hope he did not take me seriously when I told him God doesn’t love him as much as he does me in the morning. well, the pun was intended but I copy that.

    Women say a lot of things. I hope am tamable.

    1
  • Peter
    04.06.2019

    [OK, so it isn’t a guy who wants design work. It’s a guy who had done designs on your woman.]…Biko Biko Biko compendious piece it is.

    2
    • Mulusa
      05.06.2019

      It is always the good men that attract the not so good women like the first wife…How he maintained his cool after finding out she had a thing with his friend is amazing. Can never be me…i would have flipped that moment. Such a good read i love !!

      1
  • Happy
    04.06.2019

    What a story !! Seems to have met Joshua a few months ago. Shoulders frozen!
    This is so me!

  • Godfrey
    04.06.2019

    I wonder how many ladies enter into a relationship with this mindset, ” …..come on, we are women, we want to fix broken things….” Rose (my beloved wife), I think you are one of them.

    4
  • Sarah
    04.06.2019

    Wooow.
    Nice read…….

    • Beckky
      04.06.2019

      Oh, Joshua is very happy. He’s sleeping in his shoes!!

      1
  • jj
    04.06.2019

    Moral of the story, a hoe is always going to be a hoe, you can’t save her! If she was dishing out her punani during her teens and poping out kids, that’s not likely to change even after you marry her.

    2
  • Kangsy
    04.06.2019

    Good read

    1
  • Dee
    04.06.2019

    I want to complain about how this story has been written like it was in a hurry or something but I feel like I’ve done that a lot lately so I will not.
    So happy for you Timothy, thank God for second chances.

    1
  • Jose
    04.06.2019

    “You are not getting strong ones? ” Sometimes I imagine Biko doing this interview and ask that question, nonchalantly. That’s what makes Biko, Biko.

    2
  • Mary
    04.06.2019

    ”All said and done, he’s in a good place. A very good place. His confidence is almost back to what it was. He’s happy. His wife is happy. His children are happy. And hopefully, Joshua is also happy”

    That place called happiness is very elusive-but the universe conspires to get us all there somehow

    2
  • wanjirumk
    04.06.2019

    Hope Joshua is reading this

    Nice read,but this guy bana,hats off very calm indeed unlike others who will slap you before even asking who the hell is that on the whatsapp status and apparently its your cousin.

    3
  • Wams
    04.06.2019

    This piece should be published on a local daily so that those young college boys who slaughter girls see that you can just move on. I was still waiting for a bloody ending as has become the norm lately 🙁

    11
  • Linny
    04.06.2019

    Sometimes you wait to long not knowing you hurting yourself atleast he got his match

  • kanaka
    04.06.2019

    Second chances…good read

    1
    • Mac
      09.06.2019

      I like the concern for Joshua at the end…

  • Kabugzz
    04.06.2019

    Happiness!

    Part 2 of the story was LIT!

  • Shee
    04.06.2019

    But seriously,what do people want in this life?
    You get a man who sees through you, lifts you up,loves your child like his.And then that’s the thanks giving….his bestfriend of all people…ey people are mean in this world…
    But as i say si ni life…
    I hope this happiness lasts….

    4
  • Benson Mbocha
    04.06.2019

    This woman seems to be suffering from the curse of the Gemini

  • wanjirumk
    04.06.2019

    Note to Joshua:

    Integrity, discipline, self control and fear of God makes a man wealthy, not the fat bank account..

    @Biko how comes you never used the word “migwatos”in this sentence?,
    We have been off sex for two weeks now. It’s because I’m so distracted and worried about money because I have financial obligations from my family now and also for my ex-wife and it’s a lot.”

    4
  • Chep
    04.06.2019

    “We have been off sex for two weeks now” Yaani being off sex for two weeks is such a big deal !. That’s so kawaida to some people out here.

    4
  • Ace
    04.06.2019

    I think first of, when you get a warning and see the signs it might be time to take off rather than wait for the hurt. And secondly, hats off for the guy for being a gentleman and keeping his cool despite stumbling upon hard evidence of his wife cheating. Good read!

    1
  • Big Mac
    04.06.2019

    I can relate to this guy.Its a very painful experience but looking back everything works itself out in the end.

  • Gvn
    04.06.2019

    That’s powerful…..but at least we’ve a happy ending…..

  • Carol
    04.06.2019

    Hahaha, I was waiting for a “Joshua” to come post and you did that!

  • Marrrrto
    04.06.2019

    I read here that, ‘I hope you never break yourself trying to heal someone else.’
    The strength shown by the second wife is extraordinary

    1
  • Switch
    04.06.2019

    Men have become strong

  • Jaxonkin
    04.06.2019

    I think Timothy’s ex-wife did not see him for who he was and therefore took advantage of him and failing to realise that is how he was created. She rode wildly on his calm trait and knew that he can do nothing. She took advantage of his trait.
    From Timothy’s second wife, we have realised who he is through her description. She understands this is how this man was manufactured, his strengths and his weaknesses, his qualities… she gets him!
    I honestly feel people take advantage of people because they do not understand who the person is, that, this is how they were created and they cannot be another person because it is not who they are. We need to “get” our partners so that we can live in harmony and happiness with them.

    Thank you Biko for another great piece.

    3
  • Aced
    04.06.2019

    First off, I guess it is important to consider these signs and warning when they show, rather than waiting for the hurt. Secondly, hats off for Timothy’s gentleman act despite stumbling upon hard evidence of his wife’s cheating. God knows not many of our species would play cool in that situation. Good read, as always

  • Caleen
    04.06.2019

    Second chances are rare! Glad the guy got it!

    1
  • Liz
    04.06.2019

    This story feels abit incomplete like too much had to be removed or edited. I wonder how he met his second wife and managed to court her if he was that low down. And what happened to his ex by the way?

    1
    • Nymo
      04.06.2019

      And why did she live her son from another man behind? Is it to allow her all the freedom to roam without boarders? This is just wrong

      1
  • Janet
    04.06.2019

    So much respect for this guy,he is rare one and may he find peace forever.

    1
  • Winny
    04.06.2019

    Awesome read.! may the two have a happy life

  • Linda
    04.06.2019

    100% True!!…the joy in Christ is incomparable

  • Stephen spz
    04.06.2019

    This one calling her “sweetness.” Even a mango doesn’t get called that.

    I feel at this point we don’t appreciate mangoes enough.

    4
  • rehema
    04.06.2019

    Words from a woman’s tongue are powerful.”
    ‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be here,’ and she would keep saying it over and over again. That gave me great reassurance.”

  • James
    04.06.2019

    Nice!

  • Kadonye
    04.06.2019

    I got to the bottom of this story and was like, ‘now who the [email protected]#k is Joshua?’. Chin up good father/husband guy & your patient new wife – wish you all the joy in the world.

    1
  • Bee Em
    04.06.2019

    Thank you Biko!
    Finally a beautiful story!

    I believe in miracles! And they are God’s gift to each other!

    May their marriage last forever!

    May they be mentors to many other couples….I wish I had such near me!

    I believe in second chances and yes, when two level headed people meet, nothing can stop them…

    I love this story!

    1
    • Njuguna Ndung'u
      04.06.2019

      This Joshua guy. Maybe it’s a sign sometimes brothers can check out on each other. Although 95% of the Joshuas have Anthony as a prefix- smashers.

  • Wairimu
    04.06.2019

    Why do I feel like a know Maggie…..Anyhu,when something breaks ,if the pieces are large enough it can be fixed…and am so happy this one did.I love happy endings.

    1
    • Essy
      04.06.2019

      The entire men and marriage series has cemented my beliefs that not all men cheat.

      This particular one is proof that we all deserve a second chance.
      Proof that with love, you can overcome everything.
      Proof that there are good men out there.
      Proof that even when we are down, we only need just one person to believe in you.

      I think I’m in love with his second wife already.

      #Feels#

      2
  • Landila
    04.06.2019

    At the end of the day we all want and need someone who will choose us over and over again even when we have nothing to offer

    3
  • Imani
    04.06.2019

    Such an inspiring read! Great man right there, wonderful couple, wish you happiness and God’s blessings on your business too. It is encouraging to know there are good men out there.

    1
    • Seraphine
      04.06.2019

      All said and done,is in a good place.Avery good place.He’s happy.His wife is happy His children are happy……Moral lesson. Keep your head up and ur hopes high.Thankyou. what a storytelker

    • Naftal Mosioma
      05.06.2019

      Women like the second wife are the women we hear people say, ‘Behind every successful man….!” Men don’t need women to feed them nor clothe them nor house them, just be the emotional pillar and that is all it means a strong woman for a man. Someone he can open up to, emotionally connect and have reassurance when he comes home from work, tired and dissapointed.
      A cold woman is toxic!

      1
      • Irene
        05.06.2019

        Finally there is hope..good men do exist!

  • Mac
    04.06.2019

    I like the concern for Joshua at the end…

    1
  • faith kathy
    04.06.2019

    Hello my name is Faith Kathy from UK, My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr.Solution i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man i ever loved back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again at ([email protected]).in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email ([email protected]) or WhatsApp him (+19412204426) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

    • Black Dtone
      04.06.2019

      Where did this one come from. Does she:it even shit?

  • Njuguna Ndung'u
    04.06.2019

    This Joshua guy. Maybe it’s a sign sometimes brothers can check out on each other. Although 95% of the Joshuas have Anthony as a prefix- smashers.

  • “But this is Nairobi and Nairobians make money or go home. But often home is so far – as far as Burnt Forest – so nobody is going back home.”  So very true..the hustle is real.

    “Every evening after that, you get to the stage first and “reserve” for her a space in the queue. (Can people from other countries relate to this, by the way?)”
    *How romantic*
    In some of our adoptive countries, they just may swallow you whole, or burn you at the stake..whichever is more painful, so you don’t even try to cut queues or reserve places.
    ION, I think the current wife should have been given a slot in the “Women and marriage series” instead of having a mini-interview in this one. I thought we were waiting a few weeks for that..

    2
  • Elvis
    04.06.2019

    I am hoping this is a story not inspired by true events, in any case, Biko, can you have a word with the ex-wife? I would like to hear her side of the truth. Beautiful piece!

  • Andolina White
    04.06.2019

    I want to know about Maggie. You can’t let her off the story….just like that

    I would like to her, to unwrap her. Get to know what tics her. And where her ‘likes’ are

    1
  • Bree
    05.06.2019

    Love is not a feeling.. It’s a choice.. You continue to choose someone over and over even if it doesn’t make sense to do so..

    Hats off to the savior mentality in the lovely woman…

    And cheers to the man who wears is heart on his sleeve.. That kind doesn’t come around often….

    1
  • John
    05.06.2019

    Moral of the story: You finally get to settle happily in your second marriage.

  • Dianah
    05.06.2019

    These are rare beings….. Trust respect and reassurance

  • Denis
    05.06.2019

    “She’s my rock,” he says. “When I was in a very bad place, she chose me. She chose me everyday, with all my faults. And then she fixed me. She’s very tactful when she needs to confront me and when she does, I never feel like it’s in a negative way, or that she is attacking me. The most important thing I love about her is that she is selfless and patient. When I didn’t think I was worth any woman’s time, when my confidence was zero and I was stressing her, she could have left me to deal with my shit but she always told me, ‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be here,’ and she would keep saying it over and over again. That gave me great reassurance.”

    This part perfectly describes my wife and I in 2008 when we met. I was at my lowest, stressed and broken, after losing my Dad, Mum and Sister in 2003, 2007 and 2008 respectively. We got married in 2016 but just 5 days after our 3rd marriage anniversary, that we were to celebrate together with her birthday that was 10 days apart, ET302 happened. Broken and sad again!

    3
    • Okhwa Papa
      07.06.2019

      Oh my, oh my. Pole man.

      1
  • Cjcaro
    05.06.2019

    Some people are lucky, you get someone who takes you as you are, does all that for you and still has all that patience..
    Well wacha nipambane na hali yangu

  • JoyJoy
    06.06.2019

    Nothing beats LOYALTY! Nothing. Hats off to the man in subject.
    And the current wife is exemplary.

    2
  • mwachia
    06.06.2019

    Whatsoever men do to women it shall be done unto them.

  • TheDan
    06.06.2019

    Did you have to end with Joshua again?

  • Kariuki
    07.06.2019

    Lovely piece..Great art my friend

  • Ex Back Spell
    07.06.2019

    Getting back together with your ex is a very tough challenge and I failed it many times after my fiance broke-up with me. but after i read about Kwale Temple love spell and decided to get in contact with him and when he replied my mail I discover it was so easy for me to get my fiance back within 48 hours. That’s how i got my fiance back at [email protected] whats app him on +2348056141089.

  • Ciru
    08.06.2019

    Oh Biko … Such a beautiful story. You are making me cry at 5am man!

  • Jawsay
    08.06.2019

    This guy Biko, he can make you laugh even in the saddest of stories. Great writing dude…..

  • Everlyn
    10.06.2019

    A good cultivating piece

  • [email protected]
    10.06.2019

    I Think I need to talk to Biko Zulu I have a story, to tell the world.

  • Maina Gakere
    12.06.2019

    Great story with a happy ending.

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