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Stay Still

I saw this kid once at Big Square, Lavington Curve, speaking on the mobile phone. She was about 5/6years old, protectively clutching a Winnie the Pooh doll under her armpit. “I was not sure what to order,” she was saying,”…yes, but last time I eated chicken wings…I ate chicken wings,…yes,….yes, but will Cynthia take me to see Garvin?…Why mom?” Then she did something extraordinary, she looked at her phone and said, “ Wait, dad is calling me, wait a moment mom.” And she pressed a button on her phone and said, “Hi dad… I’m fine…at Big Square, I am talking to mom, can you call me back after five minutes?” then she pressed another button and said, “That was dad, he was aksing where I am,” then at that moment the little spacecraft thing they give you when you order food started vibrating and lighting up on the table and she looked at it and simply told the mom, “Food is ready, I will call you later,” and then hung up, pap without any ceremony! Haha. They always hung up fast when they see food. I watched her and her nanny go to the counter to pick their order and I was completely mesmerised and in awe. I sat there and thought, shit, what school does this kid go to? I particularly loved how she said, “aksing”, not “asking.” Dad is aksing where I am. Reminded me of Snoop Dog in the 90s saying “you berra aks somebady!”

I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay there a little longer with Winnie the Pooh and receive a million calls for me to eavesdrop on. She had these small pudgy fingers with nails painted silver and with some princessy things on them. Her feet dangled from the edge of the wooden seats. Pretty as a goddamn picture.

I watched them leave. The nanny carrying the food and her hopping and skipping along beside her confidently, with her Winnie the Pooh doll and her mobile phone that connects her to the world. A little girl who knows how to keep you on hold, pick another call and then put you off hold. I struggle with that stuff, yet she did it one fluid motion and with such class: “Dad, can you call me back in five minutes?” My God, I bet that kid eats Weetaflakes for breakfast and flosses her teeth twice a week!

She has always stayed on my head, that kid. I know this might sound cuckoo but I wanted to adopt her. I wanted to show up with her in the digs and the Missus would ask, bending to greet her with a smile, “and who is this?” and I would tell her, this is Winnie-The-Pooh and she would say, “OK, I know but who is this other pretty one?” and the little girl would speak up and say with confidence, “My name is Brea,” Of course she is Brea, nowadays nobody calls their kids Jane or Milka or Pamela. That’s like buying a Motorola phone. And Brea and Winnie The Pooh would sit and have milk and biscuits and she would aks Tamms if she has another sister and Tamms would say she only has a brother and she would aks, Is that him? while pointing at Kim, as if Kim were not a living object but a sculpture, and Tamms would nod and Kim would stare at her and her doll rather suspiciously and later the missus would summon me to the bedroom and ask, Who is that kid, is that your kid? and I would say, No, relax, I saw her at Big Square and I took her. And she would look at me like I’d gone mad and ask incredulously, “You took her? Like you would take a free magazine?” And I would say, “I mean, she didn’t mind, I think she is too cool, I heard her hold and unhold a call and I just had to take her…don’t you like her or her Winnie the Pooh?” and she would hold her head in her hand like it’s going to explode and then fatherly put one hand on my shoulder and say in a very slow tone, like I’m slightly younger than Brea, “You can’t take other people’s kids from restaurants because you think they can swap through calls! It’s illegal. Now I want you to take her back right now, her parents must be sick of worry!”  Then I would ask if she can at least finish her milk and she will say sure, of course then watch me leave the room with a very worried look on her face.

Does that happen to you? When you see a child and you want to adopt them even if they are with their parents? There is another kid I wanted to adopt because my life is full of kids I want to adopt. This one was a boy of about 7. He was performing at a school concert a few weeks ago at Impala Club. They were a whole bunch, dancing up on stage to Eddie Kenzo’s song Sitya Loss. Chubby boy with a gorgeous smile that never left his face and that boy could dance! He had such a robust spirit, such a vim for life and he was there dancing upfront, moving his chubby limbs, his large cheeks strained in that lovely smile and he was killing it! I wanted to adopt that one as well even though I could tell his appetite would get me bankrupt in a week. Boys eat. Kim eats anything. If it doesn’t cause convulsions he will eat it.

I told some pal of mine this story, the story about Brea, and he said it was kind of creepy. He said that he has NEVER looked at someone’s child and thought he should adopt them. Which made me wonder if I was kind of a creepy middle-aged man. Then another friend of mine mentioned that I should try meditation and yoga to- and listen to this – “calm my mind.” That I needed “clarity.” You see a kid who swapps through calls and suddenly people want you to have clarity! Yogis are always trying to get the world to seek clarity. They want you to “center” yourself. I feel centered enough, thank you very much. If I didn’t feel centered I would be jaywalking.

Anyway she sent me this Russell Simmons book called “Success Through Stillness” co-authored by Chris Morrow. It’s about how Russell, a hip-hop mogul, found his stillness but I really never read past the third paragraph and every time she would call and ask me, “Biko, have you finished the book?” I would say, “I’m taking my time with it,” until finally she asked, “You aren’t reading it, are you?” and I said I wasn’t. I said I had a clot and I have been waiting for it to disintegrate first because really, I don’t think you can “center” yourself when you have a clot in your leg. So now that the clot is no more, I just have to read it. But she also asked me to download this app called Meditation Made Simple by the same Russell Simmons and it promises to reduce stress, anxiety attacks and insomnia, and to increase happiness. How about that, an app that will increase your happiness. Regretfully , it didn’t mention anything about urges to adopt people’s kids.

So this morning I started meditation. I woke up at 5am and went to the sitting room and sat in silence, eyes closed and I played the app which is essentially Russell Simmons asking you to breathe in and out while swami-like music plays in the background. “…to recognise all the pauses between our breath in the second of stillness…” Russell says sagely. The whole point of the exercise is to empty your mind of thoughts and find peace. But my thoughts refused to leave, I couldn’t focus. I heard the clock tick loudly above, I heard the fridge hum and the water dispenser purr and outside the neighbour’s cock make a racket. (Oh boy, I can’t even find stillness in a sentence like that). It was ironic that I heard more sounds while meditating than when I wasn’t. It lasted ten minutes of me sitting there shirtless in my sleeping shorts, legs crossed like a swami, breathing in and out and trying not to to imagine the help walking out and finding me there, which wouldn’t surprise her because she is Kisii. Hehe. Which is why I think people should meditate in a forest, probably Karura. Or Ngong.

Talking of forests. There was this time I was coming from Oyunga’s brother’s funeral in Seme. Driving back I found myself alone because the person I had gone with decided to stay behind. So I was in the lead car and some chaps – Oyunga’s colleagues at Spielworks media – some fresh guy called Gabantu and some two guys were in the trailing car. We left Kisumu at 3am because I had to catch a flight to SA later in the day. The previous night I was out having drinks. Slept at midnight. Stupid. I know.

Have you ever dozed off at the steering wheel? It’s the scariest thing ever! Apparently Gabantu was also dozing on and off but he didn’t want to stop the train because, well, it was dark and all and nobody wants to be the pussy driver who stops everybody because they are sleepy right? An hour before Nakuru I was woken up with a start by the front wheel getting off the road. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my neck. I rolled down all the windows, and killed the heating system. I called Gabantu and said, Boss, I’m nodding off, can we stop somewhere and do a power nap? He said, “I was nodding off too, but where do we stop man, where is this place?” I didn’t know. It was dark. And cold. All we knew was that we were in Kikuyu land and it didn’t seem like a bright idea to just stop in that ominous darkness. We might wake up and find kina Kama helped themselves to our tyres as we slept. So after a bit we said fuck it pulled over at the side of the road in a small clearing and blacked out.

When I woke up at 6.30am there was an old man tapping on my window. He had on those grungy hats farmers those sides wear with some a heavy brown jacket with a red collar turned up. His face was weathered and curved like something from a slave-movie. He startled me.  I started the engine and rolled down my window slowly. Here is the weird thing, In my confusion, I thought it was Jesus. True story. I thought I had died at the wheel because of sleeping while driving and now Jesus was here with his grungy hat. He said something in Kikuyu and I thought, aah this is just great, now even Jesus has to be a Kuyu?

I said something in Kiswahili and he asked me if we were OK and I said we slept, we were tired. And he said, Ohh, poleni kwa safari and he trudged on, hunched over. I went over and woke the rest up and went and peed in the bush. Then I realized that I really needed to use the bathroom so I went to the little boma 50-meters away and found the old man standing near his gate reading smses on his kabambe and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He pointed at this drop-toilet and I walked in, past mud-houses, a cattle shed,  past a kitchen with musky three-stone smoke coming out of its door and when I got to the drop toilet I realized it had no tissue so I walked back and embarrassingly asked him if I could get some. He called out a name, Wanjiku or Wairimu, I can’t recall, they all sound the same, and said something in Kikuyu and Wairimu or Wanjiku, a girl not more than 13, brought back a bunch of old newspapers which was a bit insulting because really, how big did she think my ass was? When I came out, I found her waiting with a jug of warm water to wash my hands and she poured the water for me, that shit touched the shit out of me. They boiled water for me! A stranger! My goodness!

You know, as we drove back I thought to myself that the old man could have been Jesus. You know how Jesus washed the feet of his disciples? What are the odds?We fell asleep on the wheel, we stopped at some random and who knows, dangerous part of the road and napped and some old man, with a curved face  and a red collar gave me his toilet and his daughter handed me old newspapers and warm water to wash my hands. What is that guys? Isn’t that the hand of God? I don’t know what the Bible says but I think this is how Jesus shows his hand. We will wait for burning bushes or tall men with white robes or hymns and harps but that might not be Jesus. When Jesus shows up he will show up in a different form and we will miss it because we will be looking out for something that we have been conditioned to believe. Can I have an Amen, guys?

I thought about Brea and that old man and his red collar when I was trying to “center” myself in the morning. I’m sure I saw the face of Jesus that misty dawn. I don’t think I need any more centering or meditation or even to buy a yoga mat. I just need to close my eyes and think of Wairimu pouring me the warm water to wash my hands as the old man pretended not to watch. That was my center. That is stillness.

235 Responses
  • Nancy
    03.11.2015

    Nice article. First to comment.

    • Magunga
      03.11.2015

      Haahaha. Is this a thing now? Ati first to comment? Seen it a number of times. Wow. Okay.

      • SalsaS88
        03.11.2015

        Magunga IKR… Pia Mimi next Tuesday I’ll be first to comment

        • Wambui
          03.11.2015

          Lol 100th to comment…Just ridiculous

      • Tony
        03.11.2015

        Seen it also though mostly on FB. Hopefully it won’t find it’s way into this civilization of the gang.

      • Angel
        04.11.2015

        Don’t even read the article first,be the first to comment then read later.

      • Latifa
        07.11.2015

        I only read the comments that Biko replies to. In fact i have even devised this theory, wait. Do you realize there’s a whole community of Biko’s followers. The 1st, 2nd, and the whole lot of them. We could start a revolution here. Maybe this is our centre

        • anjichi
          19.11.2015

          Thought I was the only one who does that!

  • DENNIS MURIMI
    03.11.2015

    Chocolate man and kiddos…

  • Isz
    03.11.2015

    Lol….This is so good, I cant wait for the comments. There you go gang, I ll be back for the cherry toppings on this awesome piece of work.

  • Ian
    03.11.2015

    You Biko are of medicine. (Get a Kikuyu friend to translate)

    1
    • Angela
      03.11.2015

      i AGREE with you Ian. Uyu ni wa Dawa.

      • mugure njeri
        04.11.2015

        He’s of medicine for sure

      • Jany
        04.11.2015

        Interesting!!!!even Jesus has to be a Kuyu!

  • Jefferson
    03.11.2015

    And Jesus walks

  • Irene
    03.11.2015

    Thank you for making my morning

  • James Murage
    03.11.2015

    Classic Biko n kuyus, nyce article

  • mufasa
    03.11.2015

    Mindfulness works… glad you realized its not a sham!!!

    meditation is something…!

  • Ndaisi
    03.11.2015

    That was Jesus for sure. And we have more of those every so often..we just miss them. Awesome piece Biko.

  • Daisy
    03.11.2015

    Amen. One time I was just about to faint in a 2M line, a former teacher of mine happened to pass by and shared with me the oranges she had and all too suddenly the urge to faint went away. I thought, Jesus that must have been you.

  • robert
    03.11.2015

    Hehehe Chocolate man, lemme aks you, would you like it if someone wanted to adopt your Tamms?… I thought so too…

  • Wamazke
    03.11.2015

    And that is the absolute truth.. Jesus is all around us in us and expressed through us.. Lovely article Biko! BTW how was it wiping your diab with newspaper?

  • Faith
    03.11.2015

    Interesting piece Mr. Chocolate man. Your story makes me think there are good people out there despite the evil everyday surrounding. Tuesday made. Thank you.

  • Waruguru
    03.11.2015

    aaaiiiii, Biko, there is no stillness in that article. Thanks tho, good read as always.

  • shannon
    03.11.2015

    I’m one of those ghost readers and saw there were no comments yet so yeah that’s my comment:)
    great read as always
    p.s you will definitely know when Jesus comes back

    • ally
      11.11.2015

      Hahahahah and after you posted u realised u were no 1000

  • D.B Cooper
    03.11.2015

    Hehe….the ever amazing chocolate man. You must have still been sleepy on this piece. Too many stories in one…and the typos! ….as if Kim were…and swapps…! It’s swaps…

    • Nzama Ree
      03.11.2015

      D.B. Cooper? Really?

    • Robert
      05.11.2015

      Hey DB Cooper, you dropped a nit .. 😉

  • Njooro
    03.11.2015

    Amen. We surely miss the most obvious signs as we perpetually look for the most obscure ones. Great read.

    • lessiano
      03.11.2015

      my thoughts too.

  • Wambui Ndirangu
    03.11.2015

    Great read as always.

  • Joash
    03.11.2015

    Biko, keep on writing. From Addis, I won’t aks for any better start to my day!

  • Helleinor
    03.11.2015

    Oh wow! Touched me considering my major love for kids too. I totally understand. Best line
    “He said something in Kikuyu and I thought, aah this is just great, now even Jesus has to be a Kuyu?” And ofcos being offered warm water lol!

  • njeri komu
    03.11.2015

    yaay! never been in top 10 to comment. its the little things. amen!!

    • njeri komu
      03.11.2015

      oh..well. i guess top 20

  • Milly
    03.11.2015

    Niice Biko.My perspective towards ‘centers’ has now shifted

  • Diana
    03.11.2015

    Enjoyed reading this. Will begin surrendering my phone to my daughter so she learns how to swap 🙂

  • Lumbzy
    03.11.2015

    With the number of stories in this story, am not surprised you couldn’t find stillness. Interesting read as usual.

    • Stella
      03.11.2015

      Linda ,is this you?

  • Jean
    03.11.2015

    We ‘ve enjoyed reading guest posts but nothing beats your zany humour Biko! I laughed out loud:-) And yes the unexpected kindness of strangers truly does show us the face of Jesus

  • Koko
    03.11.2015

    Laughed my entire. Good stuff.

  • Diana
    03.11.2015

    Oh, and just remembered to say you are lucky they gave you newspaper…somewhere around my home, you could have been given leaves

    • Isz
      03.11.2015

      maigoya….hehehe

    • Jeff
      05.11.2015

      my guess was leaves too

  • irene
    03.11.2015

    Biko cant get enough of ua pieces..nice 1 bt eey u cant just take a kid from a resturant huh..nice 1

  • Kagwi
    03.11.2015

    I need some more information on Brea…I also want to adopt her.

    • Dee
      03.11.2015

      Hahaha..me too!
      Now how many parents will Brea have?

  • kinuthia
    03.11.2015

    Great article….

  • "Vickie
    03.11.2015

    “We will wait for burning bushes or tall men with white robes or hymns and harps but that might not be Jesus. When Jesus shows up he will show up in a different form and we will miss it because we will be looking out for something that we have been conditioned to believe.” This is soo true

    2
  • e.v.e
    03.11.2015

    Jesus had to be a kuyu too. . dead

  • Jacky
    03.11.2015

    Nice article as always. But I like how the comments sound like your neighbors or workmates or even relative. Like they know you well. Like you have coffee with them every Thursday. Like you’ve gone on team building exercise. “Aah Biko! Long time bwana!” That’s what they might be saying when you meet on Thursday for coffee….pretty cool fan base

  • Valerie
    03.11.2015

    Deep. And entertaining as usual!

  • faith
    03.11.2015

    Word.

  • wicks
    03.11.2015

    Great article as always

  • sheenaz
    03.11.2015

    You never disappoint..!about insomnia,I’ll download that “meditation made simple”to see if i
    ‘ll see any changes!!

  • @clif_the_tall
    03.11.2015

    Hahaha! This is funny ! I have laughed yangu yote. Ofcourse boys have to eat! we just have to eat. kumbe am not alone in this adoption storo. some kids are just too beautiful to be true. Nice read boss.

  • Reina
    03.11.2015

    Amen! Preach Biko, Preach!

  • Kui
    03.11.2015

    Loved it. Plus I also think of adopting kids often, in the supermarket, at the salon. Makes two of us.

  • Ooga Tony
    03.11.2015

    He he he, Biko. Amen, but wait…what is it with Kisiis?

    • Ann Gardener
      03.11.2015

      N kuyus…lol

  • fridz
    03.11.2015

    wooow..Amen

  • steve
    03.11.2015

    Surely, one of my best pieces……boys and appetite (lol…

    • steve
      03.11.2015

      One of my best pieces this one……best line for me… I wanted to adopt that one as well even though I could tell his appetite would get me bankrupt in a week. Boys eat. Kim eats anything. If it doesn’t cause convulsions he will eat it.

      • sal
        03.11.2015

        Me too!Too funny!

  • Mara
    03.11.2015

    My life is full of twins I want to adopt

  • kevkim
    03.11.2015

    ” It lasted ten minutes of me sitting there shirtless in my sleeping shorts, legs crossed like a swami, breathing in and out and trying not to to imagine the help walking out and finding me there, which wouldn’t surprise her because she is Kisii.”

    Haha

  • Wambui
    03.11.2015

    I need a Like button on this blog, yawa! For those times I cant type much.

  • dee
    03.11.2015

    Someone just commented on some serious work and I burst out laughing so loud!! Biko this is awesome !

  • Ongala Maurice
    03.11.2015

    Two stunning stories in one and you just killed it Biko!

  • Wanja
    03.11.2015

    and outside the neighbor’s cock make a racket. (Oh boy, I can’t even find stillness in a sentence like that)….hehe nice read

  • abdullah omar
    03.11.2015

    u know biko u write so well that whatever ails you those words you from us.seeing these things from children jesus half washed arse?ever thought of seeing
    a psychiatrist?i am sure the gang will assist with the arrangement.it is no ike the old days when a person had to be shackled!whatever the thais did with our chocolate man!

  • lilian
    03.11.2015

    brought back a bunch of old newspapers which was a bit insulting because really, how big did she think my ass was? you killed it as always:)

  • keru mo
    03.11.2015

    God manifests himself in our lives in various ways..
    Note that tattered clothed person who crosses your path life n we ignore them..#feelingThoughtful

  • David
    03.11.2015

    Am with you chocolate man. Kids with missing canines due to teething are usually a sight to behold.

  • Ayuma
    03.11.2015

    Its the little acts of kindness from strangers that reflect the love of Jesus. Great article Biko.

  • Irene Muya
    03.11.2015

    “now even Jesus has to be a Kuyu” chocolate man, really??? nice piece Biko!!

  • Henry
    03.11.2015

    Amen!

  • PUNDI
    03.11.2015

    Biko I have laughed. I have laughed. I have laughed. Until I have laughed that I am laughing. I had to stop. Wipe tears. Go pee!! Twice – and no my plumbing is good, it’s your writing that is wickedly diuretic.

    Awesomeness!!

    • Wangui
      03.11.2015

      Eeeiiiisshhh ati “wickedly diuretic”

      1
      • derr
        20.11.2015

        i love that

  • Anita Onuko
    03.11.2015

    hahaha Biko, awesome read! stillness is clearly very elusive

  • Mary
    03.11.2015

    How well you integrate the stories within the story without loosing me is something I cant understand.

  • Kojo
    03.11.2015

    “…now even Jesus has to be a Kuyu?” You never disappoint the gang. Interesting piece.

  • Patrick Mkenya
    03.11.2015

    Kudos Biko! A very nice read

  • Dan
    03.11.2015

    Brilliant piece man..don’t take nods on the wheel though that shit be dangerous.

  • Evelyn Shiko
    03.11.2015

    This was hilarious, ave laughed out loud. I had to confirm Wairimus age thank heavens only 13. my sister is Wairimu and am Wanjiku. Brea I could also adopt, that was a perfect read.

  • Wangari
    03.11.2015

    The correlation between adoption, Kuyu ‘Jesus’& Wairimu is superbly done. Best integration of stories within a story.

  • dennis
    03.11.2015

    “…..now even Jesus has to be a Kuyu?”how so funny! nice read.

  • Rngithogori
    03.11.2015

    Biko yawa inspite of temperatures hitting 36 you just miraculously (like Jesus) cooled it off, Ngota from the trenches

  • francisca
    03.11.2015

    You know Biko “akina Kama” would have parted with the whole trunk,leaving you in that cold….the tyres are not enough…or atleast i think so…haha,loving this piece

  • Wanjuhi
    03.11.2015

    Awww Biko, you softy!! Loved the article to bits

  • Naomi
    03.11.2015

    I’ve always wanted to say this and I think this is the right time; Can I adopt you, biko? You are too awesome, yawa!

    • Ann Gardener
      03.11.2015

      Like and endorse.

  • Tony
    03.11.2015

    Awesome read…
    How many old newspapers were these Biko?

  • Chico
    03.11.2015

    Damnit Biko,dont adopt that kid from the Impala club do…i saw him jump down to groove and already planning his future with my version of your Tamms! You knocked this into space bro..take a bow sir.

  • Sheex
    03.11.2015

    Ai, if laughing adds a day to your life, I’m immortal. Biko, you are just special…if it doesn’t cause convulsions he will eat it. Dead. Always a great read.

  • Merci Jowi
    03.11.2015

    Beautiful piece. I thought it is only me who always wants to adopt other peoples children. I keep telling guys that we have met Jesus several times, we only have the eyes but see not.

  • mitani
    03.11.2015

    But what’s a Tuesday without Jesus and Biko’s article?!!! awesome.

  • itsB
    03.11.2015

    Nice article Biko. Unfortunately the App “Meditation Made Simple” is not
    on Google Store for the, not so well of, Kenyan Population like me.
    I guess it’s a preserve for the iOS users.

    Secondly Biko, there are always pretty nice comments under your articles.
    Some will leave you with that tinge to “sub-comment” under and some you just want to like and move on.

    Mr. Chocolate Man, can we ask your IT guy to add the like button?

    • Yours Truly
      03.11.2015

      Like!Like!Like!

    • M.m.vee
      03.11.2015

      That would be awesome

    • Wanjuhi
      03.11.2015

      What he said… A like button would be awesome

      • Wanjuhi Njoroge
        03.11.2015

        Hey Wanjuhi, our name is so rare and every time i spot someone else using, I am tempted to ask, “are you family”? but being the shy type, I just wish i did like I did now….

  • mdaleene
    03.11.2015

    hahaa now this one, bomb!

  • Katlilian
    03.11.2015

    Today we only have Jesus, no weaves and no corsets. Very interesting indeed, and AMEN!! Reminds me of an article I did on random acts of kindness. There is hope in humanity after all.

  • PATRICIA MUMA
    03.11.2015

    This was a refreshing read. I like the jump from one plot to another which can be confusing and frustrating if not flawlessly done. This was flawless transition. I actually found stillness in the story. If the guest writer on fashion can perfect the art of smooth and calm transition like this then I think her stories would be just as refreshing.

  • Florence Ogonjo
    03.11.2015

    i dont think you realise how silly i look sitted in the library trying not to laugh out loud and have daggers sent at me, but thank you….you are as centered as it gets….

  • lydia
    03.11.2015

    Hehehe Biko man remember the kid on the bus in traffic gazing out the window? You wanted to adopt that one too

    • Hangestsu
      03.11.2015

      Lydia, you remember that kid!

      I wanted to adopt that one too.

    • Anon
      03.11.2015

      I remember that one too. The one from an international school, during a traffic jam closing her eyes while listening to music. I think Bike needs to see someone, and we need a holiday from this blog

  • pesh
    03.11.2015

    I agree with your first friend, the Brea story makes you sound a bit creepy..this article supports your second friend- Maybe you need some centering.Entertaining as usual.
    You had me at “now even Jesus has to be a Kuyu?”

  • Patricia Achieng
    03.11.2015

    It is true, Jesus continues to exist in many people. There are still good people around.
    May He open our eyes to see that.

  • clrmuthoni
    03.11.2015

    I kept reading and waiting to get to the moral of the story hehe and I was not disappointed:) Thank you Biko

  • Yons
    03.11.2015

    Cute how you love tois:)) I love it!

  • Yours Truly
    03.11.2015

    I couldn’t stop laughing past the newspaper bit.

  • nicholas
    03.11.2015

    Hehehe… Don’t joke with kama’s gang Biko u softie.
    Nice read best lunch break I’ll have all week .

  • Ms. Sunshine
    03.11.2015

    OK, where are guys collecting numbers to this queue of people who want to adopt Brae? That girl is simply adorable. And very true, Jesus walks among us everyday, everywhere. He is that stranger who offers help when we least expect it, or that friend who is always ready to lend a helping hand, or even closer home; family.

  • Violet Njoroge
    03.11.2015

    Great article,biko you are the best thing to ever happen. your way with words is something out of this world.

  • LJ
    03.11.2015

    I felt at peace reading this, thanks a lot Biko. And have a good day.

    http://www.lusekacafe.com

  • Josaya
    03.11.2015

    Amen!

  • Mark Wambugu
    03.11.2015

    Amazing piece. But sleep is important. Remember that

  • Eddah
    03.11.2015

    Good to hear the clot is gone.

  • M.m.vee
    03.11.2015

    I love kids, I get that feeling to adopt them almost all the time,think it’s time I got my own

  • Nyambura
    03.11.2015

    hehehehehe,.for wat its worth,.I would wanna adopt Brea too.

  • Ags
    03.11.2015

    Thank God the clot is no more!

  • Gathoni
    03.11.2015

    Amen!! Nice read……laughed until I was in tears. We meet Jesus everyday in the small acts of kindness we receive from strangers.

  • Georgina
    03.11.2015

    This read touched me, for one I always feel the need to adopt cute kids I see, haha
    And yes, Jesus lives amongst us, you just need to open your eyes to see Him

  • Brenda
    03.11.2015

    Nice read

  • kui
    03.11.2015

    It was really nice reading that. Thanks Biko.

  • steve
    03.11.2015

    There’s still hope in humanity, and yes Jesus will catch us unaware because of our preconditioned perspective. You’ll always see a cute kid at every corner you turn, imagine how many you will adopt. Awesome read as usual.

  • Zack Mwangi
    03.11.2015

    Nice article Biko.

  • ayak
    03.11.2015

    i believe the “center” is unique to our deeper personna in the stage of life …great piece word-meister

  • tom osanjo
    03.11.2015

    We will wait for burning bushes or tall men with white robes or hymns and harps but that might not be Jesus. When Jesus shows up he will show up in a different form and we will miss it because we will be looking out for something that we have been conditioned to believe.” On point! Sometimes I get inspired to write bible devotionals for a fellowship I am in and will lift this word for word. AMEN!

  • Binnsword
    03.11.2015

    You thought he was Jesus? Oh Boy, that cracked my rib.

  • Kadonye
    03.11.2015

    This Biko. This is why I come here every week. You are gifted. I see Jesus whenever I marvel…at his works, at random acts of kindness or even exemplary writing talent.

  • Sonia
    03.11.2015

    Ha ha Biko ebu ignore all those people who think you are creepy. You are not. My thing is everytime I see a child who is cute, I saw that I want to eat him or her. I want to feel them deep in th epit of my stomach and walk around with that knowledge that there is a cute kid in my tummy. Silence of the Lambs vibes sana he he. Yes, Jesus will ask us on the last day, why we didn’t feed the stranger and clothe the homeless. Yes, you saw the face of Jesus or as I like to call him Jesus (the j is pronounced as h in Spanish)

  • Shi Ro
    03.11.2015

    Yaaay that bi**h, what was her name again…read clot is gone!! Good riddance. I was praying for you. Now we can be together forever 😀

  • Megrachel Nyakio
    03.11.2015

    Standing still is being able to narrate different stories at the same time..

  • Ali
    03.11.2015

    MEN PLEASE DON’T USE “CHOCOLATE MAN ” It conjures very disturbing images in my mind. but for the ladies knock yourselves out.

    • Maerie
      04.11.2015

      Hehehehe

  • Grace
    03.11.2015

    I’ve tried subscribing and the email to confirm isn’t coming through. Am I missing something?
    Lovely post today..These days I see kids and I want one,perhaps new year resolution!

  • obazee
    03.11.2015

    nice read Jackson.
    you and kisiis thou..smh

  • edna
    03.11.2015

    Wow interesting!! I can relate to that feeling of wanting to adopt people’s tois!!!

  • June
    03.11.2015

    Ah. So you do have religion. Thrilled to pieces. Great piece (as always)

  • Wanjiru
    03.11.2015

    Biko, you made me smile…I have three boys and still I want to adopt little cute kids I see around me….and Jesus is found in the small things that make us happy

  • Aly
    03.11.2015

    my afternoon is made…..I want to adopt Kim, i can handle his appetite

  • sylviah
    03.11.2015

    hahahaha Ali you made my day&that was how choclate man came to be.
    Biko intresting piece as always.

  • Byron Timothy Ouma
    03.11.2015

    wow amen brother you did see Jesus and kids nowadays do things to
    astound us.

  • Ann
    03.11.2015

    Jesus appeared again,during your meditation by reminding you of the act of kindness done to you a while ago. He perfectly brought that memory to stop you and inform you that you do not need meditation. He is your stillness. He is the one who will center your life. You have already found stillness, Jesus, yes Jesus can be in you too

  • Winnie
    03.11.2015

    This is a great piece, little acts of kindness surely go a long way.

  • ciru
    03.11.2015

    such a random post

  • Dee
    03.11.2015

    Chocolate man, nothing wrong with you wanting to adopt those kids…. happens to me all the time.

  • Gilbert
    03.11.2015

    “which wouldn’t surprise her because she is Kisii. Hehe.”
    Hate speech! But you are forgiven because ,man! you know how to spin a tale.

  • David Muriithi
    03.11.2015

    Brilliant stuff as always my friend. Keep at it. Made my day…….

  • Sir Kev
    03.11.2015

    Can I adopt your forehead Chocolate Man?

  • Kui Wangui
    03.11.2015

    Interesting read Biko – I like the fusion of different stories without loosing the plot.

  • Bree
    03.11.2015

    Woi woi woi… aki Biko!!! Mever try finding that centre stillness again!!! Iko na wenyewe na wewe sio moja wao!!!

    Great piece!!! God bless the Brea, The gang , The old men in Kuyo Land, and the angel that gave you newspapers!!!

  • Kui Wangui
    03.11.2015

    I like the fusion of different stories without loosing the plot BUT I must say though that I have enjoyed your other posts better.

  • Abigail
    03.11.2015

    YAY CLOT GONE!
    And yay, Jesus, whose face is apparent in all of us – even when we’re trying to fall asleep at the wheel (of life. Like, Jesus take the wheel. Get it? No? *has seat*

  • Burdizzo
    03.11.2015

    Yaani Biko you are truly from the 70s if that Snoop’s jam is on your mind

  • wachuka
    03.11.2015

    It is people like wairimu who make this life beautiful….keep on writting biko.

  • skaheru
    03.11.2015

    Boss, you cause unnecessary anxiety when you use a phrase like “that shit touched the shit” at the tail-end of the part of the story where you are talking about actually shitting…

  • PK
    03.11.2015

    Burst out laughing. Great article Biko.

  • Garlow
    03.11.2015

    Hahahaha!! I died @ “aah! Great even Jesus had to be a kuyu?”
    Biko I totally get that urge to adopt thing. Some kids just too smart n make the heart smile. Maybe that’s stillness too

  • GILBERT KENYA
    03.11.2015

    That was hate speech against Kisiis up there. It made me breathe in with anger, “….breathing in and out and trying not to to imagine the help walking out and finding me there, which wouldn’t surprise her because she is Kisii.”
    Was on my way to Ole Kaparo’s office, then I saw Jesus. He literally took his coat off and covered the weave of a lady who was almost fainting when, from nowhere, big drops of rain started falling on us in the middle of a street! Then I thought, if Jesus can forgive weaves, then who am I not to forgive a man with a big forehead for hating on Kisiis gaki!After-all, this jaduong knows how to spin many nice tales into one delicious storo. That is why you might not get a visit from the Kaparo guys.
    Nice read as usual.

    • GILBERT KENYA
      03.11.2015

      …But be warned. Next time you hate on Kisiis, you might not get off the hook so easily.

  • samson ndungu
    03.11.2015

    great hahaha!!

  • Cub Gee
    03.11.2015

    Amen!

  • Aida
    03.11.2015

    Biko your words give life in a way that I can’t begin to explain. I always look forward to this day. Never stop.

  • Fortune Knowles
    03.11.2015

    Hey Biko, I am in awe of your tale spinning prowess!! You are just being real,admitting to wanting to adopt other people’s kids. I laughed my ass off,had folks around looking strangely at me. ALL HAIL THE CHOCOLATE MAN!!

  • Mercelline
    03.11.2015

    Getting that notification of a new blog post from you, now that’s stillness so,thank you.

  • Rawnsley
    03.11.2015

    I also need some Brea in my life

  • JuanitaWriter
    03.11.2015

    Amen…there’s a little bit of Jesus everywhere, we don’t have to look too hard.Good flow as always.

  • Isaiah
    03.11.2015

    “I just need to close my eyes and think of Wairimu pouring me the warm water to wash my hands as the old man pretended not to watch. That was my center. That is stillness”. Must admit that part got me still. Good piece.

  • waiganjo
    03.11.2015

    when you want to see the good in people, you always will. thank you Biko

  • nichie
    03.11.2015

    this guy biko though!!!!

  • huan
    03.11.2015

    have this lady called milka n we read the blog pamoja .,so last time it was that she can only sell fruits na sasa pia leo you killing me ……. owesame read as always

  • Maryanne
    03.11.2015

    Now I could have been left in stitches but I held back…coz I can’t possibly be ripped apart when there’s more of Chocolate man to read,too much to lose!Love love love it Biko!

  • Mutesi
    04.11.2015

    Biko, I truly enjoy your writing (including that totally cool article in this month’s Msafiri – sasa where do we react to that one because I have a few things to say about the cars in my past?:) I’m all for grooming other writers, and I’d like to be groomed too, but your bar is so pleasantly high that it’s getting more and more difficult to adopt other writers here:). Good problem. Tuesdays, my new favourite day. Good job, with or without centeredness.

  • Mo
    04.11.2015

    I always love your writing Biko but this one reads like a patchwork yawa. Mental block?? It still flows enough to be read to the end though! Russell Simmons is watching, LOL!

  • oliver Tambo
    04.11.2015

    it was dark and all and
    nobody wants to be the pussy driver who stops
    everybody because they are sleepy right?….haha…really biko,great read

  • liz
    04.11.2015

    Ngai Ian(at the top of comments)hahaha that was funny.you sound you are of medicine too

  • Brenda
    04.11.2015

    Truly chocolate man…the bomb!how do you do it?spin all those stories without missing a beat?n it flows…n its funny…I have laughed n smiled so hard guys r looking at me funny.
    Glad to know the clot dissipated… N yes I agree …your IT guys need to put a LIKE button.

  • Katwa
    04.11.2015

    Kenyans are great people what unites us (hospitality) is way more bigger than what divides us (politics) and we only need to focus on that coz thats the Jesus that lies deep within us.

  • Amellia Kox
    04.11.2015

    Great read Biko…

  • Bosibori
    04.11.2015

    Made me laugh at that Jesus part. That sudden out of no where laugh!
    Yes, I see tonnes of kids whose cheeks i just want to rub and kiss, and those pointees with hair that you just want to touch and inspect! but ‘take’ them? As in take them home with me Biko? You’re on your own boss!

  • Leah
    04.11.2015

    I have read this article 3 times and am still smiling.

  • Emmanuel Taracha
    04.11.2015

    Great piece Chocolate man. You aint creepy at all. I sure have felt the way you felt about Brea. There is this 6 year old that came to our office and for once I wished she were my daughter because she did things that wowed me. At some point she requested to use my MacBook and I couldn’t believe how easily she used it. About the house help, what do you mean…which wouldn’t surprise her because she is Kisii? Biko wewe…Jesus is everywhere indeed. I remember this day I went to Ukambani. So Safaricom was having an open day for people to view the plots they had in those sides of Kathonzweni, somewhere past Maanzoni and I said why not go check them out. In the buses they were using to ferry us there I sat next to this not so old woman. She was kitu 45 ama 50. We dint talk much and when we reached Ukambani we got off the bus and we went our separate ways to view the plots. Those sides are hot but thanks to Safaricom they were offering bottled water and out of nowhere I decided to take two bottles maybe the woman who was sitting next to me in the bus wanted some water. I dint know her and I dint know if I was going to see her again because by now she had disappeared into the huge crowd of anxious land buyers and some joyriders. Honestly I dint know why I picked up an extra bottle for her. And then out of nowhere she shows show up and she is like “May I kindly have one of the bottles?” I was like yea in fact it is yours. I saw her open the bottle pour a few drops in the ground and drank the rest. And that was it.

    We finished viewing the plots, those who bought did buy and it was time to return to the City. I had forgotten about the whole water thing and when we were on our way back she asked me why I carried an extra bottle for her at the site. I told her I didn’t know maybe she needed the water. And that is when she shocked me. She told while on our way to Ukambani God had asked her to bless the land of Ukambani with a drop of water. And by the time she reached at the tent where water was being offered there was no bottle left. She wondered how she was going to bless the land with no water and then that is when she suddenly saw me with an extra bottle. Imagine that. I was speechless. From that day I believed God speaks through us in various ways only if we listen.

  • Imelda
    04.11.2015

    So good!

    • GILBERT KENYA
      04.11.2015

      I thought Biko said you disappeared!

      • lucyann
        09.11.2015

        hahahaha… i though so too.
        biko, Imelda is here!!! in person

        • Bella
          09.11.2015

          hahaha

  • Rachael
    04.11.2015

    you are not alone. I have seen well mannered children or children who have their lives more together than mine and thought of stealing them. Let’s not sugar coat things. Steal them and make them mine. There is nothing wrong with that.

  • kaimuri
    04.11.2015

    I like this one Biko. I’ve been kind of thrown off by a couple of your recent pieces but this was great. It was funny how you take Brea home. Her mom would probably hunt you down…and her Daddy?? Thanks for driving safe and napping when you needed to. Of course Our Lord would look out for you! A bunch of old newspapers for you?… I guess they weren’t willing to chance that the newspaper was less than you might need

  • nelly
    04.11.2015

    🙂

  • Hellen
    04.11.2015

    Biko i thought that i was alone in this. I love kids and i see some and thoughts of adopting/stealing them just gets me.

  • Mihas
    04.11.2015

    This is my confession, I look at other people’s and I want to nurse them. Honestly, I know its kind off weird but I think my mission on earth is to wet nurse a baby for someone who cant, and I don’t need meditation.

    • Mihas
      04.11.2015

      Kind of*

  • Volker Finke
    04.11.2015

    That’s my daughter. I swear!

    • Maywa
      04.11.2015

      Hahah..smart daughter

  • Kui Ngugi
    04.11.2015

    Are you sure you are middle aged? great stuff!

  • Maureen
    04.11.2015

    The newspaper. Anyone? Hehe. Aki that part was too vivid

  • chas
    04.11.2015

    I love love this piece Biko, I laughed till tears, literally rolled down my cheeks. Your humor is simply out of this world. Thank you for just being

  • The Black Kennedy
    04.11.2015

    Just a quick question Mr. Forehead…,
    Hizo gazeti ulizitumia zote….??

  • Moha
    05.11.2015

    LOL Boss,it must have been a long call for you to have stayed in there until the water boiled. You’re clearely poor at putting “calls” on hold. Brea are you there? “paps” needs some lesson

  • Millie
    05.11.2015

    Damn Biko you never disappoint…great article..:-):-) made my day

  • MARY
    05.11.2015

    Biko, about 70-80% of the worlds population says aks instaed of ask……..e.g brea, rkelly, my friend ken…..i laugh everytime, cassidy-the rapper………..good piece. totally unrelated question, hiyo gazeti ilikua ya lini?

  • jennifer
    05.11.2015

    nice one….i loved the Jesus bit…He shows up when we least expect!and no you not creepy

  • Stevens Chege
    05.11.2015

    Nice read Biko! I love kids too, some are so cute to be real. My son is adorable…

  • Lg
    05.11.2015

    Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

    I am immensely glad that you did an RTS to Imelda.

  • Risper
    05.11.2015

    Teary eyed kabisa kabisa. Been kaudu busy but just had to reda this. Afternoon made

  • Liv
    05.11.2015

    He said something in Kikuyu and I thought,
    aah this is just great, now even Jesus has to be a
    Kuyu?
    Ha ha haaaaa. Really man?!.

  • Rose
    06.11.2015

    Great piece! “..because I do not think you can ‘center’ yourself when you have a clot in your leg”… LOL!!
    Biko, this is great! I’ve almost forgiven you for that other piece on the Smoking… almost, but not quite.

  • Kainyu frida
    06.11.2015

    Too honest….. newspapers on your a** jameni!!! Lol

  • Jess
    06.11.2015

    The thought of Jesus is so that you know that he should be the center and your stillness,Be careful i almost went down that new-age stuff where you open up your portals(energy centres) for a higher being(Read d evil to get in) then happiness,money,etc comes but at the cost of your soul.

  • Daggy
    09.11.2015

    Interesting piece!!

  • Edna
    09.11.2015

    Biko you are a good doctor, they say laughter is the best medicine. The random laughing out loud moments. Brea, Yoga, the kuyo Jesus, the newspapers for your toilet paper and my favorite line “….It lasted ten minutes of me sitting there shirtless in my sleeping shorts, legs crossed like a swami, breathing in and out and trying not to to imagine the help walking out and finding me there, which wouldn’t surprise her because she is Kisii. Hehe. Which is why I think people should meditate in a forest, probably Karura. Or Ngong.”

  • sasa
    09.11.2015

    Random thoughts like shallow rocky streams sprinting eagerly to grab a lift on a wide bottomed river gyrating majestically towards the ocean. Like how your mind works. Please post that article published in Msafiri here, if it’s not to much trouble. .

  • Muguima
    10.11.2015

    This is my centre. My stillness.

  • Shezzie
    10.11.2015

    Awesome read as always. Glad the clot has taken leave of you.

  • Aoife
    12.11.2015

    Wow I love your fatherhood categories and to log in today and fine three stories wrapped up in one just made my day. And you are right about Jesus and His mysterious ways. Good job Biko

  • Nduku Isaboke
    19.11.2015

    Beautiful and funny. 🙂

  • Njonjo Fidelis
    20.11.2015

    Nice. I also want to adopt like all little children I see around me.

  • hyxoul
    23.11.2015

    biko you should marry a kuyu chic….i love all your articles.

    • Christine
      24.11.2015

      He’s married to one already

  • danix
    27.11.2015

    Have you ever watched that vine where a girl is crying that she does not want her kid bro to grow coz he’s so cute…?
    now those I would adopt, the both of them.
    This was a great piece. I related with all your experiences, especially that part on Jesus, the stranger. But not the newspaper part.
    I even want to start meditating…
    Even the gang is influencing me now, I want to be no.1 to comment next week.
    Long live Biko!

  • Wahura
    27.11.2015

    This one made me laugh..”ati even Jesus had to be Kuyu..”

  • Waringu Mwangi
    28.11.2015

    True, Jesus appears in our everyday life in a form we least expect.

  • calleen
    30.11.2015

    I thought about Brea and that old man and his red collar when I was trying to “center” myself in the morning. I’m sure I saw the face of Jesus that misty dawn. I don’t think I need any more centering or meditation or even to buy a yoga mat. I just need to close my eyes and think of Wairimu pouring me the warm water to wash my hands as the old man pretended not to watch. That was my center. That is stillness……i don’t think of adopting those small smart kids..i think of my baby being as smart as them,with that smart english and all that…. kids

  • Alexis
    30.11.2015

    Biko you cracked me up. You’re not alone, I see people’s kids that I want to adopt often. Kids that are too cute and brilliant blow me away. As for seeing Jesus and meditation, lol how does one sit still and think about nothing, that’s a mystery to me.

  • Ciiku
    16.12.2015

    Now this is an awesome read.

  • wairimu
    31.12.2015

    Wanjiku and Wairimu are very different names. I hate it when I get called Wanjiku! I get how Wanjiru and Wanjiku sound similar but Wairimu and Wanjiku? By the way, do people ever call you Steve, just coz of the word association that any Biko has also got to be Steve? I bet it’s irritating. Or Biku instead of Biko.. Now we will
    never know the name of that angel bearing “tissues” and hot
    water! Nice article nonetheless.

  • Kevin Nyalle
    27.07.2017

    Funny. Then creepy. Then beautiful…and ultimately centering.

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