Letter To My 20-Year Old Self

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Hi, Biko.

 

It’s fine if you don’t know. It’s fine if you don’t have a plan. It’s fine if you are the only one who doesn’t seem to know where your life is headed. There is a TV series you will watch in your 30’s called The Boardwalk Empire where Blaise Pascal is quoted; All humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room. Sometimes there are no solutions, at least not immediate ones, so all you have to do is sit it out. Things will sometimes work themselves out when you do nothing. Don’t sweat it. Have a banana.

 

At 31 years of age you will make an unlikely friendship with someone who sells eggs. One evening you will be called by the barman at Azalea that you need to move your car and you will step out to find him hot under the collar because you are the idiot who blocked his exit. These are days you will drink red wine like a precious guy in touch with his feelings. Unkind words will be exchanged in short spurts and while leaving in a hurry, he will scratch your bonnet because you didn’t bother to move your car too far and numbers will be exchanged because he has to fix your car the next week. A friendship will ensue. As it turns out, he  – Justus – will be the one to save you one day when you are 35 and you are backed up against a wall and you need a tiny sum to get you off a pressing crisis. Some solid relationships will be born of conflicts.

 

Time is sand in wind. It will literally dissolve. Save. Don’t start saving when you get a better paying job. There will never be a better paying job. Or gig. Save. Be an ant. It’s not the amount you put away, but a discipline you will be building. Save because as sure as death and taxes, winter is coming.

 

At 33 you will work very briefly for a very nasty mixed-race couple. Terrible, terrible human beings. You will feel so tired going to work in the morning and even more tired leaving work. One of them – the husband – will often write you deranged emails in caps.

 

DEAR BIKO, I HAVEN’T RECEIVED COPY FROM YOU AND IT’S GOING TO 6PM!!!!! WHY???????  DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU THAT WE ARE RUNNING LATE WITH THIS PROJECT AND IF THIS DEADLINE ISN’T MET BECAUSE OF THIS LACK OF COMMITMENT TO THESE DEADLINES, THERE WILL HAVE TO BE REPERCUSSIONS!!!! (The exclamations and questions marks would exhaust me more than the emails)

 

Sometimes he will shout through the glass-wall that separates your office from his, an overgrown wazzock, throwing his toys out of his pram. You will never have a job that fills your heart with such hate and loathing. One evening, as you work late, things will come to a boil and you will finally grow a pair and stand up to him. A furious shouting match with him will ensue and his face will turn red as you shout into each other’s faces and you will want nothing better than to smash his head through the glass partitioning. A week later you will write a resignation letter in a flight to Mombasa and when you land you will press send and suddenly you will feel lighter. You will be fearful of the future because you will be a father. But from this couple from hell you will learn something vital; the importance of self-worth and peace of mind. Some jobs diminish you as a human being, filling you with poison, making you feel small. It’s not worth it. You will also learn that you will be fine. And that things work out, eventually.

 

Nobody will tell you not to get married before 30. At 30 you won’t know yourself. Unfortunately marriage isn’t an institution where you find yourself. It’s unfair to the other party.

 

At 38 a man at airport security will take away your lotion because it’s over 100mls. You will say, “Look, man, come on, please, it’s only Aveeno, it’s new and I just bought it.” He will just shrug and say rules are rules. “Come on, cut me some slack, I can’t possibly blow up a plane with it, look at me I’m black! We hate loud things!” He will laugh and toss it into a metallic can with the rest of the guilty lotions and liquids. You will be so sad. Then you will tell everybody about it. Everybody. Oh, the bad man took away my lotion. Let it go. Nobody cares.

 

At 28-years you will meet and work for a phenomenal man called Mr. Ehsani who owns an upmarket mall. He will be a very nice and calm man who collects exotic swords from all over the world and hangs them on a wall behind his massive desk. He will be important because, apart from being wise and generous with pearls of advice, this is the man who will give you an interest free loan to buy your first car. You know how first cars are, you will want to sleep in it. And when you get called for a new job with a magazine, you will spend two agonising weeks gathering the courage to tell him that you are quitting his company which you will later realise wasn’t necessary because when you finally tell him he will be very gracious and supportive about it. There are people you will work for/ with, decent human beings full of compassion, and many years later if these guys call you asking for a favour in the dead of the night, you will not think twice about putting on your shoes. It’s true, people forget what you said or did, but never how you made them feel.

 

Nobody is born confident. Confidence is like how those Kisiis build their homes in Ongata Rongai; brick by brick while they sleep in one of the rooms. They build it from the inside. Confidence is built from the inside, never the outside. So fill yourself with things that build you.

 

Of course you will be heartbroken. At some point. There is always that woman who will crush you. Long legs. Ass like a rainbow. When she breaks your heart everything will hurt. You will even feel the hurt when you brush your teeth. You will not want to wake up in the morning. You will not draw the curtains, you will  just lie in bed in that darkness, with your heart feeling like a dog ate half of it and then got bored. Good news is it won’t last for more than two weeks. Then one day you be will fine. You will draw the curtains again. There will be girls. Better girls. OK, not all, some will wear bad knickers. Everything heals. Everything.

 

At 26 you will take up the best habit of your life; running. Running will empty your mind. It will teach you discipline. It will refresh you and keep you fit. It will also help with your hard-ons. You will meet other runners and forge friendships. Most importantly it will keep your heart young and strong.

 

You have to be in theater to see them born. One will come at 30-years. A girl. You will stare at her feet as she lies there covered in goo under that heater that doubles as weighing scale; 4.35kgs. While shopping for her abroad you will constantly be placing the flat of your palms against the sole of a shoe because their feet grow so fast. She will steal your heart. Another one will come at 36. A boy. Big eyes. Happiest things ever. This one will steal your soul. Problem with children is that they will fill you with deep worry in equal measures as they do with love. They leave you constantly afraid. Fatherhood is a bed of fear. You can take all manner of insurances for them, to protect them, but you always remain helpless with respect to other elements like terminal diseases or accidents or people touching them inappropriately. There is no insurance against terribly horny boys who want to impregnate your daughter at 14. Or lewd psychotic men who stare at 13-year old girls.

 

Just before you turn 40 you will choose yourself first. You will choose you above everything else and your closest and dearest will think you are crazy and selfish and mad.  And for a while guilt will jump into bed with you every night and you will sleep with the lights on because in darkness guilt occupies more space. But then one day you will switch off the lights and you will sleep.

 

You won’t own a house at 40. Or a cabin by the lake. You won’t be a multi-millionaire. Most of the plans you had for life won’t have happened at 40. Sorry. You will be a working man, making ends meet, hamster on the rotating wheel. Some days you will look over at your best friend who owns a house and feel some form of lingering failure. But you will soon learn that it’s a race and some people have longer legs, some started earlier, some have bigger lungs and that some cheat in the race and take shortcuts. You will also learn that looking over the fence keeps you from looking at your own little triumphs. And they are many, these triumphs; you are healthy and free from disease, you have a lucid mind that is productive, you have a vocation that you are lucky for and you have lovely children who love you and (hopefully) like you and you have at least five people you can call when shit hits the fan and they will come to your aid. Most importantly, you are here. And you have internet. You still have so much fight in you left and if God gives you more years you will still keep your best foot forward.

 

Don’t ever ask yourself what happiness is. Just be your best version of happy. Pursue it. Be selfish about it.

 

Your mom will die. I won’t tell you at what age you will be when she dies but she will fall sick for a few years and then she will die on a sunny Sunday…at 11am, if you want to know the exact time. Days after the burial you will sit on the verandah in shags, empty and hollow like a dead tree and you will stare at, without seeing, the large wreaths on her grave now dry from the sun. Then you will grieve for many years and you won’t stop. Good news is that it will get better but it will never be the same. But then your dad will marry another woman, a much younger woman (atta boy, and she will hang her clothes in the same wooden wardrobe your mom’s clothes once hung for years. That’s how life moves on; your mother will be replaced and you will start to whine about it, about “preserving her memory” and “respect” and all that claptrap and someone – an elderly relative – will eventually pull you aside one day and say, “Stop this nonsense, your father was first a man before he was your father. Get a grip.”

 

Good news; Toni Braxton will never age. She will always look as ravishing as she looks now.

 

At 40 you will have many existential questions. What does all this *waves hands around* mean? What’s the sum value of content? What’s the ultimate balance of money and happiness? What good is art if it has no impact, if it doesn’t evoke and transform? What bearing does mortality have on your dreams? How does one get to the curve of contentment? Why does Octopizzo with his 410K followers on Instagram follow only two people?

 

It’s okay to change your mind and position. You can change your mind as many times as you wish. So what if you wanted an apple last week and today you want nothing but groundnuts? Only fools don’t change their minds. You will constantly feel differently about things and people but the burden of guilt shouldn’t be something you yoke yourself with. There is a close friend of yours who will not come for your mother’s funeral and you will feel betrayed and one day you will tell him so over a drink. While the grave is fresh one of your siblings will ask you about him and you will say you are done with him and that level of superficial friendship that is conducted in bars. But then he will later learn that you guys are back to having drinks and he will ask, “Ala, I thought that story died?” and you will say, “ Well, not exactly. I changed my position about him.” You will also realise quickly that people never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.

 

Hard to believe but at some point men will start wearing colourful socks that they call Happy Socks. This is because happiness will be derived from things. They will take pictures of the said happy socks and upload them on this thing called Instagram which you need to know now, is a mirage, a smokescreen, make believe. It’s like a wonderland where everything shines and everybody is beautiful and happy and accomplished and blemish-free. It’s the only way humans will deal with their insecurities of modernity.

 

Also, you don’t know it now, but one day you will have to lose your Yahoo email. So don’t get too attached to it because nobody will keep theirs in the next 10-years or so. Well, except for people who type with one finger.

 

More good news. You will not go blind from masturbation. It’s a myth. Wank away, baba.

 

In 2017, a good chunk of the urban population will claim to be intolerant to gluten. They will also try to say that chapos are bad. Good thing you won’t listen. Neither will the legion of chapo lovers out there who will fight the propaganda brigade by turning a blind eye to this allegation and retain chapos as the reigning king of carbs.

 

At the edge of 40- you will write a novella that people can find  on Fireplace HERE http://www.fireplace.bikozulu.co.ke/ and on Amazon HERE http://amzn.to/2kBUzei

 

In your early 30’s to mid 30’s you will lurch often through pockets of  turbulence, filled with insecurities: Are you a good enough husband? Are you even enjoying being one?  Are you a good father? Are you equipped to raise a human being? Are you doing the right thing? What about your art? Is it fluffy? Are you competent enough? What if one day you wake up and you can’t write a sentence? Is there any other talent in you that you can capitalise on to complement writing? What if you never discover that talent and you die with it or worse, it dies in you? But even more pressing, is your forehead visible from the moon?  

 

There will be an application called Whatsapp that is like a channel that leads social debris into a tepid pool of manure. You will enjoy it. Everybody is on it, including everybody’s grandparents. Sometimes great conversations will be had there in groups, other times there will be a lot of pictures of tits and ass flowing down that murky channel and what you will learn are called memes. But if you sit it out, once in awhile you might learn something poignant, like someone sharing a quote by Toni Morrison: “Definitions belong to definers not the defined.” People might define you but thankfully that’s not your weight to carry, it’s theirs.

 

I know 40 looks so far and so old right now. Trust me, it isn’t. Try and blink and see if you won’t be 40…Go ahead, I dare you…

 

Ultimately, you will learn that it’s never that serious. Don’t kill yourself saving or dieting or drinking or writing or thinking or conforming or pleasing. The worst thing is to deny yourself and forget to live for yourself. Time is measured. Jump off the cliff, something will eventually catch you. Beauty is not knowing what.

 

  ***

 

I’m probably 40,000ft above the air while you read this today, headed out to some place with a view and whisky. The fourth floor awaits on thursday and I have been taking the staircase.  Listen, as a “gift” could you all just write a note down there on  the comment section what you have learnt in life so far? It doesn’t matter if you are 18 or 55, just one thing you have learnt in life. It could be in the form of a story or a gem of wisdom. I think it would offer great insights into your lives so that I see you not as mere comments but as normal people who might like normal things like yoghurt.

 

Peter Wesh, wanna go first?

 

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761 Comments
    1. Well, speaking of people in their 20s, I just got here.
      I don’t have much. But this is what life has taught me.
      If it doesn’t make you feel like your favourite song, its not worth it. Don’t drain the life out of you in the name of feeding your family or be held by the bounds of a salary. Explore, yes, Jump. You will be surprised to find out, you actually do enjoy the fall, and the splash of the water is, in fact, thrilling. You will be proud of you. Don’t be conformed to a way of life, that course that you still have ni idea what you’re doing isn’t worth it. Follow your heart. Jesus didn’t die on the cross for you to just finish school and sit in an office drinking tea and reading the gazette. If anything, its a little insulting to God.
      You have achieved a few things at your age more than most people Bee, but dont let that get into your head. Sometimes the ladder breaks and people come crumbling down. Always stay humble and kind with purity of heart.
      Like Biko said, with disappointment,you will only have yourself to blame.
      You can not change the world, not by yourself at least, but you can make a difference. Thankyou for beginning where you were, with doubt and fear, keep moving forward.

      Love, love unconditionally. But dont for a second think you will save the boy from the burning house, or try and look for the boy who started the fire and try to change him, but knowing you, you will try anyway. Tread carefully, but love as a gift, not am investment. Fly baby, soar with the eagles, bid the forest floor goodbye, take to the sky.

      Above all, live and let live. You were made for this. So shall we?

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      1. ION;
        Can i just say, Biko you never really acknowledge the women im your comment section, hmmm??
        Should we start a revolution as a marginalised community in the gang??
        We need, nay, deserve recognition. Start with She’s a tomboy. Please☺

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        1. At 29, you will get pregnant and the first person you will think of calling is your dad because the man responsible won’t want anything to do with it or you. It will break you for a short while, then you will accept and love the new you., but fate will have it differently. You will loose the pregnancy before you hold the baby. This will kill a part of you, maybe even go into depression but days get better, you learn to trust the unknown and have an unwavering faith on God, because you realise things could have been worse but He gave you the much He knew you would handle.

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          1. Damn,mm……if that’s you in the pic…. You’re gorgeous…. Tomboys dress like and look like power…no I meant they’re power.
            sorry for losing your baby and congratulations on staying strong. I had my daughter at 22and the baby-papa ditched us like used diapers. Had to go Through pregnancy and raising her alone. My mom was supportive but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I still see it sometimes .
            life’s taught me that it will be okay in the end. you just need to choose your journey and start on It.
            God bless.

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        2. The revolution will be televised and feminized. Like Chimamanda suggests , we should all be feminists where she describes her brother as the best kind of feminist.

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        3. Of course not! Can a woman relate to any of this surely? I am in my twenties and it’s all hell! I don’t even know if I’m going to make it, meanwhile all the babes my age wine and dine as “ladies are highly encouraged to apply “. Their form is swatting off guys in European cars at Brew fucking Bistro, I can’t even afford an Uber ride to Westie. Women are capable of anything except knowing how it feels to be a struggling man in Kenya in 2017, and you should be grateful for that.

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          1. Brew fucking bistro…take it slow. Clearly your kind of woman is not in there, so just be and you’ll find her

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      2. Love as a gift and not as an investment. Thank you for that gem Bee. I do agree Biko needs to acknowledge the ladies of the comments section. I am turning 25 this month and similar to Biko, I’ve always been afraid of aging especially when comparing myself to what others have achieved at my age. So with that I’ve learned life is not a 100m dash race, it’s more like a marathon. Whoever wins the first lap might not even finish that race. Pace yourself, what awaits us at the finish line is death so there’s no need to rush.

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      3. 41 years into my life I have learnt its not the stuff I do that matters but how I treat others.
        To be kind and patient and gentle (because I am strong). And to serve with everything I have.
        Life is beautiful 🙂

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      4. At 22, the best view of life is through hopes and ambitious mind. That is what I will tell me 18 years to come. That all said and done, i will be forty because of the hopes i had @22.

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      5. I roger this truth .
        Fourth floor welcomes you, Happy earth strong Baba.we’ll be saying that a lot in2018.

        And at 40,
        You will have just one year before the big four one.

        As a 20 something year old,
        I am tempted to give in the idea of being an ant. Also as a millennial it is a very disturbing though, because in as much as we are industrious like ants, are we really being effective? I don’t know I ll just keep putting my best foot forward. My labour in God is not in vain.
        About happiness, if it doesn’t smell as toxic as it is In the throne room aka toilet, is it really happiness.
        Confidence is built within, you know the saying look before you leap , even when you don’t have a chance to peep, what saves the day is confidence that has been described above.

        I heed this clarion call of greatness of ordinary life.

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      6. oh very well put ma’am! and if Biko won’t give you shout outs, I’m over here with my alter egos throwing maaaad props! lol

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      7. This is definitely worth re-reading. Your penning skills… I gotta right me letter to my 20-year old self.

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      8. Bumblebee, this is an amazing piece. I doubt anyone will read this, but let me share what I have learnt in my 22 years and 10 months I have been around.

        First, my greatest question has always been what is the purpose of life? Well, I finally got an answer and there is no specific purpose to life. Heck there is no purpose for anything. realized that by simply asking that, I was way off the mark. I expected a specific reason as to why I am alive. Say to help others, or maybe become one of the wealthiest people alive, or maybe become a master at an art. In pursuit of my purpose I lost sight of what truly matters which it just to be. To put in words of the Tao Te Ching, “Just be, Act without effort, Accept what is.”

        So I finally learnt how to live a purposeless life, like the rest of creation (or evolution). I doubt a cub ever says that one day it’s going to be the king of the jungle. I am currently just riding the waves, going where life takes me, and enjoying every moment of it. I might not see 40, and I am very okay with that, but my life right now is the best it can be.

        Just BE, and truly LIVE.

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          1. hi davy, am just reading this now. gearing towards 40 and struggling with all these purpose business!!

    2. Good letters and true not only to you but thats life. You have put it very well. The lessons we learn along the way.

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    3. Biko, hats off..a long but interesting read,you had achieved alot by the time you were thirty.. I’m thirty plus and I feel like I’m getting started now(not comparing myself) just a view..I like to think I bloom late like when we eat mangoes in Dec and Jan,only to realize the sweetest ones come in march I’m a march mango..and so yes I’ve learned it’s not the swift that win the race always..so I know sure as day,I will also get there some day.. creating my own happiness every day..

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    4. Bikozulu I blog too and let’s say I’m an Amature but your writing inspires me to do better everyday check mine too http://thisisochuoga.blogspot.co.ke/2017/10/i-wish-she-knew.html

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    5. In life I have come to learn that its human nature to look for someone to blame or someone to take credit for any situation that has happened both. I have thus learnt that make sure you understand what angle an individual is coming from, either, directing credit to themselves or deflecting blame from themselves.

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    6. In life I have come to learn that its human nature to look for someone to blame or someone to take credit for any situation that has happened . I have thus learnt that one should make sure they understand what angle an individual is coming from, either its directing credit to themselves or deflecting blame from themselves.

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    7. Activism. It is not the perfect solution to what our politics, social issues suffer from. What it has done to me is embolden me to act on the specific issues that I find so wrong without having to be bogged down with legalese and so many other processes… is it a wall constructed at night to deny a public school a playground…bring it down. Is it parliament attacking the auditor general for exposing their looting ways? Write them a petition. Bottomline? Act. Don’t make it easy for the the poster children of corruption to conduct their business in peace…

      It is also a very self reflective affair because as I act I must be careful not to do commit the same evils I speak against.

      I have also learnt, at 2 days to 33…you shall find God… again…

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  1. Happy birthday Biko! I hit 30 and will do a letter to my heartbroken, messed up 24 year old self telling me that things will be better….Always a good read…and man, let go of Toni Braxton!!!!!

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    1. I wrote a letter to my 20-year-old self a few months ago and honestly, I have been carrying so much baggage with me. I am learning to let go and be present in the moment, now that I know better. Go ahead, write yourself that letter.

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  2. Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us]. For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced–beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
    ROMANS 8:37‭-‬39 AMP

    most valuable life lesson ever! nothing can ever, will ever separate me from His love ❤️

    happy 40th birthday Chocolate Man! blessings!

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  3. So many lessons there for me Biko. So many!

    Well, a thing I have learnt in my 20’s is to keep going. I may be a little slow to impress anybody or a crab-walker but the fact that I am moving forward makes it okay. As you said, brick by brick.

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  4. At twenty one I have learnt that everything changes. people circumstances and situations. That life is an unending foray into the unknown.

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  5. I have learnt that life is mine to live. No matter people’s (dis)approvals, at the end of the day, I make the final decision.

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  6. That nothing is ever that serious… Getting fired from a job, getting dumped by the love of your life (or so you think) e.t.c. Two years down the line you will be wondering why you were so stressed out and why you didn’t just chill out over a drink and wait it out…

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  7. At 26, Loving and losing is such a painful experience. Probably the second most painful experience after losing one’s mother. I don’t know if I will ever go through that again. I wish it took 2 weeks, Biko.

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    1. Funny how the one who shattered (because broke does not describe my pain) my young heart has your name. In the end I’ve learnt to pick MYSELF over everyone else.It always gets better because there’s always better even when you don’t, can’t or won’t see it. It’s been a year since you wrote this I hope you found peace.

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  8. 1. Things will not always happen as you will them to. Don’t get frustrated. Take a deep breath and live the moment.
    2.Do not be afraid of being alone. It is better than being disrespected so walk away from any situation that disrespects you.
    3. Refuse to settle. Time waits for no man, but do not reduce the jewels on your crown.
    4. Do those things you love, even if they do not increase the zeros in your bank account. It profoundly fulfills you.
    5 Give compliments and learn to accept them once given to you.

    Lessons I have learnt in my twenty years of life.
    Therapeutic read Biko.

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  9. Well, at 27 I sometimes look at 40 as someplace people go. And I shudder to even imagine that someday I will be that old. My daughter is seven, meaning I have been a father through my college years. My 20s have been fun, stress and sometimes pure frustration. But the smile from my girl has always drove me on. To try out. To work hard. To bring up a little human being who views world and life differently. A human being who can understand that it’s normal to light candle when the electricity goes off. Or that daddy not driving is normal. It’s normal to attend a public school. My stuff is not all in place. Am still begging Jubilee to gift me jobs, and or contracts, but I believe we are on the right trajectory. And when the second one comes, I want to be in that room. I hear some people never overcome that trauma, I want to tell her that am here, push again harder. I will hold your hand, and together we face tomorrow,and find our mark. Because life is made beautiful by the smiles we see around us.

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  10. Turning 30 in a few and I’ve come to learn that there’s a lot I do not know. You cannot claim to understand things just because you read about them, most often than not you’ll need to experience it to understand it.

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    1. Very true. Most of the time you will need to experience to understand, especially if emotions related than IQ related. Unless you have God given gift of empathy. Even then, you can only come close…

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  11. Hey everyone!
    , I’m Sharon, 21 years old and 3 years into a veterinary medicine course In my so far very short adult life, what has stood out for me is the need to build the “skill” (if I may call it that) of humility. As someone that still struggles with too much pride to ask for help where needed, presumably because I still see it as a form of weakness – one quote that I hope will keep me on my path to improvement is by Les Brown and it says “we do not ask for help because are weak, we ask for help so that we can remain strong”

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  12. On the third floor I have learnt that there are seasons in life and what got you here what get you there. As long as you show up every day and put your best foot forward, you can hold your head up high and be proud of who you are.
    Happy Birthday Biko, keep on keeping on.!

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  13. Life is constantly on the move and dynamic. Youth brings a crisis of identity .Society most times tries to negatively influence the way we perceive ourselves and others constantly.Its a blessing when you realize the truth of life.It gives you your own direction,purpose and meaning.Its liberating not to be burdened by other opinions of you or by the trends of the times.I fear for those who will never find out who they truly can be and who will get swallowed by the world instead of bulldozing through life and leaving their own positive mark and contribution.At 25 I realize the importance of a loving mother. The importance of following instructions.The beauty of hard work and discipline.The folly of short term pleasures and excitement at the expense of your purpose.The reality that as much as i realize these things I am likely to show my lack of appreciation towards them.That most times I am my own worst enemy.

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    1. At 26 you will realize so many things that did excite you in 20 no longer excites. Many that gave you pressure not any more. Enjoy soberness and take it easy.

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  14. Biko you are so point on in this article…………at 20 i thought 40 was soooo old now it gets nearer and nearer each day, for me a life lesson is create your own happiness don’t peg happiness on the people around you it won’t last, but if it comes from something you do on your own then it lasts. Enjoy your trip and Happy Birthday in advance.

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  15. Have a blast on the fourth floor Biko. And don’t worry, your kids like you; a parent who actually worries about being liked is already liked.
    What I’ve learnt at 20. Hmmm. In the muddle of insecurities and trying to find yourself and trying not to skip classes, I’ve learnt that peace of mind is the best gift I can give myself. So I broke up with that boy who I love but I’m not really happy with, I don’t put pressure on myself to do things that my mind isn’t comfortable with in the name of adulting, I laugh and talk very loudly because apparently that’s my default voulume, and even though my faith is very important to me and I really like my religion, every once in a while when I wake up unsure about it, I skip church.

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  16. Don’t kill yourself saving or dieting or drinking or writing or thinking or conforming or pleasing. The worst thing is to deny yourself and forget to live for yourself. Time is measured. Jump off the cliff, something will eventually catch you. Beauty is not knowing what.

    26
  17. This is a perfect piece! Perfect. You read my mind after all those 40+ pieces this is the best way to sum it all up.
    What have I learnt from life? The gift and the curse of life is that tomorrow always comes; time will never stop for you. Whether it’s the good moments that you wish would last longer or the bad times you wish time would freeze for you. Life is not a movie and tomorrow will certainly come.

    8
  18. I’ve learnt that i waste so much time on social media platforms. So every so often i switch of my data and go back to stone age days with my phone ring tone volume very low.

    22
  19. So far i have learnt that confidence isn’t knowing that people will like you…it’s knowing you’ll be fine if they don’t.

    33
  20. Two things that I have learnt in life would be sometimes life will knock you down really hard, and you will wish it’s the end of you, but just somehow things always work out.
    Secondly, sometimes when you are making choices/ decisions, you don’t have to involve family or friends, it’s not like they don’t want the best for you, no! You just have to learn to stand on your own.

    29
  21. What i have come to learn is that God really has a funny and strange sense of humor. After two miscarriages He decided to repay me back with twins. Never ever stop believing. I have a friend of mine who once said that people with a GREAT sense of humor are the one who are always blessed with twins or multiple births because they are the only ones who can handle the stress with a smile on the face.

    122
    1. OMG Kemunto my cousin also went through two horrible miscarriages only to get two lovely and uber gorgeous twin girls, I see them and see God. He remains great and faithful through it all.

      5
  22. I have a couple of years to the 3rd floor… I have learnt that everything works out at the end. It’s hard for a worrier like me to let life flow..but I am learning. I will get there.

    32
  23. I would tell my 20 year old self that I do not have to explain all my actions, beliefs, reasoning and decisions to everyone.

    14
  24. I just turned 30, and i have realised that Money makes the world go round. I wish i had learned this earlier, but this is something that my children will learn at a very early age. Time waits for no man, it flies so fast that you are left breathless use it wisely, and most of all make time for yourself , family and let the people that you love know that you love them, because apparently their lives and interactions with other people depend on it.

    15
    1. Confidence is build from the inside….bad things happen,it takes time to heal over them but at the end of the day everything comes back to normal.

  25. 25 year old…

    1. Never hold off on that compliment or smile. You just might make someone’s day!
    2. It gets better… with time.
    3. Forgive at your own pace… not cause you feel pressured to.
    4. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and even quacks like a duck, then viola… IT IS A DUCK! (Refer to that quote about your expectations on people)
    5. Someday, everything will make sense.

    33
  26. Happy birthday biko…..che sara sara – what will be will be…..its been my gem of wisdom for years as i wait for fourth floor next 4yrs. I have read your blog for a while -am yet to read your first book though!
    My pal who turned 40 last year keeps telling me on fourth floor you take things easy! so please do – its all about health,happiness and peace of mind! Go through the desiderata on your birthday – it has serious gems of wisdom ! cheers

    10
    1. Wow. Desiderata has divine lines to keep you going.

      Happy to meet people who appreciate life through things like Desiderata. Hail jcee

      3
  27. headed to my 3rd floor…… at 23 years or 24, i am walking in town with my younger sister. the sweater i am wearing has a slight hole on my shoulder. my sister sees it and tells me my sweater is torn, how could i have worn it to go out…i told her ‘what people think about me is none of my business’ . she still couldn’t understand how on earth i managed to walk around not bothered by this hole. to date, i believe that what people think about me is none of my business.

    if there is anything that life has taught me it that there are no permanent situations in this life. everything, and i mean everything passes…i have also learned to live for today, literally. i wake up and do what needs to be done for that day.

    24
  28. Happy Birthday Biko..!!! May your 4th Floor be full of more joys and lessons too…. Am learning through you.!
    Great Read b.t.w…

    2
  29. I am 29 with a lovely wife and two wonderful kids. Guess I should be happy?
    I have realised I don’t have to be happy every single minutes. Sometimes sadness isn’t so bad. Insecurities come and go…
    But once in a while you get a moment that is made up of pure unadulterated happiness. The kind of happiness that makes you feel like a kid, drinking cold milk, a cookie in hand…
    Life is for living.

    29
  30. I haven’t read the novella yet but I damn well bought it already! And now I’ve gone to have an existential crisis coz I don’t even know if I have learnt anything from life so far…maybe that God exist & He is love.

    10
  31. At 25. Well, everyday is a story. And sometimes,I feel I have accomplished. On other days I feel I am far from it, I could have done stuff differently. But, after all is said and more done, my only wish is to close my eyes on my deathbed, smile and say ” I lived”.

    13
  32. Deep. I have learnt to do the best that I can and leave the rest to God. I have also learnt to appreciate the little things that matter like friends and family and I have learnt to let go of deadlines because they just create unnecessary pressure. I did not buy a car by 25 and that is fine. I am just grateful to be alive.

    11
  33. had to pause and check out the Octo thing… smelling my thirties and life ain’t that serious living today like am not promised tomorrow.

    2
  34. Wao Biko, You always speak into me. Being my age mate ,I always resonate with your writing. This one I red it aloud just so to speak to myself. Getting to fourth floor in a months time and there couldn’t have been no other better preparation but this piece. Thanks chocolate man . Keepit up Biko as you discover fourth floor, that on this floor you care less coz after all they don’t care too.

    7
  35. People will always tell u to quit because u deserve better, but the moment u quit u realize u were actually the best and they couldn’t take it.

    7
  36. Happy Birthday Biko.

    A few things at my still tender age.
    You will spend a better part of your life trying to change parts of yourself people complain about only to get to your mid 20’s and suddenly everyone is trying to be what you have always naturally been,
    You will not always love your friends and that’s okay. It does not mean you cut them off just because you feel like your mindsets are not the same. It might only be for awhile because life is happening to us all and we will have turbulent times that change us.
    You do not really know anyone. You barely even know yourself sometimes.
    We all need love, the sources are what vary. Some people will find the love of their lives in children and realize you have been looking for it in all the wrong place.
    Children are a heartbreak waiting to happen. Don’t bother preparing yourself, you can never be ready for the emotions they bring out in you.
    Do not go around saying.; I am not that kind of person’.Sooner than later, you will learn that we are all that person.
    It is the friends who are there when it matters most that count.The rest is details.
    Parenting will always feel like an internship without ever getting confirmation. you will never feel like you are qualified enough.

    65
  37. In my 30’s. I have learnt that there are so many things I cannot change and that I should just make the best out of every situation. Life is beautiful though.

    3
  38. Happy birthday Biko In advance. Many more to you Boss.

    There are so many things in life that nobody teaches you. Things your parents don’t teach you. Things you don’t get taught in school. I have just learnt them on my own.

    1. I have learnt that i have to stand on my own and take care of Myself. It will reach a point where it will be just me against the world and i have to be prepared for it, No one is better equipped to answer my own questions but myself.
    2. Nobody teaches you how to demand respect for yourself. Nobody tells you to make sure you love yourself first. You learn this on your own or not.
    3. I have learnt to give without expecting something in return
    In life you don’t keep score. You will become a bitter aka Mbitter person if you do that. Give solely for the joy of giving. If you get something in return, great, if you don’t, great. Such is life.
    4. Enjoy small things….. of life little pleasure. Let people enjoy little achievements like first to comment. It is worth it. At the end of the day it pays bills… hehe.
    5. Life is not easy …. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
    As i continue to grow up, i am continuously learning that life is not going to be easy, It actually get harder as my responsibilities grow. I have learnt how to roll with the punches to survive and that it is not always smooth sailing.
    6. Some people will dislike you for no apparent reasons. Just like that.

    60
  39. At 35, I have learnt that you can have any woman you desire – except your mother and grandmother, and your daughter – if you need her badly enough.
    I do apologize to all women – it’s just the way I look at things.

    7
  40. Happy Birthday, Biko. I am about to turn 30 and what I have learned in life so far is that it is okay to make mistakes. Forgive yourself for that. The peace that follows is priceless!

    16
  41. Nice write-up. I have learnt that life changes and does not notify you. Even the best-laid plans have a weakness and that weakness is what will bring you down. I have learnt that nothing good lasts forever so enjoy the good moments when they last and persevere the bad ones. What are friends? Always have a plan B. Move out if you can. You will never have it figured out. Life is unfair. You will constantly be at the bottom when everyone else seems to be doing better than you, deal with it. Jump into the deep end if you have to. Life will constantly hand you lemons so learn how to make lemonade. Life will screw you over, over and over!

    15
  42. Happy Birthday Biko, this is such a great read and probably something we should all do when we hit those milestone ages… What have I learnt in life? I have learnt that the importance of self love. Albeit a bit too late me thinks but still – a lesson nonetheless that was necessary for me or I would have crumbled. Putting yourself first is not a bad thing but the best thing at times. You cannot pour from an empty cup so if you are not okay, you cannot make everyone else feel okay either. Take care of you and everything around you will fall into place as well right after. Enjoy the 4th floor, it still looks far from my end but like you said.. if I just blink and it’ll be here in not time ha

    10
  43. Its a month to 1 year anniversary since i handed over my resignation. At 35, blinded by nothing other than self respect. Flipped my jacket and walked out from this super toxic work situation to unknown unchartered waters. Has it been smooth? Nah!!! Many a times the landlord has banged my door demanding overdue rent payment. Yes i’ve struggled, but i squeeze up and pay nonetheless.
    Mortgage payments are in arrears for over 11 months now. I suspect i’ve been listed with CRB but that’s a set of info i don’t have a single muscle to process for now. Ignorance is a bliss for now though i know it might jeopardise my chances of getting another job.

    Am taking it a day-at-time, breath for each step.

    Moral of the story. At some point you’ll encounter sadistic mean people. Have the wisdom to know when to fight and when to take a flight. Friends and acquaintances can be fickle. Choose wisely and try to see through the facade. Some people will relish kicking you when down, man up and take punches, they’ll be no menu when karma descends on them.

    85
    1. Has been story of my life for the last one year. I resigned in July last year. It’s been crazily tough but the experience coin i have earned is worth it all. Keep fighting, keep learning and keep pressing on. Above all, build your faith and relationship in God.

      1
    2. Karma will serve them, Resonates with my story. Take heart and things will finally fall in place.
      Am happy I made big mistakes in my 25th year and learnt my lessons and the greatest is : People change.

      2
  44. Eish Biko…these here are great lessons..
    I have learnt so many lessons here especially the 40’s series.
    I pray and wish that even as you turn 40 your talent will not die with or in you, and that that day when you wake up and not have a single sentence in mind; that it will never come…
    Happy birthday!!!
    I hope the fourth floor brings you greater joys and wisdom…

    3
    1. I just turned 22 last month and in my mind am thinking, time is really running. in 8 years time I will be 30 but I still haven’t figured out a single thing yet. what I have learnt is that the art of social media makes everything to seem okay while its not. it just helps us deal with our modern insecurities maybe. we have forgotten the art of living life as it should be and all we do is to superficial bonds on social media.
      That was great post Biko, I hope everyone would get to read it

      4
  45. Ecc9:11
    I considered and observed on earth the following: The race doesn’t go to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor food to the wise, nor wealth to the smart, nor recognition to the skilled.
    Instead, timing and circumstances meet them all.

    21
  46. Love hearing from more experienced moms what books their kids enjoyed! I’ve heard & read a few of these myself, but most of them are new to me! Pinning for when my son gets older! I hope to enjoy reading them to him until he is “far too old for bedtime stories”.

    1. Sometimes all you need to hear is that you are not alone in the struggle to finding yourself. And that people have gone through this and have made it! I’m turning 25 in 2 months and I’m scared shitless coz I have not plan… I am as list as they get! But all in all, to this point I’ve learnt a couple of things:

      You are beautiful both inside and out baby girl! Stop putting yourself down all the time… Love yourself!

      Love is gift not an investment! Stop with this need to fix people! Take that time and build yourself up. You are troubled soul right now and it’s okay… Work towards making yourself better

      No man will ever come and solve all the problems you may have with urself hunny! Put yourself first unapologetically

      You don’t have to be so damn accommodating! When all someone is serving is bullshit… You need to get your pretty ass out of that situation! It will bring you down, instead of raising you up!

      Living in the moment is your motto but babe! You’ve got to chill… All this going out and fun isn’t doing Much for you other than waste your money! Don’t over do it!

      Your love for food comes second to nothing, but all this unhealthy food you like so much will bring you problems…. Do better!

      You have given me an idea for my next blog post! Thank you Biko! Enjoy the new year in your life! God has been faithful!

      3
  47. I have learnt life will give you moments on the mountain tops and others in the valley, in all moments be grateful, cling to God and keep standing. You will loose some friends and gain other new ones, don’t force the ones who want to go, let them move even when it is hard to deal. Gods blessings upon you as you head to 4th floor. Joining you soon – on voting day so I guess I will write self something.

    12
  48. At 23, i’ve learned that there is always someone ahead, better and on a higher pedestal. If you find yourself before you seek the happiness you see in others above you, moments of bliss follow. Nobody is ever content with progress. Live in the moment.

    7
  49. At 37, that’s it’s OK to fall, to crumple and stay down crumpled till life starts breathing in you again and unfold differently to write another day and read over leaf new chapters in your life.
    It’s OK.

    Happy Birthday chocolate man!

    9
  50. In my few years of living I have learnt that life humbles you. You may question certain situations people are faced with only to find yourself in that exact situation and you finally get their side of the story. Experience has been my best teacher and has brought me this far. Thanks Biko for being real in your posts. Not so many writers can connect with their readers like you do.

    18
  51. Live your life the way you see fit.Make choices that are good for you and you can live with.When things go wrong don’t beat yourself too much,learn and live.Thank God for little mercies,take everything graciously.Try to change what you can and ask for grace to accept what you can’t change.Live,Love and learn.Eventually what is meant to be will be.Happy 40th birthday Biko!

    3
  52. As a 27 year old turning 28 tomorrow, one of the main things I have learned is, 1) no one knows what the f*ck they are doing, we are all just making it all up as we go along, 2) forgive those who hurt you, 3) you are ultimately responsible for yourself.

    11
  53. Happy birthday Biko. So much wisdom. Thank you. They say 20’s is the defining decade. I’m defining mine. Putting my best foot forward every day.

    2
  54. Never say never as your ‘never will I…’ tends to come back to haunt you

    People are human beings i.e. they fail, they hurt, they change, they disappoint, they surprise etc

    Most important: God truly is good ALL the time

    6
  55. happy birthday Biko, you are great and as always an old pot of wisdom. what i have learnt? thoughts become things! and i am learning to guard my thoughts.

    6
  56. Happy birthday chocolat man! I wish you a great day and a great year.
    I am 35 now and my hardest /biggest lesson has been letting go of friendships andaccepting that its ok to let go,some friendships will not last a lifetime.. you cant be the only one who wants /fights to keep the relationship.
    Also being a grown up sucks.

    24
  57. Its never that serious..I take that.At 24 I want to live life in full. Always excited when I remember its Tuesday. Thanks Biko.

    1
  58. Forgiveness is hard work.
    Self-forgiveness, even harder.
    It takes more than prayer to forgive. It’s choice and conscious effort.

    5
  59. At 20, I’m halfway through college. I know what I don’t want to do with the rest of my life. I’ve learnt not to expect much from people. Buh also not to expect to deliver so much to people… Most don’t really care. I’m learning the discipline of consistency in what I do. Tough days come and go. I’m learning to get by without being to extreme about it. I’ve learnt to respect my trade and I’m still learning to shut off those who don’t. No hard feelings. It’s just business. Change of mind is a sign of learning…
    Also… It’s serious yes, but never thaat serious. Moderation and balance are key.
    Cheers Chocolate Man.

    12
  60. In my 30s I have learnt that life hands us different timelines for our failures and accomplishments, that all of us get our own time and chance. The trick is to wait for your chance and never compare yourself to anybody. I have also learnt that contrary to popular belief, God breaks our heart, He will break it as much as He will put it together piece by piece; but sometimes, just sometime, He leaves out some pieces.

    22
  61. Learning and a lot of hometakes here.
    Well, At few breaths to third floor, I have learnt that Life is about showing up, pushing on even if it’s pushed you against the walls, You will never get stacked. With faith keep on …Love more, hope more, Judge not. Life will surely happen in the course.

    7
  62. I teared on the point, Your mum will die, picked my phone and called her to hear how she’s slept. I don’t want to imagine how it would feel without her.

    In my early 30s. I’ve learnt that nothing lasts forever. I’ve sometimes clung too long to situations, loss, friendships and relationships that were never meant to last. Sure like the setting of the sun, nothing is permanent.

    Thanks Biko and Happy Birthday..on Thursday.

    12
  63. Many lessons there. Good read. At 23, I have learnt that people come and go and that’s okay, not everyone is meant to stay.

    2
  64. At 19 I was already a mum and since then i realized that life has no actual timetable just live it, be true to yourself, be humble to greet the person who opens the door for you and laugh through it all.. It won’t be easy but if it was easy we couldn’t strive hard..
    Dear Biko
    I thank God for the day i bumped into this blog, there’s no day i leave here without something to keep and share.. You such an inspiration.. May God bless you and watch over you and your beautiful family.. And as you turn 40 may all your dreams come true.. Asante Biko Zulu

    11
  65. The things that you fear most, they will happen. One day.
    And that will take away their power over you as much as they will hurt you.
    It doesn’t help to live in denial of this truth

    12
  66. Quite an interesting read.

    What i have learnt so far is that its not a competition- everyone moves at their own pace………..and probably, the snail is slow because its carrying its house on its back. still trying to figure out alot of things though.

    7
  67. At 40 I learnt my father was not going to be around that much longer. I saw it coming way before most in the family did, but that did not mean that the pain was in any way reduced when it finally got here. I saw it coming when he invited all his boys for a talk, saw it when he would take time to show me what he was doing and what it takes. At one point he called the whole clan for a thanksgiving mass. I acknowledged that daughters are a man’s retirement plan, sons are at best support. At 40 I came to the conclusion that crying is the best thing God gave us, and wished I could have that back. I got to know that a man buries himself. I came to the conclusion I want to be cremated and I do not want people to look at me through the glass window.. I also found out that tragedy can happen in the midst of tragedy and that you have to find a way to make the children forget.

    At 41 I have realised I am not able to talk much about it anymore but I cant sleep well…

    32
  68. I am 22 and heartbroken at the moment..I dont wanna lift the curtains and see the sunshine but i blv as u said in a few weeks il be able to face the world again happier..Lemmi wait for that time and draft a letter to my lonely 22 year old self…Great read there Biko

    9
  69. Great read. 24 n counting. Learning to take One day at a time. Just be happy. It’s never that serious. Live, Love, Laugh. Even in uncertainty, worry does not take away those uncertainties. I think I should also write a letter to myself at 16 once am Kindu 30 or so. gustochronicles.co.ke will be the platform.

    1
  70. I have learnt that people (including family) will want to associate with you when you’re succeeding. They are not necessarily happy that you are succeeding, they just want to associate with you. Knowing the people who are genuinely rooting for you, early in life, is important.

    Happy birthday Biko!

    8
  71. 1. You are not too sensitive. You are not overreacting at all.
    If it hurts you, it hurts you.
    It is okay to be real.

    2. It’s okay to have butterflies, just get them to fly in formation.

    3. “Embrace the glorious mess that you are”- Elizabeth Gilbert

    4. Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. Sometimes a good heart doesn’t see the bad.

    5. “Wherever you go, go with all your heart”-Confucius

    6. Prayer works. Use it everyday and often in between.

    7. You don’t have to trust the process, you just have to respect it.

    8. “Most of what I know, I’ve learned by falling and getting back up. The ground has taught me more about flight than the clouds ever could”-Rudy Francisco

    9. It’s okay not to be okay. I swear, it really is.

    10. Self love is very important.

    And a whole lot more…. 🙂

    Happy Birthday Biko!! Keep doing whatever sets your soul on fire.

    24
  72. I will turn 29 in January. I broke up with someone I dated for over 7 years, and known for at or about 17 years, in May this year. My lessons, and I wish I could tell myself 5 months ago, are that (1) people are entitled to make decisions, and we should respect them; (2) you can only guarantee what you plan to do yourself; (3) you should never expect anything just because you give; and (4) your best version of self lies on the other side of your greatest fears. In the end, if you manage to stay alive and healthy (at the least :)), you will achieve more peace and freedom from seemingly crippling life events than you could ever imagine.

    31
  73. I turned 23 yesterday and I realised that I have a lot of love to give. You are good with words Biko but I am an ardent lover with a big heart to go with it. Of course this has cost me big time in the past; forgetting myself in the course of looking out for others. Nonetheless, I won’t stop loving, I’ll just put myself first before others.

    4
  74. so far, at my 21 years of age, i have learnt to make a random person happy.eventually you find yourself happy.
    tell someone good day at the lift
    the guys that sumbua us girls walking ati ” niaje msupa,” mwambie “niaje daddy” then walk away. thats it
    give the guy who collects plastic bottles from the bins in town the apple you have in your handbag
    ask a dozing guy in the mat “kazi imekuwa mingi eh”
    talk to the watchman and ask him how his family is.
    send money to shosho and guka at home and people who take care of them
    tell your parents good day

    then also, eat as much as you want.
    then read Bikos blog and click on subscribe coz you can relate
    also, go for art galleries…. pretend you are doing like the whites. drink wine as you stare at the piece and just wonder away people think you are interested in buying a 850,000 ksh piece
    choose to take a walk at the highway looking at cars and winking at drivers 😉
    learn to listen . and be patient with children. the 5year olds. you will love their point of view

    62
    1. Hahahaha. Ati the guys that sumbua us girls walking ati ” niaje msupa,” mwambie “niaje daddy” then walk away.

      Niaje Msupa

      2
    2. Hahahahaha go to art galleries, drink wine as you stare.Story f my life!Beautiful lessons there and sure be kind it’s free.

  75. “The only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet that someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground.” – Chuck Palahniuk

    That quote right there makes so much sense now, in my 30’s!

    Beautiful read, Biko.Happy 40th!

    4
  76. What i have learnt in life so far as i near the third floor, is that, its okay not be married and not want to get married. It’s okay to like and love kids and not want any of my own. I have learnt that there is nothing wrong with me acknowledging my sexuality as a woman and being proud that I enjoy sex *not sleeping around*.
    That it’s okay to not have ‘figured’ life out according to the normal and conventional way society paints life to be.
    Life has taught me that there are days when i will doubt religion and question what I was taught as a kid, but I will learn that Faith is important, whether in Myself, Buddha, a tree, a cow, God. Faith will get me through life.
    Life has taught me that contentment is in letting go. Letting go of people, situations, expectations.
    As a woman, who does not fancy kids or marriage, i’m learning that it’s okay to not be held down by anyone’s beliefs as to what life should be. So here i am, third floor calling and what more I hope for is for me to embrace where i’m at.

    12
  77. Its okay to masturbate and you wont go blind, that is so true! But more so, at 33 now, it is important for me to celebrate the small triumphs and to count my blessings. See the wood for the forest as it is.

    3
  78. Biko, my birthday is on Thursday too! Only that I am probably 15 years younger. So yeah, I will still read this and put it into my personal perspective.
    And speaking of talents, I have a yard full of them. One on writing, one on drawing, one on public speaking, one on books and did I mention one on writing? I’ll sleep on all that tonight.

    1
  79. In my mid-twenties.
    It has been quite a journey. A few gems i have picked along the way are:
    1. Finding out your personality type is one of the most freeing things you’ll ever do. It will explain all the ‘weirdness’ you’ve been feeling since you were a tot.
    2. Quitting social media( except Quora; Quora is bae) is the best thing that you will ever do for your own happiness.
    3. You’ll fall in love and you’ll quickly realise having a relationship will not magically solve all the issues you need to work on yourself. Your partner is just meant to enhance your life, #Saltbae if you like. Work on you.
    4. You’ll learn how to be selfish with yourself, totally and completely and it is one of the best things you’ll ever do.
    5. You’ll learn to give a shit what people thing. Oh that glorious freedom! It’ll enable you to sit alone in a cafe and enjoy a meal, loving your own company.
    6. You’ll learn that you still don’t know a lot of things and that is okay.
    Happy birthday in advance Biko.

    13
    1. Quora is bar too. Ps: we have a Kenya chapter meet coming up. You may want to come thru & meet other Quorans like yourself. We even have a WhatsApp group, in case. If already on, kudos!

    2. Quora is bae too. Ps: we have a Kenya chapter meet coming up. You may want to come thru & meet other Quorans like yourself. We even have a WhatsApp group, in case. If already on, kudos!

  80. I relate well to the above Biko.Happy birthday in advance wuod KB.
    I have learnt that life has no manual,you have to learn to maneuver around.
    Love yourself deeply,it’s the only loyalty you can count on.
    It’s never that serious…..no one comes out of this life alive

    3
  81. Very good read… Q. How do i bookmark on drunk, the online read?

    Life lessons
    Its like the universe already has a plan for us….things just kinda always fall into place . The highs, the lows, the lull, all part of the process.

    This way, with the benefit of hindsight, i’m able to seat back and get amazed at this masterpiece called life that i’m creating. ….

    Happy Birthday!

  82. I have learnt that no matter what anyone tells you, you never really move on from the death of a loved one. I have learnt that not all big asses are natural. I have learnt that screenshots are a devils weapon of r/ship destruction. I have learnt that i still have a lot to learn

    8
  83. I’ve learnt that it gets better, whatever it is, it will get better.
    Happy birthday Biko, thank you for always making my days with every other post.
    Here’s to a beautiful 40.

    6
  84. Am 53 days from turning 25 and very scared of the unknown, and more scared that as I type this my phone battery is at 25%.

    So far I appreciate the fact that I now understand consistency and persistency beat talent and interest. Even love prevails when the two are applied. Happy birthday Biko

    14
  85. I turned 30 this year and I feel like I am finally finding my true self. What does that even mean? True self? I am learning that having one legit friend who is there for you during your good and bad times is better than having many people who just want to meet for drinks and never bother with you when you are going through a rough time.

    I recently got the courage to move on from a toxic relationship which was draining me emotionally. I can say it’s one of the proudest things I have had to do in my life. It gets easier by the day. With this single life, I get to find my voice and do the things that I love without someone questioning my decisions.

    I am taking a day as it comes without worrying what tomorrow holds. Oh, and I love reading your articles. They’re raw, hopeful and entertaining.

    Enjoy your birthday on Thursday.

    5
  86. I regarded the familiar headlights coming up the driveway, listening to the tyres on the gravel as the car pulled up infront of the apartment. My two young daughters were home after a Saturday outing with their dad. It was the most mundane of circumstances. Just another family routine. Only it wasn’t. The circumstances were far from ordinary. My husband was dropping them off but would not be staying. He had recently left us. Our marriage had been disolved and we were now left with these absurd pick-up and drop-off weekend arrangements. We were officially separated. I received the girls, made polite enquiries about the day, bid him a polite goodbye as he also bid me an awkward one. So long. Till next time. It was, as always a poignant moment.

    We had been married for 11 years. Had issues like any other marriage. Nothing we could not work on. But in the two years just before the seperation there was a contentious issue we couldn’t seem to agree on. It was something we both felt strongly about. Eventually we stopped being aggressive and simply drifted apart. The disquiet was palpable.

    We seemed to be living separate lives. There were subtle and not-so-subtle hints. I could no longer ignore them. The leaving happened slowly, gradually as these things do and before we knew it we were lost to each other.

    It therefore came as no surprise when he announced he wanted out. ‘I suggest we part ways’ he said soberly. Calmly. He was thoroughly prepared. Not surprising. He is a lawyer after all. He had it all worked out. Child support. Joint custody, visiting arrangements etc.He would speak to the kids . They would understand. It was evident. While I was hoping things would work out, he had moved on and was already living in the future.

    I didn’t put up any fight. His mind was made up. What good would it do to object? There was actually an element of relief in finally being honest.

    How civilized. We could not even summon enough energy for a fight. Our emotional battles had been too draining.He would be back for his stuff. We didnt fight. No pointing of fingers. No apportioning of blame. We just admitted what we had been unable to say. The marriage was over. Things were moving too fast and I was unable to stop them.

    At 40, singlehood was suddenly sprung upon me. I was ill equiped to deal with the single life. My emotions were mixed and just under the skin. I was not equiped to deal with them. How could lfe change so dramatically?

    Loneliness was an adjustment. I spent the next weeks in a blur. A limbo. It was like a bad dream. Almost surreal. I wished I could sleep everything away and wake up to a bright morning with everything fading into a semi-distant memory.

    I didnt even have the courage to inform my family. Didnt know how to begin. I knew I would have to eventually but couldnt face them. Not just yet. News travels fast. Bad news even faster and before long it was no longer a secret. At home and at work. I learnt to ignore the stares. The hushed tones from neighbours and colleagues. My family and close friends tried their best to be supportive. Well meaning christian friends held endless prayers for my marriage to be restored. They held overnight vigils (keshas) They fasted. They rebuked. I watched it all. Removed. Detached. As if it was happening to someone else. I sought refuge in work. I worked hard. Exceeded targets, Put up a brave front but back home I was confronted by the loneliness, an enormous sense of loss, anger, bitterness and betrayal. My major concern was the kids and managing this unfortunate transition. Their young minds could still not process why daddy had to leave. They were in a rather delicate position and it was imperative their self-esteem did not suffer. With time they adjusted and actually excelled in school. This was a big help and maybe it was because we put up a united front in school. We still do. It is imperative for their sake and works out fairly well to date. However they did grow up overnight, and developed a certain sense of independence evident even now. Now both teens, they manage their mummy-daddy schedules and paternal relations. I am eternally grateful for this balance. The feeling of guilt however that you failed your children never leaves. Its something you learn to live with.

    When a marriage crumbles you ponder all scenarios. Was it a simple matter of growing apart or was it more complicated than that? Had I missed the signs? No. There werent any. It’s never one person’s fault. It is the sum total of a thousand little irritations and disagreements.The Bible says its hard-heartedness or either or both sides.

    With time I was able to see things clearly once I was able to separate facts from feelings. It was time to.take charge. It was time to be completely honest with myself. I was the sole custodian of the facts and with a startling clarity I sat down and analyzed them. What would have been the point of being in a marriage with someone who was aloof, perpetually distracted and wistful? What was the point of staying in an emotionally detached relationship? One that could dissolve in a welter of resentment and acrimony with time? I was so grateful it didnt get to that. We had parted ways not because of the usual ‘bad stuff’ Just two people going their separate ways. The erosion of the marriage had been slow but certain.

    The next step was to find the beginning in a journey where there are no roads or signs. But even the heaviest rain eventually ceases and life has to go on. It was time to move on. Finally.

    It had been11 years. Everything that I had hoped for had come to this. There were no words to explain. No more tears to shed. But even as wounded as my heart was. I had to try to forget the pain and hold on to the memories I cherished. It was hard to forgive but even harder to hate.Our lives are like a picture album. All I could do was close this page and open another.

    There is an ebb and flow in all human events. There is a building up and a tearing down, there are brief enchanted moments in history and in the short lives of men and women, there is wonder and there is cynicism, there are dreams that can come true, and dreams that can’t.

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    1. Dreams do come true, just have to find the right character for your story. He wasn’t. Be strong. Beautiful writing.

      3
    2. Lydia, it has been my experience that kids do flourish when faced with mature and selfless parents as yourselves. Don’t ever think that you have failed them. your husband decided to explain his departure to them and you shared custody and support. Kudos to you both. I found myself in the same situation not too long ago but am now happily married with another child and my current husband has other kids from former failed relationship that he was unable to salvage. I have one child from a previous relationship. All the kids get on well and are well adjusted and happy. The best thing is to involve them and explain the situation. They feel appreciated and validated when this happens. When they are not involved they will have unanswered questions and are forced to guess or take sides without having the facts; not good fo r their psyche. worst case scenario is parents who stay together ‘for the sake of the kids’ but end up resenting, fighting and rubbishing each other – REALLY bad role modelling for the kids, they are not stupid! Also think about how they will be running their own relationships in future. The most important thing is to strive for happiness for all concerned and Aluta continua!

  87. Well, at 23 I’ve learnt that God surely makes all things beautiful in His time. So yes… keep moving, as you put it ‘brick by brick’ and with God you’ll just realize later how much you’ve experienced. You don’t have to move at the speed of a formula one.. Stick to your pace and lane….and faith it.

    9
  88. Am 19…And plunging into my 20s in February. And honestly,, this was the kind of information I needed. I have huge plans for my future but I have known not all dreams are meant to be. I want to be the next Christian Grey,,a young
    hot billionaire and has laid a good number of ladies.

    1
  89. Thank God for the 4th floor Biko!

    It is very true, children will fill you with deep worry in equal measures as they do with love..

    In this life I have learnt to just thank God. Things rarely happen as planned, but thank God. Life is not what it should be, it is what it is, but thank God.
    Never say never and never envy anyone, all have their demons they are dealing with.
    If you clock 40’s with your heart still intact, take better care of that essential organ….

    5
  90. Happy birthday Biko. You ignited the passion or reading in me that I never new existed before. For that I’m eternally grateful (You should see my home library now- 3 years later)

    At mid thirty and I have learnt that life is a mystery. The only way to wade through it is to keep moving no matter what; the size of the step notwithstanding. You will realise that each step counts.

    5
  91. Greatest lesson so far
    contentment.
    Wrote about it recently.
    https://wordpress8309.wordpress.com/2017/10/06/freedom-at-its-best/

    4
  92. At 30+1, I have learnt that time moves fast, exercise will get you through the greatest challenges (break ups, brokeness, stress, unemployment,loneliness, anger, a stupid boss, you name it) plus you arrive on the other side looking and feeling good.
    Loving myself and be good to others.
    Build strong relationships with some family members and few friends.
    Memorize a line from somewhere (a movie,poem, book etc).
    When someone is nasty to me, I recite one of Maya Angelou poems to myself. There is nothing greater than reciting a poem in your heart as someone is shouting insults.
    Allow yourself to feel emotions good and bad. There is nothing more destructive than an emotionally unstable man.

    18
  93. You can be different, start late and still make something meaningful with your life. This was my affirmation today.

    What would I tell my 20 yr old self? I would tell her the world owes you nothing and live your life on your own terms. It is never that serious and you always come first.

    Happy 40th birthday chocolate man!

    5
  94. Biko, I absolutely agree with everything you said about the horrible, terrible job. Your mental health is very important, spending 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. in a toxic environment every day is simply not worth it, not for any amount of money.

    My best lesson so far is this: Stop trying to please people. Just stop it right now! Kazi ya kuosha kuku miguu. This is what I’d most want to tell my 20-year old self. I like how it’s summed up in Ecclesiastes 12:13-

    “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”

    17
  95. Happy birthday chocolate Man! May the almighty bless you with many more. May you live long enough to walk your Tams down the aisle to a wolf that is waiting for her :-); May Kim bring you another daughter from another mother and my you live long enough to have grand babies, though I am sure you will convince yourself that Tams bought them from the baby store. Hahhhahha.
    I turned 37 just a few weeks ago, and a few of the lessons learnt….
    1. The world, read karma, has a way of going round. It always comes to collect. Always. Without fail;
    2. It is never to late to travel. If you can give up a luxury in order to save to travel, do it, you will not regret it. I promise;
    3. the dynamics in taking a matatu pre car and post car have not changed. At all. Makangas are still rude. Some people still refuse to open windows in the jav. Stage bado utapitishwa. As I said, never changes.
    4. You will be up, then you will be down, then you will be up, then you will down. Basically, life rarely remains stagnant for long. Always changing and moving. Keep with the flow.
    5. There are cars then there are German machines………I’ll get that car back. Right now travel is more of a priority than owning a car. But eish, Lola baby, Mercedes Benz, you were a cut above the rest.

    13
  96. Eeeiiiish life in this 27 years I have lived has taught me to take it slow.U see this life haitaki mbio inataka tu uipeleke moss moss eventually something must give. Happy birthday Biko have a great born day.

    3
  97. Time flies it really does. Lesson learning to respect other peoples time as well as mine. Patients; this one is a tough one. sitting quietly in a room and waiting not making that call though the wait iskilling you.
    And letting go whatever happens happens don’t beat yourself over it.

    2
  98. Beautiful piece!

    My lesson…

    It’s never that serious, no one actually takes you as serious as you do yourself! Have fun while going through life.

    3
  99. You will also realise quickly that people never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.

    very true. we sometimes expects so much from people without thinking that maybe, they have no capacity to fulfill your expectations.

    1
    1. At 23, this is the age where you realize you are now a mature person.

      I have learnt 3 key things in life:

      Wanna achieve something? Believe in your self, again believe in your self.

      Embrace your fears , overcome them, fears hold us back from being extraordinary. Be Bold ,Be Bold!

      Have a positive attitude always, everything will work out for your good ,God is always in control.

      2
  100. Life is always better than we perceive it and we are better than we imagine. Learn to forgive and love yourself and you just might see it.

    3
  101. “Black man, you are alone!”…that’s what I have learnt about life at 28. Many will fight with you or besides you but none will fight for you. Pick your arms and head out for the trenches, fight for your soul because only you can redeem it.

    8
  102. I’ll be turning twenty in a month’s time. So, to some extent some part of this letter is addressed to me (Of course others in their twenties). Life has its lessons. And to me life has taught me to never let go the one thing I have in my stable. Life has taught me planning and failing to execute is void. Life has taught me alot but I have to stop here lest cows come home and find me commenting.

    3
  103. Listen. You have much to learn from others. That includes listening to yourself, because you too are full of wisdom that you aren’t always aware of.

    4
  104. Happy birthday Baba! Halfway through my twenties, I am learning to do what makes me happy, not to expect much from people especially my friends and taking one day at a time. It is okay to quit that job if it doesn’t make me happy. And take that flight to an unknown destination and reflect on myself for a while. Then come back home and be better.

    2
  105. oh forgot this one..
    its ok to say No if you do not believe or feel comfortable in the ask. All we are left with is our principles.loving the third floor am so much more confident in who i am. i cannot wait for the fourth floor.

    2
  106. Am halfway to the 50 years mark..and I have appreciate that pain does not last forever. I have learnt to be more patient, more understanding of other people’s circumstances, to manage my expectations towards my loved ones and friends, to work hard and give my all to everything I do and to know that God is the beginning and the end..the center of my being!

    6
  107. Happy 40th birthday Biko.

    At 22 i’ve learnt to live this life one day at a time as each day has enough troubles of its own..As long as we make consistent foward steps however small everything will fall into place eventually.

    3
  108. That life does go on…. people don’t stop their lives to grieve with you and it’s ok!

    Love is a decision not a feeling.

    3
  109. Am 26 and so far, I now know that all things work together for good. All of them. Whatever it is, keep it together, stay upright. It shall pass.

    3
  110. Deep article today. Gosh, i’ve been on the third floor for many years and life is still teaching me.Where to start;
    Heartbreak doesn’t kill, it might feel like it will but I promise you like everything else it passes. In addition, you can’t make anyone love you so do not try, Boyz II men were right when they wrote their song. Your attention pays you, you will get returns in whatever you choose to consistently invest your time so invest wisely. Deep down you always know, you might consult people, the internet or books but at the end of the day you always know and after numerous burns I have learned to trust my gut. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, there will always be someone better off and worse off than me so just water your own grass, that is where it will be greener. I am recovering worrier and I have learned that there is so much peace in just focusing on my actions and what I can control and for everything else rolling with the punches. And lastly life is full of silver linings everywhere if we choose to see them , like this article this morning, so instead of always looking to what is next I have learned to enjoy the present because even in the pain there are moments that crack me up.

    11
  111. At 26,
    Move on from people who don’t make you happy. You and your heart will move on.

    If they won’t feed you when hungry or come through when you are going through a rough patch or help bury your parents, then keep your meetings to a bar and/or work.

    6
  112. Try to live widely, not long. Long will automatically come once you master living in the here and now.
    Everyone is trying their best under their own circumstances. Don’t judge. Be kind because to be kind to people is to be kind to yourself.
    Cleanse your intentions from any impurities. The new black is purity of thought, uttered word, and consequently actions.
    The beauty/perceived ugliness you see is a reflection of you.
    Also, I believe you only find God once you find yourself.
    Happy birthday soul brother.

    6
  113. Fourth floor is a blessing. To look back and see how far you have come and what you have accomplished is breathtaking!. To realise the invisible hand of God that was directing you through all ups and downs and steering back on your road map. Older, wiser and definitely more flexible! lol. Cheers to you Biko 🙂

    6
  114. 1. Even the smallest of actions to someone have a great impact to them. Do good to everyone.
    2. Love yourself. Put yourself first. It feels selfish but it is richly rewarding.
    3. Love from the heart, smile more. Tell those you love that you do as often as you can. Life is unpredictable.
    4. Make memories.

    7
  115. “It’s okay not to know”.. You had me from that point, I’m not a good writer, never had a liking for English, always been a numbers guy,so please excuse my grammatical errors as I pour my heart out. (that statement has broken a couple of laws, I know)… Growing up I have always been a high achiever I was that guy who’d, after a math exam, sit and bitch with everyone else how that paper was nasty and all and when the results would come out, I’d have a 98 or a 99 and don’t get me started at how I’d be looked at when my paper would be handed out. I was that guy, I would complain cause to me anything short of 100 was unacceptable and that’s how I went through school getting my As and got to campus, wasted more time, attended less than 5% of my classes and still somehow managed to get a first class, in Actuarial Science mark you, and I don’t have to tell you how the stories of a bought degree surfaced but well what did Tom Morrison say again? :). Fast forward, I got a job in a good company went abroad for training and from outside, I was the envy of most people and from inside, that self belief and reinforcement that I was invisible grew even hard. Then life started happening, it didn’t happen all at once though, small chips, ones that you’d shrug off and forget about them if you aren’t the diary writing kind of guy. Now, I wasn’t the best in the room, I wasn’t noticed, in fact four months into the job, I was at the bottom of the pack. In some strange way all that didn’t get to me at the time as I still believed in myself and from the inside, it was just a matter of time before they saw the capabilities, I was to show them that what they saw on the outside was who I was. It took 2 years before I got ‘noticed’ and through that time, 80% of the people I had first joined with got fired and I had managed to survive somehow someway so I still had it in me and my dreams of being a millionaire and the best in all I did were still alive. One day I woke up, okay it maybe wasn’t one day but you get the drift, and I decided this working for this company was slowing down my path to being a millionaire and I wasn’t hitting my goals as I had envisioned them and they were stifling my genius and so I handed in my resignation and decided to do the same thing my company was doing but for myself. I was, 25, the entrepreneurial bug had caught me and I was 25 and still budgeting for my money?! That wasn’t the plan, I was wasting my genius, I was supposed to own a house by now and have a good car and I’d be traveling around with money being the less of my worries. And now I was going to be in charge of my destiny, I was going to steer my ship right to El Dorado and to everyone else around me, I had gone mad! Especially to my mother, his son had been rogwad, cause she didn’t understand how a boy with good papers and who’s always been best behaved was now doing making these decisions that didn’t make sense. I was supposed to be on track to being a manager in some company, having fancy business cards and all that stuff parents envision and their kids, and especially their kid who has been her best performing kid through out life. Nonetheless, I still did it and that’s when I experienced life chocolate man! Sijawahi chapwa na maisha hivo and never have I been confused in my life like I am now, I’m lost and I’m just trying to figure out how to get a footing, how to b okay with not knowing. I’m 27 now and I feel like I’ve lived sijui for how many years, I don’t have my shit together and I’m constantly worrying about tomorrow and if I’ll stikl be that millionaire. From the outside, you’ll look and say, young man, you still have a life ahead of you and you’ll land fine and hujui shida ni nini bado but from the inside, it feels like I’ve seen life and it’s a tough balancing act trying to find my place, balance my expectations of life and what life has given cause you know for us on the second floor, this is as high as its gotten and so our problems now seem like the mountains given how our stay has been from the ground floor to the first. I hope I’m acquiring content and wisdom to pass back to my 20 year old self one day and hopefully other 20 year Olds. I know on the other side of the fence there may be a story more difficult than mine, but this is my story and it’s how I feel it as of now. I hope I didn’t end jumbling my thoughts up and I won’t read this over cause I’ll change my mind about posting so I’ll leave it here. PS:people should watch Boardwalk Empire, that shit is dope! (I’m still a 2nd floor occupant, had to use that lingo, sorry chocolate man)

    28
    1. Maybe what you have is a vision but a vision needs a project plan of implementation so maybe go back to employment, save up and work on a timeline for your vision and work on achieving it whilst implementing it on your free time?

    2. Just don’t take things too seriously, you have already established that you have a brain. A half hatched plan attempted is always better that a brilliant plan not implemented and sitting in your head. Harrison Ford wanted to break into acting ASAP but realising that this would not happen overnight, did carpentry while attending numerous auditions. Star wars made him but I highly suspect this guy still does carpentry to nurture his soul!!! He made it in films in his forties…….

  116. “When people show you who they are, believe them”. I didn’t get it the first time, nor the second time but eventually I did. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life. Some people are there are season and /or a reason, some are there for no reason and should not be given a season. Lessons in my 20s.

    7
  117. Happy birthday Biko. One lesson I’ve learned from my mom is to never get tired of helping people no matter how little. And don’t expect to get paid back, do it out of the kindness of your heart .

    9
  118. Thank you Bwana Biko for writing this one for your 20s audience. Am so enlightened, I feel very achieved right now. Happy 40th Birthday. Where is the party at?
    By the way can we have an emoji button around here.

    3
    1. Am in my 20s and I have learnt that reality and perception. I perceived that after my 844, I would land a great job, that by now I would be in a great relationship with prince charming himself. In reality, I have none of that. Sometimes Life gives what we need instead of what we want or think we want.

      3
  119. Happy birthday Biko.

    My biggest take home is that happiness starts with me. No one will make me happy but me.

    Differentiate between relationships and relationshits and invest in one.

    Don’t accept mediocrity from people around you be they family, partners or friends.

    Take a journey to yourself and find out what makes you tick.

    Show gratitude for what you have and acknowledge God for who he is.

    2
  120. Why does Octopizzo with his 410K followers on Instagram follow only two people?.I had to confirm this and now I have the same question..

    3
  121. Nice read Biko.what have learned in life includes
    1: Always relax everything will be ok and time heals everything.
    2.Never trust a human being they have a special way of disappointing people.
    3.Just do what you want to do, you want it, to do it if your soul is ok with it don’t mind what others think
    4.Never apologize for doing you.
    Waiting patiently for the third floor and when it reaches I will write to my 20 years old self
    .

    5
  122. In my mid twenties… the one thing I can say about life is that you do not know what the future holds! Nothing stays the same. Nothing.

    3
  123.  Things will sometimes work themselves out when you do nothing. (I needed to hear this).

    Some solid relationships will be born of conflicts. (Don’t think us women can say this ).

    Save…It’s a discipline you will be building. (Yesterday it struck me the number of years I have to retire, but even more scary, that I could then possibly live longer than these years I have left to retire – more scary, I haven’t saved or invested !)

     …you will write a resignation letter on a flight to Mombasa and.. you will feel lighter. (i really feel you on this one. Nothing worse than getting up knowing you don’t want to go into work, dreading the boss, dreading the day, dreading that supervisor who hates your guts. I think a key mark of adulting is quiting a job you find frustrating even when you don’t know where your next paycheck will come from. If you’ve been here, no matter how tough the next few months become, this moment and that feeling of lightness is incomparable).

    But from this couple from hell you will learn something vital; the importance of self-worth and peace of mind. (Couldn’t agree more. And I’m really curious what couple this is. They sound horrid.).

    Nobody will tell you not to get married before 30. (I think only men can relate to this women are castigated for not being married at 27!).

    …a man at airport security will take away your lotion because it’s over 100mls. (oh my, this was me this year. I almost cried! Brand new, expensive Johnson n Johnson product! Thank God for friends. They consoled me with how they’d seen someone else’s entire shopping bag of perfumes taken away).

    There are people you will work for/ with, decent human beings full of compassion, and many years later if these guys call you asking for a favour in the dead of the night, you will not think twice about putting on your shoes.(God bless people who make our life’s journey easier).

     Running…It will also help with your hard-ons. ( Yeah I didn’t need to read this Biko , ,).

    Just before you turn 40 you will choose yourself first. You will choose you above everything else and your closest and dearest will think you are crazy and selfish and mad.(I am seeing this with a close rela and I’m hating them so so so much for it. I understand it but I hate it. I feel as though man is not an island so why ignore others issues just coz u can and want to put yourself first? Yet I aspire to a day I can pull the same stunt. A stunt because one day youll get out your own cacoon long enough to realize you need others just as much).

    You still have so much fight in you left and if God gives you more years you will still keep your best foot forward.

    Don’t ever ask yourself what happiness is. Just be your best version of happy. Pursue it. Be selfish about it.(I think I’m starting to understand this. I used to feel some type of way abt spending time and money on stupid things that brought me joy…but now, I’m not apologizing for it anymore. Ordering hardcover books online is becoming an obsession, as is travelling, etc).

    Your mom will die. (I’m sorry abt your mum. This scares me. I don’t want to think abt it. I’ll feel so alone despite siblings and despite being grown. *Shudders*).

    They will take pictures of the said happy socks and upload them on this thing called Instagram.. a wonderland where everything shines and everybody is beautiful and happy and accomplished and blemish-free. ( I love Instagram and sometimes, all the time really, I side eye it’s contents, my account included. “So u wanna tell me only happy , fancy shit goes on in your life?”. Never have I ever read a more perfect description of Instagram).

    Congrats on your first novel Biko!

    I’m sorry, it’s not my place to comment on your dad but I don’t understand how men can move on so easily.

    Thanks for this piece. I love such, I really do.

    What I’ve learnt in this life is, life is a rollercoaster, cheesy but true. Just as you are sure it has lows, you can be sure it will have highs. The trick is in recognizing and enjoying the life out of the happy moments. Suck the moment dry as you would a juicy bone marrow. Recognize it and even say it out loud like a prayer “Thank you God, wow, what a day!” And then save that thought for a rainy day, such that when the rainy day comes around, and it will, the thoughts of happy days will carry you through and you will be thankful you recognized your happy days. And you will hang in there for a less challenging day ahead.

    7
  124. Time is indeed sand in the wind…. to my 20’s self, I wish I had the cojones to stick to my guns! Re-learning & living the same three flights short of the fourth floor!

    Cheers Biko!

    4
  125. It gets better. Don’t kill yourself over anxiety, depression, and the likes. The future will be bright and you’ll smile and say “DAMN! I survived!”.

    Enjoy life after 40 Biko!

    4
  126. Two things, 1, this world does not owe you a single thing and second, NOBODY is coming to save you. Wake up and save yourself.

    6
  127. Well…at 29 I will learn that marriage is not an achievement and that goes on when it breaks in any case it feels better after. Kids grow,you finally find yourself and your happiness matters more than having to add his name. Yours fits perfectly well. Life sure does go on.

    3
  128. Happy 40th Biko. I have learnt that life doesn’t follow the sequence that we are socialized to believe will be the case (get a degree-get a job-get married-get children-buy a home). That learning to trust myself is accepting that i’ll make mistakes, i’ll fail so hard and bad but i’ll grow from that experience. That people will come and go and after that life moves on. Putting myself first is not selfish, it’s the right order of life. That’s its okay to want something different for own life that is not what other people want for me. That I am more than enough.

    8
  129. You don’t die if it isn’t your day, and if you are spared surely there is a reason? It’s true that your children are your heart walking about in the dusty nasty unsafe streets of Nairobi and there’s nothing you can do about it. Your teenage daughter can tell you ” you are too nice, like when you wake me up and I don’t get up…so I will just have to be disciplined myself” and you know that you can teach your children something without the harsh stuff. You can make more time, just drop all the stuff that means nothing to you, no matter the customs, the trend, the feelings of people who’s opinion you don’t need to worry about. Love in action means so much more than any other way of loving. Spend on experiences, things don’t last. You can forgive anything. It’s not easy, but its possible. It’s better to be resilient than to count on luck. And one day your mum will begin to lose her memory and you will live in fear of her not recognising you. and if someone comes to you for help, help unless you really can’t. You cannot change the world but you can do something in your little corner (cliché, but true).

    3
  130. Happy birthday Biko.
    Lesson: If I cannot influence my concern, I need to stop being concerned about it. Worry causes wrinkles.

  131. What I have learnt:

    Be kind to yourself
    Prioritise self care
    Be you
    Do you
    Smile
    Travel (even if by bus – but just do it)
    Run your own race

    Happy Birthday Biko!
    Welcome to this part of life.

    3
  132. That was one hell of an honest letter..

    For what it’s worth Biko, you’ve been doing a good job with your talent.. Your writing does touch lives… In ways that can’t exactly be put to words, ,some form of high, it inspires one to write because you make it look so fancy. Its admirable that you’re earning your daily bread through doing what you were created to do. Very few people have managed to do so. Im yet to, and that makes me a bit green eyed looking at you living within purpose.

    At 21 ,
    My lessons are :
    1. This chase for purpose actually might derail you from knowing what it is, , just focus on your dailies and with time you realise that purpose has been staring right at you all this time.
    2. You can’t make everyone happy, unless you sell ice cream. And that’s not on you.
    3. Opinions are not facts, , so don’t make them your reality.
    4. Sometimes confidence requires you to fake it till you make it since the world will only respect you as much as you respect you.
    5. When all else fails, read an old post from this blog. You’ll laugh and feel better. 🙂

    10
  133. This is a wonderful read Biko!
    Only lived for two decades and I am still asking myself if I am ready to live for another two or three. Like everyone else, life has groped me indecently a little too many times.
    I had friends who were so close months ago but when I meet them now I wonder what we ever had in common. I do not blame them, no. We just changed. And drifted too. My last two decades have been spent being angry at my parents. Angry at their shortcomings. Angry at their African tendenciesbut the other day, looking at my father’s wrinkled face. I realized how fast life moves. And for tthem to ever have a relationship with me, a proper relationship at this age, I will need to meet them more than halfway. I will need to cut them some slack. See, it was not their fault that they were born in the era they were born. They are trying. They really are. I can see it.

    8
  134. that first am who I am, a better self each day with every step I make forward and myself to craft my own destiny through God

    I owe myself to strive to a better me

    to live and love unreservedly

    to be thankful, manic has opened unfathomed doors by simple acts of grace and gratitude

    and am a dreamer, I owe it to God, to my beloved wife and to those in my path to dream and work as and even better than Michelangelo Beethoven and

    to live

    simple to live

    Ecclesiastes 4, it’s passes so fast and it’s so much clouded in vanity

    to smile, and experience life

    2
  135. At 22, I’m still learning to let go and put me first..trust is still a problem and not everything happens as you want them to
    Insightful words right there biko, much blessings on your birthday

  136. 1. I am in charge of my own happiness.
    2. Not everyone will like you. Be you and do you boo.
    3. It may not make sense now, but someday it will.
    4. Let you ‘no’ be a no and your ‘yes’ be a yes.
    5. Never stop learning.

    2
  137. I have commented on this Biko weekly drug only once… so this is my second stab…I am 22 five days from now.. can i hear happy birthdays. .I had to put an emoji to remind Biko this is 2017 where emojis do the talking…Seriously though I have learnt that it is okay to be clueless…that while we are working hard to water the gardens its okay to smell the roses once in a while..
    your college girl
    PS: am saving up to access that novella but in the meantime I have this urge that stays until your Tuesday notification scratches it and the cycle continues

    5
  138. Leave it to God and go to sleep.
    I wrote something for mum who made it to the sixth floor;
    https://wordpress.com/view/sheceleb.wordpress.com
    Happy birthday Biko.

    2
  139. To my 20’s self: Most of the “friendships” will be for the benefit of the other party. They will be too busy to help you out when you need their help. Family is not only blood related. You will gain amazing family members along the way. The worst kind of hurt will be from family members and you will pull through it. There are amazing angels all around us and you will meet them daily.

    2
  140. Many a time we forget ourselves in the daily chase of life, we focus on things without investing in self. After some time, you find yourself empty and hollow. I have learnt to take time to focus and invest in self; it has great satisfaction and establishes the very crucial balance of life.

    1
  141. Oh i have laughed….relating to some of your experiences. My take…Cut yourself some slack if you are in your 20s, things will begin to make more sense in your 30s. I am loving my 30s, a lot! Also remember that you can not make it without God. Acknowledge that.

    5
  142. The one thing I have learned in life is to embrace the struggle, because it is a pivotal part of growth. It could be personal or professional growth but it all comes from the struggle.

  143. We all make mistakes, Some we cannot get over for many years. But at the end of it all, you realize that life must and will go on. And you make peace with God. And yourself. And you keep riding that bicycle!!

    1
  144. In a confused space and I’ve been replaying this song saying ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself,’ so I got quite taken over when I read that phrase: The worst thing is to deny yourself and forget to live for yourself. Time is measured. Jump off the cliff, something will eventually catch you. Beauty is not knowing what.

    It is the same thing I sent my best friend who happens to be my dad this morning.

    Thank You.

  145. I have learnt that society has too many rules and if you try to please society, you will age early or die young (me I don’t want to die young or age), so fuck society and it’s rules, do what makes you happy and what feels right to you. 🙂

    Happy Birthday Biko.

    4
  146. Few months to the 3rd floor, I have learnt never to worry myself to death. Some times we are in the situations we are in because we lack the courage to face the unknown. No situation lasts forever.Just show up do your bit and leave the rest to God.

    1
  147. Reading this piece and going through the comments makes me feel so peaceful.
    Knowing that I am human enough to go through all this and I’ll emerge a better human, puts a smile on my face.

    Honestly, I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself yet I am just 23.

    Thank you Biko. God bless you.

    2
  148. At my 26, I have learnt that being a young mum was the best decision I made and also realised that no matter what you are going through, or how dark your days are , one day, even in the dark, your light will shine and your heart will be at peace, because all that you really want and desire will come true in the most unexpected of ways.

    Happy 40th Birthday Biko!

    2
  149. I have learnt that not everyone has your best interest at heart…It really helps if you decide to be your own team, cheer yourself up and just be happy. Happiness is found from within and dont expect anyone to create it for you.

    3
  150. At 29, I have fucked up. I have made mistakes but I believe the man upstairs has a soft heart and that he forgives and that I am still his daughter. I hope as i prepare for the third floor, i will be a good role model to my daughter. She’s the best thing that I have in this world and the best decision ever.
    Happiest birthday chocolate man.

    3
  151. I have decided to drop out of school. I am 19 and I “was” in uni studying pharmacy because that is what some people in my life expect of me. “You will get a job ,”they said. “It’s assured. Studying literature is not going to give you a job. What would you do with such a degree. English?!”

    But after reading this, and a couple of other things too, I have decided that I will study english literature and/or creative writing even if I am not sure of the future. Things will work out fine ,as you said. I will walk by faith. So thank you Biko. Happy Birthday.

    4
  152. Don’t yearn for a perfect ending or expect life to unfold strictly according to your plans. Life doesn’t owe you that much. If there’s anything I’ve learnt in my budding Communications career, it’s that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about not knowing but having the faith and putting in the hard work nonetheless. It’s about taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Coz at the end of the day, it’s not just about the destination but the journey too. Make it worthwhile, make it eventful, toss conformity out the window and write your own script, unapologetically. Live like someone left the gate open.

    And about Octopizzo, I just wanted to add that even the two people he follows are not actually people. It’s his pages. I wonder what the people of Instagram did to that omuga.

    2
  153. As one with one more step to the 4th floor, I love this letter and might pen one to my younger self too. I wish you a happy birthday and many more. As for lessons:
    1. I have learn’t that you can find teachers anywhere, if only you will listen
    2. Money’s value is measured in the experiences you endure to acquire it in order to exchange it for the experiences you enjoy…focus on the experiences, not the money.
    3.My dreams, thoughts and values have changed with me and I expect they shall continue to do so. There are really no absolutes.
    4.The opposite of love is fear. Fear of loss. Fear of failure. Fight fear with focus and fury. I live in hope that the war can be won.
    5. God is Love.

    4
  154. “You will also realise quickly that people never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.”

    That is what I have learnt on the third floor.

    1
  155. Making the third floor today. I have learnt that life changes in the blink of an eye. My father has walked all his life and just last month he was diagnosed with neurological disease that affects his spinal cord. And just yesterday i bought him a wheelchair. It is painful, worrying and upsetting to see the man that i have known to be strong (my superman despite him being a typical African father) struggling with movement. He is on a wheelchair and struggling with old age, medication, and physiotherapy, but he is very active and continues to work although there are bad days and good days. And I have learnt that God can’t give you all or take all, He always lives you with something, it’s only important to look beyond your inability. I have also learnt that true friends are very few. I have also learnt that family is everything and indeed blood is thicker than water. Saving for rainy days is very important, because it will rain. Good read Biko, this and the 40’s people reads are good lessons in this life…I look forward to my third floor journey. #TZreader (a lesson in my late 20s, hashtag is a cool thing)

    2
  156. Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.
    I’m turning 27 in 12 days and I have learnt to believe in my prayers..jumping off the cliff and letting myself get caught by the universe, having the least expectations of others, and the wisdom to identify what weight is mine to carry to what distance.

    3
  157. Happy Birthday Biko. I discovered this blog when you were 38 years old and you are now hitting it at the “40’s people”. Tell us how the view looks like once you reach there, after all life starts at 40. In my 20’s and throughout my life I have learned that, In life there are no eternal allies nor perpetual enemies, your interests are eternal and perpetual and its your duty to follow.

    2
  158. 30, single, parents low key want a grandchild. I have an Indian of my own(boss) that I hate.
    Lessons I have learnt about myself.
    1. I have stamina.
    2. I love myself. 20 year old me couldn’t say that
    3. I am okay.

    Unnecessary things
    1. Today of all days would have been a good day to be the first to comment but noooooo……I had yo wait 3 hours to read this stuff

    Dear 20 year old me

    We write better poems now, less frequently but better and we run!!!!!
    It will be okay. And no we won’t marry that light skin boy, he married a light skin girl….we helped him shop for the suit he said ‘I do’ in hahahahahaha

    4
  159. My most important lesson so far – there comes a time when no-one else matters. Just me. Me, myself and i; not even my kid. You really can’t give a rat’s a*se about what people say or think about you. When this time comes (yes, it comes and goes, mainly alternating between me and the kid), i have to be selfish and keep myself happy for a bit. Keeps me sane too.

    1
  160. 1. I have learned to seek first the kingdom of God, and all other things will be added unto me (wisdom, blessings etc)
    2. To be still and know that God is God (to trust God with my problems and not try to be the GM of the universe).
    3. To LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH. LEARN.

    13
  161. In my early 30s, I have learned that my past still hasn’t moved out from the guest room in my life and it constantly feeds me with guilt and fear of the future. I am therefore choosing myself for once and going for therapy to figure it all out

    3
  162. At 34, i have learnt life is never that serious. Live each day to the maximum ans cherish your close family and friends. Family is everything.
    It is never too late, you can be better than yesterday. in the event you become worse than the previous day, tomorrow is another day. Never give up. There is hope.

    2
  163. Life-the gift of life-is what matters. The most valuable asset in life other than life itself is health. Any other thing will fall to place in its own time.

    1
  164. My lesson:
    Things are what they are, and whatever will be, will be.”
    ― Jonas Jonasson, The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared

  165. I have learned that money can solve a lot of problems but it wont bring me true happiness. I still value it above almost all things.
    I have learned sometimes shit happens and there is nothing you can do about it but wait and hope things work out in your favor. Bought my first kaplot at 23, build on it at 24 and 2 weeks to moving in the house someone claimed to own the same plot i had build on. Now am part of a court case waiting for a judgement in my favor in the next 2 to 3 years if am lucky. If i win i hope they do not appeal. Meanwhile i am still repaying loans for the house i build and i cant occupy it.
    I have learned that things change so fast and we better adapt. Last year i was making so much and i did not spend it very wisely, a year down the line i can barely make a quarter of what i made last year. Trying to retrace my steps to see where i went wrong.
    I have learned that good sex and looks will not make a relationship last. Sometimes a man has to choose the average girl with a great personality.
    I have realized getting a job is great but starting a business is much more rewarding if done the right way.
    I have realized i could work really hard, exercise, eat right, quit alcohol & quit smoking and still die young from a car accident or such other unrelated reason.
    I have realized that i should not compare myself to others. As i was so eager to make my first million someone else was eager to make his first billion and yet another was worried about his next meal.
    I have learned that there is greater being who calls the shots.
    Turned 25 this year.

    8
  166. At 29 I have learnt that talent & skills will increase your chances of getting to the door but for you to be welcomed into the room & have a sit for as long as you wish to stay – You need very very good attitude!
    This applies to everything in life particularly professional & relationships

    5
  167. Happy Birthday Biko! wishing you abundant blessings..great read as always..what I have learnt as am just about to hit 4th floor. Saying NO is a answer you need not to feel guilty about. Live your life according to your expectations. The first I learnt abit late but it works!

    1
  168. Happy Birthday Biko! I’m learning to find joy in the mundane daily tasks and the usual. And not always chasing grand events. Appreciating how blue the sky is or how lovely the tree right outside my window is. Guess what I’m saying is I’m being more thankful and finding joy in that.

    2
  169. What I admire most is your honesty. And yes, you don’t know death until it knocks on your door. I rang my dad religiously every Sunday only to hear ‘mteja wa nambari…’ then one day, a man picked the phone and I missed a beat, I said to him ‘this used to be my dad’s number and knowing someone else has taken it over closes a chapter of good conversations we had. For sure I can now confirm that dad is dead”

    My mantra ‘If I can’t change it, then I don’t sweat it” It has made me live a happy life!

    2
  170. I have learn’t in the past year that whatever happens to me, I am equipped for it,.
    It’s easier to get caught up in planning for after school life than it is to actually read for the final exams, but there is also no magic wand to get me to the future before dealing with the present.
    That is no cure for this self-imposed anxiety except maybe a prayer or six.
    I have learnt to breathe. To pace myself. To take a nap or 6. To take a break. To love to be alone.
    But more importantly that, you are damn good writer and I will read for as long as you are writing.

    2
  171. Hey Biko, Happy Birthday in Advance.
    In my thirty years, I have learnt, for your cup to overflow, it has to be full…you cannot give what you don’t have.
    And yes, eventually things do work out for our good.

    2
  172. @ 29 i figure there isn’t much to the 20s….waiting on the 30s…i am but living day at a time. No expectations…achievable goals…and happy

    3
  173. I have learnt that our problems are never permanent and that patience pays. Believe it or not, I learnt that from two pairs of shoes.

    1
  174. My lesson so far, in the eye of the storm, you remain in control. You have all the resources you need to deal with all kinds of situations within you. At 24, I have gone through 7 brain surgeries, sexual abuse, a diagnosis of an auto-immune disorder, a nerve-wracking heartbreak and lots of seasons of brokenness, I am just about to begin my Ph.D. having discovered that there is nothing in this world I am not equipped to deal with. The universe is in you and all you search for 🙂

    11
  175. One lesson i have learnt is that life is what you want it to be.you are the controller and its never that serious nothing is worth your own life.true friendship isnt presses to happen it comes naturally

  176. Learnt that Things are never as they seem!

    Loved this…
    You will also realise quickly that people never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.

  177. At 52 at least I fall within your age bracket… “realize quickly that people will never disappoint you. What disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you”very well said
    .

    2
  178. I have learnt that not everyoneis the same and this will often frustrate becauseof the things you expect from them. Only once you accept it will you see them for their diversity amd appreciate them.

  179. Its never that serious. I have learnt to take one day at a time. I no longer worry about the next day’s work assignment or bills. I have learnt to relax. God does not sleep so why should i worry and luck sleep while He does it for me?

    1
  180. Just about to clock that mid 20s, that 25, decisions, adult decisions to made and in all honesty I m in this confused state of mind right now, Thank god i read this, need to go easy on myself. Breath. Thanks Biko

  181. “They will take pictures of the said happy socks and upload them on this thing called Instagram which you need to know now, is a mirage, a smokescreen, make believe. It’s like a wonderland where everything shines and everybody is beautiful and happy and accomplished and blemish-free. It’s the only way humans will deal with their insecurities of modernity.”
    From this excerpt.

    I thought I would die if I quit social media, it was just a gateway to offline social currency and I relate better to people more by gaining social reality, life is not based on likes, follows and comments but what impact you make by how you made them feel.
    I have learnt that you might have blog and few will read not because you are not talented, maybe you are not exposed yet and that shouldn’t stop you from writing until you get it right despite the typos.
    Learning that the best people who exist on earth are overlooked and your best bet for people who you seek help from are going through some of their own individual problems.
    I have learnt that meaningful life is immaterial that you can’t buy out some things like death and the finest things in life keep evolving.
    I have learnt that you bank doesn’t attend your funeral, of course unless you work in one and if they do, your success is not measured by what amount you had in your account at your eulogy.
    I have learnt that time is limited, but we are not limited to time if we use it well.
    Lastly so long as you live on earth, you can be whatever race, gender, religion. We can never be the same we have our ups and downs,strengths and insecurities, love and hate….each and everyone of us has just has an opportunity to be themselves…be it!!

    6
  182. 4th Floor class is in progress. PERSPECTIVE, learning from good and bad(no scatch that) terrible choices I made on the lower floors. Value yourself, improve yourself and IMPROVISE. Life is no straight line, find a Passion that improves Peoples Lives… If you are lucky, it might make you great friends & haters… As well. Do not conform to group thinking. Read good books but don’t quote others to sound intelligent. Just be yourself only better with every victory or loss. And watch Shawshank Redemption, its the epic triumph of the human spirit. Aluta Continua Biko. Wonder Just wondering if you have watched Cry Freedom?

    3
  183. Don’t over think it.
    Never let anybody’s opinion of you, prevent you from doing something you are passionate about.
    Eat chocolate without guilt – it’s not the worst thing that ever happened to your skin.
    And read. Read some more. Keep reading; especially Biko’s blog.

    3
  184. That it is ok fail. It is ok to love and get heartbroken and it is ok to be with yourself for sometime. It is also ok to love yourself until they think you are self centred.. Happy birthday chocolate man 🙂

    Cheers to many more pieces just before you turn fifte and even after fifte 😀

    1
  185. 1. Fear really never goes away, you learn to live with it, maybe, overcome… or not
    2. That it’s okay to be still sometimes
    3. learning not to sweat the small stuff

    Happy 40th on Thursday, Biko. I turn 25 the week after ,and it sort of feels like my mini-40

  186. Life is a journey, take every step/floor at a time while acknowledging what you have had an opportunity to achieve, learn from your mistakes to make things better,allow change to take effect ,be happy as you are the only source of happiness for your self. Above all “Definitions belong to definers not the defined.” People might define you but thankfully that’s not your weight to carry, it’s theirs” Always appreciate the fact that there is no one like you, God created you uniquely and for a purpose,,always esteem yourself highly and take yourself as the best ,,,that “I AM the BEST and I AM more than enough”

    1
  187. “I always marvel at the humans’ ability to keep going. They always manage to stagger on even with tears streaming down their faces.” This quote by Markus Zusak in The Book Thief is what I have learnt about life, that we are all mere mortals burning bright like those roman candles till we are extinguished. We wont make it out of life alive, so why be so serious about it and not take it at what we have to offer it. I have learnt that to love, to save, to pray, to read and to give my very best to myself and those around me is all I can do.

    1
  188. Happy birthday (read this on Thursday) Biko.
    On life lessons, never ever regret! Life is to be lived now (not in the past), and planned for the future.

    1
  189. Good read Biko.Life has taught me that one must manage expectations especially ones expectations of others and try to make peace with people when your friendships threaten to break.

  190. At 24, I have learnt that you cannot blame anyone else for what you do. You cannot blame your past for who you are. You are responsible for you. You make your own choices.

    Happy birthday chocolate man

  191. At 32, I fell in love with someone I never should have. He opened my world up to possibilities I had never imagined existed. He made me doubt and want to throw away all I had worked for. He made me have sleepless nights. But I couldn’t be with him and that was the hardest realization ever.
    2yrs later, I’m getting over him and I now realize that even the strongest of loves, or the deepest of feelings can fade away. All you need is time.

    7
  192. At 37years I am still not sure how my spouse and I will handle our adopted child once she’s under our care early next year, but I know it will work out; I have learnt that faith, hope and trust is all I need to take a day at a time.

    5
  193. “Its never that serious”
    one day you wake up with soo much money in your pocket you do not worry about tommorow, another day you wake up without any money in your pocket and get soo worried about tommorow but life still goes on.

    Be gratefull for the gift of every new day despite the circumstances you find yourself in and enjoy yourself while at it.

    1
  194. Do what makes you happy, pursue your goals fearlessly. You will start from the bottom a lot and be the bottom of the barrel but you will always rise. Take care of your health both physical and mental, there’s only one you .

    2
  195. As the various floors keep coming and going, what has stayed with me is that Life is Short so find something to be passionate about, Treasure your mother, Find solace in simplicity and do remember to enjoy the ride. Above all else be the best version of yourself.

    3
  196. A couple of months ago I almost lost my life. And now I have to live with the scars of that. I’m sure people will look at me and wonder what happened. Some will gather courage to tell me how sorry they are. But what I wish is they tell me “congratulations for living”, for making it alive.
    I look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They’re part of my history that’ll always be there.

    One year shy of 3rd floor, I have learnt :
    *Comparison is the thief of joy
    *Fear killed more dreams than failure
    *Whatever it is, it could have been worse
    *Nothing is constant, both the good and the bad
    *Life is short so try make it worthwhile. Don’t take for granted time, God and people

    When you encounter the happy, live in that moment for as long as you can. Smile and tuck it away in your memory to be looked at whenever needed 🙂
    When you encounter the bad, don’t live in it the moment. Let it pass as quickly as it can. Don’t focus on it and, whatever you do, don’t grab onto it 🙁
    When you find yourself in the filler, search for the happy moments. Realise that it is in the filler moments where both happy and bad float around, waiting to be noticed by whoever chooses to focus on them 😉
    And if this is too complicated to follow, just smile and laugh as much as you possibly can 🙂

    8
  197. I heard this yesterday and it upended my brain on its brains.If your life was a book and you were the author what kind of story would you write. And BAM it hit me right there ! Right there. This is it. Thirties has been giving me a serious kick in the shin. I used to be so career minded until I made one wrong move and now I am stuck in rut.
    My self confidence has been slowly eroding. I had an existential crisis a month ago and the head for me was when I found myself apologizing to someone to please accept me and all my flaws please I am a good woman I am an intelligent woman.
    Dealing with loneliness and slowly learning to understand that the social convention definition of loneliness is not the lack of someone to keep you warm at night but the lack of someone you can call when you’re drowning or when you win at life.
    And slowly the train is finding itself back to the tracks. The self as-sureness of my twenties cos once reality hits you in your thirties man those anchors are important.
    And money.Lets talk about the money

    1
  198. what I’ve learnt in the 24 years that I’ve been on this earth can b e summed up in a few words from a quote I read in Neil Gaiman’s American Gods novel;
    “life is a game, life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you are alive, and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it”

    happy birthday in advance Biko. My dream in life is to meet and shake your hand one day, then and only then will I have something to tell my 10 year old self.

    1
  199. Happy birthday in advance Biko. I’m two steps to fourth floor . What have I learnt so far in life? A lot. But my favourite lesson is that I am the only me there is and will ever be. That I am a gift to myself from God my creator. That before I was ‘defined’ as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, a client, a neighbour, a boss, a patient, a customer, …….I was me. That it’s therfore okey to choose me, to fix me, to pray for me, first , before everyone and everything else. Because if I am a mess , I mess all these other ‘definitions’ of me.

    3
  200. Very good read. You never dissapoint Biko. Personally in my 20s I’ve learnt to appreciate the small pleasures in life. Don’t be in a hurry, don’t rush life. Always be grateful for what you have cause there’s always someone in a worse situation somewhere else. Things always work out eventually.

  201. Having been on the 2nd Floor for almost 4 years now, nearing 5 in a month… I have learnt to trust God and his plans for each and every one of us. To love myself no matter how many times I fall and make mistakes, to let go of people and things not made for me no matter how much it hurts, to wake up each day with a grateful heart and life will surely begin to feel like a gift and a blessing, to be kind to each and every person around me and smile more so much more… But most importantly I have learnt to appreciate the little things in life such as a good morning text, sharing a meal with loved ones, laughing till it hurts and just being apologetically me.

    Biko, your writing inspires me so much, my Tuesdays are made brighter and happier just by coming here. Happy Early Birthday Chocolate man, I propose a toast to you and the new adventures of the 4th floor 🙂

  202. What good is art if it can’t change people’s lives? By far my favorite writer. lessons? Life is a direction, not a place.

  203. Good read Biko. Well, l’ve learnt that it’s in man’s nature to live defiantly and ironically fastidiously. But sifting through this shitstorm, I’ve come to the conclusion that to learn from your own mistakes, one may need to live twice. Considering that’s not happening, I make a point of learning from other people’s experiences. That way, I have avoided pitfalls I would otherwise have fallen prey to.

    1
  204. I have learnt and I am still learning, ‘To live in every moment because it is meant for me, otherwise I wouldn’t be there.’
    To choose a life of happiness, that way, we love our life and the imperfection that births the beauty of life.
    I don’t want to look back at a life summarized by a girl who was more conscious of what tomorrow held , than of what i had at the moment.

    Happy Growing day Biko, grow wiser not just for you but for Tamms and Kim and for anybody you may meet in life even me.

    You wanted our feedback on what we’ve learnt in life….there.

    2
  205. When you find something or someone that makes you feel good, that builds you, makes you smile like an idiot when you think of it or them, hold on to it at all costs. Fight for it with every ounce of strength. Regardless of your family’s opinions, or your friend’s. Death is inevitable, but I’d rather die having loved.

    2
  206. I have learnt that we do not have forever. We wait for too long to start or make things right and sometimes it gets too late. And everything is taken away from us and you are left with your broken self. Taken positively it can be the greatest lesson.

    1
  207. I turn 22 today. I have learned that:
    1. Your will is not always God’s way so let His be yours.
    2. Time will always tell.
    3. Love. Love people for who they are. It is the only thing you can give and continue giving. Even from a distance.

    1
  208. Happy bday Chocolate man,
    my lessons:
    Things will always fall into place
    It’s important to forgive yourself
    Giving to the less fortunatel is great,whether it’s your time or finances
    Having a loving family is a blessing
    You don’t have to have same achievements as your friends
    Some friends will always, always have your back,appreciate them

  209. As one in the mid-stairs of 2nd floor, I’ve come to subscribe to the words of William Woodsworth “Bliss it was in that dawn to be alive, But to be young was forever heaven.”
    Happy 40th Sir.

    1
  210. Just turned 26:
    -Live your life. It doesn’t matter what the next person says or thinks,that’s up to them
    -Some we lose, some we learn… it’s as easy as that and the earlier one realizes so, the better one is at peace with themselves.
    -Chapo, yogurt, cake because…why not!

    Happy Birthday Biko!

  211. With every hardship there are multiple easy out!.. With every hardship comes ease.

    Real happiness comes through creating smile and hope for in other.

    To be contented, compare yourself to those below you. To be stressed always look to those above you!

  212. I just turned 21 had my fare of up’s and downs but mostly up’s. I have learnt the art of being present, saying what you mean (mostly) and that it’s never black and white.
    I also do know that I can travel through books (clearly money is an issue) and that’s enough for now.
    We must let life constantly surprise us
    Forever a student of life.

    Happiest birthday Biko, my public finance lectures have been better because your articles pop just in time when the lecturer starts her endless repetitive stories.
    Happy birthday

    1
  213. More good news. You will not go blind from masturbation. It’s a myth. Wank away, baba. You are an idiot, you are a gem, ha ha ha. Happy 40th, chocolate baba.

    1
  214. Happy 40th Birthday Biko. Very good piece with lots of lessons.

    At 29, I have learnt that life is as it is. I got to live it forward. One day at a time. That I am answerable to self – Only to self. And that the world owes me no apology and therefore I live life with no excuses, no apologies to any one and deep gratitude to self and the One Above.

  215. loosing your parents at an early age is the most painful thing there is in this world. Suddenly, you stop enjoying living.
    As you once said, is like drinking tea from a cup which has no handle. Sad.

    2
  216. 1.sometimes profound wisdom comes from the unlikeliest sources; from constant failure.
    2.To make an impact in life,one has to combine knowledge with wisdom

    1
  217. Don’t ever ask yourself what happiness is. Just be your best version of happy. Pursue it. Be selfish about it.
    ….
    LIVE
    LAUGH
    LOVE……………..

    1
  218. Happy Birthday Biko, am in third floor and what i can say there is no perfect guidelines to life, indeed you will get disappointment on your expectation from people around you, even family sometimes. Being mum, i prayer my son be a respectable, honest, kind, humble and above all God fearing. i want to find true love, don’t want to grow old lonely. i take life one step at time’s so fur God have been faithfully.

    1
  219. I haven’t learnt to forgive myself for the mistakes I make and to let go of things is always a struggle I always fight to hold on.
    But I’m learning i have so much to learn everyday is a learning experience…
    Just 19 have a long way to go

  220. Aptly put..strangely sobering! It’s not people that dissapoint is, it’s our expectations. 2 years to 40, and your article’s just made me enjoy where I’ve come from and look forward to where I’m heading

  221. I turned 23 last Friday,
    Today I went for my first interview. A student’s election council interview at the university. I left the place feeling so small. They said I didn’t have enough certificates to prove I could count damn votes. Something inside kept telling me maybe am not good enough for anything. It made me reflect on what I have been doing with my life. I may not be the most hardworking person on earth-but I do my best, and after reading this
    Here’s something:
    Its okay to doubt yourself coz that way you make yourself better. Its okay to fear for the future, its okay to take a leap and fall but do not be too hard on yourself. There are enough people out there to do it for you. Do your best and let things fall into place, it did before, it will again
    You don’t have to be

    3
  222. Happy Birthday Biko! Will join you on the 4th floor in Dec. Looking back, one should never loose focus on what you really aspire to be. At twenty you already figured out your talents or at least you think you know. With all the emotional roller-coaster rides never loose your focus. You can keep changing the end picture, but keep going. Don’t be afraid to jump ship when you can, for it’s by swimming through the currents that you realize how strong you really are. I have changed industries several times trying to figure out the exit from this rotating wheel. One thing is for sure ‘Dreams do come true! You have to work really really really hard for it!!!” – Diddy

    2
  223. Happy 40th birthday Biko. The warmest of wishes and good fortune from the Lord.
    That said, I’m more mellow in my 27th year in this earth because I’m my biggest fan. I hype and big myself up. That Kris Jenner meme of “you’re doing amazing sweetie….” is me to me.
    I deserve every good thing that comes in my life and can’t be assed with negativity.

    1
  224. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect it. Make the best of every situation

    Happiest Birthday Chocolate man! Looking forward to climbing 4th floor in a few years to come

  225. I Have learnt to stay on my lane at my pace.. and everything falls in its place….it may not be at my time but eventually they do…and at that time.. life happens.

  226. Now that am half way to third flow, the advice comes in handy. so far have learnt to be at peace with myself and take it one step at a time like that kid who tries to make their first steps.

  227. At 26 I have learnt that the people/person you trust most will disappoint you. You won’t be believe for sometime, then it will hit you.
    That been selfish with yourself will actually attract more positive energy.

    1
  228. My Version
    At 27 you will work very briefly for a very nasty Man. Terrible, terrible human being. You will feel so tired going to work in the morning and even more tired leaving work. He will often write you deranged emails in caps.
    (I wish I could share today’s email.. Exhausting)
    All the times he will shout through the glass-wall that separates your office from his, You will never have a job that fills your heart with such hate and loathing.
    But from this Man from hell you will learn something vital; the importance of self-worth and peace of mind. Some jobs diminish you as a human being, filling you with poison, making you feel small. It’s not worth it.
    There I sign My resignation.
    My lesson Hard work so far is killing me and not paying me. To my 20 year old self. Do not stress about, You will have more time to stress in you future . (Sigh)

  229. Nothing is worth your peace of mind.

    Do it anyway.people will judge you whether you do it or not.

    Smile. It works like magic

  230. “More good news. You will not go blind from masturbation. It’s a myth. Wank away, baba.” hehehehehe…..
    I’d probably say to my 20’s self, Hey…it’s gonna be alright.

  231. Happy Birthday Biko. A few lessons from life:
    >Some things happen at their own time. This is more clear in hindsight coz they don’t come labeled; we have to keep doing what needs to be done.

    >When you acquire the tag ‘Unreliable’ at least half of you is dead.

    >Don’t think that because you’re kind to people they’ll reciprocate…chances they’ll screw you more than twice. Be kind anyway.

    2
  232. *Kirimu kithiaga na mai, gikiuragia, ngumia ndigwo?*………Life lesson from my old man. Translation: Back in the day when there were no busses and the only means of transport was walking people used to walk in groups. So when you were in a group you walked together stoped together and did everything together. But all this time remember our digestive systems work in separate ways not together. Therefore, when you had to go either you stop on your own or if you’re a fool you would refuse to go because you want to keep up with the group hence you would go on yourself and hence take the rest of the journey smelling of shit just to keep up with the group.

    7
  233. I’ve learnt that I do not have to explain myself and that you sometimes miss the things about people that you think annoy you after they are gone, for good.

  234. The biggest and most important lesson i have learnt in all of my years is that “… it is never that serious..” and it does not have to be

  235. At 42, I have learnt albeit late that all what that matters in life is happiness. I repeat happiness. Go for that thing that makes you happy and abandon/leave what brings stress or unhappiness in life.

    2
  236. Happy birthday chap. Roughly twice my age! My definition of life is some sort of repetition.Nothing new, everything has already happened before, sometimes not to us directly. Our daily routine is actually to find ways of surviving through the entire process.

    1
  237. Am at 3rd floor and I have learnt to forgive myself and to be a bit compassionate with myself for mistakes that I make because am human.
    To forgive myself for relationships that never worked and a heart that is still trying to find healing.
    And that there is that one person who will always have your back no matter what, when you find that person keep them as a treasure.

    2
  238. . The worst thing is to deny yourself and forget to live for yourself. Time is measured.

    Life is a song. I’ve learnt to take one step at a time and learn from my mistake. Celebrate those trumps. Indeed.

    Thank Biko. Your articles make me smile and tear in equal measure.

  239. At 21 I have learnt to say my goodbyes passionately, and fiercely.

    I don’t just mean the forever kind goodbyes, the ones where the ground feels like it is shaking beneath you and you taste salt in your mouth as you say it. I mean the everyday goodbyes, the ones where you hug someone before they leave your home after a very warm dinner on a very cold night. You never know when you will see them again, or if ever.

    Hug, hug those you love hard and let go only when YOU feel like it’s time.

    Secondly, find someone for whom you think you could break your rules for. Whether you do or do not break these rules does not matter. What position they take in your life doesn’t matter. Just find them and watch how they slowly change your life.

    Alaric Moras, 21
    Starry Eyed Indian in Paris

    2
  240. It is ok to give yourself time before you forgive. Sometimes it takes time. That’s ok. You might never forget the offender nor the offence. You appreciate the lesson.

  241. I have learnt to be content and thankful. The mere ability to breathe every morning is blessing enough from the Man above. That Life is never a race between you and others. But between you and your dreams. You chase your dreams. All that we can have and should never lose is HOPE. And as Bob Marley said, “We will survive in this world of competition.”

  242. Being in my 20 something …Expectations can ruin me, accepting things as they are will help me from getting wrinkles. Love truly, just got obsessed with saving and I love it. Let me see if my 30’s will have some similarities to yours.

  243. Action and reaction. Your actions are bound to have repercussions. Learn to take responsibility for your acts early enough. It will save you a lot of trouble.

    1
  244. I just turned 29 last month, although technically I ought to be 30, 31 or something. The thing is I never saw my birth certificate. My late mother must have misplaced it. When applying for my ID, my dad said I needed to cheat about my age because I was already 20, 21 or thereabout. As such, my dad said the local chief would ask for a bribe since I was already a Kenyan citizen without an ID. And since my dad could never get that cash, I had to steal 1, 2 or three years from myself. Nonetheless, I have naturally learnt to appreciate the deficit of my age. Things get real when you are 29 years old. Scary as shit!!! You wish you didn’t go for that ID earlier than you did. You wish you didn’t buy drinks for that light skin lady from Kilimani Mums. It is even scarier when you look around and all your exes are either happily married with two kids, or planning for their honeymoon in Dubai. Worst is your latest exe (barely three months ago) who is now dating some Italian guy and spend every weekend in Enashipai, Diani or other places that have menus of shit you’ve never tasted let alone pronounce. At that point, you remember the quote by Blaise Pascal; All humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room. And so, you seat in your confused bedsitter room, and start to reflect on how fast shit has escalated in your life. Less than 2 years ago, you lived in a well-furnished two bedroom house, you had your first car and had enough savings to binge drink every night of the week. But as you reflect, Johnny, your 24 year old neighbour is disturbing the air with exotic and loud soundtracks with his 21 year old clande he just chipo-fungad from the club. So you decide to put some loud music. The first song is Choices by E-40. As the song plays, that kasound deep in your head starts to sing along, but only addressing you this time;
    Kasound: You got a wife?
    Me: Nope
    Kasound: You still get laid?
    Me: Yup
    Kasound: You got any cash?
    Me: Nope
    Kasound: Do you eat everyday yup!
    Me: Yup
    Kasound: You got things in control?
    Me: Nope
    Kasound: You act like you got things in control though?
    Me: Yup!
    Kasound: So what next now?
    Before you answer that, a knock on the door. It’s Johnny. He goes like;
    “Oya! Buda, manze nisaidie na gas yako. Kuna mdem kwa hao anadai kupika na sinanga gas mse!”
    Then I am like;
    “No worries bro, but usipike githeri nayo.”
    As Johnny goes with you 6kg gas cylinder, you go back to your music and now its Bank Otuch by Vicmass playing. This ain’t your stuff bro! You turn off the music and just stare at the ceiling. Then you realize, hey! I am healthy. I have somewhere to sleep. I am not stressed about diaper. I am not stressed about car insurance. I am not stressed about taking a girlfriend for a date. Maybe things are not as bad as I think. Anyway, my point is this; the standards of life today are highly overrated. A good job. A good car. A good wife. A good house… in that order. We struggle too much for validation. We compromise our principles just to fit in. We forget to go after the things that make us happy and simply confine our efforts to what the world wants. I gave up that life. I live my life as it is. Comparing yourself with other people will literally kill you. To put it simple: one, always act like you are always on your own, two, if you fall in love, make sure to occasionally wake up and see how the rest of the world is fairing, and three, secure your child’s birth certificate!
    Another lesson from your younger uncle!

    18
  245. My birthday is also on Thursday.
    Turning 21. Gasp.

    What I’ve learnt, no one has it all figured out. Everyone’s just trying out here. & that’s okay. So I’m allowed to slip up trying to find my way home..

    1
  246. Happy Birthday chocolate Man!..
    I always look forward to reading your blog..
    The one thing that I’ve learned thus far is “I am exactly where I’m supposed to be..”

  247. 3 things I’ve learnt in my early 20s:
    1. When you push, you will eventually see results
    2. Happiness comes from within. It’s not the money. Although being broke sucks.
    3. Comparing yourself to peers who are doing ‘better’ only dims your shine. Don’t compare; you don’t even know their story.

    2
  248. Welcome to 4th Floor! Great place to be. I have learnt one thing, it is never that serious. Live life to the fullest. Love people, do not hoard things. Help people when you can and are in a position to help them. Coz when you are gone, you leave it all here – cars, homes, clothes, shoes etc

  249. At 19, you will go to the University and promise yourself to pray and stay away from boys. You might hold up, or you might fall in love, have sex, feel guilty about it, then accept that good sex is thrilling, and move on to other issues, like business ideas that will help you in your 40s….Great article Biko

    2
  250. ….at 24 and studying in a foreign land, I learnt that there is no pain in always trying and trying and trying….. I tried severally and finally got what I wanted and I am still trying and taking a shot at other opportunities. On love, it is a decision, not a feeling (decided to love despite the distance), been heartbroken before and I learnt from that. Confidence, like Biko said it is inbuilt and am building it especially now that I am in a new environment. Upholding one’s values and respect and appreciating others no matter how small the act goes a long way. I loved this article. Cheers!!!!!

    1
  251. Being in my 20s i can say lots of stuff worry me. Day in day out i literally tend to be so hard on myself. Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and ask myself loads of unanswerable questions. I doubt my ability of doing things; more often i question my confidence. So many times have i accused myself of not doing enough, not trying enough. BUT Biko thanks for the kicks have had since i joined this family. Things will work out, it may not be now but eventually.
    With Gods grace and Mercies.

    They say Responsible is taking the gift you have and impacting on other peoples lives.
    Thanks Biko!
    Happy birthday in advance!

  252. ‘your heart will feel like a dog ate half of it then got bored…’ laughed like a loon at this part!
    Currently 22. I work at an office where everyone is a decade onwards older than me and they marvel at my age/youth. As far as I’m concerned, being young only counts if you know how long you’ll be around for, because it’s becoming clearer each day that life is far too short. While we’re told to take it easy, give yourself time etc. I can’t help but worry that I won’t have enough time to LIVE and become. I could hope for fifty years but maybe I just have five. I wish I were older, because that would mean I had lived longer.
    Cheers!

  253. I just turned 23 last month, does that make me in my mid twenties?
    Life lesson: trying to swallow a hot sweet potato has never really ended well.
    On a serious note, it’s confusing out here(being in your twenties) and demanding but what i can really say is ,listen to what everyone says to you, especially the useful stuff then choose what you really want to do. I mean at the end of the day nobody else is questionable for your choices other than yourself. Oh! and one last thing, don’t beat yourself up about those silly mistakes you make,how else would you really know if something is right or wrong?
    Happy birthday Biko, maybe someday, just someday you’ll get to tell us something in the 40’s people segment.

  254. I am 20… I try to live by honesty even when it could get me into trouble. I admire people who have perfected their art, like you…musicians, teachers, you know.
    I go to church. I know God helps. And i know that time heals, it’s okay to cry. Dear 40 year old Linna, i hope you don’t look back ruefully. Live life.

  255. No one cares half as much about my life as I think they do. So I stopped caring what people think. I just do me. Best lesson of my 20s.

  256. Follow up lesson- I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Maybe dating a bunch of guys and meeting new people is where I need to be right now. Not looking for a life partner. I have the rest of my life to be in a relationship so why not enjoy being on my own now and seeing what life has to offer? This realization has been my biggest source of joy now, in my mid 20s. I wish I’d come to it sooner.

    2
  257. I am two steps away from the forth floor and boy have I learnt a few things. That the older I get the less friends I have.I have become somewhat of a loner….I’m very comfortable in my own company. In my 20’s the girls that i thought would be my best friends forever cannot make it to top five. Interests have changed, opinions have changed, passions have changed
    I’m at the point where i look at life and ask what it is about. When shall we own our own home, piece of land in some leafy suburb, drive a big fancy car etc. I feel like i have been left behind and as soon as i begin to think that, I slap myself back to “who said that i should have these things by a certain age”? “Whose standards are these and why must I live by them” ? Who am I in a competition with?
    I live my life, not compared to Mary or Jane but mine. The one God has blessed me with and I’m fighting those demons in my head telling me that I’m doing quite badly and I hold onto the fact that God has said that ” He will make all things beautiful in His time” . That gives me peace and the courage to live my life, my way.

  258. Happy Birthday Biko!
    I’m turning 24 in a few (oh God….) and some of the things that I have learnt in my short adulthood have been outlined in the post. Summary;
    1. Run your own race.
    2. Water your grass. Stop looking at the other one and wishing it was yours
    3. Build people. They open doors for you.
    4. Always be kind. Not because there is something in it for you, because it is a good thing to do.
    5. Live, Laugh, Love. Repeat.

  259. I’m 21 and so far one of the important life lessons I have learned so far is that you will naturally gravitate to that which you enjoy most and as a by product, other things in your life will improve and be more enjoyable. The people you spend time with, the things you eat, the opportunities presented to you etc.
    Also don’t deny your nature. When you accept who you are, what you like and dislike, what values are genuinely important to you etc. then you will truly begin to understand your self, and as a result your relationship to those around you will improve with some and deteriorate with others, and that is okay because those who will come into your life will genuinely like you for you

  260. The things that bring the most success and ultimate satisfaction are those done consistently. Just show up. Inspiration is overrated.

  261. Biko, I’m so glad to know you didn’t leave Mr. Ehsani’s, he of the exotic swords collection, due to drunkenness!

    Everything works out in the end is my lesson at 40-something. We’re squeezing to create space and welcome you to the 4th floor – the view is great, by the way!

  262. At 20. The destiny had thought of seeming uncertain. But taking note of where there’s a will I’m gonna find my way.

  263. 24 points I wrote on my 24th Birthday, 2 years ago. I’ll be 26 in November this year. I still find this list very relevant.

    1. I have known what empathy is. I knew it as a word only but life has surely taught me how to be empathetic, how not to judge too quickly, how to understand situations from everyone’s perspective. It is a lesson i will carry with me forever. You will see people in these streets and you will not be able to know what they are going through; their struggles aren’t painted on their foreheads, depression doesn’t have a face.

    2. I have learnt to manage my anger; positive anger management. Something I couldn’t do in my past. Comparing myself now and then, I have made the biggest progress in this sector. I am allowed to snap, I can snap but I don’t have to regret it later on. Our moods will change but the words we say when we don’t think never will.

    3. I found my focus. I know what I want and I’m not losing sight of that.

    4. Your happiness depends on you alone. You will never find happiness elsewhere if you are not happy alone. You have to find your inner peace first.

    5. Be comfortable and assertive with your decisions. We make our own life’s choices so whatever you decide, that is what you see fit for yourself, believe and stand by it regardless of the perceptions of other people.

    6. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. This way you will be able to love others as well.

    7. You have not lived all these years to never be able to achieve anything. Have a set career path and goal and work tirelessly towards it. Let your efforts show how bad you want it. We get what we attract, we attract what we are ready for.

    8. Your intelligence level will never match up to someone else’s. We are all unique in our own way. There will be greater and lesser people. The moment you acknowledge and embrace that about yourself, so will other people.

    9. Make every opportunity count in your life. We never get the same chances as often as other people do so don’t let chances where you can make a change pass you by. Enjoy the experience.

    10. If it makes you happy, do it, say it.

    11. The greatest lesson you can ever get from life is learning from your mistakes. Lessons in life are repeated until they are learned.

    12. Let go of regrets. Quoting a wiseman ‘don’t let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories.’ It’s never the end of the world, things we might have done or said that never happened can still happen in different instances.

    13. The power of listening.. listen, listen and listen more.

    14. Be sincere, real and honest with yourself and other people. Be real to the point where you don’t indulge yourself in meaningless rumors.

    15. Learn to separate your life. Your personal life is not your professional life, don’t give people leverage to cause harm to what you value.

    16. Choose your friends wisely, you cannot be everyone’s friend or in everyone’s good books. Do not try to impress people who do not build you. Not all your friends can be your secret keepers. Nobody, no friend is obligated to be loyal to you. Surround yourself with people who build you and keep off from negative energy.

    17. Think keenly and wisely before you speak. Unless you like the taste of taking back your words, think twice.

    18. Financial management, save from the first coin you earn, save, budget, invest and save more. There will come a time when you will see the value of this.

    19. Face your emotions boldly. Embrace each of them, do not be afraid.

    20. Love unconditionally, fiercely and fearlessly. Do not be afraid to speak out your emotions. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

    21. Forgive often and give people chances. If you are capable of forgiving yourself over every mistake you make and starting over, let it be the same towards other people.

    22. Dare to embarrass yourself.

    23. Never let a moment that you can show compassion pass.

    24. You wouldn’t have been you if it wasn’t for your parents and family. For anything that you can do for them, do it wholeheartedly. Above all, honor God. Read your Bible, go to church, pray in good and bad times. It’s the most you can ever give back to Him.

    3
  264. I am a few days on the 4th floor. What i havr learned can be summed up into 2 lessons: (1) there is nothing new under the sun and (2) that God’s timing is the best.
    What do I mean?

    – There are people who have walked the road you are on. Dont be afraid to ask for help. Attach yourself to people you can learn from or who are where you want to be.

    – Do not despise the days of small beginnings –there are lessons in every ‘small’ task, activity, job, business, etc. Put the work in and when you learn you move to the next step. Don’t expect to be a CEO, wife, husband, brilliant executive overnight.

    – Don’t burn daylight. God has a plan for your life, there are seasons and times for when you need to be doing different things. Focus on the task at hand. Watch your seconds for they become minutes. Watch your minutes for they become your hours. Watch your hours for they turn into your days….and before you know it, the lift has stopped at the 4th floor.

    And above all, stay humble. Humility will take you everywhere. When you grow in your business and career, and make no mistake that if you put God first, you will, don’t let it get to your head. Stay low….the high places are for the lowly.
     
    Happy birthday Biko.

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    1. i could have double liked, …humility is key, God is supreme yet a good father who would like to help us… just look up to Him and He will do it!

  265. I have learnt that people don’t disappoint us but our expectations on them does. Life is a gamble, face it and you’ll conquer its treasures. Raha jipe mwenyewe. Im in third floor. Thanks Biko, always.

    1
  266. What i have learnt in my 30 years plus life. Hard times come, sometimes our lives are like falling debris on a building. We munst keep building, we shouldnt allow to fall with the debris. Once the building is done, we wont see the debris. We shall see the finished product. So let the debris fall off your life, its not worth it, its ugly, but its part of the building process so its bound to happen. Focus on the finished product- that is a stronger you, better you, more accomplished you. And in all these, trust the chief architect and builder, the man above. He never fails to make beauty from ashes.

    3
  267. Everyday we release 2 birds into the forest of life… one bird is called wisdom and the other memory. As ww grow older bird wisdom always comes back better and stronger. While bird memory, well ,one day he never comes back at all.

    1
  268. Trust in the Lord with all your heart ad lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
    Proverbs 3:5-6

    1
  269. I am in my mid twenties gratuated 3 years ago almost to finish CPA but stopped a bit because of funds. Still doing internship for almost 3 yrs at one of the County government unpaid offcourse but with a promise to get job but not able to you must be able to know somebody but the person I knew the last time he dissapoint he was not able to get me even to an interview and still paying rent but I still belive on him anyway I donnt have any other person, what to eat its God who takes care he gives me my daily bread he never dissapoints unlike human beings. I was supposed to attend my broters gratuation on 11/10/2017 but I am not able to afford. congratulation bro I never wished to miss. Hope you understand. What I now is that God is on my side he astill hundles everything. but what I know is that the door will be opened. I donnt know….

    3
  270. Biko, you just joined DMX as the only of two certified real niggas in the world.What a masterpiece! Definately among the most relatable writtings I have read from you.
    Speaking of life,am at this juncture where I just completed campus and am seriously looking for employment.Good thing is I got this call from my bro-in-law about having found an opening for me at their company only that I don’t like the effing place. So boring with no life or shit happening.
    Curious to know whether you would take this auspicious moment to consider rescuing a needy bro from dying because of boredom? How about that Internship position?

  271. I have learnt to slow down and breathe because things eventually fall into place. I have also learnt that most times the insecurities we make mountains out of are usually a design of our minds… no one who matters really cares about them.
    Happy Birthday Biko! Many happy returns in your 40s.

    1
  272. Well written as always. I’m well into level but one thing I’ve learnt and wish I could have told younger me – CHOOSE WISELY. ALWAYS.

  273. In my late 20’s, I have come to realise that you can’t pour from an empty cup. I need to prioritise my needs before I can tend to those of others.

    If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t parentify myself before being a parent myself. I couldn’t control the fate that made me fatherless at a young age. Still, I wouldn’t take my role as a firstborn too seriously, or step in for my mum as much as I did if I could rewind time. I would have given myself more space to be a young carefree person.

    If I could be teleported back, I wouldn’t be too reliable. I would deliberately disappoint from time to time so that others would step up. I would ask for help when overwhelmed with responsibilities, instead of acting super human, or I would simply refuse to keep on giving from an empty vessel.

    I have learnt to re-direct the energy I use to prop up others to support myself also. It’s not selfish to insist on following my dreams and living out my life as I choose. I have an obligation to myself first. That’s the only way to avoid being a bitter monster that everyone would want to avoid.

    I have finally learnt to choose myself first, look out for my needs, and to give only what I can afford to give.

    5
  274. Letter to my 25 year old self
    Life Goes On.
    Mum was/ is always right, especially concerning men. She wants the best for you.
    Forgive your parents. They are human beings with flaws just like you.
    Curiosity killed the cat. smoked weed once I thought I was going to die or run mad.
    Being different is okay. Diversity is beautiful.
    Feed your soul with knowledge and good music.
    Don’t always be a consumer, create your own. Movies and music may be entertaining but someone took time to create it. Appreciate the good work and go on to create your own ‘good thing’.
    JUST DO IT!
    Stop deriving pleasure from material things, they can easily disappear. Seek happiness.
    Don’t rely on your phone too much, it will control you.
    Make peace with the ‘demons and angels’ within.
    Swag and coolness is meaningless, the content within matters.

    1
    1. One more:
      Religion is just religion. A creation by man to control man. God exists.( still trying to figure out how and where Mohammed, Jesus, Gilgamesh etc…fit in the picture).
      Drinking water,exercise and Yoga is good for the soul and for your body.

  275. There are days you will wake up with sun shining right in your face, enjoy the warmth. Others days you will get hit by hailstones and other stones the moment you step out of your tent, take heart it will pass.

    Some days you will meet d***holes who will make you feel not like it. Like not worthy. Flip your middle at them (albeit in your heart) and smile. They are insecure. And you will probably wont meet them until that day your conducting the interview.

    More than anything, always take time to look at the mirror. Look at yourself in th mirror damnit. Look deeply and see how handsome you are. You have always been. Enjoy and love that baby face.

    And wank it baba. You wont go blind. Biko never did.

    1
  276. Enjoy your 40s Biko. My life lesson is to believe in myself. I have learnt that most of us are winging it in life. Nobody really has it fully figured out. But the confident ones always get ahead.
    I have learnt from you that we have limited time with our parents. So I try to be there for them as much as I can. I want to have no regrets.

  277. I am lazy,l procrastinate but above all l always find something or someone to blame when things in my life don’t work because if l take responsibility then it means l was wrong and everyone who saw the misfortune coming is right. I can’t let my friends get the thrill of saying”l told you so” and this trait has made it hard for me to even tell anyone when my life gets hard .

    I had told myself that l would write everyday,read everyday,learn to be alone to at least finish my year better than l started it. I had a good start, l read everyday,finished all assignments a week before the due date, wrote as often as my schedule would allow but then came the being alone part. Now here it gets interesting.

    My boyfriend {well he’s an ex boyfriend now} had been together for five months,it would have been six if we hadn’t broken up two days before. When l met him he thought l was rude and a snob{which I’m not} but he was still intrigued by how weird l am. So we started talking then to texting and before we knew it,we were dating. He had good timing too,l was trying to get over a huge crush l had for this guy who will never be mine and he was tired of being single l guess.

    The relationship was okay,we were to different to be together but to rebellious to accept it. So one afternoon after cleaning my room l decided to tell him how l felt and just the way he had asked me out is the same way l left him,through text. I’m very happy,happier than l was with him but the space l had forced him to fit was now left empty and l felt alone again.

    Then…….came a new guy,not new new for he had been there even when l was in a relationship but he got more interesting after my break up and he was starting to fill that space again that was until l started getting stronger feelings than l initially intended for and my plan to be alone was slowly fading.

    So out of all these paragraphs you get to see that my biggest problem is being alone but I’m working on it. if you have any kind of advice please don’t tell me. I’m going on this journey with an open mind ready to listen to my own advice and God’s. It’s day one .

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  278. Just got to 29 and time Flys. I would tell my 27yr old to take it easy, you are about to burn a bridge that would have helped you achieve more by now though no regrets. also, forgiveness is easier than you think

  279. This..
    “You will also realise quickly that people never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.”
    Heard something at a conference early this year and this may apply here. Everyone is the center of their own little universe, so most times people fumble and don’t know they are disappointing other people. As well we may not know when we are a disappointment to others.

    1) At 40 you will realize life has truly begun. At fourth floor you will have a blast and learn not to sweat out the small stuff. You will learn to do you. You’ll realize belatedly that it’s good to be vocal, to speak out, to ask questions then make informed decisions.
    2) In your early thirties, you’ll lose your dad and feel displaced for a while, lost even as you cry out within, ” What about our plans..oh no! You weren’t supposed to leave.” You’ll feel comforted when exactly a year after his burial, on the same date, you give birth to a beautiful little girl. Lesson: God restores.
    3) You’ll learn to focus on what your blessings are, what you have and not what you don’t have. Good health is a blessing. Life itself is a blessing.
    4) You’ll recognize who you are. You are a child of the most High God. You have authority. The biggest problem is that we lived our lives not knowing who we are, not knowing that God has made us in His image, not knowing we have a position in His purpose and plan.
    5) At 22, you’ll have an operation, and slip into a four-day coma, but God will bring you through and it will be a great testimony.
    6) You’ll be focused about the trajectory of your life. Nothing works unless you work it.
    7) At 35, you’ll learn to choose carefully who you decide to call your friends or those who seek out your friendship. Some friends will make you, others will break you or bring you into shame and disgrace. Red flags mean RUN! *True story*
    8) Be present. Be in the zone. In the now. Time flies. There is so much we can see when we’re off social media. The whole world is out there pleading for us to just be present! To pretty please be in the moment 100%.
    9) Family is so important. Invest in them. Make time for the little people, travel with them as much as is possible. Create beautiful memories in their hearts.
    10) Sometimes in life, we will be penalized for not putting our thinking cap on. Think, strategize as much as possible.
    11) Trust God. Not only is Jesus the Answer, but He has all the answers. Trust Him..there is a kingdom..one that is not temporal or visible..trust Him in everything and at all times.

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  280. In my mid 20s, one of those silent subscribers, but this…

    Leason learnt: This really sank in this year; NEVER COMPROMISE ON HAPPINESS!

  281. At 22, I have learnt that in life when you strike a balance you achieve ultimate happiness. Ooh and things get better with time.

  282. Be truthful. To You!!

    Thank you Mr. Biko. Hurtful timing. Now 27… and at 25 giving up, thinking and going through but… of suicide the third time now, (do not store Antifreeze in the open) hiding the pain & being so good at it.

    Working on using my fear. F**k i’m way far from a description of perfect aren’t we all. Choose you… scared, shy, weird, bald, toothless be/choose you.

    Scared there’ll be a fourth time[the charm?], too soon… but for now i choose me/truthfully me for now, choose YOU!

    PS:OLD MONK ISN’T ALCOHOL, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME; UNLESS YOU ENJOY BITTER TEA, THERE THEN ENJOY COLD BITTER TEA

    Back to sourcing for mattocks to dig out the foundation, will there be floors!?
    .Truth>You.

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  283. I’m in my 20’s and one thing ive learnt in life sp far is that no one will teach you how to be an adult,a wife,a mother,a grandmother you just learn by yourself and don’t stress so much after some time you will laugh why you were stressing over some issues.
    Life is not a competition just because your peers have good jobs fancy houses and cars…married does not mean you should be on the same level you might be envious but be happy for your friends
    Friendship and love is overated.
    Most of it all nothing is impossible with God at the front line

  284. good piece and happy birthday
    back to the point ,for the 28 years I have been down here,one thing I have learnt LIFE MOVES ON

  285. Life is in stages, men are in sizes.

    The 20s is where you starting comparing your chapter 1 with other people’s chapter 20. We tend to forget it takes time to get there.

    Even if you’re at the same stage, some men will always be bigger than others and that should be okay

    1
  286. Superb read. That was well worth my insomniac time. Today’s comments are also somewhat, quite reflective. Profound. My lesson comes from a visually impaired guy who came on the Churchill Show and when asked to describe life, he said its a series of problems. That, and how you surmount them. Ben Carson however, gave me a gem of wisdom in my twenties. He said, wrote rather, tough times never last, but tough people do. Live & let live. Smile. Be happy. It doesn’t last forever, this life. Have yourself a happy reflective birthday, sir!

    1
    1. May i also add a lesson learnt form one Eva Cassidy, and proven over time… “Time is a healer”

      Let’s not sweat the small stuff. Breathe. Live.

  287. Damn that mother part….you went there. Thats real! My mum drives me nuts sometimes but I wouldn’t trade her for gold.So, i’ve learnt to appreciate her alot more. Even though she named me Brian….along with 13million other brayoz. The other 13million are Kevohz. Just saying. I also learnt to never lose heart and soul for life. You never stop being a kid. Kukula life with a big spoon. Its sweeter. If someone tries to shit on your parade then you’re probably doing something right. Ow yeah jail cells are so cold, always have a sweater on.

    1
  288. I love it when you tackle life lessons.
    I feel like I have not accomplished much at 23 and I don’t like it. A chance to change that just went down the drain when I ‘chose’ to get pregnant. I dislike that even more. Life is blurred now. I hope to get to that stage where I can also write back to a 23 year old me and ask ‘But did you die?’
    My life lessons so far;
    1. The world owes me absolutely nothing.
    2. Only my parents care.

  289. Great read. As I approach the third floor in a few months, your article has challenged me to ask myself “what lessons am I taking to the third floor and what can I do differently?”

  290. This article takes off the pressure I put on myself everyday thinking of how life will be when I finish campus. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

  291. In my late 20’s and expecting two babies from different ladies. I have learnt to lay in the bed have made for myself, with this i have learnt lessons. Maturing up as i hit the thirties. I wish had a mentor earlier.

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  292. Life will always move on.
    Whether your papa dies, whether you got someone’s car, whether you have enough to eat or not, mistakes or no mistakes, it will go on. Don’t get stuck in the mud. Forge right ahead. There is so much in the future than the present.

    On the caution to not burn bridges – If that bridge does care about you. If the bridge is full of heartache and tears, if it interferes with your self esteem, if it’s abusive, BURN THE DAMN BRIDGE!!!!! BURN IT!! BURN IT!!! You can always get another bridge, or walk around the mainland, or even swim across. THE HELL! !! BURN IT!!! Who said there’s only 1 bridge? That’s how some women end up dead in love triangles.

    2
  293. I’m turning 28 this month, what I’ve learnt, people don’t disappoint, it’s our big expectations of them that disappoint.

  294. I have learnt that peace of mind is everything. If something doesn’t give you peace, let it go, it’s truly not worth it. I am a single mother of a three year old girl. A few months back I lost my job and out of desperation and fear I reached out to my baby daddy who as it turned out hadn’t changed his stand on helping us. For two nights I could not sleep, I was sad and I cried only to realize that I was so mad at myself for letting him get me so angry, so I let him be , said a prayer and moved on. I decided not to let anything/ anyone give me sleepless nights

    1
  295. Life is not a race. 31 is not old and I don’t need to know EVERYTHING. I will never please everyone and friendships change. I am happy. My family is EVERYTHING!

  296. If you compare yourself with others you others you may become vain and bitter for always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself

  297. I’ve learnt so far that the most important thing in life is peace of mind. It doesn’t mean being super happy all the time….it means being at peace despite what life throws at me.

  298. I will not add any new one but i will just echo 4 things. that i fully relate with
    1. Your mother will die….. mine died too. my Dad didnt remarry though. And yes 14 years down the line life has never been the same. i still miss her so bad sometimes worse than others but i have learnt to live a day at a time.
    2. Im turning 40 in 4 months and i have already developed the instict to make it about me, I care very little for other people’s validation.
    3. i have been through the whole journey of self doubt and what ifs… i still am but ive learnt we all got through it so life has to keep happening either way!
    4. Fatherhood – I was in the labor room for all the 3 births. and i would do it 10 more times given the opportunity!

    As always Biko you never dissapoint!

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  299. That I am before we were. With anyone or anything. So I must run my life the way I want to, not how the rest deem it fit. Validation is absolute parking.

    Second most important is
    *Say no and make no apologies for it. It’s a sufficient answer that requires no backup*

    my hardest lesson was the world owes me nothing. A beautiful lesson to learn at 20.

  300. This was such an awesome read as always.

    As someone almost joining the third floor my advice would be:
    Say “NO” more often. People will be disappointed but they’ll live. And you’ll be happier for it.

    1
  301. That I am before we were. With anyone or anything. and therefore validation is parking, so I run my life however I want to, not how others deem it fit.

    Second most important is
    *Say no and make no apologies for it. It’s a sufficient answer that requires no backup*

    My hardest lesson was that the world owes me nothing. NOTHING. At twenty, I hold this lesson close to my heart. I’m at peace to know that even with a first class nobody owes me a job.or a good life. That everything I think I deserve, the world does not owe me that

    Happy Birthday Biko

    1
  302. I’m just about to hit the third floor. My biggest lesson so far is to Keep on keeping on. Sometimes, life feels like a golden highway to heaven. Other times, like you’re falling into the abyss at the speed of light. Many a times, it’s you realizing that control is just an illusion; you are simply not in control.

    The important thing is that you don’t stop, you don’t lose hope. Keep moving. Do what makes you happy. Control the things you can, make peace with the things you can’t. Find the little joys in life and bask in their warm glow.

    2
  303. Here goes;
    1. Love God and learn to have faith in him………..there’ll be a desperate need for Him when the children come and you realize you control nothing.
    2. At about 40 it will become all about you and the things you prioritize – other people’s expectations of you will remain just that.
    3. You will absolutely loath taking orders or instructions from bosses. So you must plan accordingly……….
    4. The years between the 4th and 5th floors will be the most challenging you ever had – if you have kids they’ll most likely be in their teens (and you’ll spend a lot of time on your knees praying for them), mid life crisis will hit, beauty as you know it begins a slow fade, body parts start to go south, money becomes scarce (high school and college fees), you lose parent(s), health challenges creep in, marriages break…………and the list goes on……

    2
  304. But nothing will break you, you will be stronger than you ever imagined and if you live right, you’ll impact a life/lives!

  305. Chief Biko. 40 looks good on you – the forehead notwithstanding 🙂 Now that we are done with the pleasantries (and that was tough to put down). Greatest lesson looking back from my landing on 3rd floor is:

    – We are all students of life – ours is to learn from our own experiences and through the experiences of others (which is why the 40s series has been epic in my view). We excel if we do.
    – We take so much for granted, and live by default. Document your experiences – learn from things, people, animals, situations, how you handled them, how you could have handled them differently.
    – Most importantly LEARN YOU – it is the one person you are stuck with.
    – To sum it up, in my 30s I will maintain an active journal to record my daily experiences, lessons etc. and not for anyone but for me – so help me God.

    1
  306. 1.There are no permanent situations, some just last longer than others.
    2. There is no end to learning, you live,you learn.

  307. I have no idea how I got to 33 because the last time I checked, I was about to turn 30. Anyway, life has given enough blows and very beautiful gifts along the way. Ihave stared at death and winked at it then looked away. Among the few lessons I have learnt,, Do You! Quit trying to be something or someone else. Just be you, do you, love you, believe in you even when you have no idea what you are doing, be your no 1 fan, work on you at your own pace, cheer you up, beat you up when need be, spend quality time with you, love & spoil you, just DO YOU!

    Sometimes,everything& everyone around you will put you under pressure. They will try to fix you into the person that they think you should be but do not allow them. They are trying to do this to you because they do not believe in you and they want to make you into the you they think should be good enough for them….(that is too much you uh?)

    Do not be afraid to try it out. That new hair colour, hair cut, dress, shorts, business venture, idea…..whatever, however big or petty it seems, don’t coil back. Just try. You never know. If you fail, at least you tried, rise up and try another thing and if you believe in it, do it again & again. Eventually, it will make sense to you and to all the nay sayers…

    They are not looking. They actually do not give a damn about you. In this life, there is a stupid notion of “what will people say?” Let me break it to you, they do not give a damn and if they do, not about what you think. So swity, STOP wondering what they will say. Mind your own business. They are minding theirs.

    You deserve the best. You could be the only thing standing between you and your best. For years, I stood between me and crazy, beautiful, annoying, nerve calming self-love & more so EROTIC love…. I gave excuses, I focused on a future and missed out on a today, a now, this moment…I was too glued on tomorrow that I missed my now. Stop being your bubble buster(is there a thing like that? Lol!)

    It’s okay to have it not figured out. It’s okay to not be in control of your life because most of your adult life will present handles that will rub on your face the fact that you are not incontrol. When these handles show up, submit to a higher being. He always seems to figure it out somehow.

    Keep friendships that add value and quickly and unapologetically drop the vain friendships. There people we call friends yet their greatest achievement is draining us, pulling us down, stealing every little positive energy we have, draining our pockets in the name of spending time together(you know those friends who will always make you spend your hard earned dollar but won’t challenge you to make more? They won’t show you the panya route when they find it before you do? Drop them like hot charcoal..)

    Finally, let loose! Just let loose honey. I will not go into details because my definition of letting loose might make you doubt my sanity.

    Live! Stop trying too hard to live that you forget that your sole business was to LIVE. And obey. Even when God sends you to people like BIKO, just trust Him and obey.

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  308. The race is not to the swift and the battle is not to the warriors, and neither is bread to the wise nor wealth to the discerning nor favor to men of ability; for time and chance overtake them all

    3
  309. I have learned to forgive myself, and to stop being so angry about things I couldn’t change.
    I have learned though, that forgetting is easier said than done.

    2
  310. I’m 26 and the greatest thing I’ve learnt is that 20s have been my years of self discovery, failure and self actualization. Things that have made me lose a lot of friends, retain a few and make others. Lesson learnt well there are no real mistakes just lessons and experiencea and I do not need to feel guilty for them.

  311. Life Lessons from a 23 Year Old.

    Be unapologetic. My God, be so unapologetic. Discard those boxes, stretch your mind. You are far more valuable than what society and the voices around you say. You are a miracle. Forgive people who have not treated you as such. As Biko quotes: “Definitions belong to definers not the defined”. Truly forgive them. Then forgive yourself. Fall in love with yourself. Prioritise your mental and emotional well being. This means you might come off as selfish, but do it anyway. You alone understand what darkness there can be when you let too much weigh you down.

    Be brilliant. Read. Grow. There is no such thing as wasted knowledge. Know the difference between information and knowledge. Be kind to other people, they are fighting insecurities and life. They have wars you know nothing about. Be kind, always.

    Speak louder. Wear heels. Go to the spa in the middle of the week and make your nails. Look for books that transform you, that leave you nursing a hangover.Discard some people. Really, do it. You can only try to save people for so long. Their demons are not yours to fight. Don’t apologise for walking away.

    Dream. Whichever way you want to. Find friends who know your truest self. As it is now, there are only two. Treasure them.

    Dance. Listen to good music. Life is far too more precious for you to waste it on lame songs. Dress yourself well.

    There are a lot of people who don’t understand the beauty of spiritual faith. There is a lot of arrogance in religious circles. That is not your space. Do not be a religious fundamentalist. It is not your job to preach to others on why your religion is the right one. Simply put, love the Lord. Draw yourself closer to the infinite grace and source of life. Be a doer rather than a talker. You become a truer proof that way.

    Respect diversity. People are multifaceted. There is never a single stereotype that holds truth. Discard them. Know people. Learn their stories. Discard the boundaries. Understand where other people are coming from.

    Most importantly, never settle.Live fiercely. Love fiercely. Be true to yourself in every sense there is.

    Be alive.

    4
  312. I have learn that the best gift i can give to myself is being true to my inner man, and being kind to others for it helps when it is paid forward.

  313. I’m 26 and major lessons learnt so far life is not black and white. It is gray so whatever has happened I have learnt to love and appreciate it.
    Also there are no real mistakes, just lessons and experiences.

    1
  314. Happy 40th birthday Biko! Thanks for making my Tuesdays!
    What I’ve learnt in my 30s is ‘Run your race ‘ . Don’t compare yourself to other people, just do you.

  315. Thanks Biko!!

    Late 20s… Remain true to yourself.
    Don’t expect much from anyone, including your so-called best friend.
    Laugh, laugh, laugh…. Choose to be happy.
    It is okay to be SELFISH once in a while.
    Doesn’t matter what ‘they’ say

  316. Life will you fuck you up ! ! Mann it will fuck you up ! !

    There days you will experience pain, those days you will just lie on the floor. The floor is cold and peaceful.

    There days you wont be able to hold back your tears, you will breakdown in public and a stranger will hand you a napkin.

    There days you will laugh with strangers till you stomach aches.

    There days your friend will show up with a bottle of Absolut Raspberri and that will be the best thing that has happened to you in a very long while.

    You will find beauty in music ,

    You will find beauty in people ,

    You will find beauty in everything , if you just look for it.

    No matter how fucked up life gets ! ! Life is beautiful..

    Just Dance It Out ! !

    The good , the bad , the pain.

    Always dance it out, get lost in the music , get lost in the lyrics.

    Just Dance It Out 🙂

    3
  317. At 34 I have just started living life for me and not the public. If it pleases me I do it, it’s making people around me uncomfortable but I love it!
    Happy 40th chocolate man, God bless you with many more.

  318. Confidence is build from the inside….bad things happen,it takes time to heal over them but at the end of the day everything comes back to normal.

  319. Happy birthday in advance Biko! I turned 30 this year. Mine is a simple lesson in relation to relating to food: moderation is key.

  320. 1.Life will throw a punch. Punch back. Harder.Life will knock you down. For heaven’s sake, Do Not stay Down. Get back up and knock it back. Harder.
    2.Give time time. Nothing’s permanent.
    3.Practice gratitude as much as possible, as often as possible.

  321. Just joined the third floor two weeks ago. What have i learnt in life? That shit will come your way, and at the time you will not consider yourself equipped to handle it. but you are and you will and you will come out much better on the other side. That and sorrow lasts for a night, the morning will come.

    1
  322. I’m turning 25 and all I want to tell myself after reading your piece is “stop apologizing.” Unlike most 25-year-olds, I’m doing ‘well for myself,’ something I never dreamed of. Most times, I downplay my achievements to avoid being cut off from circles. Growing up, I was sold the single story, “you must struggle in your twenties,” and now that it’s not the case, it often feels like I’m living a lie.

    5
  323. I have learnt to thank God for what I have and who I am; then I am able to get through today and brace myself for the uncertainty of tomorrow.

  324. You will also realise
    quickly that people never disappoint
    you, what disappoints you are your
    expectations of them. Adjust them
    and nobody will ever disappoint you.

    My greatest lesson in the 27 years I have been around.

  325. That was a really nice article. Thank you.
    What I have learnt in life is that it does not matter how long you live but how you live. My mom (may she rest in peace) did not see me to my 20s but she lives in me till now because how she lived impacted my life. Also the pain of loosing a parent never leaves you.

    2
  326. We often go looking for advise and do find it many times but do we always follow it? Rarely. I’ve read Biko every week and I do learn something new. I’ve sat through motivational sessions and move out with certainty that I’m a changed person but always go back to my habits (procrastination, waiting on the wrong lover, looking for completion in other people). One thing I’ve learnt, is that “you will know when you know”. Everything will make sense eventually.

    One day, something will happen-a trigger, a sign and you will on your own move on from that habit or bad experience you’ve been holding onto for long. For now, don’t stress out. If you are not getting it right, you will eventually get it. Live life.

    3
  327. Happy 40th Biko!
    At 24
    1.Never feel the need to explain yourself.
    2.Not everyone should like you, and that is okay.
    3.Your “friends” will stop talking to you for no reason and that is okay people change.
    4.Worry but not too much

    2
  328. Back in 2014, I picked this gem of wisdom from one of your Saturday nation articles, that life has a pace of its own .

    The 50/30/20 rule of thumb for budgeting (its hard but worthwhile)

    Do not tell people your plans, they ruin them!

    Above all stay happy even when happiness is far from grasp!

    1
  329. Happy Birthday Biko!
    People never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them, adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.( this is deep, very deep) but my greatest lessons in life is that no condition is permanent & some battles are not yours to fight, for their is a more supreme one to fight for you so live each day as you wake and only be grateful and humble for humility will take you to greater heights.
    Love you Biko!

    1
  330. Fourth floor for me is 2yrs out.I have been auctioned, I have lived in the best neighbourhoods, I have neglected my family because I had mullah in my pocket… But 3yrs to this date I saw the light.Got saved.turned a new leaf.while I can’t make up for my myriad of mistakes God has seen to it that with the same zeal I made them-i serve him.
    Sometimes the past wants to catch up with me but he leads my way.
    I have rededicated my energies to my family, and poured myself in my passions.well like the big man says-he will give me back the days the locust stole!

    I know he’ll make everything good in his time.I worry less and take each day as it comes.
    God doesn’t lie like men.
    He honors his word.

    If I drove and owned several businesses when I didn’t know him, how much more now!

    6
  331. I am a few years from fourth floor. I have learnt a few things in my thirty-something years; Half of the things we worry about will never happen anyway! It’s never that serious. Do not kill yourself for a job that will replace you within a week if you dropped dead!

    Happy happy birthday Biko! May you live to be toothless

    1
  332. My one lesson: life goes on. No matter how bad things get, life goes on. And the only way to stay sane is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep living.

  333. Happy Birthday Biko
    Keep off negative energy, look around you the universe is full of positive energy, learn from it, drink from it.
    At the fourth floor life begins, its a happy place!! its my word and my world

    Keep them articles coming

  334. 24 and the second half of my twenties is terrifying. In my short life span I have seen my mother murdered, had a dad who did not want to take care of his kids, lived with relatives my whole life, kicked out of home at 19, left an abusive relationship, been too broke to survive, crawled out of the darkness and been then the single girl who everyone wonders why she is single. Nevertheless, I have had wonderful moments too. Like having a nurturing home in my formative years, working hard and going to the best schools on merit, made friends that have become family and lucky to have a career I love.
    My biggest lesson in my short years of living is to you remember that you are allowed to encounter many defeats but you are never allowed to be defeated
    As Margaret Ogola wrote in The river and the source: “Life does not always turn out exactly as we want it or as we expect it to. Once in a while it may give you a blow from which you think you cannot recover, but if you still have breath in you, always reel back and continue fighting. Yesterday is not today and today is not tomorrow. Each day rises fresh from the hands of God bringing with it what it will.”

    13
  335. I am 30 and working for the typical mhindi company. Its my second month and frustration is an understatement. On my first day at work, I was given a desktop whose keyboard was broken. I asked the IT manager (another Indian asshole) to get me another keyboard. He said, “write an email to the MD, requesting for a new keyboard” How the f* will I write the email if my keyboard is non-functional? Biko, should I leave before I kill my boss?

    3
  336. At 25, I have learnt the value in letting go.
    I got a tooth extracted the other day, worst pain ever! Yes, I am already losing teeth in my twenties. I felt similar pain when I walked out of a one year marriage, at 24. I stopped seeing the light, I thought my life was over. (Imagine) Ha!
    I started over, in an empty house, an empty bank account, but a heart full of hope and love for my son and family.

    Ignoring that crack in my tooth led to its decay, to terrible terrible pain, and eventually, I lost it.
    Ignoring all the bad signs in that relationship led to pain, loss, esteem issues, and eventually, I lost it.

    My son has taught me the joys of being extra young again, how to laugh at the reflection of his bathing water on the ceiling, how to pinch the cat because I trust, and have no clue that it will bite me, how to live life with energy even if it means falling down over and over again, how to forget the pain so easily, because something very beautiful lies on the other side.

    9
  337. Stick to your lane, go at your own pace and don’t be apologetic about it. Never compare. Be you, do you.

    Love the article Biko

  338. I have learnt that:

    1. You will fall in and out of love, a significant other today may not be a significant other tomorrow and that’s okay
    2. You will be blue ticked at some point and that’s okay
    3. You will want out of your job at some point and that’s okay
    4. You will stagnate at some point and that’s okay too
    5. You will be screwed by the unexpected sometimes, and that’s still okay
    6. But in all this, don’t lose the good in you; guard that jealously. Treat people as you would them treat you, be kind to kids, respect everybody even beggars, then believe and have faith, then believe some more, the puzzles will fit eventually.

    2
  339. Speaking of 40 not being far “blink and u will be there” it sure isn’t far, am almost there and I’ve learnt that happiness sure comes from within and in this life people will always disappoint you, but you should never let that pull you down.. enjoy your whiskey and view… Cheers

    1
  340. I turned thirty last week. My lessons from life so far:
    1.Learn to forgive yourself because you will make mistakes, some of epic proportions.
    2.It’s OKAY to want to be many things and wear different hats. The one true calling thing is one of life’s biggest scams!
    3.Your happiness isn’t and never will be tied to another individual. BE HAPPY! I learned this when I was 25.
    4.Take the time to know who you are. You are constantly evolving and it’s wonderful! Learn to spend time on your own. (This one’s easy because I’m introverted)
    5.We are all born into families we didn’t get to decide on that. Your friends are the family you choose for yourself. Choose wisely!
    6.Do not be afraid to fail. It’s better to try and fail than live with the what if’s. I’ve made this mistake several times.
    7.NEVER STOP LEARNING! Seriously, the world is changing by leaps and bounds.

    1
  341. I have learnt that if it is too much for me, it’s okay to let go even when I think my world will end if I do because it hasn’t so far, thank God for that.

  342. I’m 40
    I didn’t know what I wanted to practice as a profession till about 35
    I’d rather have 2 genuine friends than hordes of inauthentic ones
    I prefer to be around those who understand that am an empath and I find a lot of peace by shutting off those who do not
    You can make your awesome friends your family
    Happiness truly is, not caring so much about what others think of you
    Happy birthday Biko

    2
  343. John 7: Therefore Jesus told them “My time is not yet here, for you any time will do…I have learnt that for the world any time will do, but in God’s time it shall happen.

    1
  344. am almost 28yrs and i have learnt quite a few things:
    1. my happiness and peace of mind is my choice
    2. love with your 2 cents
    3. one good friend is better than a hundred ‘friends’
    4. my sisters(family) are my life
    5. never ever lend money to friends.
    6. respect is earned
    7. walk away if its not worth it
    8. never lose sleep or appetite over anyone or anything

  345. I looooove this “Definitions belong to definers not the defined.” It is so true. I just got to 3rd floor and one thing I always tell myself is that I define my ‘Happy place’ and I am in charge of my happiness. This normally involves a lot of consciousness whenever I feel like something is threatening my happiness and I decide whether to give it power or cut it off at it’s knees. And even when I let something affect me and I feel like I do not have much control “those times emotions just creep up on you”, I tell myself to go through the motions, learn what I need to and come out stronger on the other side. Always works like a charm.
    Happy birthday chocolate man. I sure am glad you exist. May God give you long life so you can keep regaling us with your tales.

    1
  346. At 29, turning 30 in a few weeks, i have learnt that good health is wealth, and the greatest of them all. When i was
    diagnosed with an auto Immune disorder, where your immune system turns against you(worst form betrayal) that’s when this lesson sunk hard. Don’t take for granted that you are in perfect health. It’s worth more than all the other material things we keep chasing for.

    Life will slow you down and throw you off balance, your tender heart will quell storms you never imagined you could overcome. Above all the greatest thing i have learnt to be Still and Know He is God. At times it be hard to understand even your own self but just be still.

    1
  347. God is real. He hears, He cares, He knows, He speaks and He has a plan…you need only be still and trust in Him.

    2
  348. “Be who you are not who the world wants you to be”

    I’m thinking about quitting my job, makes me so miserable…here is to courage to take the leap, so help me God!

    1
  349. I’m about to turn 27. My greatest lessons so far;
    – God always has your back. No matter the circumstances He always has your back.
    – It is okay to be selfish sometimes. Put yourself first once in a while.
    – Never have high expectations in people, they are bound to always disappoint you.
    – You are your own source of happiness. Do not depend on other people to be happy.

    1
  350. I’ve learned that apparently one day, you will wake up and delete people you knew and thought you were close to. It will be a drunken December and someone will say something in a whatsapp group of your 4 girls that you’ve almost done life with…then suddenly it will hit you that you’ve outgrown their way of thinking and exit the group in a huff. You will panic about your actions wondering if it was a drunken move and how you will have to ask to join back. But you will wake up and not remember, and when you do, you will find that a load has been lifted off your chest and you can be anything you want once again..it will be a year of no contact but the irony of it all turns out you can walk away and never even have to go down any painful healing process. Its okay to delete people. Not every friendship was built to last forever.

    4
  351. Amazing piece.So far i have learnt happiness is an inside job.I make my own happiness and apparently brushing your teeth before bed actually helps.These dentists are bleeding me dry with root-canals and fillings.Oh I almost forgot ,the friend-zone is real.

    1
  352. My advise: live your life by your standards and not by those who want to push you to do their will, as long as you do no harm to another human being.

  353. Note to younger self: it is ok to not be ok! Depression comes and goes. At your lowest moment, you will learn how to be there for yourself – to be strong for you, to soldier on, and to find new coping mechanisms. Because no one will be there for you but you. And you will learn to deal with that too. At your lowest you will also lose so much; people, job, friendships, your one relationship that you thought would hold through it all, sanity, will to live – but in the end, when you survive, you will have no ‘baggage’ left and you will be sad for a while but it gets better I promise. You will learn how to get out of the house again, how to love again, how to live again – or just get by. One more thing, your mother will be there for you in ways you will not imagine – wacha tu!! Too much love for this one. But there will get a time when you will get better, it gets better I promise.

    Happy birthday Biko, enjoy the fourth floor and much more!!

  354. I have learnt that even family disappoints, and you have to sometimes hit rock bottom to realize who matters, what matters and most importantly how you stand up from that. People will just judge who you are and not what you are, but eventually it will be well

  355. Happy birthday Biko. Enjoy the fourth floor. And to the young ones here, don’t fear self employment. It’s liberating.

  356. On the second floor I am learning that:
    1.In all things, we are who we think we are.I would do myself great injustice if I leave my identity ball in someone else’s court.
    2.That it is extremely important to be present in all that we do:this shapes our experiences and informs us of who we are.
    3.That I should valiantly hold my pen as I get to write my story.
    4.That actions speak where words fail. Pay attention.
    5.That am not everyone and therefore my story will be different and that is okay.
    6.That I need to be more kind, more humble, more giving, more loving, more forgiving…more.
    7.That it is better to try and fail than sit back and do nothing.
    8.That love is a most sober feeling and choice.
    9.Giving today my all because tomorrow is not promised.
    10. That home is the best medicine.

    1
  357. Man, I really needed this. Am in a spot where I don’t know where my life is headed. I worry if what am planning will work out. I have had a few fuck ups including missing the birth of my daughter. That shit haunts me. Worse, ain’t met her yet. Long story. Anyhow, thanks a bunch for this and happiest birthday. Rock it.
    Life lesson; If life is a joke, death is the punchline.

    3
    1. You will make more stupid mistakes doing the best you can. Its a strange thing but it means you are trying. You have to know what you want and know where you want to go. A clear focused goal for your life.

  358. Sometimes it is okay to cry in the dark, that moment you shove your pride as a black man to the small corner in your closet where you hide your condoms. And you let it all flow like the rivers of milk in the promised land, and as the last balcony light flickers off, you pick that tetra pack of brookside milk in the fridge and wash down your pain in the most unorthodox style known to man. Well you still go to sleep with a smile, not sure if it’s because all the demons swam out through your eyes or it’s the thought of how for the first time, milk surprisingly took over the job of whiskey.

    4
  359. At 31 i’ve learned that
    1) Summiting a peak leads to higher peaks. Stay hungry.
    2) Doing the hard thing pays off. Don’t think about it too much, just do it.
    3) Mental health is not to be taken for granted. Choose yourself and the things that make your soul sing.

  360. Great life lessons! I can relate to almost all of them. I have learnt so many things in my 27years of life: I am responsible for my happiness (a lesson I learnt after a few heartbreaks); life is too short to work in a crappy workplace (this I realized after I shed tears because of a confrontation with my supervisor, handed in my resignation a few weeks later); some people will leave your life but that’s okay because you will meet and make new friends; not all people are going to like you; and don’t compare yourself to anyone, there will always be someone better, richer, smarter etc than you, compare who you are today to who you were the day before, are you any better?

    1
  361. At 35, I gave up my office cubicle in a well paying IT job here in Perth Australia for music… DJing. I turned 39 last week and although it feels like I am on 4th floor already I have learnt one important thing. There is never a good reason not do what you love. No one gives a shit. No one…well apart from me. Its all about how we spend God given time here on this dimension. Its a beautiful gift. I love being infront of an audience thats ready to kiss me and crucify me in similar proportion because of the next tune I play!!!! In that madness i find my quiet place. I am glad to have found God in the process.

    1
  362. In your early 20’s you will take a leap of faith and fly out to a far eastern land that neighbors the dreaded ‘Rocket man’ Kim Jung Un to the North. You will experience a new world and a colossal door leading to all kinds of opportunities. The first few years will be tough, you will miss home and cry yourself to sleep …then one day you will forget how it feels to be back in the 254 and spend all your weekends listening to Kenyan radio, live streaming in a futile effort to feel connected to your motherland.

  363. I’ve learned many things in these few decades on earth but the most important one being LOVE; to love myself and others everyday regardless what happens. And to keep going, everyday!

  364. Happy birthday Biko.
    This is a very deep article.
    My lessons
    I was not created to please people. I was born to fulfill my purpose. By the way it is impossible to try pleasing people ( everyone.)

    Sometimes people who are not even your family or relatives will do much more for you.

    Forgiveness is for me, not the other person. forgive even when the person has not apologized. It’s like buying prepaid bundles. Invest in pre-used forgiveness.

    Sometimes life happens. Pick yourself up, dot stop trying.

    You can never control your children. Maybe you can when they are infants with all that nonsense about sleep training this and that. But as soon as they can speak and spell their names, your controlling power over them begins to diminish.

    It’s never that serious have a samosa or two.

    Love is crazy. It’s both joy and pain at the same time.

    God is real. And we’ll sometimes a poor mathematician. It’s is advisable to believe in a higher power.

    That professors don’t know everything. They just know a bit of something excellently well.

    1
  365. At 30, i have learnt that it’s ok to be selfish; to put yourself first and learn that you can’t please everyone or be everything to everybody and that is ok. Live your life how you want to, raise your kids the way you know how to. No one has a marking scheme in this thing called life, everybody is just swinging it. But always practice kindness, it makes all the difference.

    1
  366. The best index to a person’s character is how they treat people who can’t do them any good and how they treat people who can’t fight back.

    1
  367. This is an awesome read! I have learned so many things in my 30s but what has stood out for me is that , everyday is a new day to be you and begin something new,its never too late to START!
    Happy 40th Biko

  368. Beautiful as always Biko. Let’s all challenge ourselves to write something to our younger selves no?
    I’ve learnt the most dangerous thing you can do is live for others. Unhappiness will slowly seep into your soul and become part of you. Downright dangerous.

    1
  369. Happy birthday Biko, how does the 4th floor look/feel like? Well, I am almost on the 3rd floor, this blog is like a lens to the triumphs and failures that await me. I just hope that God will give me sufficient grace to face them head on.

  370. Do you, the world will adjust, it’s never that serious, C’est La Vie, Everything heals…
    Great read. Taken pointers.

  371. “It’s fine if you don’t know. It’s fine if you don’t have a plan” this statement is true. It is also true that you should start saving even when you earn very little. Just save, even when you don’t have a plan 🙂

  372. AT 27 you won’t be putting up your first house or in a marriage but….funny enough you won’t judge yourself like you judged those other girls when you thought they were too picky…If anything you’ll just turn the other cheek and suddenly lose all interest actually and you will look into the opportunities available for creating a life you love…You will value your peace of mind more than recognition or accolades…You’ll be very skeptical about female friendships but there are wonderful girls out there who are rooting for each other from a point of genuine love and positive energy…You still won’t understand feminism though because labels (all kinds) may never be your kind of thing after all

    You will actually let go off your dad and all the fears of trying to please him and be this “perfect” daughter.. some people are just the way they are and you must accept that some will be very close to you as dictated by fate. You will walk out… first, mentally then eventually physically…you will look out for yourself for the first time and not apologize for choosing happiness over compromise. You will be fine

    3
  373. What i’ve learnt in my half century life so far ( yes , almost 50 ) Mothers are basically part of a scientific experiment to prove that sleep is not a crucial part of human life and we never stop worrying about our children no matter how old they are

    5
  374. Almost on 4th floor now, I have learnt to not to worry! So much of what I worried about in my 20’s and 30’s doesn’t matter much now. Let God and all will be well.

  375. Happy 40th Biko, to good health and many more. Two things I have learnt over the last 3.5 decades, Don’t sweat the small stuff and Run your own race..!

    1
  376. “You will also realise quickly that people never disappoint you, what disappoints you are your expectations of them. Adjust them and nobody will ever disappoint you.”

    1
  377. I am turning 26 in Dec, so far I have learnt that life goes on no matter what. This is my 3rd week out of my 3 year relationshp and guess what my heart no longer hurts i mourned and for 2 days and now am happy.I also learnt that love is NOT reason enough to stay in a rshp

    2
  378. At 25, you will have a job at one of the leading ,multi-nationals in the world. Trying so hard to build something out of your career but your realize that the systems do not favour you. The worst part is that you have been single for the last 3 years since you haven’t met the right one yet!!

  379. I have learned to be at peace with my pain no matter where it comes from. To let it hang out with me until I have learned all the lessons I need to move forward. When you think about it when you are not trying to run away, pain has a way of clarifying why you made the choices you did and why you chose particular people to cast in those decisions. I have learned to be patient with the ‘in-between’ and to appreciate it instead of anxiously waiting to arrive at the perfect state.It is does not exist.

  380. Those things that are weak about you, there are no shortcuts about them. Especially if you are serious about God. Those things have the potential to utterly ruin your family, your life, your career, and you (yes, there is a difference between you and your life). Those things must be met. They must be confronted. They must be dealt with. To some extent, men can be measured by their ability to confront. So if the confrontation is going to happen, the earlier you deal with it the better.

    [The great thing is, if God is serious about you, they will be. He just doesn’t let them run on.]

    The confrontation will be hard. It will take honesty. And it will cause pain because of how much we love ourselves. But I can promise you this: those who have always lived in the sunshine cannot appreciate the sunlight in the same way that those who have walked through a long, dark night and stepped out into morning’s light can.

  381. What I have learnt about life I can sum it up with this quote from Johnny Walker’s advert ” In the race of life you will not be judged by how great you started but how great you finish, so keep walking”, and always be humble and kind.

    1
  382. At 33, i have learnt:

    On people: Try as much as you can to see the best in each person and to love them; because we all could do with some love

    On love: It’s important to get to know the other person first before rushing to serious commitments. What our parents taught us about courting still holds #backtobasics. And it’s important that you find yourself first and also make sure the other person has found him/herself.

    On parenting: Presence is key, grab every opportunity to spend time with your child, especially during the younger years. It’s worth more than any present. And while at it give them love: talk with them and look into their eyes, play with them, touch them (appropriately of course), read and sing together.

    On starting a business from scratch: I could write a book on this topic. Someday i will share my story with Biko for his blog. But i can tell you, it’s not for the faint hearted. Before you can get to the stage of working smart, a lot of hard-work goes into it.

    On money: Start saving early, take care of it by making sure you get value for it, give where you can. And never underestimate the power of ‘small’ money.

    On friends: Maintain a lean premium. Along the path of life fake ones fall off, it’s ok, don’t feel sad, move on and celebrate and love the true and deep ones.

    Lastly, GOD IS SUPREME! find Him, honour Him, have faith in Him, ask Him for guidance, read and meditate on His Word and talk to Him as many times as possible.

    4
  383. Happy birthday, baba!

    At 22, these are indeed confusing times.

    Awesome read as always. Keep up the good work, good sir.

    To more life!

  384. At 21 you’ll find out you’re pregnant and you’ll depress yourself over you being a failure. You’ll lose some friends and you’ll use the pregnancy hormones to rid yourself of some people in your life, amen to that.

    The wife to your mother will make your life a living hell by threatening your life constantly.

    You’ll keep attending college a day eating food on the corridors because your child apparently doesn’t care where you are. He needs to be constantly fed.

    You’ll graduate from college looking like a hippopotamus!!!

    At 36wks you’ll attend your pre-natal check ups only to be admitted with HBP!! No one has it in your family, so maybe you are a pioneer at something in the least. You’ll be discharged on a Monday. On Saturday you’ll spend your time in the salon confusing labour pains with Brixton hicks. You’ll sleep on it through the night only to be rushed to the hospital and arrive at 8:30a.m. Within a period of 5mins,your baby has no heartbeat. He’s declared dead. Apparently he died two days before labour. You’ll go through the pushing amidst screams by the nurses. Push, you can do it, just a little more,we are here with you, just listen to the music (they had the music on, Gospel to be precise), you’ll be fine!!!

    You make it through with little knowledge of Where’s right or left. Outside the labour room, you’ll find an angel with arms widespread. You’ll run into them and feel secure, bless our mums.

    You’ll mourn and curse the world for not stopping to mourn with you.

    One day you’ll wake up and realise that it’s freaking 2017!!how did I even make it through. You’ll be proud because you will have made it through.

    Then one day you’ll wonder what’s the use of your certificate because you feel inspired to something completely different from what you’ve always wanted. Things will later become clearer but you won’t act on it.

    At 22 you’ll realise you don’t wanna die of stress or worse depression. So you now dance to the song in your head on the streets and not care because it’s your life and you owe no one any explanations!!! You will later realise, YOUR LIFE HAS JUST BEGAN… AT LAST

    8
  385. When you realize you’re trying too hard, stop. If you stretch yourself too much you’ll break. Job, relationship, ponytail, dressing, humour; don’t force it. Forced things are shit.

  386. Happy birthday chocolate man on this very day that you finally get to step on the much talked about 4th floor.
    When I turned 25 this year I learnt a lot of things.
    1) With age comes wisdom. If an elderly tells you something you better listen and then think about what she/he said. Most of the time I might wine and think that they are old fashioned but they are right 99% of the time. For me age has also made me wiser. I have become wise to know not to speak when someone else is speaking. I have known to listen and practice what I consider good.
    2) As you said Biko never compare yourself with others. We are all in a race and everyone is running at their own pace. In the end we all reach the finish line. Finish in style. When almost all my pals are married and busy popping kids I have learnt to wait on God. Comparison only brings sadness.
    3)I have become more and more content with what I have at the moment and notice the small victories I have now. Atleast now I remember to thank God everyday for what I have. Being happy makes everything fall in its place.
    4) Everyone has their own time to get whatever it is that they want. Be it a job, a car, a house, a husband, kids, or a business it all comes to those who are patient.

  387. At 33, my greatest fear came true. The fear of financial insecurity after losing a high paying job. With a young family to support, the future looked bleak. Indeed as you out it, winter eventually comes. Best be pepared when it does.

    2 years in have taught me hard and most importantly valuable lessons in grit and entrepreneurship that 10 years of employment never could. To the extent i wish I’d have lost my job much earlier.

    Only going through such a challenge could I arrive at a position where I have clarity of vision of where Im headed in life.

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    1. I can relate. I resigned last year and the lessons i have learnt trying to grow a business from scratch could earn me a Masters from any of the Ivy League Universities.

  388. Just got to the third floor…..your journey before the fourth floor has made me ask myself what would I like to be different from my twenties where I got my 1 st serious date….got a daughter….suffered a break up…..the sleepless nights Dont last,you got to dust yourself up and move on.I get torn between using my energy to fight him or grow me….love me and see this beautiful girl grow…yeah that’s how I would like my third floor to be like.That I will love myself more….explore my untapped abilities and smile at the sun each day like victory is mine.
    As you put it ….to be able to adjust my expectations of people so that I Dont get dissapointed…and yes..go back to singing more…my voice is getting better,its one thing that excites me other than getting a good book to read.I look forward to building lasting genuine friendships….and not working too hard for my boss like in my twenties…..time for family is paramount!!
    Happy 4th floor Biko.Let’s do this

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  389. I read a lot of your musings, Biko. None has been so deep as this is. You sound hurt and raw. As if a mentee has hurt you real bad. By not understanding your point of view. It like appears like you have reached that part where you cannot change their worldview anymore. Someone younger who needs or rather who you thought you needed your wisdom. You have tried and failed. The door has been shut. You stand out in the cold, figuratively shouting for anyone who can hear your plea. Nothing going. That person is not listening or reacting. The mentee has created an impenetrable wall. You have now resorted to advising them through your blog. People who are in or have been in the same predicament have now joined you. They may not be the target but they will do, for now, Misery loves company. Biko, you need to start a church, because you can really preach and persuade a “congregation.”

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  390. That mr right is an illusion and mr wrong may sometimes be elusive too. People are not perfect.That nothing is as pure and beautiful as a child’s hug. That trying to measure up is an effort in futility. Chasing perfection is like chasing the wind. That ‘the bed you make is the bed you will come back to sleep in’
    May 4th floor be awesome, happy birthday ba Tamms.

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  391. Happy Birthday Biko … You are the man. My lesson glad I discovered Now at 24, Jesus in you is all that matters. Seek first the kingdom and the rest shall be added unto you.

  392. I am 46. A decade ago, I used to be so energetic by forcing younger people to follow in my footsteps until one of them showed me he could carve out their own path. Now I only bother with my life and those who care to seek me out.

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  393. This week’s article is the best to me,much life lessons learnt. Oh, what a good read!!! Real Inspiration!!!. I feel like reading it over and over again. I love it to bits.
    Happy belated birthday brother Biko even as you get to the 4th floor
    .#Blessingsgalore#

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  394. My happiness is only defined by someone else if I allowed it.I turned 39 two days ago an for surefourth floor is right around the corner.and guess what I’m looking forward………

  395. The thing i have resonated with most during my mid thirties and above life is the Serenity Prayer…..esp the section that says “…to accept the things i cannot change….”
    I have also learnt to chose my battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff! (small stuff is defined by YOU)

  396. At 25,you will lose your brother who was your support system,your favorite person in the whole world.And your world will come crumbling down…nothing makes sense anymore.

  397. Hey Biko! Happy birthday man, and welcome to fourth floor, the scenery is amazing from up here…and life has just begun! I turned 40 this year in April and have amazing lessons behind me. I have since learned to love myself (something not natural)..as I had this thing of putting everyone’s needs above mine. After forty, that changed. Took a trip all by myself 10,000 miles to reflect on my life…and here are my musings:

    1. No one really care what you are, what you do or say….as long as it doesn’t hurt them
    2. At the end of each day, each week, each year…you are all you are. There is no one else but you. People come and go, others linger on in your life for a while, others remain forever. You choose some of the ones who remain forever and others, God just brings them on to your path.
    3. I have learned that WE ARE ALL ONE, however hard that may be to explain. We are made of the same stuff that LIFE IS, and we are extensions of the I AM experiencing physicality though humanity. Simply put, we are spiritual beings in a body, not the other way round.
    4. The lessons in my life taught me, that nothing really lasts forever…even us.
    5. Life is Awesomely beautiful!!!! Live it, love it…..
    6. Traveling makes your soul soar…so do so often!

    Many thanks to you, for your wonderful articles!!!

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  398. Something I was looking forward to is MISSING! Mama Tamms and Kim – meeting, dating, ruracio, married etc……………

  399. 33 may be my best.
    that is next year
    i am praying day by day for this human being that chose me among all the women in this world. its incredible

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  400. I am late to the party…could we have last to comment recognition as well? I wish I could put this in the favorites section like we do save on IG or Fb, But all in all, Confidence is built from the inside, happiness and being content starts with me, and what people got to offer should be good vibe, honesty, impact on others with a clean heart…the materials are just a bonus. My life lessons so far, I want to re-read this when I am thirty.

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  401. My darling, please forgive yourself for whatever burden you are carrying. That that burden is really yours is another thing, but please let it go. You are losing too much. You will then look back and say I should have….. So that we do not have that conversation, I am begging you now.
    You will grow like fine wine. But the world will test you. Please, do not lose your beautiful soul and heart. You will have earned that beautiful soul through your painful past (that you need to let go of); dead parents, no money, friends falling off like flies, those that remain draining whatever good they can get out of you, having no one to turn to, dark nights of pain and tears, and everything else that you will have gone through that you would never open up to talk about. Not even to a priest in the middle of a 200 acres land, for all you care, wind might just carry the story. Because in all that, you only had God to hold onto, which later you will realize was a good thing, He will bless you with a beautiful heart and soul. Human beings will only see that soul, they will never be keen to ask how you got there. Instead they will tell you things like love yourself first, you are not Jesus, do not put up with crap…. But you know yourself best. You will know that you are always there for people because you know what it means not to have anyone to run to. You will be selfless because you know that there may be someone hurting but cannot say more than they have asked of you. You will want to be like Jesus because Jesus was there in that pain. If you listen to people long enough, you will soon begin to change. It is true that there will be those who will use you for selfish gain rather than real need. But because it is God who gave you that soul, that kind heart, He will bless you with wisdom too. Keep trusting Him. Please remember, there are things that once you lose, you CAN NEVER get back. A beautiful soul is one of them. Once you go black, you can’t go back.
    You will have a low self-esteem. Low in this case is an understatement. Timid as hell. You will know where it came from and how it happened. You will want to please people so that they can stay. You will want their approval because everything you did was once always wrong. At times you will conflict yourself on whether you are being kind or just pleasing. I am here with good news, one day in a split of a second, a miracle will happen. It will all change. You will be a confident, intelligent, happy young lady. Those who need to screw themselves, you will tell as much without wincing. Those who think you are not pretty enough, you will tell them that is their problem to solve. You will speak your mind. You will stand your ground. I would like to warn you though, there are people who became your friend because you would do anything for them. When you start to say no, they will tell you you have changed in a demeaning way. Others will stop being your friend. It will include some who you truly and really love. I am sorry that I cannot protect you from that. But please do not beg them to stay because you are hurting, do not doubt yourself. Keep your eyes on God, He will see you though. Maaaannny years later, you will read Biko’s article on letter to self. He will say something like “Confidence is built from the inside, never the outside. So fill yourself with things that build you.” And you will understand that the confidence you built and God’s grace, you made it through. Because sometimes, when you move from having nothing to something, you are in fear of losing it all again, so you cling even to what is bad for you. Only real confidence in self can allow you to let it go. If you did it before, you can do it again. Even for God to help you, you have to work on yourself too.
    You are too detailed darling. It must be perfect. And that is ok. But please learn now, it is not always that serious. You will learn that eventually, but the sooner you learn, the less headache and more space to do other things. You are a bright girl, I do not need to go into detail. And Madam, please remember to breath. Your lungs and heart need this.
    One day you will be gossiping with one of your many older sisters. And in her sarcasm, she will say, “that bitch needs to see the bigger picture” as she draws the humongous picture in the air. Leave the bitch part of the big picture. Keep the statement. It will help you in many ways. You will do a lot by asking yourself what the big picture is in situations. There are things you will be able to let go of. Others you will keep when others do not understand why and think you should let go. There are those which you will procrastinate. You will be able to reprioritize because you will have understood the big picture from the onset. And sometimes you will be wrong, but that is ok. That is life. There will be more wins in seeing and understanding the big picture.
    My big punch to you. You will think you have seen it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. Just because you had a past, does not mean you have seen it all. There is so much more in the world. There are worse or less pains. There are things to learn from the world beside your own experience. That is why I asked you to first let it go. Because I am you, I know you will learn this eventually, still in your 20s. But I think the sooner you learn, the better. There is so much more to life. Good and bad. Somethings you may never envisage or even on an idle day wonder about. Allow your mind to learn. You can only learn when you know there is something to learn. I need to add that it is not out of malice, but naturally, you will think since you have seen it or heard about it, the story is the same, or it may be different but same ending. This will be you leaning but with partiality. You will learn but never understand. If you do not understand, there is no point learning to begin with. There are times when there has been same script, same directors, same casts, but the writer may decide on a different ending. N that is where the learning is. N everything else is now different. Go in with an open mind and a humble heart.
    Your biggest regret will be, “I should have enjoyed life more!” You will start enjoying life at some point yes. But darling, even the bible says, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, there is a time for everything and 1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I speak as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Enjoy each season….
    You will love reading. One day you will read about a lady working as an engineer. She is among the first women in that field. As usual, relationships always come up even when people are talking about grass. After all, love makes the world go round. She will say, “…. marriage is hard but worth it. Even in the bible. Jesus loved the church and the only thing he compared the church to is marriage. We know what He went through for the church….” I am telling you this early because there are pains that love will take you through that normal sanity cannot begin to comprehend. Ai yawa love can take take you through things….. Anyway….
    You will go to your sister’s graduation. As usual, you will not be able to see much if at all. So you will ask a grey haired guy for his newspaper when he is done. In the magazine, there will be an article on marriage. I think he will be waiting for you to get to that page, he will ask your thoughts on marriage. Who asks a 19 year old about marriage? But it is never too early to start. He will tell you many things. One thing will stand out. He will tell you, “A man is born to be a king. Please treat your husband like a king and many things will work in your favor if not all” I am still not married, so I do not know if this is true. I am telling you this so that when you are seated under the scorching sun in Athi River, look out for this man. He is wise and has a good sense of humor. Ask him all sorts of questions. I think he has a lot to offer. I wish I had….
    There is so much to tell you. So much. That I have experienced or learnt through others. But I will end it here. Generally, you are a FINE LADY. I am proud of you sugar.

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  402. Happy Birthday chocolate man!Let life begin!

    I have learnt a few lessons with age, the biggest being “LET GO AND LET GOD”!

    Kindness is free, so be kind.

    Happiness is not for sale, never been and never will be!

    Success is perspectival..

    I was born to live life on my own terms, make the best out of it or worst, whatever choice i wish to make because we all have the power of choice.

    I have learnt that i am my own brand and everywhere i go i represent this brand………….

    And finally, I am the best thing that happened to the universe, so live life to the max, with zero apologies and so self love is not an option!!

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  403. Motherhood chose me when I was least prepared for it but God Has been gracious. I found myself through the journey, then I found my genuine friends and love found me.

    What am I saying? Some people have their lives figured out and others like me, life just happens.
    It doesn’t make less of a person, it just makes you who you are. Embrace life and it will surprise you in the most unexpected ways. Surround yourself with people who make you better. It gets better, everyday… You just need to find it in you.

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  404. Happy Birthday Biko!

    My lesson-Ultimately, what matters is that whatever you do-ensure you can sleep well at night and not need to look over your shoulder.

  405. Happy Birthday, Biko!
    I’m in my late twenties but one thing I am finally teaching myself is that I matter too. Taking care of everyone is good. It is also good to be known as the kind, helpful and always reliable person who has the answers to everything. But remember, you need a kind, helpful and reliable person to be there for you too. So on the day you realise that nobody in your life is the ride or die type, when everything falls apart and you fall into depression and lose “friends” because you have no strength to be there for them anymore, don’t give up. Life is teaching you that you alone can make yourself a priority. It is teaching you how to love yourself more than you love everyone else.
    While we’re on th topic of taking care of others. Save. Don’t give all your earnings to your family because they need it more. DO NOT FORGET TO SAVE! because when you’re almost thirty and want a child and have an empty bank account and no social life because you work too much, nobody will be sorry. They will still ask for more. So begin to plan for your future now, don’t wait till everyone else is settled to ask yourself what you want out of life.
    And love. Love without fear of getting hurt again. Loving yourself will grow your heart so much that you will have more space to love others, more patience for them. And your smile will finally be reflected in your eyes.

    Biko, I just bought your book, can’t wait to cuddle with a warm blanket and tea and read it.

  406. 4 days later I get to read this…..is there an anti #FirstComment team because I think that’s my team.
    Anyway…..the post actually made me relax about life. I just turned 24 and the greatest lesson for me is to rely on myself much more than I do others. People change and that’s okay. I change too. And yes Girl Power is alive and circling the earth!

  407. not every plan you make works the way you expect them to.Some do others don’t but it doesn’t matter. life has its own way of working things out: it gives you lemons and it’s upon you to make the lemonade; how you do it doesn’t matter.
    However, this doesn’t give you a pass to accept failure, just another opportunity to change your perception of life.

    1
  408. At 23, you will ask yourself why you haven’t figured it out. Why all your age mates have something going on in their lives and your life is stagnant. This is the year you think about all the bad decisions/choices you made and plan ahead for your next year. Looking forward being 24 :).

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  409. And at 39,
    You will have just one year before the big four zero.

    As a 20 something year old,
    I am tempted to give in the idea of being an ant. Also as a millennial it is a very disturbing though, because in as much as we are industrious like ants, are we really being effective? I don’t know I ll just keep putting my best food forward. My labour in God is not in vain.
    About happiness, if it doesn’t smell as toxic as it is In the throne room aka toilet, is it really happiness.
    Confidence is built within, you know the saying look before you leap , even when you don’t have a chance to peep, what saves the day is confidence that has been described above.

  410. Don’t let anyone think for you. Don’t let anyone tell you what’s fun; what’s cool; where you should be; how you should dress; how you should walk; where you should walk; what to drive; where to live. Nothing.

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  411. Its never that serious !!!!…………………have fun and live today like its your last, life is too short to hold grudges…have no expectations, live each day as it comes………life is precious, live it…..love it….let go !!!!!

  412. I am eons of confusion packed in a 25year old bag of bones and moist and flesh. I have fear in my that admittedly keeps me away from the jump on a lifetime that will gear me into a wealth of possibilities.
    I am a poet, a public speaker, a writer an MC and a host of a million other things I want to be. Still live under my fathers roof.it will be exactly two years after graduation in 27th November.
    When I look at my life… Stuck…thats the only word that comes to mind… But thank you for this letter…. Hopefully, I will find me a way out. So help me God.

    1
  413. Just like McGregor reckoned that we’re all naturally lazy, I reckon that we are all born selfish, in fact very selfish….. we must always learn to become selfless…… our childhood disposition is what determines what and who we becomes….

  414. I am 23, Married with two kids, I had always longed to have a family of my own, now it is here, I am not sure if am giving it the best. I am not sure if my kids are getting the best they could. I wished I had more time with them..but forever I have remained faithful. Despite challenges, I am hoping things will come out right some day. Sometimes I fear the future, I embrace it as it comes.
    The best thing that always occurred to me is reading from others, my mind opens at reading and reading. of Biko’s and others. I won’t stop not even forever.

  415. Most of your posts give me joy Biko. Not all, but most. So Thank You.

    I am 23 and my Mantra is “Always make Myself my first priority as at the end of the day I am my longest commitment.”

    Simple.

  416. In my 19 years of life, (I think I’m still on the mezzanine floor) I have learned that in this vast universe, you have only you to be. Whether you were brought up in a poor background or a rich hood or whether your parents started up on the way down as years moved by, that’s more about them.

    You have this life to live: a life whose accountability is in your palm; a life with which you owe no one no explanation on what your deeds at 1824 last Saturday were. But again, do what you got to do keeping in mind there are observers. As much as you may not be answerable to them, they might just be the people you need in different portions of this life of yours, say through job interviews and other what-nots. Again, make friends. Lots of them. Make sure to seize the moment at your young. These friendships and alliances will pay off when you are at your core.

    Live life when it is due ’cause a time will come when there won’t be a tomorrow. And it will be too late to do things you wished to do; words you wished to say; life will have lost meaning because you will not be living. Human expectations…???Don’t!! Worldly expectations= Dream Child Dream. Also learn to save from a young age. It is going to reward your future.

    Meanwhile, Happy Forty Ndugu Biko.

  417. 1. Live right with everyone, do not burn bridges. It’s a very small world. You never know!

    2.Exercise abs eat clean. Your body will thank you later in life.

  418. I am 40 some and I have enjoyed every article on the subject. I learnt that it is so easy to lose the love that you had for your best friend for almost 20 years. I learnt that you can fall in love again and lose love at 40 and it’s a killer even then. You can lose all your financial security at 40 but you can begin again even then. It takes a while to embrace the 40’s but doing so allows you to live. At 40 I have learnt that there are values I must leave with my children to allow them to be greater than I will be.

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  419. My biggest lesson; just when you think you have a grip on reality, everything crumbles and you spend your 30s unsuccessfully creating realities you are happy with. Less than 20 months from the 4th floor, and all I can tell my 20-year old self is; brace yourself girl.

  420. Having just stepped onto the third floor i recently learnt that, It aint what you don’t know that gets you in trouble, its what you think you know that just ain’t so.
    Been dealing with trying to really find out who i amand what i really stand for at the core of it rather than superficially. I have learnt that new is most often built on the ashes of the old….. So its fine to walk through life with a hammer….. Build and destroy…
    ION
    Could u ask the geeks to put the comment button after the post rather than after the comments, we sometimes get tired of scrolling mpaka we forget what we wanted to comment.

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  421. There’s this Brad Pitt movie where he ages backwards…I used to think a lot about it. Trying to make sense of everything that happens around me. Now I think about it from time to time but not so often. I’ve learnt it is sweaty and tasking to experience stuff by actually doing than observing. That at days end, it is satisfying. It is a wide world, within and without. Biko you are brave.

  422. Don’t second guess yourself. Go with your first decision/impulse/gut feeling.

    How many of us fall in the ditch we are crossing when we hesitate and doubt ourselves.
    Remember the answers you hurriedly changed just before the Exam Invigilator said “times up, put your pens down”.
    You shouldn’t.

  423. Like you Biko at 27 my mom died and it left me empty and lost. 2 years later I’m still dealing and reeling from the after effects of having to live this life without her, like how do I do it, being a mom myself (single mom) it’s tough and I’ve learnt that she was the only person that genuinely rooted for me.

  424. I have read and re-read this article so many times. It has so many lessons, u r a very wise man Biko.

    What lessons have I learnt in my last 30 years???
    1. Family is everything: Love, respect and keep praying for them.
    2. Confidence is key: I have been trying to build on mine, baby steps but I know I will get there. Thank u for this advice ”Confidence is built from the inside, never the outside. So fill yourself with things that build you.”

    Thank u Biko and happy belated birthday.

    1
  425. Biko, great read as usual. So far I have learnt that there is no script to life. I can make life to be what i want it to be. I have also learnt that sometimes, it is okay not to be okay.

  426. A gift to you Biko as u cross over to the fourth floor; As I cross over to the third floor, I have a few life lessons:

    1.To live Each day at a time.
    2.Aspire to achieve greater heights today than I did yesterday.
    3.No matter the downfall/disappointments always keep my head high and never allow anyone to bring me down.
    4.Never to look down on anyone unless am admiring their shoes.
    5.Treat all humanity with respect regardless of their social class/status.
    6.Never to regret but also never be comfortable whichever direction life takes and always aim for the best in life because I WAS DESTINED FOR GREATNESS!

    1
  427. At 21 you will experience the worst heart break ever and you will probably have commitment issues for a while but that too shall pass.

  428. Hi honey,

    Well, you’re 25years 6 months old now.. you’ve learned a lot and you’re doing fine. However, listen up:

    Stop worrying! You’re 20, you have no business worrying about making it in life. Just do your part and the world will have to conform..which it will. Stop trying to do God’s work, he will do it for you! So all that worrying was for nothing ( it will just give you acidity and anxiety attacks in 2 years. But you’ll manage it. )

    Keep being smart about your choices but have a bit of fun. You’ll need it. You’re career path won’t be Economics as you think, it will be, wait for it, Client Relations management-yeah, I know, turns out we are good with people.

    Which brings me to my 3rd point, what you think you want and what you actually want are two very different things. Give the world a chance to show you the different sides and angles of life. Closing people off is no way to grow as a human being. Listen, learn, emulate from others, not just those you think you admire. Give people a chance.

    Don’t give up on writing, trust me, one day you’ll want to post an article on Biko’s site (don’t worry, his articles will find you) and wish you practiced more often. You’ll post it anyway, mostly because you’ll have learned that perfection is an illusion..a boring one at that!

    That guy you’re so in love with at ages 22-24/25, well, he will..actually, just experience it.

    At 25 you will lose a lot of friends.. even your best friend, yeah, shocking, I know! This however will be your best year so far because this is the year you will start your actual journey to happiness. Not the kind you thought of, but the internal happiness. You will slowly start to realize that no job, salary or friends will bring you as much happiness as having internal peace will. You won’t have figured it all out by say, October, but you will thoroughly enjoy your journey. The journey has to feel how you want the destination feel. Oh, you will start listening to gurus- they are some wise fellas. Be open to new ideas, you don’t know it all.

    The song that will change your life- VIENNA WAITS FOR YOU- BILLY JOEL.

    Still at this age (25) you will start partying hard- every weekend in fact. I’m not sure if it is quarter life crisis but who cares, you will have so much fun. You will travel, you will even befriend strangers! These experiences will do a lot to balance you’re life out. Don’t worry, you’ll still be serious about your career, you’ll just learn to also enjoy life, and sunsets, and full moons, and the rain, and beautifully written articles and beautifully uttered words, and beautifully arranged songs, and minds that view the world in such an interesting manner that it will amaze you, and books that touch your soul in a way no human ever can. As I said, life!

    Show the folks you treasure them more. It does so much for them.

    Enjoy every small accomplishment, it makes the bigger achievements that much better. In fact, it plays a big role in achieving the big ones. Write these accomplishments down and read them every time you are feeling low. The day you land that internship- write it down. The day you figure out how to use pivots in Ms Excel- write it down. Every accomplishment should mean something to you. It also helps with the worrying bit.

    Notice how I say don’t worry a lot, it’s for a reason.

    Honey! Your path will be different than what you planned but trust me, it will be more and better than you ever imagined. Trust the process, trust your efforts and be patient with the universe, it has a weird way of knowing when you are actually truly ready for opportunities.

    Boys- uhm, perhaps we should revisit this when we are thirty? I still haven’t figured them out. What I can say is be open to love, let go of your reservations, it’s okay to have your heart broken, it heals. More importantly, you learn. Experience life, you will love it.

    I could go on and on but we are new at this company and they are wondering what I’m frantically typing about at 3 weeks old. Remember, no matter what, you will be fine. In every situation you’re diaghram rises and falls, reassuring you that you are still functioning, you are still breathing therefore this too will pass- Guru stuff 

    You can only control yourself and your actions. Be responsible for this alone, other people’s actions have no reflection on who you are. Just breath, you are fine, you will be fine, you are doing fine.

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  429. 40 is not as far away now as it was 10 years ago, never had a more appropriate time to use the phrase “Time Flies”, but when I look around me, it does make sense that I am where I am, been with the love of my life for 12 years, have a 6 year old son…so i shrug and realize it makes sense.
    I would tell my 20 year old self/any other 20 year old:
    1. Have fun, just like I did in my twenties, get it all out while you have the time even if your wallet is probably mostly empty in your twenties.Life gets hectic and you will miss all the free time you had back then.At this point life is a juggling act with everything needing a certain balance, children, spouse, extended family, school, career, responsibilities, it is a lot and free time will be hard to come by plus your energy levels will only go downwards.
    2. Take care of yourself, eat well and exercise, this is something that I have only come to realize the importance of in the last 2 years or so. By 30, you are getting old, well your body is and it will remind you of that fact whenever it can like when you think you can hike up Mt. Longonot and can’t make it past the first hut or when you try and stay out all night like you did in your twenties but it just can’t be done.
    3. The loss of a parent is the most painful reality you will most likely face, time soothes the wounds, but the scab is always there and 10 years down the line, the scab will be torn open by life’s circumstances or even by something as simple as seeing someone your age with their parent and you will bawl like a baby, you will still miss your mummy. You will learn that no one can replace her and that you are actually quite alone in a vast ocean, it sometimes feels like you are a boat without a sail.There are no people (and unfortunately you realize this too late) that can genuinely be as concerned about your well being and bail you out wholeheartedly at great cost to themselves like parents.It’s a lesson you learn everyday. and you keep wishing you were a better child and appreciated them more when you could.
    4. Responsibility is hard, it will creep up on you without so much as a nudge, there will be fees to be paid for your kids, for your siblings, for yourself, rent, medical bills and upkeep for our inevitably aging parents, its a juggling act, start saving as early as you can and steel yourself, you might just have to become the Rock of Gibraltar.
    5. Plans fail, they will fail so badly and if you cannot wrap your mind around this, pick up the pieces and move on, life will become a nightmare. Also, you do not have to plan everything. Spontaneity brings a spark that few other things can and all will work out eventually.
    6. Your friends will drift off, friendships will wax and wane as the years go by, some will die completely and that’s normal. I remember thinking that I would keep my closest college friends for life. Well, life happened, those friendships are there they are definitely not the same, not even close.I actually am still stuck on this one till today. Finding a friend outside your work circle is hard when you work 6 days a week for 8-10 hours with an additional 3 – 4 hours spent in traffic to and from work.
    7. Cultivate your passions when you still have time. I was all for the whole 8-5 job scene when I left school, nothing else mattered but now I look at young entrepreneurs and I wish I did something that I love, grew a business from scratch. Well it isn’t too late but cultivating your passions later is much much harder and the stakes are much higher so there are some risks that are simply too scary to engage in with people depending on you.
    8.Love your spouse, totally and deeply before you settle down. Without love, most marriages wouldn’t survive. There is a lot that happens in a marriage, a lot of forgiving and settling. Spouses change, you will change, some changes are hard and unpleasant and you have to work through them together. However, and this is where I draw the line, have your limits even so, set them and do not accept anything less. Give respect to receive it and expect that your definition of love will shift, so will your spouse’s. How I defined love in my twenties is oh so different now but it is much more meaningful.

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  430. Am 23 years old. Being 20 comes with alot of anxiety not knowing whats going to happen in future and i have to keep on telling my 23 year old self to calm down. I may not know much but each and every day am learning to:
    Take life as it comes coz I may not be able to change most of the things happening in my life .
    Save as much as I can, no matter how small the amount is ata kama ni 20 bob daily.
    Stop comparing myself with others, life is a race some may reach the finish line faster than others but at the end of the day they will all have finished the race.
    But above all KEEP CALM life is never that serious. You are not the first and the last person to be in this phase.

  431. Adjust your expectations and you will never be disappointed. Real Talk!
    I have come to realize that you will be criticized no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Embrace positive criticism.Live your life and quit trying to please everyone.

    1
    1. Great read. I am thirty three years old, and with two blinks, I will be thirty four in November. I am unmarried and not worried as I have learnt to live my life, in my own terms and time. I did not start this race with anyone and so I am in no competition with no one. This is despite people gloating about being in relationships and marriages, and showing off their kids, especially on social media. I have learnt that the latent talents within us eat at us and we can not have true happiness if we don’t utilize them. I have further learnt that not everyone will embrace you, especially if you are abundantly gifted and I am talking about family here. Some will be so jealous that you have a certain ability wishing it was their children who had it, others, because of their insecurities will not want you pursue your dreams, go for it anyway. I have also learnt to never get big for God, as Ben Carson once advised. He is my everything.

  432. Nothing is scripted. Find your own path…and there is nothing like a sure tomorrow. And find contentment in knowing nothing is as important as family,whoever you perceive that to be-even in those moments when you don’t like them very much

  433. My first time commenting
    I am turning 23 in less than a month’s time
    Looking back some of the lessons:
    1.Develop a personal relationship with God,been a Catholic all my life,but until recently did I realize what it means to be a Catholic .We have a rich religion.Jesus in the adoration chapel is my best friend.You can share anything with him,spending an hour with Him makes my day,going for mass doesn’t have to be on Sundays only.In short,whatever church you go to ,get the real experience
    2.Just because you know God doesn’t mean life will be without problems,they will be there but He will give you the grace and strength to get through it all
    3.Take risks,I resigned from my job,I didn’t believe in the products we were selling ,a few months later the company is shut down
    4.More papers don’t mean better a better job
    5.As a lady getting your own cash is the best thing,work your ass off
    6.Give yourself a little treat once in a while
    7.Live band performances are way better than Dj mixes ,especially classic music
    8.If you have a great idea for business,start off and keep at it for atleast an year,enough time to know whether it’s working.Don’t give up too fast

  434. At 25 you won’t know a thing about what you want with your life, you’ll most probably not have any sensible career line let alone driving that big car you dreamt of. Relax. Things will shape themselves up. Oh. And that boyfriend you’ve had since campus… might not end up being your husband. So take a chill pill and enjoy while you are still together. People die too… and so can you. Enjoy your life…. Everyday. Its God’s gift to you, so use it well. Do stuff you love… Hang out with people who deserve you and cut out those who don’t. Its never that serious.

    1
  435. On my 40th birthday, I didn’t feel so happy to be 40. I mourned the loss of my 30s. But at 41, I was at peace and happy to be on 4th floor. Way back in my early 30s I was a size 12 going to 14. Loved my figure except that I didn’t have a wasp tiny waist. Got my twins at 33 and shed quite some weight. I didn’t like my new much leaner me. I got the tiny waist but also got a smaller bust, very lean cheeks and very lean bums. I figured my old me looked much better and i worked hard to get bigger. Such is life… I have learnt to count my blessings everyday

  436. I really needed this. Especially since everything feels like its rushing so fast and am clueless on life yet I just turned 21. I wish you could check out a blog I wrote on my insecurities on this but you just made it all seem negligible.
    Thankyou.

  437. Hey Biko… in my not so few 30 something years, I have learned kuwa there is no standard formula to life. You create your own formula that works for you to solve algebraic problems in your life.

  438. Just turned 21 and for the longest time i have felt like am standing at the edge of a precipice i know what i want but i choke in fear every time i wanna make the leap. I have learnt to fill myself with so much that there is no room for fear.

    And cause i can’t help myself i’ll make a joke ‘some will wear bad knickers but the best will wear none ‘

    As always an amazing read

  439. Belated happy birthday Biko and I’m glad to see you celebrated it in my backyard. This was a very beautiful read, I’m hot on your heels heading to the fourth floor.
    I’m not worried or scared about it. I’m happy that at this point in life I’m at ease with who I’ve become and where I’m at. And the dreams or goals not yet achieved only serve to motivate me. Some have shifted quite a bit because different things matter now and some ideals have fallen by the wayside and that, I am glad about. This life is but a mist quickly blown away, so what we do and who are has to be all about true substance. And what that substance is constituted of is mine to determine. True love of a companion, family and friends, things I am all passionate about, people that care and matter. These are what count. So, with an already greying hairline, curves and jiggles I never thought possible, I am more than excited about what’s to come.

    Bless

  440. I am 22.. i hope i will one day look back at this days when i will be 42 and be proud i read this post in time.. meanwhile,I will watch my favorite TV series, try my hand on substance, go out with girls and experiment with boys, read a few books(50 shades of grey), learn to program a computer, skip my Math classes, answer my boss back, wear make up , listen to rock music and go around telling evryone i will never have kids in my life…Whoa, isnt that what we are supposed to do in our 20s? not to worry and live a life because when you are 40, with 3 kids, a mortgage , a car loan, a boring job and divorce on your face you stop being a live? some people say life begins at 40 ,but honey, it ends the day you create another human being and the day you get a mortgage …..

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  441. Life has taught me to be selfish. Very selfish with my time, my love , my money, My family and my few friends. This, especially this,I guard jealously. This are precious to me. Especially my time, love and money , i guard so that i can generously pour them to the most deserving..my family and friends. This three things i don’t want to run out of them. As for family and friends, that time always comes..when inevitably i will run out of time. For now, I got to take it all in for myself. As for the rest of the world..i am easy.

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  442. In my 26 years….Nothing kills a dream faster than seeing someone who is living your dream and thinking its too good to be true.

  443. In my 30s I have learned there is no right or wrong way things to do things.
    I have also learned the hard way that fear brings a lot of insecurities and it holds you back.
    Still trying to talk to myself to know that I have not failed.

  444. There are better days ahead.

    You get your heart broken, you know your worth, you find love, you love, you get into problems, you celebrate. Looking back at yesterday, is different.

    So don’t kill yourself today over things you can’t change, breathe and let it be.

  445. I’m only 19!!!! Yet to get to the second floor, and this read gives me chills about the many floors ahead!

    My 19 year experiences or lessons are definitely nothing compared to your own (referring to all those residing in floors above me) but there’s two things I learnt that applies to all of us:

    1. Never say never – And this is not about the song.
    2. Do not judge, listen instead – Remember what goes around comes back around

    Things you never thought would happen to you in a million years may one day happen, it will pass as fast as it came and you won’t know it till you’re drowning in it’s aftermath. So when you see people being condemn for an action, say adultery…don’t be too quick to judge them and condemn them too because it may just be you tomorrow. Remember you have sins too.

    Human beings make mistakes for the purpose of learning. Every experience has a lesson. Enable every human to grow from what they go through. Yes, it may be wrong in your eyes, but don’t be so cold as not to show love to the adulterer and help them recover from the mistake.

    We are all different, meaning some of us will go through horrible lifestyles in order to attain a better one, make the most horrible decisions because that is what it will take to help us distinct right from wrong, and that’s ok. Don’t hate yourself about a mistake you made, embrace the lesson you learnt from it. With time, you’ll be able to do this for other people too. Your happiness is not permanent, neither is their sorrow. You will interchange feelings before you know it.

    Parting shot:

    The ladder will one day rust, and you may stumble or fall. You will need the person on the ground to catch you lest you break your bones

    1
  446. A lesson I have learned is to just let go of the bitter memories of me lending money and then not getting it back. Sometimes it feels like betrayal and I don’t even know how to relate to that person anymore. So no more lending money!!

    Haha… I don’t know why but at the airport they always take my precious perfume because I always forget to carry a smaller bottle. I did relate to that 100ml line.
    And Is my forehead visible from the moon? Haha I sometimes also think about that.

  447. In the timeless words of Lauryn Hill : “Everything is Everything, after winter, must come spring, what is ment to be will be….” Thank you for this piece biko…. comments inclusive. I needed this as i get to the 3rd Floor.

  448. Honey,
    At twenty one you’ll start to question what your goal in life is. You’ll feel 60 and your pores will start to show even though you have the driest skin. You’ll have no idea what your plan is nor why you’re still in college knowing full well that the only reason you’re there is to one day -hopefully- get a 9-5 desk job that you’ll loathe and that will obviously bore you to death. You’ll still want to cliff dive and bungee jump and just swim at a local swimming pool but wait ; you’ll still be insecure about your love handles, belly fat and cellulite.
    I don’t know what 22 brings you but all I know is as far as I know you, you’ll soon be distracted by something cute and lacey, you’ll laugh loudly with no shame and you’ll eat too much junk which isn’t good for you. But most importantly you’ll live it through because you’re my young Lioness (HAFSA) And what ever life throws at you, will most certainly hurt and give you heart ache but you’ll turn it to a lovely and weird piece.
    YOU’LL OWN IT. You were made for this life.
    p.s. For the love of everything holy cut down the caffeine.

  449. Its such interesting and inspiring read that makes the fear of the unknown less worrisome. I pray that you never get to that point where you will wake up and you have forgotten to write a sentence, coz that will be the day the world would be gloomy – art has to make you feel and you sure make the world feel the rainbow of emotions you paint with your words.

    In this life have learnt that its the people you love and not the money that makes you rich.

  450. I hope it’s not too late to add in my comment….It might not be valuable but it will definitely count.

    Am 23 and one of the greatest lessons that I keep learning is to value mankind. To not look down on others and to help others climb the staircase.
    I keep telling God every day to create in me a new pride and if He senses pride in me, please Lord, take it away!!!!

    Just recently, I listened to DJ Shiti on Hot 96 explaining how Jarang’o was helpful in his career. That got me thinking, why did Jalang’o help this guy grow in his field? Wasn’t he fearing competition? Then I got a revelation, see how both are doing well .God has provided wells of abundance for both of them.

    What am I trying to say, don’t be afraid to help other people fearing that they will take away your source of income? Be a blessing, be a destiny helper. You don’t know what doors God might open when that person pray and says, God, bless that man !!!!!

    Hey, am not a preacher by the way!!!!

    If nobody has told you that you are a blessing on this planet, you are!!!

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  451. Happy belated one Biko,

    In my 30+ years so far i have learnt the following:-
    1.Bitterness will kill you if you harbor it.
    2. It all works out eventually.
    3. Those you love hurt you the most.
    4. Your only true relatives are your parents and your children.
    5. Peanuts is for monkeys.
    6. Walk away from all forms of negativity.
    7. Your passions(s)…those ones or that one is the key to your money making skills.
    8. Everyday you learn something new.
    9.Your dreams are all valid, only you can materialize them or kill them.
    10. Maybe if i had a time machine – if those even exist – i would change a few things, but until then…. a step at a time.

    1
  452. at 29 you will have been frustrated quite a bit from bad jobs to bad relationships and all manner of misfortune .if still unmarried you will ponder what will become of you and the family you always dreamed of. then you will probably suck it up and just live. bad days wont weigh you down too much you are now accustomed to this, the shock absorbers are long used to this kind of stuff.you will probably pursue one of the things you always wanted to do in life and whether it works or not you will be fulfilled you no longer live by whats the societal norm but what you want and when you want it..on your terms baby, unapologetic-ally

    1
  453. In your mid 30s, there will be a last straw. Where you realize, just like the lepers in the Bible, that either way you are doomed. You stay in that violent relationship, you are doomed, or if you leave you are doomed still. So you choose to leave, and wuaalla, that’s the best thing you ever did for yourself. Your hunched back straightens, the spring in your step comes back, and your eyes are brighter. Then your son will tell you “Mummy, I didn’t like it when daddy was drunk and hit you!” And you will know you did right to leave.

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  454. Biko, I totally relate to this. I am thirty four now and dread every day. I dread lying cold in a wooden box, letting life go by; the margarine and the wine and juice passing by; that one day I shall simply be a memory to people (and I wonder what kind of memory I will evoke). I think of my ageing mother, and my unmarried self is torn between meeting her wishes of seeing her grand kiddos through my lineage or just stalling as I am now till some lucky princess comes along. I think of the future, of the beauty of this country. That one day, population shall have changed and technology shall have shifted (if the alien life does not get us yet). Biko, I am a believer in God. I believe in divine providence. I believe in life after death. And my philosophy if there ever is something like that, it to live simply and happily. To live and let live. And if by His grace he gives you divine providence, to enjoy life as it is.

  455. ‘Some jobs diminish you as a human being, filling you with poison, making you feel small. It’s not worth it. You will also learn that you will be fine. And that things work out, eventually.’
    This remains so true. Tomorrow is my last day at work and I made the decision to leave after reading this article. Hope it works out.
    P.s. Is anyone hiring?

  456. Well am like a minute late but its better than nothing… Biko happy 40th and to many more…

    At 30 you’ll discover that friendships are lies and some people are around you for what you can offer and once you can’t offer that anymore you’ll be rendered useless and some will move on to something/someone else… It will break you for afew days but you’ll learn your lesson and move on…

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  457. I remember when I was 18 and I wanted to be a millionaire by a certain, age, let us say it was easy.

    It is not what you get it is what you keep!

  458. At 16 you will be in Form 2 and at the peak of adolescence. You will be having conflicts within, doubting your abilities, beauty and intelligence. You will be having friends whose approval you are struggling to acquire. You will be grappling with boy/girl issues and getting more confused as teachers tell you that “if you have a boyfriend, you are a moving corpse!” in a fatalistic high-pitched tone. By the grace of God you will get through these.
    At 35, you will be more at home with who you are, the beautiful and confident woman you have grown to be. This is because you would have drawn the strength to face life and yourself more from within than from without.

    1
  459. In my late twenties now. This has been my most valuable lesson yet. “Keep your eyes on Christ, don’t let them turn to the right or to the left. Let Him be your purpose. Then life will make sense even when it doesn’t make sense. Let your eyes be stayed on Christ. For he will keep you. He will chart a course for you. He will pull you back when you stray. He will keep you sane.”

    1
  460. It is 2018. Nevertheless, I ill still share what I have learnt.
    The most satisfying moments in life are when we make other people happy.
    When we visit those who are hurting and share encouragement, we light up hope in their hearts.
    When we share food with the hungry, we can see their faces glow with satisfaction and our hearts feel peaceful.
    The world is full of bad people, I choose to be a nice person.
    I fail some times. But deep down my intentions are rooted.

  461. Love what you love. Love who you are. That is what I will continually tell me…
    Cried reading this.
    Oh…and also, wanking will not get me blind so…what the hell? haha.

  462. I am 24. It took me many nights of tears & depressions, daylights of self doubt, moments of solitude to appreciate myself more. I have been through a lot that I have not been able to tell.
    Mistakes and triumps in equal measure and mann, a whole lot of trials to get myself here; self aware, happy, bold.
    I have even lost my ambition at some point ,only now picking up those pieces and trying to makeshift my ladder,
    Lost my passion and now still trying to gain it back…
    I have really lost myself to find myself and really these are things you are never ready for…

    I am hopeful, positive and taking it a day at a time. You know what Biko. We all have a journey and demons to battle with every single day and yeah, we need God and the right kind of attitude. I can’t wait to write my journey back to my 20s.
    A day at a time.

    Happy Birthday Biko. 🙂 >3

  463. ….learn to forgive as many times a s you can. Nobody said you have to remain or be friends with whoever you forgive. Forgive.Dont Forget .Move On.

    This I would have told my 20 year old self. Great Piece.

  464. Lessons this far……

    LIVE & Enjoy everyday for tomorrow is not promised. Be patient with you,Love you and BE YOU.
    Forget the naysayers and work to be the best you for you!

  465. Whoever says time waits for no man has never had the chance to do dumb things over and over again …
    life always (add the word almost before the word always if your life’s a real toughie) gives you chances, question is …whether you will take those chances… or you won’t

  466. This post had me in tears… As a 20-something intern, sitting in a hot office, surrounded by these serious however-olds. I am really happy I came across this. I haven’t read many of your posts, this was like my third/fourth. I had to stop every few sentences and make sure these balancing tears stayed balanced. You probably won’t read this particular comment but I’m just going to bless you with positive vibes anyway. It’s reassuring to see someone you sorta admire speak about their youth and see the similarities in yourself. I really do hope this rat race turns out okay. I guess I just have to be patient. Thank you for your writing, I can finally jerk it without guilt.

    Almost forgot.

    I’m not sure what I’ve learnt from life at this age. I want to do everything, everyone tells me to do just one thing, but balance is hard to come by. Trials and errors and repetition == success for most things. I am happiest when I don’t know I am happy. All emotions are a part of life and its getting harder to avoid things like sadness and anger.

  467. At 30 you won’t know yourself, oh how true this is! However you have to get past thirty to really understand it.

    It’s ok to not know, it really is.

    Life truly begins at 40:-)

  468. You will eventually learn 22 is a messed up age and comparing your pace will push you on the edge of depression. But never stop working on yourself !

  469. There is always going to be a pretty chic with a fine ass and golden brown tits and the dopest smile you ever saw…yes its always the dopest. So don’t wast time wondering what the world will look like when all the girls die. Others will crawl out of wherever they hide.
    NB: Just make sure you are rich enough. Works the magic in ways you cannot fathom with your brain alone. To quote a wise man ‘There is always going to be a pretty chic with a fine ass and golden brown tits and the dopest smile you ever saw’

  470. Well I learnt that in life fall in love and take with you the one you’re on the same page with, if at all you want to settle, look for that one who also has the same thing in mind. And don’t marry for the sake of settling down but marry the one who is compatible with you, the one who finds your stories interesting. It may seem that men don’t care a out that but they really do like being the ‘knight in shining armour’ for that woman.
    Oh! Never go back to that relationship you left behind, you were someone else then and so was she, it’s only an illusion to think she’s the same old woman you left behind.
    Finally, don’t settle for less , not today at least, wait for it, it will eventually come in shaa Allah!

  471. Life hits you hard most of the times, almost all the time but there are times when all you are doing is smiling and having hope and appreciating the good times whatever they are
    And that is worth living for those few good times among the myriad of bad although it can get hard at times most of the times.

  472. I have learnt that it’s always better to be in touch with family, they are important. That you can change what happens in your life, but only if you decide to. That happiness is always around the corner, we just barely look at it.

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  473. Am totally hooked. Although I turned 26years the other day, your article resonates with me. Have been killing myself with overthinking and fear about tomorrow instead of working on what I can today and leave the rest to the Big guy’s hands. I have to stop worrying about things I have no control of and take care of things I can control. Thank you.

  474. What i have learnt at 22 is not to compare myself to anyone because all our lives are unique plus to drink a cup of ginger tea in a quiet room now and then.

  475. So far I have learned that life is really short and precious. Make the most of it. Travel and meet new people as Dalai Lama says. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Forgive when someone wrongs you and never hold grudges. Most importantly never look down upon someone

  476. 1.control is an illusion
    2.As a man learn and understand that you are all alone in this dark place
    3.drink lots of water

  477. I just came across this and I have a feeling I will read it many times in my life! For always being true in sharing how you see the world Biko, may it be kind to you, for you have been kind with the experiences it has given you.

  478. Wow..At 24 years you will get a chance to travel to Europe in the middle of your 3-month probation period at a new job. You will be conflicted and wonder how things will work out. Everyone will say you are wasting money and your dad will think you are mad but you will go anyway and it will be the best experience in your life!! Life changing if any!
    Live and Let live!!

  479. In my late thirties.
    I have learnt that getting married doesn’t stop you from staring at ass. I was a boob guy until I went to Kampala. Then i became an ass guy. If you doubt the importance of that statement, take a trip to the land where bananas were born. See if you don’t come back a changed person. So…yes. Stare. Then go home and make love to your wife (that sounds so late thirties in this era of pekej…. i can’t bring myself to utter that name)
    I could say more but it’s an afternoon. And my stomach is full of sardines and Ugali and ‘greens’.

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  480. At thirty one life is about enjoying the present it will reach a point you realize you don’t have to be rich to enjoy the ocean or the gaze of stars at night you are blessed and when that kid comes you see a copy of you in those innocent eyes life changes for the better just learn to work for the things you want and love then you won’t be disappointed
    Looking back up to now it’s been one hell of a ride wooooh what more can I say shall we??

  481. I had to read this.Well ,I have learnt that adoption was not a death sentence.It didn’t kill me.It will actually never kill so adopt a baby if you can.Lets make the life of every child beautiful.Lots of love to my parents

  482. I have learnt that trying to please people instead of God is idolatry that leads to death. Not necessarily physical but may be social, emotional, spiritual or intellectual. Since childhood, I was such a people pleaser but all I have to show for it over half a century down the road are broken relationships, careers and dreams. Thanks be to God for a second chance, an authentic one for that matter!

  483. On a particular day you feel sad and then remember a blog you heard from friends and colleagues and that would be the escape you so much needed. Thank you Biko

  484. Love doesn’t hurt. Expectations hurt.
    Love ain’t give and take … It’s giving.. and giving and giving.. purely focusing on your object/person you love. Only that way will you find fulfilment.

    1
  485. My favorite article. Second time I’m reading it(ironic how that first statement is considering I have only read it twice)
    On June 24th this year(my birthday), I’m writing a letter to my 19 year old self!
    Warmth and regards.

  486. WOW!
    For someone who is so independent, I sure have been a slave to my emotions. Reading this under quarantine.
    I am 25 and thus far:
    Life is not linear, live a little.
    You are so used to choosing you and cutting people off, you even cut your senses of. You will remember that amazing young gentleman you were friends with . You wore your hearts on your sleeves and he chose to love you as a sober friend and not fan your fire. You dumped him, as a friend, because you wanted things your way and were losing control. You will accept that this time, you were wrong. That there exists good guys who know their self worth and won’t be manipulated.
    Time for reconciliation, you just lost a gem. Good men are few, treat them right.
    Maybe I won’t retire at 40, Beauty is not knowing.

    1
  487. Your twenties aren’t a decade you’ll forget in a hurry. The ten years that stretch between your 20th birthday and the day you hit the big 3.0 are the ones that truly sculpt who you are as a person. Make great use of that time and live life. Thumbs up for sharing this information with us.Also, I wrote an article on Toxicwap Download, and would really appreciate it if you can take the time to check it out using the link below https://www.techshure.com/toxicwap-download/

  488. 3 years down the line. It’s never too late to leave a comment.
    Well, I’m 22 and I cant wait for my 23rd birthday in 3 days time. The much I have learnt is that People ain’t shit, No one is and no one has ever been. Expectation we have with things and people hurt most but still, we have them. It’s never about the next person, love yourself as much. The only friend and relative I so far have is my Mother, May you live long Mama…

  489. I just turned 18 and I’m already beginning to see how raw life really is. We may set goals and be unable to make them by our own deadlines. But that’s okay.
    As much as I may not like the idea right now, I actually need people. Builiding up walls just to try and avoid heartbreak can only last so long.
    I also agree that people don’t disappoint you, it’s the expectations you have of them. Perhaps we would live better lives by having zero expectations of anyone but ourselves?

  490. Don’t break your back for others and give everything. It will be hard. You will go through a prolonged identity crisis. You will think you are broken for so long thinking everyone is moving and you are stuck. You will think a job will make you happy. It won’t. You will think finding love will complete you but it will leave you with even more questions. Although you heard it a lot, you are not a mistake. You have a place here and soon you will find it. Cry when you want to fuck what they say about you being too emotional. Most importantly, you are beautiful beloved beyond size, shape and appearance. You are enough and worthy. That nigga didn’t know himself so stop trying so hard to make sense of who he is. People show you who they are believe it. Finally, their behaviour is on them but your response is on you. Love you always. Don’t go loving others and leaving nothing for you.

  491. Life is a journey and not a destination. The fact that the next second is uncertain is proof enough that life experiences are random. But there’s one fact though_ it’s certain that at some point you are going to die.
    Conforming to the beliefs people make of you results to a limited kind of life. How vibrant life can be if you just decided to flow with who you truly are. Always remember that there’s a difference between memoy and intelligence ; those who went to school and those who went through it. Once consciousness becomes part and parcel of what you connect to, everything flows and you become a yogi. The experience that results from being connected to everything around you is vast and simply indescribable.
    Life is broad, and you deserve to have a taste of it before you start over thinking.
    And as the saying goes, “All human problems come from the mind, and the inability to stay still.” Your thoughts, are monstrous. You can either be the one in command or let your thoughts command you.

    A letter to my 24 year old,
    Yes, my dear… You were heartbroken. You invested your entire self and made sacrifices for her. And in the end, she did not appreciate your efforts and your presence in her life.
    How long are you going to hold on that resentment? Hatred? Sadness? Depression? Anger? For how long are you going to stay stuck and confused?
    Unfair things were done, your expectations were never met, everything you worked for was thrown into a pit… So what now?
    For how long are you going replay your past? What’s there that you haven’t yet seen?
    It’s time to let it go. It’s time to make a step and focus on what’s left_ and that’s you.
    Trust the process, and take responsibility for your life. Decide the path on which your life is going to take. Reestablish your firewall and stay true to who you are. Love yourself like you have never done before.

  492. That was well put we stress ourselves so much in life trying to be great but life is a journey not a destination and it is there to be lived.

  493. I have been on the internet lately, looking for something to read and that is how I came across your site and saw this article of yours. So, I decided to see what it says and I find out that it is so amazing. You really did a great work in on your site and the articles you posted on it. You really take your time in posting this article or and they are clearly detailed. Once again, you are good at article writing and I will be coming back to view more article updates on your site.

  494. At 22 you will learn that you are much screwed in this world if you identify as a girl.At 22 you will get fired from a job just because you said no to a man.You will cry…honey you will cry….curse the guy curse God…but with time you will get over it…well not totally but you will try get up and wipe off the dust.
    You are almost 23 with none of your bucket list things ticked and it scares the shit out of you… but we move regardless.
    You’re torn between Christianity atheist or Just simply Reincarnation.
    At 22 and 10 months old you will learn to appreciate the smaller things in life like mom and Ngrathi and this will bring you so much joy and fulfillment in life.
    At 22 and 10 months you learnt that you have a gift for speaking,a way of making your audience laugh,and in laughing comprehend.But we still working on your courage…but today 10 February 2021 you read an article from Bikozulu…confidence is built from the inside,never the outside.
    At 22 you’ll learn to appreciate your body more and you’ll dress like a bad ass.
    At 21 you’ll develop a reading culture and sweetie this will become an obsession….
    Yours With Love,
    Waturi Mwambia,22 and 10 months

  495. You will set standards but some will not be meet , you will reset and rethink them. The only permanent thing so far are principles I don’t know if they stand i really hope they do coz am 23.

  496. In your twenties you will lose a friend that you once considered family. They will pierce your back with a sharp blade when you least expect it and you will cry your heart out wondering how wrong you were to trust anyone. You will lose a connection with your friends you once held dear and you will think you have poor choice in friends and that truly, man is an island. But what will crush you more is when you are walking to the police station to defend yourself, to an otherwise agreeable officer who will hear you out. It will take an entire afternoon with Judas Iscariot’s loyal follower that you will realize the essence of forgiveness and letting go and for once in your life you will sleep soundly knowing that you made peace with the dead( not in the literal sense of course but dead to you.) And you will earnestly pray that she succeeds in all that she does and sometimes you will even miss her noisy self, waking you up early in the morning because a lecture had bounced and she needed a friend. And you will feel heartbroken but one evening Jesus will seat at the foot of your bed and you will explain everything and he will give you peace and happiness that you never new existed.
    In your twenties you will also be conned a lot of times until you realize the importance of not getting attached to handsets, laptops and money, but rather to memories. You will treasure moments and you will realize that everyone dies, young and old and it will tag at your heart. But, you won’t fear facing death, because you now understand that you, a character in God’s grand plan must have fulfilled your purpose and you will pray earnestly for protection of you and your loved ones.
    And in your twenties you will probably come across this article and you will smile because you have accumulated some nuggets of wisdom, which you will happily share.

  497. So my thoughts on this in 2022, one or two things have learnt in life now that im 37 is that you should never be too trusting never open up to people so much that they learn your weakness because in due time those people will turn and use your weakness to spite you. Two be very happy and ensure to choose you at whatever cost its not being selfish but ensuring your sanity and happiness comes first. three loyalty is key, walk away from bullshit, block those negative energies and love whoever you want life is short to never be happy.

  498. I have learned to be open to growth. I now know that growth is uncomfortable and if I’m comfortable, I’m not growing. And this goes for all areas of life (career, friendships, relationships, mindset). Like you said, “it’s okay to change your mind and position” including about things and people. It makes everything easier. I could say I don’t want to get married now and wake up tomorrow with a changed mind. Same goes for everything else.

  499. It’s okay to feel lost at times, you don’t have to see the whole way, just put one foot in front of the other. It’s that simple …

  500. I’m in my (early?) thirties – and I think the lesson I am constantly learning is that it is okay to change your mind and position. Every other day, we are tested on the principles we hold so dear, the loyalties we think are owed to us, the people we hold in high regard, the family members we never understood growing up (and suddenly, their lifestyle begins to make sense). It’s a scary field, this age called 30. and yet…I do not waver. If I must learn something new each and every day, then so be it. If I held a previously obstinate position on yoghurt, a friend or the club sandwich, then today I am allowed to be a little more mellow about it. It’s really about rolling with the waves and coming up for air as often as you can.
    Do not drown in your sorrows, allow them to wash through you and pass on – life is a wave, sending you crashing against rocks and sanding down your rough edges…and every so often, you find a few sea shells to carry with you.

  501. Dear 20 year old Charles. Life is going to be fine. Love freely, be kind as you are be bold and always be willing to take the risk. Trust me it will work out in your favour and please stop trying to please them all, you will realize being an ass sometimes helps. Love you kid. Sic Pervais Magna and hold onto your best friend Ritchard.. Life will come hard at you both in the future, ciao

  502. Memento Mori. Everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Love unconditionally but always have in mind that everything we have can be here today and gone tomorrow, and that is including the people we so dearly love. Be ready for it though you can never be ready enough when it happens.