Overnight Stranger

They had gone for drinks at Level Seven Lounge at Nextgen Mall when his wife’s phone rung at about 9:30pm. It wasn’t a date night. It was a random drink-up that couples who have been married 11 years sometimes do. They had had something to eat and were now on their third drink. They weren’t planning on staying out late because they were parents. Plus, the life of staying out late in the bar was long gone – at least not with the wife anyway because she wasn’t a “party person.” She prefered to be at home, in front of the television.

She picks the call, listens for a moment and then hangs up without a word.

He finds it odd but he says he isn’t the kind of guy who asks, “Who was that?” because that sounds needy and insecure. And nobody wants to come across as needy and insecure. The music isn’t too loud yet, so they get back to their conversation. Her clutch purse is on the table, it’s a red one. (This information isn’t important, so don’t overthink it). Five minutes later she thumbs a text on her phone. At the end of the evening, he asks for the bill, runs his card, tips the waiter, puts on his jacket and they head home.

That was a Friday.

When he went to bed, he couldn’t stop wondering why his wife would pick a call and not speak. Now it was eating him. The next day, Saturday, he was on his laptop in the living room when his wife asked him to help her back up her phone. She was also the kind of wife who was a technophobe. He – on the other hand – was the kind of husband who backed up phones. So she unlocks her phone and hands it to him and goes out to bask in the sun.

A needy and insecure man would have checked her call log to find out who the hell that was who had called at 9:30pm. But he wasn’t a needy and insecure man. He was the kind of man who backed up his wife’s phone. A secure man, a trusting husband, a well-adjusted man. But he was also male so he went to the call log and found that the person who had called the number was called, let’s call him, John, because, come on, John is a low hanging fruit.

He goes to her messages and checks what she had written to John; that she was at a party and it was noisy and that she would call him back. A party, huh? He scrolls up to read the previous message from John and in one message he wrote, “Imagine I was allocated the exact same room that we spent the night in last time in Jan.” And she writes, “It must be so nostalgic,” or something like that. His heart starts pounding. His stomach starts acting weird. He wants to pee. He wants to lie down on the floor and take deep breaths.

We are at that new coffee place along Lenana Road, Coffee and Bagels. He’s speaking to me from behind trendy Storm sunglasses, with iced-coffee at his elbow.

One message leads to the next message and the next and it leads him into a rabbit hole that takes him into Whatsapp and emails and receipts and calendars and when he is done sleuthing, he unearths two different men his wife has been shagging, and two others that either she had shagged or was about to shag. He leans back in his chair, feeling light-headed, a bit sick and a lot confused. The sound of the children playing downstairs is like someone shouting under the sea, they sound like they are coming from a very far away place, a place that isn’t on the map. Morning light comes through the window in large wedges. He takes screenshots and then starts backing up her phone, this bar of damning evidence, this tomb of deceit and instrument of heartbreak, this thing that was turning his life on its head. While the phone backs up he sits there thinking, who the f*k is that basking in the sun outside?!

“You know, I sat there and with the benefit of hindsight, with its 20-20 vision, I started thinking back,” he says. “This second guy she was shagging was her ex-boss and that affair seem to have gone on for very long. Listen, this guy was in charge of my wedding’s evening party. I remember that at some point I was uncomfortable with their friendship,” he scratches the air in quotes, “and she had said that they were just friends.”

The other guy she was having a thing with was an interior designer who they had hired to redo their house. The other two were guys he didn’t know.

“Anyway, so her phone backs up and I take it to her outside where she’s basking, eyes closed.”

“You didn’t say anything?”

“Nope. I didn’t.”

“What? As in you just acted normal?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. I’m pretty sure that I would be in jail right now, double homicide or something like that.” I tell him. “I’d be those guys sending you SMSes saying they are Linsey Hatts, a lonely humanitarian German girl working in Kilgoris and looking for love and a serious relationship.”  

I suspect that these calm people who make great decisions in the haze of such emotional and intense moments are insane . They are like a pressure burner, boiling slowly inside and then one day I will stare at the TV and think, I know that guy being accused of murder! Oh Christ, I interviewed him! He’s the guy who drunk iced coffee with bagels! The guy who backs up phones! I will be asked by a journalist if I remember something odd about him when I interviewed him and will say, “Are you kidding me? Of course yes! He backs his wife’s phone after finding out that she was shagging two or even four men! Then he goes and eats a fruit?! Of course he was unstable. Only Hannibal Lecter would do some shit like that.”

Journalist: Shit like what?

“Eat an apple! What do you think?”

Normal guys would blow up, throw a TV through the window, spray her cat with a spray paint and chase her through the door with an axe, but then after they have expunged the anger, they will be sane.

“The next day, Sunday, I call a Private Investigator pal of mine. I tell him what’s up. He asks me to first find a way of printing out all the evidence. [He had the screenshots he had taken] and then he would do the rest,” he says. ‘The rest’ meant more evidence.

“I travel a lot, mostly out of the country. One time last year I returned from Lagos on a Sunday, mid-morning. She had spent the night at this man’s place and gotten back early in the morning, like 4am.” He laughs at that, but not a humorous laughter, more like a preposterous laughter, the type you shouldn’t join in on.

“I play basketball three times a week, and so what she was doing was that she was meeting these men when she was sure I was on the basketball court -”

“So when you were playing basketball she was playing hard-ball…” I say. [I can’t resist these cheesy lines. It’s a problem.]

He chuckles and sighs, but not sadly, but like the kind of sigh you would sigh when you walk into a banking hall and find a long queue. There are many different types of sighs but we can’t get into all of them right now.

So he took three days to put together a document with evidence. He says, “I put together this dossier.” He’s the kind of guy who uses flourish language.  When he emailed me he had said, “I discovered my wife’s licentiousness a few months ago.” How many people do you know who use that word? He also wrote: “I am happy to sit down and have a sotto voce over a light beer because I gave up Scotland’s aqua vitae three years ago.”

When he was done gathering evidence he confronted her. He called her brother and together they sat in his bedroom one night. “She denied vehemently. She started crying and being theatrical,” he says. “So I simply produced the dossier and handed it to her brother and he read it in silence. He was shocked. [I’m surprised he doesn’t use the word gobsmacked]. He looked at all the evidence in that file and then silently handed the file to his sister who looked at the communications between her and all those men. There was nothing anybody could say after that. Nothing. I wanted her gone after that meeting that lasted until 2am.”

In the messages he noticed that the wife was periodically receiving large sums of money from one of the two gentlemen and making references to school fees.  She wasn’t going to school and so it didn’t make sense. Why would he be sending school fees? His mind went on overdrive and he went online and googled “DNA test in Nairobi,” and he called the first number and the guy on the line said you have to have a consent of your wife to do a DNA test for your children. The second call was to Bioinformatics Institute of Kenya, which sounds like a place where they manufacture prosthetic limbs but which actually do DNA testing, relationship testing (whatever that is), newborn screening, personality DNA testing, premarital genetic testing and personal genomic services.

The next day he tells his children, “Guys, dress up, we are going to do a routine check-up, you and Daddy.” So they wore their little shoes and the lovely dress and the little girl  – she is 7 this year, looks at herself in the mirror and says, “I look nice,” and he says, “Yes, baby, you look terrific,” and they all bundle into the car and off they head to Viraj Complex, on Mombasa road.

“I thought to do DNA testing you just ask your child to say ‘aaah,’ then you swab their mouths and send samples?” I ask.

“I thought so too,” he says. “Turns out it’s complex; they need to see the original birth certificates of the children. They also need to see that the names on your ID matches the one on the birth certificate.”

I always thought that people who do DNA tests call a guy who calls a guy, who asks for your number and tells the guy you called to tell you that you will get a call soon. And one day, you get a call from  guy who sounds like Professor Hamo and he tells you where to meet and what time. So one night, around 8pm, you drive into the parking lot of Jaffrey’s Club and park in one of the many now empty parking lots. You sit there watching people walk around the track, some stretching, others getting in their cars and driving off and you sit there until 9pm when there are only few cars left in the parking and the track only has one old Asian man in sneakers a size too large, shuffling determinedly around the track. A car pulls over next to yours; it’s one of the old shape Rav4s, blue, with tinted windows. Your phone rings and the guy who sounds like Hamo says, “Come” and you ask, “Come where?” And he says, “The car next to yours, dummy.” So you look across but you can’t see who is inside the car because it’s tinted. You sigh (remember the different types of sighs I mentioned? This one is more like, ‘Oh screw it, let’s get over and done with it already’) and you get out and get into his car that smells of dhania and in there is not a big guy, but a petite guy who has big, wild hair like Larry King. Staring at his hair suspiciously, as if a hare will jump out it, you inquire, “You do DNA?!” He ignores you and says, “Do you have the sample?” You say, “Hold on a second, do you do DNA testing or are you the guy who is sent to pick the sample?” He sighs [someone in class guess what sigh this is] and rolls his eyes. Is it because of my hair? He asks, his feelings hurt. Oh, so people who can test DNA can’t grow their hair? What the hell? You tell him to calm down, you were only asking. He says, “Gimme the damn sample.” So you fetch a serviette from your inside jacket pocket and unwrap it. He immediately exclaims, “What the f*k, what is that?!” You say, “My son’s tooth.” He says, “My God, you took out his whole tooth?” You say, “I thought that’s what you wanted? I wanted to make sure you have enough.” He starts the car and says, “Jesus Christ, get out of my car, you are sick.”

Anyway, he was in his office when the DNA test results came out. He took the call in the  quiet rooms that the modern office has, nowadays. He asked them to scan and email them to him since he couldn’t go over. “It was 9 April last year, at 1:38pm,” he says. “I opened the email and by this time I had gone through such an emotional rollercoaster that I was ready for more bad news.” He pauses. “Of my three children turns out the last one was not mine.”

He sat in the quiet room for a bit, the phone in his hand, staring at the result trying to make sense of it. He leaned on the wall and closed his eyes and tried to empty everything from his mind like you would empty a dirty well. Outside his little cubicle, capitalism trudged on. Inside he felt like he was in a tank that was slowly filling with brackish water.

The baby belonged to the guy who helped us arrange our wedding evening party. “The large sums of money he would send her? Those were school fees. I pay school fees for the whole year, I write one cheque. So she was getting school fees from him and keeping it.”

“She’s rough,” I say.

He chuckles. “Yeah, man.” Then adds, “You know, when I told her mother about all these things she couldn’t believe it. Nobody could. Nobody! She is the last person you would expect this from; I mean no one saw this coming. She always carried herself as an innocent and pious person. She is the type who prefers to stay at home rather than go to the bar. She is a great mother and homemaker, very, very calm…”He trails off.

“There are correspondences with this guy when she tells him that he is the father of the baby and that he should pay fees and the guy refuses and she tells the guy that she will have no choice but to inform his wife. He has three kids…so in essence he is paying child support, surreptitiously.”

I’m amazed. I have never heard anyone use the word “surreptitious” in a conversation. It’s one of those words that I can write but can’t dare utter in a conversation, because it will end up sounding like I’m speaking jango.

“Was there any clue at all that these things were happening?” I ask.

“None. I thought I had a great marriage. I’m telling you that she was the model wife, the last person you would suspect.”

The waiter comes and says, “Would you guys like anything else?” We both ask for water.

“What do you feel when you look at your daughter now? I mean, how do you go from knowing that this is your blood to this child belongs to another man? Do you love her different after knowing she is not yours.”

He pauses and then mumbles that its complicated.

“The initial feeling is of shock and then rejection – like I want to reject her as my child. I mean, why should I be raising another man’s child? I wanted to tell the guy to come and pick up his kid. But obviously this guy doesn’t want this kid, he wants to pay her fees, to keep her a secret from his wife because it will just ruin their marriage, like they ruined mine.” He chuckles bitterly. But you know, at some point you realise that the anger isn’t towards the child, it’s towards the woman. I don’t think the love for the child has changed. There is a difference between a father and a dad. Anybody can father a child. It’s easy. But not everybody can be a daddy. So…I don’t know, let me see how it goes.” Small pause as the waitress settles two short glasses of water before us and leaves. “This kid doesn’t know anyone else as her father. I  could send her away and that will affect her siblings, they will wonder what happened to their sister. It will affect them, I know, because, come on, they are siblings, or have grown up as siblings.”

“Does the kid remind you of deception?”

“It was a residual feeling but I have learnt to suppress it because she is innocent. She has no part to play in this. I try not to think about it, to be honest. But it’s worse when I see the mother.”

“What do you think when you see her?”

“That she is a piece of shit.”

He spoons some ice-cubes in his glass. “You want some?” I nod and he throws a few into my glass. We sip in brief silence. It’s a hot afternoon.

She came back home, his wife. One day she asked him if she can go over and spend time with the children and one evening she asked if she could spend over in the spare bedroom. She has been there since July. They don’t talk and if they do it’s about “bread and butter.” He says he is trying to handle the mediation as peacefully as possible. He doesn’t want a brawl. He wants her gone. Out of his life. “The marriage is done,” he says. He wants her gone in a sober way that won’t destabilize the kids.  I ask him how this whole thing has affected him as a person.

“My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

“You know, I told her that I never knew her. I told her, ‘I don’t know who you are.’ After 11-years of marriage she became a stranger overnight.”

“Do you think you have been a good husband? What in your opinion were your limitations?”

“I think I have been a good husband. In her own words she said she didn’t lack for a thing. She’s tried to explain that she might have strayed because I was spending a lot of time playing basketball with my basketball friends and so she got the chance to get sucked into bad company.” He makes a exasperated face.

“Do you have a picture of her?” I ask him and he takes his phone and scrolls and scrolls and scrolls and I start laughing. “My, she has been buried that deep in your gallery?” He deleted most pictures except for this picture he shows me. They are both seated astride a stone park bench in a city in Italy. Because I have bad manners I do something I completely hate when people do; I scroll to the left. The next picture is of them seated astride each other on a concrete bench with the leaning Tower of Pisa looming in the background . They are looking into each other’s eyes. It’s a great picture, artistically speaking. She’s beautiful. She’s one of those ladies who people say “doesn’t look like a mother of three.”

“Look at this dove in this picture.” I point at a dove near them, one of the many self assured doves in Europe. Fearless doves that walk right up to you. Doves that pose in your picture. I love doves. Have you heard the sound the Mourning Dove makes? It just untangles every knot within your body. People shouldn’t see therapists, they should lie on a blanket in a park and listen to the Mourning Dove coo. Twice daily. Then eat an apple.

“This was the last trip we took together,” he says. “On that same day we landed, she wrote a message to one of the guys she was having a thing with saying, ‘I tried reaching you, can’t reach you. Your baby is back.’.”

“That must gut you, man.”

“What do you do? You accept your fate. You can’t change it.”

“Will you ever get married again?”

“For now? Right this moment? Naah. But now is not the right time to give a definitive answer. But if one day it happens, it happens.”

I sigh.

***

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361 Comments
    1. This is deep. I feel so sorry for the guy. Curiously though, why does it feel more painful when the betrayal comes from the lady? Is it because of how innocent they look? Ama it’s just that philandering is more of a man thing that a woman’s?

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      1. To answer to your question, i think its because the society has painted women as faithful so if it happens it bacomes a big shock. Being cheated on whether a guy does it or a girl…the pain is the same. But more painful if you were always faithful and gave it your all and yet someone didnt care about the relationship.

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      2. I wonder the same too because if it were the other way round and the guy was he one cheating he would have apologized and expected to be forgiven. But when its a woman the entire situation is demonized to a point of not return..

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        1. There is no point it is written that the woman has apologised. Coz they dont often apologise. How can he forgive an unapologetic person?

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        2. Society’s double standards… women are supposed to be pious, forgiving and when men cheat they are told, “It is their nature, all men cheat”
          A great read all the same and quite sad….

          “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent.”

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        3. Its quite unlikely that a husband will have a baby with another woman, and his wife thinks she is the mother of the baby, only to find out she is not the mother by going through a DNA test!

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        4. He’s paying for the kid he didn’t father…that’s the pain when a woman cheats. A man pays for his philandering…you can read the woman was receiving “school fees”

      3. The fact that it’s uncommon. Also, women have a lot on their plates so when she throws in an extra man it leaves one asking way too many questions.

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      4. David,my question too.Why does betrayal from a woman feel that bad?Why is it unacceptable?Are there things that only a man do like cheating?

        1. Good question Eve. When a man cheats on a woman, she is expected to forgive him and if she decides to leave she will be demonized for not being able to ‘keep’ a man, We are told things like we should accept that men are polygamous and what not when it hurts just the same as when a woman cheats on her man.

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      5. good question.Honestly I think cheating is what it is, hurts both ways. sijui kwa nini we are feeling this story so much, men get away with the same. Not supporting the act though.

    2. THE TIMING OF THIS! Baby daddy wanted a DNA,I obliged did research and sent deets in Jan then I got ghosted…oh well.
      Indeed there are dad’s and there are fathers. My son may have neither but sure glad mr cool was able to channel his anger to the adult not the innocent child.

      Man,I aspire to that level of cool though!

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    3. Nice people don’t necessarily meet with nice people.

      I will never understand why sometimes life treats us so bad even when we had all the intentions to live it right .

      But when all is said and done,find your pieces and walk away.Man liveth in search of love and more love.

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      1. @ Derrick. Can i borrow this quote “I will never understand why sometimes life treats us so bad even when we had all the intentions to live it right” i promise to return….. Heart-wrenching story there Biko

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        1. Totally insane,I suppose..I kennot..comprendre.the ultimate misfortune is that good people..no..(pause with my palms held together and my lips pressed )okay..good people never even get a corner office..bad things happen to good people!I hope good peole will ultimately go to heaven..period!

      2. She is ice cold. It’s very hard to believe that the fear of offending is stronger than the fear of pain, but it really is. Why are they even still in the same house?????

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      3. @Derrick Maingi “Nice people don’t necessarily meet with nice people.

        I will never understand why sometimes life treats us so bad even when we had all the intentions to live it right .“

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      4. You are right. Being nice doesn’t guarantee you getting nice people. But I feel with age one gains wisdom. And life is too short to remain miserable. Pick up your pieces and move on.
        I never used to understand what was meant by you can live with someone and not really know them. Now I do.
        Human beings are more complex than they are simple.

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      5. Regardless of society’s double standards where women ought not cheat or where men shouldn’t be the ones receptive to betrayal and deception …..hurt and pain doesn’t take notice of the gender… It’s a gut ass feeling that hits you hard… Like any other emotion.
        That said…. We’ve managed to be okay with the idea of broken marriages and think of it as a norm to divorce since you know…. It being the 21st century and all…
        But a question that will always linger in mind…. Is it still okay to walk your boujee asses to the alter and make a covenant/vow/promise to your supposed other half and before God…that you’ll forever be faithful and till death does you part….. Knowing full well of the uncertainties that comes with the vow….
        Guess my naivety will be straightened out once i fit in those shoes and 6 or more years down the marriage lane…I’d be the one battling in courts with my lawyer for that divorce.

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    4. Ha haaaaaaaaa haa, nothing new. Just that the tables have turned, I mean, women have gone through all these for eternity … and learnt that there’s no guarantee in human relationships.

      1. True about tables turning but the part about NEW that’s a fact it’s not common its NEW…Our culture had already conditioned us about men having more than one woman thats not new and etc. Its also in the Bible about men and multiple women, not the case with ladies though. Correct me if I’m wrong. All that said, I wish him a quick recovery and healing process.

    5. Macy, I would say the same. Before I offer me, are these stories real? The way Biko writes his stories, give you or put you before the characters and you can see the events unfolding just before your eyes. I feel for him and I would like to get up close so that I give him a different kind of life. Kind of fun that will. Make him heal fast.

  1. “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”
    This was deep and intriguing!! Sigh!

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    1. This was the last trip we took together,” he says. “On that same day we landed, she wrote a message to one of the guys she was having a thing with saying, ‘I tried reaching you, can’t reach you. Your baby is back.’.”

      This was totally heart wrenching!

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    2. This was the last trip we took together,” he says. “On that same day we landed, she wrote a message to one of the guys she was having a thing with saying, ‘I tried reaching you, can’t reach you. Your baby is back.’.”

      To heart wrenching this part…

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      1. Arimi Lotomori Kapel!
        I still can’t figure out how that guy maintained his cool even after getting his hands on the damning evidence of his wife cheating.
        These are the temptations you ask God to never let them come your way.
        My warrior blood is already boiling!

    3. In Johari’s window, there is the Arena (known to self and others), Blind (Not known to self but Known to others), Unknown (Not Known to Self and Not Known to others) and the Facade (Known to Self and Not known to others). It is the Facade that many hide. It is what you won’t know if the person you are interlocuting with deliberately decides you won’t. However, when people are true and honest to each other, as they interact with feedback (less and less noise in encoding and decoding) the Arena expands reducing the other three windows. That brings in last week’s Next of Kin where the man said he puts all the cards on the table before his two wives.

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      1. Really unfair to lie about the paternity of a child..for shagging multiple men we need to hear the other side of the story. Was the man rampantly cheating and was therefore beaten in his own game?!

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  2. You said we don’t overthink the info about her clutch purse and now that’s exactly what I wanna do.I think you mentioned that it’s red because this week is Valentine’s week hahaha.
    *googles licentiousness*

    Ati John is a low hanging fruit,lol.Si you would have used Brian instead.Brian is a low hanging fruit.
    This article moved me to tears.The more I read such articles,the less I feel ready for marriage.Indeed there is no guarantee in human relationships.

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  3. Definitely telling the story relieves some pressure off the dejected guy. Apart from sharing this painful story, I hope you advised him to seek professional help. Plus, what is HIS story of deception? Curious to know.

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  4. Biko, kindly don’t stop writing these series, I love it when you write about real stories affecting real people.

    However, I feel like your stories are about people who are from one walk of life. The well off people. Try and incorporate stories of people who have never set a foot in an airport or eaten those fancy menus you always mention.

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    1. I think it depends on the subject Biko is treating in his series. There was a period in 2017 when he wrote about people who had undergone emotional traumas and were living in refugee camps. You can check, There Were Birds But They Did Not Sing. It’s one of the stories. He didn’t talk about airports or fancy meals there, but villages and trees and living off donations and keeping together the little you have.

  5. “That must gut you.” Many times words are used because they fit the meaning, but every once in a while a word falls so perfectly in place, like it found its destiny in that sentence. ‘Gut’ is such a word here. I know, because I’m going through something similar-ish right now. And when I read “gut” I felt it in my stomach.
    It is so sad that such a long relationship in which such a man thought he was doing everything right (and was happy in, presumably) is reduced to such a short story. It’s f***ing tragic. But that’s life sometimes, ey?

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  6. Broken trust is hard to mend, the heart heals fast….most interesting is that we have no guarantee with human relationships….expect the best but prepare for any eventuality…nothing is preordained.

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  7. Boredom is a killer. I don’t think people “stray” because they lack for anything, save for escaping their bored/boring selves (or partners who’d put Lucy Dent to shame at Dictionary Corner)… but then see what cheap thrills end up as.

    This passage cracked me up though: “He says, “Gimme the damn sample.” So you fetch a serviette from your inside jacket pocket and unwrap it. He immediately exclaims, “What the f*k, what is that?!” You say, “My son’s tooth.” He says, “My God, you took out his whole tooth?” You say, “I thought that’s what you wanted? I wanted to make sure you have enough.” He starts the car and says, “Jesus Christ, get out of my car, you are sick.””

    Damn I wish I’d written that picture.

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    1. I have heard before that people cheat because their partner is boring. Get out of here, a boring person is always a boring person. When did that change? Don’t look for excuses for your bad behavior. Hope the next one excites you to death.

  8. I love how he was calm and collected… and how at the end of it all, he has realized that the daughter is not to blame for this. It’s the woman. and he will not act like that man who just wants to pay school fees and not be a dad… God bless this man!

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      1. Those are tits, balls are too sensitive. Try hitting yours with a rolling pin. Again, it’s balls that brought all this pain; basketballs with friends. Let’s not mention balls again.

  9. They say all good men are taken, and the rest are ruined . Good thing the good ones are slowly getting released back in to the pool, hopefully not too damaged

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  10. Finally a woman! A betrayer! Women are great at perfecting the act of infidelity. This one is cold and calculating?! One man…hmmm but 4?? Crowning it off with a baby,???? She was in her world. Perhaps the husband too did not push for more together time??? Maybe her sex drive was over normal??? Men need to get the “my marriage is perfect syndrome” from their heads! When is the last time a man checked under his bed? Mattress? Kitchen cabinets? Wardrobes??? Offered to cook, watch a movie. Tell wife you love her, offer to join her in her hobbies? etc??? Women love affirmations!!! This is a sad story. That wife seems to be a serial maneater. Oh! Guys! Perfect marriage or not! DNA please! Don’t just sit and chest thump about how you got sons or daughters!

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    1. People cheat because they want to. You can do everything possible and impossible, you can have it perfect, but the other person will still cheat if they want to. It’s a conscious self-decision.

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    2. It somehow still had to get back to blaming the boychild. Dude was hanging out with her when the call came. He’d just taken her to a trip when she got back and first person she contacted was another man? Kwani you wanted him to take her to the moon to make them spend more time together?

      4
  11. I’m lost for words. This are the things that make marriage scary. You think you know your partner but oh no… when ish hits the fan, you begin to question yourself if at all you knew them. Sending hugs and love his way.

  12. “You know, when I told her mother about all these things she couldn’t believe it. Nobody could. Nobody! She is the last person you would expect this from; I mean no one saw this coming. She always carried herself as an innocent and pious person. She is the type who prefers to stay at home rather than go to the bar. She is a great mother and homemaker, very, very calm…”

    ……“My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

    Those two paragraphs!!

  13. How this man is not behind bars yet is beyond my mind! I wouldn’t have hired a detective to investigate screenshots, For what? I would have lashed at her while she was basking in the sun, probably rewinding the moans with one of her male licentious acquaintances.
    No, I wouldn’t have done that because I am not married yet. Jeez, honestly though, I can take my wife or girl cheating, but waking up to find that one of my Children has someone else’ blood? Like, how now? My child with someone else’ blood?

    2
  14. I’m lost for words. These are the things that make marriage scary. You think you know your partner but oh no… when ish hits the fan, you begin to question yourself if at all you knew them. Sending hugs and love his way.

  15. I have this deep pit in my stomach after reading this, somehow I feel like I need closure on behalf of this guy. Honestly, though this guy needs to see somebody, I have a feeling he has undisclosed feelings that are begging to come out.

    8
  16. Biko kindly don’t stop writing these series. I love it when you write about real stories affecting real people.

    However i feel like your stories are about people who are from one walk of life. The well off type. Try and incorporate stories of people who have never set foot in an airport or eaten those fancy menus you always mention.

    6
  17. And here I thought that not receiving a reply to my text in 30 minutes with a guy I have dated for two months is the worst kind of hurt and betrayal. Only shows that the level treachery is advanced in some. How do they sleep? How they wake up in the morning and go on through the day like nothing ever happened? Forget paternity tests and what have you because times like these we need a treachery test.(Ili tujue beforehand).
    Time heals all wounds. Hang in there.

  18. Damn! I know as women we are quick to label men as dogs but aren’t we some bitches?! I pray he finds healing and that his family finds a way out of this. If you are not ready to be faithful, don’t bother getting entwined with another person’s future. What about that innocent little girl? Shaaaa,,,

    5
  19. Screenshots are life. They save you a lot when someone is gaslighting you. Take them, they will restore your sanity. Trust me, they will.

    1
  20. Jeeze this is deep.. to men and women living with complete strangers as spouses may God give you strength…. this is betrayal of the highest degree..
    ……“My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.” …… this here is very true… My heart goes out to people living with cheating spouses…

    2
  21. This is breathtaking. Women are the worst people on this planet earth, there was no sense of guilt in her when she was doing this?
    A failed relationship and marriage is a contribution of two people. I hope he understands what we women really want and be able to offer that in the next marriage if there will be any… All in all that woman is trash

  22. Deep sigh.

    Who did that guy bribe to have that kind of stability and calm? At eleven years of marriage I’d think a couple would be the perfect candidates for those love games of how much one knows about the other person. Absolutely sad that one selfish person creates sadness and hurt from thin air.

    2
    1. True Wesh,

      That kind of calm and stability is just on another level.

      Had it been me, you would have seen me in the news in those stories about double/triple murder then suicide

      Some people are blessed with great sobriety.

  23. Things i googled surreptitious,sotto voce, licentious, Hannibal Lecter am schooled. Now “Because I have bad manners I do something I completely hate when people do; I scroll to the left. ” stop this its 2019 and still falls under bad bad manners.

    The innocent ones are the hardest to read. “Of my three children turns out the last one was not mine.” this broke my heart to pieces, am glad his learning not to reflect the deception on the little girl.

  24. OMG!

    “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

    So True

  25. That’s just pure psycho, zero conscience. I don’t see how a rational human would have multiple affairs and yet agree she doesn’t lack anything from the husband. In that man’s situation, I too would be sending “nitumie hiyo pesa kwa hii number” messages.

  26. wow, I really don’t feel like going to basketball court today after reading this. But only for today…..aaaand maybe tomorrow as well.

  27. And after all these, they are still staying under one roof? Nah.
    “I suspect that these calm people who make great decisions in the haze of such emotional and intense moments are insane”
    He is on another level that guy.

  28. Too deep, too much to take in. I am tempted to argue that men do this kind of shit all the time, but, this man…this man is a gentleman. Maybe heal.

  29. “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 percent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”
    I can’t agree with this more. very very true biko

    1
  30. I don’t mean to take away from this story but whenever I read stuff like this, I cannot help but feel a little mad at the women. Come on, you have a good husband, who takes care of you and the babies you have made, and takes you to Italy for holiday, and you cheat on him and treat him like this!? Do you know how hard it is to find a good husband in this Nairobi of ours!!! I’ve been looking for one for the past six years and I am yet to find him. Granted, I never leave my house but goddammit, treat a man right! SERIOUSLY….

    7
    1. Sad story..however I dont know get the utter shock of most people commenting, havent we lived with this happening to women all the time..??Countless times we hear of men cheating with MULTIPLE women. Anyway , lesson learnt, human relationships are complex aka is hard small.

      2
  31. ‘His heart starts pounding. His stomach starts acting weird. He wants to pee. He wants to lie down on the floor and take deep breaths.’ So sad but real, I can relate…….

    1
  32. “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

    Is there a more definition of people than this. I think the reason this man is this stable is because he has a clear conscience but i really pray he heals and still remains a good father. BLESS THAT MAN.

  33. This is heart-wrenching , I can almost feel his pain..deep deep pain.
    But he is also sounds like an amazing human being because even after all that he is still positive and full of love for his daughter.
    *hugs*

  34. Damn! I feel for the guy, gotta be painful dealing with all that. Handled the matter so soberly – takes a lot of emotional maturity to handle it the way he did. Life moves on man. My mantra – every thing that happens is for a reason, good or bad. Take it in the chin, life will be kind to you eventually.

  35. In the literary classics, the woman who dares betray her husband suffers a predictable fate: death, suicide, social condemnation. Today’s modern femme philanderers though, seem to take it all in stride. I’d like to believe she was operating under the notion of avoiding to get caught, where a little affair(s) can perk up a (her) marriage. Or probably the husband was only capable of doing so much, and it wasn’t enough, no? For a long while I thought one’s spouse was meant to be your co-star and a rock in your life but this lady’s multidimensional character, one needs a lot of different colors on their palette!

    In my opinion, the individual and often taboo ways that many women have seemingly managed to stay married for the long haul, heck some for as long as 20 years, is probably having sex even when they don’t want to. Rekindling old flames. Finding themselves boyfriends with boundaries – a male flirtation, without the sex, to keep them on their toes. Cheating, if they must. Clearly, from this story, the happiest women in this town, have a sense of purpose and passion outside of marriage!

    By the way these trysts are coming to the fore, its no surprise that cultural critics have declared marriage dead. Marriage is hard, there’s no gold standard for it. Every woman and man, should feel free to create their own marriage. If that means necking in the back of a Cadillac with an old high-school flame – so be it. Having a long-term affair with your gardener? If you must. Who are we to judge, ‘ey? We’ve heard the gentleman’s side of the story, the estranged wife needs to give us her side of the story too.

    Yet while the repercussions of cheating can be nasty, most of us know they’re hardly as threatening as they might once have been. Today’s affairs can be worked through, even tolerated. Men and women are happily identifying themselves being in “open” marriages. We all need more than just a husband/wife to be happy: ladies have girlfriends, hobbies, but they’ve also integrated ex-boyfriends into their lives (as friends) and strangely enough certain husbands love it.

    I can bet my bottom dollar that most women will readily admit that there are times when they gaze out their kitchen windows, longing for a glimpse of Elvis, that next door neighbor – so that she can gush about her day. It’s not cheating; Elvis is simply the kind of close platonic friend that probably every woman should consider (and every husband should encourage), I’d like to believe. It surely beats the thought of a partner at a swing club. But how realistic is it?

    The long and short of it is everyone in a relationship has likely wrestled with that nagging question: can one person really satisfy every need?

    10
    1. “Elvis is simply the kind of close platonic friend that probably every woman should consider (and every husband should encourage), I’d like to believe. It surely beats the thought of a partner at a swing club. But how realistic is it?”

      The problem of keeping a chicken as a pet is that one day, you will feast on it.

      3
  36. Every time I read of these stories I just feel terrible for myself. I feel guilty as charged. How does one change from bad behavior? A habit that bring you down psychologically? A besetting sin? A thing that trickles down to physical. I feel am losing weight because of psychological torture. I want to overcome.

  37. May God protect every marriage from these attacks, scavengers and hawks.

    Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

    Only the grace of God will heal you.

    3
  38. These stories make it hard to believe anyone nowadays coz you get married and feel like the worst is over then this happens!
    Biggest take away from this is: Nothing is a guarantee and you can never know someone 100%
    Question is ; Is it worth it? If He would go back would he choose differently?

    1
  39. This so heart-wrenching, I’m gobsmacked, I almost felt like it was me. Damn! This makes marriage the more scary, you think you know the person you’re with till ish hits the fan and they become an overnight stranger.

  40. “I suspect that these calm people who make great decisions in the haze of such emotional and intense moments are insane”

    It only means that i am insane.

  41. Weuh! In God we trust.
    Deception is real.
    I feel so sorry for this guy. I wonder if in addition to all the detective work and DNA samples to establish whether the kids were his, he actually went to get tested to ascertain that he hadn’t contracted any sexually transitted disease from his wife.
    One wonders what kind of woman juggles guys like that. From the kind of guys she’s been with..’interior designer’ working on their house, ex-boss…she sounds opportunistic; the homely type of woman who will shag the gardener, painter or the delivery guys. She may be a nymphomaniac addicted to the thrill of her escapades.

  42. He immediately exclaims, “What the f*k, what is that?!” You say, “My son’s tooth.” He says, “My God, you took out his whole tooth?” You say, “I thought that’s what you wanted? I wanted to make sure you have enough.” He starts the car and says, “Jesus Christ, get out of my car, you are sick.”…This part had me laughing so hard…hahaha

    Waaah..This man is so calm am gobsmacked..

    You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years.
    And 11years seem enough to atleast know someone well and to have unmasked the picture.But noooo
    Humans beings are so deceptive…Khai!!!

  43. This men series makes me think i am a real saint!!! Cultured saint! We are currently living in a ‘vice versa’ world. Women have perfected what could only be executed by the boy child. And the vice is worst explained by the fact that, its now the happily married women who ventures in a territory previously a reserve for few single’s.

  44. This story is so surreal. Biko, i know you are doing a series on men but could you write the wife’s side of the story? Please. Why would this man allow his serial cheating wife back to their home after playing him for such a fool? What does she have over his head? And how does a woman so adept at cheating make such a silly mistake of voluntarily giving her phone to her husband with all evidence of her “licentiousness” still intact? This just doesn’t add up! It feels like there is a side of the story that only the wife can tell.

    3
  45. A sad story though I’d love to hear the lady’s side of the story too before judging. When men do the same the women are asked to persevere, recite the novena and watch fireproof!

  46. Am 25yrs old and now more convinced to be single for the rest of my life. My younger brother once told me, celibacy isn’t a sin. My last heart break in 2016 taught me never to trust anybody furthermore who would want to be married to a person who will never trust them. I love my life I would rather paint sketch, write poetry and listen to music all my life in piece. Adopt a child and raise him/her to be a good person in the society. Marriage is gambling where one stakes his heart with all it’s feelings and emotions. To the men in wrong marriages may God console you in your breakpoints.

    1
  47. This is the saddest story i have read in my entire life.
    “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”
    This statement right here takes the day. true to every word.

  48. There is no formula in life. You could be with someone for as many as 100 years and it still ends up a sad and embarrassing story. You could meet someone in a month and you have the best time of your life!! Live life. If it works out fine. If it doesn’t, still fine.

  49. We live in a world we know nothing about, and people we live with we have nothing with them. Its a ZigZag kinda life out here. Peace to that guy!!! Peace be with him.

  50. The only guranteed relationship is with Jesus Christ…
    Human beings are deceptive and wicked.. Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and is sick;who can understand it?
    This is so sad.

  51. Yes teacher i want to answer the kind of sigh that the guy taking samples made- the kind that says i aint ur momma!

    We have heard the mans sad part of the story but i think we would learn more if we understood what pushed the lady to these limits….. something was lacking at home. doesn’t make it right but will surely help avoid a repeat.

    1. True, there are always two sides……Is this shocking and sad to many people because it happened to a man yet this is the reality that women live with everyday and it is considered normal for men to cheat and sire children out of wedlock…????

      1
  52. The thing about the current series is that it helps one wrap around your head the extreme passion crimes people commit. Guys wipes his entire family and takes his life and you wonder what the hell is this world is coming to. Its betrayal that is beyond words. But a piece like this makes you realise that you can be calm and analytical in the face of extreme adversity.
    But it still beats me how Biko can dose such a rugged story with humour…He immediately exclaims, “What the f*k, what is that?!” You say, “My son’s tooth.” He says, “My God, you took out his whole tooth?” You say, “I thought that’s what you wanted? I wanted to make sure you have enough.” He starts the car and says, “Jesus Christ, get out of my car, you are sick.”…

  53. I’m speechless! What betrayal! Truly, there are no guarantees in human relationships.

    I wonder why she asked him to back up her phone while she was aware of the incriminating evidence therein. Why did she get sloppy? Did she secretly want him to discover her cheating ways?

    I wish him closure and healing.

  54. This is so fucked up! I feel pain on behalf of this man. I don’t know how he is sane and still functioning. 11 years of marriage and you get these shockers? Women out here are looking for good men to get married to yet those who have them are cheating on them to the point of having kids outside. This woman is the devil herself. Why do people get married if they can’t be faithful? Walk away instead of doing shenanigans and causing irreparable damage to others. It is never that serious.

  55. My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

    “You know, I told her that I never knew her. I told her, ‘I don’t know who you are.’ After 11-years of marriage she became a stranger overnight.”

  56. You know, when I told her mother about all these things she couldn’t believe it. Nobody could. Nobody! She is the last person you would expect this from; I mean no one saw this coming. She always carried herself as an innocent and pious person. She is the type who prefers to stay at home rather than go to the bar. She is a great mother and homemaker, very, very calm…”

    a case of still waters run deep

  57. I felt the pain as I read this .
    Deep pain.
    The kind of pain that sort of reels you back from a haze of unreality of morphine.
    Real and alive pain that seems to be walking inside you.

  58. I am lost here! She been living in the guest room since July in the guise of ensuring she leaves in sober way and not destabilize the kids. The children can already see the rift between the parents. Let the guy sober up and kick this lady out!

  59. This story resonates well with a family I know.Same setting, different characters. The only different thing is that the hubby is the only person who isn’t aware.Everyone else around knows.

  60. Now give us stories of those really beautiful working relationships (like the one I know of) coz it seems your stories are only fine when there is terrible tragedy…You cannot only be the Devil’s advocate on marriage and relationships…

    c’mon Biko, even Westlife did Fool Again but also did My Love…

  61. That woman didn’t change. She must have been like that even before marriage. The guy just didn’t see it…so unfortunate though.

    1. This sadly is what most women go through all their lives.They are always admonished to keep it together for the sake of the family unity.I bet now men can understand better what women contend with and the accompanying pain resulting from such a betrayal.What happened to faithfulness? Why is it so alien?Is a few minutes of thrill worth the breaking of hearts and homes?Why not stay single and shag till you drop?
      ION,that guy’s maturity in handling this issue is on another level.Few breeds like him left.Wish him peace as he gets over that pain.

      1
  62. “You do DNA?!” He ignores you and says, “Do you have the sample?” You say, “Hold on a second, do you do DNA testing or are you the guy who is sent to pick the sample?” He sighs [someone in class guess what sigh this is] and rolls his eyes.

    The impatient kinda sigh,
    Where do this calm men live?with all this rollercoaster of events.

    1
  63. All men are dogs, all dogs are male…..granted. With such tales it is a vindication of the dogs! Moreso the calmness and sobriety of the man. Why go waste in Kamiti whilst you can ride the highest wave and emerge a legend?

  64. Well, as much as it is a sad story, I don’t blame her. There must have been a good reason why she strayed. She probably loves her husband too, as wierd as that might sound. The side pieces were meant to add a little spice not replace her husband. Perhaps marriages should indeed be renewable contracts with proper exit clauses. I hope they do what is best for the children.

  65. How does one heal in this stance? The child is a constant reminder, too many men. one man is relateable, 4 is just too many. The pond is big, there is a whale, a shark, a tilapia and ‘omena’ and then the mudfish. The mudfish just dirties the waters. Which fish are you? BIG or small, men love being big!!! How does such a man find himself in such an estuary?
    An otherwise woman brings her house down with both legs.

    The silent ones.

  66. Quite sad. Nothing isblack and white in this world. That’ts why each time i read a story about a man or woman cheating I wish there was a second narrative. The other side of the coin. Wouldn’t it be awesome if after that the woman’s story is written? It doenst have to be pious or some kind of story to justify what she did. It could be her laying all the cards on the table. The good and the nasty, then perhaps we will get an even better understanding of the human psyche. There is danger in the one sided story.

  67. Well, as much as it is a sad story, I don’t blame her. There must have been a good reason why she strayed. She probably loves her husband too, as wierd as that might sound. The side pieces were meant to add a little spice not replace her husband. Perhaps marriages should indeed be renewable contracts with proper exit clauses. I hope they do what is best for the children.

    1
  68. we see marriages crumbling all over but still the single want to get married! UN-believable. This piece has spoken directly to me. i’ll be referring to it, whenever marriage thought crosses my mind.

  69. Maaaaan! This is so messed up aki. I have had a roller-coaster of emotions reading this. Do we realize the ripple effect of our actions? What happens to miss last born when she does grow up and finds out the truth. All the parties involved need counselling. And this woman, she has just started paying for her sins. She needs to be ready for when her children find out. #MyGoodness.

  70. I wonder why she became sloppy after all those years. That she left all that stuff on her phone and had him back it all up is fascinating. Perhaps she wanted him gone way before he did.
    May he find healing and not carry this baggage with him on to the next.

    1. My thoughts exactly, she was careless with her phone though am not in any way justifying her actions. I feel for the guy and feel he’s got unfinished business…he certainly needs professional help.

  71. Oh my! This is sad on another level. Women too are real bitches, but when God gives you peace that surpasses human understanding, you are blessed.

  72. I love his calm such calm gives you closure in itself, it makes you realize the strength you have that you never knew you did.

    Marriage is more than what meets the eye.

  73. Phenomenal! You stayed calm and collected, after this discovery? I think there’s a word in the English dictionary that should be replaced by your name. I cannot think which one though.

  74. The guy really let the woman (yes, I called her woman. I don’t think it’s fit to say ‘the wife’ anymore) sleep in the spare room? After finding out the extent of her infidelity? May God give me such grace in this life

  75. Are we sure the wife did not do this intentionally? I mean, she did not bother to clear evidence -logs, texts.. Was she trying to pass a message?

    Revelations like that can break a man. Hurts to the core. It’s a jungle out here maan

  76. sorry man. Please Read ” Rationale Male” it explains alot about the relationship dynamics and why stuff like that probably happened

  77. Same shit happened to me. Difference is she took up with our immediate neighbor who was a father of 3. Only thing I can say is God ( and time) is a great healer.

    1
  78. This story resonates with me not because I have experienced it but because I would have reacted the same way he did. I would keep everything bottled up as I carry out my research then unleash the dossier when I have full facts. Trust when broken is very hard to piece back together. Hope with time, he will find tranquility.

  79. My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships.
    I’m enjoying the men and marriage series but with a box of tissues.
    This was really sad,to love and get broken after,
    Are we supposed to reduce our threshold of expectation or go in with no feelings really ?
    John Green says it better than i ever would,
    “It is treacherous to think more of someone than they actually are.”

  80. This is perfectly sad and painful..
    I now understand where my trust issues arose from.. And why they’ll never leave.
    Humans Can be Deceptive…

  81. Damn! This must have hurt…

    Biko,
    This is the second time you’ve inferred Kilgoris – my home town- come on man… there are pretty good stories that can come out of there as well.

  82. Men have secret families and keep some yellow yellow chic who they call each other babe. This model dad will be at the chics house in West from 5pm and drive home at Midnight from some catch up with friends from the investment WhatsApp group. The day the wife will find out and call for a family meeting you will be told its a man’s nature to cheat. When it’s a woman, Biko writes about it. Itawakosti sana.

  83. Wah…. The truth is in today’s world women lie, men lie but women are a little better at not getting caught . A man somewhere is raising somebody’s kid but the same man has kid out there being raised by another man and the circle goes on

  84. Most of us are only one stupid phone update request from being caught and breaking our partners heart into pieces and we will just read this quietly and not comment. We are unhappy at home, we are already cheating and already too deep in it to come out without being blackmailed….. The only mistake this woman made is to ask for her phone to be updated. If most us “oh I feel so sad” asked for our phones to be updated……I want this man to give me his phone to update, a password and he walks out to bask. This woman was clearly missing attention and probably feeling unloved after 3 pregnancies…men it happens more to our wives than we think…and there is always a line of men willing to give her what she is missing…but then they mess up and go raw and wish they had not started it all…it’s just man eating man society……
    Before you pull this kind of move, be sure you can take care of yourself and your children if shit hits the fan. This woman can clearly not be independent and that is why she came back and she is probably still getting shagged to get the “school fees”. Most men would not accept their wives back and this guy has either been caught by his wife cheating before or he is just a nice guy….He should ask for the “school fees” though, And since the damage is already done, I would tell my “last borns” dad to keep sending the “school fees” to me until she is old enough to live my house na aongeze ya kutoa or I will report him to his wife….if nothing else, it will make you feel better.

    “What the f*k, what is that?!” You say, “My son’s tooth.” He says, “My God, you took out his whole tooth?” You say, “I thought that’s what you wanted? I wanted to make sure you have enough.”

    lol…Biko in your hilarious commentary you realize you pulled out the wrong tooth too…you should have pulled the last borns kid….the last kid is usually the last nail on a coffin of a woman who has had it all with a cheating or none performing husband.

    By the time we are done with this men series women will feel like pros or detectives….Boy child continues to be destroyed word for word!

  85. OMG….I feel like U wrote my story!!!….almost the same thing happened to me!!!8 yrs into the marriage..8 different men i discovered were doing her….bt I have 1 kid…a girl…n I wud’nt care 4 the DNA test…she’s Daddy’s girl …n no one can take that from me!!

  86. There are no guarantees in this life. Sometimes you feel lonely in a marriage and may look for the thrill in the arms of other men, consequences be damned. Until you are caught with your pants down literally then you start staring 8 by 8.

  87. “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

    This is so true in many ways

  88. I always thought of marriage as a holy sacrament, a calling of two anointed souls from God, until i grew up and learnt a lot of evil that surpass the goodness of it. I wonder how my parents have made theirs work for that long….
    It’s a bold choice to make nowadays it seems.

    Why are all the good guys taken everytime?

  89. “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”
    Learnt from experience

  90. Sounds like a script from ‘If loving you is wrong’ Faithful husband providing for family. Betrayal by wife. I feel sorry for the man. The DNA test results then. God grant me the patience of this man because I’ll be cooling my heels at Kamiti serving life sentence courtesy of homicide

  91. Don’t get married if you can’t commit! No messiness and no drama. If your cheating days are still part of your being, continue with this dysfunction while alone. This applies to men and women. Period!

  92. Well too bad it happened to him,he should have suggested they go for counselling…or he should have read a book about marriage….or maybe talk to friends and he would have found out that it rains everywhere.

  93. But where do they get these amazing men?I need me one.That said ,cheating is a choice, a very conscious decision.My heart goes out to those kids.

  94. How could she allow herself to be caught! It’s not the norm in the women’s world of extra marital affairs.
    The male folks can’t handle it well coz it hurts so much. I would want to hear her side of the story though.

  95. I feel for the guy. I’ve been on the same shoes.
    When my girl was born, I had to take a DNA. It was painful and scary. There was so.many red flags and I was sure the baby wasn’t mine.
    It haunts me till today..looking at my kid knowing that I doubted her as being my offspring.

    If you’ve come across betrayal or deceit or lies..you will never be the same…
    Humans are deceitful in nature..its only thats it’s hidden…

  96. In every broken marriage/ relationship, both parties have had a part to play. One of them may have been the catalyst but they both were responsible in one way or another. Own your part.

  97. Sad,may be even very sad.very level headed guy.
    May be the lady is a very sick person….nyphomania or some sort of other sexual dysfunction.they say nowadays no intelligent woman gets unwantedly pregnant [ not in this era of P2,TOP etc.how was she planning to hide the ” girl” for life? I’m sure she knows that DNA doesn’t lie,doesn’t fade and its for life coz its life in self.and who doesn’t know how to delete / de-clutter their inboxes?and who asks for child support that obviously isn’t supporting the respective child?May be she was in too deep,had had enough of observers now surrendering via asking for phone backup.
    I would pay a premium to hear/read her version…especially regarding the escapades with evening party organizer.

  98. “This was the last trip we took together,” he says. “On that same day we landed, she wrote a message to one of the guys she was having a thing with saying, ‘I tried reaching you, can’t reach you. Your baby is back.’.” ….

    I sighed…. One of those sighs that are filled with empathy and pity I guess. I am so sorry for that guy.

  99. Whaaaat….that man is made of strong, he inspires me with his calm approach to the whole thing. Someone pray for this guy, his strong has a limit. Zulu, you just never dissapoint. I will stop watching movies at this rate. Pole to this guy. Pole sana, from a man.

  100. Children belong to God, that is a fact. Nobody owns any child, we are just custodians. That assurance is necessary if you have an absent adult who has abdicated their responsibility, they will pay for their sin. So Mr. Man , just because there is no child as evidence of your philandering ways doesn’t make you a saint. Move right on and accept that life is that dynamic…play your basketball with your friends if that is what gives you joy in that thing you call marriage, and let your wife play the games that make her happy.

  101. The more i read your story……..the more i want to selfishly guard my emotions and the more i am afraid to let anyone past my circle of emotional safety!Enough said,infidelity doesn’t happen overnight,it must have been a series of events that he happened to overlook at one point or the other or he was too deep into his ‘busy life’ to see.From your story,he provides…….no doubt about that after all “she didn’t lack for a thing” but is that all we look forward to when we get ourselves into marriage?I sympathise with your friend but i refuse to judge until you get to write the wife’s part of the story.

    1. While I, to some extent, see where you are comimg from, there are two things that compel me to continue to see her malicious. The first, and for me, the more atrocious is her deliberate effort to keep it from her husband that he was not her daughter’s father. She obviously was privy to this fact but quite clearly hoped to fool her husband throughout their journey of parenthood. Almost equally diabolical, is her asking that the father provide for her daughter’s schooling, even when her husband quite willingly clear the fees, for the whole year, in one go.

  102. Women,

    Tell us,

    What the hell do you consider as a happy marriage??? Coz no woman is ever content….they have these matrices of emotions and needs that no man would ever resolve, even with the best of statistical regressions.

  103. The ability to master such calmness amidst adversity is a master piece.
    Some reasons that scare the hell out of me in getting married

  104. But why is it a big deal when a guy is cheated on?

    Women go through this all the time; but when roles are reversed it’s an issue?

    Talk of double standards.

  105. This type of women who painted false pictures of innocent people are hard to understand. What they do under water is bigger than an organise alqaeda

  106. Five years from now, Alcohol, Dick and Pussy will still exist. Can’t say the same about missed opportunities. Get your priorities right. Destroying families and relationships because of the three pleasures needs to come to an end.

    1. There’s zero motivation in this world to play nice.
      Even if you are naturally good you’ve to become cruel to survive in this world.

  107. I am in my final year of my pursuit of an undergraduate degree at one of the universities around. As we (my friends and I) mulled over the structural design project that lay in front of as, the question of infidelity was cane up (it had been a long afternoon. I feel a bit of an interlude was very much in order). We concluded that it is often easier for women to move on from the psychological torment arising from infidelity than it is for men. It is my feeling that when men cheat, it often speaks to a man’s sexual greed. When a woman strays, however, it often speaks to a man’s inability to sexually satisfy his partner. And often associated with this, is stigma and one often has to bear the label ‘Not-Man-Enough’

  108. Waaah! This is sad. This guy wiuld have tried to dig deep as to why sge did it. May be her sex drive was at a higher level than his, or she is a sex addict.

  109. Loyalty takes years to build, but seconds to destroy. Most men confuse financial support with emotional and moral support. There is more to life than money, trips and gifts it seems like most men don’t get this basic concept and are surprised when women act up.

  110. ” You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.” Deep

  111. This is somewhat a healer for me! To know that cheating is not just a thing men do, but a thing women do too! Bottom line , it’s a personal decision.. and to know there are good men out here too, those that work on their marriages and take them seriously, only to be betrayed! May God bring such my way!

    Betrayal hurts, you can never quite get to reconcile the two people, the one you knew and the one who betrayed you, the human mind just won’t reconcile that..

    Time heals.. it does! And the dots never make sense , until you join them going backwards!

  112. Salute to the man for being a daddy despite the betrayal. Marriage is work and since our parents infidelity has been there but most common with Men.When a woman does it, it’s not only the society that condemn her but nature too. Nothing hurts like betrayal and nothing makes life of a woman lack meaning like when she no longer connect with the hubby intimately even when she goes to all length to make the man see her beyond expectations of being a good mother, cook ,nurse, listener……All said and done it takes two commited hearts to stay true to each other despite the challenges they face in marriage

    1
  113. There is no good reason why people cheat, men or women, right?
    Well, i guess Yes, but this is because human have decided to play God, but even God gave man free will, who are we to assume otherwise?
    No one can tell why people do what they do, and none can judge what was done without understanding why, and sometimes the “Why” is deep rooted, even the doer in unaware of it.
    Come to think of it, should marriage vows go like “I like you, lets see where this leads….?

  114. Double standards. I know of men who do what this woman has done everyday. Married and yet sleeping around with multiple women, some with even young girls and worse still going for divorced women half of whom were cheated on by their husbands. Do you see the vicious cycle. People should start loving themselves more.

  115. ION, I know of a lady who married young and her husband cheats and a baby comes up from this transgression. She ends up divorced raising a child and now shagging someone’s husband. Whatever happened to the moral compass?

  116. This is sad. I feel for the guy. However, I feel some of you are not being truthful and would not have written the same if the man had cheated and sired children out there. Hmmm… Women are told to lose weight, be more attractive, cook better food and a plethora of nonsense to keep a man who has already strayed, from straying further. Women are further advised to fast and pray for their wayward men. They are also told to embrace the fruit of their husbands philandering and even asked to embrace the other woman as a sister. Thankfully, this man is not being told to do any of those things to keep his wife. We need to ask ourselves why our collective accusing fingers always point to the wife when a husband betrays her. Let us remember the woishe comments herein when a woman is cheated on out there.

  117. Dreams are valid

    The snooze button is very important. During the 10 minutes of snooze, i dreamt that I vied in an election as member of parliament and won, got called to state House for being too vocal against the president, received a brown envelope of 100M, gone back to my constituency and dished out 2M to opinion leaders to change the song and pocketed the change. I almost cursed why the alarm went out again!

    That’s how important the snooze button is. In 10 minutes you can dream that you are a millionaire through winning sportpesa, or even through robbing a bank. Bottom line is, you are monied. Because dreams are valid, dont waste any opportunity to dream.

    Like now I have made it my top most agenda to become an MP in future. I will therefore begin by vying for MCA this coming 2022. I still don’t know whether to vie in Mtongwe ward, Likoni constituency where I was born and raised up to my teenage, or Bamburi ward where I lived for 5 years working in Mombasa town, or my rural home Kasgunga ward in Mbita constituency where people see me once a year when I go to visit. But no matter where I decide vie, I am assured of one vote, my maternal grandmother’s. She has never missed any function in my name, she is my greatest fan.

    She attended my graduation ceremony in Eldoret, attended my wedding in Mombasa, attended my birthday ceremony in Nairobi, she even attended my ruracio ( nyombo in Luo) as a friend of my wife’s family. Basically she couldnt attend as my family member because Luo tradition deters women from the man’s side from attending the very important event in a man’s life. And of course my vote. I will therefore have two for starters.

    Dreams are valid. And that is why when you tell your boss that you dreamt that your are in his/her office swinging on that chair and calling the shots, he/she can have you transferred to another department of even fired. That’s how powerful dreams are.

    A married friend of mine recently told me how his ex girlfriend shared with him her dream that they were both in Zanzibar in a hotel room enjoying intimate time together. The two had to plan to actualise the dream and are currently in Zanzibar for closure, since they never broke up in a friendly manner. He had to lie that he went to Tanzania for a business trip.

    Chrispine, another friend of mine since high school one day dreamt that he was counting large amounts of money. He would count and dish some out while keeping some, and used to call himself a millionaire while in high school through to college. He is currently a bank teller in Migori town.

    That’s how valid dreams can be. So do not stop dreaming, and do not break your dream midway even if it means snoozing that alarm button. Dream, then pursue your dreams.

  118. I couldn’t agree with you more. When a man cheats and gets children outside marriage he is conidered a ‘bull’. For his wife, she should suck it up and go on living because ‘African men are polygamous by nature’. Newsfalsh, we all are.Women are tempted to cheat just as men are. Its only that most times they choose not to. While I feel sorry for this guy and pray he recovers psychologically, its time to accept that cheating is a choice. It hurts a woman just as bad as it hurts a man

  119. What does it take for people to just stay faithful and love one man or woman!. Some will say its *human nature* which never makes sense to me. Now women have joined in and now cheating is not just for men. Soon society will make cheating okay for women too and say we should forgive more in marriage because people make mistakes right? Its a cycle a bomb waiting to explode. Marriage is not what it was for our parents anymore….

  120. Is there eternal love between humans really? This is why I feel marriage should be on a contract basis, if it works well and good. I’d it doesn’t, revoke it! The script of till death do us part is rusted. Let’s change it

  121. Now, after all is said and done, can we be allowed access to his phone, that’s the only way I’m about to feel sorry for him. I don’t care how flat the pancake is, but it has two sides. I’m not condoning what she did, but what’s her story? And what’s his story? He only told us what he wanted us to know.

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  122. come on people….why do people act gobsmacked when women cheat..why does society normalize men’s philandering ways and encourage them to sow their wild oats with multiple women? then turn around and act like a woman has killed someone when they do the same? So women cheating women hurts more than men cheating huh?
    double standards.. **BIG SIGH**

  123. Too depressing a story for valentines day! I also feel the man is still not introspective enough…I recommend he read the Zahir by Paolo Coehlo…

  124. There is no, there will never be

    “My biggest lesson is that there is no guarantee in human relationships. You can live with someone and you can have kids with them, or a kid, but you will never know them 100 per cent. You will only see what someone shows you and some people can give you a false picture of who they are and do it consistently for years. Human beings can be very deceptive.”

    “You know, I told her that I never knew her. I told her, ‘I don’t know who you are.’ After 11-years of marriage she became a stranger overnight.”

  125. Nie reke gwiree!!! I haven’t grabbed these many popcorn like I have reading this piece! Excellent! at the same time reminds me of this shocking stories I hear in salons being shared by Mid-aged women & wonder why the society pressures people to “settle down” is it becoz it literally means (settle for LESS in your life??!! bcoz I know of a few individuals in an almost similar situation…both men & women)… Ooh Sigh…

  126. Men can’t handle the same hurt they put women through. Especially those who cheat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Don’t be too comfortable men, women are better schemers. I will take that to any bank.

  127. It’s a big difference when a man cheats than a woman. Men cheat w/ dick & women cheat w/ they heart. If your girl cheat she’s tired & scorn. WATCH OUT

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  128. I think cheating does not know gender but it stems from selfishness. For you to cheat, you must only be thinking about yourself and your needs/wants and not caring about how your actions will affect the other person. The betrayal is what drains your soul. And yet as he says, you will never know a person 100%. You can only be responsible for you and what you bring to the table and hope that your partner will do the same. And will at least respect you enough to let you know if anything changes. Too sad.

  129. I feel men marry for looks (she doesnt look like a mother of 3) and get surprised that its character they should have been looking for whilst women marry for money and get surprised when he has to work 10,000 hours in a month.

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  130. It seems that this lady didn’t even work hard to hide the existence of the affairs. She just left the evidence all over. Could it be she didn’t’ mind the husband finding out about her cheating?

    1
  131. In my opinion, I think many women today expect little in return for sex, in terms of time, attention, commitment or fidelity. Men, in turn, do not feel compelled to supply these goods as they once did. It is the new sexual norm for our generation. Men and women are hoping to find good partners without supporting the sexual norms that would actually make the other better.

    How I see it, marriage is not in decline, it is in delay. Both women and men want to be economically and educationally set before they marry – an ambition increasingly harder for a generational cohort facing crippling debt, poor healthcare and an economy where stable career ladders have been replaced by part-time freelance gigs and mega economic scandles!

    Watching half of our parents’ generation get divorced was probably not the biggest advertisement for marriage either. From this gentleman’s point of view, the one group where marriage appears to be in actual decline, rather than delay, is adults who are at the very bottom of the socio-economic hierarchy. At the opposite end of the spectrum, the group most likely to get married? Highly-educated women who are using their economic independence to renegotiate when and how they enter into an institution that previously required their gender subservience.

    1
  132. There are lots of people who tell themselves that their very active sex life is a form of liberation, when in fact they’re using sex as a way of numbing pain, a means of feeling validated.

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  133. For that reason I wont marry but if it happen well and good…am more of that 18 year old boy with no feelings in a past article if it does not work out I hope to handle it like you though

  134. I think this gentleman meeds to see a therapist, he is too calm in all this.
    My take home message ,human beings can be deceptive.

  135. If basketball equals to four men, what of soccer or rugby?

    Never leave a girl for cheating or for being pregnant by another, ask Joseph in the Bible. She is a good lady with an appetite for the wrong food. Let her know you are not her enemy but a confidant. No human is 100%, flings was her way of finding freedom. The problem isn’t her, it’s deep rooted. Retrace her childhood and make her a better wife.

  136. I firmly believe some women will only play the field after years of hurt from their partner. A man will cheat in the earlier years of the relationship and expect his woman to forgive and forget. We don’t. We remember and the more one cheats the more it exposes your woman to external parties. She tries with one, loves the attention and keeps going back. In no time everyone is happy minding their business.
    One day the man grows out of his cheating ways/being distant, he commits. A little too late.
    This is the story of many many women out here, men just lie to themselves they are in happy marriages.

    1
  137. Biko, great sad read but have an inclining that there’s a story behind this story. My gut says you should get the story from the other side. No…there’s definitely a story behind this one not being weird, just going with my gut feeling.