Women

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I’ve written about women for six years now. This is the same as writing for women. What this means is, not that I understand women more than the next guy, but that I have honed the skill of bullshitting. I also, for close to two years, wrote for a purely male audience and so I’m privy of a few nuts and bolts of it. And so I know writing for women is not quite like writing for men. Women are indeed more ardent readers, and perhaps more faithful readers, but also women read with more diligence, they read with more purpose and thirst. Women pick nuances and they have the most uncanny recall power. They tend to read with a fine tooth comb. They are into minutiae. And they read between the lines. Women are excellent with feedback; they write back to say they loved or hated a story. Men? Too proud, but if they meet you in a bar they will say they liked/hated something you wrote. Then they will buy you a beer.

You would imagine that after all this time writing for women I would understand women, I don’t. Women, to me, still remain a mystery, a baffling and ominous splotch in an X-ray chart. Is it exasperating? No, there is beauty in writing about something you don’t quite understand, it’s about chutzpah – that bullshitting thing again.

I live with three women (well, one is a mini-woman) and being the only man in my house doesn’t make my life any easier, and it certainly doesn’t make me more adept to understanding women. But I’m better than the next guy because I can always see an impending storm and avert it…by fleeing. I can also deal with moods slightly better- but only because I have to. And I can deal with coded talk ; long before men figured that when a woman says “it’s okay, don’t buy me anything for my birthday, I don’t find birthdays a big deal,” was a trap, I was already ahead.

But to write for women and to write about women you got to love women. Yes. You got to be very curious about women; emotionally, physically and even sexually. To be attuned to women you got to listen to them even if half of what they might be banging on about doesn’t make sense, or is a repetition from the previous week. I, unfortunately, don’t have that skill to listen raptly; my handicap is my threshold for attention; I get bored very easily. I drift. But the few things I pick, I construct rationale around it. It’s in my best interest.

And so when a reader here suggested that I write about women, like I did about men here sometime back, I thought “why the hell not? Sticking my foot in my mouth is my favourite pastime after all.” So here we go, to the eternal question…who is a woman?

A woman knows her man. Most women don’t know their men. Sure they know what dish they like, or what color of shirt they prefer or what gets their goat, but they really don’t know who their men are. A woman can date a man for three years, maybe even live with him under the same roof and yet one day the man does something so “out of character”, something that elicits a typical female response, “that was so unlike Peter!” It’s laughable because actually that was Peter. The greatest tragedy is that women see their men in their own image. So yes, a woman should know her man and if she doesn’t she tries to know him…without following him everywhere.

A woman doesn’t lick a can of Redds, or her bottle. It’s tacky. A woman knows how to keep down her alcohol. A woman doesn’t think drinking like a fish makes her cool, that partying constantly makes her urbane and suave. And that’s why Nairobi is full of chicks and not women.

A woman is inherently moody. It’s their hallmark. Her moods change without warning. A woman also knows that she isn’t defined by her career, that not any amount of degrees will validate her. A true woman gets her degrees to serve her intellectual curiosity and nothing else. It’s okay if a woman didn’t know how to cook. But she has to want to learn.

A woman doesn’t let her girlfriends run her relationship. A woman knows that cleanliness is next to Godliness and so a woman who smells like a mechanic in downtown Grogon is half a woman; inexcusable. A woman cries, mostly without solid reason, but sometimes with reason. But a woman who cries soon after sex is a keeper. I repeat…OK, you get the idea.

A female who sees a suffering child and feels pain in her chest is a woman. A woman who has been failed by her womb is also a woman, perhaps even more of a woman than the one with children because she carries an ugly pain, need and guilt unbearable to man. A woman doesn’t poke strangers on Facebook. A woman doesn’t steal; an idea, a concept or money. But she can steal another woman’s man. And why the hell not? A woman who has her man stolen from her had no business being with that man in the first place. She didn’t own him. You gotta own your men ladies! (This last part is best delivered while thumping a bible)

A woman is jealous. A woman is kind and tender. A woman is vindictive and calculating. A woman is craftier than a man, sneakier than a man even. In every woman lies astounding evil. A woman doesn’t dance to the song bend over, that’s for girls. A woman sometimes buys a man a drink. Oh hell, who am I kidding, not in this city! A woman knows at least five love songs; if she knows less then she is cross dresser. A woman doesn’t talk with food in her mouth. And she doesn’t pick her teeth in public. A woman doesn’t fart. Okay, not loudly.

Sometimes a woman has to fake an orgasm because men live on a staple diet of vanity. A woman respects herself and if she dare ask how then an explanation wouldn’t do her any good. A woman sits with her legs crossed. A true woman doesn’t need to “be a man,” unless her womanhood is waning. A woman doesn’t wear Sahara shoes, unless she’s a painter or she is an apprentice deejay at Madhouse. A woman is not defined by the size of her boobs or the size of her ass. But! It would be nice if she had an ass on her because, come on, ass is king…I’m just saying.

A woman preserves her dignity by not sleeping around. A woman prays because a prayer from a woman is a powerful prayer. Plus I secretly suspect God favors women. A woman is a lousy driver, even the ones who think they are great drivers (Tets?). A woman shops and spends money she doesn’t have.

Sometimes a woman- especially the hot ones like Eva Longoria- is cheated on. It’s never a reflection on the kind of girlfriend/wife/mother/fiancé you are; it’s an inexplicable reflection of manhood flaws. A pompous woman who is obsessed with her beauty is never worth any man’s time. A woman takes pride in how she looks, which is to say a woman with a forest in her armpit and dirt under her nails is a woman who can’t take care of her man because she obviously can’t take care of herself. A woman who dates for money is a soft whore, but then again a whore is a whore. A woman tells her man to fuckin’ straighten up his act if he slips. That’s a woman to respect. A woman isn’t scared to be judged, not if she knows who she is.

A woman has to have a plan. Any plan. A woman knows when to walk out. A woman has a bar which she has to be treated, if she compromises this bar once by lowering it, then she changes the composition of her relationship. A woman never stays with a man who beats her up. Or a man she beats up. A woman doesn’t sleep in a tired Kibaki Tosha tee-shirt for chrissake! A woman, even a broke one, takes pride in her dignity because that shines brighter than a 45carat diamond. A woman holds her man’s hand because men – even though they may deny it – need a lot of guidance.

A woman observes oral hygiene. A woman cares for her mother. She holds the family together. A woman doesn’t compete with his man because she will surely lose because men were cut for brinkmanship, it arouses them. A woman who says, “I don’t know what happened, I swear I normally don’t do this,” is a liar. A woman watches her decibels when laughing, unless the joke is really funny.

A woman doesn’t pick her nose. A woman says “fine” when it’s not. A woman waits a whole week to watch the wedding show. A woman doesn’t eat like a man. A woman doesn’t constantly get on Facebook and profess undying love on her boyfriend’s wall; it’s insecure, exhibitionist and childish. Let girls do that. A woman will read this and see the ugly head of chauvinism bobbing just beneath the surface and she will smile wearily. A true woman loves sex…with a man. But if she prefers it with other women then she’s not a woman but our boy. A woman loves sand between her toes and the sun in her face. A woman should never be embarrassed by her sexuality. A woman doesn’t need to know how to milk a cow. A woman doesn’t whistle. A woman never tells the exact number of men she has slept with, but if she is crazy enough as to do so, we will add five more guys on top to get the exact number.

A woman loves herself first before she can let a man love her. Never the other way round because the hardest woman to love is one who doesn’t love herself. A woman gossips. A woman, just like a man, is imperfect and isn’t all together shocked by it. A woman doesn’t seek a perfect man but if she really has to then she buys a Daniel Steele. A woman shouldn’t judge me from this article (hehehe).

A woman who likes making love in pitch darkness has deeper running issues than she knows. A woman learns to appreciate her body (even if it looks like a Tellytubby) but if she can’t then she joins a gym damn it and she works hard on it! A woman listens. A woman can sooth, to silence, a wailing baby. A woman is a decision maker because women’s intuition is supreme. A woman fears rats and bats. A woman takes three days to reverse a car into a parking lot. A woman never, and I mean never, pays rent for a man, and if she does then she’d rather call him Jackline, not Jack. A woman hides her man’s “nakedness” in public, she protects him. A woman should smell good…not necessarily expensive, but good, because there are women who wear expensive perfume but still smell cheap. A woman can smoke if she wants to, it’s her lungs, and hell admit it some women make smoking so damned sexy, like Christina Hendricks in the television series Mad Men. Talking of which, a woman loves Don Draper, because he is what most of us men aren’t.

A woman has read Secrets. A woman prays, eats and loves. “You are the best I ever had,” only a woman will tell you that, but that’s not even the sad part. The sad part is that you will believe it. And lastly, a woman isn’t afraid of hitting her thirties because it’s in her thirties that she really begins to understand and enjoy her womanhood.

That’s my twisted take on women. What’s yours?

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137 Comments
  1. its very clear that you live with so many women-you’re above average(at score 63%) in understanding them;)) you even understand”….A woman is inherently moody. It’s their hallmark. Her moods changes without warning..”LOL!even we,women do not understand ourselves!!
    btw,your score is even higher for handing in this homework(!!!) on time this monday morning!

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  2. Haha.. I’m not sure whether to be exasperated or laugh..
    Every analysis draws different reactions!

    But I realize this is Women from Biko perspective, so no judgment here because most important a woman knows who she is and that’s enough…

    Good post…

  3. I really enjoyed this post and your authentic and engaging voice. 🙂
    I wouldn’t have agreed with you more especially as per the quote below…….
    “A true woman loves sex…with a man. But if she prefers it with other women then she’s not a woman but our boy”
    however …..with her man sounds on point…..

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  4. I had a feeling mad men would come up. A woman knows she’s a woman. She knows when to be weak….and unfortunately Biko, a woman does whistle when she thinks something is worth whistling about!But the most of your take on us is uncanny. Too many women.

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  5. This was the topic of conversation at dinner last night. The two men at the table expressed total confusion when it comes to women. This article puts it into perspective for me.

    I loved this part [woman will write in to tell you she loved your article 🙂 ] – “A woman loves herself first before she can let a man love her. Never the other way round because the hardest woman to love is one who doesn’t love herself. A woman gossips. A woman, just like a man, is imperfect and isn’t all together shocked by it. A woman doesn’t seek a perfect man but if she really has to then she buys a Daniel Steele.”

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  6. lolest. good read as usual. Funny n true 🙂 But just so you know am now doing a record 5 min reversing into parkin lots (please don’t call me a boy:)) n i love food…do not judge 🙂

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  7. 5.53am WTH? Then u write bout the greatest(hardst) topic? Impressive. Am not sure if am convincd(bt thn maybe its coz am probably not yet a woman.) The point of women not sayng the no of patnerz en addng 5 to the said(stupid) answer, i suggest u rais it to +10, coz most women stick to answer-just 2, (if shes most honest) 3! Honestly 7-8 is below standard of a kenyan woman, oh sorry, chick!

  8. I am a woman…. Never thought I’d one day say that seeing as woman to me has for the longest time been a Datsun while a lady is a BMW.. so now how do i reconcile those two, can I interchange woman with lady here?? Good one though, you really thought about this one huh?

  9. There’s so much i want to quote here I would just have to copy paste the whole post. Loved it loved it loved it!!
    I don’t spend days getting into a parking spot but now I know I’m all woman!

  10. i stopped reading this article at “a woman knows her man”..what does that have to do with the question who is a woman? perhaps ‘a woman knows herself’would have been much better…then there would be no need for your article.

    1. ….A woman loves herself first before she can let a man love her. Never the other way round…. You missed that 🙂

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  11. There is a reason you have serious readership from Women; you speak to them, and you help them understand why men are the a*holes that they are and help us to keep on loving them. They should be indebted to you 😉

    ‘Sometimes a woman has to fake an orgasm because men live on a staple diet of vanity.’ This egos of yours need to be massaged on a daily basis… I must love you too much not to tell you the truth. Straight up blunt!!!

    ‘Sometimes a woman- especially the hot ones like Eva Longoria- is cheated on. It’s never a reflection on the kind of girlfriend/wife/mother/fiancé you are; it’s an inexplicable reflection of manhood flaws.’… I think some of us needed to hear that from a man, but it still doesn’t justify it. Nothing should…

    LOOOVED THIS POST!!!

  12. a real woman knows when to start and when to stop, when to say no and when to say yes, and is not afraid to stand up for what she belives in
    a nice read, n 4 the first time a writer who doen’t bash at lady smoker.

  13. a real woman knows when to start and when to stop, when to say no and when to say yes, and is not afraid to stand up for what she belives in
    a nice read, n 4 the first time a writer who doen’t bash at lady smoker.

  14. I have read this post very intently but still left me confused about women, but I still love the mystery and the thrill of trying to understand them.
    Good stuff

  15. Biko, my 2011 resolution is to flash park in under a minute!
    Thank you for: “Sometimes a woman- especially the hot ones like Eva Longoria- is cheated on. It’s never a reflection on the kind of girlfriend/wife/mother/fiancé you are; it’s an inexplicable reflection of manhood flaws.”

  16. Two weeks ago i shared ya blog with my big siz who’s working in Egypt, she is married with two kids and loves to read. Anyhow after reading about Women she called me and said she wants to meet you when they come down for christmas in two weeks. Will you please meet her please? Because i sort of lied that i know you personally (Embarrassed)

  17. Awesome writing Sir 🙂 As always. I promised not to ‘fine tooth comb’ you but it’s ‘the ones’ not ‘the once’. Other than that, those are the hallmarks of a lady 😉 Loving the way that Mad Men just snuck up on me. Oh and I don’t drive, I prefer to be driven and it reduces my hubbz stress levels drastically 😀

  18. Love the post.
    ” A woman doesn’t steal; an idea, a concept or money. But she can steal another woman’s man. And why the hell not? A woman who has her man stolen from her had no business being with that man in the first place. She didn’t own him. You gotta own your men ladies! (This last part is best delivered while thumping a bible)” *Testify LOL*

    As for ” A woman sometimes buys a man a drink. Oh hell, who am I kidding, not in this city!” i know a few women including myself who buy a drink every so often 🙂

    Overall, well in great post.

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  19. I read this and I almost shed a tear!!! This is beautiful. Wonder why I’ve never come across this blog. Now I’m hooked!!! I kinda wish some men would read this, and then they would truly understand. However, that may never happen, until the day that 8x8x8 is 4 :)). Until then, woman is what I’ll be.

  20. Haha. I read this with amusement.

    I failed! Its a long story but I know how to milk a cow…at least i used to. 😀

    Add this.
    A woman seeks to build not destroy.
    A woman knows what was packed in her child’s break/lunchbox today.

  21. A woman will read this article smile kindly but not pass it on because lets face it, a woman does not live her life on account of a guide book but has a sense of purpose in her that comes from WITHIN!(read-does not succumb to peer pressure)
    a chik, however, will read this article and do a 180 degree change on her lifestyle

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  22. Mr.Biko very interesting insight I have to say….. “A woman can date a man for three years, maybe even live with him under the same roof and yet one day the man does something so “out of character”, something that elicits a typical female response, “that was so unlike Peter!” Am all woman…..

  23. Well written Jackson Biko, I soooo want to meet you again since those days of EAM……drinks on me this time…yes I do buy drinks as a woman.

  24. “A woman marks her man” wonder why u dint pull this outa ur favourite show…..what’s it called?….just forgot the name. the one with the macho man who cries in front of his office girl?

  25. WAT!!! i look forward to this….and u never dissapoint….ya that part for a woman will tel u ur the best and u believe it-TRUE

    For a guy u do have a lot of insight i think u can speak woman now!!!

  26. Another thing that defines a woman: she let’s her man win the arguments, even when she know he is clearly wrong…. she will let him win, and convince him that he is right, just to boost that fragile ego…

    Where can I read your previous posts about men? I like your writing style.

    Xoxo

  27. I hope this post is read by as many women as possible, it has great scripting and the eloquence is alluring…… I read your pieces regularly I would like to extend my accolades.
    “Sometimes a woman- especially the hot ones like Eva Longoria- is cheated on. It’s never a reflection on the kind of girlfriend/wife/mother/fiancé you are; it’s an inexplicable reflection of manhood flaws.” A woman should not and I repeat not be understanding when it comes to cheating. We know that most men(90%) are cheats especially those who claim to know women very well….these men can only get away with this since they are dating or are married to a shallow and unobservant person. Your “justification” is uncalled for, listen to Ciku’s radio show during drive time and you’ll understand my opinion.
    Am not a bitter woman so you know, you have given me a platform to address a topic that I have some basic insight into… I dated for 2 years, got pregnant and dumped his ass(excuse my french) when I realized that I deserve better. Am 34years old with an adorable son, driving my bought for car, leaving in my own bought for apartment and loving my single life as I can choose who to date when I feel the need to!!l Alot of women are sticking in pitless relationships because of all the wrong reasons and are miserable and in extension making their men miserable.” A woman loves herself first before she can let a man love her. Never the other way round because the hardest woman to love is one who doesn’t love herself.”

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  28. A woman doesn’t eat like a man. A woman doesn’t constantly get on Facebook and profess undying love on her boyfriend’s wall; it’s insecure, exhibitionist and childish……. Good Lord, what more can a Man say. Biko you killed it!

  29. a woman loves sex..with a man. she loves her self before she loves her man…how so true can that be..our women(not all) should take that and practise it. am sure whenever you sit down with a woman they want to do it again! its not magic..i do beat u there had 5 women in the house and me alone and still dont know much but am better than the next guy…

  30. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman….this article is spot on Biko. Looking you up soon 😉

  31. hahah Biko maaan you`ve nailed it bro women will get back to you and let you know that they liked it or they dint men will praise you or castigate you when you meet at the bar….hahah personally i have always had beef with em on many issues but until recently i discovered men too have issues…and if nothing is done this society is breeding beast ,something needs to be done….

  32. In my short life I know I’ll never understand women btter concentrate on more achievable goals like world peace and cold fusion…

    I see you’re a Genevieve NNaji fan- she’s beautiful!

  33. I totally Second you Michell; No Woman deserve to be cheated on; it’s the meanest thing a man can ever do; but what goes around comes around. I have been in the same situation but kept on forgiving now i have moved on; bought my own car and I am happier than ever; My 2011 resolution is to me and my daughter. To tets; there is nothing to thank him for; it will catch up with you soon.

  34. @Yellow. What does buying a car have to do with happiness? kwani what is this with mamas coming here to say ati I left him then i bought an apartment and i bought a car, now I’m happy! Si basi you mamas marry those cars and apartments then? Ama?

    1. Yellow you got the words from my mouth. I believe.. there’s a place in our hearts which God created for men (and only men) to be in.

  35. @Kariz blackie. It’s clear you have an opinion so does everyone else. Is this a blog for people to criticize other’s comments or to comment on the post? Your comments are unneccessary and immature and Biko you will soon lose what the intentions of this blog were meant to achieve.

  36. @Mitchelle, Kariz Blackie I approve any comment that is not distasteful in my opinion or in other other words fair comment. So far nobody has crossed the line and if they have those comments obviously aren’t running. I didn’t find Kariz’s comments offensive or malicious, maybe cheeky.

    Having said that the intentions of this blog won’t change because a handful people have divergent opinions. But most importantly this is not an exhibition, a platform to gauge wits. Nothing said here is personal so let’s all breath in for chrissake, after all Christmas is here.

  37. I do agree with Michelle on this one, there was an untone of rudeness and a sense of kariz blackie being condesending towards the comments made. I wouldn’t take sides and even refer to it as cheeky, it was just rude and you shouldn’t allow that to happen. What I would expect all these mature readres to do is read and read and read including what you don’t concur with…..

  38. Is this the point where I side with the girls? Hapana, i refuse like Biko said here, lets all breath in. I don’t know why we are taking others comments so seriously, after all a woman isn’t afraid to be judged as long as she knows herself, or something like that 🙂

  39. @Kariz Blackie read we are Independent women.I love my car and My daughter thats what makes me VERY Happy; than staying with a man whose cheating one me.
    @ Mitchell: we are telling as it is.

  40. @ Shaen, so glad to know am not alone. Am just 20 too, and a woman alllllllll the way! (And proud of it.)

    @ Michelle, gosh, come slowly! Its a blog. Pple react to other pple’s comments alllll the time. You don’t have to like what’s been posted, just disagree and take it in stride. Nothing’s personal here.If this gets u all defensive, then u certainly haven’t read most kenyans blogs.

  41. Are these two statements contradictory?
    “A woman who has her man stolen from her had no business being with that man in the first place. She didn’t own him. You gotta own your men ladies!”
    “Sometimes a woman- especially the hot ones like Eva Longoria- is cheated on. It’s never a reflection on the kind of girlfriend/wife/mother/fiancé you are; it’s an inexplicable reflection of manhood flaws.”

  42. i can think of a few unwomanly traits in me but i love this part..
    A woman is craftier than a man, sneakier than a man even. In every woman lies astounding evil.
    It’s okay if a woman didn’t know how to cook. But she has to want to learn.

    you can guess that am not a cook but i wanna learn…and your take almost empowers me..

    1. Well, am sure you can cook something. They didn’t say a woman should be the best cook, no, she should just know how to cook something. LOL

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  43. Different phases and faces,feelings and observations, same woman. Goes to show that she’s something to everyone. Her absence would trully be missed …so would the man’s by the way.

    Life is for the living, and its meant to be fun.. be you a girl, lady or woman (whatever the difference might be).
    Its great to be female.

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  44. Very good post to say the least, this should be a woman’s “bible” bcz not all females say there women, really women.

  45. I Love your writing, though i could agree to most but not all things about women. However, could we replace women with “LADY”?? think about it.

  46. So true about the bendover thing. You don’t know how many times I’ve been in a club and the chicks all go wild. Was beginning to think something was wrong with me 🙂

  47. A little late to this shindig but had to comment: generally a good article although of course I don’t agree with them all. PS: I’ll dance to “bend-over” when I damn well please. It’s 3 minutes (and some tequila 🙂 for goodness’ sakes! It’s silly and ridiculous and fun and funny. Why the heck not? Coz some guy(s) I don’t even know won’t think I’m a woman? Maybe a real man would have a sense of humor about this stuff, esp when ur dancing with him! Everyone relaaaax! It’s just a song, it’s just an article, it’s just an opinion.

    Sarah said it best “A woman will read this article smile kindly but not pass it on because lets face it, a woman does not live her life on account of a guide book but has a sense of purpose…” 🙂

  48. A good woman is hard to find,
    and worth far more than diamonds.
    Her husband trusts her without reserve,
    and never has reason to regret it.
    Never spiteful, she treats him generously
    all her life long.
    She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
    and enjoys knitting and sewing.
    She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
    and brings back exotic surprises.
    She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
    for her family and organizing her day.
    She looks over a field and buys it,
    then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
    First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
    rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
    She senses the worth of her work,
    is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
    She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
    diligent in homemaking.
    She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
    reaches out to help the poor.
    She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
    their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
    She makes her own clothing,
    and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
    Her husband is greatly respected
    when he deliberates with the city fathers.
    She designs gowns and sells them,
    brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
    Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
    and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
    When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
    and she always says it kindly.
    She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
    and keeps them all busy and productive.
    Her children respect and bless her;
    her husband joins in with words of praise:
    Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised
    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.

    1. Does she have to be a god?…No, not to sound blasphemous, just asking.

      Sounds like a real woman has the weight of the world on her shoulders….Lord help me, i have a low threshold for weights.

      A woman needs to refuse weights, she needs to breathe, and to hell with everyone else.

  49. strength of a woman by shaggy was playin in my head as i read this post. And i couldnt help but think how some people i know would react to this. The difference between chiqs and women.

  50. A woman know when and how to make love to her man even when she’s not in the mood. If you want your man to stay, make love like you mean it and he will enjoy being with you all the time and not only sometimes!

  51. Biko, i have seen you a number of times at a bar in the kilimani areas, looking good as always I have to say 😉 . My point is i don’t have the guts to walk up to you and introduce myself, fear of receiving a punch on my face. A woman knows what she wants and goes for it.

  52. Why do people always want to set parametres on what makes and unmakes a woman? Why is laughing loudly unwomanlike? Two breasts (and occasionally less if cancer got you) and you are a woman. Unless of course you mean a good, virtuous, sexy, grown-ass or whatever other woman tickles your fancy.

    Women, we’re women.

  53. A woman who lives with a man who doesn’t love her is a loser. A woman who sleeps with another woman’s man is setting herself up for a heart break. A man who loves more than one woman is lucky. ….just make sure Men that you don’t run out of luck 🙂

  54. I love a real african woman with chocolate skin, long silky hair, peach – rounded ass and as tall as a female muse painted by picasso…..ladies I will never be intimate with a woman who lacks sexuality and doesn’t get my back hairs stretching all the way to my ***** (standards have to always be set)

  55. “A woman doesn’t constantly get on Facebook and profess undying love on her boyfriend’s wall; it’s insecure, exhibitionist and childish.” Mate this is spot and I cannot say more. This is not a woman but a child in a woman’s skin.

  56. I realise I’m a bit late to this party, but I’ve just stumbled onto this blog and I cant stop reading (2 hours and counting…), clearly you chaps have been hoarding the good stuff!!

    “A woman doesn’t sleep in a tired Kibaki Tosha tee-shirt for chrissake!” Brilliant!!! Mr Biko, you have just become my new addiction, MadMen kando! Cant wait for Monday (never thought i’d say those words…)!

  57. I came across your blog this week bt I must admit this piece clearly, is the BEST!!!! I agree with ur take on women completely.

  58. Biko,

    This is a master piece (+ your Saturday 29th January article). (Martin,thnks for sharing this article (Woman) with me:-))

    Wish all women (self incl.) would take an honest look at ourselves and our values…..

    What are we passing on to our children,as I was once advised – the temparature of a home ‘warm” or “cool” is entirely about a woman.

    Lets not swap this or try and compete with ‘girls’ or our men, as this is indeed a marvelous gift from God to love/care/nurture/submit etc as Proverbs 31 -our Creator wired us that way,so when we compete we are going against what God intended/purposed.

    Biko,thankyou for the frank analysis and for taking the time to jot these down,if I can speak for myself- I will re-analyse the particular areas that require tweaking and start my year from there!

  59. “The greatest tragedy is that women see their men in their own image. So yes, a woman should know her man and if she doesn’t she tries to know him…without following him everywhere. ” Could not have been said better. Keep up the great job, your writing is awesome man!

  60. All my sisters can milk cows, i cant. Always felt less of a real woman, but truth is always afraid that the cow would kick my preety face or even the milk bucket LOL. Nway now i feel better that being real isnt about milking no cows 🙂

  61. “A woman who has been failed by her womb is also a woman, perhaps even more of a woman than the one with children because she carries an ugly pain, need and guilt unbearable to man…….”

    Amazing insight Biko. Many of us carry the shame of childlessness and society then shoves down our throats that we are less than women (that our wombs have failed/betrayed us).

  62. Biko, u are ( in my opinion ofcourse) 98% on point. The 2% is for….a woman may be cheated on but a real woman should be strong enough to walk out on a cheating spouse. Bastard!… Just saying.

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  63. This is insightful… but I’m a bit alarmed at how many times you talk about manhood in your blog. Even Toni Braxton can’t beat that obsession 😀

  64. dammit !!! spot on BIKO…Well since am a woman..maybe am lying maybe am saying the truth..because a woman is complex!!!

  65. i love the one about women who like to make love in pitch darkness…i personally have never understood the whole concept of doing it in the dark and yet you cant see a thing.Good one Biko:)

  66. He is funny!!!! Laughed at most of his points but end of the day, i don’t like stereotyping. A woman is whoever she defines herself to be. Putting women in boxes and saying what we can or can’t do is sexist! He says you can do this, you can do that…then goes ahead and kamuas and anikas his ideology of what a woman is. Someone needs to send him more women to live with… the ones he lives with already have synchronized cycles!

  67. I am glad I found this article, however late I maybe just when I want to change and be a better person. Yes, I have drank myself silly and Ive danced bend over in front of a crush and Ive felt silly and embarrassed but its never too late to learn and never too late to change. thanks Bikozulu.

  68. Biko, discovered your blog recently and enjoy your unique perspective. …Women are too complex to understand. .they are God’s sense of humor…heaven and hell rolled neatly into a package with ribbons to boot. .all we can do is love them and put away copious amounts of single malt….hic

  69. I agree with most of it. Some of it is complete bullshit. But, you came close. And fyi, am judging you for the bs part, just so you know.

  70. A real Woman knows what they want, and would never admit it to a man that she has fallen head over heels for them unless they (men) make the first move. Thats a real women. Excellent piece as usual, Much love Biko

  71. Are we that confused???that really came out from this article..We’ve got it figured out, then we don’t

  72. I’m envious of all the people who know what being a woman is, or being a man for that matter! I’ve been trying to play this ‘Being a woman’ game many decades now and it still feels as though I’ve barely scratched the surface!! 🙂

    Interesting views though.

  73. Your comment*I have just discovered your blog recently and I already have a soft spot for it.I love how you write your articles, how you give them life. Incredible work Mr. Biko

  74. Yes a woman isn’t afraid to turn 30.For it’ is then that she truly becomes a woman. She takes better care of her self,makes wise decisions in money and relations issues.she enjoys sex,and isn’t a shamed to moan and groan when she climaxes.(girls below 30 have sex for men)ask women you know, then get back to me.