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This Forest.

He grew up around the church, Seventh Day Adventist, to be precise. The family spent long hours in church. His parents were committed church members. He remembers a childhood filled with rotating doors of people coming in and out of their house for prayers and food being prepared for these church people. Lots of hot chocolate, soya, buns and buttered bread. He remembers staying up late on some nights, falling asleep on the sofa, overwhelmed by the words and hum of voices praising and evoking and the singing. “I had a very happy childhood,” he says. His parents were the picture of a loving marriage; committed, loving, attentive, generous. They were a tight family; they prayed together and stayed together. His father was in the contracting business and his mom a nurse. They were not rich, but they got by. They went for the occasional holiday as a family. “We didn’t lack for anything.”

Church remained a big thing in his life even into his teenage. He loved it and he loved the church community around where they lived. There was a sense of kinship, of community. Then he went to college. You know how college is; but he was a moderate. Girls? “Well, I had a few girlfriends but they never lasted long. When it got serious I would shy away out of fear.” When he graduated he packed a small bag and told his parents he was leaving. They asked, “What? Where to?”

He said, “Migori.”

“Wait, isn’t that somewhere in Kisumu?” his mother asked.

“South Nyanza, actually,” he said, matter-of-factly.

They stared at him like he had gone cuckoo. They had just had dinner. His father dropped his napkin onto his plate and went to the living room. His mother looked at him like, “Are you just going to walk away from this? He is going to Migori!”

“What are you going to do in Migori? Aren’t you going to find employment now that you are done with college?” asked his mom.

“I don’t want to find employment, at least not just yet,” he said, “I want to go help humanity.”

“In Migori?”

“Yes.”

She paused and studied him. Was he taking drugs? He had studied business and hospitality and now he was going to run off to God-knows-where to help humanity! She said, “Come.” So they went to the living room where his father was seated legs crossed, watching the TV, nonplussed. His mom said, “Do you mind shutting that off for a second?” It seemed like a question but it was a command. He pointed at the TV with the remote and it went black.

“Tell us again, what is this? What’s going on?” his mother asked.

“Nothing is going on, Mom. I just feel like I need to go help somebody who needs me.”

“And they need you in Migori?”

“Yeah. Humanitarian work. I want to volunteer.”

“Who do you know there?” his father asked.

“I don’t know anyone, I applied and they accepted.”

“Who are they?” asked his mom.

“Kenya Relief.org.”

The parents stared at each other.

“And this place is in Migori?”

“Yeah.”

“What do they do?”

“It’s a church organisation that helps the orphans of Migori. They also have a hospital. I want to help these children.”

The parents were silent for a second. They were in a dilemma because they had raised their children to be humble, generous and faithful in the work of the Lord. What they hadn’t anticipated was that they would go all the way to Migori to be faithful, humble, generous and faithful in the work of the Lord. Hell, they hadn’t even been to Kisumu leave alone Migori. Would he be okay there alone? They had little choice. He was an adult of free will. So they prayed for him and grudgingly let him go.

I don’t know if you know where Migori is. I haven’t been there myself but I know where it is. So you take a bus, probably at Machakos bus terminal, that will pass through flat and charismatic Narok, passing places like Ololulunga, Longisa, the lush and nippy Sotik then Bomet (pronounced ‘Pomet’). Then the soil starts getting really red and the hills rise and fall in the rhythm of nature and when the clothing starts becoming more on men and women you know you are now passing Nyansiongo, Kisii land. You will then check into Keroka, a small town, then Kisii town a bigger town. The bus will stop and if you are naive enough to open your window, tons of bananas will be thrust through it, hawkers speaking fast, urging you to buy at “sigisti bob, ebo!” You will buy a bunch of sweet bananas and maybe a bottle of mineral water. The bus will start moving again, past a rumbling Suneka town, and then you will notice the vegetation changing outside and the language in the bus changing from fast and shrill to boisterous and loud. You will know you are getting into Migori County.

You will first get to a town called Rongo. The bus will stop and through your window will be thrust more roast maize and maziwa mala and potatoes and a live chicken with pleading, blinking eyes. Don’t be too surprised if the hawkers here speak to you in English. Because they can. The driver will jump out and disappear into some shops, leaving the bus idling. It will be hot. A cocky young man with baby dreadlocks will take the driver’s seat. He will constantly rev the engine but the bus will not move until the real driver is back. More people will come into the bus to take the empty seats. Hawkers will walk down the aisle selling padlocks and ‘Guci’ sunglasses, medicine that can treat both amoeba and diabetes. Don’t lock eyes with this fella because he will come to you and whisper, “er, na pia niko na dawa ya kuongeza ngufu ya kiume.” Then another fella shows up selling small transistor radios and a pack of four petticoat, otherwise known as Kamis and a preacher shouting himself hoarse above this din, urging you poor passengers to change your evil ways or the Lord shall not be too pleased with you because He might be a patient God but He is also a wrathful God. Nobody listens to him but he’s undeterred and ploughs on through this wall of group indifference. A baby, uncomfortable in the heat, cries constantly. He is also ignored. Your new seatmate will be a man happily enjoying his mandazi and maziwa mala. He’s a teacher in a local school. Teachers are the ones who hold court in these neck of the woods. If he sees groundnuts he will rudely lean across your open book, stick his head through window and whistle at the hawker. “Ne, omera! Njugu no pesa adi?”

The bus will start moving again, past Kabola, Sare, Diangah and a place called Stelah, which I’m sure has a great backstory perhaps of the most beautiful woman with big gorgeous eyes who killed many a man in that village with her gappy smile. The baby will continue crying. The bus will be smelling of boiled eggs and old socks. The guys in the front seat will be engaged in an animated conversation which you are struggling to listen to over the sound of everything else. The bus will finally stop at Migori town, seven hours after leaving Nairobi.

Karibu Migori.

He settled at Kenya Relief.org, living in a three-room house. The other rooms would always be open to visiting missionaries, doctors and teachers. He had a cook called Samuel. He worked with orphans, blended with them, served them. “I believe it was God’s plan for me to go there,” he tells me. “ It opened my eyes to what God was doing in that area. They had a hospital and school. I loved working with those children, I really did. I mean, there they were with nothing and yet they were so happy with life. I had a family, I had led a decent life yet I wasn’t as happy as these kids were. It changed my perspective on life.”

“How so?”

“That you don’t need much to be happy. You need very few possessions.”

“What do you think drew you there, to work with these children?”

“Well, I didn’t know this then, I only discovered it much later when I spoke to a therapist, but I think I wanted to do something that had nothing to do with me and my needs. I wanted to be selfless. I was running away from thinking about what I wanted and what I should have been.”

“Right.”

His contract in Migori ended after two years. He came back to the city. The city was now strange, of course. “In the village, your needs were few, you had few choices. All of a sudden I was confronted with choices, and I think choices make one miserable.” Having mobile network was a shock, he says. In the city he reconnected with a chick he had a close friendship with before Migori. They started hanging out. She got him. She was smart and had long, beautiful legs.

At the same time, he connected with and started talking to another gentleman he met online, who had also volunteered at a place called U-Turn For Christ in Kisii, another faith-based American organisation that helps young people get free from drugs and alcohol. Their website says that they are , “…a residential, non-smoking, drug and alcohol program dealing with men seeking restoration from drug and alcohol addiction through our Lord Jesus Christ.” He felt that his story and this other gentleman’s story – let’s call him Rick – echoed from the same place. They both came from relatively privileged backgrounds and they both found themselves in the remote parts of Kenya doing humanitarian work.

He says, “ I chatted with Rick for a year before we met, just sharing ideas and whatnot.”

When they finally met he realised they had so much in common, backgrounds, career, likes etc. Ricky,who was younger than him (he’s 29 now, Ricky is 27), was engaged. Later they had a double date and introduced their girlfriends. Their friendship went on smoothly.

One day they met for lunch in a café. “We were having one of the very deep conversations that we usually had. We were talking about what it takes to be a very bad person and I told him that for me honesty was key in all areas of my life and he said, ‘There are things I would never tell anyone in my life’ and it’s the way he said it that I knew that he was like me. I said, ‘ You are talking about your sexuality. You are also a homosexual.” He then asked, knowing the answer, ‘How did you know?’ I said, I just did. I felt it.”

He pauses.

“Yeah…that’s the day we both acknowledged our sexuality. It didn’t come as a surprise really but more like relief because before that, there were many subtle hints that we sensed and ignored -”

“So did you have a relationship after this revelation?”

“No, but it was relieving. We felt that our secret was out. It felt great that we had both acknowledged this.”

So they continued hanging out as couples, doing couple things like movies and dinners and things. The girls had no clue, of course. Or maybe they did but thought this was just a boy’s thing. One day Rick told told him that they had set a wedding date. “I felt rejected and uncared for. I didn’t have a right to feel like this because I had known they would get married. It had always been a topic of discussion amongst all of us, as you would talk about a wedding amongst your friends.”

The day of the wedding was difficult. He woke up with a heavy heart. He wore a swanky-ass suit he had a bought for 35K. A heartbreak suit. It was a church wedding. A beautiful church wedding. Almost everybody they knew came. He drove out with his girlfriend, who was wearing something terrific that showed off her shoulders. Ricky – up in the pulpit, waiting for the bride – looked like he was the lead in a spy movie about a man who drinks martinis and waits for his contacts in street corners, a burning cigarette lighting up his profile. A man who keeps a small pistol strapped on his leg. He said “I do.”

“I was jealous. Of course, I was jealous,” he says. “He looked extremely happy, like anyone would on their wedding. It was a very confusing moment for me. A supernatural moment.”

“Did your girlfriend not notice that something was off?” I ask.

She did, he says. And she kept asking him if he was okay and he told her that he was fine. They gathered together and took a photo, the four of them, in a garden somewhere. The cake was cut, a big cake, rising five tiers to the chandelier. Then everybody danced and although he danced, he didn’t get into the music. The music went right through him, like he was made of fog.

“Did you talk to each other during the wedding at all and what did you say?”

“He asked me at some point if I was okay. I said I was as okay as I could be,” he says. “It was awkward.”

After a while, he couldn’t take it anymore, so he went to fetch his girlfriend from where she was, holding a glass of champagne and laughing with a clutch of ladies. She finished her drink, they congratulated the newly-weds and left. It was dark outside, maybe around 9pm. He had to drop her off to her house on the other side of town. In the car she immediately blacked out and left him alone with his thoughts, following the two beams of his headlights. “I sobbed the whole way,” he says. “Looking back it seems like it was incredible grace from God that I was able to make it through that day…thinking about it…[Pause]….thinking about it….I’m sorry.” He is tearing up. I never know what to do with a crying woman, now imagine how it is with a crying man.

“It’s easy. Let’s take a break.” I tell him. He composes himself and apologises about 2,000 times, and I say, it’s fine about 2,000 times.

After the wedding the dynamics changed. “Everything got so confused,” he says. Rick’s wife got pregnant soon after. He started seeing a counsellor. “She made me face tough realizations about who I am and what I want and what I can’t have because of what I believe is right and wrong, religiously. Mostly she walked me through my feelings,” he says. “I discovered that my leaving to work in Migori was me trying to run away from confronting my sexuality. I was blocking it. I think there is need for these kinds of things to be voiced. Too many people like me are alone and hurting, thinking that there is no one like them. After a while she told me that I had to be honest with my girlfriend.”

“Were you?”

“Yeah. I told her,” he says. “She was obviously very taken aback. She was also confused about it. But this is not a conversation you have at a go, it’s a continuous conversation. She was very understanding eventually, just confused by it all. But we worked through it.”

“Did Rick have the same conversation with his wife?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says. “He had to.”

“So both these ladies know you guys are attracted to each other and yet are with them?”

“Yes.” He laughs. “I know, it’s complicated.”

“What’s their motivation to stay in these relationships then?”

“They love us, they see God’s work in us and with us,” he says so simply that I laugh, which might have been or might not have been rude.

Anyway, a year later, he took his girlfriend for a holiday to the coast and at the beach he stuck his knee in the sand and proposed to her. The sun was dropping and the ocean was restless. The beach was empty. She could have run off with her sandals in her hands and screamed in the breeze, No, you love Ricky, I want a man who loves me and only me. I’m a jealous lover. And she would have disappeared, swallowed into the sunset. Instead she said yes! The yes with an exclamation mark. Affirmative yes.

Wedding plans ensued and less than a year later, he was the spy in a swish suit at the pulpit and Rick was there in church with his wife and daughter, looking crestfallen. “I could tell he was going through the same feelings I went through when I was getting married,” he says.

“How did that make you feel?” I ask.

“I understood why he got married. It was a sense of responsibility. After the wedding we were back on the same page,” he says. They often hang out as a couple, he says, doing couple things like Sunday lunches and birthday dinners and holidays.

“Is it not awkward?” I ask.

“Not at all.”

It has been three years now.

“Are you and Ricky in a sexual relationship?” I ask.

“No. We are not. But we have deep feelings for each other,” he says. “I think some of the most poignant conversations that we have ever had were about marriage. We have gone in depth to try and understand why our world seems to place marriage as the highest relationship, and we just don’t think that is Biblical. The Bible is littered with incessant tales of people who were never married but had found their deepest relationships elsewhere. First was Christ who confided in twelve men before anyone else. There is David and Jonathan who many people believed might have had sexual relations, I personally don’t think they did but it’s explicit that they loved each other more than any of the women they were married to. Ruth and Naomi, taking vows together…so many examples, Jesus himself said, “There is no greater love than this than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend! He could have said than one’s wife. But He didn’t. We are meant to live in a community of love.”

I chew on that like a cow would chew on cud. Thoughtfully. With a glazed over look.

“What do you think God thinks of your marriage?” I ask.

“I think my marriage honors Him. It’s honest, real and loving. I sacrifice for her and vice versa. I think it’s a unique and different marriage, yes, but I also think it’s Biblical.”

He pauses. He’s still on a wave, and I don’t want to interrupt it so I let him catch his breath. “I honestly believe that we have something special, me and him, but I wish we didn’t. It’s incredibly difficult to live the way we do and we often discuss giving up. We fight with our wives, as everyone does. Things get hard, we’re selfish, they’re selfish, but we always circle back around to the distinct privilege it is that we have to live this unique life, to be called to something more than just what we want.”

“Do you enjoy heterosexual sex with your wife?” I ask.

“Well, I’m okay with it.”

“Okay with it?”

“Yeah. It’s not my preference, if I can put it that way.”

“So you do it for her, not for yourself.”

“Absolutely.”

“You want kids?”

“One day, yeah.”

“Do your parents know about your sexuality?”

“No, they don’t but lately I’ve been feeling the urge to let them know. It’s always better to have a larger support group in life.”

I want to end the conversation now because I’m tired of talking and my attention span is always an hour and a half and it’s been longer, but I have a feeling I haven’t asked many more questions. Plus he’s easy to talk to; very eloquent and inward looking, as if he’s reading from a book.

“Do you love your wife?” I ask.

“Yes. I do.”

“And what feelings do you have towards Ricky?”

“I love him. And I’m physically attracted to him.”

“So you love your wife and you love Ricky.”

“Yes.”

I sigh. “Wouldn’t it be much easier to just divorce your wives and live your lives?”

He chuckles. “Life is not supposed to be easy, we shouldn’t all choose the easy way out. Life is about sacrifice, perseverance and deliverance. I think it will be worth it at the end. I think my lesson here is that if you trust in God He will give you a way to live an abundant life.”

I honestly don’t see how, but I stay silent. This is not my forest, neither is it my monkey. Actually I don’t have a monkey here, I have a donkey, which is not even in the family of primates. I realise that I’m not equipped to understand this situation. There is so much I don’t understand, so much I will never understand but lately I have come to accept that you don’t have to understand everything in life. And more things will keep coming at me. Quick story. I was once in a subway in New York, I was coming from Harlem in the night. Standing right before me was this guy. He had on something that looked like a dress or a long shirt and pants. All black. He reminded me of the Matrix. He had a charismatic long face with sharp facial bone structure. He didn’t look male or female. He just looked like a black person. Like everybody else in the train he was on his phone as it rattled through the boroughs. At one point I was convinced he was a chick, but then when he turned and I looked at his side profile, he looked like a man, it’s how his jaw sat. He had something that could pass for a man bag but had the colour of a purse. He was beautiful but in a manly way. I didn’t want to stare. It’s rude to stare at people. And especially you don’t stare at people in New York, they will growl, “The fuck you lookin’ at?” But I couldn’t help it. I was fascinated by him. I told a friend in New York about this experience and they said “Oh, that was a They. They don’t subscribe to any gender.” I didn’t understand that. There are so many things I will never understand.

“So, what exactly is your sexual orientation?” I ask him.

“I’m a homo.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m a homosexual but in a heterosexual relationship. It means I would rather be in a homosexual relationship but I am in love with a heterosexual woman. I do it because I love her. Because of what I believe in, I have only two options; one, live celibate or two, live married to her, someone that I love.”

“What’s the plan going forward with this marriage, with your life?”

“I plan to stay married as long as I can.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yes, I am.”

“What makes you happy?”

“That I’m able to sleep at night knowing that I’m doing the right thing. I believe our marriage is more difficult for us than most marriages because of my sexuality. But everyone has their thing, we all just have to choose what thing we want to deal with in a spouse. She chose mine.”

***

Two quick things. I wrote a play called IMPERVIOUS. I think it’s a solid play. It’s showing this weekend- Friday 10th to Sunday 12th. Book and come through if you aren’t too busy. The poster is up there.

Two.

Registration for the 19th Writing Masterclass is now open. It will be – tentatively – on June 5th to 7th. To lock down a slot kindly email [email protected]

Lastly…okay, maybe there were three things…

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers reading this. You are the very lungs of this world.

254 Responses
  • shirore
    07.05.2019

    Damn!…you did it to me once again.

    5
    • Anonymous
      07.05.2019

      This is messed up though… those biblical examples… alluding to things…way out of line.

      Is it that there are no good marriages with normal problems? I’m concerned.

      42
      • Rachael Maithya
        08.05.2019

        “Something that could pass for a man bag but had the colour of a purse.” Your dalliance with words is beyond beyond ( this sounds 100% correct in my head). GREAT read, as always.

        15
      • Steve
        08.05.2019

        A great writing sir! I never knew such blogs are available in the Kenyan scope. I am a zealous follower of other such blogs such True Freedom trust and Spiritual friendship.
        Keep writing man, an keep doing what is right though not popular!
        You can check out my blog too http://thequestionofsexuality.home.blog/2019/04/20/same-sex-attracted-and-christian-episodes/

        12
      • Leen
        14.05.2019

        Wooooooah!!!
        I’m short of words.
        The wisdom that’s in this piece is mad.

    • Gladys Wangari
      07.05.2019

      I eventually managed to read this. I surely can’t try to understand their marriage. May they find peace in their innersrlf

      5
      • Mercy Kemunto
        08.05.2019

        For sure. May be that’s what they deserve.

        2
    • Velisa
      08.05.2019

      Wow…i right next to you chewing up those sagely words as he spoke.
      Good work on the migori route visualisation.

      8
      • Catherine
        08.05.2019

        Heeee!!!!

        1
      • Susan
        08.05.2019

        Awendo…and more so SONY Sugar was left out of the route!

        6
        • Elvira
          08.05.2019

          I know. Biko, how could you leave out this everlasting sugar belt, land of milk and honey? Hehehehe…the visualization of this route is great.

          2
        • Annie
          10.05.2019

          Haha… I do not share the same thoughts on the description of the route.

          1
      • Munga
        14.05.2019

        Soo confusing…but it’s alright. ‘its not my forest,not my monkey’.

        2
  • Mash
    07.05.2019

    first to comment

    1
  • Kinaga
    07.05.2019

    I’m speechless today.

    Have a great week, guys.

    34
    • Everlyne
      07.05.2019

      Wow What! That was one hell of a piece. Just referred here by a friend and am amazed. Good job Biko. Real quick..hoping to enroll in your master writing class..

      3
      • Nelly mutai
        13.05.2019

        Great piece….. I just don’t understand how the marriage works

    • Kev
      09.05.2019

      Your comment*
      School captain yr 2009.. Man you helped me get my stolen shoes… Thanks chief

      1
      • Kinaga
        15.05.2019

        Trust me. I don’t remember that. But hey! Great to e-meet you again here, many many years later!

      • RV
        19.05.2019

        Twisted. May God help them

  • Bumble Bee
    07.05.2019

    It’s okay to acknowledge that there are some things we don’t understand, and probably never will. But to live with the acknowledgement. Which is what I think most people should live by.

    It’s unfortunate to feel like you have to live up locked in sth because or held by certain chains and not live being your true self. But the path to self discovery is long and winding and meanders through and through.

    I pray you find peace, love, happiness and most importantly, yourself.

    All the best!

    49
    • Dinda
      07.05.2019

      YOLO

      2
    • Kentoz
      10.05.2019

      This comment oozes wisdom. I’ve been stuck in a loop of what to do with such stories and that they do exist. Living with the acknowledgement is satisfying.

      Great story Biko. Thank you Bumble bee (you do live up to that name)

      • Vikki
        21.05.2019

        An emotionally exhausting read. I applaud that guy for sticking to his faith and doing what’s right by God, as difficult as it is.

  • Joan
    07.05.2019

    Amazing read as always ….its fascinating just how much people go through in their private lives

    2
    • Ess
      08.05.2019

      I am amazed at his level of self control. He is torn between what he perceives to be his truth and the vows that he made. This must be tough for all of them. May he and they find peace.

      5
      • Ngugi Sam
        08.05.2019

        This is hard to understand..May he find inner peace and above all may he find himself.

  • DEBORAH SANG
    07.05.2019

    Deep conversations.

    2
    • Alex kimani
      07.05.2019

      Complicated

  • Orach
    07.05.2019

    Heavy

    7
    • Caroline
      07.05.2019

      Too heavy!

      2
    • Winnie
      07.05.2019

      “I chew on that like a cow would chew on cud. Thoughtfully”

      7
    • Kim
      07.05.2019

      Well, speechless

    • David
      07.05.2019

      Wow. Nice work here Biko. The article has spiked up so many questions in me that I need to re-read the article over and over again Keep it up. And may the God of peace and grace shine on the lives of our friends…

      2
    • Thought provoking and heavy. In more ways than one.
      Sometimes the beauty of life is in the not knowing.

      1
      • Val
        08.05.2019

        Too long

  • Sir Kev
    07.05.2019

    “er, na pia niko na dawa ya kuongeza ngufu ya kiume.”

    Ero kamano Biko

    3
  • Liz
    07.05.2019

    Believing in what is right and doing it.
    Amazing.

    10
  • Bree
    07.05.2019

    Initially (before I read to the end of the article) , I was thinking that maybe they are not homosexuals.. Like its possible to have a loving friend of the same gender that just gets you!! and you are not sexually attracted to them – just that your souls click!!

    But he says they are physically attracted to each other, and their wives are aware , and they stay in their marriages.. Im confused!! If I was either of the wives I would be out.. I dont think I would want to wait for the day he walks out to live with his other love.

    But then again, Its not my circus, not my monkey!! life is not for understanding everything..

    58
    • Tutsy wutsy
      08.05.2019

      I also don’t understand why the girlfriend married him even after he told her that he’s gay

      1
    • Lizzie
      12.05.2019

      Whatever it is all about.. I may not understand in my humanity. May the Lord who sees deep within give them victory over the human nature.
      Good work @Biko

      1
  • Dennis
    07.05.2019

    You chose her…butt is okay…

    28
    • mboiz
      08.05.2019

      i see what you did there

      6
    • Chicco
      08.05.2019

      The fuuuck?!! Omera this is some piece of writing. I dont get your ‘They’s reasoning but that also fine, sio? That type of sacrifice seems hypocritical to me…box ticking until his testosterone?(or whatever!)leads him to Rick and they leave a broth of destruction and bitterness behind (Bloody pun). And those mamas je? Hata hawo wakwende huko!! Ama Biko Zulu umeamua kutuchora? Na sio saba!! I’m out…very puzzled and definitely out.

      3
      • Mwitindia Njoroge
        10.05.2019

        ‘…but everyone has their thing, we all just have to choose what thing we want to deal with in a spouse. She chose mine.’

        I want to be you Bikozulu. I want to write like you do. Love your work. Someone here looks up to you and is so inspired…

        2
  • Nava
    07.05.2019

    This post has left me feeling all sorts of perturbed!

    19
  • Shilla
    07.05.2019

    I’m Dumbfounded!

    3
    • Bill
      07.05.2019

      A little confused with nothing to say but I wish him all the best

      1
  • Kosgei.
    07.05.2019

    It’s “pomet” then Sotik.

    5
    • Wangechi
      08.05.2019

      Exactly my thought. As the wife i would be snooping all other the place just in case they are doing things behind our backs

      5
  • Mtk Victor
    07.05.2019

    It’s okay to acknowledge that there are some things we don’t understand, and probably never will.

    7
  • RN
    07.05.2019

    I totally agree with him- it is complicated.

    5
    • CAPTain
      16.05.2019

      Good work ! These guys are going through alot, and I must uplaud the ladies on how they are managing to cope with the situation. That said, this is not my forest and the routes are totally Obscure.

  • Karimi
    07.05.2019

    Biko, write a book about chickens. You have a way of describing them that leaves us in stitches. Do.

    No other comment, thank you.

    16
    • Eugene Collins
      09.05.2019

      Thought provoking

  • Flo
    07.05.2019

    Epic read as always.
    Of importance is being able to find yourself.

    2
    • Lucas
      10.05.2019

      “As we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns—the ones we don’t know we don’t know. And if one looks throughout the history, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones”Donald Rumsfeld.This story Biko looks like it falls under Unknown Uknown.

      1
  • lily
    07.05.2019

    woooow! I lack words

    • Njeri
      08.05.2019

      Very thoughtful and deep

  • Sophia Ngugi
    07.05.2019

    Sometimes life is complex… then more complex. And many times human beings complicate life! I pity these men and the women in their lives. The society is quite homophobic so they are living how they think the society requires them to, but what about what they want?

    11
  • Ditto
    07.05.2019

    Story of my life. I hate my life every morning when I wake up.

    10
    • Tyler
      07.05.2019

      I think that the point of this is that you don’t do that in silence. Go out and seek someone you trust and express why you feel this way in the most honest way that you can. Support system in honesty is what they’re getting at. Hope this helps 🙂

    • Eugine
      07.05.2019

      You want to have a discreet conversation about it?

      2
    • Still, your life is worth living. Hang in there.

      3
    • Lena
      09.05.2019

      Hey…don’t do it alone, I am here if you need to talk.

  • Sherlyne Ashley
    07.05.2019

    I’m confused! Very very confused…

    1
    • vinny
      09.05.2019

      its life,,and whatever makes it interesting

  • B
    07.05.2019

    Wow……
    That’s all i can say.

    1
  • Dee
    07.05.2019

    Sometimes, we know who we really are but are okay with what we have. Being happy is relative and at times, we find happiness in things besides us, not in us negating the popular phrase, “Happiness is an inside job” .. A very thought provoking read.

    8
  • Jerono
    07.05.2019

    Quite profound.

  • Gocho
    07.05.2019

    That’s some typa way to live. I can only imagine the level of confusion that begets them sometime. But love wins at the end.

    3
  • Camper the ghost
    07.05.2019

    Don’t know what to say or feel

    • Tripple M
      08.05.2019

      This mans needs serious counselling and total deliverance.Raised in a church ,dont be ignorant of what God hates.remember the case of sodom and gomorrah.May God deliver you.Nice reading

      4
      • Alan
        08.05.2019

        Okay. So what is it God Hates? They’re not acting on their temptations?

        2
  • Hchao
    07.05.2019

    Thank you for the Mother’s day wish, my first…

    Deep story! I don’t need to understand it either…

    3
  • Dee
    07.05.2019

    Biko, you wrote this story shallowly. I think you were afraid to put yourself totally in his shoes and then give us the story as you always do. It’s totally understandable. Anyway….
    Anonymous darling, I’m happy for you. In fact I envy you for finding two loves and a marriage. What’s wrong with having your cake and eating it? I hope one day you get at least to kiss him.
    Most importantly, never judge yourself.

    40
    • Tesh
      07.05.2019

      Life is strange in my opinion this men are not OK and they will never be until they are together meanwhile the women have to put up with it

      4
    • Jen
      07.05.2019

      I agree about the shallow part. Coz Biko has a way of getting into a person and bringing out a story. Maybe he was afraid of what he may find there… I don’t know

      13
    • HildahD
      07.05.2019

      Yeah, Biko does sound shallow on this one, he even took us on a seven hour journey with all the stops included.

      I feel like if they ever get to kiss then their marriages will be over.

      5
    • mufasa
      08.05.2019

      The kissing part is long overdue…..or probably it has already happened. Biko should have asked that!

      3
      • Dee
        08.05.2019

        Biko didn’t want to engage the gear… it is long overdue. how else would they know

    • Lena
      09.05.2019

      I guess just like a majority of us, unchartered terrains are not easy to navigate. I cut you some slack Biko.

      4
  • Anne
    07.05.2019

    The day that they have coitus, is the day they will leave their wives and live together. Wishing them happiness.

    5
    • Mauryn
      08.05.2019

      this was my thought..

  • Nyarchula
    07.05.2019

    ero yath teko chuo bee an go lol, atho! Love is love, go for it, I think you and ricky should be together 🙂

    1
  • Eric
    07.05.2019

    The story is not ended yet, We all know how it will end.

    3
  • NIMO
    07.05.2019

    So many things I will never understand either……..

    • Czar Okoth
      08.05.2019

      The bible analogies don’t sound right, everyone has their own struggles that they would like to make more sense of, going into the bible to try and justify the ‘demons’ one is fighting, not right,
      The Migori trip visualisation is just epic!

      4
  • Val Murrey
    07.05.2019

    I like that he thinks the situation is OK for now. I like it that all parties seem content with the acknowledgement of homosexuality. But please, I dare you to mark my comment: There is a reason why you ‘ cannot have your cake and eat it too’. The human emotions are dynamic. The hierarchy of needs take a shift as life progresses. Somewhere in his mid 30s to mid 40s. Either parties shall have a conversation that will open their eyes on why the practicality of this arrangement will not last forever. I wish them love and light, life is so mystical.

    11
    • Ricky
      07.05.2019

      I disagree. God is in control of even our emotions when we submit to Him and love transforms all with a willing spirit. Love to you as well!

      -Ricky 🙂

      10
      • Mauryn
        08.05.2019

        Are you the Ricky in this story by any chance?

        1
        • mufasa
          08.05.2019

          Hahahahaha…wondering the same

          • Jack Peter
            11.05.2019

            Your comment*Guys, had the same thought too but then, that’s all the work of the evil one.

        • Ricky
          08.05.2019

          That I am. And proud of it

          4
          • Cheruto Siow
            09.05.2019

            9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
            11And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

    • Tabz
      07.05.2019

      Wow, anyway love is love, and love will always find a way..

  • GingerRain
    07.05.2019

    Wah! I ‘m at sea with this one…

  • “What do you think God thinks of your marriage?” I ask.

    “I think my marriage honors Him. It’s honest, real and loving. I sacrifice for her and vice versa. I think it’s a unique and different marriage, yes, but I also think it’s Biblical.”

    This is my favourite story in this series. It hasn’t elicited the usual annoyance, instead it has been a soothing tale to read about. There has been an honesty, sacrifice and honor that is as beautiful as a calming fountain beside still waters.
    Not everything is about the flesh, and when one honors God by putting Him first in everything, God is sure to honor them right back. In this world and the one that is yet to come.

    25
    • Val Murrey
      07.05.2019

      I like that part too. But there is something Kumbayah about his sentiments that make you wonder if the other parties (the wives especially) are in the same page.

      2
      • Ricky
        07.05.2019

        The wives have been wonders and our champions throughout this. No greater love…

        4
        • Val Murrey
          14.05.2019

          I am flattered that you answered 2 of my comments. Did I strike a nerve Ricky? 🙂 It may not seem like it but I really do not mind your situation. I am very liberal in my thinking and I trully wish y’all the best <3

  • Brendan
    07.05.2019

    Ever heard of the story “having your cake and eating eat too? ” Am slow to judge but bringing God in this mix is kinda of fishy and selfish.

    6
    • Caleen
      07.05.2019

      My thoughts, especially if he was brought up in an SDS setting. But this is new, totally not understood

    • Tripple M
      08.05.2019

      Tottaly agree

    • Wambui
      08.05.2019

      I think God wants us to include Him in our lives in all its rawness.

      3
    • Mtk Victor
      08.05.2019

      Of all the English phrases, I have never understood this one….whats the point of having cake if you cant eat it?
      I always thought it should have been “you cant eat your cake and still have it”

      3
      • Ruthie
        08.05.2019

        Haha…..you must love cake. Anywayit means exactly that. You can’t eat your cake and still love it.

  • Paul Koigi
    07.05.2019

    Migori is a nice place. And I spent an evening with Maroon Commandos at Stella, why they play twice a week.

    2
  • Kahway
    07.05.2019

    This man sounds confused.

    1
  • Mama Mia
    07.05.2019

    No story has the same ending. We all flip through the chapters of our lives. I hear we unearth our true meaning and purpose in life at 40. Maybe the narrative will be different for Mr. Anonymous.

    2
    • Stacy
      07.05.2019

      Biko, you are my favourite writer!

      About this story/article… I have no feelings towards this article. The lines about the journey and the chickens have more feeling than the man’s story . Normally, your articles, even if it’s just a short Instagram post about shoes, evoke some sort of emotion.

      Homosexuality is a strange topic, especially in Kenya but I think you could have made us understand this man better.( You made us feel forgiving towards a former armed robber). It almost feels like you typed a transcript of your conversation rather than tell us his story.

      Anyways, this is a strange story but if the formula works for both couples, good for them.

      24
      • Jen
        07.05.2019

        I agree. We haven’t heard the guy’s story

        2
      • Dee
        08.05.2019

        I think this story scared Biko and the guy being an SDA made it too close to home.

        2
      • Wanjy
        09.05.2019

        So right. I think Biko wasn’t very comfortable telling or even hearing this story…
        To all four individuals, I wish them well.

        1
  • Ian
    07.05.2019

    Well this…. This is new …

    3
  • Wanjiku
    07.05.2019

    Well…
    At least the wives don’t have to sneak to the husbands’ phone digging out possible slay queens in their husbands lives.
    And I am sure its not easy for the Husbands to woo slay kings.

    1
    • Casper the ghost
      07.05.2019

      I don’t which is worse, a slay queen or a potential gay lover….

      • Kiome GM
        09.05.2019

        A slay queen is a lesser evil for me. And both are not good

    • Njeri
      07.05.2019

      And it keeps getting weird everyday,,,,, this life

      2
    • Astrid
      07.05.2019

      everyone has their thing, we all just have to choose what thing we want to deal with in a spouse

      1
    • Dee
      08.05.2019

      this is an easier struggle

  • Njeri
    07.05.2019

    I am very confused..very confused

    1
  • Moe
    07.05.2019

    I actually think i understand, this is my forest and my monkey(i have no idea what this means but it sounds smart and i like it).

    1
  • AtiiDee
    07.05.2019

    Critically deep. Let love always prevail.

  • Lizzy
    07.05.2019

    It is okay… life is not for understanding everything… Though most of us are prisoners of selves who never find ourselves we live chained and suppress emotions and feelings that finally blow up … We live in fear of what other people are going to think about us once they really know us. Yet its surprising that there will always be a support system to help us get to back to our feet once we let go of the chains that are binding us…. This frees the spirit …

    She truly loves him…. he loves her and him … he believes in the biblical ways of marriage… though his feelings and emotions are communicating ……. may he find himself…may he find true happiness in the midst of all this.He is a bold man to share his story…. It is okay… life is not for understanding everything

    10
  • Val
    07.05.2019

    I felt the anguish in the familiar forbidden love category. But having it reciprocated till now is on another level of agony. I don’t know. Sorry to all involved. This one is for the higher powers.

    1
    • Iman
      08.05.2019

      How did it feel saying your vows and knowing what you were getting into?the willpower it must have taken to stand there with a smile and not break down and cry.
      So many questions…

      1
  • carol memo
    07.05.2019

    Three things:
    1.) Wachana na sisis watu wa Pomet
    2.) Very eye opening and interesting
    3.) Will God give me the grace to handle a gay man if i get married to one?
    Thank you for acknowledging that we are the lungs.

    3
    • Chemarus
      08.05.2019

      No.3 has been my quiz too.. I don’t know what I’d do if l found myself in such..
      And being raised in achristian setup,even makes it more complicated and worse

      And Biko gets to Sotik from Narok then to Pometh haha

      1
  • Caleen
    07.05.2019

    And that is life! waaah! This left me totally confused!

  • Agrippina
    07.05.2019

    This is quite the cross to carry but the ladies chose them. Indeed love can only be experienced not understood or explained.
    Life is a mystery.

    2
  • LEXI
    07.05.2019

    No wonder the website went down.
    The sanitization of it all.& inserting the Church to push your agenda?????????
    I doubt this story is even real, but if it is, I pray that people loved themselves enough no to accept average lives..Like if your boyfriend tells you he’s in love with another person (and a MAN at that) and you still marry them!!!!!!
    Finally no straight person ever feels the need to walk in a room and announce they’re straight…wonder why the alphabetical order community always feel the need to pronounce their sexual orientation.

    8
    • Machaa
      08.05.2019

      Reading the comments, it feels like the entire gay bandwagon has been unleashed on poor Bikozuluians and is on a commenting party to lecture us on gay sex. WE ARE NOT BOARDING!!!! Yak

      5
  • Kanaka
    07.05.2019

    Yes so many things that i too will never understand..this here has left me speechless..such is life..sigh..

  • Cax
    07.05.2019

    There is so much that’s unknown regarding sexuality. I wouldn’t throw stones or those really hurting quips. Who knows if it’s genetic, or the norm? There is copious confusion or just plenty of waddling in the murky gutters which is what I think is happening to these two guys. I hope their wives are happy.and I hope the wives won’t be hurt when eventually these guys can’t keep off each other.

    4
    • Muthoni M
      11.05.2019

      Me too. I don’t know much and this topic gets confusing ,I don’t know whether for some it’s a choice or for others it’s genetical, all I know is that hate is a horrible choice.

      2
  • michael Gaitho kinuthia
    07.05.2019

    How is that guy happily married?..i mean i get he loves the girl and what not but what about his physical attraction to….another guy?…i thought the physical attraction contituted the whole ‘happily married’ concept!.poor thingy.

  • DK
    07.05.2019

    Should we worried that Mr. Anonymous here was working with vulnerable boys in Migori?

    5
    • Dee
      08.05.2019

      I didn’t know that being gay is synonymous with being a pedophile. DK give us a break please!

      12
      • Wanjy
        09.05.2019

        I find it strange that people, all the time, go against God’s commands and then go and chastise others…it’s sad that suddenly because a man is gay now you are worried about the children in Migori…when a man/woman is adulterous (which goes against the 7th commandment) do you go around fearing for your daughters and sons ….

        3
    • Wambui
      09.05.2019

      My exact sentiment when I reached that part of being a homosexual.

      1
  • Jaykeen
    07.05.2019

    Lakini hii dunia man. How does God handle all these issues

    7
  • Nancy
    07.05.2019

    Biko, Wa! Complicated story. I love his honesty and choosing to live a Godly life albeit his emotions.
    2. The story will change after they are 40. (When life begins) Hubbies n wives will want a ‘Real life’. The men will hv coitus… Interview him then.
    3. After reading this series, I want to have a candid talk with my 17 year old Son. Just incase he’s trapped, I want to be his support system.
    4. Thanks for taking me thro the experiential bus ride to Migori… Ve laughed in a public place pple think am crazy. What’s the smell of old socks and eggs… Lolloest..

    Great piece. I like the guy’s honesty.

    9
    • Kadonye
      09.05.2019

      You’re a fantastic parent

  • Elizabeth
    07.05.2019

    Did anyone notice ‘sigisti Bob’ Just before we arrived in Migori?
    I repeated the read mainly because of the biblical stories…..

    2
  • Jen
    07.05.2019

    Eeeem…. For some reason, I knew it would not take a long time before you found a homosexual who is willing to share his story with you… Heavy stuff though!

  • Benjaps
    07.05.2019

    Eh, I don’t have problems owada! Let me get up and go to work.

    4
  • MoU
    07.05.2019

    Wueeh!! I have mixed reactions on this one. As for the flow of the story… perfectly jotted down!

  • Shiroh
    07.05.2019

    Wow! I am speechless!

  • Dottie
    07.05.2019

    This is exactly like a series called Grace& Frankie on Netflix

    4
  • Dottie
    07.05.2019

    @Biko to understand them please watch Grace &Frankie on Netflix & I challenge you to do so

    2
  • Antony
    07.05.2019

    I’ve been wondering when you’ll join this wagon. I see you’ve taken a tentative step. You’ll be bolder next time. By the time you do your third piece you’ll be mainstreaming it like sports gambling.

  • Hellen
    07.05.2019

    I had to pause, mull then go back to reading again. A great enlightening piece.

    1
  • Faras
    07.05.2019

    The fellow has a spiritual problem. He should go to SCOAN strictly with his wife, NOT his buddy and have God deliver him from the power of darkness.
    The reason most people are confused by the situation, is because it ought NOT to be so – baffling !
    It is like being smart, hardworking and honest, yet people distrust and dislike you. Which implies you will face hardships in your career or business, until you decide to take the bull by its horns – spiritual warfare. Then you might discover who did this to you …..
    Unless he goes for deliverance, death awaits him and his family in more ways than one – chukua control – go for deliverance from demonic oppression.

    3
    • Kadonye
      09.05.2019

      You’re the ‘hell fire & brimstone’ type of christians that I don’t like

      2
    • Marakech
      09.05.2019

      I second a 100%

      I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.
      Romans 12:1‭-‬2 KJVA

      These are the things that our minds has to be renewed from to see things the way Christ sees them. Just this morning I was thinking of how many people esp the ones wanting to rise up in positions of servanthood are trapped in sexual sin because the enemy has found a very easy way to keep them locked up.

      I struggled with such just when I wanted to serve but as I dug my heels in that madness departed. They need to go for deliverance and take to studying the word with the help of the Holy Spirit and they will be free. Otherwise you can’t play with fire and not get burnt, this is a timebomb.

      I have given my advice because they seem to genuinely want to walk in the will of God and homosexuality is not the will of the God of the Bible.

      1
  • Gee
    07.05.2019

    I ticking time bomb..being the paranoid person I am I cannot be understanding and patient as the wives are

  • Karis
    07.05.2019

    OF IMPORTANCE IS LIFE.

    1
  • Everlyne
    07.05.2019

    Wow What! That was one hell of a piece. Just referred here by a friend and am amazed. Good job Biko. Real quick..hoping to enroll in your master writing class..

  • Ben
    07.05.2019

    Well. I read this before noon and then I didn’t understand what this is all about. Thought about it the whole day and still, I’m totally confused. They found good wives. And it’s even better that they made them know.

  • Munyori munyori
    07.05.2019

    Ngai…!

    1
  • senorita
    07.05.2019

    First, It is the first time I read a flat story from you…This is boring Biko. I yawned. Why I love emotions and drama….Like tell us does the man think of the other man when making love to his wife,
    Secondly, It must hurt the woman more to know that the man makes love to her as a duty not because he wants her,,,Id divorce him personally,,,a woman is all about driving her man crazy with want and desire.
    Thirdly, if the wife knows how much the man has sacrificed c’mmon she can let him have some.

    1
  • Jay
    07.05.2019

    “This is not my forest, neither is it my monkey. Actually I don’t have a monkey here, I have a donkey, which is not even in the family of primates.” I love this language

    3
  • Nyox
    07.05.2019

    The lid is coming off Pandora’s box. We are tentatively dipping our feet into this forbidden subject. My only concern is how far and how deep do wish to go? Are we ready to take the plunge and deal with the ramifications or the lack thereof?

    2
    • Wargez
      08.05.2019

      From the Gender x newyorker to this story.. The world is totally confusing. If only someone could explain everything perfectly to me.
      Let’s just wait for aliens

      1
  • AKN
    07.05.2019

    First time commenting…..and I’ve been here quite a while. Waaaa!!! This was a heavy read!! And my heart goes out to the gentlemen…more so because they have chosen to become scapegoats at the expense of who they really are.
    Last but not least….reading the article was overwhelming enough…so you can imagine engaging this guy, try to make sense of his life & then bring to life his story here.
    I doubt this was an easy piece to write….If anything, complicated comes to mind.
    Thumbs up Biko.

    1
  • Tabbie
    07.05.2019

    Wow,anyway love is love and love will always find a way

  • Doreen
    07.05.2019

    Being happy is Paramount, he’s happy……never been to migori but,I think I know migori now

  • Purplebird
    07.05.2019

    Life is made up of sacrifices with the aim of achieving happiness. I like this guy, there are very few honest ones like him left. I feel his situation is awkward but the fact that society in so many ways defines our decisions, his decision to be a homosexual but in a heterosexual relationship maybe as a result of the expectation of society for this man but more especially because he is a selfless loving man.

    1
  • Machaa
    07.05.2019

    Well..well…welll
    For as a guy fascinated by a curvaceous girls, big boobs, big booties, nice soft and hair… gel finger nails, this is the most unp6alatable story I have had to bear reading in this blog…. Somehow felt like am being brainwashed to view homosexuality differently….well,..
    How does a guy see another guy and think about their ass. Pthooo

    4
  • Mercy
    07.05.2019

    Now now now…mmmh, this is a break from what this series has been offering-men in working marriages and men in marriages that are not working. Now this falls in the third category of men in complicated marriages which are working. Is there a new category that is going to emerge?????? Let’s wait and see. As for this guy, he is at peace and happy because he has accepted his situation.

    1
  • chichi koyo
    07.05.2019

    I was left dumb founded for a while not knowing what to really even expect!Anyway it’s important to find self and thanks to Jesus he chose to stay to his wife !That’s better a sacrifice worth it, I applaud him!

    Biko you are such a great writer!

    1
  • Alvin
    07.05.2019

    Living a lie to please the society.
    There’s something that this guy is not telling us in this story. He’s simply confusing us with the marriage narrative so that we can turn a blind eye on who he really is.
    In this city, the number of gay men in heterosexual relationships & even marriage is astonishing. His story isn’t unique. I think time is nigh for the discussions around same-gender rlnshps to be discussed in these parts of the world.
    Finally, NO sane woman would ever marry a gay man knowingly.
    And God, don’t we always tag Him even where we are not supposed to??

    3
  • wahito
    07.05.2019

    Self awareness is such an important part of living this life. At least he acknowledges and is aware of all facets of his complicated being.

    1
  • HildahD
    08.05.2019

    I don’t feel confused. I would totally be into that kind of relationship, maybe their wives are too. Wishing them happiness and fulfilment.

    Ion, I have never heard of your writing of a play, Biko, Amazing! *claps*

    2
    • Dee
      08.05.2019

      It is an easier struggle, better than the shit our men put us through everyday.

      2
  • Mklove
    08.05.2019

    This is beautiful. I wish you all, all the best. Keep doing what is right.. the HS will help. Besides.. everybody has that thorn in the flesh.. it’s not easy.. but it’s not always that the right thing is the easiest to do. Bless ya!

    3
  • jacob aliet
    08.05.2019

    I think he is bi. But this is neither my forest nor my monkey yo.

    1
  • Gacoki
    08.05.2019

    Sanitisation… confusion…wueh!

  • Iam Xhara
    08.05.2019

    Humans are indeed strange. Each to their own battles. What will happen when they are 60 and looking back at life. Will they have regrets and what ifs. And the wives are they content that the the homosexuals chose them over each other. Don’t they fear that one day the emotions and feelings of their spouses will win and they will be dumped…. ..

    • Wangechi
      08.05.2019

      Exactly my thought. As the wife i would be snooping all other the place just in case they are doing things behind our backs

  • Robert
    08.05.2019

    wah, this is complication in its own definition

  • J
    08.05.2019

    A story so close to home. That I was married to a gay man for 10 years. I didnt know he was a homosexual, He kept secrets and never ever slept with me. Except maybe like once a year. He left one day with his suitcases and left three broken hearted people behind . Me and my kids. Now he s back to the catholic church where he was when I met him, my kids are on antidepressants and wonder what they did to make him leave. I dont know if he did right , but I know to find his peace he had to destroy three lives.

    3
    • Wangechi
      08.05.2019

      I dont understand why they have to stay in marriages so as to do what is ‘right’. What is right is choosing your own happiness. What is right is letting those women marry people who are sexually attracted to them. What is right is acknowledging that you only live once and living each day the best you can. There is nothing wrong with being different. Sacrificing all your life for the sake of society’s view of right and wrong is not worth it, and truth is, someone’s gonna get hurt by the end of the day. My close relative is homo, he married thrice and divorsed all three wives trying to do what is ‘right’. Now he is homo full time at 56, fatherless children all over the place. If he only had two options, he should go celibate

      2
      • Machaa
        08.05.2019

        Reading the comments, it feels like the entire gay bandwagon has been unleashed on poor Bikozuluians and is on a commenting party to lecture us on gay sex. WE ARE NOT BOARDING!!!! Yak

        1
    • Vinny
      08.05.2019

      oh my God,am so sorry for you darling.but i believe no one should destroy others’ lives in order to find peace,,,if u cant bring an end to your demons, atleast dont bring other people to be destroyed by them too,,its another height of selfishness

      1
  • Rachael Maithya
    08.05.2019

    “Something that could pass for a man bag but had the colour of a purse.” Your dalliance with words is beyond beyond ( this sounds 100% correct in my head). GREAT read, as always.

    1
  • Nganga
    08.05.2019

    Great

  • Eunice
    08.05.2019

    Wow! This is complicated….

    • Machaa
      08.05.2019

      Reading the comments, it feels like the entire gay bandwagon has been unleashed on poor Bikozuluians and is on a commenting party to lecture us on gay sex. WE ARE NOT BOARDING!!!! Yak

      2
  • Munyambu
    08.05.2019

    First, for the 1st time in is it 9yrs of reading this blog, I felt nothing. You’ve made us laugh, cry, etc etc reading your posts but this one…something is missing. Like you didn’t tell his whole story, like you didn’t want to go deeper…I don’t know. Heck the description of the journey to Migori was the best part.
    Second, I just wonder how the wives are okay with the whole situation. These guys will probably one day wake up and decide to have their happily ever after..hii ni ngumu kidogo aki.

    2
    • Clifford
      08.05.2019

      All stories have the “read between the lines” part. This is no exception. There is a lot not said/written here.

      1
  • Kami
    08.05.2019

    Wah… May God walk with them.

  • Double H
    08.05.2019

    Religion and sexuality, My church (Catholic) has been hiding and avoiding this topic until it became rampant. Am not fighting religion,at the same time am not a supporter of gays,lesbians, bestiality or other form of sexuality which is not heterosexual. But that’s my forest,different monkeys inhabits my forest. What is denominations doing about it,do they know the evil happening on seminarians? Why did we lose the original intentions of churches,mosques,temples and holy grounds which were respected?

    1
  • Vinny
    08.05.2019

    its okay to not understand ,,its okay to want to find meaning,,,my only hope,,,that he eventually finds peace

  • Nobluz
    08.05.2019

    Whoaa!….I’m very confused…on the other hand, we should honor our lungs.

    • Linda
      09.05.2019

      I wouldn’t want to be in your position Biko, writing this story. See now, you had to be all diplomatic and stuff.

      Anyhu, not my forest, clearly not a monkey.

      But surely, how could the wives stay, unless they too are on some homosexual arrangement. We cannot be unequally yoked!. I don’t think any reference to the Bible by this guy makes sense at all.

      I hate to think that this text will inspire someone to think its okay doing this

    • Laura
      09.05.2019

      Imagine sleeping with someone that’s not sexually attracted to you and it’s a known between both parties. I doubt if the wife has ever been limwad a good one and when she eventually is!! It’ll all be over and when the man finally tastes what he’s attracted to!!! It’s inevitable. They’re all just naive.
      Also is marriage a must? Even the bible says marriage is not for everyone. And who says life has to be hard!!!! Whose feeding us this narrative of suffering as a norm?

      2
  • CNG
    08.05.2019

    I have come to accept that you don’t have to understand everything in life.

    I totally agree Biko.

  • Mwash
    08.05.2019

    This guy is homo. Ricky is “Bi”….and while at it, since I also don’t understand this matrix, who is the she of the two? And doesn’t Ricky’s wife know or care?

    • Anna
      09.05.2019

      My thoughts to!!! Ricky was going to get married wether it hurt him or not. Ricky also already has a kid

  • Dottie
    08.05.2019

    Wow!
    1. An amazing story. Can’t start to imagine what it’s like to be in such a relationship. May they find more love and peace in their marriage as they strive to make it work.
    2. Thank you Biko for the Mothers’ Day wishes.

  • TW
    08.05.2019

    This is profound. Many people including women are trapped in their sexuality

  • Darlene
    08.05.2019

    So i was confused as to how that story changed from church & humanity to sexual orientation then finishing it am more than confused now.

    oh well some things we will never understand.

  • DourtyOyugi
    08.05.2019

    “Behind Closed Doors “

  • babayao
    08.05.2019

    One of the least interesting articles

  • wanjirumk
    08.05.2019

    Are you happy?”

    “Yes, I am.”

    “What makes you happy?”

    “That I’m able to sleep at night knowing that I’m doing the right thing. I believe our marriage is more difficult for us than most marriages because of my sexuality. But everyone has their thing, we all just have to choose what thing we want to deal with in a spouse. She chose mine.”

    He is happy,well am happy for him.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers reading this. You are the very lungs of this world.

    Thank you Biko,tomorrow 9th May happens to be my bday too.

  • Nancy
    08.05.2019

    Totally lost me in that forest. Hmm…….

  • Risper
    08.05.2019

    Wueh! At first i had nothing to say, until where your guy felt he had to justify his actions through the bible. What he fails to mention in all his ludicrous examples, is that the same bible the categorically warns against homosexuality:

    1. Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed for homosexuality. Read Jude Verse: 7 as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the [a]vengeance of eternal fire.

    2. You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination – Leviticus 18:22

    3. If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.
    They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. – Leviticus 20:13

    4. Romans 1:18-32 18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who [a]suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because what may be known of God is [b]manifest [c]in them, for God has shown it to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and [d]Godhead, so that they are without excuse, 21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like [e]corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.
    24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
    26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their [f]women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the [g]men, leaving the natural use of the [h]woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
    28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, [i]sexual immorality, wickedness, [j]covetousness, [k]maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 [l] undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, [m]unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.

    5. 1st Corinthians 6:9-10: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor [b]homosexuals, nor [c]sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

    6. 1st Timothy 1:8-10 8 We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. 9 We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine

    It is unfortunate that people want to do all kinds of sin, but dragging a God who calls it sin into it is just going a tad bit too far. Nowhere were Jonathan and David even insinuated to be gay. However God has categorically and in various scriptures as outlined above stated that anyone practicing homosexuality is living in sin. Please keep the Lord out of your insinuations and sinful tendencies, s you know what awaits you should you continue down this road.
    Piece if advise, allow the Lord to search your heart, and you will get to know his.

    8
    • WanjikuWaNgigi
      10.05.2019

      I don’t believe that God creates us in a certain way, but wants us to live the way he didn’t create us. You cannot really think that guy wants to be gay or be attracted to men. HE WAS BORN THAT WAY. Our society and mainly the unforgiving Christian religion we practice makes these people live miserably. You have no idea how deeply unhappy he is because he settled, He settled for a woman and he didn’t have to when he had met a man he loves. Ask anyone who married someone they didn’t want.
      Secondly, Homosexuality is not even mentioned in the 10 commandments. Yet Adultery and Fornication, Killing and Stealing are. You will stand in the rooftops condeming an innocent man for his attractions yet sit in the church piers and be ministered to by thieves and murderers not to mention the leaders we choose. I feel this is the height of hipocrisy how you quote so many verses, making a man who feels that he is a sinner because of desires he cannot control and you don’t do the same for the fornicators and adulterors who have been featured on this forum time and again.
      SHAME ON YOU! SHAME! This man has denied himself to uphold these same verses that you use to condemn him. You are not God. And Jesus said Love covers a multitued of Sin. His Love for Ricky, covers that seen which you see. We say we are Christians but can’t even follow the simplest teaching of Christ.
      You have no right to sit in Judgement of what this guy is doing with his life, Oh Holy One. If we were more practising Christians that Bible quoting quacks, you would be more compassionate in your view of this man

      5
      • Syokau
        10.05.2019

        True, its sad how many people are using scriptures to judge him when they themselves are not able to follow the same scripture to the letter. No one has the right to judge him. I look at the life of Jesus and his thought process was very unconventional. God loves us all and may he walk with you Ricky, praying that you will be victorious.

  • Salome Wandui
    08.05.2019

    A bit confusing for most ‘men’ but I like how confident this guy is in his own convictions.

  • Agal
    08.05.2019

    @Biko nyc read always having your way with words ….i luv. Many marriages fail because of hidden past secrets …I luv the disclosure in this …..let your partner know and make a choice so tht it would never be a blame game in future …many pple hide their sexuality , Let guys be real.

    2
  • Thorn Muigwa
    08.05.2019

    Am not homophobic but,why are they hiding behind marriages. With this confusion and they are raising kids will just create more complications. Truly i dont have to understand everything in life like how south africa is hosting mr Gay world.
    But using the Bible to justify some actions is very wrong…Am not boarding on this ndingehota….
    Am more confused

    2
    • Lykay
      09.05.2019

      Look at you decorating my sir name.

  • SAL
    08.05.2019

    The perplexities of life.The kind of stuff that leaves one’s mind with instability issues.

    You cannot change manufacturer’s settings.

  • Cherry Jos
    08.05.2019

    Am confused! this is strange

  • Caren
    08.05.2019

    Kamis
    Thank you Biko

    1
  • cjcaro
    08.05.2019

    Woooh.. what in gods’ name is this!!

  • Gingermay
    08.05.2019

    This is clearly not my forest but,
    The magic of Biko’s writing lies in what’s unsaid/unwritten,
    What you read between the lines and the gap between.
    I definitely want to hear how this story plays out in about 10 years.
    In other news, congratulations on your play Biko!

  • Emma
    09.05.2019

    Awesome read as always. It’s a story of what love can concur and true sacrifice in marriage and a search for God’s guidance in the face of such confusion and the fact that they have confronted this with such wisdom instead of succumbing to their flesh is a breath of fresh air and shows a commitment to God and their vows. Hope they find the answers they need.

    Biko kindly bring your play to the little theatre in Mombasa would love to watch it but distance will be the hindrance. Also have one masterclass in Mombasa……

    2
    • Mukami Muigai
      09.05.2019

      Given a chance to conform or live in one’s lane, some if not all would want to conform.
      So let Rick relax and please the f*****g society.
      Seeing you sign Drunk for a Client felt great though.

  • Linaca
    09.05.2019

    So deep!
    It’s amazing what love can make one do, only if we forget about everyone else and just follow true love!

    1
  • Wambui Mukabi
    09.05.2019

    Self-control, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And he is doing what he is doing for LOVE. Not many would carry that cross but he is and all I can do is say a prayer for him. That he finds grace to live each day the path chosen for him.

  • Lena
    09.05.2019

    In summary, love triumphs.

    Biko, i beg for another interview, but this time, usiende Pomet saaana…I want to know more, their mind, processes, their perception of life, love, fulfillment, their fears, triumphs….

    2
  • abdullah omar
    09.05.2019

    i cannot see the wood for the forest.

  • Chicky
    09.05.2019

    Am not being homophobic but Why are the wives staying in this marriage?? I can imagine the confusion in their children’S lives. Anyways, who am I to judge

  • Ed
    09.05.2019

    Never been to Migori, infact nimefika Kisumu only that’s 2011. But now I have arrived at Migori, Biko please send m fare nirudi Nairobi please.
    All in all, moral of the story: you don’t have to understand everything in life. It’s not a book. What a story!!

  • Ken Kago
    09.05.2019

    I guess everybody has moved on and looking forward to next Tuesday. And so while most jostle for first-to-comment position, perhaps this will be the last! So I start ‘last to comment….”
    But my two-cents’ worth; one can quote all known or memorised Scripture verses they want, but they can’t force Scripture to justify their muddled choices, selfish actions, what have you!
    There ISN’T God in this confusion!
    Not to take away Biko’s masterful story-telling! Clearly, everything is a story, but I perhaps understand why your attention span is one-and-a-half hours! What with some of the tales!

    1
  • MJ
    09.05.2019

    Very many of us in this generation had a similar childhood, marinated in that church-y vibe for like the first 18 years of your life. That’s why we are so conflicted, and anything in you that does not follow the script that was drummed into our developing minds has to be ruthlessly repressed until it gets too big to contain and you burst at the seams. Once you reach this watershed you may have the opportunity to rebuild the pieces differently, but only if the old you is completely destroyed.

    2
  • kerubo
    09.05.2019

    I felt like i was in that bus to Migori.

    Great just great

  • Gilbert Mwangi
    09.05.2019

    Man! This is profound. Too profound.

  • Elvira
    09.05.2019

    Complicated!

  • Irene
    09.05.2019

    Biko, I must be the last one reading and commenting this week. Gosh! The wives know but still bought into being married to these men!!! I am confused. Not my monkey, not my forest. May be I should just worry for this women in their lives. Thankfully, I am single, I wouldn’t put up with such a lie in a relationship. Gosh!

    • Omondi
      12.05.2019

      Irene, am curious what is the lie in the relationship? What would their alternative be for any of them? They love each other and are willing to sacrifice for one another. Am not seeing the issue?

      1
  • Irene
    09.05.2019

    And Biko, I also know of a married gay man, he has never had kids, I think he practices his sexuality, I also don’t think he has told his wife, he doesn’t know I suspected, God help us! They marry and put up with heterosexual relationships??!!! OMG

  • Muthoni
    10.05.2019

    This is quite inspiring. The amount of self reflection required to draw this line and be truthful with those involved is outstanding. I hope this guy knows the amount of respect he has earned. It’s not easy and it won’t get any easier. I hope he keeps his focus on God, that’s all he needs.

    Plus I found something to assist those in a similar position. Check this website out and for those with family members in such a situation or those who need to understand, I hope this helps.
    livingout.org

  • Joy Makena
    10.05.2019

    How did the dudes just connect? How did he learn about his sexuality? Didn’t someone introduce him to it? So many questions in my head, am out

    1
  • Dr. Hildah
    11.05.2019

    This was a heavy story. May no one ever find themselves married to someone of a different sexual orientation.

  • Bril
    11.05.2019

    I read this with an AUCH!

  • Mercy
    11.05.2019

    WOW…I know feel i can share my story..I loved this

  • Eve
    13.05.2019

    I thought a lot about Biko while reading this story. Were they facing each other? Was Biko shifting in his seat? Did he get suddenly self-conscious? lol.. or were they two men.. facing one direction – making only ear-contact…lol…if that makes sense.

    Such a read!

  • Caroline
    13.05.2019

    Damn! The Homo-phobs must be cringing on every word of this piece LOL.!! Religion has people so screwed that it’s just so sad.

    1
  • Ajsome
    13.05.2019

    I felt like you were walking on eggshells here, your style of writing is unusually too careful,

    2
  • Grace Guya
    14.05.2019

    I am a silent reader, but this story, waah.
    It would be interesting to hear the story from his wife’s point of view. To just hear from her why she would agree to marry the man even after he admitted his sexuality to her. Great thought provoking read

  • Wambui MR
    14.05.2019

    Waaah! I got lost then i came out of the forest and now i am looking at the forest i got lost in.
    there are things we will not understand then there are LGBTQI human beings.

  • Kanyi Kimani
    14.05.2019

    What do I think? I don’t think…….I can’t think. Remember the Donald Rumsfeld speech?

    There are known knows
    There are known unknowns
    There are unknown knowns
    There are unknown unknowns

    This here is unknown unknown!!!

  • Dee
    14.05.2019

    This one is heavy on me..

  • David
    15.05.2019

    Soo confusing..but ‘its not my forest,not monkey’

  • David
    15.05.2019

    Soo confusing..but ‘its not my forest,not my monkey’

  • Nyagus nyagus
    15.05.2019

    Need my comment?…it all goes back to being happy. Is he happy?is happy she? Is they happy?period. I repeat ,PERIOD!!

  • Chero
    15.05.2019

    Hapa Biko you didn’t dig deeper, find the closet with all the bones. Probably find some bones missing and go chasing after them. It was as if you were almost afraid of what you’ll find. But it’s a good read nevertheless. I would not wish to be either lady, life is hard as it is.

  • BigFoot
    21.05.2019

    The thing is, in my opinion, especially where the good book is concerned, you are either hot or cold. You can’t be both. Men are slowly but surely perfecting the art of ‘spiritualizing’ their actions. Hence, someone may do action ‘A’ and claim it is ‘bibilicaly’ supported or allowed.
    We are looking for affirmation wherever we can find it…or in this case, create it. I am not holy neither am I religious, but I have read the Good Book and it is clear on such matters.

    All the same…good piece Biko. Everything is indeed a story.

    • Amos
      21.05.2019

      @BigFoot I couldn’t agree more, however what is it that you think that they are rationalizing that is not outlined in the Good Book?

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