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Ships In The Night

The truth is that daktari is not going to find love in those emails. She was never going to find love in those emails. Actually, it’s going to be many, many years before she finds love. Sure, she will meet men she’ll have to stand on her tippy-toes to kiss, she will meet men who will make her laugh, men she will desire furiously, but she will not find love. Especially not with an email like the.she@yahoo.com, and certainly not on the yahoo platform. That’s a death knell. Time and age turned their backs on yahoo. Yahoo is a technology mummy.  

For the most part, her life will move along on a windy belt of humdrum. For years she will slave under the macabre silhouette of death in ICU, rescuing children from death but she will remain un-rescued from loveless-ness. She will finish her masters. She will cut her hair and go natural. Then dye it. She will take a stab at a PhD and struggle with it. She will tour France with her sister, drink wine and leave red lipstick stains on her glass while sharing endless wonderful moments and laughter under the Eiffel tower. She will continue watching her weight through many a Nairobi Restaurant Week and Burger Festivals. She will attend numerous Koroga festivals. Bourgeois will eat from her palms.

She will eventually abandon checking that yahoo account. Grass will grow on it; long elephant grass that whistles in the breeze. Seasons will pass. Moons will come and go. She will wake up one morning and she will be 33. Her relationship with money will be better than her relationship with men because she met Alex and Verah of Moran Capital Management and they changed her fortune. But she’ll still not be married. She will say it’s cool. That she’s blessed. That it’s God who provides husbands. That she has a mother she loves and a sister she adores. So she will say it’s cool. She doesn’t need a man. She’s happy. She will be dealing with an ex who calls her at midnight when high as a kite saying things like, “Daktari, I still love you, come on, what do I have to do before you believe me?” and she will tell him, “How about you call me when you’re sober,” but he would not call in the morning because sobriety is not a great chaser of brevity.  So she will leave well enough alone.

If you catch her when she is at her most vulnerable, on a Saturday night, three cocktails down, and ask her what she misses about being with a man. She won’t say she misses the companionship, or the cuddles during cold nights, or someone to talk to. She will say that she likes when a man stares at her body while she gets out of her clothes to jump into the shower.

She will be living in one of those overpriced and pretentious apartments in Kilimani with a balcony that overlooks another balcony. She will be driving a red VW Passat with interiors that smell of the tail end of spring. She will have added three kilograms onto her frame. Every Friday she will drink three cocktails to lament each of those three kilograms. But she will look fantastic, filled out in the right areas. She will have become a woman.

She will often take holidays alone. Walking in Forodhani, Zanzibar, at night in a wonderful dress with an open back, eating a chicken shawarma alone on a park bench. Sitting at the edge of the infinity pool at Lake Manyara Serena Lodge, feet submerged in water, sunset stoking the brown of her face, a cocktail glass sweating an arm’s length away. Or struggling to uncork a bottle of wine held between her feet at the patio of Pinklakeman Lodge as a herd of Maasai cattle waddle past down to the shore of Lake Elementaita, trailed by a cloud of dust and a feeble-looking herd boy. Macharia, the proprietor, always the bushman, will be knocking 60 years old then and still driving his beloved buggy around – and breaking more bones.

Three months after her 35th birthday she will leave work early, drive to Junction Mall and sit at Frozen Yoghurt. She’ll be having cravings because she will be on the second day of her menses – excruciating lower back pains, an ugly pimple on her temple. She will be wearing black pants, golden-tipped flat shoes and a foul mood. She will order Fro-Yo Mashups and eat with her head bent on her phone, reading The Long Read in the Guardian. Across from her will be two fat brats making a royal ruckus. They will be kicking about a poor blue ball. At some point, the ball will hit her yoghurt clear off the table and splatter it across the floor. She will look up furious, her spoon held halfway between her lips and the now empty table. The brats’ guardian will grab the two by their chubby arms and march them to her and say menacingly, “Apologise to the lady right now!” The fatter one with the bushy eyebrows that can hide a rodent will start crying. The slightly taller one, will mumble with trembling lips, “We are sorry, we spoilt your dinner.” She will grin and say, “It’s fine, it wasn’t my dinner.” They will be dragged away without another word from the chap.

The next day, at 5.20pm she will be standing at the Shawarma place at Kasuku center, waiting for the attendant to wrap her shawarma. There will be a new guy, not that menopausal chap they have now. She will hear someone behind her say, “Day one dinner; yogurt…day two dinner; shawarma. Now that’s a balanced diet.” She will turn to find the guy from the previous day, the one with the fat brats who spilled her “dinner.” He will look taller than he did. She will smile and say, “It’s not my dinner!” then add half sarcastically, “And where are Yang and Yang today?

“Incarcerated,” he will say, his eyes laughing, “They were a danger to themselves and plants.”

A brittle laughter will explain her lips. “Father of the year you are. Congrats.”

“Oh they are not mine. Are you going to eat both those shawarmas?”

“In my last life I was a big-boned woman. Only fair I feed her memory.”

His name is Todosia. He’s Pokot. Nine months later they will be married on a Tuesday. On the steps of the church she will break down and weep on his coat sleeve. Her sister will bite her lips with emotion. Her mother will glance at the heavens and breathe a sigh of relief.

Life will settle into a comfortable routine for her. She will be the funny one, he will be the emotional and passionate one. A baby will come the next year. A little Pokot with beautiful white teeth like young maize and his mother’s gorgeous eyes. He will buy an expensive car she can’t understand. Her private practice will thrive. They will fight about money. The real estate bubble had blown up five years back, so they will put a down payment on a wonderful Townhouse off the Northern bypass. They will try for a second baby unsuccessfully. She will snoop into his phone occasionally. Their son will grow to look like her, then like him. She will continue buying shoes she doesn’t need. When her grandfather, ailing from cancer, passes on, he will take their son for a long walk to allow her time to have a good cry in the bedroom.

He will quit smoking for a year and lapse back. A day after his 40th birthday, as the rain pounds down (because the weather always sucks when you have to have a prostate exam) she will take him for one and then afterwards, with a mocking hand on his arm, ask, “Did that bad man touch you inappropriately?” One day, he will come home drunk at 7am on a Saturday morning to find the maid hanging clothes on the line and his son watching a cartoon about wild animals who fight with laser guns, and he will find daktari in their bedroom standing in front of the wardrobe and she will not talk to him then, or for the next two weeks and when she finally does she will say evenly using his full name for the first time in many years: “Todosia, I already have one child in this house, I don’t need another, so do whatever pleases you.” That night he will feel a restless guilt eat at his small intestines. On her 39th birthday he will buy her a blue spray-can written ‘anti-sarcasm breath freshener’. She will laugh about that for a week. She will stop waxing then when he complains she will say, “Well, my friend, Frida knows of a man who does great waxing, I’m thinking of trying him.” He will stop drying his hair with a towel and turn to look at her with such an intense look of loathsomeness. She will smile coquettishly and shriek, “What?! You have no problem with my gyno being a man!” She will add weight and then lose it, then add it again and it will refuse to go. Especially her arms.

He will accompany her to Entebbe, Uganda, to meet a father she never knew, a man she only refers to as George and they will sit and wait for him at the balcony of a cafe overlooking a massive Bell Beer billboard and he will pretend not to notice her hands shake slightly. George will not show up and she will act like she doesn’t care either way, she will smile bravely and say “It’s fine really, I didn’t know him growing up and I didn’t expect him to come meet me. He’s dead to me.” Back in the hotel he will press his ear against the bathroom door and hear her sob bitterly over the sound of running shower.  

On her 40th birthday, they will wake up in the signature suite of the Atlantis, The Palm, in Dubai. Her breath will be long, lecherous fumes made from the overnight pickling of two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon. A small village of pygmies will be playing drums in her head. Lying on her tummy, face buried in a pillow, she will groan, “I’m soooo old…and fat.”

“Perfect, now no man will ever want you. I win.”

Her shoulders will shimmer with laughter with her middle finger raised at him. She will pad barefoot to the bathroom wearing nothing but a white vest. He will hear her pee loudly into the toilet bowl and he will smile hard and think to himself, ‘Aki Kiambu mamas can’t pee silently.’

“Looking back at your 40 years,” he will say over the flushing loo, “what is the craziest thing you ever did?”

She will walk out of the loo and stand at the massive glass window of the suite and peek 40 floors down at the breathtaking lagoon below. Her: “There was this one time we were all drinking at your brother’s house and he slipped his hand in my bra….” and he will start laughing. “Impossible! My brother is not a boob guy, we don’t have boob guys in the family.”

Back in bed she will say, “I feel like eating lots and lots of bacon and pancakes. Does that make me an irresponsible 39 year old?”

He will laugh and say, “No, just a hungover 40 year old.”

She will purse her lips and whimper, “Why can’t I just be 39 years old? I want to be 39 years old. I don’t want to be 40 and start behaving like my mom.”

“I think your mom is very cool and stylish and I love her car.”

Sarcastically, “One thing I did right is to marry a very deep man…”

“Not to forget devastatingly debonair with great Pokot genes. Happy birthday by the way, and I honestly think you look fabulous, babe. I can’t remember you looking better in your life.”

“Aww, thanks, baby.” Peck on his Pokot kisser. “But I think you are only saying that because you are completely crazy about me and my beautiful personality and you know you will wither and die of boredom without me.”

He will laugh loudly.

“So would you tell me if I was fat?”

“No. But I would tag you in all the food-related Instagram accounts that specialize in salads.”

Her laughing. “You are a coward.”

Then he will say, “No seriously, what is the craziest thing you did looking back 40-years?”

She will stare at the ceiling in thought and a quick fleeting image of the little “incident” during the doctor’s workshop in Lagos will flash through her mind and she will shudder slightly at how he would react if she confessed to that now: Well, naturally, the trip would end immediately. He would probably throw her makeup bag out the 40th floor window in blind Pokot rage, her eye pencil floating in the Dubai heat like a scene in the Matrix. He would scream at her for hours and pace around the room like a caged beast. Then they would have the most silent and uncomfortable four-hour flight back home on the next available one out.

For months he would look at her like she was chewing gum that had been stuck to the bottom of his favourite shoe. During this time he would go on a bender and shag a few girls to feel even, to excavate his manhood, but every time he would bring a different nipple to his mouth he would be starkly aware of the echoing emptiness in him. They would eventually start seeing her church elder who he would quickly dismiss as an “out-of-touch religious purist” and stop going after the second session. So they would end up seeing a counsellor called Cornelius every Tuesday and he would say very mean and angry things during those sessions.

So yeah, she will remain mum about Lagos like any smart woman would. Instead she will say, “There was this one time I asked Bikozulu to write about me and my dateless-ness. So he did a blog post and I went on six dates with these guys, I remember one was a Suba guy who was convinced he was Luo. It was sad. I was young and adventurous and I…why are you looking at me like that?”

He will suddenly be sitting up on his elbow saying, “THAT doctor chic was YOU?”

She will say, “Uhm, yes, you read that story?”

“Yes, and I wrote to you!”

“Bullshit!”

“I did!”

“No way!”

“Can you remember the password? We can check now.”

“Come on, I can’t even remember our room number let alone a 13 year old password. But seriously I didn’t see your email, I would have remembered your name, it sounds like a pesticide.”

He would chuckle.

“No seriously, I wrote to you after he wrote about the dates.”

“You lie!! I stopped checking that email soon after… holy shit! Isn’t that freaky?”

“I know!”

“Oh f**k!”

“Stop cussing…”

“You always say it’s sexy…”

“Uhm, yeah, when you are drunk and naked…”

She will pull the vest overhead and hurl it across the room. “There, I’m now drunk and naked. Is it f***n’ sexy now?”

He will laugh from his belly.

         ***

Last week I thought to myself: What if daktari’s future husband is in those emails? The ones she won’t read. What if they are like silent ships that pass in the night? Isn’t that beautiful?

Ps. If you aren’t getting notifications please let me know asap. We were having problems last week but some genius millennial here in the office has fixed it.

328 Responses
  • Jeremy
    06.09.2016

    nice one as always. You rarely dissapoint

  • Elvis
    06.09.2016

    top 5 let me read now

  • Joy
    06.09.2016

    Hi yes I haven’t been getting notifications on new posts

    • Chir
      06.09.2016

      I am also sad.

    • Wahsh
      06.09.2016

      The notifications are back, my end.

  • wanja
    06.09.2016

    Aiyayayayaya!!! warm and fuzzy feelings

    • Super Nyako
      06.09.2016

      I know!I smiled through it.Cute!But being 35, successful and single is one of my biggest fears.Who wants to vacay alone !??:-(

  • Linda Christine
    06.09.2016

    Top 5 is also a motivation hmmmm

  • Lady A
    06.09.2016

    Good read Biko…

  • The Duchess
    06.09.2016

    “In my last life I was a big-boned woman. Only fair I feed her memory.”
    Made my morning!

    1
    • Mushie
      06.09.2016

      That is a funny one..haha

    • Njoki
      07.09.2016

      Made mine too! This will be my new line…too funny!

  • Maiki
    06.09.2016

    I have always received the notification on Wednesdays (or a day after you post). Never on Tuesdays or when you post.

    • Maiki
      06.09.2016

      I have checked. The notification emails actually check in between 11.45pm and 2.15am. That is why I always receive them in the morning, one day after posting.

      • A
        07.09.2016

        Used to happen to me too, Unsubscribe and subscribe again.

        • Maiki
          13.09.2016

          It works! Thanks.

  • NANCY MUTEKWA
    06.09.2016

    https://zuruafrika.wordpress.com
    great piece!ships in the night

  • Nthenya
    06.09.2016

    Awesome Read. I can relate…

  • Maureen
    06.09.2016

    Wonderful,wonderful piece….I laughed so hard,made my cold Tuesday as always.

  • Frank
    06.09.2016

    No 3
    Awesome one chocolate man

  • Dee
    06.09.2016

    Hahaha! I wish life was scripted like that . I loved it and the mental scenes were so vivid . Good luck daktari. When you find more than one, sambaza . Who wants to be thirty and sorry

  • jane
    06.09.2016

    I got a notification, thanks Biko. The future is so beautifully promising for Daktari, I wouldn’t mind that life

  • Ian
    06.09.2016

    hahahhaha…. nice piece.

  • lilian
    06.09.2016

    It’s good to marry your friend…I like their bantering. Awesome as usual

  • Wesh - Peter Wesh
    06.09.2016

    I re-watched lion king the other day and I was so awash with details that I had to google lyrics to the song at the end – Elton John’s ‘Can you feel the love tonight’. And I think I finally hacked the whole love thing with this line “there is a time for everyone, if they’d only learn, that the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn”. Love find people and not the other way around. Love will find Daktari if and when she stops looking.

    1
    • Rael
      06.09.2016

      Totally agree with you on that… as humans, we make so many plans, but until the time is ready, they are just plans.

    • anonymous
      06.09.2016

      Wise man!

    • Yvonne
      07.09.2016

      Mmh! Deep!

  • shiku
    06.09.2016

    Ati kiambu girls cant pee quietly. Humorous beef. That one has made my day, now to journey all those hotels mentioned hahaha

  • Nyar Ndwara
    06.09.2016

    Wow!!! Biko, you should write a fictional novel

  • Evans ogeto
    06.09.2016

    Yes, the notifications seem to be coming along.
    http://www.ogetoevans.com

  • seshiwani
    06.09.2016

    I love it! Our lives seem so cliche!

  • Caroline Karanja
    06.09.2016

    This kind of posts get me every time. The writing style is legen… Wait for it…Marry.
    Honestly that’s the best I could do.

    • Machaa
      06.09.2016

      Hahaha effects of watching how I met your mother so much…

      • Jane Maina
        07.09.2016

        hahhahahah i see you

  • Mwaura Mswati
    06.09.2016

    This long a** post sounds like a prophecy of sorts writing by mganga Biko. Hilarious to the core. Btw, it’s true Kiambu ladies pee loudly. He he

  • Edwine
    06.09.2016

    Well, the series continues… I would like to meet Daktari in the Afterlife.

  • Njambi
    06.09.2016

    Biko,you held my hand and your blog suggested we were going somewhere-then we went everywhere,then you stopped ,let go of my hand.This blog is the one that should never have had a fullstop.

    • echesa
      06.09.2016

      beautiful comment

      • Waithera Kamimi
        06.09.2016

        What she said.

    • Nana
      06.09.2016

      Nice

  • Kenyan Lawyer
    06.09.2016

    seldom, do you disappoint.

  • Oscar
    06.09.2016

    Profet of doom. You forgot about that part where she will join Kilimani mums.

    • @clif_the_tall
      06.09.2016

      Pro what? Mayooooooo!!!!

      • Kyengo "CK
        06.09.2016

        Profet..with a capital “p”.

      • Silas
        06.09.2016

        …fet! Kwakwakwakwa

      • Edgar
        06.09.2016

        hehehe easy baba

    • Sharon
      19.09.2016

      hilarious, ati Kilimani who??

  • Cate
    06.09.2016

    Awww I badly want to be in love.Sad thing it can’t just happen.Biko you’re artistic.I would have remembered your name…Not sounds like pesticide.Like seriously?haha

    • NumbiEdwin
      07.09.2016

      Niiiice dont you worry Cate…it will happen

    • Pharik
      07.09.2016

      lol

  • Nancy
    06.09.2016

    I was one of your ghost readers until you said kiambu chicks never pee silently…seriously Biko lets go back to bashing lughyas you do not want to offend the kiambu ladies here hahaha.
    great read as always!!!

    • kush m
      06.09.2016

      I just had a feeling a Kiambu lady to comment…lol.

      • Joy Makena
        08.09.2016

        Hahahahaha

  • Peter
    06.09.2016

    Biko Biko. Hahaha. Loove story indeed. I will email daktari too. When I grow up.

  • Irene Wanderi
    06.09.2016

    Top five WHOA!!!!! Good piece.

    • Irene Wanderi
      06.09.2016

      I was so sure!! Rolls eyes.

      • Christine
        06.09.2016

        hehehehe

  • Debbz
    06.09.2016

    You’re the best. Didn’t get the last two weeks notifications but I reactivated yesterday and received today’s ….

  • Steve
    06.09.2016

    I need love like this,Yes I need love like what biko has dreamt about in this post,write me an email

  • Carol
    06.09.2016

    Biko, today you have out done yourself.Will def re-read it.And some descriptions there fit my life to a tee.Currently thinking of my Nxt major holiday lol

  • Antony
    06.09.2016

    Wow. Good read as always. I hope daktari finds the one. Love is hard to come by

  • Karen
    06.09.2016

    Amazing I was transported to daktari’s world

  • Willow
    06.09.2016

    I do not need the notifications. My brain notifies me very Tuesday morning…

    • Lena
      07.09.2016

      True!!!!

  • Natasha Muhindi
    06.09.2016

    “So would you tell me if I was fat?”
    “No. But I would tag you in all the food-related Instagram accounts that specialize in salads.”

    hahahah..this will have me smiling the whole week.

  • Aluoch
    06.09.2016

    I am not getting emails Biko, nice read. I want to be that future daktari.

  • Eunice
    06.09.2016

    Great read Biko!Thanks…

  • What hath happened? She will meet someone in due time, no need for negative prophesying.
    Nothing wrong with taking holidays alone..loads of women hopscotch around the world on their own and have a blast except for the times they hand over their camera to someone else to capture those magical moments and they fiddle and snap a blurry pic.
    The world is huge..if her man is not in those emails, he just may be in another part of the world..God has His ways of bringing random strangers together.

    • Ogola
      07.09.2016

      U must be a real blast at partys

  • Bonnke
    06.09.2016

    This is really good..so emotional, i feel like am in their world, Biko

  • @clif_the_tall
    06.09.2016

    The first seven paragraphs are ugly literally, Pretty sad, pretty lonely. The doctor should find love asap. Happy ending at least. * Sigh*

    ‘Aki Kiambu mamas can’t pee silently.’ CHWAAAAAAAAAA. Hahaha.

  • James
    06.09.2016

    Atleast the fat will be filled up in the right places.

  • Kimutai Koech
    06.09.2016

    Not sure why, but this gives me a tinge of sadness, good read though.

  • Wanjiku
    06.09.2016

    Brilliant! If that’s not a fairy tale I don’t know what is…

  • Njagi S.
    06.09.2016

    The trail of your thoughts & imagination is amazing. It was a fabulous read.
    The notifications are ok.

  • Wanjiku
    06.09.2016

    Oh and did I mention literary genius ? Good stuff Biko!

  • Natasha
    06.09.2016

    Hello Biko, I always receive the notification on Tuesdays, actually I wait for one!

  • rufus
    06.09.2016

    hehehe ati top five.

  • Kato
    06.09.2016

    I loved this piece Biko.
    It was entertaining and beautiful
    I liked the flow…I didn’t want it to end.
    For a minute there I thought there was no happy ending.
    The way you play mind games man…write a book

  • Keem
    06.09.2016

    Great read Biko.. I will definitely read this again just for the visualization.
    Genial!

  • Jules
    06.09.2016

    This is a lovely piece…little fantasies,finding love and please leave Kiambu chqs alone

  • sharl
    06.09.2016

    I want to know what happened in Lagos..hehe

    • not_from-kiambu
      06.09.2016

      Riiiight?????

  • carolyn
    06.09.2016

    ‘Aki Kiambu mamas can’t pee silently.’ hahaha

  • Milka
    06.09.2016

    This has been one of my fave reads so far. I like the imagery. It’s enticingly vivid.

  • felista
    06.09.2016

    Hi Biko, hehe am not a doctor but I can relate to the single lady you are
    describing. Its true the part where we think of how blessed we are.
    A family that loves us ,great friends. I think of all the great connections
    I have made with both men and women and think, if I was married I would
    not be able to keep certain people as my friends. So I tell myself let me
    enjoy being single.

    • Jay
      06.09.2016

      Being unattached definitely has its benefits…benefits some of us would not want to lose should we partner up. This was an interesting social experiment. What gives me pause is this belief a majority of us seem to have, that we have to find that someone…get married. Maybe even have kids. That it will give us purpose…make life better. Does it, though?

      • Jcee
        06.09.2016

        The kids give you purpose…..they do they really do!!

    • Carol
      07.09.2016

      You and I think alike.As for me I just want one more year to adventure.Even telling myself kids are awesome but I need to see the world in one more year beafore planning for one.:)

  • Muthoni
    06.09.2016

    This piece got me at Kiambu women can’t pee silently…. really
    http://www.treatsonabudget.co.ke/

  • Grace
    06.09.2016

    Aki Kiambu mamas can’t pee silently.Ngai fafa

  • June
    06.09.2016

    Totally beautiful story. Thanks

  • virgy
    06.09.2016

    I agree. I wish we had a mirror to see our future and stop wasting precious time with dudes not taking us any places.

  • Charity Murigi
    06.09.2016

    This conversation right here is the definition of trust “Her: “There was this one time we were all drinking at your brother’s house and he slipped his hand in my bra….” and he will start laughing. “Impossible! My brother is not a boob guy, we don’t have boob guys in the family.”
    Sigh…. Their conversations are dope!

  • Nelson
    06.09.2016

    “I would have remembered your name, it sounds like a pesticide.”…you killed it. Lovely read. Thank you

  • Merci Jowi
    06.09.2016

    Wow! You out did yourself on this Biko. Great read and lots of laughter.And you mentioned Pinklakeman….I need to go back.

  • Stephen
    06.09.2016

    Not getting notifications too….brilliant as always.

    • mtk
      07.09.2016

      I am getting them…its my yahoo.com email address! btw i have kept it running for 13 years and check it every tuesday faithfully.

  • Peris
    06.09.2016

    If I were Daktari I would read and re-read this post until it becomes real. It felt like I was watching a very nice movie. Great read Biko, you got talent.

  • tweety
    06.09.2016

    it was a good read as always, i wish you would write a book.

  • Kami
    06.09.2016

    Amazing read…hmm

    • Joe
      07.09.2016

      agreed….the classic alpha female , only if Biko would compile all his millennial writings into a book

  • peninah kuria
    06.09.2016

    hahaha…Awesome

  • echesa
    06.09.2016

    u watching a lot of movies chocolate man

  • Maureen Muthoni
    06.09.2016

    Biko let this be the last time I say this. Write a goddamn book! **Rolls Eyes** And when coming for my copy I will bring you an Anti-Procrastination Deodorant, and a watch that actually works ( I’ve always suspected yours doesn’t). Fair enough?

    • Kyengo "CK
      06.09.2016

      lol

    • Ireneann
      06.09.2016

      right on point maureen…”double rolls eyes”

    • Vero
      07.09.2016

      Hahaha what she said

    • Lena
      07.09.2016

      Hahahah

  • Dove
    06.09.2016

    A nice fresh perspective….

    I got the notification.

  • Linda Christine
    06.09.2016

    This one, I will read again and maybe again and again

  • Maureen Muthoni
    06.09.2016

    …..

  • Ali
    06.09.2016

    I got this one do I guess the millennial fixed the problem

  • Jean makasi
    06.09.2016

    Lovely….funny….

  • Cera
    06.09.2016

    This was just super dope. No ghost reading any more Biko

  • Brenda
    06.09.2016

    his pokot kisser, hehehe. Had me grinning through my investment banking training, trainer must have thought hes on point by the smile on my face. Loved it, such is love, it happens to you, normally when you stop looking.

  • Kev Mwango
    06.09.2016

    Clearly we know not our fate.Nice piece as always chocolate man

  • Emily
    06.09.2016

    I am in love

  • black parrot
    06.09.2016

    Biko stop hurting my ribs.. or else I’ll sue this blog…. ‘overnight pickling of two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon’

  • Njooro
    06.09.2016

    Dude, awesome read. I was transported everywhere with her. Through her ups and downs. Great price my guy.

  • Moses Tinega
    06.09.2016

    Haha, Ati Kiambu girls pee loudly..i will be keen next time round when i get to shag one.

  • Erick
    06.09.2016

    The number of plugs in this article yawa!! Loved it though!!

  • ngina
    06.09.2016

    Gosh. the first bit was sad. sad . sad.

  • Richard Waciira
    06.09.2016

    Nice one… with this kind of imagination Biko, you are a danger to yourself!

  • Joy
    06.09.2016

    Oh wow!! Definitely one of my new favs…
    If Daktari is not keen on those emails, please
    let her know she’s free to share that password.

  • Mushie
    06.09.2016

    But seriously I didn’t see your email, I would have remembered your name, it sounds like a pesticide.”
    This one made my morning..

  • Edna Tukiko
    06.09.2016

    I read it till the end..every word and i have a very short attention span and a bad habit of skimming.. Love it! Reminds me of my own convos with my best friend

  • Kay
    06.09.2016

    Beautiful read. Totally top 5.
    Ati they cant pee silent…hahaha…wewe utachapwa.

  • Tonton Tosh
    06.09.2016

    Is there a problem with the comments part too??can’t see any yet.
    The unread emails part is spot on… Now to write or not to write that email that might end up unread….

  • Kate
    06.09.2016

    Nice piece

  • Kay
    06.09.2016

    *silently

  • Mel
    06.09.2016

    Her mother will glance at the heavens and breathe a sigh of relief.

  • Gathoni
    06.09.2016

    “your name sounds like a pesticide,” I cant get over this one. I love the way you write.

  • kamau kiboro
    06.09.2016

    Biko you got me good there.You imagination nice.

  • Lolo
    06.09.2016

    Biko, prophet of doom, I hope you find love in one of those e-mails Daktari and soon so you can prove him wrong.

  • Mbugua
    06.09.2016

    What happened in Lagos? Please don’t say, it remains in Lagos.I suspect that is where their only child was conceived???

  • Lily
    06.09.2016

    Nice piece Biko

  • Shawn Davis Kawalya
    06.09.2016

    Good one! The knight in not so much shinning armor, might be in those unread emails. One would say,’such are things of God.’ I will say, “it’s fckn life.’

  • mimi
    06.09.2016

    Beautiful!! The imagery on point. It’s like I was watching a scene of some rated movie

  • jetoloXD
    06.09.2016

    haha. it’s a long way back from dating days at Forty I suppose daktari wont even mind if one or the other breaks wind in the house. it will just sound something like
    ” hun, was that you or junior? never mind, you Pokots with your meat! I know it’s that toxic mutura from mochamas, I’ve told you beer and mutura are toxic for your gut”

    “the air is toxic for my gut too, do you want me to die! “

  • Well written. Biko might be a prophet, if this ends up happening.

  • Hadi
    06.09.2016

    Good read

  • Kadonye
    06.09.2016

    Daktari, I wish you well. Biko, lovely writing as always. But no more stories on this subject, priss

  • Stella
    06.09.2016

    Hilarious! Your sense of humour is out of this world! I dare not miss one of your stories! Day made.

  • Abdullah omar
    06.09.2016

    A chewing gum stuck!amazing read!

  • Ndegwa
    06.09.2016

    Quite an imagination

  • John Karuga
    06.09.2016

    This is just a superb and funny article. I have not laughed like that for a long time

  • Mike
    06.09.2016

    Thought I was the only barney fun worldwide… 🙂 up top!

  • Githogori
    06.09.2016

    Waah such a long post
    I had to ‘eat five’ along the read
    But it was worth it

  • MI6
    06.09.2016

    heheheh..moto kama pasi

  • NELSON
    06.09.2016

    i want to know what happened in Lagos!

  • magda
    06.09.2016

    am 25 and single and the only quality I want in a man is one who reads Biko…. great read as always

    • Jeremy
      06.09.2016

      haha you must be crazy

    • Nancy
      06.09.2016

      I second you

  • Northerner
    06.09.2016

    nice read as always

  • Wagatua
    06.09.2016

    Her future hubby is not in those mails.

  • Yvonne
    06.09.2016

    WOW.. This is mind blowing

  • Nava
    06.09.2016

    I was wondering why Chocolate man has decided to punish me with a sabbatical.
    Great read…He had to be Pokot?

  • priscilla
    06.09.2016

    Good read … Story of my life !!!

  • Debby
    06.09.2016

    Nice piece Biko. Always looking forward to reading your work.

  • Maggs
    06.09.2016

    Nice read Biko. I think I should get a husband before I’m done with med school. The struggle is real

  • fridah
    06.09.2016

    Wao nice read.yes I didn’t receive any mail last. Thank you this week I smiled again. Chocolate man you ROCK

  • Wa kitheka
    06.09.2016

    Shit! Sweet or sweet?

  • fridah
    06.09.2016

    Yes sure right, Biko I know that man who does great waxing. Hahaha

  • FOnwong'a
    06.09.2016

    The search for the one seems to be a roller-coaster at the moment. Maybe he’ll be the one who hacks her mail! Nice read.

    • FOnwong'a
      06.09.2016

      And just a curious thought to all men, why is it that even if your girl or wife did things way before you even met her, it will still enrage you so bad?

      • Eric
        08.09.2016

        It is just how we are wired. we cannot explain it ,all I can say is that it affects even the toughest of us.

  • Pauline
    06.09.2016

    Awesome read!!One of my favorite so far…

  • C.O
    06.09.2016

    Damn Njambi. Thats F**ckn awesome

  • Judy
    06.09.2016

    Nice read. I really enjoyed the journey!

  • Wangari
    06.09.2016

    The last notification I received was for the procrastination story. When I didn’t receive anything following week I thought you were setting us up for disappointment. I got a notification today, hallelujah, kuna nuru gizani. I read the post up to the end “unlike watu wengine” eti No.1. Lo and behold what do I find there under previous post and it’s not titled the sickness.
    So Biko this is me apologizing for all the bad things I wished upon you.
    Now I have not one but 2 posts to read. It’s like finding 1k ukifua jeans in that small pocket.

  • Doreen Swag
    06.09.2016

    l knew their had to be a sequel to the Daktari story….best thing l have read all week

  • Ndanu
    06.09.2016

    , ‘Aki Kiambu mamas can’t pee silently.’

  • Wangari
    06.09.2016

    So what happened in Lagos? For a moment I thought this babe was Nduta (“how nduta got her groove Back”. Until i remembered that Nduta was previously married.

  • Wanja
    06.09.2016

    Biko you never dissapoint and yes I am not getting notifications

  • Foxymoron
    06.09.2016

    Read the part that says,”her sister will bite her lips” and it took me unflatteringly long for it to register in proper context. Its what happens when you start visiting that Literotica website frequently.
    Nice read piece.
    Biggest Tanzanian fan.

    • Angel A
      07.09.2016

      Vphl

  • lilian
    06.09.2016

    waaaaaaahhhhhhhh amazing the content i would read a whole back written by you.

  • Anne
    06.09.2016

    haki that screenshot from yahoo looks like my inbox!!! hundreds of
    mails that I don’t bother to read….that God for the button..”mark all as read”

  • Jacky
    06.09.2016

    You write beautifully. I’m one of those who didn’t get notifications for two weeks and was wondering whether I mistakenly unsubscribed. Great article today.

  • Nita
    06.09.2016

    Fiction at its best…but you left me hanging in Lagos, wat happened?

  • Min Krasi
    06.09.2016

    That statement on weight loss journeys…eti feeding memories…eish…i like! nice read!!

  • Patricia
    06.09.2016

    This one…I like. Brilliantly written Biko. So vivid and engaging.

  • Mike
    06.09.2016

    Biko, leo umeshinda. Seriously. Am going to forward this to all my contacts even those on SPAM box!

  • Medlyne Alice Kutwa
    06.09.2016

    Enjoyable to the core! Took in every word, couldn’t wait to get to the end of it.

    Oh yeah, now the notifications are back, I was wondering there for a minute.

    • Patricia
      06.09.2016

      You are also here?

  • wambui Kiruthi
    06.09.2016

    I don’t know why but this reminded me of Ifemelu and Obinze’s love-Americanah
    Great read as always

    • Maureen W
      09.09.2016

      It reminded me of Americanah too.

    • Maureen W
      09.09.2016

      Biko very good read. Yes, you should write a book. I do not get the notifications.

  • Thoughts
    06.09.2016

    I loved it.
    So many of us are dactaris.

  • Neraisa
    06.09.2016

    A beautiful piece Biko…I like

  • jacob aliet
    06.09.2016

    Nicely done. I loved Atlantis. Especially the name.
    I ask myself: will there ever come a time when I can afford to go there with my wife?
    Time will tell.

  • Patricia
    06.09.2016

    The story is really nice and engaging. I really wish we had like buttons for comments. Your fans are hilarious.

  • Amdany Kiprotich
    06.09.2016

    If only Todosia can be found, actually. Surreal

  • Lindah
    06.09.2016

    Great read.
    I am however not getting notifications.

  • Cheryott
    06.09.2016

    what piece, you nailed it at “He will hear her pee loudly into the toilet bowl and he will smile hard and think to himself, ‘Aki Kiambu mamas can’t pee silently.’” i couldnt help but laugh.

  • Githinji
    06.09.2016

    Todosia, rids all dudus!!!

    • Muthoni
      06.09.2016

      Hahaha.I see what you sis there

      • Muthoni
        06.09.2016

        did

  • lrange
    06.09.2016

    I need to know what happened in Nigeria. As in Biko you couldn’t even have given us a side note away from daktari’s hubby?

    I am now getting notifications, thanks.

  • Sophia
    06.09.2016

    I’m yet to meet a woman who pees quietly in a toilet bowl… Kiambu or not!

    • General Zod
      14.09.2016

      Perv!

  • Mungai
    06.09.2016

    Great read. Indeed “sobriety is
    not a great chaser of brevity”

  • jeseekm
    06.09.2016

    Nice read.

  • Wangechi
    06.09.2016

    And you say you don’t get women. You lie.

  • Jen
    06.09.2016

    Ati when is your novel… The Novel you are going to write going to come out?
    ION, I was one of those not receiving notifications but today I did. So no biggie I guess

  • Gitahi
    06.09.2016

    Haven’t been getting notifications

  • Cheeseman
    06.09.2016

    I just cant stop laughing…”Kiambu chics pee loudly”….

  • maurice
    06.09.2016

    Awesome read. Biko. Bravo, bravo

  • Shix
    06.09.2016

    I have never commented on your posts, although they are all amazing. This one has blown me away… could read this five times over and it will still be just as beautiful. Transcendent!

  • joe
    06.09.2016

    In these times when we use emojis to communicate, it’s always a pleasure to read your blog.

  • Wachuka Wambugu
    06.09.2016

    I am so in love with this column waiting to see more.

  • zainabeth
    06.09.2016

    The best reads of all time. I’m in love with every word.

  • Carol
    06.09.2016

    Captivating read. You never disappoint chocolate man!

  • Ndegwa
    06.09.2016

    The doctor should stop looking and start seeing

  • Fred
    06.09.2016

    Nice one Niko as always. I am not getting notifications!

  • Mor
    06.09.2016

    I love it!
    Beautiful piece.

  • Sammy Mwangi
    06.09.2016

    Good read.

  • Lizzie
    06.09.2016

    Niko kwani how do men pee? 2. Forget what who happened in Lagos?

  • Lizzie
    06.09.2016

    Biko kwani how do men pee? 2. Forget what who happened in Lagos?

  • Diana Mwagi
    06.09.2016

    I would love to know when daktari finds this husband Biko

  • Martin Oloo
    06.09.2016

    Awesome read Biko,kept creating images on my head the way through

  • Rhenadhis
    06.09.2016

    I could see every word in my mind, the imagery was vivid, this is such an Ah-mazing piece

  • Lazlo
    06.09.2016

    So what happened in Lagos?

  • David
    06.09.2016

    Your detailed description of events makes me wonder if it actually happened. It sounds so true to be false

  • Nduta
    06.09.2016

    How you marry reality and something out of this world puzzles me.. Keep up! Also, I’d love to know if akina Todosia really exist..

  • Linda Ingati
    06.09.2016

    Nice read.Thumps up Biko and notifications are back.

  • Dennis Oduor
    06.09.2016

    I didn’t get the email for the previous post, I hope you’ve fixed the problem.Two, I hope the good doctor still reads s,

  • Tim
    06.09.2016

    Enough about this daktari….something fresh new next week please. And get an adblock for your browser!

    • Eve Kay
      07.09.2016

      Tim, do you hate female doctors? The stories are great.

  • Joy Ruguru
    06.09.2016

    The stories you can create in your head, it’s genius!
    But that balcony that overlooks another balcony, haha

  • Nerea
    06.09.2016

    The moment I saw the yahoo comment I knew this is the read. Impressive man!

  • Debonair Pokot
    06.09.2016

    No Pokot is a “boob guy”.

  • Sue Mumbi
    06.09.2016

    Wow! Great, really awesome piece. Couldn’t stop… Semi-speechless!! WOW!!

  • Nelson
    07.09.2016

    Lovely reead as always hope le dagitari findes sambarry soon
    My greatest worry in a relationship is learning to share avocado

    • A
      07.09.2016

      Hahahahaha!

  • jay
    07.09.2016

    this is silently talking to someone.
    Daktari, do you see how the future is promising? hahaha

  • Ken Barkho
    07.09.2016

    Masterpiece!

  • Yvonne
    07.09.2016

    Beautiful piece!

  • Winnie Kariuki
    07.09.2016

    YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!

  • Eve Kay
    07.09.2016

    Biko, fabulous. Just fabulous.

  • Sophie***
    07.09.2016

    That comment about kiambu ladies got me like…hmmm.really? Maybe maybe not…seems I have some self examination to do today… Just when I thought I didn’t have anything new to find out…will share the exam results here….

    • Njooro
      08.09.2016

      By now results would be out. Amazing it’s a Tharakanithi vybe?? Hmmm

  • @medixafrica
    07.09.2016

    Ten in ten that’s what I call this!

  • A
    07.09.2016

    The email notifications are back.

  • Wangechi Chris
    07.09.2016

    Another ghost reader has taken word-form. A great read! Vivid descriptions and I loved Todosia.

    Receiving email notifications now.

  • Irene Wambui Odhiambo
    07.09.2016

    Genius writing!!! Teach me your ways Oh Biko!! 🙂

  • Jacquelyn
    07.09.2016

    Totally Captivating read!!

  • Denno
    07.09.2016

    The most vivid piece ever. I could see the red VW Passat, a balcony overlooking another, the trip to Dubai et al.
    Nice piece as usual Biko. Can’t wait for the next one.

  • josephine
    07.09.2016

    Biko.. you always crack me up with your writing which I always look forward to. great read as always

  • Riri
    07.09.2016

    All ambitious dream-chasing women will agree…. How we fear loneliness; holidays alone, dinners out with family who have been hitched for a life time …. Daktari will get overcome, lol!

  • wambui
    07.09.2016

    His name sounds like a pesticide..lol.Nice one Biko, all the best to dakitari.

  • Nick
    07.09.2016

    Chocolate man this can be a good script for a comedy drama movie. One of those movies you watch on an idle Sunday afternoon starring Jason Segel or Adam Sandler or even Ed Helms as Todosia and Jennifer Anniston or Essence Atkins or Tracie Ellis as daktari, would be very Hilarious. Very captivating and nice read as always.

  • Miriam
    07.09.2016

    captivating!

  • Miriam
    07.09.2016

    captivating! Lovely piece

  • ebei
    07.09.2016

    awesome

  • HILLARY MORO
    07.09.2016

    Excellent read.

  • Daisy Dyshaun
    07.09.2016

    Awesome Laugh medicine… your imagination is so wanting

  • NOUREEN
    07.09.2016

    Oh lala… I like how your imagination works

  • Rosey
    07.09.2016

    Wonderful piece!

  • wanjiru
    07.09.2016

    This piece emotionally overwhelmed me. I was so overcome I shed a tear… Maybe its because I’m 33 and I haven’t met him yet and my nights are spent reading quietly in the silence of my home. To some extent I enjoy it but once in a while I remember that I am alone and the clock (not biological) is still turning.

  • Awino
    07.09.2016

    Great piece! I did not receive a notification.

  • Robi
    07.09.2016

    I’m not in the medical field, but reading the piece, I felt like thats how my life will be.I love how you describe everything like this part (…silent ships that pass in the night..)
    always a fan.

  • Nzilani
    07.09.2016

    Awesomeness re-defined!

  • Brian
    07.09.2016

    I always look forward to Wednesday Mornings when I can Read your articles, good piece indeed.

  • wayward foe
    07.09.2016

    Coming to the end i thought this was an email some guy had written her. that would have been a great one

  • Hawii
    07.09.2016

    “But I think you are only saying that because you are completely crazy about me and my beautiful personality and you know you will wither and die of boredom without me” said confidence!

  • Purity Wanjiru
    07.09.2016

    Ati kiambu mama’s can’t pee silently… Am still laughing. Great

  • Blukenyan
    07.09.2016

    What a wordsmith!

  • June Mwangi
    07.09.2016

    I’m not getting my notification. And yes I use Yahoo. Deal with it…lol!

  • Wambo
    07.09.2016

    Every girl has a Lagos kind of story. Could be naivasha..nakuru..Diana..even a bogus work related trip to cold Mt. Kenya region

  • Wendy
    07.09.2016

    Wonderful piece. And the humour. Wow.

  • Maryanne
    07.09.2016

    Thank you @bikozulu ,my crazy evening has been made better.

  • Claire
    07.09.2016

    This blog and your other posts have with time become my happy place. The many stupid smiles I have had on my face while reading! Your way with words is amazing – I literally play the conversations in my head. I hardly ever comment, but I will pause today and say THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR TALENT with souls like me!!!

  • Unknown
    07.09.2016

    I wonder what Miss Daktari would have say if she was to read all
    the comments above.
    She would be doing us pollyannas a huge favor by at least sharing
    a few thoughts of her own.
    We are all waiting, pregnant with anticipation.

  • NicoBellic
    08.09.2016

    Its been long since Biko replied to comments. Nyc read got me reminiscing and fantasizing.

  • Elenita
    08.09.2016


    “So would you tell me if I was fat?”

    No. But I would tag you in all the food-related Instagram
    accounts that specialize in salads.”
    this was crazy…l actually love this piece..l really enjoyed reading it.Genius

  • Ruth
    08.09.2016

    How old is Daktari, 35 or 40?? i’m loving this series though….

    • Ruth
      08.09.2016

      awww…got my answer

  • Tinny.
    08.09.2016

    You can really write man,i never miss your articles,what happened in lagos fr the docter trip?,i wanna know,haha, but for sure i”d keep mum too if i were her

  • Lowry Owuor
    08.09.2016

    Oh my…You are a beautiful writer indeed!!!

  • carolyne
    08.09.2016

    my ribs hurt….Kiambu women…the fat brats…the shawarma dinner..
    All the best to Daktari

  • Nyambura
    08.09.2016

    Beautiful.Chocolate man you always get me with your writing.I love it.love it.

  • Nyambura
    08.09.2016

    I feel like I need one of those anonymous emails like Daktari.

  • Jerome Onyango
    08.09.2016

    Nice read

  • Jay Shiku
    08.09.2016

    This is such a beautiful piece.

  • Ethea
    08.09.2016

    “Shawarma place at Kasuku center, waiting for the attendant to wrap her shawarma. There will be a new guy, not that menopausal chap they have now”

    Eeh Biko, come slowly!!

  • Sheeqow
    08.09.2016

    Nice read as always!!

  • Animum Fractum
    09.09.2016

    Amazing read…you never disappoint my friend…would still like to know what she did in lagos though…lol

  • Karwitha
    09.09.2016

    You should start a dating agency, it seems you know where and how to get the good breed.
    I will be the first to sign up…
    https://girlabouttownweb.wordpress.com/

  • dan
    09.09.2016

    Bikoooooooooooooooo!!!!! This was a good one.

  • Miriam
    09.09.2016

    Nice read

  • George Kuria Kaguathi
    09.09.2016

    Quite a great Read

  • Dorothy Maingi
    10.09.2016

    Eish, notification or no notification, i got the blog pinned on my computer, i check and refresh every Tuesday, always a good read, good work Biko

  • Defina
    11.09.2016

    Amazing… I loved it

  • June
    12.09.2016

    Oh My Word! What a wonderful read.
    I think this is now my favourite; and I died after reading about the Kiuk funeral.
    Thank you Biko.

  • Mo
    12.09.2016

    Biko, i might be the silent ship passing at night. Nice read

    • Mo
      15.09.2016

      No you aint lol Biko tell Daktari to call me

  • maryanne
    12.09.2016

    Why is this article talking about me? i am past the masters, cut hair dye hair, tavelling abroad. dear lord.

    • Catherine
      29.09.2016

      You and me both!

  • G
    12.09.2016

    How missed this…

  • cwangai
    13.09.2016

    Love it!!

  • Jon
    13.09.2016

    Good read as always.

  • Mervin Kilima
    15.09.2016

    Good read

  • Mo
    15.09.2016

    Interesting… Finally figured out who Daktari is lmao

  • ruth
    16.09.2016

    The ending was beautiful!

  • lorna
    18.09.2016

    Very funny and interesting read .

  • Nobert
    19.09.2016

    Epic and typical of Families, Best kept secrets will one time be unearthed, Very good readership and funny as well

  • leeken
    19.09.2016

    Creativity on another level… Great work.

  • kay
    21.09.2016

    Best ive read from you in a while. i honestly had stopped reading your blog for a while because the stories felt the same..but today i decided to read those that i had missed (am bored at the office)i loved this one the most.i love how you told it and that little humor was there.

  • Samuel Kanjabi
    21.09.2016

    Nice Piece.

  • Veon
    22.09.2016

    Hey Biko,
    I think this is the best you’ve written in a while, thank you.

    Just in case you actually do read through your comments section, there were kidogo typos. Fired the editor then?

  • Rendo
    23.09.2016

    He is creative as the devil. Why he won’t write a freaking book, and first, is what I fail to understand. So annoying! But thanks, I never come here and read a sloppy article and above all, Biko causes me to laugh a lot. God bless you!

  • Brian Rop
    23.09.2016

    I’m of the opinion that you just write a book. You’re creative as f**.

  • Candy
    23.09.2016

    Ooh wow Biko,WOW!This read right here was ogarsmic.

  • Liz
    28.09.2016

    Great read as always, am however not getting notifications, kindly assist

  • Comfort Ndungu
    28.09.2016

    Haven’t been getting notifications 🙁

  • Joseph
    28.09.2016

    Great

    • The Next Daktari
      15.10.2016

      I don’t know. But there is a just way that this series, that is, from “Looking for a date” to “A man A table A chair” and now finally to “Ships in the night”, has had me so hooked. Maybe because you really have a clear picture of what smart, focused ladies in society would want for a guy. I look forward to being that kind of doctor. With such work-life balance. A true inspiration. 🙂

  • Max
    29.09.2016

    You never disappoint Biko,except maybe when you are selling out Nyanza

  • Renee
    01.10.2016

    He would probably throw her makeup bag out the 40th floor window in blind Pokot rage, her eye pencil floating in the Dubai heat like a scene in the Matrix. He would scream at her for hours and pace around the room like a caged beast.

  • jennifer
    04.10.2016

    awesome read, I want to fall in love and meet the love of my life.

  • gracie
    04.10.2016

    best piece ever!!
    you have a way with words..

  • Patrick Ojil
    17.10.2016

    Chief , you are the best humorist ( hope that’s correct grammatically ?) after the late
    whispers, son of the soil.Your vivid descriptions remind me of one Elechi Amadi who authored the Concubine.
    I would love to share with you very fine rare whiskey one of these days.Every time i read these blogs i shed tears laughing
    and my ribs ache !
    Kudos brother, excellent job indeed !! The nobel laureate committe in Norway shold start checking you out 🙂

    Cheers !

  • Gabriella Kemmy
    09.02.2017

    I am totally awed by all your articles, literally btw…i should have known you sooner

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