Sign up with your email address to be the first to know about new products, VIP offers, blog features & more.

Kissed By A Dad

It’s a fine time to be a father. A great time actually, because the bar our fathers set is absurdly low. I mean, how hard was it to be a father in the 70’s or 80’s? There wasn’t any democracy: he spoke, you obeyed. You never talked back. You didn’t have an opinion, rather you did, but you kept it to yourself.  You didn’t dare scream “I hate you!” and then ran upstairs and slam the door.

He paid fees and you went to school. He said, “You will study engineering in campus, OK?” And you said, “Yes, daddy.” Then you went to Uni and did Eng’ and one day, when you are standing in the middle of a housing development site in Ruai in your hard hat and your steel-nosed safety boots you realise with an alarming clarity that you are actually miserable and a part of you resents him for that. You realise that you actually hate what you do and you hate the people you do it with and all you want to do is be in advertising or be a stockbroker or you want to make music or work for Kenya Wildlife Society because you love animals, especially baboons. It’s a light bulb moment and you finally “come out” right there in the middle of the site in the scorching African sun, as the mixer chugs a few feet away. You mumble, “I love baboons….I love baboons…I love baboons..” then you scream out loud, “I LOVE BABOONS!” but nobody hears this final declaration of  freedom because the mixer is thunderously loud.

Later, as you drive down Thika Road, you realise that all you really want to do is save baboons and maybe their cousins the gorillas, if there is some time left. It fills you with overwhelming hope but right before Alsops, doubt starts creeping in.  You start thinking, “shit, I’m already 35-years old, I have three tois, I just can’t wake up one morning and announce that I want to save baboons.” Plus you are already in mid-management at jobo and they are now giving you an entertainment allowance and things and soon you might have your own name on a door…. if you start wearing better pants.

As you drive through that Forest Road tunnel, you are gripped by the realisation that you are in a prison of your own making, thanks to your despotic father and your weak spine.  And before you can say “bamburi cement” you have hit 40, you finally have your name on the door and there is talk of making you partner but you realise that lately you are constantly moody and grumpy and your kids start leaving the living room when you walk into the digs because you are such a sour bitch and a spectacular killjoy, hogging the remote so you can watch Monkey Thieves on Nat Geo Wild, grinning through it like Bill Cosby. You even change your passwords to “Baboon!2021. Nobody can stand your angst, not at work and not at home. You drink more or find yourself sitting outside the UoN hostels in your top of the range luxury car, waiting for a bird only 10 years older than your daughter and you feel miserable, foolish and old.  You could always gun the engine and drive off but she is the only one, in the whole wide world, who thinks you are cool anymore. Sometimes she even says you are funny, when you buy her the latest phone.

Meanwhile your resentment of your predicament and inertia festers like a compost pit and every time you see your father you feel betrayed and fastened to this big chain-ball but you can’t even say shit to him because you are still scared that he will tell you, “Stop whining and be a man! Us men from Ikolomani don’t whine, OK?”

So you live your life in that half-assed manner, a coward, an invertebrate, a man who settled, until a bad disease slips into your resentful and unhappy heart and one day you collapse at a different construction site with a bigger (and louder) mixer and we will all come down to Ikolomani to your funeral and mumble, “He was a kind man, he really really loved baboons.” Then go get hammered in Kisumu and catch our flights back the next day and continue with our lives.

My ramblings about Baboons aside, my very simple point is, we just have to let our children be whatever they want to be. Yes? But surely, we should draw the line when their life’s aspiration is to dance in a Nonini musical video. Ama?

It’s fine time to be a father because more of us are involved in fatherhood, even if only on social media. We stand outside jumping castles every Sunday and watch our kids squeal as they derive great joy from jumping up and down. We listen to them because we have democratised parenthood. We don’t impose our ideals on them. We take them to better schools than we attended. We might not be engaged completely as fathers, we might fail spectacularly as fathers but we try because we have great intentions. Most importantly, we kiss them goodnight. I think kissing your child goodnight will save them from dancing in a Nonini video. No, I’m serious. It gives them security. They have fewer nightmares at night because they sleep confident and safe that you are there and you will be there when they wake up and they will be just fine.

Do you know I was never kissed as a child…good night or otherwise. Come to think of it I don’t think any of my siblings were ever kissed as kids. I doubt even our neighbours were kissed by their parents. Generally, there wasn’t an awfully lot of kissing going on in the 80’s and 90’s.  I mean, who here was kissed as a child? Ati, actually kissed good night on the cheeks, or read a bedtime story, or tucked in? Hell, I wasn’t even hugged! I think most of my issues as a man (and they are many…random bouts of moodiness, impulsiveness, grand impatience, perpetually dry elbows, large forehead) stem from the fact that I wasn’t hugged or kissed or told that I was a beautiful child who they were proud of and who could do anything he sets out to do.

I would have loved to be told I was a beautiful child and that I could take over the world. I don’t think I would even be writing this blog every Tuesday, maybe I would be at John Hopkins doing something that can change humanity. You know, I suspect Obama was told by his grandmother that he was beautiful and he was kissed and tucked in at night.  Don’t even sit there grinning, pretending that  you were the child who was tucked in and kissed on the forehead in the 80’s – unless you grew up in Runda or Kile – back in the day before everybody in a VW Polo moved in.

We – the famous X-generation – is teeming with damaged people who weren’t kissed. You can find us on social media Instagramming our socks.

By the way, I wanted to write about when to stop kissing your daughter on the lips. Or if it’s even you to stop or her. Like Tamms is 7 now and she still kisses me on the lips and sometimes I feel conscious, like shy and I think maybe we should just kiss on the cheeks now because what if she never stops and I become that freak who kisses her 21 year old daughter on the lips? So I wrote a further 900 words on that, but when I woke up this morning I read the last half of that rumbling and I didn’t like it, so I highlighted it and binned it.

Then I have to go and queue and renew my passport so I don’t have time to rewrite that last half and quite honestly I don’t think there will be enough time. So I will leave this here hanging.

Otherwise, how are you?

228 Responses
  • Anitah
    18.08.2015

    Iam well biko. We all are grateful you were not kissed as a kid… Otherwise we would not have this blog.
    Awesome read… Rem, ‘men from ikolomani don’t whine’.

    • kevow
      02.11.2015

      he he he he … very true …. they dont

  • Karimi
    18.08.2015

    Good, thank you for asking.

  • aguacamina
    18.08.2015

    Am good never kissed, hugged or read bedtime stories either and my mum is the queen of handshakes. It’s a sad situation

  • jackline
    18.08.2015

    If My father ever hugs me , I am going to throw a party .

    1
  • Seraphine
    18.08.2015

    I have laughed knowingly throughout. Thank you for this, Biko. On kissing your daughter on the lips and when or who should stop, please look up Dr. Stanley Mukolwe. Amazing. Do it for yourself and the kids will inevitably benefit. Enjoy a kissy week ahead.

    1
    • Sandra
      18.08.2015

      True, Raising future parents by Dr. Stanley Mukolwe.

    • Sandra
      18.08.2015

      Otherwise I am fine. Thank God you weren’t kissed or tucked away by your parents. Where would we be without your forehead.

  • Kimutai
    18.08.2015

    Kiss her on the cheek!

  • Winnie trinny
    18.08.2015

    As usual the wordsmith has said it! But I will just sit here and pretend that I was hugged… Come to think of it I don’t like hugging people.. Am so disconnected from emotions and all that Hehe.. This explains alot.. Nice piece Biko

    • Nava
      18.08.2015

      i second this

    • Qool Joey
      19.08.2015

      OK. Now I know better!

  • Njoks
    18.08.2015

    This is so funny. I never got kissed too, I belong to that generation, never got hugged too.

  • tom osanjo
    18.08.2015

    Hahahaa! I know that feeling. I still remember that day like yesterday.After about two months in Garissa town (long before Al Shabab and the only bad people were the shifta but they didn’t come to the town) I realised that I was in the wrong profession (my parents had nothing to do it. But some chaps at a thing called the Joint Admissions Board chose for me a course I didn’t like). I woke up one morning, packed all my earthly belongings into a rucksack and boarded Garissa Express. I didn’t shout ‘I love baboons’ in the bus ride, but the freedom was intoxicating’

  • kiterunner
    18.08.2015

    Great piece. I wasnt kissed either and I think I turned out fine (like you). I am not a dad yet but this kissing business is still uncomfortable for me.

  • owira
    18.08.2015

    i think those who were kissed goodnight by their parents are the ones who refuse to leave home even at 45

    • Dickson Kemboi
      19.08.2015

      I was never hugged nor kissed but i also turned out fine. I almost agree with owira…maybe we wouldn’t have left our mothers houses

  • Wangui Muriu
    18.08.2015

    Biko!!!!!!! ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS???? You need to be hugged like a hundred times an hour. How do you just leave that at that?? Honestly, Biko, ata kama. wharrrever men!!! Arrrgggghhhh.

    • Gakii
      18.08.2015

      hehehe spot on!!!

  • Naomi
    18.08.2015

    Maybe if you were kissed (on the forehead)as a kid your forehead would have shrank and there would be nothing unique to describe you. And even worse you wouldn’t have a space to store your amazing stories. I think your forehead biko serves as the storage space for your stories. ;). Also I had missed this biko. Welcome back.

    • Ann Gardener
      18.08.2015

      Oh yes, I have missed this Biko. I am glad he is back. Keep it up. Hugs and kisses to Biko.

    • Njoki
      18.08.2015

      Hahaha..i like your thinking

    • Wait a minute, the welcoming back part, kwani Biko has not been around? because I dont remember him being away, and even if he was away, you know where to find him, at James Gichuru road doing his thing, hehe

      • bikozulu
        19.08.2015

        Hahaa. Good one, Reuben.

        • felly
          19.08.2015

          James Gichuru road….doing his thing, soon he will stop coz tamm might be reading this sooner

  • Yons
    18.08.2015

    Been kissing my lil boy on the lips. Hope to stop once he clocks two yrs. Otherwise am still onnit & we all cool. Thanks for asking:)

  • Lg
    18.08.2015

    Change humanity? Which other way than you demonstrate here every other week? This platform has changed so many lives.

    Ps. I’d kill to see this famous forehead.

  • Atieno
    18.08.2015

    Hahahahahahahaha….. 🙂

  • florence
    18.08.2015

    I never got to be kissed when I was growing up..but when I get kids in future,imma spoil them silly with love….thanks biko..keep on doing this

  • makobu
    18.08.2015

    How spooky wold it be if today you actually told your dad you love him. I think he would look at you in bewilderment and later at the local while having his sun downer, call you and tell you how unwise it is to abuse drugs especially at your age and with responsibilities….

    1
    • Cornel
      18.08.2015

      hehehe!!! I did that on phone on fathers day through text….the guy went mute for 2weeks before he recovered hehe crazy!

      • Hehehe, thats crazy, I can imagine was going through his mind about his daughter, him asking himself, ‘is it ‘hii kisomo’, men or drugs,,,”, funny. Wish my old man was around, ad play this games on him just to see how he reacts

    • Nava
      18.08.2015

      so true! and he’ll probably get the mum
      to lead a Church team for an intervention at his
      son’s place.

    • Cub Gee
      18.08.2015

      You might be surprised when he says I love you back.

    • jeff
      18.08.2015

      hehehe mine would just dismiss me and read his Bible….only later on would he ask what u meant with that….these fathers of ours

    • Milka
      19.08.2015

      I did. 5yrs ago.Its an awesome almost daily routine now. Try it. All it takes is getting over yourself..

      • Hilary
        20.08.2015

        Milka, I like that. All it takes is getting over yourself. How very true. My dad was Okonkwo. Remember Okonkwo? My dad was two of him

        • Hilary
          20.08.2015

          Urgh. Trying again.
          Milka, I like that. All it takes is getting over yourself. How very true. My dad was Okonkwo. Remember Okonkwo (TFA)? My dad was two of him. We lived in terror. It took growing for everyone, lots of tears and thoughts of therapy on my part. Anger. Bitterness. Then one day, forgiveness entered my heart and with 3 simple yet profound words, we healed. So yes. I got over myself. Don’t they say if you want the world to be a better place, start with yourself? Thanks Milka

  • posh
    18.08.2015

    Am great Biko. I agree it is a good time to be a dad. I wish my dad hugged me too. Kiss Tamms on the cheek, I kiss my son on the cheek too and it is a ritual he doesn’t take lightly.

  • pundi
    18.08.2015

    “Otherwise”? For real?

    • Hilary
      20.08.2015

      It’s good, eh, Pundi? I smiled at that. Love it

  • Tony
    18.08.2015

    All good here Biko… hehehe … a hug would never remedy that forehead though

  • oliver
    18.08.2015

    i dont know if anyone else was waiting for these as i was…it felt good reading these…better than steak… good though…biko u literally make me laugh.’baboons what?thats just crazy..big up though.Good work

  • Daisy Ogola
    18.08.2015

    Tres Bien Biko! As usual,great piece. I think most men like that you have described in this piece feel even more of what you have also described because even their wives at time, enable it. I have never been for the idea of calling a man puppy names like bubu, puppy, or just those unmanly names you will hear ordinary folk calling each other. Subconsciously,this makes mean put on a weak coat, they feel adorable and cute and thus fragile and consequently, men who never give manhood a chance. I think as women, we should call out the lions,super-mans,beast and etc in our mean lest they feel they have achieved something by simply coming home with a newspaper and breakfast for the next day. God knows complacency will be the killer of my relationships and especially marriage. I t is complacency, that makes most men idle and leads them seeking solace in the arms of these small girls.I find it ironic because even these men when they do this, they know they are chasing pavements cause all such behavior breeds is instability in his life and yet that is the very thing he has been building throughout his life. Nitawachia hapo. Good day!

    • Leah
      18.08.2015

      If calling a man bubu and puppy threatens his masculinity, big problem.

  • Muthoni
    18.08.2015

    The look I get from my folks when they see me kissing my toddler..

  • charlie
    18.08.2015

    Doing great Biko. Trying very hard not to laugh out loud at my desk. I’m in my late twenties and I must say, I’m one of those kids. My mum tucked me in at night and kissed me goodnight, and no, I didn’t grow up in one of those posh neighbourhoods, quite the contrary actually. She was simply a great mum. I completely agree with you. Showing affection to kids is important. Funny thing though, a majority of us still find it awkward to receive and give affection. We still have a little way to go in that department. 🙂

  • Joyner
    18.08.2015

    Hahahaha interesting read. It’s true we were never kissed or hugged. A firm handshake was all you got. Too easy to be an IT parent nowadays.

  • Hilda
    18.08.2015

    Fyuks…. Just when I had thought that you had forgotten about the Tuesday blogs… And you didn’t have to bin the 900 words

  • Wesh
    18.08.2015

    Hahaha…this piece is super hilarious…I can literary imagine a guy standing at a site in Ruai screaming “I love baboons” in a hopeful announcement of self-motivated freedom :). Any who even the 90’s kids never got much of kissing or hugging…unless the otherwise ones 🙂

  • Gracie
    18.08.2015

    Good read. I smiled through the whole thing. I’m lucky I got hugs & bedtime stories. The twist is that I was made to read the books…in my mother tongue. I fell asleep more from crying than enjoying what I was reading. Still, I laugh when I remember that.
    Keep writing, Biko. Unfortunately, dry elbows can’t be kissed away.

  • Lo
    18.08.2015

    I find it deeply disturbing when people kiss infants on the lips. I see it purely as first base leading to other bases that may or may not involve babies after 9months.

    And when you kiss them on the lips until they are old enough to know what is going on, you kind of validate the act. They will find it okay to kiss anyone on the lips after that. Exposing them to the risk of contracting oral herpes. Or getting to 2nd and 3rd base too early.

  • Fifi
    18.08.2015

    Aki Biko I was never kissed,all I remember is “Leta mshipi” whenever I did something wrong…..and no apologies thereafter infact u go to bed bila supper……Eeish…..good read

    • eunice
      18.08.2015

      hahaha ‘leta mshipi’

      • Kui
        19.08.2015

        ama “kuja na hiyo slippers ya green”

        • Cheryl Sylvia
          24.08.2015

          haha “slippers ya green”

      • Lilian Mutea
        11.12.2015

        Yes, for those whose fathers who were never to be seen (only heard)… You hear him and run in the opposite directions!

  • Fridah
    18.08.2015

    Great!! Change password to baboon2021!hahaha
    this has definitely made my day better.
    ps: I was never kissed goodnight as a kid. I still dance to nonini’s jams

  • Paul
    18.08.2015

    Otherwise I am good. Ashy elbows still, but I learn this is from not having been kissed as a kid. Thanks, Biko.

  • nkatha
    18.08.2015

    I was kissed by mama on the lips till I went to boarding in primary and people were looking at me funnily!!!!

    I love love this piece!!! I will be sure to tell future hubby to read this so our kids cannot get big foreheads from not being kissed and tucked in

  • mimar
    18.08.2015

    Suggest 10 must read books for me.Kindly.

    • Hellen
      19.08.2015

      Check 10 sappy books or some title of the sort or buy a girl a book. Both has great review by Biko.

  • Pattie
    18.08.2015

    i was raised in a single dad home, he had to kiss us, hug us, we wrote letters when he pissed us off {please note he was in the sitting room when we did so}. the one thing my dad never said was “i am sorry”. he would buy you chocolate but he would not say the words. a snack was his way of saying sorry. but yes, i was hugged, he said i love you and so did his brothers actually.

  • Nellyan
    18.08.2015

    Seriously…am really looking forward to the continuation.

  • Hellen Akinyi
    18.08.2015

    Doing good Biko.hahaha I wish I was kissed,damn i wish I had a dad let alone a father figure.i know I would want my kids to definitely have a dad.working on it

  • Wa Wacheke
    18.08.2015

    I am great Biko, I wasn’t kissed but I was tucked in…I wonder if you kiss Kim on the mouth after or before Tamms, eh?
    And that part you couldn’t rewrite is coming, yes?
    Great piece as always.

  • Emmanuel Taracha
    18.08.2015

    I am good Biko, thanks for asking. As always your pieces never disappoint. HahahaaI can relate. I was never kissed or hugged by my parents or my elder siblings when I was young. In fact I think it is the reason I find it hard hugging my mum or siblings because it just doesn’t feel right but for my kids I sure will. My bro has never hugged me but a few days ago he did. I was shocked and deep inside I was like “Come on bro, we don’t do that shit.” I think the way we were raised hardened us up in someway. But then again I think it is a good thing us the born 80s were not kissed or hugged because then it could have turned us to some soft, emotional, insecure and unreliable beings. For Tamms I think its you to initiate the kissing on the cheeks. Just explain to her that there is an age a girl reaches and they can no longer kiss their dad on the lips. I am sure she will understand.

  • Merci Jowi
    18.08.2015

    I am doing well Biko. I kept asking myself where this post was headed. Continue kissing her on the lips, it’s her decision to make when to turn to the cheeks.

  • June Mwangi
    18.08.2015

    You Biko have inspired me beyond what I can describe in words. I love all your writing. I especially love this blog coz of the rallying call it makes to fathers of our generation. I hope to attend your next writing masterclass.

  • Mburu
    18.08.2015

    Good read, this one!

  • Muthoni
    18.08.2015

    Great article as always Biko, I think I’m actually guilty of overwhelming my tots with hugs and kisses to compensate for the lack thereof growing up…lol she berra turn out great!

  • Vera
    18.08.2015

    Great piece Biko as always. Love and enjoy anything and everything you write.

  • She
    18.08.2015

    I was never kissed nor tucked in…but I see paps kissing my baby siz..I guess they learnt their lesson,well,given my forehead and how much I love Nonini’s jams.Thanks Biko,I’ve always wondered why they changed suddenly.

  • AMANI
    18.08.2015

    Asante Biko. Hmmm …….the bar our fathers set is absurdly low…
    i vividly recall some of the moments and at times tears run down…
    ..I mean, how hard was it to be a father in the 70’s or 80’s?
    There wasn’t any democracy… it was not there at all Biko…
    Viboko na mateke… ah Baba!

  • Eric
    18.08.2015

    So true Biko…we can definately do better. I remember tge first time my grandad hugged me, I still think he was the greatest man to ever walk this earth.

  • Josephine
    18.08.2015

    After reading this I am fantastic! Our generation was never raised on hugs and kisses, good thing we weren’t, because now we can (in future) suffocate our children with warm hugs and plenty of kisses.

  • Nate Muriuki
    18.08.2015

    I think there was a reason why we weren’t read bedtime stories. Moses in the Middle and all…we would be juves now.
    And we want that 900 words back.
    Great read as always.

    • Sheri
      18.08.2015

      Hahaha The Moses Series Rocked!

    • Nzule
      19.08.2015

      Loved the Moses series too hehe!

  • Sandra
    18.08.2015

    Kiss your kids. On the lips, on the cheek, on the forehead, on their hands…. Just kiss your kids. Period.

  • Concluded like a typical Kenyan…otherwise?

  • kate
    18.08.2015

    I don’t know I think we turned out alright.we have manners and still respect our elders.then hen Y/Z kids r changing my mind on being a democratic parent.they r having”relations”in buses now..!!maybe less kissing more spanking.

  • wambui
    18.08.2015

    Very well Biko…….. very funny, kissing your kids is great, hugs too……. esp hugs,warm lingering hugs takes away any stress the day had

  • eunice
    18.08.2015

    waiting to see the doctor.made me smile and laugh too.thanks!!

  • Allan K
    18.08.2015

    Am good Biko.I can relate to your experiences .And yes ,a lot of self esteem issues facing men today can be traced to their childhood. Great piece as always.

  • Wamboi Kay
    18.08.2015

    I was tucked in at night, but then again, I was born in ’91 and lived in Karen! 🙂
    http://www.wamboikay.com

  • feli
    18.08.2015

    Otherwise tu. Yes I was not kissed or hugged.I have a small cousin four years old who when I went to visit their place recently she kissed me on the cheek and said ‘You are small and sweet’ as thou she was this big mama. It made me a little embarrassed .Who is teaching these kids such courage.

    I quit my second job as a coke merchandiser. I just could not wake up to do it anymore. Yes the freedom it felt amazing. I felt like a new being.Yes its a free world but in one way or the other many of us are in prisons of our own making.

    • Wambui
      19.08.2015

      your niece was probably just mimicking what she is told – she is small and sweet 🙂

  • Vanessa
    18.08.2015

    Good read

  • Anne
    18.08.2015

    Awesome read. Love every bit of it. Thank you for making my Tuesday afternoon although nilihave kijificha kwa corner nisiulizwe kama nimechizi.

  • Maureen
    18.08.2015

    Oh my,this is nostalgic, Biko you should be a Film Director…actually i garnered enough courage to hug my granny, who was my sole parent at 23, at my graduation!!! Aaawkward!

  • Risper
    18.08.2015

    Great piece Biko. Loling in the office and everyone thinks i must be smoking something potent. I digress….what is the appropriate response to otherwise?? Is it even a salutation, statement, point, exclamation…personally otherwise is responded to with likewise. there is normally a very loud n awkward silence when i do that. Hugs n kisses to you Biko.

  • cheryl
    18.08.2015

    ” Hell, I wasn’t even hugged! I think most of my issues as a man (and they are many…random bouts of moodiness, impulsiveness, grand impatience, perpetually dry elbows, large forehead) stem from the fact that I wasn’t hugged or kissed or told that I was a beautiful child who they were proud of and who could do anything he sets out to do.”
    that just got me.great piece,P.S. I was kissed and hugged,90’s baby.

  • liz
    18.08.2015

    Am good Biko. But I can promise you that we from the 80’s and 90’s who weren’t kissed on the forehead or tacked in have more stamina and courage to take the world in. The kids now days are the ones with issues and fragile spirits. I agree in letting them choose there paths though but with a limit to how far off the road they can go.
    Great read as always.

  • Hattie
    18.08.2015

    Kiss them on the cheeks and only mummy can kiss her on the lips.

  • ndiransh
    18.08.2015

    But with your forehead they’d have been lying if they said you were beautiful, no?

  • Muturi
    18.08.2015

    “You are very special to me. Your success is my success.”
    That’s the closest I came to being kissed, in a message by dad on a hand
    deliered success card for my KCPE.

  • Muthoni
    18.08.2015

    Hahaha “I think kissing your child goodnight will save them from dancing in a Nonini video.”
    I’ll make a point to always kiss my daughter goodnight.

  • Indimuli
    18.08.2015

    I’m good, ‘that guy’, just instagramming my tie. See you Sato, hopefully no baboons to save in Karura forest.

  • isaac
    18.08.2015

    bwana Biko, i feel both uplifted and terrified, uplifted by the realization that i have company in my deeply seated resentment of construction sites but terrified at the prospect of having to suffer the same trajectory of events (but without the luxury car, “partner” on the office door or a bright-eyed toothy millennial waiting for me to buy her a phone.

    But yes, its different being a daddy today. My dad had his own seat (throne) in the house, own diet and no apologies to make for meting out disagreeable forms of punishment, while I have to contend with residual rights to the remote, mandatory high-fiber diets and forced to sit through kindergarten open-days to see just how my kids have drawn “completely amazing” crap using an orange crayon.

    But I bet even our dads had something to complain about, so let’s be grateful.

  • Qui
    18.08.2015

    Am well! Always looking forward to reading a piece From you! 🙂 once a week ain’t enough

  • Faith
    18.08.2015

    hahahahaha…..Biko you are just funny.

  • Evans
    18.08.2015

    Someone asked that I read this article. Against my better judgement, I agreed but only confirmed tl why I don’t read S.B. They are a whole load of crap. Learnt nothing new. WPs. I couldn’t read past the first sentence in all the paragraphs. sorry.

    • Blackbeauty
      19.08.2015

      How did you get to the comment section?Well people are entitled to their opinion but i suggest you read first then give an opinion ‘otherwise’it becomes invalid.IMO

      • Evans
        19.08.2015

        One day you will serendipitously discover. It’s called the ‘scroll’ button.

    • Hilary
      20.08.2015

      Evans. Why now?

      • Hilary
        20.08.2015

        Evans, here is a kiss on the lips 😉

        • Evans
          20.08.2015

          yuck..

    • Mihas
      20.08.2015

      You were clearly not hugged. You are in good company but am not hugging you.

  • Matilda
    18.08.2015

    We – the famous X-generation – is teeming with damaged people who weren’t kissed. You can find us on social media Instagramming our socks. hahahhahahahahhahahahahahaha

  • Kelvin Ex
    18.08.2015

    And thus you leave us hanging..but hey,i was that guy who never received a kiss,a hug…or so i don’t remember if any!but hey.The good times were the 80’s i loved my childhood still!

  • Betty
    18.08.2015

    Nice read Biko, hilarious as usual. My father has hugged me twice. Once when I cleared high school and the second time was last month when I graduated. I suspect the next time will be on my wedding day that is if I ever get to have one

  • Ruitururi
    18.08.2015

    well done biko a nice read I must say! kisses and hugs I only see them in the movies! The only person I saw my dad hug was my younger brother and its because he was damn sick! Hahaha

  • Vic
    18.08.2015

    My dad hugs my mum like he’s holding a rugby ball. We are just ok not hugging and sijui kissing.

  • Chus
    18.08.2015

    You even change your passwords to “Baboon!2021. 
    **Dead!!!!!**

  • earnest hasssan
    18.08.2015

    nice read Biko

  • Risper
    18.08.2015

    I was never hugged, or kissed. Not eveven on my wedding day. I keep saying the day my Meru father will say the words I love you, sorry or give me a hug…I will just ask what the doctor said.

  • Ian
    18.08.2015

    I was neither kissed nor hugged but I share the same sentiments as you

  • joan
    18.08.2015

    Great read as always. Still give my two and a half y.o like a million kisses on his lips before the day ends.

  • Jerome onyango
    18.08.2015

    I love the word ‘angst’.it was a common read in your Mantalk columns way back in 2010!I Was a form two and all I loved was new words.

  • Sue
    18.08.2015

    Am well….thanks for asking. I was kissed and hugged but I guess my folks felt kidogo guilty for sending me off to boarding school at age 9. Hhmmm……do those hugs n kisses count? By the way do a piece on boarding school and its effects on the very young souls…..am sure there must be some effect worth writing about. I should know, waah. Anyways…..awesome piece as usual.

    • Allan K
      19.08.2015

      I second.

  • Tony
    18.08.2015

    Biko, Biko, Biko, I love baboons…..nice read.

  • birgen
    18.08.2015

    Been hugged Just once by my old man, and boy It was épic..kisses,Never ever..owise, am good too

  • clement ndege
    18.08.2015

    Biko is back. Baboons? Just asking man.

  • Vero
    18.08.2015

    Hahahahaa gosh…hilarious, dry elbows though??? Special problem this one
    I’m well, thanks for asking

  • Mutesi
    18.08.2015

    Very nice, Biko. But I’m seriously concerned that 40 is when it starts going downhill. That soon?! Lol! As I ponder on that, this is me totally loving on my kids. Those little people get lots and lots of kisses, hugs and quality time… Such a fun read.

  • Cub Gee
    18.08.2015

    Hugs and kisses all around! It never happened as a kid, but now that I’m older and the folks are older, there are lots of hugs and kisses and I love you’s going around!

  • Sam Oloo
    18.08.2015

    I’m good Biko. How about we organise for a kissing day. Would make up for all the years we were never kissed. Millenials needn’t worry. They get it a lot. Still.Thank heavens Biko for your unkissed forehead;we revel in what it churns man. Lovely piece.

  • Gladys kimani
    18.08.2015

    This is a stark reality. Growing up without emotions is tough on today’s kenyan adults. Thank God our kids are teaching us fun stuff like kissing and hugging and tucking them in at night.

  • jeff
    18.08.2015

    First i have those perpetually dry elbows and some other effects of no kissing and tucking in……secondly, i dread the thought of telling my dad how much i love him…..it would definitely amount to bad manners and would be met by the cliche ‘chuma yako iko motoni’

  • Wamazke
    18.08.2015

    As in like for real?? Thaz the end?? Bwahahaha!

  • Rachael
    18.08.2015

    Ati tucked in at night and a goodnight kiss! Stahp! By who? Daddy? So that news passes him by?
    Our parents (80’s kids) were not about the emotions, they were (and still are) about ‘their ways’. To date, I cannot have an opinion that trumps my fathers. So if we are having an animated discussion, he has to have the final say – that’s how it is.
    If I had a magic wand, I’d take us all back, and spew emotion (I lack a better word) dust on our folks and get them to actually show their love in deed, and not random words in a success card or a birthday card.

    #EmotionalMuch

  • Ythera
    18.08.2015

    I grew up in the 90s and I was kissed and hugged by both my parents when they came home from work…everyday. And no I didn’t grow up in Runda or Kile, I grew up in Eastlands… and not “babi” Eastlands like Buruklyn. It did create a strong sense of security such that in my teens and campus year, I didn’t chase after men (my age or my father’s age) for affirmation. I am grateful to God for my parents and I hope to translate the same to my kids.

  • ndete gitau
    18.08.2015

    omg this is just so real.TOTES!!!!!
    It’s hilarious and factual at the same time.
    I love it! thumbs up!

  • Beth Waithaka
    18.08.2015

    Oh my… Yaani! I can’t get enough of your works! You’re a word genius, my goodness! Keep it up. I wasn’t hugged and kissed but I was tucked in… and I was loved to bits. I’m a sucker for hugs and kisses so I shall definitely pour it on my kids. They’ll probably write this article in reverse—parents should go easy on the kisses!Those are reserved for their future spouses, or the many frogs they’ll kiss before they find their prince.
    Thanks Biko! Good laugh

  • M J
    18.08.2015

    we just have to let our children be whatever they want to be. Yes? But surely, we should draw the line when their life’s aspiration is to dance in a Nonini musical video or RIDDIM n DANCEHALL videos. I think x-generation fathers must read, understand, maybe add some more of this coz their kids are losing direction from here(mostly from age 10)

  • kioi
    18.08.2015

    I’m fine and you?my sons hug me and i love and apprecite the hugs.people look at us weirdly but i dont mind them.wonderful post as usual.good to have you back.

  • Selly
    18.08.2015

    Hahahaha hilarious!! I don’t remember you having that forhead…or it grew with age!? Hugs and kisses then 🙂

  • Winnie Kenneth
    19.08.2015

    Good one Biko, no I have never been kissed or hugged, but since I have not intagrammed my socks yet, I guess I am still okay .

  • Kevin
    19.08.2015

    Amazing read and straight on point.

  • Bree
    19.08.2015

    Fine time to be a daddy…. might also be a fine time to be a mummy… 🙂 I wonder what the world would be like if we were all kissed and hugged and read for bedtime stories….

    Great read Biko… long live the forehead!!!

    • Mihas
      20.08.2015

      We would be pathetically mushy. Personally I cant stand people with so much emotion, girls who keep hugging other girls and men who cry over love. I cant stand that much emotion, it would have been weird.We would be a bunch of sissies.

  • Eva Kiruthi
    19.08.2015

    told my Dad “I love you”on fathers day via txt,old man never replied…hahahha..their parents messed them up,now they’ve messed us up too,coz I’m so detached from my emotions but is all good

  • Sonia
    19.08.2015

    Ha ha Biko nice article. I’m a 90’s baby and I must say my dad was a special dad. we were raised in South B and my dad as the coolest. he tucked us in and made sure to check in on us coz we had this habit of kicking off the sheets when we slept. He is a dad who allowed us to go to Carnivore those days when Super Soul was the inthing and he made sure that we had enough cash for fare and a drink so that we would not have to rely on anyone. He also loved us to bits and truth be told I’m much the better for it because I knew that I was loved. Rest in peace with the angels Mr. Simon Gakuru Ng’ang’a..

  • GK
    19.08.2015

    What do you know, I love baboons too! I wasn’t hugged, kissed or tucked in either, there was too many of us for this to be practical. But I understand why the man from Ikolomani stayed put, it takes real courage to change horses in mid-stream especially when you can’t swim and are carrying plenty of luggage.

  • faith kamau
    19.08.2015

    …pissed.

  • Emily
    19.08.2015

    I am doing fine Biko.That piece just got me laughing. I think some of my issues might also arise from the fact that I wasn’t kissed and tucked in by my parents…But I haven’t gotten to the “socks” thing, so I think I turned out better than expected.The article is such a nice read.Thank you.

  • Eddie
    19.08.2015

    As a person who was never hugged or kissed I say ket’s declare lack of kissing and hugging a national disaster and immediately put measures to mitigate this! My mum cringes whenever I try to hug her to this day!

    As one who “loves baboons” and was able to walk away from the “construction site” for ever, I find this article powerful and recommend it to all! Follow your hearts Kenyans!

  • Eva
    19.08.2015

    I agree absolutely, Biko. To this day, my parents consider a hug to be very wierd and talking to us the height of lunacy. Have you noticed the failure to teach? Many of our parents’ generation were teachers yet most felt no need at all to teach us anything. I think that should be a requirement for every parent today. We should all teach the next generation as much as we can and try to kill the cold, control freak within us that says your children are here to serve and obey.

  • eric m
    19.08.2015

    Chief, back then kissing was kinda insane, we were supposed to grow up strong & hardened. No one kissed me, even the dry wind in shagz avoided my head and just crept away.
    Kissing a child was simply a no-no, tabia mbaya! period!
    On that note Biko, how about we start a kissing day in Kenya and push for it to be gazetted as a national holiday?
    On this day, random kissing & hugging will be allowed even in shagz

    • Mihas
      20.08.2015

      hahaha random kissing day. You truly were not hugged, I wasn’t either but if this day comes, I doubt there will be anything like random, folks will stalk people to give “random” kises. It would be chaos.

    • Ciku
      14.10.2015

      i second!

  • Ali
    19.08.2015

    If I ever meet You Biko I would hug you tightly so I can get my 30 something worth of missed hugs.

  • Ciru
    19.08.2015

    Have you watched Meet Joe Black?
    The father doesn’t stop kissing the daughters.
    I don’t think it’s creepy.
    You’re the Father. At least your intentions are good.

  • Gathoni
    19.08.2015

    What is all this business about kisses? My dad made sure my school fees was always paid and on time. He attended every single parents and prize-giving day and was never late. Being the good father that he is he never showed up empty handed. He missed visiting day only once but was in school the following day to see me. We would take the bus home on closing day and we always stopped at a restaurant in town to have lunch.
    We had a roof over our heads and clothes on our back. No one ever messed with his four daughters because he was that dad who would come for you. I am 29 and live in a different county and he will still hunt you down if you touch a hair on my head. He always wakes up to walk us to the stage if we leave the house before 6:30 a.m. and always picks us up if we arrive past 7 o’clock at night. Now that is security.
    He was home everyday by seven p.m. to do homework with us. Taught us to never leave the house without a clean white handkerchief. He always keeps an extra clean unused one for when we forget. You should have seen him cleaning our eyes at the bus stop on our way to church.
    I am yet to meet a man who makes better pancakes than my father. Yes, he cooks for his family and he says it has never made him any less of a man. He tried to teach me how to make ugali but I just wasn’t cut out for it. The other three girls caught on; you cannot win them all. He can’t sleep if there are dishes in the sink. I hate doing dishes at night. He found a way around it. He would wash and I rinse as we caught up on the events of the day. He taught me a lot of life lessons at the kitchen sink and I never stand at one without thinking of him and recalling the words of wisdom he shared with me.
    When my sister was getting married he said he cannot put a price on his daughter; she is priceless.
    He has never kissed me, I hugged him for the first time after my first term in form one. It was awkward, arms were everywhere nothing like the smooth Obama hug. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good. He was shocked. I didn’t care. We are getting better at the hugs; practice makes perfect. The kisses might not happen anytime soon or ever at all and they don’t even have too. It will not change the fact that I know he loves and cares for me.
    He turned 57 years this month, I called him and sang to him happy birthday.I could tell he was deeply touched. My next big plan is to buy him a nice car, he has this old jalopy that has almost killed us on several occasions and breaks down in the most inappropriate places. It’s a miracle that it even starts. I don’t own a car myself but I will walk for as long as it takes until he has a decent ride. Anything for Papa.
    Dad taught me two things about parenting; first, make time for your children. If you don’t have time to raise children don’t get any. Secondly, parenting is not for cowards he borrowed this quote from James Dobson. Never understood how it applies but it has a lot to do with him saying no when he needs to even if we pout and cry a river. And we are talking four girls here.
    His favorite quote about fatherhood, “Being a dad is not an elective position, you cannot vote me out”.
    If I can summarize my dad’s life in one sentence – it would be a man who did everything possible to be a good Christian and a hero to his family.There are many men in this country who are celebrated at the bar,in church, in corporate circles even in the world but have nothing to show for it at home. When you die, the friends at the bar and in church will quickly find a new buddy and brother, your job will be advertised before your body leaves the mortuary and the world will trash your trophies and sell them on OLX or ebay. Does anyone know, off the top of their head who was the richest man in the 60s,70s,80s maybe?
    The older generation of men was loving. Their love was different but it doesn’t mean they loved any less.
    The new generation of men is loving. Their love is different but it doesn’t mean that they love more.

    2
    • Savvy
      19.08.2015

      Couldn’t have put it better.

    • Stella Kwamboka
      19.08.2015

      Gathoni I need to say that your father and the very few like him get a standing ovation. This comment is the only one that has got my attention.

    • nimo
      19.08.2015

      My father hugged me once 4 years ago on the day my mother…his wife passed away! Now he is gone too…. I am well biko, thanks for asking

    • Cowboy Makara
      19.08.2015

      You really had it good. Appreciate him.

    • bikozulu
      20.08.2015

      This was beautiful. Insightful.

    • evans
      20.08.2015

      Wow, this is beautiful & as one whose father was absent throughout my childhood; let me just say, your dad is to be fully respected, appreciated & honored.

    • Bernard
      20.08.2015

      WOW! thats all I can say.Finally some kind and truthful words about dads and men.Am touched by the way you have put it.WOW.I will save this and re-read it.Now thats what we call a father figure and its fullness.

    • Nellyan
      20.08.2015

      Now this is better than being hugged and kissed everyday. Treasure him. And please get him that car

    • Wahu
      20.08.2015

      That was so touching Gathoni…I’ve shed tears over that.You had a perfect Dad anyone would wish for.Mine left us when i was 5yrs. Am now 20 and i can’t tell what it is like to have a dad. Pray for yours and thank God for such a wonderfu blessing

    • Aisha
      20.08.2015

      Love the way you write. Really well written.

    • tabitha
      27.08.2015

      this describes my dad, their ways of expressing love is different but this doesn’t mean that they love us any less. this has made me cry and I know my dad loves me to bits but he’s hugged me only once in our entire lives

    • Ciku
      14.10.2015

      Wow….appreciate that man in every way possible. he gave you more that kisses and hugs. reading this as a woman who never had a chance to have father is….. i don’t have the words….. but i am happy another man (my grandfather – the father in my life) stood in the gap and did a lot for me.

  • Atijals
    19.08.2015

    Superb, that forehead has serious brain matter … keep up Biko

  • Faith Chemutai
    19.08.2015

    Aweeeeeeeeeeesome piece. Loved it

  • Mackel9
    19.08.2015

    I think you captured what any person above 25 reflects on every time, Am I on the right path, is this my calling is this my purpose in life, will I get to 40 and be running after some young girl in a hostel somewhere… Great post Biko

  • Wanjira
    19.08.2015

    Intriguing themes but the piece yells lazy.Contrary to most of your work,you did not invest generously here.(reminds me of the Charles Njonjo interview,lacklustre.)

    • Suckafree
      17.09.2015

      Agree. That Njonjo interview had so much potential..but this one is alright

  • Savvy
    19.08.2015

    I have sadly, instagrammed my socks before.

  • mdaleene
    19.08.2015

    Wait, 7′ old on the lips?! That’s so incest meeen!

    • Wambui
      20.08.2015

      Don’t be mean! its just a kiss and she is only 7. I think its cute

  • wanja
    19.08.2015

    nice read!! and thank God you were not kissed or told you were a beautiful child then we wouldn’t be reading all this witty articles…

  • Winnie
    19.08.2015

    Really Biko? Baboons!!

  • Callie
    19.08.2015

    Wish I was kissed and hugged and read to bedtime stories.
    I would be more compassionate to baboons!

  • Lena
    19.08.2015

    Maybe if i was kissed my elbows wouldnt be as dry….
    Lakini Biko, what is the exact diameter/Circunference of this your forehead you keep talking about….ebu give us dimensions…

  • Dero Azin Derick
    19.08.2015

    ROTF…I love baboooooons.

  • GenderAnalyst
    20.08.2015

    You may not have been kissed, but, you are changing humanity not through medicine but with words.

  • KAREN
    20.08.2015

    Never got a kiss
    Got a hug once or twice
    But i know my dad loves me so much and its all that counts

  • Bernard
    20.08.2015

    Am good Biko, excellent work as always.And the part you mention about Kisumu is true.My city my residence.A cool place to be in.I can’t wait for the next piece.

  • harriet owalla
    20.08.2015

    Am fine biko zulu..extra excited after reading your blog…you inspire me to write..am one of the 80s kids who was hugged by their dad lol and told goodnight lol…and i knew that my daddy loves me

  • Wahu
    20.08.2015

    I wasn’t kissed but i think i was tucked in…Doing a course you never wanted sucks.That’s what am doing!…great piece Biko..next time turn your face and let her kiss your cheek.then laugh. She’ll think it’s cool and will do the same to you next time.

  • Khalibitsi
    20.08.2015

    I cant lie but i love your work.I was kissed and tacked into bed in the 80s and 90s. And kindly stop kissing her as a daddy’s girl i know the effects.

  • Wangechi
    20.08.2015

    I am well Biko…..and wondering why it had to be baboons.If I was an elephant I would feel very snobbed.

  • Boni
    21.08.2015

    Imagine had our parents allowed us to follow all our hearts desires!….am sure most of us would never look back without flinching at some decisions and being grateful to our parents for making some of the choices that brought us here.

  • Kara
    21.08.2015

    I was hugged, for the first time after i passed my KCPE. I think ot was instinctive coz he was standing next to me. Ama coz of the realization that the fees he paid wasnt wasted.

  • Gladys
    21.08.2015

    Biko, great piece! You have made me realize that my folks set the parenthood bar pretty high! My siblings and I were born in the 80s and raised in the village. Mum kissed us, hugged us, sang lullabies and tucked us to bed till we became teenagers. May I add that we were never canned and we had our feet washed by the help till we went to high school :)! Dad bought us the bedtime stories series books to read for ourselves. Most importantly, he wrote us letters and never did a birthday go by without him presenting a birthday card. I never heard him out rightly declare his love for us, but we saw it through his actions. I’ll definitely smother my kids with kisses and hugs.
    We turned out right I think-neither of us has dry elbows nor big foreheads…tihihihi.

  • abdullah omar
    21.08.2015

    wanted to give missus a peck on the cheek on my way out to work and wacha ujinga mbele ya watoto and shoved me out

  • Janet
    21.08.2015

    I never got kissed but atleast we got a hug from our dad on three very special occassions

  • James
    21.08.2015

    Come to think of it,instagramming your socks is quite an issue..great piece Bz.

  • NSTLG
    22.08.2015

    Never commented..but this is such a delicious moment, I just have to! Saturday brunch (Ok lunch but its my first meal of the day and ‘brunch’ just sounds fancier) on some balcony reading this awesomely funny and precise post..just delicious! Go Biko!

  • Nancy Kinyanjui
    22.08.2015

    As a medical practitioner and mother to two girls and a boy, I would recommend that a girl from age 4 years should be kissed on the cheeks. Kissing a girl on her lips of your daughter’s age is not advisable.

  • Aisha
    22.08.2015

    Grew up in the village n hugged my mom…never my dad! Was never kissed by either of them but dad tucked us in. Thats the best memory i have of the great guy! RIP
    Wonderful article Biko, thank u!!

  • Muthoni
    23.08.2015

    Biko, have you ever thought of screenwriting? I honestly think you would give Seth MacFarlane a run for his money!

  • Achieng'
    23.08.2015

    Great read. The forehead is cool too. Am awesome too, thank you for asking.

  • adeh
    23.08.2015

    awesome loved it. Please rate my writing skills. Thank you.

  • adeh
    23.08.2015

    awesome, I mean, I loved it. Please rate my writing skills. Thank you.

  • Muniu
    23.08.2015

    So, I am sitting here pretending to be the kid who got kisses and hugs before bed, but on further probing, I believe I am just a dreamer and the dreams might actually give me nightmares when I sleep. So I will stop right now. Great piece Bikozulu.

  • Jacy sherrie
    26.08.2015

    Hahahahahaha!! reading this in the office and i have laughed from start to end.You are so funny and i hope i get to meet you one day biggest fan.I too i guess i wasn’t kissed i attribute my fivehead to that lol! OH and i guess i wont stop kissing my son do it all the time.

  • liz
    26.08.2015

    My dad never kissed us or hugged us.and who heard of that in 70s and 80s.but all i remember is that under all that harshness there was love.if we were walking at night he would tiny hand in a firm grip annd you woul know you are safe.That i remember more thanand when i haeld that hand for the last time in chiromo mortury andbid him farewell,after he collapsed and died,on 30/12/2014,i was greatful to God that i at least i had a dad to raise me.so maybe even if ypu cant hug or kiss your kids,hold their hands.

  • Daudi
    26.08.2015

    Biko,
    The placement of the exclamation mark in the password Baboons!2021 smacks of resignation to a fate watching mixers in Ruai doing their thing.
    Clearly you found your baboon! \o/
    Otherwise niko poa, cheers.

  • Nzi
    16.09.2015

    Hah! Ian kuja hapa! Here is somebody else who asks…’ otherwise, how are you?’ At the e nd of a conversation….and you thought I was weird! Lolololol! I love it!

  • Suckafree
    17.09.2015

    Biko…I was one of those who was kissed goodnight…I also grew up in Runda…yet I still Instagram my socks..wtf?

  • Eric
    18.09.2015

    Spot on Biko.My single mum has hugged me precisiely three times i can remember. First after KCPE, second after KCSE for scoring a C in maths in an extended family where getting D+ in the subject was cause for billy the goat to join his ancestors and on my wedding day partly i suspect because finally some poor woman had the courage to say yes to her son who had been showing no signs of doing the right thing and honouring her long years of service at the ubiquitous women’s guild of PCEA Bahati martyrs church. Telling her i love her will inevitably involve Dr Frank Njenga

  • Gracie
    18.09.2015

    My dad hugged, read for us and tucked us in but with the “leta hio mshipi” moments in equal measure. Today, I have mad respect for him and I love him to bits!! Great piece this is Biko! Reminds me of this song by Bob Carlitse, even points out your “where to kiss” dilemma! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwlAdEnT-do

  • Vincent
    21.09.2015

    Great piece Bikozulu!

  • Liv
    24.09.2015

    I was gonna agree with you, then i remebered, my dad (who is the grandfather of all hardasses)used to pick me up when i was a kid and hug me tightly. But then when i got to class eight, it got wierd, at least in my head, and i stopped running to him whenever he came home. Sometimes he would be around for a whole week and i wouldnt even wanna see him. And it continued untill, well, now. When i did my O levels, the best he could do was a distant handshake. When i did my A levels and passed, he said ‘why should i congratulate you for doing what i paid all that money for you to do in the first place’. And that was that. After that, it really didnt matter. Why does this mess with my head now that am thinking about it?

  • Tess Kuri
    25.09.2015

    Im Awesome!!Amazing piece!!i stumbled across your blog…and ended up reading 5 blogs…i cant remember the last time i laughed so hard…your play on words is hilarious…but reality.I am totally the ‘baboon guy’ who didnt back out from the baboon dream..and as a parent myself…the kissing and hugging needs to be carried on by us…though the same questions were going through my mind (when to switch to cheek kissing 🙂 )ill keep here to see if you found a solution..

  • Rosalie
    07.10.2015

    I once got a kiss and was told i love you by my dad.Never forget

  • Ayan
    07.10.2015

    Just randomly decided to start reading your blog during a slow day at work and man am I happy with my decision. I love your posts on fatherhood, mostly because it gives me insight into what my father went (and still is) going through…having raised 3 daughters. Will definitely subscribe to your blog now…hilarious posts.

  • Ciku
    14.10.2015

    I am very fine knowing that i am not the only who made a judgement about what or how they look like by themselves, infornt of mirrors without a reaffirmation from a parent. but i am fine…the closer i got to a parents’ kiss was on my graduation day when my grandfather(the father in my life) hugged me, it felt weird….. very….and of freedom, i refused to make a trip to the west, i still do not know if i was right or wrong but point is, my heart was/is not THERE!

  • Anna
    27.10.2015

    Biko you always make my day. Best read ever. I need to show my daughter’s dadthis article

  • Nancy
    20.11.2015

    If My father ever hugs me , I don’t know what I will do .

  • blazing_cold
    09.12.2015

    Don’t stop kissing your daughter on the lips, it’ll make her wonder why you stopped it. “Don’t you love her anymore?” Plus she’s still a baby.

    I think that will come naturally from her. At some point, she’ll start feeling “all grown up” and conscious about it, at 11 or thereabouts.

  • Fionah Komusana
    23.12.2015

    Hahahaha very funny.. Your right the bar is pretty low. The not kissing is the less horrible part. The most horrible being daddy dearest getting a gold medal from that marathon called “Parent Takeoff” when you’re 13 & showing up when he hears you got into law school to tell you that you can’t go because well he knows about all your hopes & dreams.
    Nice rant.. Am a fan

  • Wango
    24.12.2015

    Can we throw a dad-must-kiss-son-and-daughter-goodnight kissing party already???

  • Njoki
    08.01.2016

    I was kissed… a lot… and it’s not by who your corrupted thoughts are leading you to believe. It was by the good ol’ folks. I also have a picture of mismatched socks on Instagram. I was overly kissed I guess. I should maybe check for leaking pipes and what not in my system? Anyway, Jesus is for me.

  • King Muindi
    08.03.2016

    To be present in the life of your kid is the most priceless present you can give them. Desiring for my present to be felt each day for my five beautiful kids.

  • Kui
    28.05.2016

    I know its almost over an year since you wrote the article…#my 2cents anyway
    Do stop the lip kissing thing….or she will be giving a ka kiss to a kaboy at school
    and that will be your next parent/teacher meeting (if it hasn’t already happened already)…
    Little boy is 6months,i do cheek kisses more….it’s hard,but…I choose to

  • Kevin Nyalle
    27.07.2017

    My daughter was 8 months when I first read this. She’s almost a 3 year old now…Tamms should be almost 10, and that post of father/daughter lip-kissing never came (as far as I know). Please post it before my daughter starts school and I have to leave her high and dry when she screams at me ‘daddy chum’, her lips puckered, and I have to pretend I don’t know her.

  • Kissed, hugged and spoilt rotten.
    Can’t say I turned out okay…hehehe…I have this trait..I have to have my way. Submission…very difficult.
    Adulting has been very very hard.

  • […] such. Like putting me to bed and kissing me goodnight on the forehead, the cheeks or on the lips as Biko Zulu does to her daughter and wondering when is the right time to actually stop doing that. Haha. […]

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *